Disclaimer: I don't own the TV show Passions or its characters, plot, or setting. This story is a creative work based on the established Passions universe (with some of my own original additions you'll meet here) and is intended for entertainment purposes only. It is not meant to infringe on any copyrights.

August 2001

A month and a half after her night with Sam, Ivy moved into her townhouse. She had Italian takeout for dinner and washed it down with sparking water. She'd planned on getting a bottle of her favorite white wine to celebrate her new beginning, but the store didn't have it. For some reason she hadn't really craved alcohol lately, anyway. She decided maybe the countless drinks she'd had in her time as a Crane had turned her off to it temporarily.

After she finished dinner, she wandered around her new home. The townhouse's seven bedrooms and five bathrooms were a lovely mix of modern and classic décor. On the main floor, there was a large kitchen, a formal dining room, a living room, two offices, and a library. Her movers had already assembled the furniture she'd bought, unpacked most of her boxes, and hung up her clothes in the walk-in closet in the master bedroom.

She eventually made her way to her bedroom and found one special box she'd told the movers to leave to her. Drawing on the confidence she felt from the recent changes in her life, she opened the box and started to slowly take out its contents one item at a time. She transferred her journal, jasmine perfume, locket, and the mermaid necklace Sam had given her the night Ethan was conceived, along some photo albums and letters, to safe in her closet. Then she quickly closed the door and went to distract herself by getting ready for bed. She didn't have the heart to get rid of the things from the box, but that didn't mean it wasn't painful to look at them and feel the memories they held wash over her again.

While she'd bowed to pressure when she married Julian, Ivy had held her ground in another area of her life: she'd insisted on finishing college at the same time she was a Crane wife and new mother. She had a degree in business administration with a minor in fashion merchandising. She hadn't been able to put her degree to use, until she decided to start her own fashion line shortly before she left Harmony. This was something she'd dreamed of doing for decades, but she'd never been able to because Julian and Alistair wouldn't allow it. Ivy told herself it was probably better that she no longer had the Crane name; now that she was starting a career, she wanted people to like her designs because they were good, not because they felt obligated to. She had fun building her business in Boston and was grateful when the contacts she'd made over the years helped her find a great team of employees.

When she went out to shop, have lunch with her employees, or just explore Boston, she noticed men watching her. The bolder ones tried to talk to her. Ivy shut them down with a glance and a few choice words, if she deigned to speak to them at all. Maybe Julian hadn't been completely wrong when he called her an ice queen; it seemed there was only one man who could warm her heart. Whatever the men thought about her reaction to them, she knew she wasn't ready to move on in this area of her life, at least not yet. Her days were generally good, but she still cried herself to sleep at night. The memories of nights spent with Sam always returned, no matter how much she tried to shove them away.

Pilar stayed in Harmony and continued to work for the Cranes, but she visited Ivy in Boston, and they talked on the phone. Ivy had to stop herself several times from asking Pilar about Sam. It could have been wishful thinking, but Ivy occasionally got the feeling that Pilar was weighing saying something about him, too. She always wound up directing the conversation to something else, though.

Ivy returned the photos of Eve and Julian and the copy of Eve's mug shot to Eve. This resulted in a phone call from her a few days later when she got the hand delivered envelope at her office. Eve suspected Ivy of some sort of underhanded motive at first.

"There's no trick. I just wanted you know I'm not going to hold your secrets over your head anymore," Ivy kept repeating.

"Thank you," a surprised Eve finally replied.

Ivy hung up the phone a short time later, thinking that if things were different, maybe she and Eve would have been friends. They were both imperfect, headstrong, ambitious women, and Ivy couldn't think of anyone who could put her in her place as easily as Eve. Those qualities were hard to find in a friend.

Ivy called her daughters and invited them to come out from where they lived in Berkeley, California to visit her. Ivy explained she had a lot to talk to them about, and she preferred to have the conversation in person. The girls seemed weary, but they didn't turn down her invitation. They said they would try to plan a trip to Boston soon. Those relationships would take time to mend, but Ivy had hope it could still be done with enough effort. "I have to believe we can be close again," Ivy said to herself once she hung up the phone. "I don't want to lose anyone else I love because of my mistakes."

Two weeks after her move, Ivy woke up in her bed and stretched. She rolled from her side to her back and started when she bumped against a warm body. How had someone else gotten into her bed without her realizing it? A glance over her shoulder left her calmer but still perplexed. "Sam? What are you doing here?" she whispered.

He was watching her with a gentle expression. He put a hand on her shoulder, turned her so they were facing each other and she was in his arms. "I had to see you," he said. "I can't hide the truth anymore. I made the wrong choice when I said we were done at the police station. I care about Grace, but not the way I care about you. We belong together. I still love you. Do you still love me?"

