CHAPTER 16
At boiling point
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"You're missing a few dwarfs, Ms. White" Sonny loudly teases from the other side of the gym, laughing at me, Ray, Clay and Brock, and other soldiers nearby chuckle with him. Brock turns to him, then to me; he looks confused, he doesn't understand the tease.
"Well, now Happy arrived, huh" Clay claps back, standing up from the bench to stare down at Sonny; after all, heisa few inches taller.
"What you guys talkin' about?" Brock interrupts while adding weights to his shoulder equipment, feeling left out.
"...And there's Dopey" Ray teases Brock, sitting on his bench to take a break. "I think you should take a break, Vicky. Shouldn't force it" Ray wisely advises me, because he saw me using the gym equipment for a long time, but the truth is that I just lingered there for most of the time, with my legs lazily tapping on the leg press, because I was already feeling them burn.
But I pretend I'm proud and a lot more athletic than I am, and turn to Ray, determined. "I'm good. I'll just do a few more of these then I'm done. Besides, Ineedto work out my legs. And I'm not feeling any pain" I lie. I feel incredibly weak around the guys, because even Ray, who was tortured for a week only half a month ago, is lifting a lot of weight. And they do that almost on a daily basis.
"And you're right, Vicky" Jason appears out of nowhere behind me, I didn't see him because the gym at the Base is crowded at the entrance, filled with tall soldiers coming and going at this hour, it's late afternoon. He casually leans on the leg press equipment, facing me directly between my spread legs. "Strong legs are important. You should really build up those muscles" he smirks at me, and I notice a slight naughty look when he raises his eyebrows. I know I'm blushing, for sure. He's wearing shorts and an olive green t-shirt, and has a small towel on his shoulder.
"Yeah, but she can't overdo it, man" Ray advises me again, concerned and completely unaware of Jason's hidden flirt. Fortunately.
"Well, Grumpy arrived" Sonny comes closer and tries to include Jason in the previous tease, but he doesn't get it, and stares at him, grumpy. Sonny decides to just shut up.
"He's just jealous because now he probably lifts as much weight as I do on the leg press, since lately the most exercise he's been doing is squatting on his chair in Ops Center" I tease Jason, and Sonny gestures a 'boo-yah!' to him, vindictive.
"Oh" Brock meddles, all of a sudden. "Yeah. The seven dwarfs. Grumpy, haha" he finally gets the joke, ten minutes later. "Why am I Dopey?" he naively asks, with a very 'Dopey' expression.
"Well, not for long, huh" Jason solemnly ignores Sonny's 'boo-ya' and Brock's slow thinking, "My days of squatting on a chair are finally over" he proudly states, casually leaning with his arm on my equipment, and the guys look at him with a suspicious look, except for Ray.
"Talked to Lindell, man?" Ray grins at Jason, and I smirk too, while Clay, Sonny and Brock are confused.
"I did" Jason cockily nods, smiling, and he and Ray dramatically give each other hand shakes and a hug. As if Jason's baby boy was just delivered at the hospital in 1960.
"What the fuck is going on" Sonny expresses what Clay and Brock are also feeling.
"You've got your Bravo One back, Sonny" Jason loudly tells him, grinning, and it's a chaos of handshakes, taps on the back, loud words of encouragement, Sonny yelling how thankful he is that Thirty Mike will finally be out the door and back to Charlie Team, and in the meantime I stand up to politely greet Jason, pretending as if I didn't know anything, but I'm relieved that he didn't change his mind, or that Lindell didn't put an obstacle to him being back to Bravo again.
Jason sees me standing up and stops celebrating with the guys to face me.
"Welcome back to the team, then" I affectionately tell him, and he's still grinning from before, and his smile fades to a smirk. But a seductive smirk, matching his eyes.
"Thanks, Vicky" he murmurs, giving me an intense stare that makes me burn inside. I like when he's happy and feels alive, I've concluded.
"So, you heard me last night when I said it wasn't regressing, huh" Clay says next to Jason, and we turn to listen to him. "When we're returning to something that we love" Clay finishes his trail of thought, and it's a good one. He's a poet.
"Yeah. Can't be wrong, if I'm doing what I love" Jason poetically tells Clay, placing a hand on his shoulder, shaking it a bit, and their bromance is adorable. I feel a little jealous.
"We should celebrate, man" Sonny interrupts the cute 'Clayson' scene to entice everyone to go to the bar, as usual.
