Chapter 18 – Retracing Steps

Esme and Nelle were sitting in Nelle's living room, watching Ace play happily. Esme's eyes hurt from spending most of the day crying. She was used to things not going her way, but this was a new low. Never in her life had she felt more hopeless.

Esme: So this is what I've been reduced to; a struggling single mom with no home, no job, very little money left to support myself let alone a screaming baby…

*She looks at Ace and notices the adorable smile on his little face while he plays*

Esme: And everybody says that they care about Ace, yet they're trying to take him away from his mother, all because both of my parents are serial killers. My mom even admitted to being the Hook Killer. Not to mention that even after Nikolas locked me in the tower, the murders didn't stop. Isn't that enough to exonerate me? I'm pretty sure what they did is illegal. You know, I've thought about talking to a lawyer about this, but then I remember that Alexis used to be a lawyer, and the best lawyer in Port Charles happens to be her former colleague, whom she's still very good friends with.

I don't understand why Alexis just...fired me! Yes, I overdosed and was in a coma, and was gone for a lot longer than I told her I would be, and I understand why she needed to find a replacement, but she seemed to not care about me at all! She said that she cares about Ace, and she knows I'm with an organization that will provide me with drug counseling services even though I don't need it! And even if I did need drug counseling, I would think she'd be more compassionate! She was an alcoholic! But it really seemed like she wants to take Ace away from me!

Nelle: Esme, you seem to be forgetting that Alexis Davis is a Cassadine. You know how the Cassadines are. She may have changed her name but the Cassadine blood runs through her veins. Unfortunately, Cassadines will go to any length to protect their offspring, even if it means separating a baby from his mother.

Esme: *Sigh* You're right. I know Alexis changed her name and gave up her royal title, but she's still going to side with her family. Not only are they rich and powerful, but Helena Cassadine was one of the most evil people who has ever lived, and most of the clan isn't that much better. Still though, firing me knowing that I'd only just returned from being hospitalized after I overdosed on a drug I didn't even know was so horribly addictive is something I'd never thought she'd do, given that she's struggled with addiction herself. I'm convinced that Carly must have paid her to fire me! The one thing both of them said was that they trust that Ace is in good hands with you. And I'm glad that they recognize that I'm getting help, but at some point I need to be able to get back on my feet, get a job, get a place of my own, and be a mother to my son. Ace needs his mom, but they both seemed determined to take him away from me!

Nelle: I wouldn't be surprised if Carly somehow convinced Alexis to fire you in order for you to not be able to pay rent, so that she'd have a reason to kick you to the curb. I think you made the right choice by leaving, even after you were able to give her the money. I've told you all about my lifelong hatred for that woman. That's why I came to Port Charles in the first place; to get back at her for leaving me with our scummy adoptive father and later purchasing my kidney that he had sold to give to Joss. And of course she was married to Sonny for so many years. Why that man has so much influence in this town is beyond me.

Esme: I was terrified of Sonny when I first encountered him. You know he kidnapped me once. Well, he wasn't the one who actually kidnapped me, but he had one of his men grab me and stuff me in the backseat of a car, and took me to that Italian restaurant that I now know isn't a restaurant. Sonny then chewed me out about the revenge porn video. I suppose I deserved it, but having me kidnapped was a bit much considering that bodyguard of his was so much bigger than me and could've seriously hurt me!

Nelle: That's what Sonny does, unfortunately. He doesn't have to rough people up in order to prove a point, but he does so anyway. I don't think he realizes that not everybody whom he encounters is involved with the mob. But, like I said, he has a lot of influence in this town. But he can be charitable when he wants to be.

Esme: I remember now why he kidnapped me. He was wanting me to admit to making the revenge porn video. Maybe I should go back to him and admit to doing it, even though I still can't remember why. There must have been some reason why I hated Joss, Cam, and Trina so much that I wanted to ruin their lives that I don't think had anything to do with Spence laying eyes on another girl. I mean yeah, I was a bit jealous when I first heard them talking to each other, but people get jealous, especially if the spark in their relationship starts to fizzle out.

Looking back, I think Spence's determination to punish his father was distracting him from what we had. I know in the beginning, I was dating him because my father made me, but I eventually developed genuine feelings for him. But it still doesn't excuse what I did to Trina. I wish I could remember why I resorted to doing what I did, and it frustrates me that, even after almost dying from ODing on those pills, I still don't remember.

