Author Note: I realized that introducing our local puppeteer and sculpture artist that quickly was not a good idea. Here's a new look…
No changes this time. Dattebayo.
The Fight At The Bridge: III
Naruto's eyes narrowed as Bitch's cold, analytical voice echoed in her mind, recommending a brutal but effective strategy.
- Cut off his and Haku's limbs. This will prevent them from consuming Senzu Beans.
Naruto mentally sighed. "That's still brutal," she thought. "But... it's better."
As the blinding light faded, revealing Zabuza fully healed and standing, his eyes blazed with fury. "You think you can just kill me and get away with it?!" he roared, gripping his massive blade.
Naruto, her face a mask of cold determination, responded in her robotic tone, "You leave me no choice." With a flicker of chakra, she vanished from her spot, utilizing the Flying Thunder God technique to reappear right in front of Zabuza.
Zabuza swung his blade with all his might, but Naruto, moving faster than the eye could see, blocked it with Raijin, Tobirama's legendary katana. The sheer force of their clash sent shockwaves through the air, and the ground beneath them trembled.
"Water Style: Water Dragon Jutsu!" Zabuza yelled, summoning a massive dragon made of water. The dragon roared and lunged at Naruto, its jaws wide open.
Naruto formed a series of rapid hand signs. "Lightning Style: Thunderclap!" she shouted, slamming her hands together. A massive bolt of lightning struck the water dragon, causing it to explode into a spray of mist.
Haku, seeing Zabuza in danger, leapt into the fray, launching a barrage of ice spears at Naruto. "You won't defeat us!" he cried, his voice filled with desperation.
Naruto deflected the ice spears with Raijin, the lightning blade slicing through them effortlessly. She then dashed towards Haku, her movements a blur. "Your determination is admirable, but futile," she said, her voice cold and robotic.
With a swift motion, Naruto struck nerves Haku's arms, rendering them useless. Haku cried out in pain, falling to his knees. Naruto turned her attention back to Zabuza, who was struggling to stand. "This ends now," she declared.
Zabuza tried to retaliate, but Naruto was too quick. Using Bitch's directions, she hit nerves on his legs with precise strikes, leaving him unable to fight. The once formidable rogue ninja lay defeated, his body immobilized.
Naruto stood over them, her face emotionless. "You're no longer a threat," she stated. She then noticed Zabuza's pants. "It is made of good material," she mused.
She tied Zabuza and Haku together using Zabuza's pants, ensuring they couldn't move. With that done, she picked them up and began to head towards the old man's house.
"Neutralized without chopping off their limbs," Naruto mused. "i am truly the best."
"You should reward me," Naruto said emotionlessly, though she felt a swell of pride.
"Yes, of course! You saved my life. Anything for you," Tazuna replied gratefully. "What do you wa—"
"Banana Ramen," Naruto interrupted, her tongue wiping the imaginary saliva from her lips in a robotic way. "Dattebayo."
Tazuna blinked in confusion. "Is that an actual dish?"
"I want Banana Ramen with chocolate," Naruto added, her tone threatening.
"Wait, wh—"
"I want Banana Ramen with chocolate and chili sauce," Naruto demanded.
"All right, all right! No need to get so aggressive," Tazuna sighed, resigned. "I'll get you your weird dishes…"
"Dattebayo," Naruto finished, her tone triumphant.
The absurdity of the situation hung in the air as they walked back to the house. The day had been one of intense battles and bizarre requests, but Naruto had emerged victorious, her robotic coolness intact. Despite the chaos, there was a strange sense of camaraderie between the old man and the android ninja.
As they reached Tazuna's house, Naruto glanced at the old man. "You will prepare the Banana Ramen with chocolate and chili sauce for me?"
Tazuna nodded wearily. "Yes, yes. I'll get right on it. Just... please tie them properly before they wake up."
Naruto's eyes gleamed with satisfaction. "Mission complete," she said, her voice mechanical yet oddly cheerful. She dropped Zabuza and Haku unceremoniously on the ground, their limbs bound tightly.
Naruto struck a 'cool' pose, her chest puffed out, right hand extended in a dramatic fashion and right leg bend as she entered Tazuna's hut, her posture exaggerated and robotic. "Here comes the next Hokage," she declared, her voice devoid of emotion. "Dattebayo."
Crickets chirped in the background, adding an eerie silence to her proclamation.
"Hello?" she asked, looking around. There was no answer. She moved from the living room to the bedrooms, and then to the kitchen, her mechanical movements almost unsettling in their precision. Still, she found no one.
