Android VS Zombie; Final Half

Tobirama wasted no time. His body jerked into motion, hands flying into rapid seals as the air around him seemed to ripple with an almost unnatural speed. Within moments, water began to materialize in midair, twisting and coiling like a living serpent.

"Water Style: Water Dragon Jutsu!" he roared, voice mechanical, echoing in the space.

A massive, snarling dragon made of water surged forth, its eyes glowing with cold malice as it lunged straight for Hiruzen.

The old man, despite his age, was ready. His gnarled hands grasped the staff tightly, and with a fluid motion, he extended it, letting it grow into a massive pole, large enough to block the incoming attack. "Enma, extend!"

The dragon crashed against the staff with a deafening splash, water spraying everywhere. Hiruzen, standing his ground, pushed the attack away before weaving his own hand signs.

"Fire Style: Fire Dragon Jutsu!" The moment the fire dragon burst from his mouth, it roared to life, a fiery serpent spiraling through the air, colliding head-on with Tobirama's next torrent of water. Steam exploded everywhere, creating a thick, hot mist that swirled around the battlefield, making the area around them almost impossible to see through.

But while Hiruzen and Tobirama dueled, Naruto was in a battle of her own.

Hashirama, the First Hokage, one of the most powerful shinobi to have ever lived, stood across from her, his eyes glazed over with the same lifeless black hue as his brother's. But unlike Tobirama's precision, Hashirama moved with the grace of someone trying—and failing—to resist. His body jerked awkwardly as he swung his hand in her direction, sending a barrage of wooden spikes shooting from the ground at Naruto's feet.

"Oh, come on." Naruto yelped as she clumsily leapt to the side, nearly tripping over the overly large cloak that was still hanging awkwardly around her shoulders. One of the wooden spikes grazed her leg, ripping part of the cloak and leaving a shallow cut. "Ugh, seriously?"

As she jumped and dodged, Naruto pulled the cloak tighter around her, trying to keep herself decent as Hashirama's attacks continued. It was ridiculous—dodging the First Hokage's attacks while also playing a game of "keep Naruto covered"—but somehow, she was managing. Barely.

"Hey, uh, Grandpa Hashirama, or whatever!" Naruto called, leaping out of the way of another incoming tree branch. "Any tips on becoming a super cool Hokage?"

There was a brief flicker of emotion in Hashirama's lifeless eyes, like some part of him was still in there, fighting to regain control of his body. His mouth moved slightly, but it was Orochimaru's curse keeping him from answering properly. Still, in between the mindless grunts, Naruto swore she heard him mumble, "Cool...?"

Naruto spun around, narrowly dodging a vine that shot out from the ground. "Affirmative! You were like, the first Hokage, right? Super legendary and stuff! How do I—whoa—become cool like you?"

Hashirama, clearly still fighting the control Orochimaru had over him, jerked his head in what might have been a nod. "P-protect…" he managed to stutter between attacks, his hands trembling as he formed another seal.

"Wood Style: Deep Forest Emergence!"

Trees erupted from the ground, towering and massive, filling the arena in an instant. Huge branches swooped down, aiming for Naruto, who squeaked and scrambled to keep her cloak on as she dodged and weaved through the forest.

"Protect? That's it?" Naruto yelped, narrowly avoiding being flattened by a tree trunk. "That's all you've got? I thought there'd be, like, a secret handshake or something!"

Hashirama's wooden arms swung at her again, slower this time, and Naruto could feel him holding back. She jumped out of the way, but one of the branches caught the edge of her cloak, tugging it loose.

"Oh, no." Naruto gasped, grabbing at the cloak before it completely flew off, barely managing to pull it back over her shoulders. "This is a nightmare!"

But through the chaos, she could hear Hashirama grunt, "B-be…kind…"

Naruto blinked, momentarily thrown off by his words. "Kind?"

Hashirama's wooden arm shot forward again, but this time, Naruto didn't dodge. She stood her ground, cloak flapping dramatically in the wind (though still very much a disaster of a garment). She looked at the First Hokage, really looked at him. He wasn't just throwing attacks at her. He was trying to communicate—trying to break through Orochimaru's control.

