Chapter 5: Trials and Errors

So A/N again: This chapter contains Harry having a panic attack and general discussion on his mental health by other characters.

'I will, Kingsley,' Gawain said sighing. 'I trust you. I always have.'

'I told the fool to wait,' Rabastan Lestrange sneered. 'Now they have been alerted which could have been avoided.'

'All is not lost, my lord. They have still not discovered the culprit. Why did the fool not wait for our instruction? But no matter, we are nearly ready. The next strike will be when we are ready.' The other voice said.

'Potter is not such a fool. But the Dark Lord's cause is more just. The Lestranges don't give up. And they do not break faith.' Lestrange ground out.

'Patience, Lord. We will win. We just need time.' The voice reminded.

'What about the others?' Lestrange asked. 'All have reached the designated safe houses, my lord. There have no glitches, so far,' the voice answered again. 'And our agent, what does he say?' Lestrange asked. 'Has heard nothing, my lord. He has not been to any new meetings within the fidelius or outside.'

'Damn Potter for choosing the Minister for the secret keeper. But it will be better at the Ministry. Better for sowing discord.'

'Very well, my lord. Very well.' The voice answered.

Ron and Hermione were exhausted. They had spent the whole day trailing the two Wilkins couples. They had even established which of the two were Hermione's parents but neither of them was sure how to proceed from there. Neither of them had made a viable strategy about that. So, now, they were back at their hotel room, sharing a rather subdued dinner.

Hermione was extremely agitated. 'If we went and talked to them just like that Ron, they'll run away or worse hand us over to the police,' she said wringing her hands. 'I suppose we could always stupefy them. But they will never trust me again,'

'Hermione, you've brought the photographs, haven't you? Why don't we go in as muggle reporters or something?'

'I suppose we could,' Hermione muttered doubtfully. 'We'll try that tomorrow then,' she said coming to a decision. 'How did your games go?' She asked looking at the chess book in Ron's hands. 'I'm still running a profit. If you count the fact that we didn't spend much on travelling and that we had to be here anyhow, it's a pretty good gig. I'll have to work on it now though. I've already won the amateur tournament. The rest are going to be against pros. And it's going to be difficult. It's no different from wizard's chess. Once you get over the fact that the pieces don't knock out each other. Mine tried not to interrupt me anyway.'

'You think you can win, then?' Hermione asked. 'I think I have a chance. No promises.' Ron smiled. They were interrupted by the owl bringing them their Daily Prophet. They had decided to take the subscription because they didn't want to miss out on news from home. Harry tended to be rather unreliable about any news that concerned him. The headline in the delivered prophet confirmed their worst suspicions. It said-

ATTEMPTED ASSASINATION OF HARRY POTTER IN MINISTRY PREMISES

Ron and Hermione shared a look. Harry had not mentioned this in their last talk via the mirror. In fact, he had spoken about nothing except his godson. Maybe a talk in the mirror was long overdue.

Harry answered at the first ring, asking about whether their search was any further along. Ron and Hermione gave him half-hearted updates. Finally, Hermione composed herself. 'Harry, you weren't hurt, were you? Why didn't you tell us?' Harry visibly cringed. 'It wasn't the most important part of the day, honest. I sort of forgot and well, I didn't want you to worry.' Hermione looked furious. 'You didn't think that nearly dying was important? Harry, when will you get it in that thick skull of yours that we care?' she cried. 'Sorry, Mione.' Harry said tiredly. 'I've already had words with Mrs. Weasley. I'll take more care from now on. Is that okay?'

'For now,' Hermione shook her head. 'Where were you going?'

'To reassure Andromeda. I don't think she will be taking the headline any better,' Harry grimaced. 'Will talk tomorrow. Good night, Ron, Hermione.'

'You think Harry's been avoiding us, lately?' Hermione turned to Ron once Harry had disconnected. 'I dunno. He may have been busy with ministry work and Teddy. Didn't he say that Kingsley stayed over often?'

'Did it occur to you Ron that he may have been lying?' Hermione asked exasperated. 'He wouldn't lie Hermione. He used to tell us everything important.' Ron tried to console her. 'Yes, just like he told us when he was planning to let Voldemort kill him. He actually died Ron. He hasn't talked to anyone about that. I'm really worried about his mental health. And I don't even know if wizards have therapists.'

