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ANBU Files

=ANBU=

Chapter 1: Uchiha Satori

=ANBU=

Part 1

=ANBU=

ANBU HQ

Konoha

During his first therapy session, Satori began to suspect that the Hokage was playing the long game with him. Hinting that now that he would be rejoining the living, it might be a good idea to begin work on restoring his Clan. The second session kinda confirmed it, because there was no way this was a coincidence, nor there was a chance it wasn't monitored by ANBU guards who would report to the Hokage… if the old man wasn't busy watching the show through his infamous crystal ball.

For a brief moment, Tiger, no Satori, he had to think of himself as Uchiha Satori again, thought that he might be a mite too paranoid. Then he looked back at his therapist – one Yamanaka Kaede who looked back at him with an expression of a cat that just ate the canary so to speak.

It suited her very well now just as it did all those years ago.

Nope. There was no way in hell that his therapist just happened to be the one Yamanaka who had a crush on him for years before they became lovers for the duration of the Third Shinobi War. He had to admit that for a woman in her mind thirties, Kaede looked more than fine. In fact she had a bit more curves than the last time he saw her, which was some time before Itachi went on the deep end, though it was obvious to see that she kept up with her training. She still moved with the grace of a predator – a good way to distinguish a Shinobi or Kunochi from civilian unless they had extensive training to blend in with the general population, not to mention that her form fitting kimono nicely showed both her curves and muscles.

Kaede saw where his eyes went unbidden, again, and smirked.

"Are you interviewing all your patients wearing this?" Satori asked bluntly.

"Only those who have been good boys, Satori-kun." Kaede's pleasant alto still called back some pleasant memories from better times and stirred a certain part of his anatomy that went unused for years now besides the all but mandatory visits to the Red Lights district to let out some steam.

He could vividly remember what her reward for him being a 'good boy' entailed too. If things had turned differently and he hadn't joined ANBU in no small part due to pressure from the Clan to excel and not throw away such prestigious opportunity, who knew where their relationship might have led. Then again, if that had happened, he might not have met Aoi in the first place. Satori shook his head and met Kaede's sparkling eyes. She was quite amused at the reactions she could still get from him. Some thing it seemed never changed.

"I do have the whole day free for you, Satori-kun." Kaede purred. "You can speak after your eyes have had their fill and you've untangled your tongue."

"Who did you blackmail to get this assignment?" Satori asked after face-palming at her antics.

"Blackmail? Little old me?" Kaede gave him an expression that was pure innocence, complete with huge, guileless blue eyes that you can easy lose yourself into. If he didn't know her better, he would have fallen for said look.

When Satori didn't bulge, Kaede pouted cutely and bit her lower lip. Were those tears forming in the corners of her eyes? That was certainly new and he was pretty sure it wasn't Genjutsu.

"You've practised this a lot, haven't you?"

"Not really. My little niece came with it couple of years ago. The tears are a nice twist, don't you think?"

"I must admit, you have a strange idea of what therapy entails." Satori frowned.

"Who is the licensed psychologist here? Besides, I actually know you and consider myself to be your friend, Satori-kun." And just like that, Kaede was all business, though her eyes held a lot of sympathy. "I don't need to play the usual games with you, besides you've much more relaxed now, aren't you?"

Satori snorted. "I wouldn't say that I'm exactly relaxed."

"We might take care of that later, if you're a good boy." Kaede winked at him.

"You'll have to buy me a dinner first, perhaps take me out on couple of dates." Satori needled.

"Well, we're having our second date in years right now so that's taken care of." Kaede said in irrelevant tone. "Now, I won't be bullshitting you, Satori-kun. With Orochimaru, Itachi and a few other incidents, the Hokage and his advisory council are concerned about the mental stability of our forces. While that fossil Shimura would love to have us all be emotionless killers kept on a short leash, we both know that once we really break we are less effective in the field, especially when the mission isn't to murder the fuck of everything in sight."

"It's simply stunning to think that Shimura's drones don't make the best soldiers, though they're very good assassins and deniable assets, I'll give them that." Satori grumbled.

"As you know, you bloody log, I'm actually your friend, Satori-kun. I'll help you get your head straight and not just because I want you as a lover and more." Kaede grew serious. "We do have issues and by we I meant Konoha. Some of our most powerful Shinobi are quite broken, Hatake and Maito Guy being prime examples. Now, if you were anyone else I wouldn't be telling you thins." Kaede leaned forward, giving him a nice view of her deeply cut cleavage. "First, eyes up here!" She snapped and pointed a callused finger at her blue orbs. "Your cousin is a mess after whatever Itachi did to him on top of losing his whole Clan. Our Jinchuriki isn't much better, though for a bunch of different reasons. At least some of their issues can be laid at Shimura's feet because the bastard wants them as his personal attack dogs and has been pulling strings to eventually get them under his influence."