"Be kind… and protect others…" he rasped, his voice strained.

Naruto's expression softened as she dodged yet another attack, this one half-hearted. "That's it, huh? Be kind and protect everyone? Seems kinda simple, but…" She grinned, hopping back and flipping mid-air to avoid another massive tree trunk. "Sounds like it works for me. Dattebayo."

Just as she landed, however, a massive root shot up from the ground, wrapping around her leg. "Ah, come on." Naruto struggled, pulling at the root with one hand while holding the cloak around her with the other. "Stupid trees, always messing things up."

Hashirama's face twitched again, his mouth forming the faintest of smiles, as if he approved of her determination. Despite Orochimaru's control, it seemed like the old Hokage was still in there, still fighting.

Naruto, seeing this, narrowed her eyes in determination. "Okay, old man, I get it. Be kind, protect others, and stay cool." She 'grinned'. "Now it's time for me to show you how I do things. Shadow Clone Jutsu."

In an instant, dozens of Naruto clones appeared, each one clad in the same oversized cloak. Together, they all started yanking at the wooden roots and branches, freeing the original Naruto from her bind.

"Alright, old man!" Naruto shouted, finally free and holding her Rasengan-ready hand high. "Let's end this before I lose any more dignity, okay?"

Hashirama's eyes flickered one last time, almost as if he was saying, "Good luck, kid."

With all the intensity of a dramatic movie trailer, Naruto charged forward, white hair bouncing against her neck and sapphire eyes gleaming like a pair of creepy, glowing lightbulbs in a dark alley. The Rasengan in her hand spun wildly, making a strange buzzing sound that could've been mistaken for a very angry vacuum cleaner. Her face, of course, remained completely blank. Emotions? Pfft, who needs those.

"Time to kick some zombie butt," Naruto said flatly, voice lacking any sort of heroic flair. It was like she was reading off a grocery list.

Ahead of her, Hashirama Senju—the First Hokage, the absolute legend of legends—stood there, looking less like a respected leader and more like a poorly animated puppet. His face twitched in confusion as Naruto sped toward him. Was she really going to try a head-on attack?

Oh yes, yes she was.

Naruto threw her Rasengan forward, the spiraling ball of chakra flying at Hashirama with all the grace of a drunken squirrel. Sadly for her, Hashirama was not a regular opponent. He was the 'First Hokage' for crying out loud, and he wasn't about to let some white-haired weirdo take him down that easily.

With a swift motion of his hands, Hashirama slapped the ground. "Wood Style: Forest Prison!" In an instant, gigantic trees erupted from the earth, their branches snapping around Naruto like a toddler's attempt at catching a frog.

"Ah, crap," Naruto muttered, completely deadpan as she found herself trapped inside a wooden prison. The branches curled tighter, ready to crush her like a particularly stubborn walnut.

Just as things were looking grim for our weird, robotic hero, Naruto did what any self-respecting ninja would do in her situation—she summoned a toad.

With a puff of smoke, a toad appeared in front of her. But instead of the hulking, badass toad warrior she had been expecting, there was… this. A tiny, wrinkly, green toad with a cloak that looked like it had been sewn together by someone with terrible fashion sense.

Naruto blinked. "Huh?" She stared at the toad. "How can a useless old toad like you help me against the zombie Hokage?"

The toad, blinking slowly like someone who just woke up from a 10-year nap, glared up at her. "Who are you calling useless and old? And who the heck are 'you'?"

Naruto, still imprisoned by giant trees, struck what was supposed to be a dramatic pose. Too bad it was more awkward than anything. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki, your summoner slash master and the future Hokage."

The toad squinted. "Well, I'm Fukasaku, a toad elder from Mt. Myoboku. Now stop calling me old, you brat."

Naruto, still unfazed by her situation, glanced at the massive wooden walls around her. "So… can you help me against him?" She pointed lazily at Hashirama, who was getting ready to turn her into Naruto-flavored paste.

"Help you? You bet I can, kid!" Fukasaku puffed out his tiny chest (not that it made any difference to his size) and then, without missing a beat, started weaving through hand signs faster than a guy trying to order food in a busy drive-thru. "Toad Style: Blazing Oil!"

