My huge thanks to everyone who read the first Chapter, and especially to RJay Fame, CowtionFish, and CajunBear73 for taking the time to review.

As you've probably noticed by now, this is an alt-So The Drama so story, in a way. That means I should reassure readers that this is not going to turn into an emo Ron story.

With that out of the way, what does Drakken's lair hold in stock for our heroes?

Chapter 2 - You Give Love a Bad Name

"This feels weird, KP…"

Kim nodded in agreement with Ron's assessment. "We haven't even done anything, they haven't spotted us, but they're scrambling around. They're loading those trucks with metal barrels, can't read anything from here…"

The pair were observing Drakken's latest lair from what they had considered a safe distance. And indeed, for all the activity they could see, none of it betrayed knowledge of Kim and Ron's position. The mission had been planned around an unusual confluence of resources – the words tax fraud really could move heaven and earth. I don't even want to imagine the pressure the IRS must have applied on Global Justice, Ron thought to himself as Kim stood up and packed away her binoculars.

"We should move," Kim said, "they're clearly not going to wait around for GJ to show up, but maybe we can slow things down for them…"

"Right behind you, KP." Ron's answer carried his usual enthusiasm, as he too got up to follow Kim down the hill that served as their observation post. They had estimated that it would take ten minutes to reach the lair's perimeter, Global Justice's forces were not due for another half hour, and Drakken's goons looked like they could be on their way at any moment. The snowy environment meant that, for those travelling under their own power, skiing was essential to quickly reaching their destination. This was not an obstacle for Kim, and even Ron had gotten the hang of it after a few snowy missions. They were doing good time, about halfway to the lair's entrance, as the noise of aircraft engines was heard. Ron looked around, in vain. "I don't see anything!"

At the same time, Kim spotted a flying object in the distance, headed away from the lair. "Over there, that has to be Shego!"

"Why do you say that?" Ron's question prompted his friend to hand him the binoculars, which he used to get a closer look at the rapidly-distancing aircraft. "Ok, green and black paint job. Points for keeping with the theme, but you'd think she'd go for something a little more subtle."

"Like she's ever gone for subtle," Kim replied with more than a little frustration in her voice. "Let's keep moving, before anyone else gets away."

As the two teens approached the compound, the frantic pace at which Drakken's henchmen were loading cargo onto two trucks, parked one in front of the other, became evident. In fact, they seemed so busy with their task that none of them offered resistance upon the arrival of two intruders. They were still loading a pair of military trucks. HEMTTs, good choice for these roads, but I wonder where they got them from, Ron wondered while looking around, examining the already-loaded containers. The soviet-style manpower-heavy approach to logistics might have been cheap up-front for Drakken's operation, but it also degraded his forces' already poor situational awareness – Ron was practically climbing onto a truck's bed while Kim nonchalantly examined the tires. After satisfying his immediate curiosity, Ron got to within whispering distance of Kim:

"KP, we should sabotage the trucks before these clowns think of doing something about us."

"How about if we tied them up in each other's winches?"

As Ron nodded his approval of the idea, Kim grabbed her Kimmunicator to call Wade, taking care to keep the volume at a low setting. His voice was heard after a few instants:

"Hey Kim, GJ is still at least 15 minutes away, I'm tracking them now!"

"Tell them to hurry up, Shego's escaped, and I bet she wasn't alone. The henchmen are loading a pair of military trucks," Kim oriented her device to show Wade the HEMTT behind her, "and we need to delay them until GJ gets here, can you look up the manual for these things to figure out where the winch on the side is controlled from?"

"Sure can!" He answered before furiously typing away. "Got it, M977 Series 8x8 Heavy Expanded Mobility Tactical Trucks! There should be a large valve on the winch assembly. Do I hear the engines running?" Kim nodded. "Good, the winch is hydraulically operated, but that shouldn't be a problem if the engine is on."