Nelle: You remember some of it though?

Esme: Not as vividly as I remember the other stuff. I remember we were at a cabin, and I remember hiding a phone in one of the bedrooms, but when I think about it, it feels like I was in a trance. I can't remember anything about what I was thinking or feeling, or what we had been doing the rest of the time. I think we played a game of "Never Have I Ever" but I don't remember what we revealed during the game.

Nelle: Do you want to remember?

Esme: Yes, I do, as otherwise I can't take responsibility for what I did. Although even if I did, would it even be worth it? Nobody in this town outside of our group seems to want anything to do with me. I just got fired from the Invader and I don't think anybody will want to hire me.

Nelle: That's not true.

Esme: Really? I don't know Nelle. If push comes to shove, I'd be willing to flip burgers or clean toilets for a living, but I literally just moved out of Bobbie's which would be the ideal place to do that kind of work, and I'm pretty sure Carly has put it out to all the other businesses to not hire me now that I have my memory back.

Nelle: Yeah, unfortunately I wouldn't put it past Carly to do that. I'm sure you'll be able to get another job. There are organizations out there whose mission is to help people in your situation find jobs.

Esme: I hope so, because what I did was pretty awful.

Nelle: There still are people who will be able to help you, and there are other means of supporting yourself as well. Didn't you say you had a trust fund?

Esme: I do, but I'm not able to access it until I'm 25, and given everything I've done, I'm not sure if I'll be able to access it at all.

Nelle: I'm sure if you met with the right lawyer, they'll be able to pull a few strings, and there are plenty of lawyers who would be willing to represent you.

Esme: I hope so.

Nelle: And of course you can always stay with me. You and Ace are always welcome here.

Esme: For how long?

Nelle: As long as I'm around.

Esme: You really mean that?

Nelle: I do. I enjoy having you around to talk to, and I adore Ace!

Esme: Hehe! what's not to adore about him?

*She looks lovingly at her son, and notices that he seems happier than ever.*

Nelle: He can brighten anybody's day! But really though, you don't have anything to worry about. I think it's a good thing that you want to make peace with Trina, Joss, and Cam, but you should do so because you want to, not out of obligation. If anything, it will show people the type of person you really are. I've found through my own experiences that people really don't take you seriously if you are forced to make amends with someone when you don't actually want to. I see it all the time with the kids at the daycare. One kid will call another kid a mean name, the other kid will come crying to the nearest adult, the adult will scold the first kid and make them apologize, but usually they'll give a very insincere 'Sorry,' which is more to make the adult happy rather than the other kid. If they truly are sorry, they usually will apologize without being told to do so.

Esme: I know. I don't want to be the kid who is being forced to apologize. I do want to apologize, but I want my apology to be genuine, and in order for it to be so, I need to remember what was going through my head when I did all those horrible things. A while back you told me that you could help me remember, but I needed to do the work myself.

Nelle: Yes. And I also told you that it will be easier than you think, if you do indeed want to remember.

Esme: Yes, I do. So what should I do first?

Nelle: Well, you could try retracing your steps.

Esme: Retrace my steps?

Nelle: Yes.

Esme: How can I do that if I don't remember where I stepped in the first place?

Nelle: Well, you obviously were able to find somebody who was able to give you a black-market phone exactly like the one Trina had.

Esme: Oz Haggerty. But he's dead though. The Hook, aka my mother, killed him. It happened at the pier and I actually was there when they were taking his body away.

Nelle: Retracing your steps isn't the same thing as talking to a dead man.

Esme: But he'd be the one to remind me of the reason I gave him for wanting that phone, or if I offered anything in exchange for it.

Nelle: You might be able to remember those things simply by going to the place where you initially encountered Oz Haggerty.

THE NEXT DAY

Esme did remember where she initially encountered Oz Haggerty, but she had her doubts about whether going back there was a good idea. It wasn't exactly the type of establishment a young single mother looking to make better choices with her life would frequent. In fact, she didn't feel like it was a safe place in general, yet she must have been so desperate to ruin people's lives back then that she was willing to risk her own life by going there, and since she was so desperate for answers, she decided it was a risk worth taking again. Hoping to blend in at least somewhat with the usual clientele, she threw on an old Metallica shirt that Spencer had given her years ago and headed down to the Highsider.

