A/N: Do you ever have one of those nights where you can't sleep? That's where this story has come from. AU Captain Swan based on some of my personal life events, the song Trying not to love you by Nickelback, and the fan made AU video on YouTube to this song by AMatterOfPreception (go check it out, it's brilliant). In this story Liam and Killian are brothers, but Ruby is their sister. Emma, Elsa, Anna and Neal (Charming Neal, not Baelfire) are all siblings. WARNING: talk of abuse. I do not own OUAT, or their characters but the story is all my own. - BS

'And our time apart, like knives in my heart

How could anyone ask for more?

But if there's a pill to help me forget,

God knows I haven't found it yet

But I'm dying to, God I'm trying to...

Chapter 1- Regret

They had known each other most of their lives, being from the same town in Maine. Twelve years of friendship. His sister was her best friend and he was a big brother to her. When he went off to join the Navy, they had lost contact for 6 years. When he was wrongfully sent to prison, he found her again through a mutual friend. Once she found him again, she made sure to see him every weekend whether she had the money or not. Hours were spent talking, playing games, and enjoying each other's company. He got her name tattooed on his thigh above his knee and asked her to be his wife when the time was right. When He got out, she relocated from Maine to Boston, so she could be closer to him, her happily ever after now within her grasp. She was so wrong. The last fight that they had brought her world crashing down around her. She hadn't focused much on herself, and she knew it. She wanted to make sure his needs were met. He thought she needed to focus on herself and put herself first. What he never understood was she was horrible at that, and never was able to. It was him, and it had always been him. She begged him to stay, and he walked away telling her that this break up was only supposed to be temporary. He left her, leaving her to wonder why She was never enough.

That was 4 years ago, and all Emma could think of as She drove into Storybrooke, Maine. She had been married to Walsh Oz all of 6 months and he started to turn abusive. After talking to her parents, and her best friend she knew she needed to get out. 27 and a pending divorce is not how she pictured her life turning out, this isn't how marriage was supposed to be. Walsh was asleep when she left and probably didn't even know she was gone yet. After he hit her again over dinner, Emma called her father, packed her car and hadn't looked back. It was late as Emma had stuffed as much as she could in her car before She ran.

David and Mary Margaret Nolan had lived in Storybrooke for the past 30 years. David was the town sheriff, and Mary Margaret was a teacher at the elementary school. Emma was the second oldest of 4 kids. Elsa, who was 29, lived in town working as a nurse. Emma was the second oldest at 27. Anna was next at 17, lastly and the only boy was Neal at 15 years old. Emma had a good relationship with all her siblings, but Neal and she had a very special bond being 12 years apart in age. She turned up the driveway of her parent's estate in her beat-up bug she had owned since high school. Putting her car in park, She grabbed her overnight bag, resolving to grab the rest of her stuff in the morning. As she shut the door of her car, she saw a body move in the shadows. Looking closely, she saw a chiseled jaw, blonde hair with greying at the temples, and warm blue eyes. It was David, her father.

"Hey Pumpkin." David said with a smile, "Need a hand?"

Emma threw herself into her father's arms, clinging to him tightly, sobs wrecking her shoulders.

"Shh. Its ok Em." David cradled her head as he hugged her tightly. "You're home now, You're safe. Let me take a look at you, ok?".

Emma took a step back and nodded. David took her face in his hands and tilted her face left and right. A bruise that was purple and yellow was forming around Emma's left eye and her lip was split. David clenched his jaw as anger flashed behind his eyes.

"Come on Kid." He put his arm around her, "You need some sleep." Emma nodded, following her father inside.

"Is everyone else asleep?" Emma whispered as they entered the house.

"Yup. Anna and Neal have school in the morning.".

"What time?".

"Early. And you need sleep." David scolded softly, "there will be plenty of time to see them tomorrow. Your room is waiting for you."

