A/N: Thank you for all the love 3 I apperciate it so much
Riley woke up, as she barely remembered the aftermath of the events of last night. Isabella was still fast asleep next to her and Riley tried her best not to wake the small toddler. After Farkle brought her upstairs both of her parents hugged her tightly, and she escaped to her room. She leaned over and kissed Isabella and got out of bed. One glance in the mirror and Riley quietly went to the kitchen. Maya had woken up and was with Farkle at the island in a hushed conversation.
"Good Morning," Riley announced as Maya guiltily pulled her hands away from Farkle.
Farkle tried his best to not make a face and smiled at Riley.
"I ordered food for your family," Farkle said as Riley looked at the table with bags of food and gift baskets.
"Coffee but thank you" Riley mumbled and went to the coffee pot and poured herself a mug.
She tried to ignore the tension and it worsened when Zay walked into the kitchen fully dressed. He too could feel the tension and walk over to the refrigerator.
"What's going on?" Riley asked and wondered if Farkle spilled Riley's confession.
"I'm not going to the funeral," Farkle announced.
"Why not?" Riley asked louder than she expected.
"Me," Maya said and sniffled.
"What?" Zay asked as he poured a glass of orange juice.
"Maya is upset about Josh, and she knows his acquaintances, it might just look weird," Farkle stuttered.
"No! You're going, that's final Farkle," Riley demanded.
"Okay," Farkle gulped as they heard running footsteps.
"Morning Mama, Morning Uncle Zay, hi Maya, hi Farkley" Isabella announced.
"Morning baby," Riley said as everyone smiled at the young girl.
"Mommy, can we do something today?" Isabella asked as Zay began to make her a bowl of cereal.
"Yes of course but I have to talk to you first," Riley said, and Maya directed Farkle out the room.
Zay brought the bowl of cereal and placed it on the table. He directed both Riley and Isabella to the table and allowed Riley to talk.
"Remember what I said about angels?" Riley asked.
"They watch over us?" Isabella said.
"Right … Izzy, Uncle Joshy became an angel yesterday," Riley said as Isabella frowned.
"Did Uncle Joshy die?" Isabella asked,
"Yes," Riley said.
"I'm not hungry," Isabella said, and her bottom lip trembled.
"That's okay," Zay said as Isabella cried into Riley's arms.
Riley began to cry as Isabella cried harder and allowed Zay to hold them in his arms. It was a small moment, but it was one of those special moments just for these three. She could feel Zay's hands in her hair and she froze. It was intimacy, and she felt guilty. Shifting away from him and Zay pulled his hands back.
"Want to color?" Riley asked and Isabella shook her head no.
"Let's just cuddle," Isabella asked, and Riley picked up the small child.
She led them to the couch and Isabella laid her head on her. Riley softly ran her fingers through the young girl's hair and took out the small knots. Isabella sniffled and Riley bit back her tears and tried her best to not break. Josh had a giant part in Isabella's life especially the first two years of her life. He had lived with the two over the summers and watched Isabella so Zay and Riley could work.
Zay placed the throw blanket over them, and Riley smiled at him.
"I'll talk to Markle," Zay whispered as Riley nodded.
Zay wanted to say something more but instead, he allowed the two girls in his life to grieve together. He walked down the hallway and stopped short of Riley's ajar door as he heard Farkle's hushed voice.
"She almost told him," Farkle whispered.
"What do you think happened?" Maya asked.
"A mess, but Luke did shoot me a text to check-in, and casually asked about Riley. Something had to happen, but I don't want to push either, but I know Riley, she's going to run, and I think she's going to end up breaking Zay's heart trying to ignore her love for Lucas," Farkle said and got up.
"Farkle she is going to always love him," Maya sighed.
"She confessed she is still in love with him," Farkle said.
Zay gripped his chest as Maya gasped quietly. He had known it was a possibility but to hear it, from someone else. It tore at his chest and he wanted to hear that Riley was madly in love with him. Instead, he gulped back his feelings and took a few steps backward before he announced himself.
"Hey, you two better be decent," Zay joked but his voice shook.
He opened the door and Maya had a small smile on her face.
"I can always count on you Baubeniex to be so … you," Maya joked as Zay leaned in the doorway.
Zay could see that Farkle was uncomfortable, and his phone went off. Zay glared but shook his head and couldn't get angry. Lucas was their friend more than they were to him. Time tended to do so and for all he knew it wasn't even Lucas.