Kim and Ron approached the winch unit. To their inexperienced eyes, it was not clear how it was supposed to be of much help in towing or recovering anything. Fortunately, today's mission was not to recover stuck trucks, but to create chaos and immobilize otherwise unencumbered trucks. The thick cable was just begging to be looped around one or more axles of the other truck. While Rufus ran ahead to find a good spot to wrap the cable around, Kim operated the valve, extending the cable. It was Ron's job to carry the steel hook over to where Rufus had found a suitably chaotic location for it. For good measure, the process was repeated with the second truck's winch.

Much as Ron would have liked to wait around and observe the fruits of their labor, Kim was not ready to give up on the primary mission – to find and apprehend Drakken:

"Head in the game Ron, we need to search the place and find Drakken!"

Ron sighed. His friend's reasoning was solid, but that did little to curb his disappointment. "Aww, man, this is going to be epic and we're going to miss it." Nevertheless, he quickly followed Kim as she ventured into the lair, which seemed unusually deserted. Perhaps they moved all the stuff outside first so that they could focus on loading the trucks.

The entrance level of the facility did not seem particularly interesting. A small security office next to the large cargo elevator; a large, mostly empty garage; and some sort of break room. Looking around next to the elevator, Ron noticed a building floorplan with marked evacuation routes – it indicated a large hangar above and three more levels below them with labs and offices.

"Is it just me or did Drakken seriously upsize his lair this time?"

Kim inspected the emergency instructions posted on the wall. "Sure looks that way. Do we start up top or down below?"

Ron had shifted his attention to the room adjacent to the elevator. "I'll check the camera feeds in here, maybe we can figure out where there's still action." A few monitors, each carrying a handful of camera feeds, were set up just to the side of the guard's window. The setup would have felt quite at home in a much more mundane installation such as a satellite ground station or large police station. Very unusual for a lair to have this sort of attention to detail.

"What's that Ron, what's unusual?" Kim's voice sounded somewhat distant as she was inspecting the stairwell opposite the elevator.

"Uh, nothing, just mumbling to myself," Ron shouted back. Good hearing, I didn't even realize I was speaking. Rufus, who'd taken to inspecting the CCTV monitors up close, looked back at Ron with a confused look. "Alright Kim, looks like we want to go down, upstairs is deserted, but I see some guys running around on the feeds from the lower levels."

Kim had redirected her attention back towards the elevator as Ron, Rufus in tow, was leaving the security office. Looking at the control panel, she called out: "Looks like the elevator's coming up, we need to take cover and surprise whoever's on it."

Cover was scarce. A sound architectural decision, but an unpleasant situation for a duo of infiltrators. Kim could hide behind a slightly protruding pillar; it was better than nothing. Given the lack of suitable geometry, Ron retreated back into the security office to await the arrival of the elevator. The wait was only a few seconds long, bookended by a chime and the sound of large doors sliding open.

Ron wouldn't be able to see much from his position, but the scenario was not unusual. Time for a little distraction. All he needed to worry about, for now, was timing his appearance to give Kim enough time to get in position behind the elevator's occupants. With Rufus as a lookout, this was not a difficult task, just a matter of waiting for his signal. In the meantime, the sounds of crates being manipulated made it clear that the elevator was carrying more than inanimate objects. Rufus was more agitated than usual, what is he seeing that's so weird?

Footsteps could be heard approaching at a decent pace and Rufus signaled Ron to move in, which he did. He had expected to see some of Drakken's discount henchmen, perhaps the man himself. Instead, he jumped out of the security office and saw four large, identical humanoid figures, clad in red and black, wearing sinister masks on their faces. Each was carrying a large crate.

Uh oh.

Kim was in position, but it was clear she too was unpleasantly surprised by the encounter. Whoever these souped-up goons were, they meant business and had the muscle to back it up. Worse, if they hesitated at all when faced with Ron, it was far too short a time for him to notice. Almost immediately, the four large drones – the word individuals did not seem apt to describe them in their seemingly completely identical nature – placed their cargo on the floor and focused on the teenager that stood in their path.

Ron started walking backwards, as his opponents moved forward with slow, but deliberate and precise movements, more akin to a robot than a person. This gave Kim the opportunity to strike at the legs of one of the drones, knocking it down and causing the remaining three to look back and assess the situation. Again, they wasted little time on their decision-making process, the knocked-down drone quickly rose again with no visible difficulty and the group split into two pairs – one each to deal with Ron and Kim.