And just like that, Satori had to evaluate everything that happened since the Hokage came to visit him after his latest debriefing. Kaede wouldn't be making such accusations without clearance from on high unless she had changed drastically from the woman who he knew… and that wasn't something which he could dismiss as a possibility.

"Your mental condition, which as I said we'll be fixing, came to light at a most fortunate time. By the time Sasuke's class graduates, we'll have you up to speed and in proper shape to deal with Genin without traumatizing them more than they can handle. Congratulations, you'll have your cousin and Konoha's most important strategic asset to shape up into proper Shinobi and I'll be helping you every step of the way."

"I see. Where does your desire to ravish me come into it?" Satori snipped while thinking about everything Kaede said and how she acted ever since the start of their firsttherapy session two days ago.

"Well, the Hokage isn't dumb enough to order one of his Shinobi to take a wife and get busy making little Uchiha, even if he's one of two remaining loyal members of said Clan. However, he can offer all kinds of incentives that the advisory council would eagerly back. And as you put it all those years ago, I'm still eager to have my wicked way with you." She shrugged. "Or let you have your way with me depending on the mood. As I said, incentives." She shrugged, a motion that did wonderful things to her perky breasts.

"Kami-damn it, Kaede!"

"I'm a woman who knows what she wants and I've wanted you for a very long time. Besides, you're no longer an active ANBU and I'm tired of being pissed off at you, Satori-kun."

Satori looked at the ceiling and sighed. "Hokage-sama, you're a piece of work..."

"At least he isn't as bad as Jiraya-san."

"Given his position, he simply can't afford to be."

"See, this was just like the old times." Kaede beamed. "We'll have you fixed in a short order."

"Did you mean to say fucked?"

"That too." She nodded. "See, just now I got you to speak more than you've spoken the whole past week, debriefings not counting. Progress!"

=ANBU=

Part 2

=ANBU=

Uchiha compound

Konoha

It took two weeks of therapy, debriefings and handling all the paperwork that came with coming back from the dead and assuming leadership of the Uchiha Clan at least until Sasuke was either sixteen, Jonin and had his head straight before the Hokage allowed Satori to show his face in public. After some deliberations it was decided that a public announcement would do morale some good – there really hadn't been any major good news for Konoha ever since the Fox rampaged throughout the village and after that Itachi had his murderous temper tantrum. At least there weren't any more disasters, something that gave the Leaf precious time to continue its recovery. All that meant Satori would have to come clean as much as he could with his remaining clansman. It also heralded his return to the Uchiha Compound, which nowadays resembled a solemn mausoleum instead of place where people would willingly live in. Satori was determined to change that because he didn't need his therapist to tell him that "living" in there by himself and Sasuke would be anything but healthy. He already had some plans in motion but they would have to wait for tomorrow afternoon before coming into effect.

Today, he came to his old home, which he had used Shadow Clones to keep in a decent condition from the inside for no other reason that his now gone family would have wanted it that way. He nodded at a pair of Genin teams busy fixing the exterior. A big boned Akimichi girl snacked on a protein bar while her only male teammate – an Inuzuka boy berated her along with their third teammate – a bored looking Nara girl. A pair of ninja dogs sat nearby with their attention divided between their partner and the Akimichi's snack. The other team consisted of a pair of boys with no obvious Clan characteristics and an exasperated Huuga girl glaring at them and the fence they just messed up painting - its two corners were bright with fresh green paint, one light, the other quite dark. Satori suppressed a smirk when the Jonin Senseis paused their commiseration to look at him and recognized him as an Uchiha. He knew them by sight, though at the moment his mind couldn't recall the names. Just that they were more or less average Jonin as far as the ANBU briefings he had seen suggested. No doubt, by nightfall Konoha would be alight with rumours. It was an ironic contradiction – Shinobi who usually lived and died because based on intelligence were amongst the worst gossips of them all.

Once in his living room, Satori went to the couch he had spent many pleasant evenings back in the day and pulled out a sealing scroll from a pocket of his vest. A puff of smoke later he held three files – those of his future Genin team if the academy students in question managed to graduate. Satori put aside two of the folders and opened that of his brother.

His eyes flickered over some general information about the boy he either already knew or could easily deduce. No real surprises about his academy standings – Sasuke had been at the top of his class since the start, however despite that his achievements weren't really exceptional. Certainly nothing like what the likes of Itachi, Orochimaru or a number of now dead Uchiha prodigies displayed. Yet, Sasuke had been hailed as a genius ever since he "recovered" from the massacre and that was on top of people, especially amongst the civilians bending for him because of his status as the "last Uchiha". Kaede was right, the boy was likely messed up and not just because of what happened to their Clan. Satori sighed after browsing through what passed for Sasuke's psychological evaluation and he didn't need to be a specialist or average Yamanaka to see it left a lot to be desired.