'What?' Ron looked totally lost. Hermione snorted. 'A therapist, Ron. They're muggle healers. Mind-healers. Only they look at the illnesses of the mind. They heal people who aren't in their right minds or want to kill themselves, stuff like that. They're also supposed to help with grief or anxiety.' She explained patiently. Ron turned white. 'You don't think that Harry…' he trailed off, unable to say the awful possibility aloud. 'That's just it, Ron. I don't know. We left so soon. He's been awfully closed off since the battle. Both of us shouldn't have come Ron. I was so worried about my parents that I didn't think…'

Ron held Hermione in her arms. 'You're allowed to worry about your parents, Hermione. It's fine, Mione. It's fine.'

Hermione was very apprehensive as she got ready the next morning. They were going to visit her parents. They had prepared their binders of photographs and she had rehearsed her little speech more than a hundred times. All in all, Hermione thought that she was pretty well equipped when she rang the doorbell. Of course, things went wrong almost immediately. Firstly, Mrs. Granger-Wilkins was alone at home and wasn't keen on letting two unknown teenagers in her house. The had to beg a fair bit to gain entrance.

Once they had entered the house, things didn't get any easier. Mrs. Granger-Wilkins proved remarkably unwilling to listen to anything they had to say. They were only halfway through their carefully rehearsed spial about magic when she spooked. She decided to rush to her bedroom to call the police. Hermione, who had grown increasingly more desperate, followed. 'Please, Mrs. Wilkins, please just give me 1 minute,' she pleaded. She had taken out her wand and held it behind her back. Mrs. Wilkins made the mistake of looking at Hermione. 'Oh! You poor children. Let me just make this one call. It's going to be alright.' Hermione closed her eyes praying frantically to anyone who'd listen. 'Please, let it work… please, just let it work. She raised her wand and whispered. 'Meminimus.' A jet of white light emitted from her wand and struck her mother squarely in the chest. She collapsed against the floor, stricken. Hermione ran to check her pulse. 'Renervate,' she tried though she was trembling. Monica Wilkins, who now remembered her life as Emma Granger opened her eyes.

'Hermione!' she breathed. She stared at her unblinking as if she was looking at a ghost. 'How did this happen?' Unexpectedly, the doorbell rang. The moment broke. Ron opened the door before the other two could come downstairs. It was Mr. Granger-Wilkins. 'Who are these new children Monica? They look a little old to be from Methuen, don't they?' He put a bag of groceries on the table. Hermione raised her wand. 'Now wait here one moment,' he said looking anxiously from face to face. Hermione looked at her mum beseechingly who sighed. 'Wendell, just for a second, look at me. Please.' Mr. Wilkins-Granger bemusedly looked at his wife. That was all Hermione needed. 'Meminimus.' Mrs. Granger held her husband upright as he became disoriented, his eyes unfocussed. She led him to the sofa. His eyes darted from one person to another, going from confusion to recognition. Hermione felt rather than saw her father's temper rising. He glared at Ron.

'Out!' he screamed pointing his finger at Ron. 'I don't want to see your face again in my home. You and your kind….' His voice choked. He was breathing heavily. He got up and moved as if to push Ron outside. Ron's face had scrunched up in bewilderment and then concern as her father hurled further abuse at him. Hermione could just shake her head mutely. Ron looked from Hermione to her parents. 'Alright. I'm leaving,' he said quietly. 'Hermione, you know where to find me if you need.' He opened the door. She could almost feel the rain outside. And he was gone. Hermione was standing alone with both her parents looking at her for answers. Answers which she did not know how to give.

It was half an hour before her father calmed down and was ready to listen to something. And another quarter of an hour when Hermione to finish her clumsy explanation of the war and her role in it. She had expected another explosion of anger from her father. It never came. Instead, it was her mother who spoke. 'Hermione, sweetie, we understand how you felt but you were taking an awful lot of risk….'

'I know mum but Harry….'

'Hermione, dear, let me finish. You were taking an awful lot of risk with our memories and sanity. After all, you couldn't be sure that either spell would work?'

Hermione looked down. 'I had a pretty good idea but no I couldn't be sure, no. But the death eaters, mum you have no idea how they behave.'

