"Genie." Eric says with palpable annoyance directly in my ear while pressing his cold feet against mine. "Gene…" He persists, his hands are freezing cold as he slides them under my shirt. "Genesis."
I prop myself up onto one elbow and check my watch from the bedside table, it only took me several minutes to return before he had finished his exceptionally long shower.
My thoughts are disorganized. His hair is still wet and he had the gall to climb into my bed in nothing but his boxers.
"What?" I ask with an exasperated sigh. I'm not appreciative of his childish games or his persistence let alone his current temperature.
"I'm cold." He complains audibly, pulling me back, I tense involuntarily each time he touches me. Every part of him is frigid. "Like a corpse right?" He jokes darkly while trailing his cold fingers along the hem of my shorts, curling his finger under the fabric.
"Eric." I warn, he sighs exasperatedly but doesn't desist, he buries his face, nose and lips in the crook of my neck.
"What is really stopping you?" Eric asks menacingly. "Are you so against enjoying yourself? If that's the case I promise to make it as painful or as unsatisfying as possible."
He sinks his teeth into my shoulder through my shirt above the stitches and I grit my teeth not in pain, but in resisting the urge to retaliate.
There is no one particular reason why I abstain, or maybe there is one in specific, but far be it from me to defend myself over something so unimportant and pointless.
I take a deep steadying breath before turning over to face him. "Why are you so desperate?"
"We're talking about you and why you refrain from physical and emotional intimacy besides the obvious reasons, I know how you view weakness but I know for a fact it lies deeper than that, you've never been with anyone before." Eric retaliates. "You did hold my hand, you also let me cuddle you, and those actions, I would argue, are more intimate than a casual fuck."
"If you understand it as a weekness, accept that as my reason." I reply evenly. "I thought several of your suggested rule changes identified that, and sought to rectify it."
He does not relent, instead laughs and leans in.
"Is it cause you're lonely?" I inquire instead, eliciting an argument instead, placing my hands on his bare chest. "I've seen your fears." I admit, though it is a half lie as I've only seen some of them after deciding they were utterly pitiable. I keep the tone in my voice level, I can vaguely feel his heart beat through my palm. He had a below average amount at 12 fears. "Or you could just be genuinely afraid of the dark."
"I'm not lonely." He replies with forced calm, but his eyes flash and become severe, he brushes my hands off. Now he is in retreat. I push him onto his back and crawl over him to straddle his hips, letting the comforters slide off me. "I hardly -"
"One of your fears manifested in the form of you being torn and ripped to shreds by dogs. Is that why you like being bi-" He grips my hips roughly, digging his fingers in pulling me against him. I respond by dragging my nails down his arms with intent to harm him for his interruption and he arches his back sucking in air sharply.
"How did you feel putting a bullet into your-" He starts to reciprocate before I threaten with my teeth placed against his jugular.
It is confirmation that he knows far more than he should about me, obviously informed. I know exactly who would have told him. The only other leader who was there.
"Another was… Gruesome,… To be dissected ." I continue passively when he stays silent, his fears could symbolize something else but the images were clear, specific. I drag one fingernail down the middle of his chest from his sternum to abdomen above his navel, digging in to leave a deep lingering mark, keeping myself from drawing blood.
There is already a very faint scar there, I had not noticed under the scarce light hairs. I ignore it and persist.
"The first incision." I speak with a medical tone, lean in and drag my tongue up the mark to apply wetness to simulate, his body is cold, exactly like a corpse.
My tongue becomes barbed and I taste traces of lingering soap.
He closes his eyes, tilting his head back as his hands hold me against him. "Go on." He breathes heavily, hardly able to speak through his gritted teeth, his brows are furrowed.
He is tense beneath me as though his imagination has conjured up his exact fear based on my reenactment.
"I think you're warm enough now." I reply flatly, prying his hands off my waist, he growls audibly when I attempt to dismount him, and he grips my thighs tightly. "I don't appreciate being constantly psychoanalyzed by you. Dissect my life and choices however you prefer, but keep it to yourself."
If he was not intentionally put up to the task of observing me. It could be his fear of being psychoanalyzed himself, that causes him to find someone else to project it on.
But no. I am sure he is reporting everything.
"Think I'll report it all back to Erudite?" Eric asks with harsh sarcastic fervor, his expression becomes vicious, eyes narrowed, his rough palm sweeps over my stomach and ribs before he digs his nails into the flesh of my waist. He still remembers where the marks were, even now.
"That wasn't exactly what I was implying." I sigh, but it was, exactly, although i'd also meant for him to keep it to himself as I dont want to hear it. "Report it to whomever yoy please, just don't inform me about them." I curl my fingers under his to remove them, he doesn't release his hold.
"You think I'm going to tell her about all your little hesitations, your attachment to people or certain places like your 'spare bedroom', your aversion to specific foods like cake, carrots, sweets and now even meat I believe,-" He pauses to sit up and slides a hand to my lower back to keep me firmly in place on his lap. "Or about your fondness for picture books and carbonated water?"
I listen to him intently as he lists things that he has observed, about how I don't speak because everyone else around me does the talking and how it is a form of acute manipulation, or how I don't drink because I don't want to let go, not really, or how I constantly check the time out of habit as though waiting for something.
