The warmth through the paper cup radiates through my cold hands as I lift it to my lips and take a sip, the hot liquid is sickly sweet on my tongue.
The coffee has been sweetened with sugar, way too much sugar.
"What did you just say?" Kat asks him incredulously, her brows knit together under her now bright pink hair.
I swallow thickly before scraping the taste off my tongue between my teeth, it lingers between my lips, making the roof of my mouth prickly in rejection to the sweetness.
"I put a lot of sugar into it." Eric says with a shrug before taking a sip of his own drink.
Kat looks at me with a confused expression, the rest of the occupants at the table also look at us with confusion.
Joseph, Gabriel and Jade hadn't exactly decided on what to make of us just yet, but they watch us, with disgust and disdain.
I sit at the end, across from Eric and in front of me is a plate with a piece of chocolate cake on it.
I start rubbing circles into my temples. My head aches worse than I've ever felt before, the only times now, where I get to be away from this leader in training is when I lock myself in my room, or when I'm with the younger Dauntless born or when he is 'Forced' away to go to his leadership courses.
It's been only four days since our vague conversation and although he hasn't questioned me further he continues to shadow me much closer than ever before.
Max told me to 'humor' him and that he is the best candidate, he reminds me that Eric has not exposed me and that he could have, he feels that I should be 'appreciative' and learn how to 'Be a teenage girl',
Max and Falen treat the situation with indifference, meanwhile Falen deliberates a punishment for my carelessness rather than a solution for the consequences of it.
Eric had seen, or knew and instead of treating him like the liability that he is they deem him untouchable, even more suitable and desirable as a leader.
I've forgotten my watch at home today. I never forget my watch. I'm distracted and he does not relent.
His true intentions unbeknownst to me.
"I have work." I say flatly before standing to leave. I don't know why I announced myself.
It's Wednesday, there is no work for me, and training has ended the same day as graduation.
Everyone at the table besides him knows that.
"You mean chasm maintenance ?" Eric asks, his eyes narrow and his smile becomes wide and taunting. He is testing me, my patience, if he thinks I have a desire to simply kill people and that it is triggered, that he can inspire it, he is mistaken.
"Are you guys seeing each other now?" Kat asks me with wide green eyes and shock apparent all over her features. "When did that happen?"
Gabriel stops with his fork half way to his mouth and all the food drops off it, Jade pauses while reaching for the plate I left abandoned. Joseph is the only one that starts laughing like Kat has just made a joke.
Maybe they hadn't yet assumed the worst.
"Not exactly, she's been far too busy." Eric says to Kat conversationally while pushing the plate closer to Jade's outstretched hand.
I slide back into the bench, and sit down with a thump. He has hidden meaning behind his words but none that the rest of them will catch.
They all know of my usual responsibilities, occasional paper-pushing, experience for leadership outside of the basic leadership courses.
It's a common excuse they came up with themselves, for my lack of relationships. Though I would explain it away as unecessary distractions.
"Well then why the hell are you following her around? Does she have to teach you how to do your job?" Gabriel asks while shoveling food into his mouth, he chews loudly. "Does she have to show you how to shake your dick off after you pee?"
Joseph snickers at his vulgarity and Jade sputters and slaps him on the arm. Kat laughs while pounding the table.
I press my palms into my eyes and add pressure by pressing my elbows into the surface so I won't have to see Eric's childish temper.
He does not answer, I raise ny gaze, curious. Joseph does "She could probably teach you a thing or two about-"
"You guys Dauntfest is coming up!" Uriah screeches at the top of his lungs, he launches himself onto our table, to stand with his chest puffed out, he drums on his chest as the cheers in the cafeteria erupt around us.
Several people pound the tables with fists or stomp their feet and chant. "Daunt-Fest! Daunt-Fest!"
Eric has a scowl on his face, and slides out of the bench to leave, in a way I appreciate them because I feel they may have intentionally tried to drive him away.
The table becomes crowded by Sean, Henry and the others. Kat gets pushed into my side, shoulder to shoulder to make room for them.