She looked at Tazuna, who appeared horrified, his eyes wide with fear. "My daughter!" he exclaimed, his voice trembling. "Inari!"
Naruto leaned closer, her head tilting slightly as she frowned. "Who could do such a thing?" she asked, her tone almost inquisitive. "Do you have any enemies?"
Tazuna gave her a blank look, his face a mixture of confusion and frustration. "Is there something on my face?" Naruto asked.
"...Gato. Who else?" Tazuna finally replied, raising his hands in exasperation.
Naruto looked thoughtful for a moment, her expression unreadable.."Daa...ttee...bayy...ooo..." she said slowly, as if processing the information.
Tazuna sighed deeply. He should have known better. "Old Man," Naruto finally said, her voice taking on a more serious tone, "I have a plan to rescue your daughter and grandson."
"You do?" Tazuna exclaimed, hope flickering in his eyes.
"Indeed," Naruto said, her tone as dead serious as always. "But the cost is grave."
Tazuna gulped, his resolve hardening. "I am ready."
"Good," Naruto nodded. "We'll be infiltrating Gato's kitc… place to rescue your daughter and grandson."
"How?" Tazuna asked, his curiosity piqued.
She pointed at the unconscious and tied-up Zabuza and Haku. "Take off their clothes."
Tazuna stepped back, a nervous look on his face. "Oh no."
"Oh yes, indeed," Naruto said, taking a step forward. Her high heels made a disturbing clicking noise on the wooden floor.
o—O—o
Gato was waiting for his men to gather, pacing back and forth in his hideout. His smirk grew as he twisted his mustache, anticipating the betrayal that would unfold. "A few more minutes," he muttered to himself. "In a few more minutes, I'll ambush Zabuza and his lackey..."
The door creaked open, and voices filled the space.
"...Why do I need to carry this... thing?" came a grumbling voice, sounding old and strained.
"Because you are Zabuza, the masked bare-chested ninja," another voice, robotic and monotone, responded. "Dattebayo."
"I had to shave my chest..." the first voice lamented.
"You can sell those hairs for a good price," the robotic voice suggested. "Because that's a lot of hair."
"Can't you just henge yourself?" the old voice asked, frustration evident.
"Where's the fun in that?" the robotic voice countered.
"This is supposed to be fun?" the old voice questioned, incredulous.
"Dattebayo," the robotic voice concluded.
Gato, hearing the commotion, frowned deeply. "Who's there?" he demanded.
One of his goons scratched his head nervously. "Zabuza and his lackey, boss. I think."
"You think?" Gato's frown deepened as he marched toward the entrance. His eyes widened in shock when he saw the pair before him.
Tazuna, awkwardly disguised as Zabuza, stood there with a nervous smile. Beside him, Naruto, in a hunter ninja dress, poorly impersonated Haku, her expression blank and robotic.
"Zabuza, why are you... fatter?" Gato asked, disbelief clear in his voice.
Naruto quickly interjected, "He was hit by an age-increasing jutsu. Dattebayo."
Tazuna nodded vigorously. "Yes, that's right."
Gato's eyes then scrutinized Naruto. "And why does your lackery look more... girly? And why are his hair and eye color different?"
Naruto straightened, her voice echoing in the room. "I was hit by a gender-bending jutsu, and the frustration turned my hair white. My eyes too."
"But did you finish the job?" Gato asked.
"Yes," Naruto nodded. "We left no….eh…clothes unwashed."
Gato, licking his lips at the thought of Zabuza being weak and old, and Haku being... eye-soothing, grinned wickedly. He then yelled for his men, "Ambush them!"
The goons surged forward, surrounding Tazuna and Naruto. Tazuna trembled in fear, his knees shaking. "This is bad," he whispered.
Naruto, poorly acting afraid, said robotically, "Oh no, we are surrounded. What shall we do, Zabuza?"
Tazuna's voice quivered. "I... I don't know..."
"Are we going to die?" Naruto 'nervously' asked.
"Yeah!" Gato smirked. "Only Zabuza though, not you…"
"Ha?" Tazuna froze.
"Well, paying you such a big amount of money…I have a solution…kill two… no, three birds with one stone." Gato concluded.
Naruto turned to Gato, her face expressionless. "Before we die, can you fulfill my final wish?"
Gato's interest was piqued. "What is it?"
"Tell me where you keep the ramen... eh, where you keep Tsunami, Inari, and the Leaf Ninja," Naruto said.