His fingers and nails dig in further and further as he goes on and he creates his own imprints in my flesh.
I could stop him, remind him that I have no interest in the way he's analyzed me and or my behaviors.
Though he is mistaken on several accounts. Many of them are astutely accurate.
My own fingers are still curled around his hands but my attempts to get him to relinquish his grip on me have faltered.
His palms have become slightly slippery from sweat and I'm not able to discern what makes him uncomfortable as he is the one that knows far too much about me or, believes he does.
"I'm not going to tell Jeanine, because she's not the one that wants to fucking know." Eric says menacingly, his mouth curls up Into a scowl, baring his flashy white teeth.
He releases me with a shove, kicking comforters away from himself before stalking out of the room and I vaguely hear the bathroom door slam.
"Genie." Rouses Eric's voice, thick with sleep. "The door…You get it." I get nudged awake roughly, before he releases his hold on me to roll over, the loss of warmth is immediate.
I rub my tired, heavy eyes before sliding out of the comforters, the cold air swirls around my legs, and I tense when my soles touch the concrete. I blink a few times against the darkness while patting the bedside table, before reading the time on my watch.
The bright digits sting my pupils. 3:56 A.M.
The knocking at my front door is loud and persistent, and I'm only vaguely aware that my bedroom door is open. The noise reverberates off the concrete walls, echoing in my ears, forcing out the remnants of my dreams.
I yawn and stretch my arms before making my way to answering it, my stitches feel ever more uncomfortable today.
"What is it?" I ask Falen, blinking at the dim lights in the hall, he laughs at my appearance as I run my hand through my matted hair. I'm wearing what I consider my pajamas.
Then I remember Max had said there would be a meeting. I'd lapsed. Distracted by Eric.
Falen looks to be wide awake even after a Dauntfest night. I'm certain that I don't need to be notified of anything else important, especially at this hour.
"Well for one, I'm here for the paperwork." Falen says with a raised brow and wide spreading grin. "I also need you and Eric to meet me in my office in…" He glances at his watch. "30 minutes sound good?"
I reply with a nod, stifling another yawn, I don't deny that Eric is here and his expression becomes amused. I make my way to the table, letting the door close slowly on its own and gather the loose papers looking them over once more before handing them off.
He thanks me and leaves without another word.
"Who was it?" Eric asks, when I re-enter the room and turn on the bebedside lamp. He sits up while rubbing his face and blinks his eyes at me sleepily, giving me a crooked grin.
Apparently completely over his outburst from a few hours ago, I'm unable to recall when I had fallen asleep or when he had joined me.
I press my palms into my eyes before sliding back under the blankets. Eric sighs contentedly and wraps his arms around my waist, and presses himself closer renewing warmth.
"One of our leaders." I tell him. "We have to go-"
"We?" He asks slyly while brushing his lips against my neck as he slowly slides a hand under my shirt and up my side, his palm runs over my stomach and ribs, pushing me onto my back. "I like when you say we." He mumbles with a mocking tone, moving his mouth against my jaw, tracing his fingers along the hem of my bra.
"25 minutes." I state informatively but I yawn again, while covering my mouth to stifle it. I'm unusually tired this morning although I normally wake early.
It may be the dreams that have begun to plague me, as I can mever quite enter REM sleep. Or arguing with Eric, it is mentally and physically draining.
"We should get ready then, and… We should get some coffee." Eric says with a chuckle, at his blatant overuse of the word 'We' and possibly at my apparent unwillingness to get up, his offer for coffee may also be because of my yawn. "Then afterwards we could get some breakfast or we could come back here and… Alright, it got old."
He laughs when I turn over onto my side facing away from him. The sound rumbles in his chest, and there is a genuine ring to it that I dislike. He doesn't seem to mind my indifference towards him and his behavior ranges widely regardless of my reactions to him.
"Get up Genie, we have so much to do today." Eric throws the comforters off us both and climbs out of bed, and within moments clothes are being thrown at me, a fresh shirt and a pair of pants, then a belt.
Rather than have enough time to get coffee I remained in bed till Eric complained, donned his boots, stomped all over the sheets with them and stripped the bed of it's comforters, his slightly energetic mood is now a little more antagonistic without caffeine and irate at my waste of his 'We' time.
I've never met someone so violently petulant. Even Amar, no even Gabriel shows restraint in his antics though similar.
My mood however has soured mainly due to the conversation that continues to rise and fall in volume around me but, the longer the discussion goes, the more Eric's mood improves and currently he is in a much better temper than when he had started the day.
"I was probably the only one that thought it was stupid timing." Max says haughtily, he snuffs his already completely burned out cigarette in the palm of his hand. "I mean you have to admit, Dauntfest has just-"
"That doesn't give us an excuse to shirk our responsibilities, the announcement will be in the midst of Dauntfest, for the easiest reception." Falen argues at Max before turning his eyes on me. "It was suggested as a way to benefit Dauntless, if there were any way that this decision would prove detriment it would never have even been considered."
I fail to see how informing me of implementing Eric's ideas for next year would benefit Dauntless, right at this moment, but I do find it slightly sobering that they should want my approval and cooperation even though technically i'm excluded and they certainly don't need my permission.
