A Toad And An Android
Naruto was sprawled out on the grass at Training Ground Seven, sitting in the most unladylike way imaginable— legs crossed in a way that would make any proper etiquette teacher faint on the spot. Her glowing sapphire eyes stared blankly into the sky, and her neck-length white hair was as still as her robotic posture. She was waiting, rather impatiently, for the arrival of the man she had come to know as Pervy Sage. The parts of her body creaked slightly as she shifted, and the black frilly dress she wore rustled in the breeze, a stark contrast to the very serious mission she had in mind.
She had decided—no, 'resolved'—to learn some cool jutsus. Her recent fight with Lee had been a real eye-opener. Sure, having the Kyuubi, or as she'd affectionately named the AI in her— "Bitch," might give her an edge, but she couldn't rely on them all the time. If she was going to be Hokage, she had to do it with her own power. 'Dattebayo.' There was no other way.
Suddenly, she heard the familiar sound of someone huffing and puffing in the distance, and within moments, the legendary Toad Sage Jiraiya, more commonly known as Pervy Sage, appeared in all his disheveled glory. His long white hair flowed behind him, and his face bore the classic expression of someone who had been forced to run when they'd rather take their sweet time.
"You're three minutes late," Naruto stated flatly, her eyes narrowing ever so slightly as she looked up at him. Her tone was robotic and unamused, a perfect match for her wooden frame.
Jiraiya sneered, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "Shut up, brat!" he retorted, sounding more like a cranky old man than a legendary ninja. "I had to run all the way—"
"Start teaching," Naruto interrupted, her annoyance barely concealed. She wasn't in the mood for excuses.
Jiraiya smirked, that mischievous twinkle appearing in his eyes. "Take off your clothes," he said, the grin on his face spreading wider as if he'd just told the greatest joke in the world.
Naruto blinked, her expression as blank as a freshly wiped chalkboard. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me," Jiraiya replied, crossing his arms as if he'd just issued a perfectly reasonable command.
Naruto's glowing eyes narrowed, and if she had eyebrows, they would have furrowed. "Why?" she asked suspiciously. "Are you a ped—"
"Ew, gross!" Jiraiya immediately recoiled, his face scrunching up in disgust. "Look at you, you're an A cup; plus, a midget! I have standards, and you don't even come close to them."
Naruto stared at him for a long moment, processing his words with her usual robotic precision. "Then why?" she finally asked, her voice flat and devoid of any emotion.
Jiraiya let out a dramatic sigh, running a hand through his white hair as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. "I want to see inside you," he said, his tone serious this time.
Naruto's eyes widened ever so slightly, and she took a deep breath before unleashing a scream that could have shattered glass. "HELP, HELP! A HENTAI—"
"'I meant your 'AI' assistant that's been troubling you!'" Jiraiya yelled, cutting her off before her scream could attract any actual attention.
"Oh," Naruto said, her voice instantly reverting to its robotic calm. She nodded once and began to take off her frilly black dress and long gloves, her movements precise and mechanical. The dress fluttered to the ground, and the gloves followed suit, revealing…
Jiraiya blinked, utterly gobsmacked by what he was seeing. "What the fuck are those?!" he exclaimed, his voice filled with disbelief.
Naruto struck what she believed to be a "cool" pose, her body creaking slightly as she did so. "My toad boxers and vest," she announced proudly. The boxers were a vibrant shade of green, with tiny orange toads hopping all over them in a chaotic pattern. The vest, meanwhile, was an equally garish orange, clashing spectacularly with the green of the boxers. If there had been an award for the world's most outrageous fashion statement, Naruto would have won it hands down.
Jiraiya stared at her for what felt like an eternity before finally shaking his head in disbelief. "I mean, why? You're a girl now. Why not wear panties or a bra?"
Naruto's eyes narrowed once more, and she stared at him with the kind of cold detachment only a wooden, robotic girl could muster. "None of your business," she stated flatly, her tone leaving no room for further discussion.