"What is Dauntfest?" Asks Sean curiously, and the cheers and pounding stop abruptly as though they never even started.
Sean looks at each face at the table with raised brows. Uriah glowers over him, kneeling down on the table in front of the wide eyed older Dauntless.
"Did you just ask what Dauntfest is?" Uriah asks incredulously, playfully appalled and threatening, he pushes the plate Sean had just placed out of the way, sliding it over the table and it stops at my elbow.
Marlene rolls her eyes and flings food at him using her fork but Uriah is focused on his current task. Humiliating Sean.
"I think he just did." Lynn supplies deviously, she curls her hand into a fist and cracks her knuckles loudly. Each one pops and sends a crackle across my vision, the sound attacks my eardrums.
"Oh yeah he did." Kat agrees, slinging her arm over Lynn, the others tease Sean, even Henry.
They seem to forget he is still a new Dauntless, and the other factions have their own versions of winter celebrations.
"Dauntfest is a celebration of commencement towards the end of the year." I say without looking back up, I press my fingers into my eyes again till I see twinkling lights and feel the throbbing of my head through them. "There are feasts, alcohol, entertainment… Fireworks courtesy of… Fucking Erudite, because everyone becomes one year older. It lasts for a week."
There is no sound after I inform what Dauntfest is, or more or less what it entails. I remove my hands and blink a few times as the dim light assaults my pupils, making the stabbing of my skull much more prominent.
Uriah is angled towards me on the table, staring at me, as are the rest of them.
Sean has his mouth open wide, Kat gives me a devious side smirk, and poke in the side with her elbow.
Jade mindlessly munching on the piece of frisked cake says. "We let go of the year and welcome the new one. The way we usually do."
"Daunt-Fest!" Someone screams out from somewhere else in the room and everyone starts chanting, pounding, and stomping again.
The vibrations in the room reverberate through me, adding emphasis to the way my blood trembles under my skin.
The Amity trucks accompanied by a large Dauntless force arrive right on time, bright and early in the morning. at 4.A.M. Another month has passed. It seemed to me they were only just here.
I watch as their faded rusted vehicles loaded with supplies, rations and people, park along the loading docks near the open overhead doors to Dauntless storage.
The sky is still darkened and flakes of snow fall lightly around me, sticking to the fabric of my thick jacket. The sun takes longer and longer to rise these days.
I twist my watch around my wrist before pulling my glove over it and readjusting my sleeve.
"Nothing like the smell of Amity in the morning." Says Eric sarcastically, he takes a deep breath next to me with his hands on his hips, his lack of sleeves during the cold months of the year, is probably to flaunt his muscular arms with numerous tattoos decorating his skin.
He is vain and narcissistic.
I ignore him and head for the first truck to greet the driver, it's the same Amity woman as usual and she is dressed in warm clothing with a large scarf over her neck and hair.
"Good morning Genie!" She gushes with an exuberant smile, she hands me an invoice and an apple, I thank her with a curt nod. "An apple a day keeps the Erudite away." She jokes lightly.
Sometime during the work Four had greeted me and asked how I was doing, it was an unusually light conversation and he accepted the apple that I offered to him.
Eric had disappeared somewhere to my relief.
The conversation with Four informed that he'd been working with Amar, and in the upcoming initiations he'll be shadowing him, together they will be training transfers.
It was our first real conversation, but it was not unpleasant. Though he was not thrilled about a new fear serum, they'd heard a rumor. I would not confirm or deny it, though I wonder where it originated from.
"Good morning Genie!" The old tanned Amity man greets warmly, Four nods his departure when he gets interrupted between his telling of Zeke's most recent escapades.
I did not respond much but Four seemed appreciative of my silence as I listened. He's more talkative than I had originally observed but still reserved.
"Winter is in full swing… Thank you for these, I remembered to bring my own gloves this time." He says with a wink of his crinkly eyes, as he returns the pair I lent him.