If these were decisions that they deemed necessary or appropriate for the betterment and security of Dauntless, there is nothing I can dispute.
They already implored or secured several other votes from members ahead of time. Now they want to go over details.
They expect me to assist Eric in working out the fine details and tuning, overlooking his proposed methods in monitoring progress among initiates. How they would be scored and on what basis.
In a way I had anticipated this and yet I hadn't the slightest inkling as to how quickly he would take advantage of my 'Probation'.
But I also assume they are unsure of the real nature of our relationship, as well as the imminent dates of the aptitude tests and choosing ceremony looming over me.
Eric smiles widely at me, exposing rows of his flashy white teeth, while he leans comfortably against the wall, he raises his arm to read the time on my watch tauntingly, before recrossing them over his chest.
Whenever my eyes fall to him, he does this to add emphasis to how I am unable to pacify my habit.
To my credit I haven't had the urge to check the time since this morning. I occupy my thoughts on other things, trying to control what directions it takes.
I sigh deeply and run my fingers through my hair to push the stray strands away from my face before resting my cheek in my palm.
Eric is driven by emotion and hormones, highly volatile, with a little too much information at his disposal.
I can find no reason why he should still be considered appropriate for Leadership but obviously, that discussion is long past and this forum isn't a deliberation, it's a briefing of upcomming changes for my 'consideration' and cooperation.
Although I cannot deny that, now that that I think of it, his idea's seem slightly non-Erudite in nature, this one would encourage brutality and foster competition, to produce only the best initiates like he had said.
Promote the strong and reckless over the brave, his new system would indeed be favoring only the most determined to become Dauntless.
It's not exactly aligning with Dauntless manifesto but it isn't necessarily a permanent change, it can always be reverted or altered based on its success or failure.
Maybe I am just paranoid but on the other hand individuals that are smart would also have an advantage. . .
Still. The faction's have co-existed peacefully for longer than I've existed, and Eric seems hardly focused in tipping that balance in Erudite's favor, as he's busy inconveniencing me and playing in his fancies and bizarre behaviors.
It would be a long game if any, one he will surely falter in.
Falen lean's forward in his chair and snuffs his cigarette out on the desk. "Alright, well, we're done here, leadership course start at 6, it's a short day in observance of Dauntfest." He reminds before waving his hand dismissively. "During that time Gene you can -"
"Oh, I'm sure she'd be happy to join us today." Max interjects, raising his brow at me. "They've got some computer exam, you can see what you're missing out on." He jerks his thumb at Eric who nods. "It's not like you have anything better to do."
"I'll manage." I reply flatly, voicing my rejection, it's too late to participate and I would much rather not watch a bunch of people typing away or staring blankly into computer screens.
Though computers do interest me. I've spent enough time with them when they were first implemented in Dauntless.
Max rolls his eyes and Falen nods but neither press the matter further. I already understand the guidelines and restrictions so they don't need to remind me.
"You should come." Eric says snidely. "Besides, computer related exercises means…." He raises his brows and eyes to mine and smirks. It's seems he's becoming more arrogant with recognition. "It would also be a good chance to go over what your initiation experience might be like with me as a proctor…"
"Get out." Falen says with palpable disdain. "And give her the watch back." He adds shooting Eric an authoritative glance. "You look ridiculous wearing two."
Falen is also observant, and as the oldest he must have the least patience with our childish behaviors.
Max laughs before snuffing his newly lit cigarette out in the palm of his hand and stretches his arms over his head. "At least they're getting along…"
"She doesn't mind if hold onto it for a while." Eric replies with a complacent shrug while holding the door open.
Max gives me a questioning look that I return with a hand wave to express that I don't mind, as long as Eric is at least partly pacified.
Arguing just encourages him. Indifference does as well. He is quite the conundrum.
"By the way Genie, it's only 5:36 A.M." He adds while glancing at his own watch, I make no move to get up. " We could still get c-"
"How about we get some coffee, Eric." Max imposes, clamping a hand onto his shoulder. "We could get to know each other better." He grins.
Eric shrugs his acceptance but it was hardly an offer, more of an indisputable command.
He has the sense not to wait for a response from me and they leave together, closing the door behind them but not before giving me a warning look. One I find informative.
"This year was no doubt trying for you." Falen starts with a conversational tone, jumping right into an unrelated topic as soon as the door is shut. He pushes against his desk, to roll his chair back to open a drawer. "Well, for all of us."
I remain silent, sliding to the end of my chair so I can get out of it quickly if need to.
He places his keys and tablet into his pocket, he is preparing to leave which indicates that this conversation may not be a long one but he becomes distracted from it while searching drawers and rummaging through unorganized files and documents.
I wait with agitation, tapping my fingers against the armrest. "I realize it may be… Disrespectful to have Eric shadow you but given the circumstances you can understand the precautions, right?" He asks.
I nod, because I do understand, I was also given the impression that it would be a good opportunity to watch him as well. I have half the mind to think this may also be premise for them to implement his ideas, believing I support them.