Suddenly, the tiny toad spit a stream of oil from his mouth, and with a loud 'boom', the wooden prison around Naruto burst open like a cheap piñata at a birthday party. Pieces of wood flew everywhere.

"Cool," Naruto remarked, still completely monotone, as if she had just seen someone casually juggle a couple of apples. She blinked slowly, her face showing exactly zero excitement.

Fukasaku hopped onto her shoulders, making himself at home. "I can sense it in you, kid. Natural Energy is flowin' through ya."

"The what now?" Naruto blinked again, lazily dodging one of Hashirama's wild attacks. Her oversized cloak flapped dramatically in the wind, momentarily revealing her pale skin in a way that made Fukasaku cringe.

"Focus on the energy around you!" Fukasaku urged, sounding like a martial arts master from one of those old cheesy movies. "You should be a natural at this, considering how weird you are!"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Naruto muttered, flipping backward to avoid another of Hashirama's tree attacks. "But I guess I should level up my coolness." Because, clearly, she was 'all' about being cool.

Naruto closed her eyes, hopping backward, and tried to focus. For a moment, everything seemed calm… until she felt something strange. It was like the air around her was suddenly alive, buzzing with energy. It wasn't like chakra; it was more… earthy. Or maybe leafy? It was weird, whatever it was.

Fukasaku, perched on her shoulders like a tiny, angry bird, gasped. His tiny amphibian eyes widened as he saw black markings slowly snake their way around Naruto's eyes. They looked eerily similar to a certain Hokage's own sage form.

"Kid… what the heck? You've gone full Sage Mode!" Fukasaku's voice quivered with shock. "You've surpassed all the sages from the past! Second only to the Sage of the Six Paths!"

Naruto blinked her now gleaming jade eyes, with a horizontal slit running through them. "Oooh," she muttered in her usual flat tone. "I feel amazing. Dattebayo." She flexed her muscles, causing her cloak to fall open a bit, revealing more of her pale skin— her small frame chest, nipples and more. Fukasaku sighed in exasperation and quickly weaved through hand signs, summoning a red cloak with black flame designs that appeared over her.

Naruto blinked again. "Time to kick some zombie butt. Dattebayo." She attempted what she probably thought was a smirk but looked more like a stiff-lipped grimace.

Fukasaku hopped down from her shoulders, shaking his head in disbelief. "All right, Naruto girl. Go for it."

With an emotionless nod, Naruto turned back to the battlefield. "Sage Art: Wind Release: Gale Palm!" she announced in a voice that sounded about as enthusiastic as someone ordering takeout.

The wind from Naruto's 'Sage Art: Wind Release: Gale Palm' whipped through the battlefield, slicing towards Hashirama like an invisible buzzsaw. But of course, Hashirama wasn't called the First Hokage for nothing. With a casual flick of his hand, massive wooden walls shot up from the ground, shielding him like a dude who just realized he forgot his umbrella in the middle of a storm.

The wooden walls creaked and groaned under the pressure of Naruto's attack, but they held strong. Hashirama peeked over the edge of his wood creation, clearly unfazed. "Nice try," he muttered under his breath, brushing imaginary dust off his ancient Hokage robes, his reanimated face a mix of calm and 'annoyingly' superior.

Naruto blinked, staring at him with her wide, expressionless eyes. "Tch," she muttered in her signature flat tone, her white hair shimmering like some kind of futuristic ghost. With her sage mode activated, Naruto was more of a flash than anything else, darting around so quickly her white hair and red cloak made her look like some creepy phantom ninja... if phantoms had really good fashion sense.

Hashirama fired off more attacks—more giant trees, some extra sharp branches, a leaf or two for good measure—but Naruto was already gone, dodging everything with creepy precision. Her white hair flowed behind her, catching the light in a way that made her look like she was gliding, and that bright red sage cloak made her look like the weirdest, coolest blur ever. Meanwhile, her cloak only covered her torso and butt, leaving her limbs exposed, her creamy white skin causing several shinobi nearby to lose focus. And nosebleed.