Emma nodded and kissed her father on her cheek. She descended the stairs to her room and crawled into bed, feeling more at home than she had in years. She stared at the ceiling now that she was home, and he thoughts drifted to him, as they normally did... More so lately than they had before. Black hair, crystal blue eyes, and a smile that warm her soul. She missed him, more than she wanted to admit. She should have gone after him, fought harder to fix herself and made him stay. Ever since she was with Walsh, she felt like more and more like a little lost girl that nobody wanted. She drifted to sleep with blue eyes and dark hair holding her hand as they ice skated around a lake.

After making sure Emma was safely in her room. David made his was to his room on the main level of the house. As he kicked off his slippers and went to crawl into bed, He heard Mary Margaret stir.

"David?" She whispered sleepily.

"Go back to sleep my dear. It's very late."

"How is she?"

David took a deep breath, "Not great. She is in pretty rough shape, so don't be startled when you see her in the morning."

"I'm going to kill that bastard."

"Not before I do. Let's get to sleep, dear. We can talk to her about it tomorrow."

Killian was sitting in The Rabbit hole, knocking back his 3rd rum on the rocks, as his mind drifted to her, as it always did. Blonde hair, emeralds for eyes and a smile that could light up a 10-block radius. For the past four years he had regretted walking away, for giving up. The break up was only supposed to be temporary until she had learned to love herself, but he had never told her that. He never told her that she was still the one he wanted to share his life with. When he had found out about her marriage, it nearly destroyed him. So, what did he do? Did the stupid thing and asked his controlling, bitch of a girlfriend to marry him. She wanted to be her only focus and that was it. Milah wanted to be his only focus, and that was it. She didn't let him see his family unless it suited her, and it rarely ever did.

Killian had two siblings, and their grandparents since their parents died in an accident 10 years ago. Liam is the oldest at 30, Killian 28 and Ruby 27. Marco and Mabel were their grandparents and their only surviving family. Mabel went by Granny and Granny only. If you called her otherwise, she may kill you.

Milah didn't get along with Granny, as Granny walled her out a lot of times on how She treated Killian. Milah controlled when Killian got to see his family and he just accepted it. With Emma married and no way for him to get her back, then why not? Beat being alone didn't it? Working at the docks paid decently well and he had his motorcycle crew with August, Robin, Jefferson and Will. He was content, but not happy, not nearly as happy as he was with Emma and he knew it. But he made his choice, and this was his life now.

"Rob," Killian called out to Robin, who was tending the bar that evening, "Can I get one more?"

"You sure mate?" Robin asked, "It's getting kind of late."

"Aye, I'm sure."

Robin poured him one more glass of rum on the rocks and shook his head, "You ok? You seem more pensive than normal."

"Bloody wonderful." Killian knocked back the drink and left a 20 on the counter, "I'll see you tomorrow for poker."

"Aye Mate be safe." Robin bit his lip, but knew he had to say something, "Killian?"

Killian stopped at the door and looked back at his friend.

"Regina says she's not as happy as she is trying to portray. There's still hope."

Killian gave his friend a tight-lipped smile and headed out the door. On his walk home, his mind ran rampant with thoughts. Was Regina, right? Was Emma not happy? If anyone would know besides Ruby, it would be Regina considering the two had been close since high school. Even if she wasn't, who was he to think he deserved another chance with her? He is the one that made his choice, he is the one that walked away from her.

She deserved better and he deserved his regret.

Emma woke up to a coffee maker grinding above her head, bringing a smile to her face. One of the best things about being home is that he father made fresh coffee, and breakfast was never cold. She stretched and swung her feet over the side of her bed, dragging her aching body to the bathroom. As She looked in the mirror her eye was swollen, but a little less yellow around the edges and her lip was a little puffy, but not bad. She splashed water on her face, grabbed her phone and headed upstairs. As she turned to go to the kitchen, she saw both her mother and her father talking quietly over coffee, not noticing she had entered the room.

"Good morning." Emma announced, walking through the kitchen.

"Emma!" Mary Margaret sprung up from her seat, and running to her daughter, pulling her into her arms.

"Hi mom." a muffled voice sounded from behind Mary Margaret's shoulder. "You're squishing me."

"Tough." Mary Margaret released Emma and took her chin in her hand and turned her face left and right, surveying the damage that Walsh inflicted.