"Although it's unprecedented, our concern was your well being and state of… Mind, we only have so few left…" He trails off. "You know we all have ways to deal with it. Smoking, drinking… Over time it builds up."
It must have been what Eric had hinted at when he said that Jeanine wasn't the one interested in my behaviors.
It doesn't bother me, it wouldn't bother me much if Jeanine or the leaders found out I dislike carrots either.
"I assume the nature of your relationship is still the same? He hasn't helped with stress at all?"
"He is a cause." I reply haughtily. "Otherwise all pretenses. He is enjoying them, using them to torment me and manipulate those around me. Thank you, and Max for that." I end with sarcastic accusation.
Falen laughs, leaning back in his chair and it is then that I have the urge to the time. He settles himself and pulls a fresh cigarette out of a pack in his front pocket.
"I want you you to go over this carefully though, and take into account how you feel, not just what you think when making a decision." Falen says, he tosses me my confiscated key ring with various keys removed and stands to hand me a neatly folded note from over his desk before putting the cigarette between his lips.
I nod my head slowly and stand to receive it, and put them both in my pocket. Another task no doubt, I find it reprehensible that it would be during my probation.
I wonder then if Jeanine herself is ware of it.
It's obvious that this has to do with what Eric has observed of me or reported, whatever this task, it may be to re-focus me or gauge my inclinations.
I've not read the note and it is apparent that he does not mean to give me the time to at the moment.
I suspect duplicity on his part however, the task may have a hidden agenda. A trap perhaps.
"The outcome, no matter your choices, will result in your exclusion from this coming year but we'll also amend your probation." Falen explains, gesturing for me to exit with him, taking the cigarette out once more.
His tone suggests that they've done me a favor. His eyes become softer and a sullen faraway smile spreads across his face.
"Eric?" I inquire passively. As though that would be amendment enough.
He shakes his head and says that I misunderstand.
"After reviewing how you two had managed to work some agreement where he 'covered' for you, we thought it might be premise for a future… partnership."
"Partnership " I scoff.
"But of course." He interjects. "We'll see how this affects Dauntless while you take some time to…deal and we'll see how you feel about it after your initiation."
My frown becomes the most prominently felt feature on my face. "A relationship, even one of pretense is against the rules."
Falen chuckles lightly and ignores me. "Anyway, if you have questions, which I'm sure you will, feel free to come find me or Max." Falen adds while opening the door, he pauses. "It may be best not to divulge the contents of that note with your boyfriend though, despite what you will come to suspect, he's had no direct involvement or knowledge of it."
"What is that? A love note?" Kat asks me deviously while sliding into the bench across from me with her breakfast.
I respond with a sigh before tearing the paper into as many pieces as possible, the morning congestion of people have begun filtering into the canteen, sounds of ambient everyday chatter start up around me.
"Not a good morning for you?" She asks distractedly, while stabbing at the food on her plate.
I shrug, while placing bits of paper on my tongue and she starts laughing, no doubt at my bizarre behavior.
"Oh my- don't eat paper Gene!" Jade squeals before giggling, she has a perpetual blush on her cheeks but she does not appear feverish in temperature when she catches my hand as I'm about to put another piece between my lips.
Kat takes a sip of my coffee, her face scrunches up and she spews it forth, spraying me with the lukewarm liquid. I flinch, momentarily dazed before wiping at the stray drops that had managed to get my face and neck.
I should've warned her.
"Ewww, Kat, what the hell? You got it everywhere." Jade sputters, they both begin laughing while I wipe the table with my jacket sleeve to clean her mess before the dark coffee can stain the tabletop, although, it is already decorated with years of old food spills.
"It tastes like shiiiiiit." Kat exclaims before sticking her tongue out and scraping her fork against it, she looks at me accusingly.
"Black with alcohol. No spit." I respond before retrieving my coffee to take my own sip, my response elicited more laughter from them.
The taste is absolutely abhorrent, the flavors mix into a chaotic pungent slurry, it effectively wakes me up.
I dismiss myself for a shower, despite their complaints and assurance that the smell of coffee isn't too strong. I had not taken one this morning, and cold water may help me with my thoughts.
They give me a time limit to return, which I accept, although I do not hear what they've decided as a punishment should I fail to be back within their allotted time frame.
Something about rainbow hair or facial piercings. I'd think after years of time management I would know how long 30 minutes is without a watch, but I find that I don't have the slightest inkling as to what time it is now, other than 'morning time'.
I open my door and immediately lock it behind me.
On my table is a black bag. Inside of it is a mask, and a vial of propofol.
These enough would be highly incriminating if discovered, by someone other than me.
But now I assume these tools will be ancillary to my new task.
Falen would have had the opportunity to plant these items during the time that Eric was in training and I was in the canteen.
He had told me that Eric had no involvement, and had anticipated that I would suspect him.
I turn it around in my hands and stare at it, there is no mistaking it. It is dirty, used.
This is the very mask that I left inside that faction-less nest, but I had burned my bag and its remaining contents.
I vaguely wonder what this could potentially mean.
Of how it was retrieved. Or why.
Eric assisted me those nights, more or less, but I had not told him where I had gone and I know for a fact that he did not follow me, but I cannot investigate.