'Your friend, Harry, his relatives were what you would call muggle too. They weren't mind wiped as I recall?'

'Well, yes. But that's Harry. Oh, mum, dad, I'm sorry. I should have tried harder. I should have asked the order. I'm sure they would have helped. I'm so sorry.'

'Hermione, sweetie, I know you were trying your best. But what you did… was a mistake. I'm sure keeping us safe wasn't your only motivation, but can you see it from our point of view? Honey, you took away our choice.'

'I'm sorry, mum. I was afraid that if I told you, you would never let me go back to the wizarding world. It's my world too, mum. I couldn't bear to leave….' Hermione said in a small voice.

'Honey, we understand, we really do. I'm not sure what we would have done if you had told us then. I'm not going to pretend that it would have been easy. It wouldn't have been. But I'd like to think that we would have let you go, eventually. You're a brave child, Hermione. You wouldn't have been happy, staying back. But it should have been our decision, one that we took together. From where we're standing, it just feels that the magical world has taken our daughter away from us.' Mrs. Granger's voice was heartbroken.

'Oh, mum, you're right. I wasn't thinking. But I love you.' Hermione was crying too. Her father spoke for the first time. 'Hermione, sweetie, you are our daughter. We have always loved you and we always will. Even when we didn't remember you, we wanted to. We volunteered at Methuen and other group homes. We decided to take night classes so that we could foster children. Believe me, even when we forgot you, we remembered the love. Still, it's going to take some time to forget this, Hermione. We missed your eighteenth birthday. We missed a whole year of your life. And we have had our whole lives uprooted. We'll have a lot of explaining to do to our friends, both old and new. I'm sure you must have thought about it?'

'I planned to say that you both were in witness protection program. It's not exactly a lie. Even if the criminals you were being protected from were the magical variety. You want to come back then?' Hermione sounded hopeful. Daniel and Emma Granger laughed. 'Yes, honey we do. However, we can't just totally dig up our lives here and move immediately. You also owe us a lot more family time. It seems we need to be preparing for a son-in-law.'

'Son-in-law!' Hermione spluttered. 'The young man we met must love you a lot to follow you to Australia for such a mad-cap scheme. We just need to know if you love him as well too.' Her mum said smiling. 'I think I do. I need to send him a message. Otherwise, he'll worry. Then, till September, no more magic. I'll help you pack and move. Not magically, the muggle way. I created this mess. The least I can do is clean up.' She moved forward to hug her parents. It had been such a long time. 'Someone owes you an eighteenth birthday present,' her dad smiled as he returned her hug enthusiastically.

Harry fiddled nervously with his robes as he waited outside the courtroom six. The two witches who were supposed to screen him and his wand were shooting him awed looks. Kingsley had kept his promise of telling him ahead of time who he was going to face but that did not make it any easier for him. The last time he had been here, half of the Wizengamot had voted to convict him. But he was not on trial today. Proudfoot coughed loudly though she did not try to hurry him into entering. Still, it did not do to keep the court waiting. Kingsley might already have started drawing the worst of the conclusions. He pushed the door open and entered.

Harry tried to match the faces to the names he knew were coming to listen to his story today. Some he recognized instantly. James Faulkner, head of international magical co-operation department, Agatha Boot, Head of Spellcraft and Wizarding Development, Anthony Jones, head of the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes and Rebecca James, head of the department of Magical Transport, he had seen often during meetings at Grimmauld Place. Sanjeev Pathak, the current head of DMLE was sitting where Madame Bones had sat two years ago. He could also recognize a few other people. He noted that unlike Fudge, Kingsley had not taken the head seat himself. That seat belonged to the elderly Madame Marchbanks, the head of the wizarding examination authority who had given more than a few of his and probably most of the Wizengamot's examinations. Mrs. Longbottom and Edward Bones (Susan's father) were also present. Andromeda had told her that he could claim either the Black or the Potter seat of the Wizengamot himself if he wanted to. Not that he wanted to. The death eater trials were going to be horrendous.

