Chapter 33 – Glountain Menn

In which Weiss Schnee's first mission to the wild world outside the kingdom begins.

The morning after prom was a bizarre return to normalcy for Team RWBY. Up until just a few days before the dance itself, the team had been on the verge of tearing itself apart for three reasons at any given team, each changing into a different three at the end of the day, and the fact that the culmination coincided with the dance somehow made it feel like prom itself was the climax of the intra-team issues.

Now, as they came down from the excitement of that night, they were just…friends. No Weiss vs. Yang drama, no Ruby having a breakdown, no Blake bearing a grudge against some teammate for some reason – just four girls waking up after having all stayed up late and talking amongst one another about how their nights went.

"So wait, was he kissing the girl, Cindy?"

Weiss shook her head in response to Yang's question. "I don't think so, but they did have arms around one another. Honestly, I expect heavy petting would have followed had I not intervened. But as it was, nothing visibly untoward happened aside from underage alcohol imbibement."

"Imbibement…you sure do know how to suck the fun out of everything, Schnee." Yang ran a hand through her hair. "But what I'm more concerned about is how you got up there in the first place. You flew?"

"No! Weren't you listening? I climbed with the aid of my wings."

The other three girls just stared back at her.

"Weiss, isn't…isn't that what flying means? Climbing the air?" Ruby asked.

"I literally climbed along the outside of the building with my arms, using my wings for extra propulsion."

"Gods damn. That's some metal shit." Yang let out a huff of air. "I just get an image of you in your prom dress, fucking scaling a tower like a badass. No wonder they picked you for leader if you pull things like that."

"Well, it ended up being a perfect nonissue and waste of time." Weiss couldn't rightly report Adam for his underage drinking without endangering Menagerie's team's status and reputation, and she had no intention or desire to do undue harm to her fellow Faunus. Furthermore, it wasn't as though any professor or teacher would truly care all that much for some twenty-year-olds sneaking a few beers into a sequestered room far from the impressionable first years. It might be against the rules, but so was driving two miles per hour over the speed limit.

"Ruby, how about your night?" Weiss redirected. "Did you have fun? Find any special someone, or perhaps someones?"

Ruby placed a finger to her chin and began playing with her lower lip. "Well, I danced with Jaune and then I danced with Pyrrha, but even I'm not too out of it to see those two have some signals going back and forth, you know, a few lollipops in each other's candy jars. Then I asked Cardin to dance, but the rabbit girl he was with got all upset with me, so I asked his teammates to dance, and they said which one, and I said I didn't give a fuck, and I think that each of them got mad because they were hoping I'd choose them, so I just danced with whoever asked. Nora was less insecure than the bunny Faunus and let me dance with Ren, and I also danced with her to make it fair. That was around the moment a gaggle of guys from some Team Sun or something noticed me and started bothering me, so I used Blake as a shield, and we stuck together until Weiss came back."

"Sounds like you got around," said Yang, patting Ruby on the back. "Proud of ya, sis."

Ruby smiled at that. Even if things were tough between them, they could still be close like that.

"Blake, I know how you fared, having been with you for most of it." Weiss turned her attention to the final member. "Yang, did you enjoy your rumor-mongering?"

"Hells yeah!" Yang pulled back her elbow and made a little noise with her mouth that sounded like a laser blast. "I literally got to tease the entire four kingdoms over who's dating who. Mind you, I left the people who looked like their relationships were on the rocks alone, but sure hits like Cardin and his gal or Renora got a good jerking of their chains. Plus, I now have enough gossip and/or blackmail material to cover the next three years and two months. All-in-all, a great time."

So much for conducting herself as a representative of Team RWBY, but Weiss had never really expected that.

"If that's all, I think it's about time we headed over to the main hall for the headmaster's remarks," Weiss said. "After that, we get to choose first missions, and –"

Ruby nearly knocked Weiss over with how suddenly she rushed right into her face. "Wait, that's TODAY?"

While Weiss collected herself and tried not to faceplant into the mattress behind her, Blake answered affirmatively to Ruby.

"I didn't know! I'm not ready!"

"We weren't told to pack anything," Blake explained. The first missions would require a variety of different supplies, depending on whether one was within the kingdom, outside its walls in a village, or in the wild forests that covered most of eastern Sanus. Packs containing the required supplies would be distributed based on the missions themselves, and all that huntresses or huntsmen needed was their weapons and enough Dust with which to power it.

