Hell's Trickster: Part 5
A/N: Before we begin I would like to apologize for my disappearance without a word. I have no real excuses other than I forgot, I got entangled in reading other series and it just slipped my mind, I do not have a fixed writing schedule, when I am inspired for a certain story in my head it goes on until I get stuck and change to a different one, for this one in particular my mind went way faster than my hands(because my mind does not really care much for some minor details) and by the time I was writing the previous chapters it was already planned what would happen until the end of the return of Tsunade and the shitshow that will happen because of course there will. Anyway, I am not really good in setting things up very diferent and my mind got pretty stuck in how to handle shippuden as there would not be an emo to kickstart most of the events of the plot there. Whatever this is banically the beginning of the canon and where Naruto begins making fun of dumbasses officialy if you have understood the meaning of the title.
At last the final exams of the academy were on sight, not that it mattered much for our favorite redhead as he had spent most of his time just sending clones to the academy or writing a detailed and extensive report on how the current curriculum of the academy was a bad joke for the profession, that was of course when there were taijutsu lessons and his trick would be uncovered otherwise, not that there weren't more than one who had noticed, the obvious ones were Shino because his insects are that op, Hinata because byakugan is a thing, Shikamaru that was to intelligent not to notice and by extension Choji and the obvious one Tsuki that actually knew what he was capable of apart from a couple others that found out their own ways.
Anyway, the exams were nearing, Naruto had recently finished his joke assignment by Endou to make a report of the academy curriculum as detailed as he could and the older Senju could not stop his chuckles reading it imagining how the civilian council, that for some reason had taken authority over the academy, would react upon the barely masqueraded insults compiled into the report.
He had already tried to take that right away from the civilians multiple times but without enough proof of his claims he had not succeded, he could also not assign this task to any of his men, first because they would likely revolt if he tried and second because he would not be able to hear the end of it when the council found out.
A couple days later Naruto was now in the class finishing the written exam that Mizuki had cast a Genjutsu upon.
"Why have you not killed the bastart already ningen? The repugnant fleshling has been trying to mess with you since day one." Said the fox in his head with psychopathic tendencies.
'You know I can't just kill him for being an ass, he will probably have his ass handed to him when the shinobi side takes over this joke of a ninja academy' Was the response of the boy that had a bored expression on his face after answering exactly half of the useless questions of the test and intentionally writing nonsense on the other half.
As their conversation about the demise of their least likable educator continued time passed until the end of the test when Iruka collected the papers and went out with Mizuki for their taijutsu and bukijutsu parts of the test.
Naruto of course made a fool so as to stay dead last while still passing much for the dismay of Mizuki that had not seen through the boy in contrast to Iruka that had had more than one talk with the boy about his shenanigans in the written tests as Naruto made no effort to hide them as in one test he would answer one question perfectly just to spew out some random nonsense on the next time that exact question appeared, needless to say as dedicated as Iruka was to his job he knew when to give up as was the example of the other genius of the class known as Shikamaru. He knew the two boys were capable of at least getting higher grades but deliberately decided not to, and had made sure to inform the Hokage of this fact.
After those tests that barely amounted for a fraction of the score compared to useless theory, the kids proceeded to the last part of the test, Ninjutsu, that actualy consisted in one of the most underrated jutsus in the canon aka Henje no jutsu, one of the most overpowered jutsus in the series aka Kawarimi no jutsu, and the most useless jutsu that did absolutely nothing but be a show of how untrained the two most useless kunoichi in the chunnin exams were aka Bunshin no jutsu.
Of course Naruto decided to have a little fun at the expense of his teachers as for the Henje he used the infamous kinjutsu of Oiroke no jutsu to send Iruka and Mizuki flying with a nosebleed, for the Kawarimi he evaded the practice kunai by substituing with a stone that made the kunai change direction and "accidentaly" hit Mizuki square on the head.
When Mizuki recovered and everithing was ready for the Bunshin no jutsu the two instructors were cautious of what the boy would pull of only for a pair of absolutely normal clones to appear. What neither realized was that they weren't actually bunshin but instead Kage-Bunshin under a genjutsu to hide their shadow. Naruto by this point could make them with a simple one hand ram sign and so he did the signs for the bunshin without chakra and made two Kage-Bunshin with one hand while using the sharingan to hide their shadow.
After a couple seconds of expectation of somethind happening Iruka aucuartly chuckled and congratulated Naruto on passing much to the dissatisfaction of Mizuki who began thinking of how to trick the new Genin which of course did not pass the senses of the Uzumaki who decided to wait and see.
At the end of the academy all the kids went home except for Naruto that left a clone on the swinger while he looked from the shadows.