Gato looked confused. "Huh? What? I don't know anything about that."
Naruto blinked. "Oh." She then dropped her 'facade of fear', her tone shifting to one of annoyance. "This was a huge waste of time." She transitioned into battle mode, her body moving with precision and speed.
In an instant, she struck the nearest goon with a swift kick, sending him crashing into the wall. She then spun around, using Raijin to deflect an incoming attack. "Senju Slash!" she declared, her blade slicing through the air.
Another goon lunged at her, but she effortlessly dodged, her movements fluid and graceful despite her robotic nature. "You're no match for me," she declared, her voice cold and unyielding.
One by one, the goons fell to her relentless assault. Her strikes were precise, each blow landing with deadly accuracy. "Dynamic Kick!" she intoned, delivering a powerful kick that sent another goon flying.
Gato watched in horror as his men were swiftly neutralized. Naruto's speed was unmatched, her movements a blur as she darted from one opponent to the next. "Shadow Clone Jutsu!" she called out, creating multiple copies of herself to overwhelm the remaining goons.
The clones moved in perfect synchronization, their attacks coordinated and relentless. "Please take this!" one clone stated, delivering a punch that shattered the jaw of an unfortunate goon.
"Over here!" another clone called, sweeping the legs out from under a goon before slamming him into the ground.
The real Naruto, wielding Raijin with deadly precision, carved a path through the chaos. "Senju Slash." she declared again, the blade of Tobirama's katana flashing as it cut through the air.
Gato's eyes widened in fear as he realized the true extent of Naruto's power. "What are you?!" he screamed, backing away in terror.
Naruto, her expression still emotionless, cocked her head to one side. "Give me the coordinates of your ramen collection."
Gato stammered, "I-I don't know anything about that!"
Naruto let out a robotic sigh. "You leave me no choice, dattebayo." She stepped forward, her eyes locking onto Gato with an intensity that made his blood run cold.
With that, Naruto began her 'unique interrogation' methods. She grabbed Gato by the collar, lifting him off the ground effortlessly. "Where is the ramen collection?" she asked again, her voice devoid of emotion.
"I swear, I don't know!" Gato cried out, his voice cracking with fear.
Naruto tightened her grip, her robotic strength causing Gato to wince in pain. "You will tell me," she said, her tone unyielding. "Or else…"
Gato's eyes darted around the room, looking for any means of escape. But there was none. The goons lay defeated, scattered across the floor, groaning in pain. He was trapped.
"Fine! Fine! I'll tell you!" Gato screamed, desperation clear in his voice. "Just please, don't hurt me!"
Naruto loosened her grip slightly. "Speak."
Gato, trembling, began to spill everything he knew. "There is no ramen collection! Please, you have to believe me!"
Naruto's expression didn't change. "Where are Tsunami, Inari, and the Leaf Ninja?"
"I-I don't know!" Gato stammered. "I don't know where they are!"
Naruto's eyes narrowed. "You truly leave me no choice," she said again. She dropped Gato to the floor and turned to Tazuna. "Old man, prepare yourself."
Tazuna, still trembling, managed a nod. "W-what are you going to do?"
Naruto, her tone serious, replied, "We're going to explore. Dattebayo."
Meanwhile, in a serene clearing in the woods near Tazuna's house, Kakashi, Sakura, Sasuke, Inari, and Tsunami were having a peaceful picnic. Kakashi was leaning against a tree, his nose buried in his ever-present Icha Icha book, while Sakura and Inari bickered playfully over who would get the last rice ball.
Tsunami watched the scene with smiles, enjoying the rare moment of peace. "It's so nice to see everyone getting along," Tsunami said softly, her eyes twinkling.
Kakashi nodded, his masked face lighting up with a grin.
Back at Gato's hideout, Naruto was a whirlwind of efficiency. She neutralized the remaining goons with a series of well-placed strikes, her movements almost mechanical in their precision. "Dynamic Kick!" she yelled, her voice echoing through the room as she delivered a powerful kick to the last standing goon.
Gato, now cowering on the floor, watched in terror as Naruto approached him. "Please, no more," he begged, his voice shaking.
Naruto stopped in front of him, her expression unreadable. "You have one last chance," she said, her voice cold and robotic. "Tell me where they are."
Gato, tears streaming down his face, shook his head. "I swear, I don't know! Please, just let me go!"
Naruto let out another robotic sigh. "Very well," she said. She turned to Tazuna, who was still in his Zabuza disguise, and gave a small nod. "Let's go. We've wasted enough time here."
