A/N: I wasn't able to upload this on Saturday, so here you are! Fanfiction was being stupid, I apologize. It was down, for whatever reason and I just got to checking if it was back up. I considered waiting until Saturday and having Ao3 be a chapter ahead, but I decided not to do that. *shrug* So here you go, to get caught up. Hopefully, this site can find some long term stability. *crosses fingers*

Chapter 31: Finding Safety

Ratchet, Drift and I stepped out of my portal for what felt like the fiftieth time—though it was really only the fifth—in our search for a properly secluded location of the moon. Not necessarily because we thought the indigenous lifeforms could pose a threat, but because of time shenanigans. When I had visited last time it had seemed like they hadn't encountered Cybertronians before and it was hard to know what changing that might lead to.

"This seems more secluded," Ratchet said as he looked around the space.

I frowned a little as I scanned for nearby lifesigns with my visor, walking around a bit as Drift climbed some rocks to get a better vantage point himself.

"Still, this moon seems more populated than I had thought," I said. "We may need a different locale to avoid any weird timeline shenanigans."

"Didn't you say once that it could work where if you go back and do something that it would turn out that that happened the whole time to begin with?" Ratchet asked.

"I said that very early on, when discussing Bulkhead's captivity," I replied. "At this point, going back and changing that would have consequences. Likely severe ones. If any of it worked that way and we interacted with anyone here in our timeline, I would've seen some kind of evidence when searching for the AllSpark here."

"Do you have backup locations?" Drift asked.

"I have a couple in mind," I said thoughtfully, climbing up the rock to see why he was asking.

We weren't as far away from a settlement as I'd thought. It seemed the population must suffer a loss at some point over the next fifty Earth years.

"We may need to check them out if we wish not to interact with the natives of this moon," Drift said.

I sighed a bit. "Well, we got plenty of time to look with my abilities."

"Indeed," Ratchet agreed. "Though how much portal jumping can we do before we call the attention of a past version of your brother? Or your father decides we might be messing with the timeline?"

"I'm sure Vector will just tell us not to use that location cause it'll put the timeline at risk," I said heavily as Drift and I rejoined him on the ground. "While being his usual vague self. As for my brother, he seemed genuinely surprised by my frame type. Running into him would count as a change to the timeline for sure. We'd have to be extremely careful in such a scenario. Hopefully it doesn't happen. I don't know what limits we have before we call either of their attention, to be frank. Preferably we get settled somewhere in as few jumps as possible."

"Well, let's get a move on, then," Ratchet said. "Before we're caught here."

I nodded and then opened a portal to the next planet I had in mind. There were really only three others I had in mind, neither being perfect.

I desperately did not want to go to Cybertron, viewing it as too risky with Shockwave's presence and the unknown length of time I was his captive—we thought it was only a few years, but it was hard to know for absolute certainty.

The Necroworld I considered an option, though a depressing one. I wasn't entirely sure if I wanted to open the can of worms of facing how many lives had been taken by the war. Assuming, of course, it worked the same in this reality as it did in the one I knew it from. And I also didn't want to see the devastation it might cause my companions to see the flowers at their statues. I knew Drift carried enough guilt without it smacking him in the face. I was sure Ratchet carried his own from bots he couldn't save. I was sure mine had started gathering flowers, too, though we wouldn't see them.

From emotional frying pan to another wasn't the goal, though I knew we'd work through it if it came to it.

So the last planet was where we stepped out onto next. Theophany. Home of the Circle of Light. Theoretically their desire to stay out of the war would have them leaving us alone. That, or their members' propensity toward helping people would have them giving us safe harbor. I didn't know enough about them to know for certain how it would go if they discovered our presence on the surface, but I felt safer about them discovering us than Shockwave. Whether it was better than Necroworld or not was up for debate.

"Why didn't we come here first?" Drift asked after having scouted for twenty minutes and then returning to where I had said we could settle.

"I have my reasons," I replied as I busied myself making structures under which we could each sleep. "Perhaps overcautious reasons, but reasons. When one is jumping through time, it never hurts to be overcautious."

"What are you not telling us about this planet?" Ratchet asked, sounding a bit on edge.

"Nothing that would have us in danger," I replied. I was hoping I'd made the right choice between here and Necroworld.

"You don't sound entirely certain," Ratchet said.

"I jumped us fifty years in the past, Ratchet," I replied. "There's a level of uncertainty regarding that by itself, even knowing I needed it. I also had another planet as an option so I naturally question if it might've been better. We are safe here, I'm certain. We will have the peace we need for me to accomplish my task."

"If you are sure," Ratchet said.

"I am," I said as I tied off the last rope on the final tent.

Ratchet sighed and then took the blankets from me after I took them from subspace. "I'll finish this. You rest."

"Thank you," I said and then moved to sit on one of the rocks he'd shifted over to serve as a place we could sit together in the middle of the makeshift campsite.

We had peace to ourselves for three days. Three days of nothing but practice with my Shard while Drift practiced katas and Ratchet read datapads and took notes. Whenever I grew too tired or frustrated with the Shard, I would take a break from that to either talk with my companions or practice swordplay with Drift.

We didn't drift very far from our campsite. Not cause we didn't want to or because I didn't feel it safe, but because I needed to be sure to settle into a practice routine before I allowed any distractions of exploration.

Then, as I was debating about venturing forth to explore, my wings picked up the energy from a bot behind me. And given both Drift and Ratchet were in front of me, I knew it was neither of them. I tilted my helm to see if I could see them or their lifesign, wings shifting to see if I could tell anymore about their location.