"I know, but I wanna bring…I was hoping to…" She snapped her fingers and cursed. "Awww, there isn't going to be enough time to grab him."

To grab…him? Had Ruby truly found someone special at last night's social outing and grown a sense of romance? If so, bringing them along on a mission simply wasn't feasible, but the desire to do so alone had piqued Weiss' interests.

"I'm sure you and I can make a detour after the headmaster's speech to pick up anything or anyone you need before we leave for our mission," Weiss assured Ruby.

"Nah, it's fine. I mean, our mission is probably too dangerous."

Weiss hadn't forgotten just what their plans were regarding the fallen city outside of Vale, but hearing it mentioned aloud did jog her brain enough to remember that they probably ought to discuss it beforehand. "About that. I think we need to all make sure we're clear on just what our objective here is, and how we intend to execute it."

Yang shrugged broadly. "Go to Glountain Menn, and find Blercury Mack's body. Simple as pie."

"Is it?" Weiss asked. "When we get there, are we to merely diverge from our assigned chaperone's supervision? And once we find the single corpse within an entire collapsed city, which shan't be a 'simple as pie' task, are we to carry Mercury's remains with us? How do we intend to transport them back to Vale for an autopsy to prove who it is and when they truly died?"

"I think the professor will want to help us when we find a fresh corpse," Blake pointed out. "We can probably hand it off to them once we've located him. I mean, a dead body regardless of who or where still warrants police to look into it to ID the body. It'll actually probably be better if we can have them discover who it is for themselves. That way, we don't have to explain ourselves – we're just four girls who stumbled on a body by accident and informed the proper authorities."

Weiss had to admit, there was logic behind Blake's reasoning. If Weiss and her team found a corpse and proudly declared they knew who it was before it could be analyzed, thing could quickly get far stickier for both her team's reputation and the ensuing investigation. That was assuming, of course, that it would be beyond recognition, but if Mercury's face was visible then it was all a nonissue anyways.

"And how exactly do we find it?" Ruby said. "I know you said it won't be easy, but that's not a plan."

"If we're willing to sacrifice a few hours of sleep, we can search at nights," Yang offered.

"Also, let's be sure to take any opportunities the chaperone gives us to split up," Weiss added. "I doubt they'll abandon us to our own devices, but I wouldn't be surprised if our mission to Mountain Glenn, whatever it may be, requires us to cover more ground than a single party of five can in one week's time."

The more they talked it over, the more real this plan became. With something as simple as prom's passing, it stopped being an aspiration far off in the distance, blocked away by a major event before they could even start. Now, Team RWBY was ready for its first mission as well as its first true mission.

After the address by Headmaster Ozpin, with a simply charming introduction by General Ironwood that made Weiss slightly more sympathetic of how Jaune Arc felt when airborne, Weiss and her team were given the go ahead to peruse the mission posting, alongside all other Beacon first years.

There were a wide variety of missions. This wasn't just the same number of missions as there were teams; no, literally all applicable missions that had been assigned to huntsmen and huntresses of Vale and beyond were listed on the electronic posters, making the diversity of job types simply astounding.

One could find everything under the sun among the postings. There were at least twenty open missions to locate and destroy particularly troublesome Grimm or packs of Grimm that had been wreaking havoc here or there in outlying villages, with differing degrees of peril based on the size, number, and species of Grimm in question. Missions with Beowolf hordes tended to be lower on the scale near the ones and twos, whereas the highest ranked mission was to go to the coast and put down a Sea Feilong that had claimed the lives of all residents of a small fishing hamlet built around a cove.

It wasn't just monster smash and dash, though. There were also missions tailored to students who had semblances or weapons best used against people. Banditry was not as common in Vale as it was in Mistral or Vacuo (Atlas had absolutely none, and Menagerie's sense of community was simply too great for people to willingly organize into crime rings). Additionally, there was also exactly one single high ranked mission that required personal approved from the headmaster to join a veteran pro-huntress in the hunt against Anthrosurgent, the pro-human terrorist agency.

There were also non-combat missions, though fewer and less desirable by the thrill-seeking standards of Beaconite teenagers. Among these were investigations of criminals within the city, wilderness survival, large scale battle strategy (Weiss had a feeling that one would be 'recommended' to Atlesian students who weren't fitting in well with the new landscape). Truly, one could find everything among the postings.