"Dude" Ray's in disbelief, "We were just at The Bulkhead last night". Sonny shrugs, not getting what's the issue. Just a normal week for him. He's at the bar at least three times a week.
"Calm down, guys" Jason gestures, already leading the group again, "Lindell will make me work extra hard for these next few days, to get the paperwork done, and I need to analyze and sign some reports too. Then I can transfer back to Bravo next week, and he'll probably make us do some trainings again, with me back as One.
"Well, we can celebrate on the weekend, then" Sonny says anxious, and Jason shrugs, agreeing.
"The guys at The Bulkhead will be very confused about our latest celebrations" Ray states, with reason, because the last time we were there it was because Jason was probably leaving. Not anymore.
"We can have it at my place, if you want. This time I don't think it's going to rain, we can hang outside at the patio and by the fireplace" I tell them, because I don't mind. My house ends up even cleaner than it was before, after I call the guys for gatherings there. They drink a lot but clean after themselves, they're very polite.
"Oh, way better. Yes." Clay quickly says, and Brock nods, grinning.
"I'll go anywhere there's beer" Sonny joyfully says.
Jason twitches his head to the side. "You guys been to her house?" he asks, realizing that I had gatherings at my place and he wasn't invited, trying to disguise the fact that he regrets not keeping in touch with the guys.
"Sure" Sonny says. "Bravo Team, man".
"I don't know it yet" Ray quickly says, slightly raising his hand, "I was out of town, taking my Officer's course".
Jason pouts. "Clay wasn't in Bravo for the past months".
The guys stay in silence and I'm the only one with balls in there, apparently.
I sigh. "You didn't keep in touch. Clay did. When the guys invited you to do stuff, or have a beer at The Bulkhead, you were always busy" I explain, shrugging.
"I was" Jason stubbornly says, and the guys deviate their looks. He knows that he's the one that consciously distanced himself from the guys. He even admitted it to me when we talked at the hospital in Tunisia. But he's regretting it. "I'm not complaining. I was just curious that they knew your house, that's all".
"Well, great then" I grin at him, "So if you're ok with it, we can do something at my place. Just name the day".
Jason looks around, pouting. "Friday's good, if it's okay with you. Or Saturday" he says, and the guys nod and shrug, happily agreeing with either day.
"Don't you have to finish reports and stuff?" I ask, confused. It's Wednesday. Before, he talked as if he had to work long hours reading, signing and writing papers for days. I was sure he'd say Sunday night.
"Yeah" Jason answers, confused. "I'll stay late this week to finish until Friday. Maybe Saturday then? For lunch. Just in case".
I pout. Probably the reports aren't that long, Jason just really hates to write and read them, for sure. "O-key then. Saturday it is. 1100 hours?" I ask, and the guys nod, agreeing.
Sonny raises his hand. "Can we bring bathing suits?" Sonny asks, anxious and smiling, and I chuckle.
"I don't mind" I shrug, and the guys shrug too.
"There's a pool?" Ray asks, curious.
"Nope" Sonny answers for me, "Jacuzzi, man. It won't be raining, right, so why not?"
"We're bringing the ladies too, right?" Ray asks, cautious, because he's definitely not in the mood to get inside a jacuzzi with a bunch of dudes. We all look at the team leader for the answer.
"Sure. If Vicky agrees. I mean, it's her house after all" Jason answers, glancing at me.
"I prefer it" I tell them, and quickly gesture, "Not that I don't love your company. But I like hanging out with the girls, too", I say, glancing at Jason. But I don't know if he noticed my tease, because I don't think that Natalie mingled with Stella or even Naima that much. And she didn't even talk to Lisa.
Jason smirks. "Ok then. Davis too, of course".
"Shouldn't we call Blackburn? And Austin" Ray suggests, and he's right. Jason instantly nods when he hears Blackburn's name, but hesitates when he hears Austin's. But then agrees. Interesting.
This will be quite a big gathering, after all.
.
.
Gathering scheduled, we all spread out on our equipments again, except I ditch my leg press and just sit on a bench and pretend someday I'll lift those weights with my arms and hands.
"Are you hurt?" Jason comes closer to me, and quietly asks, concerned.
I chuckle. "I didn't lift anything. I'm feeling a bit lazy today, that's all".
"Oh. Yes, I saw you doing nothing" he teases me, chuckling. "Thought maybe you pulled a muscle or something. You know. Last night" he murmurs to me, so the guys won't hear it. Clay, who was near me, walked closer to Ray.