Jiraiya let out another sigh, this one heavier than the last. "Alright, let's get this over with," he muttered, sounding as if he was bracing himself for some monumental task.
"Dattebayo," Naruto responded automatically, her eyes gleaming with a faint blue light as she awaited whatever bizarre training session Pervy Sage had in store for her.
Jiraiya rubbed his temples, letting out a sigh that could only be described as the long, weary breath of a man who had seen far too much in his lifetime. "Alright, brat, I couldn't fix the issue here. The AI will likely irritate you," he said, trying to sound encouraging but failing miserably. He glanced over at Naruto, whose features seemed to droop ever so slightly, her robotic expression somehow managing to convey a mix of disheartenment and annoyance all at once. "But she won't freeze you anymore," Jiraiya added, hoping it would cheer her up even just a little bit.
"Dattebayo," Naruto nodded, though her enthusiasm was clearly lacking. Her mechanical voice echoed faintly, giving the phrase an almost eerie tone.
Jiraiya raised an eyebrow, expecting at least some form of gratitude. "You know, a thank you would've been nice," he grumbled, feeling just a tad underappreciated.
Naruto, however, was not one for pleasantries when there were more pressing matters at hand. "Teach me a cool jutsu first," she demanded, still decked out in her utterly ridiculous toad-themed boxers and bright orange vest. Her sapphire eyes glowed with determination—or maybe it was just the light reflecting off her face. Either way, she wasn't about to let Jiraiya off the hook without learning something awesome.
Jiraiya sighed again, this time with the weight of a thousand disappointments. 'At least Minato respected me,' he thought bitterly. But his daughter? 'A total bitch.' "Fiiine," he relented, pulling out a massive scroll with an exaggerated flourish. "Here's the summoning scroll. Sign your name here with blood—" He paused, suddenly remembering that she wasn't exactly made of flesh and blood. "Oh, right… You're an android. I guess you can't—"
Before he could finish that thought, Naruto shocked the living daylights out of him. With an unnerving precision, she "detached" her finger, and instead of blood, a stream of ink poured out like it was the most normal thing in the world. Calmly, and with handwriting that could only be described as horrendous, she scrawled her name across the scroll: 'Naruto Uzumaki.' The letters were crooked and wobbly, the 'z' looking more like a poorly drawn 's,' but it was legible. Barely.
Jiraiya groaned, slapping a hand over his face. "Fuck," he muttered under his breath, wondering how his life had come to this. A moment later, he regained his composure and looked at her with the grim determination of a man on a mission. "Now, the hand signs are—" He began demonstrating the hand signs for the summoning jutsu, moving his hands with the fluidity of someone who had done this a thousand times before.
Naruto, ever the eager student, nodded solemnly like some ancient sage who had just uncovered the secrets of the universe. Her fingers moved with surprising dexterity as she mirrored Jiraiya's movements. "Summoning Jutsu, dattebayo!" she cried out suddenly, startling Jiraiya with the sheer volume of her mechanical voice.
"Wait, what?!" Jiraiya jumped back, his heart nearly leaping out of his chest at her sudden outburst.
No sooner had the words left her mouth than a thick cloud of smoke exploded around them, engulfing the entire area in a thick, swirling mist. For a brief moment, there was nothing but silence. Then, a deep, booming voice echoed from within the smoke.
"Jiraiya! Why did you call me?!" the voice bellowed, shaking the ground beneath their feet.
'Fuck! I'm off!' Jiraiya thought to himself, his eyes wide with panic. Without another word, he turned tail and bolted, sprinting away as fast as his legs could carry him. He had no intention of sticking around to deal with whatever was about to happen.
Meanwhile, within the cloud of smoke, Naruto was sitting cross-legged in the most casual manner possible, still in her toad-themed boxers and vest, looking like a tiny, confused child who had accidentally wandered onto a battlefield. The sight of her sitting there, surrounded by all that chaos, was almost comical—if not completely absurd.