Upon entering the seedy bar, the stench of stale booze, old cigarette smoke, and musty leather immediately filled her nostrils. And now she knew why people said that smells were linked to memories, as she recalled that same smell the first time she was there. She remembered how she had worn her bright pink, floral top, which stood out sharply from the dark clothes worn by all the old bikers who were staring at her as she made her way over to the bar which made her feel quite uncomfortable, tried to not let it get to her, as she was prepared to do whatever it took to get the bartender, Oz, to hand over the phone.

This time however, hardly anybody seemed to pay any attention to her, other than the bouncer who asked for her ID, who either didn't recognize either her face or her name or was simply making sure that she was over 21. This triggered another memory of when she attempted to purchase a drink at the Savoy using a fake ID, and the bartender had alerted Curtis Ashford, who made her leave. The bouncer handed back her ID and didn't say anything that made her think she was unwelcome.

She looked around. The place looked exactly as she remembered, and she wasn't at all surprised to see that most of the people there were middle-aged bikers, mostly men. None of the faces looked familiar, and it seemed that none of them noticed her coming in, as they were all talking loudly to each other. But then, she noticed a much younger-looking man sitting at the bar, who was looking in her direction. His face was partially obscured by a mane of long, dark, wavy hair, so she couldn't see his face all that well. Was he looking at her? Did he know who she was? She hesitated for a moment, then made her way over to the bar.

The bartender, like the bouncer, either didn't recognize her, or didn't care, but he didn't strike her as an especially friendly person, drying off glasses with a dirty-looking cloth.

Bartender: What do you want?

Esme: A beer, I guess.

Bartender: What kind of beer?

Esme: Whichever one is the least expensive.

Bartender: Bottle or tap?

Esme: *looks at the dirty rag the bartender is using to clean the glasses* Bottle please.

*The bartender slams a bottle of beer in front of Esme and removes the cap. Esme takes a sip and finds the flavor absolutely repulsive!*

Esme: Ugh! Oh god that's nasty!

Man's voice: Well, what do you expect? You got the least expensive beer!

*Esme looks over at the long-haired man, realizing that he was the one who just spoke. He too is drinking a bottle of beer, though there is also a tiny, bright green bottle next to him.*

Man: Another fire wine please.

Bartender: You really like that stuff huh?

Man: Oh this one's for her.

*The bartender places an identical tiny green bottle in front of Esme.*

Man: Not exactly a spoonful of sugar, but it'll help the beer go down.

*She looks more closely at the bottle. It has a black label on it which, combined with the bright green color, makes it appear as if it contains poison.*

Esme: What is this stuff?

Man: Brennivín. Also known as the Black Death.

Esme: Black Death?

Man: Yup. Imported from Iceland.

Bartender: Yeah right, "imported", by your dearly-departed friend Oz Haggerty. You might as well buy the rest of the supply, since you're the only one who drinks it, and I don't intend to "import" it anymore since Haggerty is dead.

Man: Well then you'll lose me as a customer. I only come here whenever I'm in town because the Highsider is known for their Brennivín Berjasts.

Bartender: Which we're not proud of. Also, you're the only one who refers to them by that name, so nobody knows what the hell you're talking about.

Man: All the more reason to continue referring to them as the Brennivín Berjast. Like it or not, it's what the Highsider is known for.

Esme: Why is it called the Black Death?

Man: That's what the Icelanders used to call it to limit demand. But of course, it had the opposite effect.

Esme: Okay?

Man: Go on, drink it! It's not actually going to kill you.

*Esme hesitates for a moment, then takes another sip of the vile beer, twists the cap off the tiny green bottle of Brennivín, and empties the contents into her mouth. She finds the flavor only slightly more tolerable than the beer; it tastes strongly of caraway.*

Man: You like it?

Esme: It's okay I guess. But what's a Brennivín Berjast?

Man: Stick around for a few more minutes and find out.

Esme: Okay…?

Man: You're Esme Prince, aren't you?

Esme: I'm sorry, have we met before?

Man: No, but I know you're the reason that Oz Haggerty is dead.

Esme: I-I didn't kill him!

Man: I never said you were the one who killed him, but I know your mother was the Hook Killer, and she was the one who killed him. And I know your father was also a serial killer.

Esme: Uh, how do you know all this?

Man: Because it was on the news.

Esme: Oh, right.

Man: Don't worry, I'm not judging you for it. My grandfather's a serial killer.