I blush and smirk at him. "No. Don't worry" I say, looking at him. He's all sweaty and smiley. Happy. Cute again. Alive again. And looking at me with a shy look, obviously remembering what we did last night.
"Yeah… I think I'm gonna go" I casually say, in a normal tone, and Sonny and Brock, next to us, hear me too. But I gaze at Jason when I say that. I feel empowered and bold, I hope it doesn't backfire like my other bold ideas did. "I worked out enough. Going home, put these muscles to rest" I tell them, without a hint of seduction, and they all say goodbye, while Jason also says goodbye but keeps looking at me with hesitancy and some confusion. But I won't hint anything at him now, I prefer to just text him. I get my phone when I'm walking away. My previous text to Jason was just 'Here'. This one wouldn't be so short, but it would be similar.
"Don't shower when you're done" I text him, and look back after a couple of seconds that I sent it. Jason quickly grabs his phone and reads it, then looks at me. I had a sassy smirk on my face, but I'm so filled with lust that I end up looking very serious at him. And he looks at me with the same expression when he reads my text. I quickly turn and continue to walk out of the gym, and now I feel nervous, and not just excited.
I almost run to my car, getting more nervous by the second, because Jason looked at me as if I was a prey and he was about to hunt me, and I'm definitely not used to it. I'm usually the huntress, dating guys like Thomas or the new bartender, cute and shy, but absolutely predictable. I sense that I was picking the wrong type of guys all this time. Or maybe it wouldn't work out with Jason either, but I don't know. That's the thing, I have no idea. I don't even know if he's going to show up, because he could just easily be busy, or too tired, and I feel the urge to text him again and say that something came up and we couldn't do anything, just so that I wouldn't be left stood up. But when I get home I decide to give him a way out, but keep the invitation open.
"If you're tired that's ok too. Just saying" I write to him, checking to see if I spelled every word correctly, and hesitating about using an emoji or not. I decide not too.
As soon as I get home, I change my mind about how I want to enjoy Jason, in case he actually shows up, of course. I was thinking about taking him upstairs to shower with me, but I remember what Sonny said before, and how the jets from the jacuzzi are good for the muscles. So I place my phone on the dining table and walk outside to turn the jacuzzi and jets on. Even though it's already dark, the water is warm, because it was a sunny day and the jacuzzi was covered. I walk back to the dining room and take off my sneakers and socks. I'm hot and it 's not from working out, because I barely lifted any weight. It's from Jason's stare.
I place my sneakers under a bench next to the door, and look at my phone to see if Jason answered something, and the notification appears. But when I look at it, it says 'Message erased', and at that moment, he texts me "Here". I smile, but hesitate, because I don't know what he texted before. Maybe he wasn't really in a mood but felt it was harsh to tell me or decline the 'offer'.
Even so, he came a lot faster than I thought he would, because I must have left the gym less than fifteen minutes before he did, and he arrived at the gym almost half an hour after me, so I thought he'd stay a lot longer, at least another half an hour.
I exhale, to calm down, because I'm nervous again, even nauseated a bit. I open the door and he's looking at me stern, and I'm so anxious that I need to know if he really wants to be there, so I gesture for him to not come inside. He frowns.
"What did you text before? That you erased" I ask him, breaking the mood.
He frowns harder and squirms. "Why?"
"It's just that it's ok if you're tired. Really. No pressure" I quickly tell him, with an understanding look.
His frown disappears, and he opens his mouth and hesitates, still looking serious at me. "Never".
I frown. "Never what?" Is he never going to tell me what he wrote?
"I wrote" he says, taking a small step closer to me, "Never".
It takes me a couple of seconds to understand what his answer meant, because I didn't even remember exactly what I wrote before, and he patiently waits for my reaction, tapping his fingers on the door frame, a little agitated. I feel like he's about to advance at me, but I'm starting to feel like the nervousness inside of me is actually a good feeling, especially now that he told me what he wrote. He was hesitant to write it, so he erased it; who knows, maybe he was insecure. But, still. He's telling me now.
So, to avoid his imminent advance, I walk backwards, glancing seriously at him, for him to follow me, just like he did in J-Bad, when he followed me to the alley. I don't look back while I walk to the glass door that leads to the backyard and place my phone on the outdoor table. I start to take my clothes off when I reach the outdoor patio, close to where the jacuzzi is. Of course, no neighbors can see me, and the backyard is incredibly secluded, because one of the houses has a very high wall around their backyard, and the other house also has a high wall, with no vision to my backyard, and is built on the other side of the lot. So, the jacuzzi and patio are under the stars, but totally private.