Well, almost everything.

"Not one mission in Mountain Glenn?!" Weiss scrolled through the full list again, top to bottom, checking as she went for the name of the one place she needed. "There aren't even any near it!"

"I warned you," Blake mumbled, and Weiss nearly turned around and snapped at her girlfriend right then and there. It wasn't that Blake was wrong; rather, the opposite being true was the problem.

Fucking calm down, Weiss, and have some decorum. It's your own fault for ignoring her and trusting your gut. Your gut is a fucking vat of acid and undigested food with undisclosed strains of bacteria, not some secret sense that tells you the future. Gods, I feel like such a fucking idiot!

"I-It's not over," Ruby said, clearly in just as much a state of denial as Weiss. "We can ask Ozpin directly and get assigned there."

"No point," Weiss bitterly spat out, but she didn't intervene as Ruby ran over in the direction of Professor Ozpin.

"Sir! Sir!"

Weiss rolled her eyes and bit down on her own tongue. Until she could get her own temper at so thoroughly being had by a fucking computer screen down, she wouldn't trust herself to speak aloud, lest she bite the head off of someone undeserving of her anger.

I can't believe this. The body isn't going to last much longer, if it's even still there and hasn't been picked apart by scavengers or carried off by curious Grimm. The lost colony is probably crawling with both.

"It's okay," said Yang. "May I?"

Weiss shook her head. Yang sucked in her lips, unsure of how to retract her outstretched arm without looking like and asshole. Weiss clenched her fists and started mentally preparing herself to speak.

"I'm no good to be around right now," she said angrily, addressing her partner and her partner's partner at once. "It's my fault, not either of yours. I think I'd just like to be alone for a moment."

"Weiss, it's okay."

"No it isn't, Blake. Lives are on the line, and I just what? Guessed we'd be lucky because I was feeling good at the time?"

"No, you made a plan that required certain prerequisites. It's not your fault it didn't work out. And besides, it's not like we had any other options. This was our best shot."

"Thanks for the reminder," Weiss murmured snappishly. Then, she chided herself.

This is why I need to get away from the team. In a bad mood, I'm probably less agreeable to be around than a creature of Grimm.

Before Weiss could evacuate and leave her team to pick some shitty consolation mission, propriety came over in the form of Ruby Rose dragging the headmaster in tow.

"Now, then. What's this I've heard about a request for nonstandard missions?" He glanced at the mission boards, and then as Weiss' scowling face. "It's not advertised, but we are willing to take requests, provided they aren't unreasonable."

"We were hoping to…"

Blake paused, no doubt realizing they had no way to explain themselves. Perhaps they could ask for a particular job, like catching bandits or doing community service or planting their thumbs up their own assholes and wiggling, but requesting a location? That was sure to get eyebrows raised.

Blake trailed off, unsure of how to phrase the request and unwilling to risk the embarrassment of not having an explanation, but Weiss, in her unhappy state, subscribed to no similar compunctions.

"We want to go to Mountain Glenn. Sir."

It was hard to not make the last word sound like it had been dipped in venom. So Weiss didn't bother and left her rage clear for everyone to see. Rather, for everyone to hear.

"Mountain Glenn?" Ozpin's smile remained as he tilted his head slightly, but Weiss could tell he wasn't enthused by their 'request.' "May I ask what your interest in the city is?" His smile twisted. "Is it in any way related to your, ahem, witchcraft?"

"Historical," Blake hurriedly announced, before Weiss could further offend the headmaster with her naked vitriol. "We…Ruby and Yang, that it…read a lot about it, and they were curious about their kingdom's history. They wanted to go, just to learn more about it. S-So, are they, perhaps, any missions nearby?"

Ozpin's smiled finally faded, meaning that he was about to deliver bad news. Weiss had known this was coming. "While I've no objection to any student's thirst for knowledge, we have no work needing completion by huntsmen or huntresses in that location. It would be improper to send you there just to amble around and slay Grimm that aren't a threat to anyone, so I'm afraid I cannot –"

"Let's hold our horses for a second there, my friend."

At the interjection, Weiss, her team, and Ozpin all turned around to face the man who'd spoken up.

