Chapter 5 – Unravel

Riley rushed into the apartment and avoided trying to make eye contact. She needed to collapse into her bed, and let out all that she was holding in. Her frustration, sadness, fears, the years of feelings that bubbled in her throat. She couldn't believe that Zay knew all of this, and not once tried to share it with her.

When she reached her old bedroom, she saw the tiny frame of her daughter asleep at the bay window. Her faint breathing was the only sound in the room and Riley bit back the sobs. As long as she been a mother, she never let Isabella see her cry, it was always in secret. In the bathroom with the sink running, muffled into her pillow deep in the night, or even a quick cry on the balcony during the rain.

"Riles."

Riley turned to see Zay standing behind her with a strained smile on his face.

"No Zay! We don't keep secrets from each other, and this was something you didn't share with me. How could you not tell me about Maya and Farkle? How could you not tell me there was no longer a Smackle! You are the link." Riley scolded as she quietly closed the door behind her.

"Riley what they do in their private life is none of our business." Zay retorted.

"I get that but Zay, you couldn't give me a warning!"

"And say what oh yeah Markle is a thing! How could I bring them up without bringing him up?" Zay snapped and Riley bit her lip.

It was the same argument, it was the thing that brought the tension into their lives. Lucas. He was talking about Lucas, but he was like Voldemort in their lives. They never agreed on what to do about Lucas. Riley knew it was partly jealousy on Zay's part, another aspect they avoided. Lucas would always have a piece of Riley that Zay could never reach, and it didn't help that an aspect of that piece was Isabella.

"I am not a teenager anymore Zay, and we don't lie to each other … not us," Riley said and Zay looked down at his feet.

"I am sorry … I really am Riley, it's just I know how you get when Lucas is mentioned, and I wanted to avoid disappointing you, I care way too much about us to let Lucas get in the way of that," Zay said and Riley sucked in air.

Just hearing his name had sent her in a mode of nerves and she tried her best to hide it from Zay.

"I don't want to talk about him, Riley what happened back there?" Zay asked and he took a step towards her.

She turned her head to the side and tried to decipher what had happened back at the hospital. She wanted to kiss him, she knew he wanted to kiss her back. They had always these moments where the tension was there but both were terrified to make a move. The past few months these moments had gotten more frequent.

"I don't know," Riley confessed.

"Riley, I need to know," Zay begged.

"Know what?" Riley asked.

"Do you feel what I feel? Do you love me because Riley I am in love with you," Zay confessed and Riley bit her lip.

She could taste the blood on her lip and she released her lip.

"Or are you feeling this way because you saw him?" Zay asked.

"I love you, Zay," Riley confessed and Zay's face lit up.

"However I am not sure if I am in love with you," Riley continued and Zay's face crumpled in pain.

"Mommy?"

"Izzy," Riley said as she turned away from Zay.

The two were deep in their conversation that they hadn't heard the little girl get from her bed. Isabella stood in the doorway, in her hand, she clutched a suede baby pink blanket and rubbed her tired green eyes.

"Mommy I want lunch," Isabella complained and jutted out her bottom lip.

Riley could feel Zay next to her let out a choked breath and walk past her to Isabella. He scooped the little girl into his arms and carried her out the room. Riley looked down at her feet and sighed in disappointment. She knew she had no right to be angry with his reaction but she couldn't help feeling that he was being a bit selfish. She tried, she is trying, or at least she thought she was.

She followed after the two and heard Isabella laughing as Zay flew her around like she was an airplane. Zay was there for both of them that no one else was. He stayed up late with Riley caring for a sick Isabella or helping her study for her exams until three in the morning. So why couldn't she love him in the way he wanted.

"Mommy! Tell Uncle Zay stop!" Isabella laughed as Zay shook her like a soda bottle.

"But you look like you're having so much fun," Riley teased as Zay began to tickle the small girl.

Riley walked over to the counter and placed her hands on the tiled island. Zay didn't look at her, instead, he stared at Isabella as she laughed.

"Uncle Zay! Please stop," Isabella cried in between her laughs.