"Good." I reply, retrieving them and putting the extra pair into my jacket pocket.
We are almost done, and volunteers are beginning to thin out. Four nods his departure, and I nod back.
Falen arrives and asks me if I'm going to accompany them to Erudite to pick up a new colorful product they produced for this years fireworks and I accept even though he had invited Eric along as well.
"Ready to go?" Falen asks me patiently as I hand him the invoice, it seemed Eric and Max were already loaded into the truck waiting.
I just reply with a deep sigh, breathing out a thick fog of white air, and gesture for him to proceed. He does, I follow after him.
My boots crunch the soft snow and sink in, there is about several more inches of the white mush on the ground and it's only getting higher.
I think this year might be the coldest winter I've encountered and I begin to wonder idly at the process in which snow forms. When temperatures drop below a certain amount and there is sufficient humidity in the atmosphere, water vapor condenses directly into ice without going through the liquid stage.
"Genie!" A voice calls out, I turn around to see the elderly Amity man rushing back over, kicking up the snow in a hurried attempt not to keep us long. "I almost forgot." He exclaims slapping himself on the forehead, he is breathing heavily, overworking himself. "I have a special delivery for you!"
I accept the daisies, and tell him to send my thanks along before placing them in my empty jacket pocket, moving my extra pair of gloves to my pants.
I had not wanted to admit to myself that my eyes involuntarily scanned the crowds in search of Liam but I never found his shade of blonde.
Falen laughs raucously, much like Kat had, and claps me on the shoulder.
These particular weeds can grow in the harshest of conditions, even in winter, I had done some research on my own time. I've developed an interest in floriculture, and herbology.
"What was that for?" Falen asks curiously when he slides into the front passenger side seat, slamming the door behind him.
I get into the back and slam the door behind myself, settling into the cold leather with my elbow in the door handle and my cheek in my palm to stare out the window. Unanswering.
"What was what for?" Max asks him without any real interest, while starting the vehicle up.
The loud roar of the engine is deafening as it comes to life, shuddering and humming, lurching a bit when he adjusts the gear from park to drive.
He doesn't go right away and turns up the heat, holding his bare hands in front of the vent rotating them for warmth.
"A gift." I reply flatly, Eric does not say anything even though he sits on the other end, but it is my way of hinting to him that the Leaders of Dauntless are privy to my lifestyle. And familiar to my countenance.
"Trash." Falen responds casually as he clicks his seat belt on and Max adjusts the mirror to look at me through it.
I shrug my dismissal of the topic, but I feel the nudge of a boot on the side of mine and I take the extra pair of gloves out and toss them over to Eric without looking, he wasn't wearing any and I'm sure due to his vain nature his hands are chapped.
"Well kids, ready to go?" Max asks playfully, while peeling away from Dauntless, the vehicle skids and slides over ice precariously as he speeds through the streets and takes his turns sharply, the vehicle revs loudly as he goes faster, the speedometer arrow shoots higher.
"I'm driving back." Falen snaps in response to Max's chuckles, his knuckles are white as he grips the handle above his window, he is the only one wearing a seat belt.
I remove one of my gloves without thinking and cup my hand in my jacket pocket.
"Why were you talking to Four?" Eric asks, I almost don't hear him over the vehicles mechanical hum and rumble.
A glance at him confirms he still wears the same glower he had when Four first approached me.
Then also that he had put on the gloves, so I don't see his the skin pulled taught over the knuckles of his clenched fists, pressed to his thighs, just the veins in his arms.
"I'm approachable?" I suggest, he laughs and relaxes only slightly at my joke. I turn back to the window.
Jeanine greets us with a tentative smile, her watery-blue eyes bright when she takes in the four of us.
Eric has not yet met requirements or the probational period so this visit is purely social, no business.
Max had explicitly said 'No business, all play.'
She asks Eric conversationally how he's enjoying his new life in Dauntless and about his leadership training. He looks bored and uninterested with talking to her and shows a discomfort for being back in Erudite.