"Professor Torchwick." Ozpin folded his hands behind his back. "While I understand your desire to aid the students, I'm afraid the point stands. Unless a mission arises in the vicinity of Mountain Glenn, I cannot justify a visit solely based on curiosity."

"It is thus to the benefit of everyone's energy that I just so happen to have a mission in that region." Torchwick held up an electronic tablet. "Fresh off the bulletins, from an old, old friend of mine who called me ahead of time."

"A mission in Mountain Glenn?"

Torchwick nodded. "A mission in Mountain Glenn. I know – it's so lucky for my young friends here that it looks like the stars have aligned in their favor, but I assure you it all checks out. You're welcome to review the datapad and its contents, if it would benefit your energy."

"Oh, there's no need. I trust the judgment of all my professors." Ozpin nodded once at Torchwick, then at Weiss, whose anger was rapidly fading. "It sounds like your wish has been granted, Miss Schnee. I hope the five of you will be able to have an enriching experience in the hallowed historic site that is Mountain Glenn."

It was a saving throw that granted Weiss her every desire, but it came at quite the cost. Ruby was beaming at the revelation, not having analyzed Ozpin's words, but the other three realized exactly what he had said.

The five of us.

The girls of Team RWBY would be getting their wish, but Roman Torchwick himself would be coming with them.

"Yeah, I'm definitely not bringing Zwei along," Ruby said as they approached the airship. "Kick the dog is a thing, and I ain't no dummy."

"Zwei? That who you wanted to bring?" An involuntary laugh escape from Yang's lips. "Gee, here I was worrying you had some kinda boyfriend. Got all worked up over a dog."

"Dog?" Blake said, her ears curling back in alarm. "Dog? What dog?"

"No dog," said Ruby. "I'll leave him in our room with some food. This objective is too dangerous."

Weiss couldn't find it in herself to join into their banter. It was heartening to be able to go after she'd nearly cost her team their opportunity, but this was just…just too much. They had about an hour before it was time to leave, and they'd already spent about forty-five minutes of it collecting the supplies they needed for their expedition. Now, with their little time remaining, Weiss was deep in thought.

He singled out Yang. He noticed our team on the first day. And now a mission magically pops up the very moment we ask to go to the one place where there's any evidence? It's not right.

"Maybe he's just trying to cover up the evidence, Weiss."

Weiss looked up to see the enter team staring at her.

"You were looking kinda deep in thought," Ruby said. "I figured you were wondering why."

"It's not that. Well…it is, but I don't think he's trying to sabotage us. He could've just never let us go, and the body would rot away to nothingness. But what I'm really worried about is…"

Weiss paused. She had previously told herself that she wouldn't air these little theories of hers before the team, but this was getting a little too close to home to not at least mention. Torchwick himself was going to be around them for the next week, and they needed to know all possible factors. Besides, it was her team, and she could trust them above anyone.

"The truth is, I'm worried that my father might have hired Torchwick to spy on me."

Ruby and Yang cocked their heads, but Blake instantly froze up. To the average joe, no one would think much of Weiss abruptly accusing her businessman Father of corruption, but Blake knew just how dark the heart of Jacques Schnee could get. He might not have done anything evil, but that was out of caution and a lack of need, never goodness or compassion.

"Explain," Blake demanded.

"He knew about the paladin because of his connections, and he could have fed that information to Torchwick, thus enabling him to steal it and convince Black to operate it. It would make a fool of the Atlesian military, thus satisfying his petty needs for vengeance and furthering any bills puts forth by weakening his enemy. Furthermore, he now has eyes in Beacon, on me. He's taken in interest in our team, and I worry it may be because of my place as leader."

"That's…geez, I was expecting worse." Ruby flipped back her hair over her eye. "All you got is speculation."

"I…" Blake grimaced. "…I agree with Ruby. I don't think it was him. But…"

But she's not sure. She knows it's possible. He'd order the murders Torchwick committed if he knew he could get away with it.

"It is just speculation," Weiss conceded. "But I thought you needed to hear it."

"I think the more pressing problem is how we're gonna make sure we don't wake up with our throats slit and our water supply poisoned," Yang said, and Weiss never felt more grateful for her blonde teammate than she did right now as the girl redirected the conversation away from the topic that was horrible for Weiss to even consider.

"We post a lookout when we sleep during the nights, and we stick together like glue during the day." Blake shot a look at Weiss for confirmation of her countermeasure, for which she received a nod.