I undress completely and loosen my hair, and only then I stop and turn to see where Jason is, and he's taking off his boxer briefs, already close to the jacuzzi, staring at me stern, with an expression of hunger. I could vomit from how much I want him right now, this can't be normal.
When he's naked, and already completely hard, even though we didn't touch at all, I get into the jacuzzi, on the other side of where Jason is, and he does the same. I hunch down, completely covered by the water, and he mimics me, not deviating his stare. He waits for my next move and I make my way, hunched down, to where he is, and he understands that I want him to stay seated there. Because I want to sit on him.
I come close to him and his face is still a bit sweaty, his hair is wet, and from this distance I can see he hasn't shaved this morning after leaving my place and before going to work, there's almost a stubble now. The silence makes me even more tense, but it definitely is a good feeling, because I'm already pulsating hard for him. Jason is heavily breathing and licks his lips, expecting. I place my hands on the border of the jacuzzi, not touching Jason, and straddle him, still not touching any part of his body. He swallows, staring at me, while I sit on his erection. I stop when I feel his tip touching me and he gasps, feeling it too. I lick my lips to focus, because it's difficult, and I move my hips slightly to make his tip touch my clit, and when it does we both gasp, and I lazily continue to move so that my clit rubs his tip.
It feels amazing and while I gasp Jason is breathing hard, even shuddering. It's so silent that we only hear the bubbles of the jet and our breaths. But I start to feel that not touching him more is a torture to myself, so after a minute I move my hips so that his erection now grazes my core. And when it does, I immediately lower myself, very slowly, and we both moan, looking at each other. He frowns when I finally have him all inside of me, throbbing, and he slightly moves his legs under me, I can see he's impatient, and so am I. He looks at me now with an anxious look, and I have the same look on my face. I lean my body just a little closer to his, and my breasts slightly graze his chest, my face is right next to his. He loudly gasps again, and neither of us can take it anymore. I'm not touching him anywhere else other than his erection and my nipples grazing his chest.
"Touch me, Jason" I plead to him, with a trembling voice, and in a heartbeat his expression changes from anxiousness to hunger. He quickly embraces me completely with his arms and kisses my lips, squeezing my body against his torso, and I immediately start to move up and down around him, moving my hands through his hair. His body is warm, just like the water, and the sexual tension built was so big that I'm moaning at every move, and so is he. And we're not quiet.
I mess and slightly pull his hair, then I lick him from his chest to neck, to taste his skin, and he groans. He moves one hand to my butt and squeezes it so hard that I gasp, but I love it and move faster and harder. I glue my body to his, so that I can feel his skin against mine. He licks and kisses my neck too, and gently pulls my hair with his hand because he wants to taste my breasts too, and he does. He eagerly licks, kisses and even bites them, and I close my eyes to focus. But the water is not warm anymore, it's hot, and so are we, and I'm starting to feel dizzy. It would take a while for the water to cool off, I should've turned it off earlier. But I don't want to part from him, so I embrace him completely, wrapping my arms around his neck, and still moving.
"I don't want to stop" I confess in his ear, not making sense to him.
"Then don't. Just don't" Jason stutters in my ear, and he holds my hips and starts to thrust into me too, and I feel even hotter now. I realize we may pass out from the heat if we continue.
"We should get out, it's too hot" I finally explain when I reach my limit, and he probably feels the same way, because he quickly nods, looking at me, serious and sweating. I don't want to waste any time, and I'm getting dizzier by the second, so I quickly stand up and clumsily kiss him when he stands up too, then I clumsily wander to the outdoor sofa nearby on the patio, and lay there, waiting for him. A couple of seconds later Jason is already climbing the sofa on top of me, with his hungry eyes and sweating. He kisses me passionately and firmly grabs my thighs, raising them, then thrusts into me very slowly, but soon he starts to move faster. He looks like he's light-headed, just like I am.
"You taste amazing" I mumble while I lick and bite his neck and shoulder, not even caring about what he thinks. I'm in a feverish haze.
"You're so delicious" Jason also has no control of his thoughts or tongue, and he pulls my hair with his hands, that is partially wet from the jacuzzi, then kisses and licks my neck. His chest is rubbing on my breasts. "So, so delicious" he says, and grunts, then starts to thrust faster and harder.