He could feel everyone's curiosity on him. Kingsley asked the members to take a formal oath for not divulging the content of today's hearing to anyone outside the room. The brief ceremony over, he looked at Harry, hesitating. Harry cleared his throat and began. Trying to be as factual as possible, he recounted about the horcruxes and his last year trying to destroy them. He omitted many facts like Ron's leaving, the terrible Christmas, the part about wands and Ollivander, Xenophilius Lovegood, anything which did not directly implicate any death eater. He stopped only when he came to the part about Snape's death.

This part was going to be hard. He needed to explain it if he needed to exonerate Snape and the Malfoys. Hating every moment, he described his realization of the seventh horcrux and his choice to return due to the blood connection. The looks he received from Wizengamot varied from awestruck to frightened. Kingsley had an expression of absolute tragedy and heartbreak on his face. Finishing his story with Neville and Nagini, Harry waited politely for questions.

The questions came one after the other, and all kinds. Madame Marchbanks was curious about horcruxes while some others were curious about how he survived. Harry tried to answer giving as little information as possible. One questioner, who looked rather like the pictures of Arcturus Black, caught Harry's attention. 'Your friends. Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, will they be giving their own testimony, isn't it? Why aren't they here?' He asked. Kingsley identified his questioner as Abaraxus Warwick. 'You aren't related to Grace Warwick, are you?' Harry asked surprised. The elderly gentleman hrumphed. 'She's my granddaughter. So, your friends..'

Harry politely explained that Ron and Hermione were in Australia. 'I have no idea when they will be back. You can take down their statements later or I have a two-way mirror if you wish to talk to them sooner.' He told him. Harry was very tired by the time all cross-questions from Wizengamot were over. It was not just physical strain, he reflected, but trying not to let anything important slip out and toning down the worst parts had been a nightmare. He was completely drained.

He was mildly alarmed when he realized that Kingsley and Auror Robards would be accompanying him back to Grimmauld Place. He was not keen on having his sanctuary invaded but he'd already permitted them to use the house. He also did not have the energy to argue.

Kingsley was surprised at Harry's lack of protest at the escort but he did not show it. Instead of relief, he only felt increasingly concerned about Harry's state of mind. Not for the first time, he cursed the necessities of politics which had this testimony important. More than once he had wished that Harry would say no even if it got him sacked as the minister. Someone else could then deal with this unholy mess. Reaching the headquarters, Harry had walked in brusquely. He, with Gawain peering over his shoulder, hesitated on the front step. Harry had not explicitly forbidden them from entering and he did not want to leave Harry alone in this state. He opened the door. The site that greeted him justified his decision.

Harry was curled up on the sofa, his eyes closed and body shaking. He, very cautiously, put a hand on his back, not wanting to startle him. He gave no response. Kingsley rubbed soothing circles on his back. Harry relaxed a little but broke into exhausted sobs. Kingsley distinctly got the feeling that Harry wanted to stifle them. Kingsley did not know how long he sat their trying to comfort Harry. Eventually, Harry sat up and Kingsley offered him some hot chocolate. 'Here, you'll feel better. Drink it. I promise this isn't poisoned.' He gave a pained smile as if remembering an inside joke. 'Does it get any easier?' His voice was a mere whisper. Kingsley remained silent. 'You are both aurors. Does it get easier seeing your partners die on a mission with you? Or under you? When you've ordered them into danger?'

Kingsley and Gawain looked at each other. 'It doesn't. Not really. You just get better at remembering that your colleagues knew what they were doing. That they wouldn't want you to blame yourself. I'm sorry. I wish I had an easy answer,' he finally said.

'I'm not sure I want to live anymore.' The plaintive admission broke Kingsley's heart. This was what he was afraid of. 'Harry, you don't have to decide anything right now. Just one day at a time. There is Teddy, Andromeda, Ron and Hermione to think about. And without you, I'll be lost.' He confessed softly. 'Kingsley,' Harry tried to speak. Kingsley silenced him. 'It's alright, Harry. Try to rest. Gawain and I have some paperwork we need to finish if that's fine by you.'

'Sure, Kingsley. And thanks. I mean it.' Kingsley watched him going upstairs. Not as steady as he would have liked but better than he had looked a few moments ago. Only when he heard him close the door did he release his breath.