Esme: Your…grandfather?

Man: Yep. It's more common than you think, having people in your family who do these things, and my family is full of people like that. At the end of the day, you can't choose your relatives. Only thing you can do is ether allow them to be in your life, or cut them out. And as for Haggerty, I'm glad he's dead. It means I can start coming here again without him pestering me to be a go-between for him and my father.

*He pushes his hair back so isn't in front of his face. Esme notices that he appears to be around her age, with dark, somewhat deep-set eyes, and a chiselled face with a dimple on his chin. If it wasn't for the vibe that he gave off by trying to act edgy and mysterious as a means of masking his obvious insecurity, she might have thought he was handsome. He spoke somewhat slowly in a smooth, deep voice.*

Esme: Um, what's your name?

Man: They call me Slade.

Esme: Okay…?

*She notices that Slade is looking at her shirt*

Slade: You like Metallica, huh?

Esme: They're okay. I like a few of their songs, but they're a bit too heavy for me. My ex-boyfriend used to listen to them. He's the one who gave me this shirt.

Slade: I see.

Esme: Do you like Metallica?

Slade: They're okay. I like a few of their songs, but they're a bit too mainstream for me. My old bandmates were really into them. We played some of their songs at our practices.

Esme: So you're a musician?

Slade: Yup. Got a gig tomorrow night with my current band at a place called the Savoy. Have you ever been there?

Esme: *remembering once again trying to purchase alcohol with a fake ID, and Curtis stopping her* Yes I have.

Slade: I've never been there before, but from the looks of it, it doesn't seem like a place I'd go by myself. Too mainstream. But those are the sacrifices one must make if you're trying to earn a living solely as a musician. Not everyone gets to be a famous rockstar. Gotta take the gigs that are offered to you.

Esme: Do you want to be a famous rockstar?

Slade: No. I enjoy music, but I prefer to stay out of the limelight given the things my family is known for.

Esme: You mean with your grandfather being a serial killer?

Slade: Yeah. And I made the mistake of seeking him out due to what happened with my father.

Esme: What happened with your father?

Slade: Let's just say that what happened in Vegas should've stayed in Vegas. My father was constantly tied up in heated disputes with the people he associated with, some of which put our family in danger. At one point we believed he had been killed, though he was actually in a coma in some clinic. We eventually found him and brought him home.

*Esme is reminded of what Leora has told her about her growing up in a clinic while her family believed her to be dead, as well as Nikolas allowing Spencer to believe he was dead for three years.*

Esme: Was it a happy reunion?

Slade: Yes and no. We were very happy to have him back. My mom especially. Unfortunately, he still was involved in his shady business deals, associating with people like Haggerty and Selina Wu, among others. My mom had put up with it for several years, but finally had enough and divorced him. This took a huge toll on her health as she really loved him, but he chose his business over her. She had a heart condition and the divorce made it worse. Since then, I went low-contact with my father, only seeing him occasionally for holidays.

*He takes a sip of his beer, then twists off the cap of his bottle of Brennivín and downs it.*

Slade: And then one day I was visiting my half-brother at his father's house. We have the same mother but different fathers, though our fathers knew each other. Long, complicated mess that I won't get into. Anyways, his sister told me that she discovered that the man who raised me wasn't actually my father. Apparently, my biological father had been named after his own father. I decided it was time for me to cut ties with the man who raised me. I did one of those 23andMe DNA tests to see if I could find any relatives on my biological father's side, and I discovered that I had another, much older half-brother who lives in the UK. I flew out to the UK to meet him. When I told him who I was, he said that I had my information about my father all wrong, and that he didn't want to have anything to do with me or the rest of my family, since my father refused to acknowledge him as his son. He said that our father was dead to him, and that he was dead to our father. However, he did tell me where my grandfather was, and if I really wanted the information I was looking for, I could talk to him, but warned me that it was a bad idea. But I didn't listen.

I flew back to the States and went to visit my grandfather in prison, and told him who I was. At first he didn't seem to want to get to know me, and he said the same thing that my newly-found brother said; I had my information all wrong and my father, his son, was dead to him. I was a little confused, but then he explained that the man who had raised me was my biological father after all, but he had changed his name to the name I knew him by and wanted nothing to do with my grandfather. So I told my grandfather that I was there to make it up to him. And that's when I made the worst decision I've ever made by helping him escape from prison. It was easy, as he had been fooling everyone at the prison into thinking he was paralyzed after being shot and wasn't able to walk, when in fact he could walk and had been faking his paralysis for years.