Only ask Falen directly. As he had invited me to.
If Falen was a faction traitor, if he had followed me that night and knew that I had discovered Reiner. Took my silence and behaviors of late as indication of volatility and potential defecting, as they had suspected already from Eric's observations. . .
3.A.M At a place between your head and your home, far above them both.
Remember.
You can still choose.
My home would be Dauntless and although I would hate to admit, my head may be referring to Erudite. They must be more aware of my volatility in multiple ways.
Directly between the two. Head and home, going from the exit I frequently use in the restricted section, per the keys he gave me acting as a hint, is an old apartment complex building slightly taller than the buildings around it, with a view of both compounds.
I sigh deeply or perhaps Falen doesn't know of my suspicions and this task is imparted by both Leaders because of my reservations or potential defection to Erudite.
There is a possibility that it is simply to reestablish my sense of duty to Dauntless, assuage my doubts, hesitations and reluctance.
Remember,
Our purpose was always made clear, everything I'd done, everything I do has always been for the factions.
There has never been another time, nor another me… Until now, maybe. Perhaps.
Unless, that is why I constantly check the time. I've always had the feeling of waiting, but for what? Maybe Eric could tell me that since he knows so much.
I rub my bare wrist blankly, it's strange how it still feels weighted by a watch even though I know I don't have it.
I place the items in the false back panel of my bedside table. Eric shouldn't find it, not if I'm with him all day, assuming he doesn't already know they are in my possession.
I'm still particularly inclined to suspecting him given the circumstances and coincidences.
Although, I'll need a syringe and new gloves. Also my watch back as well.
"Gene, Kat." Amar greets warmly ruffling my still damp hair. "What's up kiddos?" He adds to the rest of the occupants at the table.
He get's muffed greetings from Shauna and Ash, whereas Mia had her face down on the tabletop and only offered a loud grunt.
"Nothing much." Jade responds tersely, smoothing down the parts of my hair that he had mussed, as she was currently weaving a braid, or several. I'm unsure.
I continue to push various bits of food around with my fork.
"Where did all the guys go, I thought they were with you?" She asks curiously.
Kat ignores everyone around her as she purses her lips together, peering into a small hand mirror.
The make-up she applies isn't particularly heavy, the pale orange colored lipstick matches her dark orange hair, and the eyeliner around her eyes hides the faint bluish circles around them.
Most of Dauntless have tired eyes, including Jade and Amar and yet they are all up early, ready to begin drinking all over again for the sake of Dauntfest.
I know it is meant to be more meaningful than just drinking to drink but I find myself wondering if it truly helps people forget or if it is Dauntfest that reminds them again just so they can re-forget.
If anything alcohol would remind them of what they are trying to forget as well. A never ending circle of reminders and forgetting.
The primary chemical in drinking alcohol-is ethanol. Which is composed of carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen atoms, making it an organic compound.
The effects of ethanol on the body include impaired coordination, mood changes, lowered inhibitions, dizziness, and slurred speech, while heavy drinking can lead to serious health problems like liver cirrhosis, heart disease, neurological damage, which may be where the forgetting comes from.
Already my own alcohol consumption, however little is crowding my under stimulated brain.
"They were, and that's actually why I came." Amar admits with a devious grin, I pull myself out of identifying symptoms in them.
He invites everyone to another of their snow-war games where he wishes to pit the girls against the boys. The grounds is technically still part of Dauntless' compound and I have reason to believe the leaders would be lenient.
As they did give me a task off grounds and my keys back.
I listen intently to the sounds of groans, and of enthusiasm and when Amar begins to persuade me into going, he becomes distracted before I can voice my acceptance.
I sense him before I see him.
"Hey, good morning, Eric." Amar says and I hear the sound of his footsteps approaching.
Eric greets him back with a friendly countenance and the invitation is extended to him as well.
"Actually Gene isn't feeling too well today." Eric lies blatantly and Kat gives me a raised brow. I turn in my seat to face him, disregarding Jade still working in my hair and he gives me a mockingly perturbed expression.
"I was told you went to the infirmary." He adds with distaste, placing his hand on my shoulder, pressing his thumb into my old wound with probable intent to harm.
It has become more irritable of late but not impossible to ignore. After that day where he bothered me beyond belief I decided he would never effect me in that way again, no matter how trying he may become.
It may be something difficult to hold myself to however.
"We never go to the infirmary." Amar says tilting his head at me, his expression is questioning but his tone is slightly joking with a curling smile.
"Are you dying ?"Jade places the back of her hand against my forehead.
"Oh please, get her some more coffee alcohol." Kat exclaims and several people laugh, she winks at me. "It's just a little snow."
I reply with an exhausted sigh, I've not lost their old joke, although, rain has become snow.
I fix my gaze on Eric's steely face and remove his hand from my shoulder, keeping it in mine. "We should join."
"If that's what you want." Eric says with a shrug, his expression becomes darkly amused, his fingers squeeze mine.
"Well there we go then! We've got a full party." Amar says and he is clearly pleased, he ruffles my hair again playfully and Jade hisses at him.
"Tell me why you went to the infirmary." Eric demands for the second time, he steps in front of my closet with his hand outstretched to prevent me from retrieving a jacket.