Ratchet and Drift immediately took notice of my heightened alert and became more alert themselves.

"Decepticons?" Ratchet asked.

"Not likely," I replied quietly, shifting to track the lifesign I saw moving behind the rocks as Drift reached for a sword.

"Are they a threat?" Drift asked, stepping up next to me and looking where I was looking as the bot stopped.

I watched as a bot slowly peered over a boulder and I met their optics, making them realize I knew they were there and exactly where they were. Their optics widened. "They are not an enemy," I replied simply.

Drift relaxed his stance.

"You can come out," I called to the mech as Ratchet joined us. I was never more grateful than now for the mastery I had gained over Cy-Stan thanks to Elita. "We mean you no harm."

The mech stepped out, looking between us and then back at the camp, optics searching for something. "Are you bots stranded here?"

I tried not to let my amusement show. He was genuinely concerned and I knew if I laughed it would likely offend him. "No," I replied honestly, knowing I did not want to lie to a member of the Circle of Light.

"I have noticed you for the last few days, but no ship is anywhere near here," the mech replied. "Were you dropped off by a passing freighter?"

"No," I said quickly before Ratchet could confirm as he was about to. "It's complicated. I'm not prepared to explain to a stranger. Just know we mean no harm being here and once we accomplish what we're here to do, we'll be on our way without disturbing you and yours."

The mech tilted his helm with a frown. "How do you know I'm not here alone?"

I shrugged. "I know things, it's kinda my thing," I said. "I don't share willy nilly, though."

Ratchet scoffed a bit. "She didn't even tell us she knew bots were on this planet," he grouched.

I motioned as if to say "See? Rest my case."

"What is it you are here to accomplish?" The mech asked.

"Mastering a skill that I need some peace to do so," I answered with a sigh. I crossed my arm. "Fate of the universe hangs in the balance of me learning it and the atmosphere back home was making it difficult. So we came where I thought we wouldn't be disturbed by the going ons of the war."

"How does the fate of the universe hang in the balance?" The mech asked.

"Shade'," Ratchet muttered in warning. "Are you sure about telling this mech?"

"Fairly," I replied quietly to him. Looking back at the mech. "It involves a plan to lock Unicron away for good."

"The Chaos Bringer? He's back?" The mech asked.

"Not yet, but he will be," I answered. "That's part of the complicated story. I just need time and space in peace. That's why we are here. So I will have that to master this skill in time to do my part."

The mech considered me. "I can sense that you are being honest, if not entirely upfront," he said. "Your aura speaks of someone being cautious, not deceitful. You are wary, which is understandable given I am a stranger to you. Allow me to introduce myself." The mech placed a hand over his spark and then gave a deep bow. "I am Wing. Of the Circle of Light."

I saw Drift shift in surprise in the corner of my optic as I placed my hand over my own spark. "Shadebreaker, of the Autobots." I replied. "And these are Drift, my bodyguard, and Ratchet, Chief Medical Officer and my Intended."

Wing nodded to each of them in return as they each made a motion of greeting. "Perhaps you would like somewhere less in the open to do your practice," he suggested. "I can take you to New Crystal City. You will be undetected by any passing ships there, thus even more unlikely to be disturbed by any passing ships."

"How often do ships pass by this planet?" Ratchet asked.

"Often enough for it to be a concern if you think you will be here longer than another few days," Wing replied.

My wings shifted slightly. "Will your leader not object to having Autobots present?"

"It is the Circle's basic tenant to help those in need and your mission aims to protect the entire universe," Wing replied. "Our shields will hide you from detection of any passing Decepticons, as they do the rest of us. If Dai Atlas has a problem, I will convince him."

"And you're certain you can convince him not to just throw us in the brig?" Ratchet asked drily.

Wing nodded.

"Shade'?" Drift asked. "You're the leader on this little trip."

I tilted my helm at that and shifted a wing. "I appreciate the offer, Wing. The security of knowing the odds of run-ins with Decepticons being even lower would be wonderful. It's what I was looking for in a location for this task. We will go with you and hope Dai Atlas can see reason. Even if we do end up in the brig, that's still a peaceful place to practice, if claustrophobic."

Wing chuckled at that. "At least you have a sense of humor about it," he said. "I will help you pack your gear."

"Thank you," I said. He didn't need to know I wouldn't actually sit tight in the brig if I could help it.

A few hours later we were standing before Dai Atlas and his council.

"What is the meaning of this, Wing? You have brought Autobots into New Crystal City! You've put us all at risk!" Dai Atlas said angrily.

"They need our help, Dai Atlas! They mean us no harm!" Wing argued.

"It does not matter if they mean us harm," Dai Atlas argued. "Where Autobots go, Decepticons follow. How do you know their ship was not followed?"

"They did not arrive on a ship," Wing replied. "I have searched for signs and confirmed it with the watch towers. No ship has passed by for the last week and they only arrived three days ago."

"Is this true?" A mech to Dai Atlas's side asked softly. "You've been here only three days?"

I nodded, crossing my arms lightly. "I assure you this is true," I said. "Our method of travel is not one the Decepticons know how to track, nor one they could ever hope to replicate." At least, I hoped that was true. Even if they could, this was before they could even start on doing so. "It's why we used it. Avoiding them for my current task is a must."

"And what is your current task?" The femme on Dai Atlas's other side asked.

I turned my helm toward her, tilting it just a little. "What do you know of Unicron?"

My question sent a murmur through the stands as the bots murmured.