"Honestly, this actually feels…sort of right, in a way," Ruby said. "Like there's the proper build-up to the final boss. It's not good, not at all, but it's like our first mission isn't going to be some breezy easy thing where we slip away from Port during another long-winded story and do our own thing. We're gonna have to work through another challenge as a team."

"Investigating a murder while being led in our investigations by the murderer himself." Weiss nodded. "I think I see what you mean."

"Team RWBY was never the one to take the easy way out," Yang added in.

The girls rounded the corner and came upon the airship docks, where Professor Roman Torchwick stood in his pristine outfit, leaning on his cane as he awaited his four charges. Behind him was the vessel that would lead Weiss' team to their destiny, for the better or for the worse.

He's throwing down a challenge for us. Let's hope we can rise to the occasion and meet it.

"Alright, Team RWBY. I know that you're my friends and I'm your teacher, but I'm afraid that that is going to have to temporarily be placed on pause for the time being. As it is your first mission, there will be times when I need to give you commands, and you need to obey them without question. I must apologize in advance for any arrogance or standoffishness I may display, but trust that this is only due to my greater experience and done to ensure your survival. At the end of the day, all we all want is to go home at the end of the day. Okay?"

No one on Team RWBY responded.

Weiss was seated next to Torchwick and Blake, and Yang and Ruby were opposite them. They'd chosen this arrangement to place as much distance between the baby of the team and the monster who'd hurt her.

"My friends, I'm afraid I'm going to need to hear you agree to this. Remember, this is for your own safety. We'll be in the thick of things out there, and in the moments between life and death, a single moment of hesitation or mistrust could spell our doom."

"Distrust." Weiss eyed Torchwick warily. "If that is the case, then perhaps it would be in all of our shared interests to overcome any reservations we have towards one another here and now."

"I have no reservations towards you or your team, my friend Weiss. If you still hold ill-will against me for what transpired between myself and my friend Ruby, I cannot apologize enough, but I implore you to not let that come between –"

"How'd you do it?" Yang called from the other side. The rip-roar of the airship's engines was enough that she had to raise her voice to be heard.

"Do it?"

"We're alone, boss. No one to hear or report it in 'cept for the pilot, and I think he's too busy to be bothered." Yang leaned in towards the center of the craft. "Howdja do it? Switching out the card, I mean."

"The…The…that business card you showed me? What was it, disappearing ink?" Torchwick scratched his head. "Forgive me for my forgetfulness, but it was so long ago, and I barely committed the event to memory."

"I just wanna know, for curiosity's sake, was it a swap to a new card, or did you somehow presto-chango the one I handed you?"

Torchwick frown and leaned away from Yang, his hand idly twirling the cane that touched down on the center of the floor. "My friend, I'm afraid I have no answer for a question I myself fail to –"

"Are you working for my father?"

The words escaped Weiss' lips before she could truly think them through, but Yang had asked her piece, and Weiss wasn't going to be left out now that their true interrogation had begun. Her only real regret was pushing her own theory while the others focused on concrete evidence.

"Would that be Mr. Jacques Schnee?"

Weiss' breath froze in her throat.

"I'm familiar with the Schnee family, my friend." He seemed to recognize her amazement and shook his head. "Everyone on Remnant is. While I'd gladly offer my support to the cause of Faunus enfranchisement, I'm afraid I cannot boast such a feat aside from occasional monetary donations, voting for the proper candidates when election season comes round, and being a member of my local White Fang branch."

"White…Fang?"

Torchwick smiled, pulled out his wallet, and grabbed out a small card. Weiss wondered if this one would call him some other profane name, but the instant he handed it to her, she recognized it.

White Fang Membership, in the name of one Roman Torchwick. I can tell from looks alone that this is legit. The subtle off-white coloring, the tasteful thickness of it…it even has the White Fang watermark. No doubt, he's a member – but was he always, or did he merely join up recently to enhance his own false persona?

"I'd like the card back, if that's alright. You can copy my membership ID number, if you'd please."

Weiss handed him back the small slip of paper.

"Anything else we'd like to get off our chests?" Torchwick asked, returning the membership card to its place in the interior fold of his wallet.

"I have a question," Ruby breathed, her eyes fixed on the world outside the open door of the airship. "Why are you such an asshole?"