Moments like these that the three shared, were special to Riley, ones that no one else could interrupt. She had them tucked away in her mind and recalled on them when she felt like she made mistakes. Zay was always there, no matter what, why couldn't she love him the way he loved her. She kept the question wrapped in her brain when she heard a slam.

Her eyes went straight to Zay as Isabella gasped. Riley relaxed when she saw Isabella was fine, and the slam came behind her. She turned to see Cory and Topanga in a hushed conversation but trail off at Riley's gaze.

"Your father told me about Maya, oh sweetie I am so sorry," Topanga said as she walked over to Riley.

Riley was upset about the Maya situation but not surprised at her reaction. The two had been closer than any other twosomes in the group and Riley disappeared. She had always thought Maya would be the one to find out about Isabella, and that they could run away together. It was funny how life worked out.

"It's fine honestly, she has a right to act that way," Riley mumbled as she pulled away from her mother.

"I'll start making lunch you three must be hungry right, especially my little ladybug," Topanga said and tickled Isabella on the stomach.

She was changing the subject so the awkward tension would disappear but Riley knew better. Zay pulled Isabella from the island and directed her towards the couch.

"How're classes?" Cory asked and patted Zay's shoulders.

"We graduate in a few months, which I am even surprised we are able to, our schedule is so mismatched," Zay said as Riley smirked.

The two managed to get into Penbrooke and have alternating schedules. While Zay went to class in the day and worked on the weekends it allowed Riley to take night and online classes. She managed to get a freelancing gig and together they somehow made it work. They both knew once Isabella was officially in Kindergarten the two can get normal schedules once more.

"Do you guys need money?" Topanga asked from the stove.

"No," Riley said curtly and Topanga backed off.

The pride that Riley held when it came to being a mom was more powerful than anyone could imagine. They knew Riley would starve for days as long as Isabella was alright.

"Riles we're here to help," Cory butted in.

Zay looked at his feet and knew that although they didn't need the money, it would have helped a bit. Instead, he walked over to Isabella when the front door flew open. Riley rushed over to stand in front of Isabella when she noticed a tall Ava Morgenstern sashay into the room.

"It's Ava yall," She announced and closed the door behind her.

"Riley!" She shouted and Riley held out her arms for the lanky girl to hug her.

"We should lock that," Topanga said with a pointed spoon.

"To hide this squirt," Ava joked and she poked Isabella on the nose.

"To keep you out," Cory joked as Ava rolled her eyes.

Riley was glad to see another face that accepted her and understood why she had to hide Isabella. Ava had grown into a beautiful young lady and realized that her brother and Ava were officially teenagers. Zay laughed and Ava sent him a glare which led Isabella to giggle. Ava lunged playfully and Isabella who leaped from the couch. Zay chased after the hyper toddler out of the room.

"Eighth grade right?" Riley asked as she pulled Ava into a side hug.

"Yep with Auggie, Doy and Raffi, being the only girl in the group are killing my vibe," Ava complained and picked at some cheese on the table.

"Enjoy it and don't grow up too fast," Riley as Cory snorted a laugh.

Riley felt at peace for that one moment and realized that the people around her were all she needed. She didn't have to think about Maya, or Farkle or even him. Riley was brought out of her thoughts when she heard a knock on the front door. The door slowly opened and Riley's heart dropped to her stomach.

The floppy brown hair poked through the doorway and Riley's eyes widened. She tried to push past Ava when Farkle completely walked into the room.

"I wanted to apologize about Maya," Farkle said and Riley trembled as he walked in. Her eyes constantly watching the potential toddler running into the room and announcing herself. Topanga took notice of the uncomfortableness and excused herself from the room. Riley knew it was to get Isabella but it was too late.

"Mommy! Tell Uncle Zay stop"

Isabella laughed as she ran past Topanga and ducked Zay's outreach arms. Riley tried to grab Isabella but it was too late as the little girl giggled. She stopped when she noticed Farkle and clutched onto Riley's leg. Farkle's mouth gaped open and Riley knew that he knew. She may have had the chocolate curls of Riley, and the goofy grin but those damn emerald eyes screamed Friar.