"What the—" one of them muttered, mid-battle, almost dropping his kunai. "Did you see that?!"

Naruto's eyes narrowed—or, well, she 'tried' to narrow them, but her expression remained pretty much the same as always. "Stop staring, perverts," she said, her monotone voice somehow managing to sound both annoyed and robotic. Her face flushed with... ink? Yeah, that's right. Her face didn't blush—it kind of just smeared with black ink-like blotches as she awkwardly covered herself.

Before anyone could respond, Naruto raised her hands in the air. "Sage Art: Super Massive Rasengan!" Her voice remained as emotionless as ever, despite the massive golden chakra sphere that suddenly appeared above her head, swirling like a mini sun. She hurled it at Hashirama, the Rasengan crashing into him like a cannonball made of pure destruction. Hashirama's body disintegrated into a fine mist of dust and splinters.

For a moment, Naruto just stood there, blinking. "Huh," she said, sounding less impressed and more like someone who'd just successfully flipped a pancake for the first time.

But before she could revel in her creepy victory, Hashirama's body started reforming, bit by bit, from the scattered dust. "Oh great," Naruto mumbled flatly. "Here we go again."

From across the battlefield, Hiruzen—busy dealing with Tobirama while his ANBU squad darted around like ninja ants—yelled out, "Naruto! Defeating them is pointless! They'll just keep regenerating! We need to defeat Orochimaru!"

Naruto blinked, her head tilting slightly to the side like a confused puppy. "Who?"

A loud, irritated voice echoed across the battlefield. "Do you not even know my name?!" Orochimaru screeched, still holding a hand sign, his snake-like face contorting in outrage.

Naruto turned toward him. "Oh, you," she said, her voice flat and unimpressed as ever. Without another word, she disappeared in a blur, reappearing right in front of the snake Sannin so fast that Orochimaru's eyes bulged in shock.

Before Orochimaru could react, Naruto shoved a golden Rasengan—infused with natural energy—right up his 'you-know-where'.

Orochimaru's eyes widened, his whole body trembling. "W-what the—AGH!" He screamed, his usual creepy tone replaced by sheer agony. The force of the Rasengan effectively crippled him, and the hand sign he had been holding so confidently broke apart. His control over Hashirama and Tobirama began to crumble.

Tobirama, taking full advantage of Orochimaru's sudden... discomfort, weaved through a rapid series of hand signs, muttering something under his breath before finally breaking free from Orochimaru's control. Hashirama followed suit, their undead, puppet-like expressions slowly returning to their natural, more dignified selves.

Meanwhile, Orochimaru was still clutching his butt, his face twisted in pure agony. "Curse you, Uzumaki!" he shrieked, struggling to form a new hand sign with shaky fingers. "This isn't over—"

But before he could finish his dramatic villain monologue, Naruto—still as robotic as ever—shoved another Rasengan into his hands, causing his arms to disintegrate into nothingness.

Orochimaru's scream could probably be heard from the Hidden Sand Village. With one final, agonized yell as he disappeared in a poof of smoke.

Naruto blinked, staring at the empty space where Orochimaru had been. "Huh," she muttered, clearly not impressed. Then, in true Naruto fashion, she struck a dramatic pose. Her cloak flowed behind her like a hero out of a comic book, showcasing her creamy legs, exposed belly, and even a glimpse of her butt. "I'll be ready, dattebayo."

Just as she finished her dramatic proclamation, her sage mode began to fade, and with it, Fukasaku—the tiny, wrinkly toad elder—disappeared as well. Along with him, Naruto's bright red cloak evaporated into thin air.

Which would have been totally fine, if Naruto had been wearing... literally anything underneath.

But she wasn't.

Naruto blinked. Then she blinked again, staring down at her body, realizing with all the subtlety of a frying pan to the face that she was now standing completely, utterly, butt-naked. Again.

There was a moment of silence. A long, awkward moment where no one moved, no one spoke. And then, finally, Naruto—expression still blank as ever—opened her mouth.

And screamed. Robotically.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH."

Her scream was more like a monotone siren than an actual scream. It sounded almost mechanical, as if she had a button inside her that just said "scream" and someone had pressed it.