The smile on the huntsman's face faded, and Weiss herself felt like a bit of an asshole herself for having ignored how much their interrogation of Torchwick had been bothering her partner.

"I think I speak for all of us when I say that we'll all do our best to stay safe out their in regards to your leadership and presence," Weiss declared, putting an end to the conversation with finality. "Sir."

"I thank you, Weiss. Now then, on to our mission."

Torchwick unzipped his own backpack and retrieved a small electronic device. Pressing a button on the side, he caused it to create a small blue holographic screen in the center of the bullhead to display the mission briefing, as papers would be liable to blow away from the strong winds through which they flew. Weiss estimated they had only just left the range of the kingdom's defensive turrets posted on the walls.

A picture of what looked like a hiking group appeared on the holographic screen. Behind them were several tabletops littered with a wide assortment of analytical instruments, glassware, and labelled chemical bottles.

"A small party of botanists recently ventured beyond the kingdom walls to conduct field research based on survey reports describing plant life in Mountain Glenn with unique properties. It's said that this so-called 'Miracle Ivy' of theirs has medicinal powers that enhance human and Faunus healing, or at least the rate of it."

"Sounds like aura," Yang noted.

"Well, you may not be all that far off the mark. I'm pained to admit that it is said that this ivy itself has been described as possessing aura."

The screen switched from the picture of the botanists to an image of a plant cell, presumably from the ivy itself.

"A plant…with aura? You're bullshitting us."

Torchwick shook his head. "I myself find it equally improbable. We're all five of us hunters, and we're aware of auric properties, but civilians tend to overread into papers and studies on our soul-centric powers. The botanist team described the aura as too difficult to cut or harvest, hence their need to fly out in person with a small hunter escort for safety to perform their tests on it in person. Their prevailing theory was that the mass hunter grave that is Mountain Glenn caused the soil of the city to have…honestly, it sounds like pseudoscience, but I'll quote the report verbatim: 'it is believed that the Miracle Ivy's anomalous healing properties and extraordinary durability is a side effect of having grown in soil soaked in huntsman blood.'"

Torchwick rolled his eyes.

"If you ask me, they're insulting the fallen by removing their mortality and deifying them as distant gods with magical powers, but botany is not my field, and commenting beyond the scope of my abilities would be folly. Regardless of the origin of its powers, mystical or not, this ivy does have the potential to improve medical science and was critical to be studied."

"So, we're aiding them? Cutting the Miracle Ivy?"

Torchwick shook his head. "That would be a poor use of Beacon resources. The huntsman escort the botanists had brought along with them sent out a distress signal two days ago that went dark within three hours of being broadcast. The council reviewed the situation and determined that this necessitated further intervention, and an old companion of mine in the business forwarded me the information."

And now, he was leading Team RWBY into the Grimm's nest. Weiss honestly wondered if this 'companion' of Torchwick's was even a real person or if he'd merely known of their interest in Mountain Glenn.

If he did kill Black and dump the body, he'd be aware of its location. He must know what's out there. I think he also knows we know.

This was starting to feel less like the team reacting to Torchwick's challenge and more like them rushing headlong into the increasingly wide maw of danger.

"We have no intelligence on the botanists or their escort aside from the last known location." The hologram turned into a map of Mountain Glenn, with a pinging beacon in the upper righthand corner, representing northeast. "That's where we'll be starting, but I expect we'll need to comb through the city to search them, given the distress signal's failure. Failures imply disasters, and disasters imply Grimm."

"We'll be searching the city," Weiss repeated, with the words feeling like thoughts she said aloud. Their mission was to search through Mountain Glenn for missing persons – it was officially too convenient to be real. "I wonder what we'll find."

Next Chapter: Miracle Ivy

In which Weiss Schnee can't find what she's looking for in Mountain Glenn and becomes unsure of exactly what it is she seeks there.

Author's Notes

Dang, we're already in Mountain Glenn? I repeat, daaaaaang. It's something of a turning point for this story - basically, the rest of V2 will take place there. The story doesn't end here, but they won't leave until this phase of the story reaches its conclusion. We'll also finally earn that 'Major Character Death' tag.

I like the idea of White Fang being a beloved foundation that you're proud to show off your membership for. It's something to make you the trusted, respectable member of society, like volunteering for charity or such.

Happy rats, and don't do crime!