Now my body is finally starting to cool off, but I still feel my core pulsating and burning, and I start to move my hips aggressively against Jason, grinding on him. I'm impatient to come, and he turns impatient too, moving faster and harder.
"Yes" I almost yell, smiling, and Jason distances his face from my neck to look at me, and he has a dangerous smile on his face, like he's competing with someone to make me come. With himself, that is.
"Come on, Vicky" he dangerously says to my face, gritting his teeth and fucking me fast and hard, "Come on" he repeats, and he starts to pant and now he sounds desperate. He's pleading. He presses my thigh and holds my head in his hand, and I notice I'm pressing and scratching his back and shoulders, but I can't stop, I'm so close. He thrusts even harder and my orgasm rips through my body and I cry out loud, clenching hard around his erection, and feel Jason throbbing and coming right after me, loudly grunting.
"Hum. Oh God" I say with my voice and lips trembling, while I try to catch my breath, still a bit foggy about what's going on.
Jason is looking at me, with a perplexed and lost expression too, also breathless, and he nods. "What the fuck" he uses one of his favorite words.
"That it was" I joke, smiling and raising my eyebrows, and he chuckles, but he's still breathless, so he has to stop. I look at him, all red and cute, and just stop for a minute to softly kiss him, and his lips are still hot; soon we are slowly kissing, and soon after that, we're eagerly kissing, with Jason still inside of me. But I need a break, or I'll faint. I'm breathless and thirsty, so I stop our kiss.
"I'm thirsty. And hungry" I tell Jason, and he nods, agreeing, so he sits on the sofa and helps me sit and stand up. Thing is, I don't have any towels down here, because Jason arrived so fast that I didn't have the time to prepare the place, and I really don't want to walk around naked in front of him. And I surely don't want to wear my gym clothes over my wet body.
"Can I borrow your t-shirt for now?" I shyly ask.
"Sure" he smiles, and quickly gets his shorts and his t-shirt from the floor, next to us. I put his t-shirt on and it's bigger than I thought it would be, it covers everything, which is great. He puts on his short and we go to the kitchen, where I fill two tall glasses with cold water. We drink it all at once.
"I'm sorry for almost boiling us. I forgot to turn the water heater off" I explain, with a guilty smile, and Jason laughs. His delicious laughter again; can't get enough of it.
"I thought that all that steam was a little bit too much" he says, amused, and leaning on the kitchen island. Shirtless. It's so weird to have him in my house, especially shirtless and sweating. And with a post-orgasm glow.
"I'll remember that on Saturday" I smile, and he nods, shy. I hesitate, but I don't think it's a big deal to feed a frogman. "I was going to ask for takeout tonight, I don't have anything to cook here. Would you like some too?"
"Sure. But it's on me, huh. I eat three times what you eat" he answers, smiling and grabbing his phone. He has a point, so I shrug, agreeing. "What are you in the mood for?"
I'm in the mood for anything hot and salty, but I'm not a pushover, so I give him a few options. "Anything hot and salty. Chinese, Mexican, Italian".
He stares at me, suspicious. He knows I gave him too many options. "What about American? Burger?"
I can't believe that he couldn't pick any of the options I gave him, but tonight I truly don't mind. If I was really in the mood for something specific, I'd let him know, for sure. "Sure" I shrug, "Like I said, anything salty and hot".
But I'm quite hungry, so I ask for a double cheeseburger. Jason orders something tripled with tripled of something else, with bacon and fries.
"I'm glad you'll be back to operating. You'd easily gain weight otherwise" I tease.
He raises his eyebrows, while still ordering on his phone. "I wouldn't be eating this much. I'm starving".
"You're not operating yet" I state, sassy.
"No" he smiles at me, naughty, "I'm not".
"You and your 'extra energy to spend'" I casually sigh, leaning on the countertop. I hold a wave of nausea when thinking about him spending his extra energy with Natalie, because I'm trying to find out how long ago did he and Natalie broke up. "Did you really decide to go back to operating just last night?" I ask, cautious. And curious.
He sighs, crossing his arms and making his chest and biceps look even bigger. "I kinda knew, I just didn't want to admit it. Because everyone was implying that I was relapsing if I continued as Bravo One, or went back to it. But I just realized, as time passed, that I felt more at home in the battlefield. I talked to Ray after our dinner there last week, he also thought that maybe I was going to San Diego for the wrong reasons" he explains, and now I'm even more curious.