Both the Hokage and Kaede were right, he would have his hands full with Sasuke. Satori put down the folder and massaged the bridge of his nose – he was already feeling a building headache. What did he do to deserve being stuck back in Konoha as a future Jonin Sensei no less?!

Barring a miracle, Sasuke wouldn't accept the revelation that he had a relative who survived the massacre yet went to ground and never contacted him in the past few years well. That's all but given. That's why, this afternoon, after today's classes in the academy were over, an ANBU would be summoning Sasuke to the Hokage's tower so they could break the news more gently. While Satori's evaluation claimed he was becoming better adjusted, after years spent in ANBU with little to no contact with the outside world, his people skills had rather atrophied.

Bluntly put, neither the Hokage, nor Kaede trusted him to handle the revelation right unless they were there to look over his shoulder or hold his hand. It was both amusing and frustrating. The fact that they were likely right and he knew it was simply… troublesome and wasn't that such a nice, all encompassing word. Another sigh followed and Satori opened the file of troublesome potential future student number two.

Uzumaki Naruto. It was a miracle that everyone in the village didn't know who the brat's father was. Obviously, most people were wilfully blind – of course the demon brat couldn't be the son of their beloved Fourth Hokage. Then they wouldn't have someone to hate and blame for that awful night twelve years ago. While an understandable reaction given the trauma, it still grated to those who knew the truth. Those were the memories and impression the Uzumaki's whiskered picture pulled to the surface of Satori's mind.

The meat of the file was actually rather interesting, certainly more than Sasuke's. While academically Uzumaki raced the Inuzuka and Nara's heirs for the dead last position, there were markers indicating possible academic sabotage combined with short attention span that made book learning much harder unless you had a proper support structure to make you actually read and learn from your books. More than a few of Satori's own friends back in the day had similar issues, however with the help of supportive families they could overcome them until they learned how to manage such conditions. Needless to say, Uzumaki didn't have such support.

Then there were all the times he skipped class to go prank people, successfully at that. There were a few cases the brat gave ANBU a mild challenge at least as long as they didn't take chasing him down seriously. Certainly, the brat's stealth skills and creativity when he really put his mind to task were at the top if not a bit better than what one might expect from an academy student. So despite the other shortcomings painstakingly outlined within the file, the brat actually had potential and not just because of whose his parents were. Or perhaps it was that pedigree that allowed him to show occasional rays of potential with so much stacked against him.

Satori closed the file and tapped it with an index finger. There were reasons why the Hokage gave him the three folders. It wasn't just so he would know in advance who he would have to train and while the old man didn't say a thing for the record, the now former ANBU Captain was perfectly capable of reading between the lines. Both Sasuke and Naruto would need various degree of help and not just after they potentially graduated. Well, in Sasuke's case, unless his mental evaluation he would be getting once Satori officially became alive and the Clan Head so he could authorize it ensured he was unfit, it was a given that the young Uchiha would be a Genin in a few short months.

Uzumaki on the other hand, well… Satori thought about the file in his hands. That boy failed the graduation exam three times, though granted those were earlier attempts and considering what happened with a lot of Konoha's prodigies over the years, the odds were good that even if the brat was up to the task he had been intentionally held back so he wouldn't later snap under the pressure and pull Itachi, Orochimaru with a side dish of angry Jinchuriki. That however, wasn't the issue. The file was clear – Uzumaki had some atrocious gaps in his basics and was still unable to pull off the academy clone – simplest and easiest in that branch of techniques. On top of it all, such an important strategic asset had little to no connections with the village and that obviously set up multiple red flags with the "fixes" suggested being less than ideal, much less pleasant.

Satori would need to take said blond brat under his wing and kick him into gear so he would graduate. Otherwise, Danzo might just be up to the task of gaining control of said brat so he could be turned into a proper weapon for Konoha and that had a disaster written all over it.

That left the third potential member of Satori's Genin Team to be. He was almost afraid to open the last folder and see what issues the girl had. With his luck so far, Satori was almost afraid to open it.

=ANBU=

Part 3

=ANBU=

Uchiha compound

Konoha

Satori went to make a strong cup of tea reinforced with a liberal doze of rot-gut he got during a mission to the Land of Iron before everything went to hell. He was glad to find it intact within one of the secure compartments built into his house and even better, a few quick tests showed no trace of it being tampered with. It was only then he returned to his couch and dared check the third tickling time bomb the Hokage arranged for him.