"Only that the Thirteen vanquished him eons ago," the femme replied after Dai Atlas quieted the rest of the bots.

"Are you coming to us with fairy tales?" Dai Atlas asked, narrowing his optics.

"Some argue you are a fairy tale," I shot back with raised optic ridges. "No, Unicron is very much still alive. He is merely dormant in the core of a planet very far from here. In a little over fifty of that planet's solar cycles from now he will awaken. There is a skill I must master in order to play my part in locking him away for good. I needed peace and quiet, away from the war and threats of Decepticons and overbearing bots, to do so. That's why we came to this planet. I believed we could find that peace here."

"Did you know we were here?" Dai Atlas asked.

My wings shifted slightly. "I did," I replied honestly, straightening. "But I assure you, no one else knows. This is not information I would ever share willy nilly. While I may not agree with your decision to stay neutral, I respect your right to make it. And I would never knowingly jeopardize your people's safety. I did not expect to run into any of your people. It was not my intention that we cross paths, but I was not going to deny Wing's offer either. If we stayed on the surface and got noticed, it would also put your city at risk of discovery. Accepting it felt like a benefit to both of us."

"But, how did you know we are here?" The femme asked.

"A fair question," I replied, ducking my helm. "With a complicated answer."

"If you do not answer it," Dai Atlas said. "How are we to trust you? Or to trust no one else will find us?"

Drift placed a hand on my arm and I glanced at him. Then I glanced at Ratchet. Then at Wing, who looked at me encouragingly. I sighed heavily and then looked back up at Dai Atlas and the others.

"I originate from another reality," I answered. "Well, more accurately, I grew up in another reality. In this other reality were works considered to be fiction. Works about realities like this one. Realities with a lot of similarities. A lot of the information from those realities I have found to be true to this one. Not all of it. There was a chance my information about you was wrong. That you were not here at all. That this was a truly uninhabited planet. Or a planet overrun by bunny people for all I knew before arriving."

"Why do you call this other reality merely the reality you grew up in?" Wing asked, frowning softly.

"I've come to learn it is not the reality I was born into," I replied simply. "That is, of course, if my supposed brother is telling me the truth. I…do not know much for certain in regards to it. All I know for certain is that this reality is my home now and I aim to protect it. Right now protecting it means doing what I need to in order to stop Unicron. If that means practicing this skill in your brig, so be it."

I stared up at Dai Atlas as he stared down right back at me with a contemplative look. He then shared a look with each of the bots at his side before looking back at me.

"Very well," Dai Atlas said. "You may stay. Under the condition that you remain within the shield so that there is no risk passing Decepticons will detect you."

"Understood," I said, shifting a wing slightly. So much for exploring the planet at all, but there was a whole actual Cybertronian city I could explore instead. I could be happy with that.

"Also, Wing, you will be responsible for them," Dai Atlas said, addressing the white mech. "If they cause trouble, it will be your responsibility to handle it and bear the consequences."

"I understand," Wing said, bowing his helm.

"Do not be trying to pull any of my people into your war, Autobots," Dai Atlas warned. "If I catch wind of you trying to recruit anyone, you will be done here and you will not find us again."

"I understand," I said, bowing my helm to him. "It is not our intention to step on your toes by doing such."

Dai Atlas nodded to me. "Dismissed."

Wing turned to us with a smile and then escorted us out of the room. "I'll show you to where you can stay while here," he said. "And then perhaps you can tell me more about this skill you need to master so I can make arrangements for a proper training room."

"I can practice it basically anywhere," I said. "At least, up to a point." I glanced at Drift.

"An area with open space will be good once you reach the final step," Drift said. "For safety's sake."

"We probably have such a place," Wing nodded as we walked. "What about the two of you? What will you be doing while here?"

"I have a bit to practice of the same skill," Drift replied. "Though I have mostly mastered it, so I am here mostly as Shade's bodyguard and guide. I also will be training my combat skills. I need to improve my swordsmanship and hand-to-hand to better serve my role."

Wing nodded. "Perhaps I can help you with that," he offered easily. "We of the Circle fight mainly with such skills. If you are to fight the Chaos Bringer, it would not hurt to go prepared." He looked at me. "You as well, if you wish."

"I'll always accept new training partners," I said, halfway grinning at him for a moment before turning my attention back to the scenery around us.

"What about you, Ratchet?" Wing asked.

"I came in case those two would need a medic," Ratchet replied drily. "So I'm not sure what I'll be doing with my time besides spending some of Shade's free time with her."

"Our medics would always appreciate another pair of hands," Wing offered. "And we have a vast array of medical texts in our archives if there is any knowledge you seek."

Ratchet's optics brightened. "I would very much like to peruse those archives."

Wing nodded with a smile.

"Thank you, Wing," I said sincerely, glad he had a solution where Ratchet wouldn't be sitting bored whenever Drift and I were busy. "For all your help."

"Of course," Wing said. "Helping others is the highest calling one can aspire to."

"That sounds familiar," Drift said, looking at me.

I shrugged, halfway grinning. "Couldn't imagine where you've heard that before." I said, tone full of humor. It was somewhat amusing that it had come full circle. I had made it a point to teach him it because of a version of Wing, after all.

Drift raised an optic ridge while Ratchet rolled his optics.

"I knew you were good bots," Wing said, optics sparkling. He waved us on. "Come on, your quarters are going to be this way."