"What were the reasons why you were going?" I shyly and quietly ask, afraid of his answer.
He quickly glances at me. "Ray asked if I was running towards something I thought I wanted, or just running away from something that I didn't want".
I love Ray. Wisest guy ever. But Jason didn't answer what I wanted to know about Natalie.
"Why didn't you tell the guys last night that you weren't going to San Diego then?" I ask, curious.
He shrugs. "Never told them I was going. Natalie told Ray and Naima, and you" he quickly glances at me, "and probably to others, but I was just thinking about it. That's why I didn't make a speech or anything. Ray wanted me to tell the guys, but there was nothing for me to tell them".
"So when you decided not to go to San Diego, I'm guessing you and Natalie broke up" I try to extract information from him. He nods, glancing away. I exhale. "When did you guys break up?"
He slightly squirms. "Yesterday. We talked before I left to go to the Bulkhead, because I told her I wasn't sure if I was really going to San Diego, she wanted an answer from me. Then after I left The Bulkhead, we talked again, and I confirmed I wouldn't go there, and wanted to stay here and go back to Bravo. We broke up".
His answer surprises me, a lot, and not in a good way. "But when you drove me here you said that you had already broken up" I say, instinctively walking backwards.
"I did" he gestures for me to calm down, "I talked to Clay, decided, left the bar, went to her place. We broke up, and I was driving to my place when I passed by The Bulkhead and saw you standing there at the front of the bar, alone" he points at me with his hand.
I must have looked very pathetic there, that's why he said I looked like a damsel-in-distress. And I'm feeling weird because he had broken up for, what, less than an hour, and I already slept with him. And worse, he broke up with her because he won't go to San Diego. The only reason, from what I can gather. If she stayed, or if she decides not to go anymore, they'll get back together.
I need some time to think. "I'll go get you a towel and put on some clothes too, so you're not shirtless when the delivery guy arrives" I tell him, and quickly walk up the stairs.
I come back wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and hand him back his t-shirt. It's one of the Navy's training t-shirts, that has 'Hayes' written on the back. He quickly wears it again after drying himself with the towel, but he was almost dry already. I swallow, because if we were dating, or even if we could be dating, I could wear that t-shirt all the time. But I could never be seen anywhere wearing it now. The food arrives and Jason takes it and pays for the delivery guy, giving him a good tip, while I wait in the kitchen, hidden, just in case.
"There you go, the small one's for ya" Jason playfully hands me the burger, and I try to match his mood, but deep down I can't. I'm melancholic about life, and while we eat and he drinks a beer, I let my melancholy shine through.
"How is it when you go to an op? Like, a riskier one" I ask, watching him joyfully devour his burger because he's so happy to return to Bravo and risk his life every week, sometimes every day of the week.
"Well. We keep focused, and plan ahead to avoid surprises the most that we can" he explains, chewing and swallowing.
I stare at him. "I know. I mean. How does it feel like? Do you wake up more nervous? Probably, right? Then what, you think about it while you brush your teeth?" I ask, curious. Even us soldiers, if we are called to go to war, it's not the same as being a voluntary enlisted Seal, that knows the mission ahead, plans, and is very aware of the many things that could happen. "Because you know you'll be assaulting that day. It's not like when you're waiting around for someone to attack you eventually" I try to explain my curiosity.
Jason almost finished his burger while I asked him that. He's fast. Glad that he's only fast while running and eating, and not while doing other things too. He looks down, pensive.
"I try to focus on the technical part of it. Don't know about the other guys, how it is for them. I just make sure that we covered as much as we could, then try not to think about the risks too much" he mutters, sipping his beer. He obviously can't admit it, but he's probably terrified every time, for the lives of his brothers and his, but that's where his adrenaline comes from.
"Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time" I melodically tell him, putting my burger down. He puts his beer down and looks at me like I'm weird. I am, of course, but I have my reasons. Besides, he's kind of weird too.
"It's a song" I explain. "You're not the only one" I calmly state, coming down of my stool to stand close to him, and he watches me, suspicious. "You're an adrenaline addict, and also a good guy. You picked a perfect job for you, but it's also the most dangerous one". I lazily cup my hands on his face, then graze my fingers on his forehead, cheeks and chin.