I leave the others and weave my way through the Erudite computer labs behind Garret who is sent to retrieve our package.
I'm not entirely sure how color will affect the fireworks but I'm not interested in interpreting the instructions that will come along with it this time. I'm sure they are the same as the old stock, you just light the fuse and take cover, the Dauntless in charge of entertainment can manage.
Max and Falen smoke cigarettes and talk among themselves, laughing loudly occasionally. They were reminded not to smoke indoors by several stray Erudite but they always take it as more of a suggestion rather than a request or reprimand.
"Aerial fireworks are usually manufactured as a shell that is made up of 4…" Garret explains how fireworks are created to me.
When we arrive at his work station, he works diligently without looking up, still explaining, his glasses slide down his nose and he sometimes uses the back of his hand to push them back up, they slide back down almost immediately.
The clacking of computer keys blends with his voice and I stand at attention just far enough away not to hover.
The fireworks are all already prepared but Garret works on something for me
When he finishes up he gives me a concerned expression, one that is not warranted, and I make room for the neatly folded map, photograph and a small container with a syringe and vial of propofol.
We hardly have to be secretive, my intentions were made clear with Max and Falen, but my motives were not.
They had given me the task willingly as part of my punishment, without me needing to formally request it.
"Thank you." I say and I leave the room, without the weeds, but with a large box of brightly colored explosives.
Max takes them from me and tosses the keys to Falen, and we say our parting pleasantries to Jeanine and her lingering Erudite before heading out.
When we get back to Dauntless it's the afternoon.
The first place I go is my apartment. I unlock my door, head inside while kicking off my boots and head straight for the kitchen.
Eric stalks in behind me and sits comfortably propping his snow covered boots on the corner edge of the table.
"So what is on the agenda today?" He asks conversationally with his hands behind his head.
I ignore him and head to the planter to retrieve the dirt covered key and unlock the door.
At the closet I retrieve a black sling bag and begin removing the unused unisex clothing from the hangers and a few of extra sheets, shoving them in.
I stick the map of the darker sections of the city and a photograph of my target into my back pants pocket, and place the container in my bag before shrugging my jacket off along with my gloves.
He appears at the doorway, leaning against the frame.
"Are you the one responsible for the rising number of faction-less corpses littering the streets?" Eric asks crossing his arms over his chest watching me intently.
"No." I answer firmly, as I make my way to bedside table, sliding it away from the wall to expose the vent and use my nails to peel it off the wall and retrieve my hidden mask wrapped in a long scarf, placing them in the bag as well.
He should've known the answer to that, as I havent left Daunltess except to accompany the leaders and himself.
He chuckles at my new hiding spot. "Are you responsible for that Candor woman?" He inquires next, I sigh deeply and rub my temples. "I'm fairly sure that the night you snuck out of Dauntless was the morning they discovered her body."
I stop then, and look at him. "No, although I wasn't aware of that." I answer admittedly.
Eric looks almost disappointed.
"Would you like an alibi ?" Eric asks with an amused tone, his eyes look me over while he removes the gloves I've lent him. His lips curl up at the corners, into a sneer.
I pause mid closing the closet and remember the people always staying the night here, but they never wake and I've never needed an alibi before and begrudgingly now that he's made himself a persistent presence in my daily life, surely they would assume something heinous.
I shake the thought from my head. I should be able to make it back before sunrise. I continue shutting the closet door with a quiet click, before turning to face him. "No."
"Won't your roommates wonder where you're sneaking off to in the dead of night?" He asks curiously.
"No one really asks." I admit again hneilling to imagine what they may assume however, with the considerations. "The leaders gave me an assignment."
There are two days till Daunt-Fest starts, I will set a deadline. Tonight I just need a general location to narrow my search, and tomorrow night I will complete my task.
I look at my watch and check the time, it is 1:04 P.M.
"What will I receive in recompense?" He asks thoughtfully, as if we've agreed upon an arrangement.