Trying not to panic, Ron shouted over to Kim: "This was so not what I was expecting, who are these guys!?"

"No idea, but I hope GJ is not far behind us!" Kim was answering in between jumps, she had never been a fan of presenting a static target to her foes. She seemed to be getting in a few blows, but without much of a real impact on her two adversaries.

Ron dodged as one of his opponents lunged at him, but this left him in a bad position to avoid an attack by the other drone. He ducked just in time to avoid the drone's large hand – mostly, the attacker scraped Ron and tore his belt apart. Oh man, not again! "Why does this keep happening to me!" No sooner had he voiced his displeasure, than his pants fell to his ankles, tripping him and bringing him to the ground. The first drone was up and about and blocked Ron's retreat towards the outside of the structure, the second one moved to attack him, all but certain to hit. He instinctively closed his eyes.

Instead of whatever pain Ron expected when hit by his foe, he felt little more than if he'd been hit by a leaky beach ball. He opened his eyes and saw before him that his attacker had been reduced to a soft outside vessel, wrinkled up like a deflated balloon. It was surrounded by what Ron could only describe as "green goo" – and Rufus stood triumphant on what was left of the drone, a large gash the size of a naked mole rat bite visible on the thing's left leg.

The surreal fate of their foe shocked the two teens. Ron hesitated before getting up and could see that Kim was just as surprised that their foes were not human, although she did not let that slow her down. Their three remaining opponents switched to a less aggressive posture, no doubt in response to Rufus' handiwork. It wasn't likely that they'd go down as easily after determining that their divide-and-conquer tactic would cut both ways. As they regrouped, Kim joined Ron towards the facility's exit.

"KP, think we can hold them back until GJ arrives with the cavalry?"

"I've got a better idea," she answered before reaching into one of her pockets. Out came a pocketknife. "I think it's time we cut a deal."

A deal? These things haven't even spoken a wo- oh, cut a deal! "Ha! Good one, Kim!" Ron looked over at her, she was grinning. "Looking forward to cutting these things open?"

"Oh yeah," she answered.

The three drones were now moving aggressively towards the exit, their intention seemed to involve ramming any obstacles. The plan was not a great one, relying on brute force. Kim jumped forward at the group, forcing them to move aside and giving Ron the opportunity to trip up the one that had moved away from the two others. The drone was not nimble enough to dodge Ron's move and fell right into the puddle of goo that had just been its teammate a minute earlier. While Kim kept the other two drones busy, the one closest to Ron did not move after getting back up, its face covered in goo.

Maybe the goo blinded him? Whatever the reason, Ron saw an opportunity and grabbed his own pocketknife. He was far too clumsy to dare hold it open while fighting his opponent, unlike Kim, and needed to spend a few precious seconds readying the camping tool. Just as he was about to stab the drone, it too deflated like its buddy, Ron's stab adding insult to injury, but not changing any outcomes. Half their enemies lay before them, reduced to puddles of green goo. Ron inspected his fallen foe and once again found that Rufus had defeated the drone, even if he'd only done so instants before Ron's own strike.

"You okay, buddy?"

Rufus nodded, and with a theatrical frown, added "gross". So it sounded to Ron, anyway. Even he had trouble understanding Rufus' vocalizations sometimes.

What had seemed like a fight of two against four had become three against two. And Kim was successfully restricting the movements of her two foes all by herself. As Ron ran to join her, she jumped at one of the drones – the scenario was far from unusual, Ron had enough experience fighting all sorts of henchmen to be able to limit their movements options, and he naturally took Kim's spot as she landed next to the drone. Lacking a good escape route, it had barely moved, and Kim easily stabbed its leg with her knife. One foe remained and it did not have any good options left. It lunged in Ron's direction, but he was not caught off-guard and dodged the incoming drone. In the process, he lost his balance and flailed, hitting the final opponent with his still-open blade. The fight was over.

"Booyah, the Ronman does it again!"

"Dumb skill saves the day again," Kim said as the duo surveyed the scene. "Although I think Rufus beat us both."