Hiruzen, still tired from his fight with Tobirama, finally sighed, rubbing his temples. "Can someone please get her some proper attire?" His voice was heavy with the kind of exhaustion only a lifelong career in leadership could bring. "Her form is… distracting."

Û~Û

Naruto, now standing perfectly still in the Hokage's office, looked… bizarrely elegant. Her neck-length white hair gleamed under the dim lights, and her glowing sapphire eyes stared straight ahead, like someone who had only read about the concept of blinking in a manual and decided it wasn't for her. She wore a frilly black dress that would've been right at home at a fancy ball—if that ball also involved hand-to-hand combat. The dress hugged her in all the right places, the long black gloves adding to her mysteriously robotic aura. And the black high heels? Yeah, those too. They clicked ominously on the wooden floor every time she shifted, which was never.

In front of her stood Hiruzen, the Third Hokage, looking more tired than usual. Beside him, the reanimated First and Second Hokages, Hashirama and Tobirama, were just chilling like this was a casual reunion and not, you know, a 'super unnatural' revival from the dead. Around them stood a handful of ANBU, the two elderly advisors, a bandaged old guy with enough red flags on him to be mistaken for a walking danger zone (yep, Danzo), and a few Jounin.

The atmosphere? Awkward. Like, seriously, you could've cut the tension with a kunai and served it for breakfast.

"So," Hiruzen began, rubbing his temples like he was about to dive into a migraine. "Orochimaru attacked the village with the help of the Sand. But the Sand didn't know they were being used, and now they owe us big time for not going to war with them."

Naruto stood motionless, her robotic expression unchanging. "Understood," she said flatly, like she was processing data instead of absorbing the information.

Hashirama, always the cheerful one, smiled. "Well, Hiruzen, you've done enough for this village. Seriously, you need a break. Maybe take up knitting or something."

Tobirama nodded, albeit less enthusiastically. "You've served long enough. You should step down."

Just then, the walking bundle of bad news—Danzo—decided to chirp in. "Well, if anyone's going to be the next Hokage, it should be me—"

Everyone, and I mean 'everyone', ignored him. It was like watching someone yell into a black hole and getting nothing back but silence.

Hiruzen, clearly on autopilot at this point, turned to Jiraiya, who was leaning casually against a wall. "Jiraiya, what do you think? How about you become the next Hokage?"

Jiraiya waved his hand dismissively. "Eh, no thanks. I've got research to do. Spy networks to maintain. Also, you know, the ladies." He wiggled his eyebrows. "Priorities."

Hiruzen sighed, the lines on his face deepening. "Then who?"

Danzo coughed again. Louder this time. Like he was trying to hack up an entire paragraph of self-promotion.

"Kakashi?" Asuma, who was standing by the Hatake, offered.

"Ma, ma," Kakashi muttered. "I am no Hokage material."

"Then, who?" One of the advisors asked.

Danzo coughed, but was ignored again.

Naruto, ever so robotically, raised her hand. "Isn't the choice obvious?"

Everyone turned to her.

With her usual eerie lack of expression, she straightened her back and proudly stated, "I defeated Zabuza and Haku. I kicked the reptilic butt of Orochimaru. I was cool. Really cool." Her sapphire eyes blinked exactly once, as if she'd practiced the timing. "In fact, I recall many kunoichi asking what kind of body lotion and soap I use." She gestured vaguely to her own creamy skin and 'killer figure'—the same one everyone had seen in its full, unclothed glory in the fight earlier. "It's an excellent body. Creamy, flawless, perfect. And everyone saw it... yikes."

Hashirama clapped his hands together, laughing heartily. "She's fun! Strong, too! Great sense of humor! And her Will of Fire is burning bright! She's Hokage material."

Tobirama, ever the party pooper, scowled. "No. She's still too immature."

Naruto's head snapped toward him with the speed of a poorly programmed AI. Her pout was more like a glitch in her usually static expression. "You're just being grumpy because you don't know how to have fun."

Tobirama folded his arms. "No, I'm being 'realistic.' 2B—I mean, you—were literally made to destroy all Uchiha if necessary. You can take down nations alone. But leading a village? That's another matter entirely."