"But my daughter and—"
"They are probably safe. Right, Bitch?"
-Affirmative.
o—O—o
Kakashi, Sasuke, Sakura, Tsunami, and Inari returned home after their serene picnic in the woods. The sun was setting, casting a warm glow over Tazuna's hut, making it seem almost peaceful.
"That was nice," Sakura said as she looked at Sasuke and blushed. She hoped he had enjoyed the picnic too.
"Hn," Sasuke grunted, looking bored. He wanted to train, not have a picnic, although he had to admit the tomato pickle was quite good.
"I'll go—" Inari started to say, but he was cut off by a loud, piercing scream from inside the hut.
Everyone froze. Tsunami, who had gone ahead, was screaming. "W-why…why are—"
Kakashi's one visible eye widened in surprise. He was sure he had felt no one inside the hut. "Everyone, be on guard," he ordered as they all quickly rushed inside.
"What happened?" Sasuke demanded as he stood by Kakashi's side, his hand instinctively reaching for a kunai. When he saw what lay before them, he froze, his eyes wide with shock.
Sakura, standing beside Inari, immediately covered his eyes with her hands, but not before she had a brief, horrifying glimpse that caused her to have a nosebleed. "Stay back, Inari," she said, trying to keep her voice calm.
"What's wrong, Sakura?" Inari asked, trying to peek through her fingers.
Tsunami, her face pale and trembling, pointed towards the middle of the living room. "W-why are there two n-naked men in my house? And why are they in that…like that p-position?"
Sasuke's eyes turned crimson, two tomoe spinning in each as he stared at the scene, committing it to his memory despite his better judgment. He was never letting anyone know how he awakened his Sharingan.
Kakashi's single eye widened in an expression that seemed to be shock or perhaps masked amusement. Before them lay Zabuza and a boy, still unconscious, but now completely naked and tied together in an extremely compromising position. The pair were chest to chest, with Zabuza's muscular form draped over Haku's delicate frame in what could only be described as an accidental yet scandalous embrace.
"Oh, fuck." Kakashi muttered.
"Fuck?" Inari exclaimed. "What's fucking? Who's fucking?"
Tsunami threw Kakashi a glare who chuckled nervously.
o—O—o
Everyone in the village was left in stunned silence as Naruto, dressed in her black frilly dress, paraded into the center of town dragging a beaten and barely clothed Gato, who was reduced to nothing but his underwear. Her white hair and blue eyes seemed to glow in the late afternoon light, giving her an almost ethereal, albeit somewhat creepy, appearance.
A murmur ran through the crowd as people started asking questions. Tazuna stepped forward, clearing his throat. "This is Naruto Uzumaki," he began, gesturing to her proudly. "She defeated the dangerous Mist Ninja, Zabuza, and an Ice Release user!"
Naruto struck a 'cool' pose, her robotic movements contrasting sharply with her triumphant proclamation. "Naruto Uzumaki, Dattebayo."
Among the crowd, two figures stood out, both fixated on Naruto with intense curiosity. Deidara, with his wild blond hair and smirk, elbowed the stoic Sasori. "Oi, girl!" Deidara called out, drawing the attention of everyone around.
Naruto pointed at herself, tilting her head. "Yes, you," Deidara confirmed.
"Do you want to take a photo with me?" she asked, her voice tinged with a hint of robotic pride.
"No," Sasori replied coldly, causing a few chuckles in the crowd. "Just tell us where the museum is. Apparently, none of these people know what a museum is."
Naruto blinked. "Muse-yumm?" she echoed, her confusion apparent. "Is that a foreign cuisine?"
Deidara facepalmed, exasperated. "It's a place where you keep valuable artifacts, jewelry," Sasori explained patiently, "and puppets."
Naruto's mouth formed an 'o'. She poked Gato's bare belly, causing him to wiggle in ticklish discomfort. "You can find these things at Gato's place, north of here."
Sasori nodded, a rare smile tugging at his lips. "Thank you, Uzumaki-san."
"Dattebayo."
"Come on, Deidara. We're leaving."
"Wait, Old-timer!" Deidara protested as they walked away.
Naruto blinked as she received the memories of her clones. "Oops. I forgot to tell them that I already emptied the building…save for those dolls and some boxes with creepy skull symbols. I hope they won't know who did it," she sighed robotically. "No ramen…"
At that moment, Team Seven, accompanied by Tsunami and Inari, arrived on the scene. "Naruto," Kakashi said, eyeing Gato with a raised eyebrow, "why is he…almost naked?"