"No problem Hart," Zay teased but it came out odd.
"You, okay?" Maya asked as Zay walked over to her.
He sat in the bay window with Maya and glanced at the empty spot next to him. The memories from the years ago when Riley trusted him more than anyone.
"No," Zay breathed, and Maya started to sob once more.
Zay let Maya cry on his shoulder, and he glanced at Farkle who was uncomfortable. Farkle looked as if he struggled to help in this situation and Zay decided to help. He wrapped his arms around Maya and Farkle sighed relieved.
"Sorry," Maya apologized and wiped Zay's shirt.
"It's no problem," Zay said.
"Thank you for taking care of Riley for me," Maya said, and this took both Farkle and Zay by surprise.
"What?" Zay asked.
"As much as I want to strangle you, thank you for taking care of my bird, she needs someone like you, she does," Maya said and Zay smiled.
"Yeah, I mean you kept her safe, both of them," Farkle added.
"Just doing my job," Zay said.
"No seriously Zay, you stepped up, and I … we can't thank you enough," Farkle said.
"You're welcome but … she's amazing I mean how do you not … love … her," Zay and trailed off.
Before anyone could break the tension, Topanga walked into the room.
"What a sight," She whispered and the three tried to smile.
"Riley?" She asked.
"With Izzy, in the living room, spending time and talking," Zay said, and Topanga nodded.
"I know things are going to be tough over the next few days, but we have everything prepared for this. Today, the rest of my family will be coming to have a small wake, we expect you guys to join us," Topanga said.
"Absolutely," Farkle said as Maya and Zay nodded.
"I have also invited Lucas," Topanga paused as everyone visibly got uncomfortable.
"Fair warning, and please don't pretend today, Josh always loved you guys for being you, smile, laugh, it's okay, he would have wanted it," Topanga finished.
She walked away before the three could say anything, but they shared a look.
This was going to be emotional.
It was as if he blinked and Zay stood in Matthew's living room and could see Riley's grandparents somberly talking to Cory. They had greeted him, and he tried to keep it together but with one look at their face, they had cried.
Zay had to do something and took a page out of Riley's book and busied himself with tasks. He had helped Riley get Isabella ready, and stood by as Riley spent much needed time with Isabella. Ava had taken Isabella to her apartment to avoid Lucas but also not to expose her to the overwhelming emotions of the wake.
Now he stood next to Riley who was wearing a simple black dress and her hair tied into a bun. Her eyes were bloodshot but her face cold.
"This was quick," Zay mumbled to Riley who was focused on the table setting.
"They had it prepared," Maya said as she brought over some napkins.
"I know it's just … he was just here," Zay said.
"He didn't want his death to hover over us, anyone, he had Riley's parents make sure there was no delay," Maya answered.
"It's not perfect," Riley announced as Zay knew she was overthinking again.
"Riles," Zay began but she already left his side to fiddle with the plates.
Zay watched her move around the table trying to make everything exactly perfect and Maya watched him watch her.
"You, okay?" Maya asked in a low tone.
"No," Zay said.
"Why?" Maya asked.
"That's why," Zay said and jutted his chin at Lucas who walked in.
Lucas dressed in all black held two dozen white roses in his arms. He was scouring the room, but his gaze landed on Riley. His face lit up and Maya and Zay both saw it.
"Zay it's probably nothing, Josh just died," Maya whispered.
"I-" Before Zay could get a word in, Lucas had walked over.
"Huckleberry," Maya said, and Riley looked up at Lucas.
They stared at one another and Lucas smiled brighter than one should have in the situation they were in. He thrust the flowers to Riley who hesitantly took them from him. The silence was deafening, and Maya could see the heartbreak on Zay's face.
"Riley-" Lucas began but Riley instantly walked away from him with the flowers in her hands.
"Awkward," Maya said, and Lucas glared at her.
"What?" Maya asked, pushing the subject.
"Nothing," Lucas groaned and followed after Riley.
"See," Zay said and watched Lucas corner Riley.
"Lucas," Riley gasped.
"Did I do something wrong?" Lucas asked.
Riley looked at the flowers avoiding his eyes. She couldn't explain that she was going to confess her, well their child to him. That she did not want to leave his arms, but this was the best for everyone.
"No, I did," Riley mumbled.
"What?" Lucas asked as she stepped closer to her.
"You," Riley said and looked him in the eyes.
"Riley," Lucas began.