*Esme is reminded of everything she had been through with Ryan.*

Slade: All I had to do was steal a guard's uniform and a set of keys, unlock a few doors, and wheel dear old Grandpa outside. Once we were out, he immediately got up and ran off. For an old man who hadn't used his legs in years, he was quite fast. Didn't even bother thanking me or saying goodbye. And it was then I realized my horrible mistake. He never wanted to bond with me at all, he just wanted to get out of there, and used me as a means of doing so. By the time I learned the extent of the horrible things my grandfather had done that got him put away, it was too late. He already had begun another killing spree.

The first person he killed after he escaped was a young woman who was an art teacher at a boarding school in the town where I grew up. She had been struggling with PTSD as a result of being under the care of some mysterious guardian whom she never actually met. My grandfather tried to justify killing her by saying he was doing her a favor by ending her suffering. I of course felt extremely guilty and blamed myself for what happened to her. And then I did something else that I'm also not proud of, but I did it in order to apprehend my grandfather and get him thrown back in the slammer.

Esme: What happened?

Slade: I learned that he was planning to kill my cousin. He was going to do it to posthumously punish my deceased uncle for what he had done when he was alive, even though what my grandfather was doing was just as horrible. My grandfather hated my uncle and had abused him when he was a child, and that's why my uncle turned out the way he did. He was just as much of a monster as my grandfather, albeit for different reasons. But I was close to my cousin. She's a very kind, compassionate woman, nothing like my uncle. So that makes what I did even more horrible.

Esme: What did you do, if you don't mind me asking?

Slade: I set a trap. I called my cousin and told her I wanted to meet up with her, so we made plans to do so. I then called my grandfather and told her where she was going to be. He made his way over there by himself, and I secretly followed him. He was about to attack her when I tackled him to the ground and knocked him out. I brought along some zip-ties which I used to bind both his arms and legs. Then I called the police, told them I apprehended a fugitive, and they told me I was a hero for doing so. They never knew that I was the one who helped him escape in the first place. I was VERY lucky as I could've been put away for a very long time for aiding and abetting a serial killer.

Esme: Wow!

Slade: I know. It's something I'm not proud of at all.

Esme: Well, it sounds like the outcome was good though. You helped put him back in prison, where he belongs.

Slade: Yeah but I was the one who helped him escape in the first place. But I equally regret the way I went about helping put him back in prison. You see, my cousin wasn't in on the fact that I was setting this trap. She thought I genuinely wanted to meet up with her, as it had been over a year since we last saw each other and she was looking forward to seeing me. Had I waited just second longer, it would've been too late. He would've injected her with the drug that he used to kill all his other victims. The whole thing understandably was very frightening for her. She was furious with me, and I deserved it. I didn't expect her to forgive me, but she eventually did. My aunt, her mother, was just as furious with me as my cousin was, but she eventually forgave me as well. That's the kind of people they are.

Still, I feel guilty about everything and feel that I don't deserve their forgiveness. All I did was put my family in danger due to my selfishness, and my anger towards my father. So I have sort of drifted away from everyone. Not completely, I still see them at various family gatherings, but otherwise I don't talk to them very much. Entirely my choice, since I know, deep down, they think I'm just as bad as my grandfather, since I sought him out. Anyways, that's my story, in a nutshell. I've probably said too much.

Esme: Wow! That's…wow.

Slade: I know. I'm just glad I put a stop to it before I caused irreparable damage.

Esme: *sigh* At least you were able to do that. It took me losing my memory to see what a monster my father was. My father was a master manipulator who took advantage of me in so many ways. He made so many promises of a better life for both of us when he got out of prison. Looking back, I should've known that there was no way in hell of him ever being released. That's what I get for being young and naïve. The only thing he did for me was helping me get into a prestigious boarding school in France, where I met my now ex-boyfriend. I didn't love him at first though. I was dating him because my father was using me to get to his stepmother, whom he was obsessed with. I did eventually grow to love him though, but he left me for another woman. And that's when my father…I guess you could say he pimped me out. He told me to "make myself more likeable", and I went along with it. I slept with my boyfriend's father, and got pregnant with his son. I love my son but I feel so gross about sleeping with his father. And again, I was blind to my father taking advantage of and manipulating me.