Ivy stared at him in astonishment for a few seconds, then she hugged him tightly. "Of course," she said. "I've loved you since the day we met."

Sam returned Ivy's hug. She spent the next few minutes trying to memorize everything about this moment—his scent, the feeling of him holding her, the overwhelming happiness—until he kissed her. The passion in it assured her that what they'd shared years ago—and more recently—was far from over. They continued kissing until she felt his hands on the waistband of her pajama bottoms. She guided his fingers to the drawstring bow in encouragement and he started to undress her.

Ivy opened her eyes and halfway sat up in bed. She started to feel around for Sam until her mind caught up with her and she realized the bed was empty except for her. She collapsed back against her pillows with a sigh. A dream. Another dream, as vivid as always. She could almost still taste his lips on hers. She lay curled up in a ball for a minute, trying to force down her grief and concentrate on the present. In the next instant, forgetting about her dream became a lot easier; a wave of nausea came over her, and she threw off the blankets and ran for the bathroom, where she got sick in the toilet.

This was the third morning in a row that she'd gotten sick. She stood in front of the sink when she felt a little less queasy. Staring at her reflection in the mirror, she wondered if she had the flu. But she didn't have any other symptoms, and it was only happening in the morning. Her face went pale when she thought back to when she'd last had her period. She plopped down in a sitting position on the bathroom floor. "Oh, God, not again," she whispered. But she knew her body, and she'd given birth to three children. As she continued to sit on the floor, she thought back to other subtle changes in her body that she'd ignored recently. Combined with the morning sickness, those signs were more than enough to tell her what was going on.

Ivy cleaned herself up, got dressed, and walked to a pharmacy a few blocks away. Back home in her bathroom, both of the pregnancy tests she bought turned positive. She sat on the floor again and allowed herself the luxury of a good cry, holding her head in her hands and letting out a miserable wail. Sam might not want her anymore, but it was hard to deny they had chemistry when she'd gotten pregnant each time they'd slept together without using protection. She leaned against the wall and blotted at her tears with a washcloth when they started to slow, but more came when a new realization hit her. On some level, she'd suspected or at least hoped she was pregnant for a while. That was why she hadn't taken the horse jumping. That was why she hadn't wanted alcohol lately.

Ivy placed her hands on her abdomen in a protective gesture. She wouldn't exactly be a young mother, but she would do everything in her power to safeguard this last symbol of her love with Sam. She looked up a reputable OB-GYN in the area and made an appointment. Days later, her visit confirmed what she already knew.

Oh Sam. What am I supposed to say to you? Ivy was in a bit of a daze as she found her car in the parking deck after her first OB-GYN appointment. In her heart, she already knew what she had to say. That didn't mean it would be easy. She didn't want to do anything else to hurt Sam or his family, but she remembered how she regretted keeping Ethan's paternity a secret. She needed to tell him. She just had to figure out how.

September 2001

Ivy put off telling Sam she was pregnant until after her twelve-week doctor's appointment. The OB-GYN, a woman with a soothing voice named Julia who looked to be near Ivy's age, examined Ivy thoroughly. Julia was silent for a long time as she rubbed the ultrasound wand over Ivy's pelvis. Ivy's divorce was final now, and she was going by her maiden name. If Julia recognized her, she didn't mention it, and Ivy was thankful for that.

"Everything looks great," Julia said finally. "The baby's developing right on target and looks healthy."

"That's good," a relieved Ivy sighed from her pillow. She hadn't realized how concerned she'd been about this until she arrived at the doctor's office and spent anxious moments in the waiting room.

"Would you like to know the sex of your baby?"

"Yes."

"You're having a girl,"

Ivy nodded and blinked away some tears. Now Sam and I will have a son and a daughter.

Julia took some notes on her computer, then she went over prenatal care instructions as Ivy sat on the examination table with her legs dangling over the side. Because of her age, her pregnancy was considered high risk or "geriatric" (Ivy narrowed her eyes at that term). She would need to come in more often for exams than younger expectant mothers and monitor her health closely in between visits. Julia cautioned her that moderate, regular exercise was good, but not to do anything too strenuous. There was the possibility she'd have to go on bed rest later in her pregnancy, depending on how it progressed.

They scheduled her next appointment, and Julia gave Ivy a picture of the sonogram. She held the sonogram picture in her hands and stared at the evidence of her love for Sam in black and white. Aside from the image itself, the time and date and the name of the medical practice were printed in white across the top. Data from the sonogram was on the right side. On the left side, it said:

Winthrop, Ivy Alexandra

DOB: 7/26/1954

12 weeks

Baby girl

She knew how to tell Sam now. Ivy looked up from the sonogram to Julia. "Can I have one more copy for the baby's father?" If Julia did recognize her, Ivy hoped she didn't think Julian was the dad-to-be.