The first thing Satori noticed was the pink hair of all things. He had seen a lot of strange and often outright weird things during his two decades as an active Shinobi. Pink hair however, this was just the second time. It was very distinctive and thus less than ideal for a potential Genin. Besides, said hair was quite long – a distinct disadvantage unless you had a technique making use of it. The last time anyone worth their salt was to give an enemy something to use against their very self. Another glance at the picture confirmed that the smile the girl had might indeed be genuine – it was very innocent looking after all and she was raised in peacetime. He retained measure of hope, a tiny one, that at least this Sakura might have less issues to deal with. The first part of the report was a mixed bag – the kid had civilian parents with all that entailed. Shinobi, even when not part of a bloodline tended to have better Chakra reserves and if they lived long enough to be around for raising up their children, they tended to ensure they knew the basics at least and more importantly, know what meant to be a Ninja. Those with civilian pedigree had a tougher time of it, though as Jiraya-sama demonstrated, it was perfectly possible for someone with such a background to become an S-Ranked Ninja. It just was much harder than it otherwise would be.

On the bright side, Haruno Sakura was in the run for top-Kunochi in the academy. Obviously, she had brains and if Satori had enough time to train her, that could make up for all kinds of issues! Carrying on from that thought, his brief joy died a silent and very much lamented death. Physically, the brat was way down the rankings and her placement made Satori wonder if she was simply physically weaker or didn't put in enough into training. Unfortunately, the answer was plain to see as he continued to browse the file. Sakura had been slated, among many of her peers, as a possible CRA candidate to throw at his cousin. Reading between the lines, both her parents and instructors in the academy might have been subtly encouraging her to look her best and slatted her as a future housewife ready to pump up little Uchihas on demand.

Satori's expression morphed into a terrible grimace. Again, he might just be reading between the lines and wouldn't make up his mind until he met said brat, however what the file said looked suspiciously like an obsessed fangirl, hopefully still in the making, one that Konoha intentionally engineered.

Then there was her psych report and wasn't that one interesting… The words themselves were carefully chosen, yet they did spoke for a suppressed secondary personality that might be present within the girl. Nothing too out of the ordinary or really troublesome depending on how it was handled. Usually when something like that happened, it got absorbed in the primary personality – the head docks had their fancy words and terms about those – egos, IDs, super-egos and what not, but going into detail in those was usually counter-productive. During the years and his not so brief fling with Kaede, Satori learned to comprehend enough of their language to get by and he quickly reached a conclusion that should have been obvious in hindsight: unless you were going to be a psychologist or work in the T&I department, you really didn't need to go very deep to know what you needed.

Satori slammed the file shut, drained his cooling tea and began rubbing his forehead. If those three brats all passed, he would have his hands full. He grimaced at the thought. Perhaps run them trough a modified ANBU Basic? That would either straighten them up or put them out of his misery… It wasn't like he could… Satori slowly smiled. He was coming back into the fold. No reason not to ask for help with his future students. It was clear that he would have to deal with Sasuke's issues with the help of Kaede, especially if her scheming panned out and one of those days she not only got him into her bed but became Mrs Uchiha.

Then there was The Uzumaki – a strategic asset that needed as many reasons to protect Konoha and not to simply leave, defect, or Kami forbid, us his burden against the village. Handling that ticking time bomb was going to be so much fun… Doing so would require some in depth research about the boy, how his life was, who his friends were if any, something that the file he currently possessed merely hinted at, and once all of that was done, figure out how to strengthen or even engineer as many bonds with Konoha as possible. Being a sensei Uzumaki could respect and believe in would be a good start.

Then there was the girl. The file hinted at a lot of potential and if that short blurb about her Chakra control was correct, she could make an astounding combat-medic. But first, she would need to have her head straightened up. With that thought, Satori's expression morphed into a smile terrible to behold. All that lacked was proper villainous cackling.

He wondered what was Anko-chan doing these days…

=ANBU=

The first clue Sasuke got that something was amiss was the way the villagers behaved that afternoon. The looks they threw him and the way they whispered when they saw him were as bad as the first weeks after Itachi… He grimaced at the very thought of that bastard.

Needless to say, the intense stares and wondering glances didn't fill him with confidence. What happened this time? It wasn't like that there was much anyone could take from his at this point?

Right?

Sasuke moved faster towards the Uchiha compound. The increased scrutiny brought back memories of how weak he felt after the massacre. He needed to get away from those looks and vent at one of the secluded training areas within the compound.

That plan got derailed as soon as he neared the entrance. The Hokage of all people waited for him there and that mere fact made Sasuke's heart sink. Those villages knew something bad he didn't! A wave of fear washed over him and then he froze when he saw a man approach from deeper within the compound. For an endless terrible moment, Sasuke thought that this was his brother back to finish the job but then, as he stood frozen and the man came closer and closer he could plainly see that there were differences. First, that man was taller and much older than Itachi had any right to be. Yet, those features – if he didn't know better, Sasuke would be convinced that the man was an Uchiha, something reinforced by the weird familiarity that his bearing and features screamed.

"Ah, Sasuke-kun, you're back just in time. I do have good news for you..."