"It was a mistake," Riley cut him off.
"All of it," Riley said, and she could see the coldness coming back.
"Riley" Lucas gritted.
"I am sorry I put you in that position, you did what you had to do, and I took advantage of it," Riley said, and she could feel the blood in her hands.
She gripped the roses so tight the thorns pierced her skin and tried not to fuss over the pain. She had to do this, if not, he would … she wasn't sure what he would do but it wasn't going to end well.
His face softened and she could see his eyes focused on her hands.
"You're bleeding," He whispered, and Riley rushed away.
Her heart hammered in her chest and she walked over to the sink and placed the roses on the counter next to her. Topanga was next to her with a glass vase and peering eyes. She could see the small pools of blood on Riley's fingers.
"Riley," Topanga said, and Riley ran the sink to wash her blood.
"I'm fine," Riley whispered.
"Have you taken your medication?" Topanga asked and filled the vase with water as Riley dried her hands.
"Yes," Riley whispered.
"Do you need a moment," Topanga asked as she placed the flowers in the vase.
Riley wanted to lie but instead, she was honest for once.
"Yes," She whispered, her voice cracked.
She wanted to see Isabella, but she couldn't in this state and knew it was better to collect herself in her room. She slipped away quietly and escaped into her room. Seeing the familiar colors, the memories of her life imprinted in the photos, and bay window. Her chest tightened and she leaned over to catch her breath.
"You, okay?"
Riley spun around to see Lucas closing the door behind him.
"What the hell?" Riley gasped and Lucas was surprised at her demeanor.
"I saw you slip away; you were bleeding and you looked sick, and I … are you okay Riley?" He asked.
"Yes," She lied and leaned up.
Her head felt woozy, and she wobbled but she had to be strong. Lucas took a step towards her and she took one back. His face flushed with frustration and Riley starred in bewilderment at him.
"You're not," Lucas said.
"I sleep with you and tell you it means nothing, and I am not, okay? You don't know me, Lucas," Riley snapped.
"I didn't, that's not what I meant," Lucas said, and Riley could see his shield come back.
"So what? What do you want," Riley asked?
"Nothing, like us, nothing Riley," Lucas said, his voice cold and harsh.
Riley tried to keep the act up, enough to get him to go but it hurt. She didn't want to do this, she had to, she had to protect herself and Isabella. He had a life, a perfect life, without her, without the added responsibilities. He had everything, adding a child, their child would just ruin his life.
"I thought … I thought … fuck Riley," Lucas growled, and Riley watched him get frustrated.
She was good, she was good at pushing him far away from her, from the life they could have. No, she couldn't dream, he had to get back with Allison, she was the better one.
"Well, you were wrong," Riley said and crossed her arms.
"I guess," He said and turned to walk away.
Riley took a step towards him, slightly reaching for him but she caught herself but not soon enough.
"What!" Lucas snapped as he caught her reaching for him.
She was messing with his head; she was breaking him, and he was done with the games. He tried to understand but he couldn't, it was hot and cold with her.
"I have to go," Riley said and before Lucas knew it Riley was climbing out her window onto the fire escape.
Before he even knew it, he was following her out the window and down the fire escape. He didn't understand but something said to follow her, as much as he was angry … there was something not adding up about the situation. Riley was surprised to see Lucas following her but not completely, she was making a mess of everything.
She sped down the block away from him, but he was taller, he was faster, and he grabbed her by her arms.
"No!" Lucas said and turned Riley to face him.
"You don't get to run away, not anymore, what the fuck was that Riley?" Lucas asked as Riley couldn't figure it out herself.
"I couldn't breathe," Riley answered honestly.
"So, you jump out your window?" Lucas asked.
"I couldn't breathe! You don't get it, I fuck everything up … even us," Riley said.
"Riley,"
"I can't," Riley said and started walking away again.
Lucas looked back at her brownstone and found himself walking in step with her. Silent walking with her was better than watching her walk away. At Least this way when she disappeared, he had an idea of where to find her. They walked in complete silence and she shivered at the breeze when the wind picked up. Absentmindedly he took off his blazer and placed it over her shoulders.
"Where are we?" Riley asked as she took the blazer from him.
She was tired, she was tired of lying, hiding, and arguing with him. It was easier to just accept the blazer as Lucas stopped walking.
"By my place," Lucas said.
"Oh," Riley said and stopped herself.
"Feeling better?" He asked.