Slade: You said you went along with it because he promised you a better life?

Esme: Yeah. At least from what I can recall. I'm mostly recovered from my amnesia, but there are still a few things I can't remember. My father was obsessed with my ex-boyfriend's stepmother, and the life he promised me once he got out of prison included breaking up their marriage so that she could be with him, which was the reason why he made me…you know. I've never liked her though, and I still don't. Had my father succeeded in getting out of prison, and getting everything he wanted, I wouldn't have been happy at all. So I don't know why I continued to go along with what he was making me do. That's the part I don't remember. Nor do I remember why I went to Oz Haggerty and had him give me a black-market phone, and used it to record two of my ex's friends having sex, then trying to frame one of their other friends for revenge porn. I have a vague memory of going to visit my father in prison, and him reprimanding me for my vendetta against my ex's new girlfriend. Still, the details are blurry.

Slade: So I'm guessing that you had some other reason for doing what you did that had nothing to do with what your father was making you do?

Esme: Are you trying to imply that I'm just as much of a horrible person as my father was?

Slade: I have no way of knowing. I asked that question based on what you've been telling me.

*He motions silently to the bartender, who places another bright green bottle in front of him. He proceeds to take a sip of beer. Esme isn't sure how she feels about Slade. She finds comfort in the fact that she wasn't alone, but from what it sounded like, Slade's family was just as bad as hers was. Perhaps even worse. But maybe people like him were the only ones outside of her group who would want to associate with her? Or maybe Slade was trying to get her to trust him only to take advantage of her further? There was only one way of knowing, and Esme decides it's a risk worth taking. She sees Slade's phone next to him on the counter.*

Esme: Can I get your number?

*Slade suddenly chokes on his beer and begins coughing.*

Esme: Oh my god, are you okay?

Slade: *cough* Yeah. *cough* *cough* I'm fine. *cough* Just surprised.

Esme: Why?

Slade: You're the first girl who's ever *cough* asked me for my number. And no offense, but you're very beautiful.

Esme: Well thanks, but why would I be offended?

Slade: Because girls like you have always turned me down whenever I've asked for their numbers. Or they'll give them to me, but immediately "friendzone" me. Either that or ignore me altogether, because of course they all have boyfriends. Actually I should've asked, do you have a boyfriend? I know you said you're broken up with your ex, but…

Esme: Nope. I'm single.

Slade: Is that why you're asking for my number?

Esme: Well, I mean, I wouldn't mind getting to know you better, since we seem to have a lot in common.

Slade: This isn't a trick is it? You're not going to try to frame me for something?

Esme: Those days are over. My father is out of my life, and I've been trying very hard to make amends with everyone I've hurt and be a better person. Here…

*She holds out her hand near the phone. Slade unlocks it and hands it to her. Esme enters her number.*

Esme: Now you have mine. You can text me if you want, and that way I'll have your number. But if you don't want to, I understand. The ball's in your court, as they say.

*She hands the phone back to Slade, who saves the number to his contacts' list, then puts the phone in his pocket.*

Slade: I…uh…thank you!

Esme: Sure!

*Slade looks at her and gives her a small smile.*

Esme: So, uh, what kind of music does your band play?

Slade: Rock, mostly. We're a cover band. I'm the bass player, the one whom nobody notices unless they're not there.

Esme: Aww.

Slade: But like I said, this is how I make a living, and so obviously they need me. We've been on sort of a mini-tour. This gig at the Savoy is our last stop before we all head home.

Esme: I see. So you're not from around here?

Slade: Nope. I come to the Highsider whenever I'm in town, but I'm on the road a lot.

Esme: Where are you from, if you don't mind me asking?

*Before Slade can answer, a man at a table in a corner at the opposite end of the bar starts yelling.*

Man: What did you say?! What did you just say to me?!

*He stands up from his chair, which falls over.*

Man: Go on, say that again! SAY THAT AGAIN! SAY THAT TO MY FACE AGAIN!

*A second man stands up and punches the first, knocking him over, and begins repeatedly kicking him. A third man grabs a chair and hits the second man over the head with it. A fourth man grabs the third man around the neck; they both fall over onto the table, knocking it over. Pretty soon everyone in that corner of the bar are piled on top of each other, punching, kicking, and knocking over everyone in sight.*

Slade: And that's a Brennivín Berjast!