Naruto tilted her head, her white hair barely moving with her robotic precision. "How foolish can you be?" she droned, her voice somehow managing to convey absolute boredom and mockery at the same time. "You think I can destroy nations but can't handle paperwork? Paperwork is just dead trees! And I 'destroy' trees. See the logic?"

Tobirama narrowed his eyes, unamused. "The village doesn't need a tree destroyer, it needs a leader who can make smart decisions."

Naruto's head tilted to the other side. "Smart? You think wearing that many layers of armor is smart? How many kunai do you think that's gonna stop? Two? Maybe three, tops."

Tobirama's eye twitched.

Danzo coughed again, this time sounding like he was trying to summon a lung. But, once again, no one paid him any heed.

Finally, Kakashi, who had been observing silently (probably trying to figure out how this entire scene got so bizarre so fast), spoke up. "What about Lady Tsunade? She's strong, a medical genius, and a Senju."

The two reanimated brothers blinked.

"No," they both said in unison.

"Why not?" Kakashi asked, his one visible eye narrowing.

Hashirama sighed dramatically. "She's… a gambler," he said, as if that alone explained the downfall of civilizations.

Tobirama nodded. "A Senju is always the best choice… but 'not' that one. But… I recommend her to be the next Hokage if there is no other candidates are available."

Suddenly, Tobirama walked over to Naruto, who stood there, blinking in confusion (or maybe just blinking because she could). He knelt down in front of her.

The room collectively gasped.

Naruto stared down at him, unflinching. "Are you about to propose? Because I need at least three rings. For date, I prefer Ichiraku's. Although, I am unsure about dating an old undead man."

Ignoring her comment, Tobirama lifted the hem of her skirt, revealing her toad boxers—prompting even louder gasps from everyone else. Naruto blinked in her typical dead-eyed way.

But Tobirama, being the least perverted person in this equation, wasn't about to do anything weird. He weaved through a series of complex hand signs, and with a shout of, "Seal!" a strange energy washed over Naruto.

Her eyes widened slightly—just slightly—as she felt a rush of power surge through her. "Huh. I feel awesome," she said in her flat tone. "Like I can finally 'level up' properly."

"I've released the AI limitations over you," Tobirama said, standing up and dusting off his hands. "Now you can level up like an actual human."

Naruto blinked once. "Thanks," she said awkwardly, clearly unsure how to handle the whole 'gratitude' thing.

Hashirama laughed again, clapping Naruto on the back with enough force to send a normal human through a wall. "I wish you the best of luck, Naruto! You're gonna be an even greater shinobi than me!"

Naruto nodded sagely. "Cool."

With that, Tobirama weaved through more hand signs, and the two reanimated Hokages began to dissolve into golden dust, disappearing back to wherever the dead go when they're done hanging out.

Naruto cocked her head. "What now?"

Hiruzen finally stood, his voice authoritative again as he tossed a flak jacket to Naruto. "Jounin Naruto Uzumaki, you are to accompany Jiraiya on a mission to retrieve Tsunade Senju and bring her back to the village, unharmed. This is an S-rank mission. Failure is not an option."

Naruto caught the jacket, staring at it with her usual blank expression. "Huh. I'm a Jounin now?" She 'grinned,' though it looked more like she was awkwardly practicing facial expressions. "An S-rank mission too? Awesome. Dattebayo."

Û~Û

Author Note: So, a late chapter, sorry. Actually, I was bedridden plus hospitalized for days. Dengue Fever— 105 degrees.

Yay. I am a veteran patient now.

Anyways, Naruto is now a Jounin. The AI, 'Bitch' is fixed now, when Naruto learns a skill and it stays with her. Orochimaru is alive but has 'butt medical complications' and has his hands missing.

I hope you liked this chapter.

Next chapter: Tsunade Arc Begins! Introducing Akatsuki officially!

A question: In the 'Document Manager', it says my 200 document limit is finished. They are telling me to delete some documents. But I have almost no unnecessary documents. Thus, how will deleting an already used document effect the story? Do tell please.

Till next time!