He walks over to the edge of the bed and picks the packed bag up by the straps, un-zipping it to stick his gloves in and then slinging it over his shoulder.
I glower at him as he grabs my winter jacket as well.
"Nothing." I reply flatly while following him out into the main room. "You are not to 'drop hints' to anyone or attempt to make any obvious connections."
"Where's the fun in that?" Eric admonishes with a slight smirk and shrug, before dropping a lose key and several crumpled weeds on the table. "My new apartment is next door."
I pinch the bridge of my nose and press my fingers into my eyes while grinding my teeth till my jaw protests.
"Isn't it amazing?" Kat asks with a gasp, she had dragged me to the Pit. The large underground cavern has strings of lights hung along the edges of each inclining and downward sloping path, making a swirl of blinking bulbs of white up to the glass dome above that reflect it back downwards.
"It was a bitch." Gabriel says grumpily. "A week an a half of blinking lights after hours of hanging them up and a sprained ankle."
He complains while slinging his arm over my shoulder to keep weight off of his injury.
"Don't be a wuss." Joseph says. "It's just a little rain, aye, Gene?" He jokes.
It has been a while since anyone has used that phrase, at least, in my presence. The others start laughing around me while for the moment I view the pit, ignoring their teasing and their jests.
I know the basics of electricity and wiring, the effects of such a basic understanding and use of such as merely decoration is inefficient. But effective for ambiance.
"Well I hope it heals in 2 days." Gabriel sighs deeply. Putting his weight on me to lift his leg to expose his swollen ankle. He had fallen from a ladder one story up.
"It would suck to have to hobble around while you guys are having all the fun."
"Yeah I know right? The first few days of Dauntfest is the drinking games, then there's the war games, then there's…" Jackie starts listing off all the things in which she wants us to participate.
Kat reminds me that I have 15 minutes until work.
I had forgotten that I had work today. I check my watch and it is 3:45 P.M.
"Look, she likes you." Marlene coos tickling the infants cheek, the baby gurgles and spits, the clear saliva runs down her dimpled chin.
I hold her at an arms length, my hands under her armpits secure around her tiny body. She has chocolate brown eyes over pudgy blushed cheeks and matching curly brown hair.
"You need to hold her closer. Like this." Shauna demonstrates while holding another infant, using her hip with her arm around his back and bottom. "Support her head."
I do the same, very carefully mirroring her.
"They aren't that fragile." Marlene laughs when I move slowly, the infant girl gurgles and smiles. "I'll go get their bottles." She says slapping my arm.
My grip adjusts a fraction, her slap had startled me.
"I heard you're still cycling through jobs." Shauna says conversationally, she smiles deviously. "Have you thought about the factory - Uh- What are you doing here?" She asks suddenly annoyed and distracted as she bounces a infant boy on her hip, looking past me.
I turn towards the entrance of the large nursery and to my own annoyance stands the leader in training once more. I hold the infant closer and angle her out of his view.
Her tiny hands move around feeling the fabric of my shirt reaching for my hair.
"Just checking out the different facilities, getting used to the layout." Eric replies casually, he steps to the side just as a hoard of children come rushing in followed by a frantic Deidre, her short hair is mussed, eyes tired with heavy bags under them.
"They're demonic." The older Dauntless woman complains, wiping a bit of sweat off on the back of her hand.
Shauna laughs and follows the children into the playroom, she gives me a head tilt as invitation to come join her. "Hector stop hitting him right now." She demands sternly to children I don't see in the other room.
I start after her, walking slowly as to not jostle the infant girl but Deirdre stops me for conversation.
"Felicity adores you." Deidre says to me, I blink at her, in a daze, my movements are stiff, calculated, and it is not because of Eric.
Though he watches me with rapt interest.
Marlene comes back in with a bottle. This infant weighs almost nothing. I don't believe she is not fragile, I have never held something so fragile.
I recall the anatomy of infants and think of the soft spot in the cranium where the skull has not fully formed yet.
"Is this your first time feeding - Oh what am I saying? Of course it is." Shauna giggles returning to the now crowded room.