As the smoke began to clear, it revealed a massive, hulking figure beneath her. Naruto blinked, her sapphire eyes glowing as she took in the sight of the creature she had just summoned.
"A frog?" she muttered to herself, tilting her head in confusion. "It can talk too," she added, as if the idea of a talking frog was only mildly surprising to her at this point.
"Who the hell are you now?" the giant toad grumbled, its deep voice reverberating through the air. The creature's massive eyes glared up at Naruto with a mixture of irritation and bewilderment, as if it couldn't quite believe what it was seeing.
Naruto, never one to miss an opportunity to strike a dramatic pose, leaped to her feet. Standing atop the giant toad's head, she thrust one arm into the air and declared with as much grandeur as she could muster, "Behold! I am your new summoner, the future Hokage—Naruto Uzumaki. 'Dattebayo!'" Her limbs creaked slightly as she struck the pose, making it both awkward and endearing at the same time.
The toad, who Naruto would later learn was none other than Gamabunta, the Chief Toad, narrowed his eyes. "The Hokage, eh?" he mused, his tone skeptical.
"Yes," Naruto nodded confidently, completely missing the sarcasm in his voice. "From now onwards, you are my subordinate."
"Huh?!" Gamabunta's eyes widened in disbelief. His anger began to bubble up, his large body trembling with irritation. "Oh yeah? I'll show you where you belong! If you can stay on my head until sunset, you'll be my master. If not, you will pay me a whole pond of sake!"
Naruto, never one to back down from a challenge, smirked slightly. "Bring it on, Giant Old Frog."
"I am a TOAD!" Gamabunta roared, his voice shaking the trees around them.
"Whatever," Naruto shrugged nonchalantly, as if arguing about amphibian species was the least of her concerns. The absurdity of the situation hung in the air, but to Naruto, it was just another step on her path to becoming Hokage. 'Dattebayo!'
Twelve hours later, the moon hung high in the sky, casting a silvery glow over Konoha. Midnight had come and gone, but Gamabunta, the mighty Toad Boss, was not feeling so mighty. His colossal frame lay sprawled across the training ground, his chest heaving as he desperately tried to catch his breath. He had been hopping around like a madman for hours, trying to shake off the small, white-haired girl perched on his head. But no matter how much he jumped, twisted, or turned, the girl remained firmly in place—completely unbothered, like a stubborn piece of chewing gum stuck to a shoe.
Gamabunta's mind raced as he gasped for air. 'Minato's brat…?' he thought, wheezing as he tried to make sense of the situation. He was certain Minato had fathered a boy, so who was this girl with chakra eerily similar to his? Was he going senile? Or was this some kind of cosmic joke that he wasn't in on? One thing was for sure—this girl was no ordinary shinobi. She was a monster, a terrifying, ramen-obsessed monster.
Naruto, sitting cross-legged atop Gamabunta's massive head, was blissfully unaware of the toad's internal turmoil. She was too engrossed in her book titled, "Cooking Ramen of Every Taste!"—a true masterpiece in her opinion. As the toad struggled beneath her, Naruto hummed a little tune, flipping a page with robotic precision. Her chakra control was so flawless that she didn't even need to think about it. She had placed chakra on her butt to keep her balanced on Gamabunta's head, and that was that.
Finally, Gamabunta could take no more. His lungs felt like they were about to explode, and his pride was in tatters. "I…I give up…" he panted, his voice hoarse from the effort. "You…win…"
Naruto, hearing the toad's surrender, slowly closed her book with a snap that echoed ominously in the night air. She raised one eyebrow—a robotic movement that looked more like a mechanical malfunction than a sign of amusement—and then smirked. It wasn't a regular smirk either; it was the kind of smirk that would make you question your life choices if you were on the receiving end of it. It was sagely, yet unsettlingly doll-like, as if someone had programmed it into her.