"Lucas … I … I am sorry I can't explain any of this," Riley said and shivered again.
"Let's go," Lucas sighed and directed her down the block towards his place.
Riley's stomach began to flip but it was easier to accept this as well. It was easier to lie to herself that having his hands on hers didn't feel great, but it was. His hands were soft but strong, and warm.
"What are we doing?" Riley asked as Lucas walked into the lobby.
"Getting out of the cold, and then we are going to call your family about this disappearing act you do so well," Lucas said as Riley scoffed.
Riley didn't argue and followed him into the elevator. He pressed the button to his floor, and she shoved herself into the corner. His scent came from the jacket and she smiled as it was familiar, it was happiness, it was him. The bell chime brought her out of her thoughts, and she followed him towards his apartment.
He turned to her and Riley raised her eyebrows. He leaned into her and Riley swallowed inward as he reached into his pocket to grab his keys. Riley let out the breath she was holding and followed him into the apartment. Her feet struggled to find a place to tuck herself into. She closed the door and watched him curiously. He tossed his keys onto the counter and then turned back to her.
"It might be best to call Auggie," Riley said as Lucas gave her a look.
"What?" She asked.
"After we talk," He said, and her stomach flipped.
"Lucas-"
"No, you're going to listen," Lucas said as Riley stood quietly.
"Riley, I know you pretty well, or I used to, and … you're doing a hell of a job at pushing me away, and it should be doing all of that and I don't want to" Lucas began.
"Why you're pushing me away … I can't force you to tell me, but I do want you to know that I don't regret last night," He said as he took a step towards her and she backed away.
"Lucas-" Riley started.
"No! Fuck Riley, let me talk for once let me get this all out, I need you not to twist this or try to fuck this up because I need to get my point out there before you disappear," Lucas said as he walked closer, and Riley felt the door on her back.
"You keep running away, and I don't know what I did for you to do so but … I still love you," Lucas confessed.
Riley groaned as Lucas placed his hands on her cheeks.
"Stop me if you want me to but I love you and I want to kiss you," Lucas whispered as he leaned down.
She stood on her tiptoes and sealed the kiss with him. His hands held her head close to his and they melted once more with each other.
Riley sat in front of the glass window holding a mug of coffee. She was dressed in Lucas's button-down flannel, the only one she was able to find. She watched the sunset over the skyline and heard his footsteps.
"Did I wake you?" Riley asked as Lucas sat down next to her. He had his own mug of coffee and he chuckled.
"It's six at night, no one should be asleep," Lucas said as Riley played with her hair.
"Oh," Riley
"It's okay Riley, this is weird," Lucas said as Riley tried to ignore the tone of his voice.
"I shouldn't have made you kiss me," Riley said, and Lucas chuckled.
"I am pretty sure I made you," Lucas said, and Riley could hear the teasing in his voice.
"I still love you," Lucas confessed.
Riley didn't answer and Lucas drank from his mug. She stared out the window at the skyline, but his gaze was on her. Her hair tousled around her face, swollen lips, eyes sparkled with tears but happiness.
"I know," Riley said and played with her mug.
"Do you still love me?" He asked and Riley tried to pretend she didn't hear him, but he stared at her.
"Riley," He pushed.
"Of course, I do," Riley said, and her confession took them both by surprise.
"I never stopped Lucas, I love you, I am in love with you, I never stopped, not once" Riley confessed.
"Why did you leave then? Riley, please make this make some sense, your hot and cold game is not fun to be on the receiving end," Lucas said and placed his mug down.
"I have to go," Riley said and handed him her mug.
"Fuck! That! I can't do that! I can't let you go without a reason; no, I deserve a reason why you left! Give me that! So, I can let this go! Let you go!" Lucas snapped.
"I … I … had to go! I fucked up, I made a choice one that I couldn't erase, and if I put that on you Lucas, I could never forgive myself. Goodbye Lucas," Riley whispered and kissed the top of his head.
"What choice?" He asked.
"Mine, just mine okay, please … please drop it, don't … I hope you can let me go because I have to let you go," Riley said and stood to her feet.
He didn't go after her and she was thankful that he was finally giving up on her. She dressed in his room and tried not to glance at the picture of Lucas and Allison. However, the masochist in her did and she was surprised to see it was no longer there. Did she imagine the picture, but she couldn't focus on it. She stepped out of the room and didn't see him in the room and walked over to the front door.
"Goodbye Lucas," Riley whispered.