'You're angry.' Gawain's words were not a question. Kingsley jerked up. 'Not at him. How could I? Ever since that fateful day, he's done nothing except giving everything he had to save people. He risked his life for even Draco Malfoy of all people. And here I am, who keeps on asking more and more.'

'It's not your fault, either,' Gawain told him gruffly. 'Anyone can see you'd spare the lad if you could. He doesn't blame you either.' Kingsley laughed mirthlessly. 'Blame and Harry? I don't think it would occur to him to blame. But I do blame myself. I blame Dumbledore. How could he let him… I blame the Dursleys…'

'Dursleys?'

'His muggle relatives. I blame anyone who taught him his life is worth less than the others.'

Gawain did not relent. 'You're still not to blame. You did what you could. He was too young for this. It would be easy to manipulate him in this state…' Kingsley sighed. 'I had hoped you would put aside your differences after the hearing today. I was mistaken it seems.' He gave a small smile and added, 'At least we agree we need to protect him.' Gawain returned the smile and nodded. The two friends spent the rest of the night doing paperwork in companionable silence.

'You were on fire today, mate! You sure you hadn't played in any tournament before this?' Ben Williams asked as Ron treated him to a hearty lunch. Ever since Ron had defeated him in a friendly game in the park. He had been kind enough to escort him to the three tournaments he had participated in and even good naturedly agreed to help him analyse the games. If he hadn't been so worried about Hermione, he would have quite enjoyed his time. Despite the fact that she was with her parents and had sent a patronus immediately, he still worried.

'No. I used to play for fun only. People stopped playing with me after I got too good to beat. I was about seven.' He smiled fondly. It was mainly the twins he used to beat one against two. They used to bore very quickly. Ben laughed. 'How old are you again? I always enjoy seeing a fellow Brit in the game. There are so few of us here.'

'Oh, I turned eighteen this March. How did you know I was British?' Ron asked distracted. He didn't want to give away that he was a wizard. 'Surely you didn't think you could pass for local? I had spotted you the first day itself. Say would you like to collect your documents. You should get registered and apply for your FIDE rating. You're easily Master level. The guy you defeated, Henry Baltik, he's rated 2176. You clobbered him. You could be better with coaching. Easily, IM level, maybe even GM.' Ben tried to explain but Ron was lost less than halfway through. Ben laughed and accompanied him to the arbiter. Very patiently he helped him file out the paperwork and tried again to describe the FIDE process.

'You don't have a bank account?' Ben asked looking puzzled, once they had returned and Ron was thinking of going back to the hotel. 'I'm eighteen, mate. My mum and dad have one, I suppose… but I don't come from money. Never had much stuff which wasn't borrowed. Wish my girlfriend was here now. She'd understand all this much better.' Ron felt it was such a cop out but Ben nodded in understanding. 'You have a girl then, back home?' He asked wistfully. His tone tugged at Ron's heart. Muggle he may be, but he was a fellow traveller, far from home just like he was. He found himself accepting his invitation to his flat for dinner and drinks. After all, how much could a muggle harm him. He also found himself opening up to this stranger more than he had ever done back home.

'My girlfriend and I are on a world tour. You see, we had a rough year back home. I… I lost a brother. She had to leave her parents… in regrettable circumstances. She wanted to find them. And we both wanted a breather, so, here we are,' he told him as they walked. 'What about you?' 'I'm just an exchange student here for a semester.' He launched into a long, convoluted description of his master's study. 'So, you still in school?' Ron laughed, feeling lighter than he had in ages. 'Well, no. I have a job, a good job lined up once I get home. I'll be a trainee but I'll be earning. My girlfriend is all for more studies though.' They chatted all the way to the flat. Ben was thrilled to hear about Ron's large family. And Ron just needed an outlet to vent his grief for Fred. He had a couple of close calls when facts inadvertently slipped out but it was the most honest he had been since the battle.

'Listen,' Ben told him when he finally got up to leave. 'I sort of do some chess coaching on the side. This is my phone number. You're a very promising player. I won't say give up your job because I know chess pays very little. But if you tried, you have a lot of potential. If you ever want to think about it, just give me a call.' He pointed to a small bookshelf in the room. 'You haven't read a lot of chess books, I guess. Take one. My gift to you for upholding Britain's name today.' Ron's face lit up immediately as he started leafing through the books while Ben smiled indulgently in the background.