"So, you are my subordinate now?" Naruto's voice was calm, but there was a strange mechanical edge to it, like a voice that had been recorded and played back through a slightly broken speaker.
Gamabunta, who was just about done with this nonsense, gritted his teeth. In his mind, he was already plotting what he'd do to Jiraiya the next time he saw him. 'I'll eat you alive, you pervy idiot!' he thought furiously. But his pride wouldn't let him back down entirely. "Yeah, sure…" he muttered, his tone dripping with reluctant acceptance.
Naruto, completely oblivious to the toad's inner rage, gave a satisfied nod. "Dattebayo," she declared, as if that explained everything. Without another word, she leaped down from Gamabunta's head, landing gracefully next to a tree where her frilly black dress had been neatly draped over a branch. She slipped back into her outfit, pulling on the dress with the precision of a machine and adjusting her long gloves until they were snug. Then came the high heels—click, click, click—each shoe snapping into place with military efficiency.
"You may go now," Naruto announced with the authority of a queen dismissing her servant. Gamabunta didn't need to be told twice. With a final puff of smoke, the massive toad vanished, no doubt muttering curses about Jiraiya under his breath.
For a moment, Naruto stood there, her glowing sapphire eyes reflecting the pale moonlight. She blinked slowly, her mind finally shifting from toad-related thoughts to something far more pressing. Suddenly, her eyes widened in horror as a thought struck her like a lightning bolt. "Oh shoot, my ramen collection…!" she exclaimed, her voice filled with robotic panic.
In an instant, the gravity of the situation hit her. 'Karin'—that sneaky, redheaded menace—was alone in Naruto's apartment. Naruto had left her precious ramen collection completely unguarded! What if Karin found it? What if she ate some of it? Or—Naruto's wooden body shuddered at the thought—what if Karin ate all of it?!
"This girl shall know pain," Naruto stated, her tone deadpan, but there was an undeniable sense of impending doom in her words. Without wasting another second, she bolted toward her apartment, her heels clicking furiously against the cobblestones. The night was silent, save for the rapid clacking of her heels and the occasional clattering of her wooden joints as she dashed through the village.
As she dashed through the quiet streets, the villagers who were still awake at this ungodly hour could only blink in confusion as a flash of black lace and high heels zipped past them. Naruto was on a mission, and nothing—nothing—was going to stand between her and her precious ramen. The stakes were higher than any battle she had ever faced; after all, who knew what horrors Karin could unleash upon her prized collection if left unsupervised? Naruto's mind raced as fast as her legs. Karin... that sneaky, ramen-thieving fiend! Naruto could already imagine the redhead rifling through her stash, greedily slurping down noodles as if they were going out of style. And what if she found the limited edition miso ramen? Or worse, the ultra-rare, never-to-be-released-again, seafood ramen that Naruto had been saving for a special occasion? The thought alone was enough to make her wood creak in horror.
Konoha had seen many things—wars, demons and much more
—but it had never seen anything quite like Naruto Uzumaki on a ramen-fueled rampage. As she sprinted through the village, villagers who were still awake at this ungodly hour could only watch in bewilderment as a flash of frilly black fabric, white hair, and high heels zoomed past them. Some rubbed their eyes, convinced that they were dreaming, while others decided that maybe it was time to lay off the sake.
Naruto's mission was clear: save the ramen, at all costs. And if Karin had dared to touch even a single noodle, there would be no mercy. The redhead was about to learn a hard lesson—a lesson in what happens when you mess with an android girl's ramen.
Naruto kicked the door open with the force of a hurricane, her high heels clacking dramatically against the floor as she struck a pose in the doorway. Her glowing sapphire eyes scanned the room with laser-like intensity. "On your feet, thief!" she bellowed, her voice echoing off the walls like the battle cry of a righteous warrior ready to vanquish evil.
