"Where did you go yesterday?"
Penelope looked up from her computer screen to see Aaron standing in the doorway of her office, and she beckoned him inside before pushing away from her monitors and going to the couch in her office and taking a seat. Within moments, he was at her side, and she gave him a little smile as she reached out and took hold of his hand. "I had to get away from the hospital, and decided that I wasn't fit company for anyone."
He made a low sound of displeasure beneath his breath, and Penelope wondered if he knew the truth about her whereabouts, and had just been asking to see if she would tell him the truth. "Dave mentioned that you didn't answer his calls."
"I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to be alone with my sorrow. Though I was hoping that my partner would have reached out to see if I was okay, rather than his best friend."
Aaron had the grace to look at least a little mollified by her words, and he nodded. "There were things that I needed to work out with the Director and then had to notify Emily's mother. She's away at the moment, so she's allowed JJ and I to make the funeral arrangements for Emily. Did you want to help JJ out with that?"
Those words struck her heart, and she paused to think about what that might entail. "I, I don't know if I could do something like that. I flaked out when my parents were killed, and I just…"
Penelope felt her throat close up with unshed tears, but she refused to look away from her partner, hoping that he would understand her reticence to be so heavily involved in the planning of an event like that. "I understand, but I also hope that you won't mind having JJ over at the house this evening."
"I hadn't planned on coming over tonight, Aaron."
He frowned a little, and Penelope held in the sigh that threatened to spill from her lips as she waited for him to ask the question that was in his eyes. "You don't see JJ as often as you like now, and you're turning down the opportunity to see her in a little while? I don't understand."
"I suppose that I could come over for supper, yes. But when you start to talk about the funeral, I'll be heading home. I'm sorry, Aaron, I just have to protect my heart. I love you, but sometimes you just don't understand the way I think."
He nodded as he reached out and caressed her cheek. "I suppose that even a few hours with you will be better than nothing. Can we at least spend tomorrow evening together?"
"Yes. I just don't want to be surrounded by death on all sides. Please, tell me you understand that. I'm not like you, I don't understand how people can be so awful towards each other, and I hate my friends getting hurt. This is my worst nightmare come to life, and I just want to not think about reality for one more day. Please."
Aaron slid his hand down to her shoulder, squeezing softly before pulling her upwards so that he could hold her tightly. There was something soothing about the scent of his aftershave, and that caused her breathing to hitch in her throat as she struggled to keep from crying. "I wish that I could protect you from all the evils in the world, but I'm only one person, and we hunt monsters for a living."
"I know that, Aaron. I know that monsters have touched us all and that I'm being selfish right now by acting like this." She took a deep breath before pulling away from him to look up into his face once more. There was a guilty look there, something that unsettled her for some reason, and she licked her lips before leaning up on her toes and giving him a soft kiss. "You need to get back to work, and so do I. I'm assuming that we'll be grounded until after the funeral?"
"Yes, the Director thought that it would be best if we weren't in the field right now."
"That's a small blessing. I'll meet you at the house around six this evening?"
"All right, I'll see you then." He leaned down and kissed her once more before letting go of her and heading out of her office. Penelope found herself more discombobulated than ever, and wondered if Erin would be able to help her sort out her emotions, since she hadn't felt truly able to open up to her partner when they both needed each other most.
Turning back to her computer, she tried to concentrate enough to finish up the searches for the Red Cell team, but found that Aaron's visit had so thoroughly distracted her that she couldn't find any focus. Hoping that they wouldn't mind a longer wait, she pushed away from the desk and stuck her headset on her ear before leaving her office and making her way to the hall, hoping to find some alone time in JJ's old office. There shouldn't be anyone in there, since Penelope had never turned in the keys, and she slipped behind the door before locking it behind her.
The silence of the room was exactly what she needed in that moment, and she let out the sigh that she had been holding inside since Aaron had come to see her, finally feeling in the place where she could be okay with her emotions and not have anyone comment on her reactions. She went over to the chair behind the desk and sank into it, leaning backwards as she rested her feet on the empty desk. "I wish that everyone would understand me like Erin does. She doesn't push me to be okay with Emily's death, she doesn't expect me to just be ready to move on, and she was willing to listen to me without asking for explanations. How can a friend get me more than my partner who loves me?"
Swiping furiously at her cheeks, Penelope cleared away the tears that had started to fall before she closed her eyes and thought about the last time she had spoken with Emily. They had not parted on the best of terms, as she had mentioned that she was going to spend an afternoon with Erin and her children, and Emily had tried to convince her that that was a horrid idea. She wished that her other friends could understand why she was close with Erin, but it seemed like there would never be the sort of reconciliation that she desired. Not that that would deter her from including Erin in her life, because she truly did respect the woman and the friendship that they had created. As she continued to think about her various friendships, the quiet of the room sunk deep into her skin and she allowed herself to be lulled into a dreamless sleep.
She woke up to the sensation of being watched, which was unnerving, since she knew that very few people had keys to this office, namely her and JJ, and JJ was gone from the BAU, so she wouldn't be the one staring. Slowly, Penelope opened her eyes, taking stock of the fact that the only light in the room came from the lamp on the desk, as if whoever else was in there didn't want them to be noticed, either. Lifting her head a little, Penelope found herself looking into Erin's bemused face, and she shrugged as she sat up and shook out her shoulders, trying to ease the tension there.
"Aaron called me twenty minutes ago to see if you were with me. He sounded quite put out when I told him no, and almost called me a liar. No one knew where you were, so I decided to do a little profiling of my own and found you here. Before you ask, as your Section Chief, I have a key to every room on this floor, so that I can access it if necessary. Now, you were supposed to be at Aaron's nearly an hour ago, and he told me to tell you, if I found you, that he and Agent Jareau had decided to switch around planning and the meal, so that you can still eat together when you arrive."
Penelope let out a relieved sigh as she got to her feet. "That takes a huge weight off my shoulders. How long were you watching me?"
"Only about fifteen minutes. You looked so peaceful that I didn't want to disturb you."
She gave Erin a small smile as she nodded. "I haven't been sleeping well since Emily died, but something about this office changed that in me. Thanks for thinking of me," she said softly as she came over to her friend's side and wrapped her arms around her shoulders, resting her cheek on top of Erin's head so that she couldn't see her face when she spoke next. "I wish that everyone knew you like I know you, because then I might not get such flack over being your friend. Though nothing they could ever say to me would make me abandon you. Not when I love you." Giving Erin's shoulders a little squeeze, Penelope let go of her and straightened her posture as she left JJ's office and made for the elevators, intent on heading over to Aaron's and asking his forgiveness in losing track of time and forgetting about their meal.