After showing us where we'd be staying, Wing then took us on a tour of New Crystal City. To show us where Drift and I could do our Shard training, as well as training our combat skills with him, and where Ratchet could find the medical center and archives, as well as to just show us around. I looked around at everything in awe.

"Is that…a crystal tree?" I asked as we approached a park, awe in my tone at the beauty of it.

"You've never seen one before?" Wing asked.

"Not in person," I said breathlessly as we approached it. I reached a hand up to almost touch the crystal leaves on it, but didn't quite let myself do so.

"Did you never visit Crystal City in your old reality?" Wing asked.

I paused and lowered my hand and looked away a bit. "My…old reality didn't have any Cybertronian things to my knowledge," I said quietly. "The stories were all works of fiction far as anyone knew. And I was sent to this one being told there were no Cybertronians at all, when…" I looked at my hand, wings shifting as I felt the heaviness of the emotions in my spark.

Ratchet placed a hand on my shoulder and I gusted air through my system.

"I don't understand," Wing said. "You came from there, so there must've been something Cybertronian there."

"My soul…my Spark was there," I said. "It's…complicated. And painful to think about. But I was not exposed to anything Cybertronian until I arrived in this reality. Perhaps I will tell you in time. But not right now."

Wing tilted his helm with a concerned frown. "Very well," he said. "Let us focus on enjoying this outing, then, and showing you the wonders of Cybertronian infrastructure."

I nodded, smiling in appreciation that he wasn't going to push me for information. I looked again at the tree and then turned my attention to a cybercat that was lounging up in one of the branches, watching us. It seemed they not only saved some culture and infrastructure, but also some animals.

I smiled more at that before moving with the others to continue the tour, asking Wing how many of Cybertron's animals were represented here. Wing smiled widely at that and began telling me about the initiatives some of the scientists had insisted upon to preserve the wildlife of Cybertron when they had first left Cybertron early on in the war. I listened with rapt attention and had to resist the urge to ask if there was a way I could adopt a cyberhound.

Some day. Some day, I will have a canine companion again. And a feline. Perhaps more species. It would be a discussion to have with Ratchet.

Ratchet entered the archives the next day and was momentarily stopped in his tracks at the sheer size of them. He hadn't seen a collection of data this large since the fall of Iacon and he looked around with wide optics. Mentally he was taken back to the early days of the war, where the Archives had served as a base of operations for the Autobots. It had been such a long time since then. If he had known all that information would be lost…

He shook his helm and then moved toward the desk and leaned slightly on it. "Excuse me," he said politely to the femme sat behind the counter with her pedes kicked up.

The femme looked up suddenly, putting her pedes down as she looked up at him in surprise. She looked him up and down and a distinct blush touched her cheeks. "Hello! How can I help such a handsome mech like yourself?"

Ratchet grumbled, annoyed. "You can point me in the direction of the datapads about medical knowledge," he said. "As well as any you may have about the physiology of beast formers."

A look came over the femme's face before it was gone and replaced by a friendly smile. "Of course," she said. She waved to him to follow her. "Right this way."

Ratchet had hoped she would just tell him where to go, not lead him there, so he gave an irritated sigh. Still, he was researching these subjects for a reason. There was always more he could learn in the medical field and they had such limited access to information on beast formers if the bots here had anything he had to take advantage of his access to it while they were here to better treat Shadebreaker and Magnus—in the event the mech's true body ever got damaged.

"What would a mech like you want to know about beast former physiology for?" the femme asked, not hiding another glance over of his frame as he moved to follow her.

"I'm a medic," Ratchet replied, resisting the urge to reem into the femme for the less than subtle hints at some underlying biases against beast formers. "I have to be prepared in the event I'm treating a beast former for injuries or sickness. Also," he almost smirked. "My intended is a beast former. I need to be able to take proper care of her."

"Oh," the femme said and finally moved her optics away from his frame, looking a little dismissive of him now.

Ratchet sighed as her attention turned toward the datapad in her hand now. Thank Primus that stopped her oogling.

"Here's the elevator," she said as they came to a door halfway back through the archives. "You'll find the medical section on the second floor up from here and there's a subsection for beast formers in aisle 4-A."

"Thank you," Ratchet said, nodding to the femme.

The femme bowed to him slightly before turning and heading back toward the front desk, optics still on her datapad.

Ratchet entered the elevator without pause, unbothered by the way she'd dismissed his existence as soon as she realized he was taken. Whether it was his status as taken alone or the fact he was taken by a beast former, he was uncertain, nor did he care. At least he would be left to study in peace and not to fend off advances.

He made his way to the mentioned section, found a stack of datapads on the subject of beast formers and then took them to a quiet table to study them.

Drift grunted as he hit the ground again in his sparring match with Wing.

"I can see why you need to practice your skills," Wing said, watching as the mech got back to his pedes. "You're sloppy, slow. You have a rudimentary grasp of some moves, but your execution reeks of inexperience."

"My training until recently was mostly with guns," Drift admitted, wiping his mouth. "The Autobots have started to fill that gap, but it's still a new skill I am honing."

"I can tell," Wing said. "Not to worry. We can hone those skills and teach you some new ones while you are here. How long will you be here, again?"

"Uncertain," Drift replied. "Anywhere between a couple weeks and fifty years."

"Let's get started, then," Wing said, taking up a stance.

Drift nodded and then matched his stance.

I sat in the middle of the common room of the quarters we'd been assigned, Shard on the floor in front of me. I stared at it for a long time, just thinking and considering everything that had brought me to this point. And the weight of the importance of this task that was before me.