After a couple of minutes of waiting finally Mizuki appeared and explained to him that due to his poor performance in the academy while he had graduated he would automatically be put on the reserves without being able to do missions but seeing how hard the boy had tried had moved him and so Naruto was the extra test to steal the forbidden scroll. Of course Naruto smelled the bullcrap from a mile away but decided to pretend to fall for it.
Half an hour later on the Hokage tower Naruto used the ANBU paths to reach Hiruzen's office and got down from the celling.
"Hello Naruto, what brings you here today?" Asked the aged Hokage with a smile on his face happy for the distraction of his nemesis much to the boy's amusement.
"Well… I finally got the hitae-ate but Mizuki-sensei..."Began the boy with his most exagerated and and false inocent tone while explaining the situation.
When he finished explaining a very entertained Ryu was eating popcorn in one side while the old Hokage had a deadly serious expression on his face.
"Could you not…!?" Asked Hiruzen to his ANBU commander that was taking lightly the matter of a possible traitor.
"Ma, ma… It is obvious that the brat already has a plan to deal with it seeing how relaxed he is." Answered the masked man waving a dismissive hand to his leader.
At those words the monkey turned to boy that now had an evil smirk that would scare even his traitorous disciple, "So, what do you have in mind Naruto-kun?" asked the curious Kage...
THAT NIGHT (insert evil smirk)
As the starry night covered the skies of the leaf a boy was jumping across the rooftops to fulfill his task, meanwhile lots of other shinobi were being dispatched in search of him to retrieve what the boy had allegedly stolen.
In the end the boy reached his destination in the forests of the village awaiting for the traitor to make his move.
"So Neko, how much time do you think the dumbass is gonna take to fall for it?" Asked the boy to the masked woman in the trees.
"Don't know, this is always the annoying part of ambushes waiting for the pray, you will have his ass in a silver plater anyway."
"Aww, is the cat unhappy the fox is gonna get the mouse?" Retorted the boy to the ANBU much to the amusement of her companions followed by a couple minutes of waiting. (A/N: Yes this has absolutely no relevance in the story just a random joke that came to mind, for those curious there is a full ANBU squad of four shinobi hiding in the trees in case shit hits the fan.)
"Naruto what do you think you are doing!?" Asked an unhappy Iruka not realizing the plot.
"Ne Iruka-sensei I have passed the test as Mizuki-sensei said then I am no longer going to be in the reserves and go on aMaZiNg ninja missions!" Answered the exited redhead not able to contain the little sarcasm at the word amazing that got contained chuckles from the tree spectators.
At hearing those words Iruka was able to put two and two together (at least part of it) and was about to explain when a flurry of kunai was thrown in their direction.
As an instinctual action of the teacher he shoved Naruto out of the way and bearing the brunt of the attack.
"Nice job in finding him…" Said the perpetrator of the attack.
"I see… so that's what's going on…" Retorted the injured Iruka.
"Naruto, give me the scroll!" Ordered the traitorous Mizuki.
"NARUTO! DON'T GIVE HIM THE SCROLL EVEN IF YOU DIE!" Exclaimed the maimed Iruka at the apparent astounded genin.
'Duh, this scroll just has a paint trap in it anyway' "HEY! HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?! HEY!" (A/N: As dumb as this dialogue is it is 100% canon, I literally have the manga in my phone beside me.)
"THAT IS A DANGEROUS SCROLL THAT HAS FORBIDEN NINJUTSU SEALED WITHIN IT, MIZUKI USED YOU IN ORDER TO GET HIS HANDS ON IT!"
"Naruto… There's no point in you having it I'll tell you the truth."
Those words prompted a reaction of everyone (not hidden) present, Naruto looked down to hide the mock that threatened to escape, Kurama perked his ears to have a laugh at whatever stupidity Mizuki is going to use to try to break his container and Iruka was shoked.
"N… NO! DON'T!" Tried to stop Iruka.
"15 years ago… (I am making them older for 2 reasons 1st I find stupid to treat 12 year old brats as soldiers, 2nd I find it cringe when there are lemons with such characters, it is still pedophilia with 15 years but they at least are a little more developed) You know about the demon fox being sealled right?" Began Mizuki much to the amusement of 2 and horror of the third.
"Since that incident… a new rule was created for this village, but Naruto this rule was never meant to be told to you."
"...Not to me? What is this rule? Why?" Answered Naruto mocking ignorance much to the amusement of the fox.
"The rule is that nobody is allowed to talk about the fact that the demon was sealed inside you, you are the demon fox." Said dramatically the traitor.
At those words Iruka was horrified meanwhile Naruto and Kurama deadpanned looking at Mizuki.
"That's it?" Asked Naruto with a raised eyebrow.
To the two instructors that was the least expected reaction.
"What? How…?!" Tried Mizuki to understand while his counterpart was too shocked to react.