*He twists the cap off his bottle of Brennivín and empties it into his mouth, seemingly unphased by the brawl. Now Esme understands why Slade said they're a regular occurrence, as she remembers that a fight had broken out the first time she visited the Highsider.*

Bartender: I think the two of you had better leave now before this gets out of hand…

*He looks over at the bouncer, who is trying hard to break up the fight but gets hit over the head with a chair.*

Bartender: More than it already has.

Slade: Put everything on my tab. Nice talking to you Esme!

Esme: Wait!

*Too late, Slade has already bolted out the door and disappeared into the night.*

Bartender: He has your number. If he wants to continue your conversation, he'll call you. Now get out of here. It looks like I'm going to need to get the authorities involved. Again.

*By now everybody in the bar was fighting. A group of guys who had been seated in the opposite corner of the bar from where the fight started had joined the brawl and were now punching each other, most likely under the false assumption that they were punching the guys who had started the fight. Two women who likewise hadn't been involved in the fight were trying to rip each other's hair out. And Esme now remembered something else about her childhood; taking self-defense lessons! She was going to have to use what she remembered to get herself out. She attempts to make her way to the door but isn't able to make it out unscathed, and is forced to punch and kick her way through the chaos.*

Esme (to a random guy): Sorry, nothing personal!

*She feels something collide with the side of her face but thinks nothing of it. She finally makes it outside, absolutely winded. Taking a moment to catch her breath, she takes out her phone. Relieved to see that the screen isn't cracked, she calls for a rideshare.

Esme makes it back to Nelle's house and enters through the front door. Nelle is sitting on the sofa, with some important-looking documents on the coffee table in front of her. Ace is in his playpen, teething ring in mouth.

Nelle: Hi Es-oh my god what happened to your face?

Esme: Huh?

Nelle: Your nose is bleeding!

*Esme rubs her nose with the back of her finger and sees that it's covered in blood.*

Esme: So it is.

*She runs to the bathroom and looks in the mirror. She definitely was scraped up, but aside from her nose, nothing was bleeding. Her nose didn't seem to be broken. She gathers some paper towels and goes back to the living room, dabbing her nose.*

Nelle: So, what happened?

Esme: Well, I took your advice and went to the Highsider. That's the bar where Oz Haggerty was working. It definitely helped me remember some stuff. A lot of stuff actually. I met a guy there, and we chatted for a bit.

*Nelle seems excited.*

Nelle: You met a guy? What's his name?

Esme: Slade. I don't think that's his real name though.

Nelle: Did you like him?

Esme: I suppose. He's a little weird. I thought he was an alright looking guy, though part of me was scared of him, and another part pf me felt sorry for him. He had me try this strange drink that I've never seen or heard of. Bervin something. He said it was imported from Iceland, but the bartender seemed to imply that Oz Haggerty smuggled it in. I think that's why it was in those small bottles that you find in mini-bars. Nips, I think they're called. And Slade said that the Highsider was known for having Bervin Bearhunts, or something, and that's the only reason why he still comes to the Highsider when he's in town. I didn't know what he was talking about at first, but then a fight broke out, and I'm pretty sure that's what he was referring to. I had to fight my way out.

Nelle: Wow! I'm glad you're okay.

Esme: Yeah.

Nelle: Did you and Slade talk about anything interesting?

Esme: We did, actually.

*Esme fills Nelle in on everything she and Slade talked about.*

Nelle: So, how does it feel knowing that you're not the only person who has had experiences like that?

Esme: I'm not sure. I definitely feel less alone, and it was good to meet someone outside of our group who can related to stuff like this. He even said it's more common than people think.

Nelle: Yes it is.

Esme: But I did ask him for his number.

Nelle: Oh? Did you get it?

Esme: I entered my number into his phone, and told him if he wanted to give it to me, he could message me, but if not I understood. I think he's afraid that I have ulterior motives. *sigh* I really don't know anymore.

Nelle: What do you mean?

Esme: Am I limited to only having friends who are related to horrible people? Or potentially are horrible people?

Nelle: That's a question only you can answer. If you deliberately limit yourself, then yes. But you don't have to limit yourself. There really isn't anything wrong with trying to reconnect with the world. You shouldn't let people like Carly try and get you down, and since you're not living with her, you don't need to bend to her rules.

Esme: I still feel that Carly had something to do with Alexis firing me.