Then I reminded myself that I wasn't on a time crunch anymore. I had time. I didn't have to stress. I could take my time to focus on how things felt and adjust accordingly. As I should've been able to do to begin with.

I settled myself, relaxing my wings and closing my optics to help block out input from my surroundings to focus on my task for the next several hours before the others returned for lunch.

After lunch, Wing took Shadebreaker to the training grounds to see where she was at in combat prowess. He was pleased to see she faired better than her bodyguard, even if it was ironic.

"I see you have had more training than your friend," Wing told her after she blocked a blow from him.

"Been with the Autobots a year longer," she replied, smirking a bit. "Still, though, my skills hardly compare to most who have been fighting the war. I'd hardly call my survival up to now thanks to those skills."

Wing smirked slightly. "We will work on that, and your confidence," he said and then expertly maneuvered his hold to toss her over his shoulder. "Lesson number one, don't assume I won't make a move just cause I am talking."

"Right," Shadebreaker said, tone a bit strained from where she'd crashed onto the ground. "Don't let your guard down even during a training lesson. I knew that, I swear."

"You are distracted," Wing observed as she rolled over to get to her pedes.

"A little, I will focus in, though," Shadebreaker replied, flicking her wings lightly.

"Good," Wing said. "Let us see what you can do and push that further."

Shadebreaker grinned in anticipation before coming at him again.

"So, what do you think about the 'wonders of Cybertronian infrastructure'?" Ratchet asked as we walked down the street—just the two of us one day.

I chuckled a bit at the way he quoted Wing a bit sarcastically. "It's very pretty," I said, tugging his hand closer a bit and placing my free hand on his arm. "Definitely better than the roughing it I was expecting."

"Hmm, you chose this planet," Ratchet pointed out.

"I wasn't expecting the Circle to take us into the city," I said softly, not looking at him. "Dai Atlas is… well, you saw. I was surprised he was convinced to let us stay and I was already coming up with an argument to let us find another place to go. I'm glad he did decide for us to stay, though. This is a good place to be, and perhaps the safest of our options."

"Hmmm," Ratchet hummed, glancing at some murmuring bots off to the side.

My helm feathers shifted as I got bits of what they were saying. "The odd racist bot in the streets should mind their own business, though," I said loud enough for them to hear me.

The two sneered at me and then moved on, slinking away with body language that read they hoped no one had noticed.

"Geez, at least Mirage had the gears to say it to my face," I said. And Dai Atlas would have one believe they'd solved all of society's problems here. If he was the same as the Dai Atlas in the comic.

"Don't let it get to you," Ratchet said gently, rubbing his thumb over my hand. "They're ignorant."

"Ignorance is no excuse for aftholery. You do not need to understand someone in order to not talk slag," I replied with a huff. "I know I do not have a perfect track record throughout my whole life, but I don't go around being racist either." My wings twitched.

Ratchet stopped me and turned me to face him. "Hey," he said gently. He lifted his free hand to touch my cheek. "Look at me."

I looked up at him, not sure why he thought I needed to do so, but doing so anyways.

"Don't let them get to you," he repeated. "Their opinion has no bearing on your worth. Not to me. And it shouldn't to you either. They don't even know you. If they did, they wouldn't say racist things like what Mirage said…or whatever it was you could hear those bots say that I couldn't make out very well. I could just read their expressions and tell they were saying things."

"They were saying slag about us," I said quietly, looking away slightly again. "Something about me not deserving you. Which implies I am…lesser." I made a face. "Which is stupid. Like you said, they don't know me so they are only basing that off my appearance. It just feels like I will never escape that kind of judgment."

He tugged me forward and I leaned into his embrace as he wrapped his arms around me. "They are wrong," he said. "They simply do not know you or me or understand anything about, well anything remotely related to us."

I wrapped my arms around him in return and held him tightly. "It just touched on a bit of my own insecurities," I said quietly. "I don't always feel like I deserve you. After everything."

Ratchet tightened his hold a little. "You should boot those thoughts from your processor," he said softly. "Let's go somewhere out of the street, hm? And we can talk about this."

I nodded and then shifted to walk beside him again. He kept my arm looped with his now, making it all the more obvious that we were together. It got us a few more looks, not all of which were negative, but due to what I'd already heard, they all made me shift a little closer to him.

We found a pub, where we took a seat in a corner booth away from the patrons. I sat in the corner most spot and Ratchet sat across from me as a bot working the pub came over, introduced himself as Rubble, and asked if they could take our orders.

"I'll have a Sun Burst," Ratchet ordered. "And do you serve the Praxian noodle dish here?"

"We do!" Rubble, who happened to be Praxian, said enthusiastically, wings perking up and optics sparkling. He then provided the proper name for the dish. "Would you like an order of it?"

I looked curiously at Ratchet, wings shifting.

"My intended here has never had any before," Ratchet explained. "I thought she might like to try them."

"Certainly!" Rubble said, optics moving to me. He gave me a friendly smile. "I am always pleased to share something of Praxian culture with a new bot! Traditionally, they are eaten with chopsticks, but I can provide you a fork as well. Chopsticks can be tricky."

"Chopsticks are good," I said easily, helm feathers shifting in interest.

Rubble nodded, looking pleased as punch with my answer. "It will be a bit of a wait. The noodles take a bit to make. We are always making batches, however, so it won't be terribly long. Can I interest you in some appetizers while you wait?"

"Appetizers?" I asked curiously.

Ratchet chuckled slightly.

The Praxian looked at me curiously. "Have you…not been to a pub before?" He asked.