"My shoulder." I reply flatly this time, although he hardly has authority over me just yet to make such demands.
His eyes narrow, unconvinced, it was a sad excuse anyway but I persist with it.
I sigh before pulling my shirt collar and bra strap to the side. I had gone for other reasons of course but I also acquired an antibacterial ointment.
I refuse to use any accelerated healing salves or scar inhibiting creams. They are not reminders but lessons. If I wish to avoid more of them I must learn to be more anticipatory.
Eric scrutinizes it closely and prods the slightly red irritated flesh around the stitches, there is no particular smell over the faint pungent odor of the ointment, or pain and the itch has been assuaged, replaced by a tingling sensation.
"It doesn't look infected." Eric admonishes before he pinching the flesh that had already begun knitting itself together.
I grit my teeth offering only a dull expression while waving his hand away, and sidestep him to grab the first jacket I touch. I disregard the hanger that gets pulled and falls to the ground when I remove it from the rack.
"Some measure of civility and restraint from your end would be appreciated."
"Oh really?" Eric asks tauntingly as he snatches the jacket from me, only to hold it up as though he intends to assist me in putting it on, I did not mean for him to be civil immediately. "Here I thought you prefered the opposite of me."
He tilts his head impatiently, and I accept his unwanted help, sliding my arms through the sleeves.
As soon as the jacket is on he curls a hand around the column of my neck from behind, pulling me against him, his other hand moves around my waist to band his arm around me, holding me firmly.
Although my first instinct would be to stop the hand that threatens air supply, instead I place my hand over his other and I begin to unclasp the watch from his wrist in a blatant underestimation of him.
He laughs directly into my ear, but closes the circle of his hand around my throat tightly. When the watch is secure, I raise my boot and stomp onto his and elbow him in the side, leaning back to take advantage of his loosening grip in an attempt to turn out of his hold, but he releases me with no apparent hostility left in his countenance.
As though he merely meant to hand the watch over.
"You hit hard." Eric says with an impressed tone, while rubbing over his side but he wears a wide toothy grin, his eyes are bright. "We should have an official fight one of these days."
I ignore him though the though of a fight is appealing. I strap the watch to my wrist, it isn't mine so I will have to verify the time but it has the same weight and feel, not that it poses a difference, neither weight or feel has any direct effect to the time.
On the tip of my tongue I have words involving Four, and how I would like to fight him but I bite them back. It is still only remnant of Amars teasing.
But he had beaten Eric.
Eric leaves the apartment assuring me that he will 'be right back', and not to leave without him.
I had not asked or expressed any interest in whether or not he was even here to begin with, but it gives me enough time to produce and prepare the disposable syringe.
I pause for a long moment in waiting but my mind takes over and thinks of all the possible ramifications and the outcomes of drugging Eric.
Also how aggravating he is, and I decide it really depends on the situation.
When the apartment door begins to open again, I store the syringe into the drawer panel and pull the zipper of my jacket up while leaving the bedroom, closing the door behind me.
"Ready for war?" Eric asks tauntingly, while leaning in the doorway, crossing his arms over his chest, he has gloves tucked half into his jacket pocket.
I offer only a dull un-amused expression at his double sided words and take his gloves, sliding them onto my hands, his eyes watch me intently and he grins widely at my act of larceny.
I reciprocate my theft by zipping his jacket for him, he had already wrapped my scarf around his neck.
"Pretense, Eric." I state firmly, before adjusting my jacket collar and pulling my hair out from beneath it.
"Of course, Genie." Eric replies while holding the door open further, he smiles patiently. "But, you don't have to hold back on my account."
He places a hand over his chest, and trails his finger in an X motion, 'crossing his heart'.
"Duly noted." I reply passively before exiting into the empty hall, waiting for him to lock the door behind him.
I check the time impatiently, as he takes his. 12:56 A.M.
He slides his hand into mine, lacing his fingers between my own. The gloves provide adequate cover between our skin. "I guess now would be a good time to tell you that my watch is 2 minutes early so you won't be late again."
The weather outside is bright, the air cold and crisp without a single breeze, its stillness fills my lungs completely, burning fresh with each inhale.
It's not snowing today, in fact it's clear. Instead of dark and dreary, the sky is a pristine blue with puffs of clouds stretching over the gray-white expanse below.
There are sounds of soft crunches, footfalls from our boots leaving fresh footprints in the overnight snow and very little of the ground is untrod-den, slush packed against the concrete and asphalt with every step.
The distant city remains motionless around us, tall buildings and their undisturbed iced windows, their insides as quiet and abandoned as their exteriors.
I take a moment to spy the aerials and flattop abandoned apartments in the distance. They have become new forms as they glisten and sparkle with the early sunlight and crystal ice.
Occasionally everything becomes quieter, almost muffled and slow as I immerse myself in the outdoor scenery, dreary, beautiful but melancholy in a way.
There is a sense of eerie hush in the almost barren atmosphere, only interrupted by the crush of a snowball, cold and wet against the fabric of my clothing exploding around me to bring me back into focus.
I've not thrown any myself but I've become a popular target.