It was a fine June morning when Ginny Weasley decided to visit St Mungo's hospital of magical maladies. George had got steadily better but had not come home. Percy had been a devoted companion to George, juggling between his ministry duties and the hospital. Ginny loved helping Percy and truth be told she much preferred George's dark humour compared to the Burrow. Her father was hardly home and mum constantly worried about the members of the family who were absent. Thinking of them made Ginny inevitably think of Harry. She hadn't seen him much in the past few days. He kept reassuring everyone, especially after the assassination attempt, but the dark circles under his eyes always told the real story.

Ginny was desperate for advice about her non-existent relationship with Harry but wasn't sure who to ask. Lavender! How could she have forgotten. She had visited her a few times over the past month like the others of the DA but she hadn't thought of asking her for help. With renewed determination, Ginny turned to Lavender's room.

As Ginny entered Lavender's room, she saw Dean Thomas. 'Hello! Hope I'm not interrupting anything,' she asked pleasantly. 'Oh no, Ginny. Dean here was just leaving,' Lavender remarked brightening up considerably. True to her words, Dean soon said his farewells and left, leaving Lavender and Ginny to their gossip. 'Poor Dean,' Lavender said thoughtfully. 'We had a thing you know, before the war when he had to leave. After the battle, well he decided he need to stick with poor battle-scarred Lavender. Even when he's started developing feelings for Seasmus.'

'Seasmus? Dean is gay?' Ginny wondered aloud. 'Well, that's beside the point. What I wanted to say was neither of us are happy. But he feels honour-bound to stick with ugly me,' Lavender sniffed. 'You could never be ugly, Lav. How are you really? When did the healers said they wanted to release you?' They chatted for some time when Lavender decided that she had had enough. 'Enough. Out with it, Ginny. What did you want from me?'

Ginny blinked. 'Why did you…' Lavender giggled. 'I've had enough of sympathy callers in this past month. I know how to spot the difference. Oh, don't worry. I'm not offended. In fact, it's quite refreshing having someone who needs my help. Makes me feel I have some talent.' Ginny laughed whole-heartedly. Briefly, she explained about Harry to Lavender. 'Ah, that's a difficult one,' she told Ginny pensively. 'I think it's less about protecting a girl but a general thing. He's really kept everyone at an arm's length. Poor Harry. The kind of life he's had, losing everyone close to him, it's no wonder he thinks that love is the enemy.'

'How can I make a difference then?' Ginny asked her miserably. 'Don't worry Ginny. You just need to give him time. And show him he can't do without you. Just stand by him, unobtrusively. He'll come round, eventually. In the meantime, you need to have a plan.' Lavender patted Ginny's shoulder affectionately. 'Believe me, Lav. I do. You know, I'm working hard for my sixth year exams in August. And I'm working hard on Quidditch. I want to play as a pro. I have to maintain my form so that I can be scouted. Personally, I'm hoping for the Holyhead Harpies.'

'That's brilliant,' Lavender squealed delighted. 'I'm sure you'll do it. That will make Harry take notice.' Ginny smiled. 'I certainly hope so. You're awfully clever, Lavender. Have you thought of joining the aurors too?' Ginny questioned. 'Oh those aurors! All so straightforward and no sense for gossip. I dare say I could teach them a thing or two. I'm not aiming for the full package, though. Once I get well, I might try out as an interrogator.' Lavender explained. Ginny felt genuinely felt happy for her. The two girls chatted away for quite some time, enjoying a momentary distraction from life's insanity.

A/N 2: I know I'm being hard on Hermione here but though I'm not a parent, I do know what a parent will feel under these circumstances. As for Ron, his chess skills are criminally underrated. Initially, I had planned to include more of the trials at the ministry in this chapter, but it sort of developed a life of it's own. However you say it, these kids are traumatized. And Ron has more EQ than most give him credit for. He would rate his problems as lesser than the others in the group so I can't quite imagine him talking to his friends. As for his rating, I've rated him at about 2300 elo. This was a tribute to one of my all time favs, The Queen's Gambit. Keep in mind that I'm not a professional player so if I've messed up anything, I'm sorry. Hope I haven't messed up the time difference part either.