"These things are sick and wrong, what the hell did we even fight? They felt solid when I hit them, but they're like the most disgusting balloons ever!"

Kim grabbed her Kimmunicator, not having any answers for her friend. "Wade, we just fought four… Synthodrones. They're like robot balloons filled with a weird green goo."

That's a better name than I was going to suggest, Ron thought.

"Did you say 'robot balloons'?" Wade's answer evidenced some disbelief, but he had seen enough from the comfort of his chair to know what to do next. "I can try to scan that green goo for you, if you can get to some it."

"Please and thank you." Kim had already loaded a sample and Wade got to work immediately.

"Woah, this is weird, I've never seen anything like this! I'm going to need you to collect samples and deliver them to me."

Kim and Ron looked at each other with newfound concern. It was unusual for Wade to be dumbfounded, especially in technical matters.

"Hey Wade," Ron asked, "is this stuff toxic? Rufus bit into these things and my right arm is covered in goo."

"I don't think so. I'm seeing some irritants, but nothing that won't wash off with some water." Wade's answer was reassuring, even if it had more asterisks attached than usual.

"Good to know, Wade. These things are not fun to deal with, even if Ron and I did manage to ambush them this time. Any word on GJ?"

"They're establishing a perimeter; they brought in a lot of muscle on this one…" Wade paused while typing something. "Looks like they've taken care of the goons and the two trucks, a team should be with you any second now!"

A voice was heard behind them. "Miss Possible and Mister Stoppable, I presume."

Kim and Ron turned to face their visitor. He was accompanied by about a dozen other Global Justice operatives.

"Agent Roberts, Global Justice." He continued, surveying the scene and failing to hide his surprise at the piles of green goo. "Looks like you two have been busy. I'll spare you the 'should have waited for the pros' speech, your friend Mr. Load called to inform us of the situation. Your handiwork on the two trucks bought us enough time to get our people in place, we were not equipped to chase them down, so I'm satisfied that you're not to blame."

"We appreciate the kind words, Agent Roberts." Kim answered, followed by a nod from Ron.

Well, they're kind by the standards these jokers set for themselves. Will Du would have ranted for hours about amateurs while allowing Drakken's sorry little goons to escape unchallenged. Ron did not think very highly of the organization, but their resources were useful more often than not, so even he knew when to shut up.

Roberts motioned for one of his team to collect samples. "What can you tell us about this place? What are these… things?"

Before Kim could conjure up words to explain the sitch, Ron stepped in:

"Well, we're pretty sure Shego was here and left in an aircraft while we were surveying from afar. There's a decent chance Drakken was with her, we haven't seen him. The lair is substantial, there's a giant hangar above us and a few floors of labs and stuff below us. We saw activity on the CCTV monitors from the lower levels, so we were going to check those out. Kim noticed that the elevator was on its way, so we tried to ambush whoever was on it… And out came these four goo-filled things, Kim called them 'synthodrones'. They were strong, somewhat nimble, and at least somewhat smart, but they pop like balloons…"

The lead GJ agent reached for his radio.

"All units, this is Alpha lead. Team Possible encountered unexpected resistance from some sort of humanoid robots, we're calling them 'synthodrones'. Red clothing, freaky masks, glowing eyes, at least six feet in height. Use of lethal force is authorized against any such synthodrones that pose a threat.

"Bravo team will secure the stairways and elevator. Charlie lead, once your team is done securing the prisoners, sweep the top levels. Delta team will join us downstairs once they arrive. Echo lead, do not let the bureaucrats into the lair until I give the all -clear."

The various team leaders acknowledged their orders over the radio.

"Bureaucrats?" Ron asked.

"The IRS dispatched four guys to document this place and we couldn't say no because we needed Uncle Sam's resources for this one. My guys will keep them out of our way until everything is safe. If everyone is ready, let's get on with this." With no negative answers, Roberts turned to Kim: "Miss Possible, I'm sure you'd like to take point on this one, but I'm going to have to insist you let my men do that. We may run into more of these synthodrones, and I'd much rather let my little friend here handle the introductions." He drew attention to his firearm, an oddly futuristic design that felt right at home with other Global Justice gear.