Kat and Jade implore me to build snowmen with them and when they start pleading incessantly and relentlessly. I relent.
These cold beings will melt away as the weather becomes warmer throughout the week, all that will be left is the grey, dirty slush and the memories of another rare day in the winter.
"The proportions are all wrong." Eric complains haughtily, from where he stands, leaning against the Ferris Wheel platform, his arms crossed over his chest. "Look at that, they've made around 3 and you've made… I'm not even sure you can call that a snowman."
I ignore him and smooth the top to place a rounded ball of slush as the head but it is the same size as the torso and I've not rounded it well enough, which to Eric's credit does make it look disproportionate.
This is not something I find that I'm overly skilled at, but it's not something I've actively participated in, rather than watched, and I'm finding it difficult in comparison, to create something, even with people to mimic.
Without gloves the frigid slush bites into the skin of my fingers, through the flesh, straight to bone till they are rigid and stiff, I glance over at the other snowmen being built.
Another thing I'm I'll suited for. Though I would think basic geometry would be simple enough.
"Don't be such a jerk." Kat chastises, she throws a snowball at him, only to miss. "Gene don't listen to him alright? It doesn't have to be a snowman, your snow… Thing, looks beautiful." She jokes, showing her tongue at me.
They laugh while I huff exasperatedly and push the head back off to begin again, it falls and smashes open over the lip of my boot, wet and heavy.
I shake it off and crouch down to brush the rest away and cup a fresh amount and begin reforming it into a new head. A sphere with the diameter of half the previous-
"Surprise attack bitches!" Amar bellows and crashes into my nearly completed piece, toppling me over in the process. I fall onto my backside into a mound of discarded snow.
He laughs out, bright eyes and frost toussled hair, flailing in the remains of my decapitated snow person, kicking the slush everywhere in a flurry of sporadic movement.
I blink at him, momentarily dazed and push onto my hands and knees to move away from the spray of coldness pelting my jacket and face, while dodging his assault.
Kat and Jade begin burying him, restraining his kicking and grasping hands while I slowly stand to brush myself off, swallowing thickly at the lump in my throat.
I wade my way over to the Ferris Wheel foundation, despite the sounds of him calling for assistance with pleading, peels of laughter mixed with their playful giggles.
"You're the one that wanted to come out here." Eric reminds when I cup my hands to breathe hot air into them and use friction to conduct warmth. "Is it possible that you wanted the rest of you to be as cold as your heart?"
I pause a moment before answering. "I thought I was heart less." My voice is level and I take a measured step closer to him.
Eric extends one of his hands out to me as an offer and I pull the glove off it. He removes the other himself while I begin to slide the first on.
He had taken them back, rather forcefully when the game began, saying that I need to 'work for them'.
"So you've finally admitted." Eric grins before brushing stray bits of frost off the top of my head flippantly, remnants of the snow thrown around by Amar. "No need to be so modest about it."
"Ambush!"
I turn, diverting my attention away from Eric to watch as Amar flees, yelling at the top of his lungs when Joseph and Shauna chase after him, hurling over the other snowmen and they begin throwing snowballs again.
Jade gives me a sly wink, her face flushed. Everyone in sight is covered from head to boot in glittering frost, with bright eyes and white breath.
Kat waves impatiently for me to join them with a inviting smile, I motion that I'll be a moment and she rolls her eyes, frowning instantly.
I sigh deeply, running my hand through my hair before putting the second glove on, snug over each finger and I curl them, feeling the resistance of my stiff limbs just as the tingling of feeling starts in them.
I'm finding that I am reluctant to participate in more of their recreational merriment.
It's difficult, and becomes more so every time. Yet, I was the one that agreed to it, like I used to, without a second thought.
I'm reminded of what Eric has said before about resentment, over their carefree lives that I only could pretend at. I believe there may be something there.
Eric circles his arms around my waist from behind, pulling me to him as he rests back against the platforms edge, settling comfortably. Almost as if privy to my thoughts.
"You did her a favor." He says lowly pressing his cheek to mine, he scratches his stubble against my jaw. "Too bad she doesn't even realize it."
I grit my teeth and as soon as I pull on his sleeves to disentangle him, he buries his face into my neck, closing his teeth over skin above my collar, below my ear.
My first instinct is to stomp his boot but instead I remain still, he expects me to retaliate.
After a moment he huffs with palpable annoyance, scraping his tongue and lips over the site, before releasing me with a shove.
"I'm hungry…" He complains audibly with mocking disdain as I stagger forward and spin to face him. "You should really be more considerate of your boyfriend." He admonishes with a low laugh before running his tongue over his canines, he wipes at his bottom lip with a thumb and grins widely. "Oh, and there are other ways to help someone sleep at night you know."
"You have difficulty sleeping?" I inquire with a bored expression, not lost to the fact that he had deduced my reason for the infirmary visit. Already.
I remove a glove to press my fingers over the indents that fit his incisors. It's deep, near enough to be painful and I can feel the blood pulsing beneath the pinched flesh
"Nope, not at all." He shrugs complacently, resting back again. "But… We could always stay up and…' Work' through my remaining 9 fears…" He offers with a sly grin exposing his teeth in a menacing fashion, tilting his head before re-crossing his arms over his chest. "Fear can be a potent aphrodisiac."