I shook my helm. "I mean…" I hesitated, looking away briefly. "I stepped into one. But the mech who runs the one on base is kinda….racist…so I just…don't really go…"

"Ah, I'm sorry to hear that," Rubble said, sounding genuinely saddened by that, doorwings lowering slightly. "Some bots are too blinded by their own hubris to see what is in front of them."

I wasn't sure what he meant by that. I flexed the fingers of my hand that rested on the table and Ratchet placed his hand over it. I shrugged a bit. "Is what it is."

"Well, while you are here, come here and we will introduce you to all kinds of treats," Rubble said kindly.

I nodded, shifting a wing as I wondered how we were going to pay the mech. We didn't exactly have a currency system back on Earth between us bots. While I technically had a job, I didn't have currency.

"How about I start you off with some rust sticks with some mercury sauce and some cyber-grapefruit?" Rubble suggested.

"Sounds good," I said, trying not to show outwardly my wariness. Rust didn't sound very tasty to me, but I supposed that had to do more with my human days.

Rubble nodded. "I'll have those right out," he said. Then he moved away, heading toward the bar area where a few other patrons were and another worker.

I looked back at Ratchet and leaned forward a bit. "Um, how are we going to pay? I haven't exactly been…paid…" I was realizing that that fact could prove a problem when the war was over and I went out into the larger galaxy, away from just the Autobot military. Cybertronians, and the galaxy, as a whole didn't operate on a system of free. Or rations. Did they?

Ratchet chuckled softly. "You do have an account," he assured me gently. "With allotted funds for offworld missions. I will go over it with you when we return to the suite. But, seeing as how it's all digital, and we are in the past, I will handle payment. I have plenty to handle whatever this may cost."

"Oh," I said, shifting my wings. I felt bad that I had never stopped to ask about such things and now Ratchet was paying for this because there was no choice in the matter. Had I known I would've suggested we go back to the quarters suite or declined the appetizers. I should've asked about money potentials, but it was so far out of my perception ever since this whole mess had begun.

"Hey," Ratchet said gently, rubbing the back of my hand. "Don't worry about it. I knew this was a thing when I chose to bring us here and if I was worried, I could've declined the appetizers myself. I want to do this for you. I want you to experience these Cybertronian things that you haven't gotten to yet. That you missed out on."

I stared at our hands, watching his fingers continually rub the back of my hand as I felt tears in my optics. "I don't know what you see in me, Ratchet," I said quietly. "I just…I really don't feel like I deserve you."

"And why's that?" Ratchet asked, shifting to join his other hand with the one on my hand, taking my one hand in both of his.

I gusted air through my systems. "I mean, just…" I waved my free hand, motioning at myself.

"Your frame type doesn't make you lesser, femme," Ratchet said gruffly. "I ought to reem every bot that's been saying that with my wrench."

"It's not that," I said, hissing slightly, wings shifting. "I'm not normal Ratchet. I-" I cut myself off as Rubble came back with the appetizers.

"Here you are," Rubble said, placing the food items on the table as I slightly glanced at him. "Anything else while you wait?"

"No, thank you," Ratchet said. "Just some space. We have some things we need to talk about." He rubbed his tumbs over hand again.

Rubble nodding, looking understanding. He looked at me for a moment. "I'll come back to see how you like these," he said. "If you don't like the fruit, I'll take it off the bill, I know it's a particular taste."

I nodded slightly at that. Then he left and I sighed, turning back to Ratchet. "Like I was saying," I said quietly. "I spent my growing up years as another species, Ratchet. There's so much I don't know or understand." I waved at the fruit. "I didn't even know there was Cybertronian fruit! And I know so many things, but not that. There's so many gaps in my knowledge that any other bot my age would know."

"But you also know a lot that most other bots your age don't know," Ratchet pointed out. "Such as the difference between a domestic Earth rabbit and a wild hare."

I sighed, shaking my helm.

"Not to mention all the information about bots and events and such that any intelligence officer would be envious of," Ratchet said.

I snorted at that. "If Shockwave hadn't gotten it first, I would actually consider that to be a positive," I told him dryly. "Primus, I still don't know how much he knows, Ratchet." I squeezed his fingers slightly, clenching my free hand into a fist on my lap.

"I know," Ratchet said gently, gently rubbing a thumb over my hand. "And we will handle whatever complications come from his knowledge."

"We won't see all those complications," I said quietly. I looked around at the bar meaningfully, helm feathers shifting.

"Maybe not," Ratchet said. "But you know what all you know. You know where to check for his influence."

My helm feathers shifted again. "That's true," I said quietly. "Fair point." I sighed. "I still feel….behind. And…this whole mess with the Shards….I feel like the weak link here. Like if we fail and Earth is destroyed, possibly the whole aft universe, it'll be because of me. It always feels like I just can't…match up to the people around me. I don't see why you would want to be with someone who is…..like me. I don't feel enough. For the task, for you…for anything, really. And besides that….I feel like shit because I had someone before all this and part of me feels bad for moving on." I tightened my grip on his fingers again.

"I mean, I love you. I love you very much," I said quietly. "And I gave myself permission to move on because I was certain that I'm not going to wake up someday to find out he's gonna re-enter my life. But I still feel shitty. He thinks I'm dead, but I'm not. I'm here. And I've moved on without him and it hurts because I do still love him, even if that's not there anymore. Even if we are lost to each other, realities and even species away. Might as well be dead to each other. It's… I feel like a shitty person for that."