Not at all surprising to see these guys running around with P90s, I bet they chose them mostly because they look cool. Ron glanced over at Kim, who was – for once – happy to stay back.

With the combined efforts of Global Justice and Team Possible, the complex was swept in a little over an hour with no additional opposition. The lair was full of the sorts of things Drakken might have been expected to have on hand, from death rays to a giant mutant octopus. Additional synthodrones in various stages of manufacture were found, including some apparently completed ones that had not yet been programmed.

Not all of Drakken's projects fell within what was expected of him.

"I feel like this room is a joke at my expense," Kim said, looking through a large Plexiglas window.

Kim was struggling to find a rational explanation for Drakken to have had a research lab converted into a room fit for a stereotypical teenage girl. Posters of pop stars, pink walls, a closet with contents eerily similar to Kim's own… Somehow the two bean counters armed with HP-12C calculators (which Ron recognized as the latest 12c Platinum model, the same that his father carried around) only made the resulting atmosphere creepier.

"Well, Miss Possible," said agent Roberts, "one of the researchers who talked to us said this was meant to investigate the mind of a typical high-school girl, in search of weaknesses."

"That is sick and wrong! Wrongsick!"

"I have to agree with you, Mister Stoppable, it's very troubling. But it gets worse, if you'll follow me…"

Kim and Ron followed the lead Global Justice agent into an adjacent lab, which seemed to house some synthodrone production. They were startled when they saw a motionless teenage boy at the end of the small production line.

"Before you ask, that is a synthodrone. Unprogrammed, but that would have happened soon, they had a whole personality ready to upload. When you're ready to leave, join me upstairs, I'll arrange transportation for you." Roberts left the room.

Ron did not know if he meant to give Kim and him some privacy, but it was welcome. They looked at each other. She was instantly crushing on synthodude over there, that is gross! Ron knew Kim well enough to understand her reaction and to know that he needed to choose his words carefully.

"It's okay KP, Drakken did this to mess with your head, it's normal that you're weirded out."

"Ron, this is ferociously wrong. I…"

"You ran into a creepy invention meant to prey on your weaknesses."

"I instantly thought 'oh snap, I so want to kiss that guy'!"

Kim was practically shouting at this point, and the privacy the duo had been given was now very appreciated. Her face carried a deeply troubled expression. At a loss for words, Ron simply hugged her.

"Thanks Ron, you're always here when I need you."

"Couldn't let you go without your daily dose of Ronshine, Kimbo! Now let's see what makes synthodude tick!"

The synthodrone sat on a lab bench, wearing a tag that read 'Synthodrone 901'. No detail had been glossed over, only a large bundle of wires running from a connector on its back shattered the illusion that it was human. Kim and Ron shifted their attention to the workstation next to synthodude. Kim sat down at the computer and began looking for relevant information, the machine was unlocked and displayed the unique user interface of Windows XP, in all its blue-and-green glory. Very on-brand for Drakken, I bet he would have loved those old blue desktops the school newspaper still uses. Kim found a folder labeled 'Project Erik', which contained drawings, documents, code, and other artifacts that seemed to match the synthodrone sitting next to the two teens.

"Eww, way to ruin that name for me, Drakken. Now every guy named Erik is instantly off the table. And I kinda liked that name…"

"There's always Eric with a 'c'."

"So I meet a guy, he says his name, and I ask him whether he spells that with a 'c' or a 'k', 'cause 'k' is a dealbreaker?"

"I see your point, KP."

After looking around for a few minutes, Kim sighed and slid her chair away from the workstation.

"There's a lot of stuff in here, way more than we can go over now. I'll ask Roberts to send Wade a copy of everything they find, and hopefully we can get on our way home."

Ron nodded in agreement. Kim got up from the chair and headed for the door, still uneasy about the synthodrone that had almost been unleashed to wreak havoc in her life. As Ron followed her out the room, he turned his head back for one final look at synthodude.

How could I ever compete with that?

For anyone wondering, the manual for the sort of surplus HEMTT Drakken might have been able to buy circa 2004 is TM 9-2320-279-20-1.