Penelope struggled to get control of her breathing as she climbed the three steps that led to the porch of Erin's rehab facility. She hadn't expected traffic to be so bad that afternoon, not after it had been so great the previous day, and it was half past five when she had finally arrived. Taking another deep breath, she let herself in and smiled at Carson, who was once more behind the front desk.
"Two days in a row, Penelope?"
"I have the time this week to see her more, so I thought I'd utilize it. How are you doing?"
"It's been a good day, so I can't complain. And I believe that she's up in her room, so you can head there first before deciding where to hang out."
"Thank you for reminding me of the rules, Carson. I'll see you on my way out," she replied as she signed in on the log book and then made her way over to the stairs, heading up to the second floor and down the corridor that led to Erin's room. Reaching out, she knocked hesitantly, not wanting to disturb her personal space. As she listened, Penelope could hear footsteps come closer to the door, and then Erin was opening it, a soft smile on her lips.
"I wasn't expecting you so early, so I'm not quite ready. I was going to change before I met you in the tea room."
Penelope looked at what Erin was wearing, and couldn't stop the quick blush that sprang to her cheeks to see that she was wearing one of the casual dresses that she had packed. It was lower cut than anything Penelope had seen her in previously, and though she tried to be polite, she found herself staring at Erin's cleavage. "You, you look fine the way you are," she stammered out, finally looking back up at Erin, who was now wearing a slight smirk on her lips. "Please, save me from my embarrassment?"
"You're fine, Penny. They're just breasts, and you have yours on display so very often."
The pragmatic words deepened her blush as Erin stepped out into the hall and took hold of her hand, guiding her down to the tea room. "But you always appear so prim and proper, Erin. I know that it's just breasts, but they're also your breasts. I didn't mean to objectify you?"
Erin chuckled as they took a seat on a loveseat in the corner of the room. "It's nice to know that I can still elicit those glances." To her surprise, Erin gave her a conspiratorial wink, and she smiled at her as she relaxed against the back of the loveseat. "You look like you're in a better mood than you were last night. That's a good thing, yes?"
She nodded as she reached out for Erin's hand once more, holding on tightly as she tried to think about how to reply without telling her too much about what she and Derek were doing. "I was helping Derek get things prepared in his office. He expedited some things, since time is of the essence."
Erin nodded, squeezing her hand a few times before she replied. "I'm glad that things are coming together quickly. And did Aaron make it safely to Texas?"
She shrugged, looking away from Erin to stare at the far wall. "I suppose that he did. I got a text when he landed, telling me he'd call tonight, but that was it. I guess I was expecting a little more? Or maybe my feelings are still bruised from last night?"
Erin nodded slowly as she started to rub her thumb back and forth over Penelope's hand. "I would think that it might be a combination of both, Penny. I mean, the fact that you reached out to me after sex means that you were very hurt and needed someone to soothe you."
"Maybe," she murmured, feeling herself edge closer and closer to tears. "Love shouldn't make someone hurt like this, should it?"
"No, it should not. But what are you going to do about it?"
Penelope shifted closer to Erin, resting her head on the woman's shoulder. "I don't know. I love him. He made me so happy in the beginning, and I was able to make him happy. Now? Everything feels rote and perfunctory. Can I be honest with you?"
"Of course. I've trusted you with all of this. How could I not allow you to be honest with me?"
She let out a soft breath as she closed her eyes, focusing on Erin's breathing as she gathered her words. "I can't help but wonder if this is what Haley felt when it came to Aaron and the job. If she felt this dull ache that comes when I'm not in his focus. And I feel like that makes me so selfish, because I knew he was so focused on the job when I got into this relationship with him, so I have no right to want more than he's giving me."
Erin made a soft sympathetic sound as she released Penelope's hand and slung her arm around her shoulders, holding her close as she started to run her fingers through her hair. "And have you thought about bringing these concerns to him?"
"No, because I don't know how to talk to him about it. Which sounds so stupid, because I can so easily talk to you about this. You're not my partner, you're my friend."
"Sometimes it's easier to talk to our friends about these things, because we're outside observers, and so can't judge you too harshly. Not that I would judge you for these feelings, since they're completely normal. But I think that you don't feel normal right now, do you?"
"No," she whispered brokenly, finally starting to cry. "God, I didn't want to unload on you so much, since you're here to heal and recover."
"And you're allowing me to use some of what I'm learning to help heal you. I love you, Penny, and being able to help you makes me happy. Okay?"
She nodded as she cuddled even closer to Erin, her head sliding down to rest on her chest as she silently cried. It was so nice to have Erin comfort her like this, and she allowed herself to relax against her as she stared at a spot on the floor. "I don't know what this is going to do to Jack. If we break up, I leave him behind, too. And what will that do to his development? He lost his mother, and then I'll be walking out on him."
"We all have to think about that, Penelope. I'll be honest with you, I wasn't certain that I wanted you to grow close to my children, in the beginning. Not because I thought you were a bad person, but because I wasn't certain that we could sustain our friendship, and I didn't want my children to ask about you and why we weren't friends any longer. I didn't want them to hurt, or to make the hurt in me worse. Those fears have lessened because you have proven yourself a faithful friend, who looked at my scars and thought they were a sign of strength."
"Oh," she breathed out, wondering at the trust Erin was placing in her by admitting that to her. Drying her tears, she sat back up, turning her body so that she could look into the woman's face. "I want to make things work with Aaron, because I do love him. How can I do that without losing myself?"
"By carving out time for yourself. Make certain that you are doing the things that make you happy, even if Aaron might not understand that. You can't become a perfect little reflection of what makes him happiest. If he loves you, he'll understand. I know how he loved Haley, but he couldn't move past the job, even when I gave him a way to do something different. I dearly hope that you can show him how to have a better work life balance."
Penelope nodded before leaning in and resting her forehead against Erin's as she took a deep breath. "I'll try. For you."
"Good girl." Even though Erin had said that in a sweet way, Penelope still shivered a little as her brain instinctively reacted to that praise. As she watched, Erin's pupils dilated, and she licked her lips lightly as the older woman's breath washed out over her face. "Penny?"
"Erin," she murmured in response as she fought to keep from closing the distance between them and kissing her softly. It would be a thoroughly inappropriate, but a small part of her still wanted the comfort of Erin's lips against hers. "I am so glad that you've allowed me into your life. Can I be thoroughly boring and take a nap against you, until visiting hours are over? I didn't sleep well, for obvious reasons, and think that I could catch up on some rest here."
"Of course, darling." Erin smiled before turning her head slightly, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek before gently pushing her head down onto her chest once more, humming lowly as she stroked Penelope's hair, lulling her into a quick, deep, sleep.