Eric stands at the entrance with calculating eyes now, while everyone continues to ignore him.
Soon I am sitting in a chair with the infant Felicity lain across my lap, propped up on my arm with the bottle in the other tilted as she hungrily devours its creamy white contents.
I distract myself thinking of all the different substances l know to be white, and creamy. And edible.
Deidre and Shauna enter the adjacent room and Marlene with trays of cut apples and one of them, I'm unsure who mentions procuring me a burping towel.
I don't know what that is. I watch her face intently as her eyes travel around the room taking in all the sights. Her tiny hands grasp and un-grasps empty air in attempts at touching things, the bottle, my hand, my watch, my hair, my face.
Eric leans in closely, hovering. His hand brushes a lock of the infants dark brown hair away from her cheek.
"Interesting." He says simply, before stepping back, clasping his hands behind his back.
I give him a shooting glare before looking back down at the infant Felicity.
Eric chuckles darkly, making my blood tremble angrily beneath the surface of my skin. He leaves the room.
Felicity just continues to drink the creamy substance, milk most likely.
I should've known the moment I walked in that I am ill suited for this job, I should not have even shown up.
There is a sickening clench of my gut when I think to what age divergence becomes detectable in individuals.
Kat and Jade stay up much later than I anticipate, I check my watch for the third time.
It reads 12:32 P.M.
We sit on my bed in a circle while they converse animatedly about Amar planing to get the Ferris Wheel in the abandoned amusement area to move again, in time for the end of Dauntfest.
I feign disinterest in it when they gush about it and when asked if I would help. I acquiesce, looking forward to working on the machinery myself.
After about another 10 minutes I stand and slide out of bed. "Where are you going?" Jade asks deviously when they lay down for sleep, pulling the comforters up to their chins.
She leans over to turn off the lamp while I button my pants over my pajama shorts but stops to give me light.
Kat rests her head on her arms over the pillow and smiles deviously, mirroring Jade.
"Kill someone." I answer flatly, they both start giggling uncontrollably.
Jade shoots up off the bed before bounding into the main room, returning with a brush. I plop myself onto the bed next to Kat to begin sliding my boots on and Jade begins combing my hair out.
"Have you ever done this before?" Jade asks slyly while bouncing off the bed to my closet, she begins rifling through my identical clothing as though she will find something different.
Everything is black and uniform. "Sneaking out in the middle of the night to meet a guy?"
"Yes." I reply, kicking my boots into the ground, my knife is already secure, hidden within the leather lining.
"I would've noticed though." Kat says sullenly now. "You've never taken an interest in anyone before."
I tuck the length of my pants in before standing. Jade is blushing profusely, her hands on her cheeks.
"That's so not fair, I'm the only one that hasn't done it yet?" She complains flopping down onto her back with her hands covering her face as she kicks her legs around petulantly, disturbing the comforters, pillows and sheets. "I thought I would at least be before Gene. You guys never even told me!"
"Kissing and telling is a Candor quality, besides you aren't missing out on much, I promise you." Kat says with a deep sigh of disappointment, moving on from her annoyance. "Most of the time it doesn't last long, or satisfy you… Seriously, it's not even that great."
I stay silent and accept the plain black shirt that Kat hands me, even though it's the same as the one I have on currently.
I pull my shirt off to change and they begin complaining about my choice of bra, while I slide into the fresh shirt pulling it down and tucking it into my belted pants.
"Doesn't it… Feel good though?" Jade asks Kat, her face is flushed red from embarrassment as she pats her cheeks again.
"Well of course it does, for a little while." Kat exclaims, running a hand through her hair, she becomes thoughtful. "Or maybe it depends on who you're with… Oh, Gene!" She calls out to stop me.
I'm already at the door prepared to leave, and I turn to look at the two of them sitting comfortably on my bed hugging pillows, they look as though they will not sleep tonight, Kat will probably tell Jade all about her sexual conquests.
"Tell Eric we said hi."