But instead of a dastardly ramen thief caught red-handed, Naruto was greeted by an entirely different scene—one she wasn't prepared for. On the bed, tangled up in the sheets, was Karin. The redhead was wearing her pajamas, which consisted of an oversized T-shirt with a very suspicious ramen stain on it. But that wasn't the shocking part. No, the shocking part was Karin, who was wrapped around a pillow like it was her long-lost lover, rubbing her face against it in a way that was less than innocent.
"Thief?! Where?!" Karin jolted awake, her voice a mix of confusion and panic as she sat up, clutching the pillow to her chest. Her eyes were wide, her glasses askew, and her hair was a wild mess of red. She looked around the room frantically, as if expecting a band of rogue ninjas to burst in and ransack the place.
Naruto blinked. Once. Twice. Her glowing eyes dimmed momentarily as her brain tried to process what she was seeing. 'So… she wasn't eating my ramen…' Naruto thought, her shoulders visibly relaxing.
But now she was stuck in an awkward situation, having just accused Karin of a crime she didn't commit. 'Think, Naruto, think!' she panicked internally, her robotic mind whirring as it tried to come up with an excuse that wouldn't make this even weirder than it already was.
Finally, inspiration struck, and Naruto straightened up, adopting a heroic stance with one hand on her hip and the other pointed dramatically at the ceiling. "Uh…no need to fear, citizen!" she declared, her voice overly loud and filled with a confidence that she absolutely did not feel. "I am here, Dattebayo!"
Karin squinted at her, clearly trying to make sense of the situation but still too sleepy and disoriented to ask questions.
Naruto, sensing the confusion, nodded sagely. "Yes, yes, it's all under control. The, uh…thief I mentioned was just a…a 'phantom thief'!" she announced, as if she had just discovered a great mystery. "Yes, a phantom thief that lurks in the shadows of dreams, stealing…er…sleep from innocent shinobi!"
Karin blinked, clearly trying to keep up. "A…phantom thief? In my dreams?"
"Exactly!" Naruto continued, rolling with the nonsense now that she'd committed to it. "But worry not! I have, uh, neutralized the threat! No sleep shall be stolen on my watch, dattebayo!"
Karin scratched her head, still not fully awake and not entirely convinced but too tired to care. "Uh…okay?" she said, her voice trailing off as she tried to wrap her mind around what just happened.
Naruto, desperate to escape this increasingly bizarre situation, gave a curt nod. "I'll take care of everything. You, uh, just go back to sleep and…enjoy your dreams. Yes, that's right! Sweet, uninterrupted dreams, courtesy of me, Naruto Uzumaki!"
With that, and before Karin could ask any follow-up questions, Naruto turned on her heel and dashed toward the window. In one swift, overly dramatic motion, she threw it open and leaped out into the night, disappearing as quickly as she had arrived.
Karin sat there for a moment, still clutching her pillow and staring at the open window with a mixture of confusion and disbelief. She scratched the back of her head, trying to piece together what had just happened. "Phantom thief…?" she murmured to herself, shrugging after a few seconds. Whatever it was, she figured it wasn't worth losing sleep over.
She let out a yawn and stretched, feeling the remnants of sleep pulling her back into her bed. "Well, whatever," she mumbled to herself, lying back down and curling up with her pillow again. A sly grin crept onto her face as she closed her eyes, remembering the dream she had been having before the strange interruption. "Hehe…right where I left off…"
And just like that, Karin drifted back into sleep, blissfully unaware that she had just been part of one of the weirdest—and funniest—non-confrontations in the history of Konoha. Meanwhile, outside the window, Naruto was already halfway across the village, her heart pounding in her wooden chest as she tried to convince herself that she had totally handled that situation like a pro.
TBC
Author Note: I hope you liked this chapter.
Look forward to the next chapter. Drop your thoughts in the review section.
Till next time!