"Sure." Julia printed another picture for her, and Ivy changed from her hospital gown back into her clothes and headed home. She'd given herself the day off work for the doctor's appointment. Her daughters were also supposed to get into town later in the day. The maid had been over to clean the house yesterday, and the cook had prepared some meals and left them in the fridge. Ivy had tried her own hand at cooking occasionally since moving to Boston and was improving her skills slowly. At least she hadn't burned anything lately. Back at home, she paced around the second floor. Guest bedrooms were ready for her girls, assuming they wanted to stay the night. Ivy stopped at an empty bedroom next door to her own. I'll have to start putting a room together for the baby soon. For now, she would focus on telling her loved ones about her pregnancy.

When it was getting close to time for her daughters to arrive, Ivy changed outfits and put on a loose blouse and comfortable pants. She was still able to fit in her usual clothes, but most of them were getting snug, and her belly was beginning to swell. The doorbell rang around three o'clock and Ivy pushed back her nerves and went to answer the door.

Her daughters were lovelier than she remembered. They were both in their early twenties. Cassandra, the older of the two, was taller than Ivy and slender, with long, dark brown hair that hung in loose curls. Katherine (Kat), her younger daughter, was shorter than Ivy and had the trim, muscular build of an athlete. Her hair was long too, though not as long as her sister's, and it was straight and medium brown. While the girls' blue eyes were similar to their mother's, they were a closer match to their paternal grandmother and Kat's namesake, Katherine's.

"Hi, darlings. It's good to see you." The girls seemed surprised when Ivy hugged them tightly, but they hugged her back. "Please come in. I'm so glad you could come to visit."

"Thank you for inviting us," Cassandra said.

"It's good to see you too, mother," said Kat. Ivy couldn't help wondering how much of this they meant, and how much came from etiquette that had been instilled in them since they were little girls.

Ivy showed them around the house and told them about her move to Boston. They updated her on what they were doing. They shared a house in Berkeley. Cassandra was working on her MBA at Stanford. Ivy knew she hoped Julian would ignore family tradition and give her control of Crane Industries one day since there was no male Crane heir. Kat was an undergraduate at Cal, and she was also on the gymnastics team there. She was studying biology and psychology and wanted to have a career helping professional athletes with their mental health issues. She was also considering going back to elite gymnastics in time to try out for the next Olympics. Both sisters had grown up taking gymnastics and dance lessons, but Cassandra's interest had shifted to baton twirling before she hit her teens. She'd had a very successful career nationally and internationally, but she was retired (at the old age of twenty-three), though she did give private lessons to promising students on the west coast.

When they finished catching up, they ate one of the meals the cook had prepared for dinner. Later, they sat on the living room couch and Ivy apologized for hiding Ethan's paternity from everyone. The girls acknowledged they were hurt and shocked, but said it was in the past; they would still love Ethan as their brother.

Ivy also apologized for not being present for her daughters as often as she should have been and for putting Ethan ahead of them. "I've been thinking a lot lately about how important it is to hold your loved ones close—all of them. I love both of you. I didn't value our relationship enough. I'm so sorry. I can't change the past or what kind of mother I've been, but can I promise you things will be different going forward if you'll give me another chance." It would take them longer to accept this apology, but they seemed willing to try.

One way she could show them how much they meant to her was to let them be the first to hear an important piece of news. "There's one more thing you need to know," Ivy said when their conversation slowed. She reached for her purse and pulled out the sonogram picture. "I don't know how to tell you, so I'll just say it. I'm pregnant." The girls stared at her with open mouths. She handed Cassandra the sonogram picture. "I haven't told anyone else yet. It's still early, but I thought you should know. I'm going to tell Ethan soon."

Cassandra and Kat looked at the picture in stunned silence, then at each other, then at Ivy. "Is it—she—father's?" Kat asked, wrinkling her nose.

"No. Sam Bennett's."

"Oh my God. Ethan's dad? You're back together?" Kat asked.

Cassandra poked Kat in the ribs with her elbow. "Obviously not. She moved to Boston by herself."

Ivy shook her head. "Cassandra's right. I thought we were . . . there was one night . . . and then he went back to his wife." It was still painful to talk about. Cassandra was sitting closest to Ivy on the couch and put a tentative hand on her mother's shoulder. Ivy cleared her throat and heard her voice get stronger. "Anyway, it's over between us. I'm going to tell him about the baby soon too. I don't want to make the same mistake I did when I kept the truth about Ethan from him."