"You didn't have to. It shows you're a great guy, not just a good one. I'm sorry for what you have to deal with" I say, sincere, and his eyes squint. He blinks, maybe he's emotional, but I don't mind it and softly kiss him. "Thank you" I murmur to him, gently kissing his lips again, thanking him for what he does. I don't think I could do it. Not voluntarily, at least.
Jason looks at me, with his face still close to mine, and glances at my lips, then away. I distance myself from him, smirking because he and the guys are always so humble, and sit back down on the stool to finish my burger. He sips his beer, silent.
"Do you think that Sonny will manage to grill for everyone on Saturday?" I ask, because I'm nervous that he kept saying he didn't want help from anyone. I'm afraid that we'll starve until the middle of the afternoon, when he finally concludes that his meat is perfectly cooked.
Jason clears his throat, and pouts. "Don't worry. Ray and I will convince him that he needs help" he tells me, smiling, and I'm sure of it. I relax a little.
"Okay, this is too much, even for me" I solemnly give up eating the rest of my giant burger. "Oh God" I suddenly realize, and stand up from the stool, alarmed, and Jason looks at me, frowning, "I forgot the jacuzzi still 's boiling" I quickly get up to go there and yes, the water is almost at boiling point now, so I turn it completely off and leave it uncovered, or else it won't cool down until I go to sleep, to cover it back up.
"Is it okay?" Jason asks, concerned, and I nod, walking back to the kitchen. Jason stands next to me, looking.
"Do you… want the rest of the burger?" I ask him, because I don't doubt that he could eat the burger I left too, but he shakes his head, smirking, so I throw it out.
"When did you say is your next appointment with the neurologist? To see if you're cleared to get back to work" he asks, while I put the plates in the dishwasher.
"Monday" I tell him, smiling, "And the last time he said that if nothing changes, I could probably get back to work".
I turn to face him, and now I feel awkward, because I'm not sure if he wants to go home now, or do something a couple would do, like watch tv, or…
Jason lets me know what he wants, though, because he hunches down and gently kisses me in the middle of the kitchen. I melt, as always, but now I'm aware that he could be getting back together with Natalie tomorrow or the next week. And even if not, he chose her over me, at every opportunity. So it's hard for me when he comes all cute and gentle, because we're not dating. We can't, but even if we could, I don't think that we would be dating. Because he never gave me any hint that he wanted anything serious, and if he did, still I'd be his second pick, and I'd never accept that. I'm not that desperate.
Still, I melt anyways, while he slowly kisses me, holding me from the waist. He'd usually have his hands all over me by now, but I'm not complaining. I still love just to kiss him.
"I'll wake up earlier tomorrow" Jason mutters when he stops kissing me, after a few minutes, "So I should go" he says, and sounds sincere. It's still early, but he even had dinner here, and he actually worked out at the gym, unlike me, so he truly must be tired.
"Okay" I tell him, smiling, still in his arms. And I don't want him to feel pressured to come back here tomorrow or the next day, he'll be working for longer hours, at least that's what he said. And I'll see him in two and a half days, anyways. And maybe at the Base, because Lisa wants to have lunch with me tomorrow or the next day.
"So, you'll probably be busy for the next days. See you on Saturday then?" I ask him, caressing his broad shoulders. I love those.
"U-hum" he says, then softly kisses my lips. "See you Saturday" he walks to the front door. "Hey, Sonny and I will buy all the stuff and bring it here. Is it ok if we come by at 1030 then?" he turns, while I walk to him.
"Sure. Lisa will probably come earlier too" I let him know, and he nods.
"Okay then. See you on Saturday. Bye" he says, smiling, and then he opens the door just a little, checks if there's someone at the front, and only then he leaves, quickly closing the door behind him.
Another reminder of the hopeless relationship that we have. If we even have that.
I sigh and slightly open my door again, to watch Jason walk fast to his car, that he parked across the street, just in case. He suspiciously looks to the sides before crossing the street, not afraid of cars, but of bumping into acquaintances.
I'm liking too much this 'friends-with-benefits' thing, but I'm also very aware that I shouldn't be in a relationship like that, especially at this point in my life. I've already had relationships with no future before; I want to be with someone who I can count on, and share things. Not an illegal sexual relationship with my co-worker who barely broke up and may get back together with his ex. When I describe our 'fling' like that, it's even worse. But it's the truth.
But as I watch Jason getting into his car and drive away, I sniff and smell his scent on me and my clothes. I close the door, pensive.
That's a decision that I can make some other day. Not now.
.