"Aw Shade'," Ratchet said gently, rubbing the back of hand again, brushing my fields with understanding and comfort.

"I feel like I just abandoned him," I said as tears fell from my optics, wings drooping. "Even though it's not my fault. And I know I can't just go back there, to the way things were. The way things are in that reality…there's no way alien contact with a civilian, if the government found out, would go anywhere close to safe for him. I cannot risk his life just so I can have closure. He got closure. He buried a body he thought was me. It wouldn't be fair of me to go and open those wounds back up and make him question why I didn't come talk to him sooner and all the questions that I would have. And I feel just as shitty for not going and being honest with him as I would if I did and he got hurt because of it, or got forced to be torn from his life. And I would never want to rip him from his family just to have him with me either. I just feel shitty for it and that, above the other reasons, makes me feel like I don't even deserve to have you. I feel like I shouldn't even have admitted my feelings, because why should I get to move on and be happy with you when it means leaving behind what I had with him?"

"Aww, Shade'," Ratchet said again. He got up and moved over to sit next to me, pulling me into a hug that I leaned into, resting my helm against his chest. "No wonder you are struggling. With those feelings in your spark. I knew you'd hesitated to tell me because you'd wondered if he would come back into your life, but I didn't realize that you felt this way about yourself about moving on from him."

"It's been slowly building," I told him quietly, sniffing. "I didn't feel it at first. There was a little bit, but I put it aside, because I reminded myself that people remarried after the death of loved ones all the time and I didn't think less of them. But it's been festering a little without me realizing it and the stuff with recent events just pushed everything over the edge, exasperating this issue especially. I have always struggled with feeling undeserving of love, and now, knowing the truth of my origins and stuff, I wonder if it originates from Vector basically abandoning me and then just got exasperated by my human father doing the same along with the actions and treatment of others throughout my life. I was doing so much better, but…"

"Then you were ripped from the home you knew and the people you loved," Ratchet said. "And recent revelations about Vector have not helped, nor the behavior of your brother or racist bots." He tightened his hold on me and I snuggled into it as he rubbed my spinal strut comfortingly. "I think you are right. Sparklinghood is a very important time for all Cybertronians. Him abandoning you as he did inevitably left a mark on your systems and invariably your emote core was scarred. Especially if he didn't maintain his parental bond with you. Which, we already know your deep scans showed some scarring in your bond center."

I nodded, shrinking a little more into him, frame trembling. Some of that scarring was from that time he'd ripped our friendship bond out when I was masquerading as a traitor, but I'd also already had some before that. We'd assumed Shockwave had done something there—there'd been enough pain and agony and torture during my time with the mech to make that a viable explanation—but it was very possible Vector had removed my parental bonds when he'd hidden me as a human. To ensure I was thoroughly hidden. Like how he'd blocked my memories off.

"Do you think your fiance would be mad at you for moving on?" Ratchet asked softly.

I trembled, shrinking some more. "I don't know," I said quietly. "I know if he had joined me here, found out I was still alive and found me having moved on, it would upset him if he had not also moved on. I don't think he would necessarily be upset with me after we talked about it and he realized I did so because I believed I would never see him again and that we were basically dead to each other. There would be a lot of emotions, but I think we would work through it after communicating. I know nothing would ever be the same again. It would be hard as hell, because I still love him, he's just gone for me. I am of the mind that I hope he finds someone new to love and have a family with and I hope he feels the same if he knows I'm alive in another reality as another species. I know he truly loved me, so I feel like that's how he would feel if he knew my situation. He'd be beyond sad we didn't work out, but I don't think he'd want me to tear myself into pieces over it."

"So why are you?" Ratchet asked softly, resting his helm on top of mine.

"Because it hurts, Ratchet," I said, tears in my voice. "It just hurts so much. And I don't understand why Vector did what he did. Why he couldn't just leave me where I was. And I feel bad for being angry about it and sometimes wishing I could go back when that would mean leaving you. And that also makes me feel like I don't deserve you. Because I shouldn't be wishing to do something that would make me leave you if I love you so much."

"Hmmm," Ratchet hummed, tracing his fingers over my arm as I cried into his chest. "You have every right to be angry at Vector for doing what he did. I speak for all of us when I say that all of us who know are angry at him for you. It was not his right to do that to you without your consent. Neither abandoning you as a sparkling nor taking you from everything as an adult, especially to pawn you off to Shockwave." He shook his helm, tone one of vast disapproval at that last bit. Then his tone softened again. "As for wishing to go back…that's a natural feeling to have after what you've gone through. And it's a feeling we have all had. I often find myself wishing we could go back to Cybertron before the war. Even though that would mean going back to the caste system. And I wouldn't want the caste system back, not really."

I gusted air through my systems as I took his words in. "Even if it meant a chance at finding a peaceful solution to change?"

Ratchet grunted. "For a peaceful change to take place, Megatron would've still had to make his speeches," he said. "And he wasn't willing to step aside for peaceful change. He wanted to destroy everything outright."

"There is a reality Megatron did that and sought a peaceful change," I said quietly. "Unfortunately, in that reality, Optimus is a functionist afthole." I made a face. "Imagine a reality where Optimus is like our Optimus and Megatron was seeking peaceful change."

Ratchet made a noise. "The odds of the stars aligning for such a reality to exist are slim to none," he said.

"It'd be an interesting case study," I said. "I'd be curious to see how it would look. What kinds of struggles they would face instead. I mean, they would certainly face some kind of push back from bots. Would they still end up in a war against bots who didn't want to let go of the caste system? Would the switch be smooth aside from political squabbles in meetings and quiet, underhanded violence that don't break out into all out war? What would such a reality look like?"