"I mean, I have known about the furball since I was 4, Hokage-jiji knows about it and Mizuki-teme you should read the academy manual in Fuinjutsu I am not the fox, he is inside my guts yes, but I am not him." Said Naruto calmly which just shocked even more the instructors.
Meanwhile on the trees.
"I mean, the boy has a point there."
"Yeah, the sealing scrolls explanation is enough to understand his situation."
"Yet most of the population is too stupid to figure it out."
Back to the action.
"Anyway, Mizuki-teme I am gonna beat your ass and let jiji decide what to do with you."
At those words Mizuki could not help but chuckle. " hehe, you really think a fresh genin can hold a candle to an elite chunin?" Mocked Mizuki actually believing his words.
"Just watch…" Said Naruto beginning an unnecesarily long series of handsigns.
"NINPO SSABMUD NO JUTSU!" Exclaimed the genin nothing seemed to happen which made Mizuki lower his guard.
With his guard lowered upon the aparent not activation of the technique Mizuki couldn't react when Naruto appeared in a burst of speed behind him and knocked him up with a swift hit from the bottom of his kunai.
At the fast resolution Iruka couldn't react, first he saw Naruto doing a strange combination of hand signs and then run swiftly behind Mizuki to knock him up, if not for his underestimating of Naruto he could have figured up that it was just a simple Genjutsu.
After that Naruto proceeded to tie Mizuki up the way his Anko-nee had taught him, BDSM style before unplugging a permanent marker and beginning to paint all over his face.
"Alright I think that's enough boy." Said Neko as She and the rest of her team appeared on the clearing which made Iruka nervous as he thought they were after Naruto.
"Mou… Neko, the asshole deserves it." Childishly complained the boy much to the dismay of the academy instructor.
"I know Naruto but I think Anko is not going to be able to do her work if you humiliate him any more…"
"Sure let's go back to the old man to report can I leave him to you?"
"Yeah, just go, Hokage-sama should have already stopped the search, not that it really matters."
At those words Naruto proceeded to pick up the confused Iruka that had been applied first aid by an ANBU and proceded to the tower acompanied by Neko while the others escorted Mizuki to the TI department.
As thei arrived at the Hokage office a beaming Naruto decided thart knock the door was por pussies so he decided to kick it open with a beaming smile on his face muck to the horror of Iruka and amusement of Sarutobi and Ryu.
"Seems your plan succeeded Naruto-kun" Said the satisfied Kage at his new competent subordinate.
"Did you expect anything less Saru-jiji!" Beamed Naruto at his first official mission accomplished.
"NARUTO! YOU MUST SHOW PROPER RESPECT!" Screamed the still injured Iruka.
"Meh…" Was his only answer from the boy while Ryu let out a chuckle.
"Anyway, Naruto this is going to be marked as a B rank mission in your second active archive in ANBU and will be compensated as much, Iruka-kun I expect your discretion on this matter."
The words of the Kage shocked the academy instructor, one of his students actually had a second identity in ANBU and from the appearance of things this was not the first mission he had accomplished.
"If I may ask, why does he have a second archive in ANBU?" Said Iruka fully expecting to not get an answer.
To his surprise it was Ryu who responded. "That is to keep the council out of the fact that Naruto is way stronger than he appears until he is out of their reach, otherwise they would have stopped at nothing to prevent the promising boy from training which would have been annoying, I have also used it to take advantage of his talents in pranks to check security flaws around the village and keep the guards alert unless they want a paint bomb on their face." Said half jokingly the ANBU commander explaining his reasoning.
"By the way Naruto, if you don't mind we would like to use that fake you made as a decoy."Asked Ryu.
"Sure thing, I did not really know what to do with it, should I deactivate the paint trap?"
"Nah, I will make for a good lesson for someone…"
As they exited the Hokage tower Iruka could not help but ask. "Hey, Naruto what was exactly that jutsu you tried to make in the forest?"
"Oh, just read it backwards."
"Backwards? SSABMUD… SSABMUD… DUMBASS…" Iruka just facepalmed.
END OF CHAPTER
AN: Well, how did you find it?
It was an actually funnier chapter than in my mind as when I though of it I was already in a funny mood, originally the explanation for the DUMBASS no jutsu was made by Ryu to Hiruzen where he also revealed the fact that Naruto have been trained by ANBU, at last I decided to make it so Hiruzen already knew to make things easier.
Some may wonder about why the second archive for Naruto, the actual main reason is Kabuto, with a second archive Ryu and the Hokage are only going to put the bare minimum in his actual archive to fool the council and any spy that gains acces to it aka Kabuto.
For the academy report stuff I don't know if I am going to put it on the next chapter or some time later as a flashback.
_!SPOILER ALERT!_
For those who already got the reference for the next chapter Naruto is going to get his team and fool Kakashi with their help and with a camera recording it for the amusement of his ANBU friends. There is going to be youth coolness and a very exasperated Kakashi with his new team.