Nelle: Neither of them have any power over you anymore. It's time to let go and start afresh.

Esme: Afresh, meaning being limited to people who have done horrible things and may or may not have learned from them.

Nelle: Esme, if you liked Slade, why not try to get to know him more?

Esme: Well, for starters, he hasn't messaged me yet with his number.

*Esme's phone makes the notification sound letting her know she has a message. She takes it out and sees that it's from Slade!*

Esme: It's from him!

Nelle: What does it say?

Slade's message: My gig is from 4 to 7 PM at the Savoy. We can continue our conversation afterwards, if you'd like.

Nelle: Well, are you going to go?

Esme: I'm not sure. It's at the Savoy. That's the bar that Trina's father…her biological father owns.

Nelle: So? It's a public place, and it's one of the biggest hot spots in Port Charles. There will be a lot of people there, including Slade, and he and his band are being paid to perform there. Obviously, Slade isn't letting the fact that he let his serial killer grandfather escape from prison stop him from living his life.

Esme: I suppose.

Nelle: You should go! He said he's not from around here, so you should take advantage of this opportunity!

Esme: I suppose you're right. It just feels weird, trying to live a normal life after coming to Port Charles with an agenda to ruin someone's life, and knowing that not all of it was due to what my father was making me do.

Nelle: We've all done stuff like this, and have bounced back from it! Don't forget, I came to Port Charles with an agenda, and I successfully turned my life around, and now I'm giving back to society by supporting people who were in my situation.

Esme: I still feel like this is the life I'm settling for. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to you for giving both me and Ace a roof over our heads, but there are things I wanted, dreams I had, that I now know are unrealistic.

Nelle: What were some of those dreams?

Esme: To live in luxury.

Nelle: What does luxury mean for you?

Esme: A mansion in a secluded area, or a private island. I actually do have some fond memories of where I grew up. Having riding lessons, learning self-defence skills, which came in handy tonight, and other things. But at the same time, my adoptive parents forbade me from doing anything without their permission. I really enjoyed when we were at Wildwind. Even though there was a lot of unpleasant stuff that happened there, it was still quite comfortable. I enjoyed the feast, and I remember feeling so free, being able to celebrate being a Trusted Member, even though I felt like it wasn't going to happen.

Nelle: I remember how happy you were, and I just wish I had known how dangerous those pills were. I blamed myself because I didn't know that-

Esme: Let's not talk about that. I remember when I was released from the hospital, and you told me we were going to spend one more night at Wildwind before heading back to Port Charles. Even though everyone else had gone home and it was much quieter and emptier, that bed I slept in was so comfortable. My head still hurt like hell, but it made it more tolerable, since I wasn't going to be taking any more of those pills.

And I know this sounds really weird, but I actually really miss Wyndemere. I don't miss the North Tower, but that place is so huge that I wouldn't have to step foot in that part of the castle again. When I was free to move about the house, and the grounds, and the rest of Spoon Island, I felt really free. I wish I could go back there. Maybe it's wrong, and maybe I need more therapy, as I was only there first to carry out what Daddy was making me do, and then being held prisoner there by Nikolas. And now I hear that Ava managed to get the deed to the estate, as part of the divorce, and she plans on selling it. I'm going to be very jealous of whoever is rich enough to buy it.

*She feels the tears welling up in her eyes once again. She feels Nelle rubbing her back to comfort her.*

Esme: You told me that I'm welcome to stay with you as long as you're around?

Nelle: Yes. Having Ace around brightens my day, and honestly I don't want either of you to leave.

Esme: I honestly don't want to leave either. I do feel like you're the sister I never had, and if you're willing to let me and Ace stay with you, then that's where we'll be.

Nelle: I'm more than willing to do this for you. It's been my dream all my life. And I can make your dream come true as well.

Esme: What do you mean?

Nelle: You said you really miss living at Wyndemere, and you wish that you move back there, and be free to move about the house, the grounds, the island, but not have to be burdened by what Ryan was making you do, or be held prisoner in the tower by Nikolas, or have to deal with that snooty Ava.

Esme: Yes.

Nelle: I can make that happen.

Esme: You can?!

*Nelle takes the documents from the table and hands them to Esme.*

Nelle: Consider it done!

*Esme looks at the documents, which show that Nelle is the new owner of Wyndemere!*

In memory of Johnny Wactor (August 31, 1986 – May 25, 2024)