The girls agreed to keep the news of Ivy's pregnancy to themselves until she had a chance to talk to Ethan and Sam. They chatted more, then Cassandra and Kat said they'd like to spend the night. Ivy showed them to their rooms and made sure they had whatever they needed to be comfortable. Her daughters seemed touched by her attempt to decorate their rooms in ways she thought they would like and pick out pajamas for them that suited their styles.

After they said goodnight, Ivy sat at the desk in her room and started to write a letter to Sam. She wrote and rewrote, trying to get everything perfect. Finally, she settled for something simple:

Sam, I promised myself no more secrets between us. I see now that I made a huge mistake when I didn't tell you Ethan was our son. That's why I have to be up front with you now, even though I doubt you want to hear from me. We created something more than the memory of one last, amazing night together when we were at the police station a few months ago. This time it's a girl. I understand if you don't want me in your life, but I hope you'll be a part of our child's. –Ivy

The next morning, Ivy hugged her daughters goodbye and told them they were welcome to visit her anytime. She promised to fly out to see them in California, but that would have to wait until after the baby was born. As she watched their car pull away, she smiled to herself, glad they were on better terms now.

Back in her house, Ivy turned her attention to her letter to Sam. She sealed the letter and sonogram picture in an envelope. She knew she should go to Harmony to see him in person. At the same time, she worried he'd tell her off for trying to speak to him after she'd promised to leave him alone; or he might reject their child if she had enough time to tell him the truth. Maybe it would be best to have the messenger who delivered Eve's envelope take this one to Sam. After going back and forth about it, she decided seeing him in person was a risk she had to take. Wanting to get it over with as soon as she could, Ivy put the envelope in her purse and went to her car.

A phone call to the police station when she was almost in town told her he'd just gotten off work. Ivy stepped on the gas and prayed Sam wouldn't be going home right away. Had she thought this plan through? Months ago, she would have reveled in the opportunity to knock on the Bennetts' door and tell Grace she was having Sam's baby. Now, the idea made her wonder if her morning sickness was returning.

Fortunately, she caught sight of his police cruiser in the beach parking lot, so she swung in the lot and parked a few spots down from him. It wasn't too hard to find him once she reached the sand and slid off her shoes. He was sitting on a small sand dune, staring out at the ocean. Her legs got weaker the closer she got to him, to the point where she had to intentionally will each step forward. She couldn't count the times she'd dreamed of going to him and telling him she was pregnant with their child, but it never happened this way in her imagination. When she fantasized about what it would be like, they were always happy and in a relationship.

"Hi, Sam." He didn't react when she spoke, so she took a deep breath and talked louder to make herself heard over the wind and water. "Hi, Sam."

He turned around quickly at the sound of her voice. Her heart squeezed painfully when their eyes met. All she wanted to do was to run into his arms and feel him hold her again, but she knew that was out of the question. Judging by the expression on his face, it hurt him just as much to see her for the first time since their night together. Then the guarded look he usually wore around her slammed over his face. "What are you doing here?" he demanded.

"I need to talk to you."

"I'm done talking to you," he said, turning away from her.

"Please, I—"

He stood up and let out a frustrated sigh. "How many times do I have to tell you to stay away from me before it finally sinks in?"

Ivy's hands squeezed around her purse strap. "I know you don't want to see me, but—"

"You're right," he said, cutting her off again. "I don't want to see you. Ever."

She resisted the urge to grab his shoulders and make him listen to her. "It's important."

He took a small step towards her and his eyes narrowed. "I'm warning you, Ivy. Leave me alone. I've told you over and over we're done."

"This isn't about our relationship." He used to be so good at knowing what she was feeling just by the tone of her voice. She wished he'd pay attention to it now.

"I don't care! And we don't have a relationship."

"If you'd just hear what I have to say."

"No." He was glaring down at her. "Get away from me or I swear I'll go to the station right now and take out a restraining order."

"I'm trying to tell you—"

"I don't want you in my life. How can I get that through your head?"

His words and the harshness of his voice felt like a slap on the face. "If you'll give me a chance to—"

He took another step closer and, for the first time ever, she started to wonder if he was capable of physically hurting her. "Go now or so help me God . . ."

"Fine. But at least look at this." She shoved the envelope against his chest with shaking hands, turned on her heel, and took off across the sand as fast as she could without running. She didn't bother to stop and put her shoes back on when she reached the parking lot. The cement scratched the soft soles of her feet, but she didn't care. Ivy got in her car, threw her shoes and purse on the passenger seat, and pulled out of her parking spot with a chirp of tires. She thought she caught a glimpse of someone walking up the boardwalk from the beach when she turned out of the lot, but she didn't let her eyes linger long enough to see if it was Sam.

Back at home, she got sick in the toilet once, but she chalked it up to her nerves finally getting the best of her instead of pregnancy symptoms. At least she knew she'd done the right thing this time. All she could do now was hope for the best.