Ratchet chuckled. "We've deviated from the subject, femme." His tone was dryly amused.

"I got distracted." I admitted sheepishly.

"My point was, femme, that it is perfectly normal to wish to go back to what you lost after going through something like what you did," Ratchet said. "You were ripped from literally everything you held dear. You lost everything, including your very way of being and had to relearn what it meant to exist. You had to relearn the very basics of life from the ground up. It's natural that you miss and want to go back to the way it was before. You're allowed to feel that way without it diminishing how you feel about what you have now. Just as long as you don't let those feelings stop you from appreciating what you have now. Don't spend so much time wishing for what was that you lose sight of what is.

"Those feelings don't make you any less deserving of my love than you deserved the love of your fiance at the time you had and accepted his love," Ratchet continued. He kissed the top of my helm. "You are very deserving of my love and care. And I will remind you of it everyday until you believe it."

"Ok," I said quietly, snuggling into his hold. "I will try to believe you. It will take some time, and plenty of reminders, but I will work on believing you."

"Good," Ratchet said. "Now, I see our food coming this way and you haven't even touched the appetizers yet."

I chuckled. "Go figure," I said, sheepish as I shifted. I reached for the cyber-grapefruit, which was cut into slices. I snuggled into Ratchet's side as he kept an arm around me, sensing I still needed his comfort. I inspected it as Rubble approached with our main dishes.

"She is just getting to trying them, sorry," Ratchet apologized at Rubble's curious look.

Rubble smiled understandingly. "That's alright." he said, watching me inspect the fruit.

I took a bite out of the fruit and then recoiled with a face. I made myself swallow the bite, but placed the slice back on the plate. "Bleh," I said.

Rubble chuckled. "That's a no," he said, looking amused.

"I'm not a big fan of cyber-grapefruit either," Ratchet said dryly, optics sparkling in amusement.

"Yet no warning for the bitterness," I said, sticking my tongue out. "Bleehhhh."

Ratchet chuckled.

"I'll take it off the bill for you," Rubble said, looking entertained as I reached for Ratchet's cube. He took the fruit and left the table.

"Hey now," Ratchet protested.

"I need to rid my glossa of the taste of bitter and it's your fault," I said. "Yours is the only liquid here." I took a sip, just enough to swish around, and then melted a little at the amazing taste of his Sun Burst energon. "Hmmm." My helm feathers lowered in pleasure and my EM field practically burst with my enjoyment of the energon.

"I'm glad you're enjoying my energon," Ratchet said sarcastically.

I turned to look at him, letting a sparkle flash across my visor as I thought about something I could do. I almost considered doing it, too.

"Femme, what are you planning?" Ratchet asked, looking amused.

I swallowed the sip, then passed the cube to him. "I considered being cheeky, but decided it would cross an existing boundary, so I didn't," I said.

"Oh?" Ratchet asked, pulling me snug against him again as I pulled my noodles toward me and grabbed the chopsticks Rubble had left for me. "And what was it that you thought of doing, hm?" He asked quietly in my audial.

My cooling fans kicked in and I ducked my helm slightly. "Kissing you with the energon still in my mouth and giving you it back," I admitted, feeling my cheeks warm.

"Hmm," Ratchet hummed and I felt his engine purr as his fingers brushed against my tank. "That does sound audacious. There will be a time I won't mind such games."

I purred a little myself as he nuzzled my helm a little and I leaned back to awkwardly deliver a kiss to his chin, much to his amusement. "The odds of me having the silliness, boldness and confidence to execute it in public at the same time are slim," I told him honestly. I paused. "But, maybe in private it will be more likely."

"I'd be ok with that," Ratchet said, optics soft and watching my upside down face with a loving expression. "Besides. Private means it could keep going." He said, clearly insinuating something in particular.

I purred slightly, feeling warmth run through my frame. There was still part of me that felt like I didn't deserve that future with him, but I had to move forward. And I did truly love Ratchet. As much as I had loved my fiance. I knew that. And I knew what to do with that. These conversations needed to happen in light of that, though. Hiding these things wouldn't help. I didn't know what to do with the feelings of guilt and despair, but I knew what to do with love. The rest, somehow the rest would fall into place.

"Now eat your noodles," Ratchet told me. "Before they get cold."

I chuckled and then got a pinch full of noodles into the chopsticks. Only to watch them fall off. "Oh," I said. It took a few more tries. "Come on…" I muttered, trying to adjust as I relearned using chopsticks with new hands, much to Ratchet's amusement as he watched over the edge of his cube of energon.

"There we go!" I said in victory as I successfully got a pinch full to stay. Then I took a bite of them and melted almost more than I did for the Sun Burst.

"Good?" Ratchet asked.

I swallowed after chewing the noodles completely. "Delicious," I said in confirmation.

"You haven't tried the rust sticks yet," Ratchet said.

"They can wait," I said, waving as I focused in on my noodles.

Ratchet chuckled in amusement, clearly pleased that I was enjoying my meal so much. I ignored him as I entirely focused on my food, only pausing my focus to answer him whenever he said something to me, both wanting to focus on the food, but also not wanting to neglect him.

2nd A/N: I will be having some one-shots or something to cover more of their time with the Circle, but I hope this chapter does an adequate job of giving you an overview of how they spend their time in New Crystal City! If there's anything in particular you guys would like to see let me know and I will see what I can do!