I shake my head slowly with a scoff. A putrid taste spreads over my pallet and I drag my tongue across the back of my teeth.
"How about we start on yours instead then." Eric replies simply, seemingly un-phased by rejection, as usual. "Max tells me they range from laughable to extremely… Violent. Although, I can't imagine how they could range so widely if you have so few."
I stare un-amused, at his bright blue-gray eyes and smug countenance. Despite my effort for calm, I slide my hands into my jacket pockets, curling them into tight fists with my nails digging into the cool leather gloves. "The leaders gave me a task."
A swirling dark smoky feeling arises, and I swallow thickly. It's much different than the taste of my petulance and not so easily assuaged, even trying not to imagine clawed into his warm flesh. I take a shallow breath.
"Did they?" His eyes narrow slightly, and lose some of that amused glint, his jaw tenses. "Already?"
I turn away before he can begin his calculating study. Unanswering. My silence will be response enough.
For the moment I think maybe he really didn't know about it. Like Falen had said.
"Eric wait outside… Or go… Do something productive." Falen sighs, rubbing his temples before he slides the tablet he was working over to the edge of his desk. He snuffs his seemingly neglected cigarette out in the ashtray that sits precariously balanced on the keyboard of his computer.
I pull the scarf from around my neck and throw them into Eric's outstretched hand, along with the gloves and he laughs at my lack of patience while sliding out the door obediently, dismissing himself with an over-exaggerated bow.
To Falen we must just look like bickering children.
The office air is musty with stale cigarette smoke, and a hint of alcohol lingering like an afterthought.
The lack of windows or ventilation makes the room much less hospitable.
His wide desk is still crowded with stacks of neglected papers like this morning, he hadn't gone through enough of his work. I can tell he must be taking a break from entering them electronically into the system, it would explain his tired, and bored disposition.
"Gene." Falen greets before gesturing for me to have a seat. I unzip my jacket and tap my fingertips against the armrests impatiently as though he should start at any moment, after all, he had anticipated my return.
Max was unavailable, somewhere, probably drinking and enjoying Dauntfest. I can find him later if needed.
Falen's brows furrow, his expression looks genuinely displeased and he leans forward, curling his hands together on the desk in front of him as his eyes scrutinize me, they soften to what seems to be concern.
I raise my brow questioningly with the impression that it should otherwise be obvious as to why I'm here. Unwilling to ask aloud how they had actually intended for me to escape Eric, who they themselves employed to watch me. If they hadn't told him I recieved another task.
Then, I become aware of the mark on my neck and I brush my hair over it.
The bruising is just high enough not to be covered by my jacket collar. It is easily concealed by my hair however, if not tucked behind my ear.
Falen slowly leans back and taps his fingers on the desk as if deliberating, the drumming sounds of each tap are hollow in the small space.
"I followed you that night." He admits, with a complacent shrug as though it's the simplest notion in the world.
Not at all what I was expecting of the conversarion.
"I retrieved some of your belongings."
I frown and clamp my teeth together as he goes into minute detail of how and when he had arrived at the faction-less nest, as though he was observing a simple training exercise, or a simulation.
Not an actual situation, with impending consequences.
"I moved you and applied scant first aid, then instructed the Abnegation boy -when he came to, to do the same until you woke up, your injuries were not fatal -"
I continue to listen intently to his believable tale and begin to settle back into the leather chair thoughtfully lacing my fingers on my lap.
My determination to complete the task had indeed aroused some suspicion on their part and they felt the need to follow or shadow me.
But I deduce that Falen had indeed, his own agenda. There is no way he couldn't have discovered Reiner then.
"I explained that I was the one that took out the faction-less, while in search for you, a runaway from Dauntless… I implored him to talk you into returning and not to mention that I was ever there, a leader-."
That explains why Todd didn't suspect me, or why he insisted I head back to Dauntless, although he'd not known it was my intention to. Also why he automatically assumed I was a victim, and even his assurance that he wouldn't tell anyone I was there.
Almost all of it is impressive, how quietly this was accomplished but I had deduced it before this meeting.
That Falen is a traitor.
The only remaining things I couldn't quite fathom now is why he had not killed me.
He could have returned to Dauntless, informed them of my failure. That would've been the end of that.
Then lastly, I deliberate, why I am reluctant to turn him in. Why I have not said anything. Perhaps I would not like Dauntless to lose another competent leader just yet, or I need more evidence.
He becomes distracted and sighs exasperatedly at the frequent beeps coming from his tablet and I slide to the end of the chair in preparation to leave.
The image on the screen indicates that it they are incoming messages from Max, probably something ridiculously mundane, or only intended to annoy greatly as he has a sense of humor that tends to involve misuse of technology.
I check the time before standing to make my way to the door to give him the opportunity and privacy to deal with whatever has Max so excited.
This conversation ended up being a lot longer than I'd expected and Eric had been left to his devices too long.
"Gene." Falen calls before I can exit. I turn back to him and close the door, raising my brow in question. "Was there something else you meant to discuss?"
"Not presently." I reply, opening the door once more to exit. There is a brief look of recognition across his face.