"Mom, I'm fine." Emma groaned.

"The hell you are! I am going to kill that son of a bitch!"

"Mama," Emma grasped her mother's hands. "It's ok, I'm home and that's all that matters to me right now."

"That's right," David interjected, "He won't be stupid enough to show up here."

"Wanna bet?" Emma grunted. Her demeanor changed immediately when David handed her a much of coffee. "Thank you, dad."

Emma sat down with her parents and they filled her in on her siblings' lives, what was new around the town, and Emma checked her phone. It had been blown up by Walsh, Ruby, and Regina. Walsh had left her two voicemails, ten text messages, and called her 25 times. Emma looked at the text from Regina first.

Regina: Where are you? Walsh has called me looking for you

Regina: Emma Rose Nolan so help me! Answer your phone!

Regina: I am going to assume you are back home safe, since you would not worry me on purpose you ass!

Emma smiled and shook her head, Regina could be so dramatic sometimes. She opened the next set of text messages from Ruby.

Ruby: Em! Where are you? Walsh has called me looking for you

Ruby: So, help me woman I will activate the GPS on your cell phone!

Ruby: EMMA ROSE! ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE.

Ruby: Your dead, Your dead! I will be planning your funeral now!

Scratch that, Ruby was dramatic. Emma tried really hard not to laugh out loud, since her mother was talking, and She didn't want to be rude. Now the moment of truth,

Walsh: Where are you

Walsh: Please come home, I'm sorry let's talk about this

Walsh: Baby! Please answer your phone! I'm sorry!

Walsh: Emma! God Damn it answer me! I'm sorry

Walsh: Why won't you answer me? I'm sorry but you made me do it!

Walsh: Emma so help me, Answer the fucking phone!

Walsh: EMMA! This is your fucking fault. If you had just done what I told you to do then we wouldn't be in this situation. You need to come home

Walsh: You need to come home and act like a wife, enough with this fucking temper tantrum.

Walsh: Emma you are my wife and I will treat you as I see fit. Stop fucking whoever you are fucking and come home!

Walsh: Emma, you need to call me. I hope you are safe. I love you, you need to come home and be my wife. We need to figure this out.

By the time Emma finished reading the texts, her hands were shaking, and tears burned her eyes. She hadn't even noticed her parents had stopped talking, noticing her change in demeanor as she stared at her phone screen. David took his daughter's hand,

"Emma." David said quietly. "Let me see your phone."

Emma handed her phone to David, and he read the messages, anger flashing across his face again. He took a deep breath, trying his best to stay calm.

"Em, do you want to change your number?" Emma shook her head yes. "Ok, are you ready to file for divorce? Because I have a feeling this is going to get very ugly." Emma nodded yes slowly.

"Dad, I don't feel safe at home. It's not even my home, it's his home." Emma whispered as a stray tear fell down her cheek. "I don't want to go back."

"That settles it then." David proclaimed. "We will get your number changed, go to the courthouse and then we can figure out the rest from there. But first, I think we should go have breakfast at Granny's so Ruby doesn't have a heart attack, don't you?"

Emma laughed out a sob, "Yeah. You're probably right."

"I didn't feel like cooking anyways." David winked at his daughter, and the family rose from the table and headed to get ready for the day.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Milah screamed and threw a pillow at Killian.

Bloody wonderful, He thought. Maybe if I hold completely still she won't know I'm a wake.

"How fucking dare you sleep on the couch?! You got so drunk you couldn't even come to bed?! I am your fiancé! You should be more concerned with me!"

Oh, my buggering… Fuck! Killian thought Just go to fucking work.

"I am going to work now, but we WILL talk about this tonight. I love you and remember how lucky you are to have me." Milah sneered. Without another word he heard the door slam.

Groaning, Killian rolled over on the couch, and threw his arm over his eyes. Just another day in paradise. He rolled off the couch and looked in the mirror. His hair was all over, and his eyes sported dark circles. After the morning he had, Killian decided it was a good morning to go see Ruby and see if She could talk some sense into him.