"My interrogation method," Naruto stated plainly.
"And why were Zabuza and the other boy naked…?" Kakashi continued.
"They were not wearing any undergarments when I 'borrowed' their clothes for infiltrating Gato's place," she replied matter-of-factly.
"How do you explain the questionable position?" Sasuke asked, his face still slightly flushed from the memory.
Naruto ignored the question, turning to address the crowd. "I shall distribute autographs."
Sakura turned green, holding her stomach. "I think I am going to be sick."
Sasuke glared at her. "Loser…"
"Big sister, you did it!" Inari exclaimed, his eyes wide with admiration. "You defeated Gato!"
Naruto struck another 'cool' pose as everyone cheered and praised her. "Dattebayo."
Meanwhile, Deidara and Sasori, having reached Gato's place, found some valuable puppets and artifacts. "Good thing that Uzumaki girl told us about the place," Deidara remarked as he set off a small explosion for fun.
Sasori nodded in agreement, examining a particularly fine puppet. "Indeed."
o—O—o
As Team Seven prepared to leave for the Hidden Leaf Village, the entire population of the village gathered to bid them farewell. The villagers were overwhelmingly grateful for their heroics, particularly Naruto's peculiar brand of bravery. Cheers erupted from the crowd as they spotted the black frilly dress wearing girl with her striking white hair and bright blue eyes.
Naruto stood at the forefront, soaking in the admiration with a robotic smile. "Thank you, villagers," she said, her voice monotone yet brimming with pride. "Your praises are most appreciated, Dattebayo."
An elderly woman shuffled forward, her hands trembling as she handed Naruto a basket of fruits. "Thank you for saving us, dear. Please, accept this small token of our gratitude."
Naruto accepted the basket, her movements stiff. "Fruits acknowledged. Gratitude received."
Sakura and Sasuke stood a few steps behind Naruto, their expressions a mix of jealousy and irritation. "She's really lapping this up," Sakura muttered under her breath, crossing her arms.
Sasuke clenched his fists, his Sharingan still faintly visible. "How did this turn into the Naruto show?" he grumbled, casting a sidelong glance at the crowd, who were now chanting Naruto's name.
Kakashi, leaning against a post with his usual nonchalance, couldn't help but chuckle. "Well, she did save the day," he said, though his visible eye twitched slightly at the thought of the extensive mission report he would have to submit to the Hokage. "And now I have to write about every single detail, including the part where Zabuza and Haku escaped naked."
Sakura sighed, shaking her head. "I still can't believe that happened. How did they even manage to escape?"
Kakashi shrugged. "They're ninjas. Naked, bound ninjas, but ninjas nonetheless."
Meanwhile, Naruto continued to bask in the villagers' praise. "Naruto-sama, will you come back to visit us?" a young boy asked, his eyes wide with admiration.
Naruto patted the boy's head awkwardly. "Affirmative. A return visit is probable."
A group of women approached, giggling. "Naruto-san, can we have your autograph?"
Naruto nodded robotically. "Autographs will be distributed. Form a single line. Dattebayo." She began signing pieces of paper, her handwriting oddly neat despite her mechanical movements.
As the villagers lined up for autographs, Tazuna stood to the side, watching with a mixture of pride and amusement. "She really did save us all," he said, mostly to himself. "And she did it in a way only Naruto could."
The villagers soon began to disperse, the excitement gradually settling. Tazuna cleared his throat, gathering everyone's attention one last time. "Before you leave, we have one more thing to do."
With a grand gesture, he pointed to the newly completed bridge. "From this day forward, this bridge shall be known as The Great Naruto Uzumaki Bridge!"
Cheers erupted once more as Naruto struck a 'cool' pose, her eyes glinting with pride. "Acknowledged. The bridge name is satisfactory. Dattebayo."
Sakura rolled her eyes. "Can we go now?"
Sasuke nodded, clearly eager to leave. "Yeah, let's get out of here."
Kakashi gave a final nod to Tazuna. "Thank you for your hospitality. Take care of yourselves."
As Team Seven finally began to walk away from the village, Naruto turned back one last time, her robotic voice carrying on the wind. "Dattebayo, villagers. Dattebayo."
"Dattebayo" The villagers chorused.
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Why does she always have to say that?"
Sakura sighed. "Because she's Naruto."
Kakashi just chuckled softly. "The mission is over, but the memories – some embarrassing, some funny, all unforgettable – will stay with us forever."
Next: Chunin Exams: Konoha 12; Assemble!