Author's Note:

I've thought long and hard about how I wanna approach this. They say you have to write 100000 words of garbage before you ever write anything good. I was fortunate to get a lot of mine out of the way early and have come a long way since then.

This is a remake of something I wrote over 10 years ago. Fun fact, it was the very first thing I ever wrote. Needless to say, the original version of this story is terrible and was so bad to the point I deleted it off the site as I began maturing as a writer. But, I will always have some nostalgic fondness for it due to the fact that it was this crazy idea that made me fall in love with writing.

I'm going to be faithful to the original idea at play even though it's insane to the point of absolute stupidity and the product of an overly active imagination that was always bound for bigger things. This rewrite will simply fix up the characterization, plot, and dialogue issues to make it a much more tolerable work and I can simply enjoy just how much I've grown over the years.

Another fun fact, in the original version of the story, Hinata is actually the female lead. In the early drafts, I kept that the same. But, in what was meant to just be a fun exercise, I swapped her out for Ino to see how it would change the story and the words just FLEW out of me in a manner I really liked. I think the way I write Gaara and the way I write Ino just led them to having way better chemistry than Gaara and Hinata. I also found Ino's personality to be exactly what is needed, especially for the sequel.

That being said, this idea is a bit on the wild side as it did originate when I was so young. But I'm hoping the concept along with what I think is decent writing for this site will be enough to at least entertain you. If not, oh well. But I hope you enjoy a whacky tale that is near and dear to me.

Boruto isn't factored because I've never seen it and don't care to. Also retconning the obvious pairings that need to be retconned for this to work. Just go with it. Haha

Chapter 1: Preparation of Rites

It was hot in Suna, much like it always was. The desert setting didn't offer much in terms of variety. Suna was its own world and those that lived in it understood that fact.

Gaara Sabaku sure did. Although his understanding of the heat dwindled each day they kept him chained in the office of the Kazakage signing paperwork and other bills related to the war recovery of Suna. Needless to say, fighting a war was certainly more stimulating than the regular business. To think that Kage's are the strongest Shinobi of the village yet their lives are the most drowned in paperwork.

Kankuro's life was easier. Village duties in the day, hooking up with various women at night. Temari was in a serious relationship with one Shikamaru of the Leaf and her time in Suna was likely ending as she would migrate to Konoha upon marrying him.

The Kazekage mansion would likely be less clean upon her departure whenever it happened. But those days were still far in the future and just something Gaara would think about as he pushed papers.

Ebizo was one that expected him to be like his father and he was only now learning that he wasn't. This was a very slow process. There was a meeting the following day and everything needed to be accounted for. So Gaara was simply stuck signing various documents, most of which involved continued relations with Konoha.

However, one was not like the rest. It was the last of them. Perhaps deliberately placed there so he wouldn't miss it.

Increase in Missing and Dead Suna Shinobi

The line at the top provided a certain amount of discomfort, as this would be the first case of its kind since the war. Not avoiding it, Gaara read it and its contents were odd to say the least.

Sunagakure is disheartened to report a frightening commonality with other great nations: Several squads sent on simple reconnaissance missions throughout the five great nations have suddenly vanished, only turning up again as charred remains. This goes beyond a kind of pattern. It simply seems to be a trend that any Shinobi venturing among a triangle of coordinates seem to vanish. Perhaps an environmental phenomena is to blame, but something seems to be happening in the wilderness that demands some form of intervention.

Gaara observed the document again. This didn't warrant any signature. It seemed simply as if it needed to be read and nothing else. The meeting is likely where it would come up.

"Finally got to that one, huh?" Temari asked from the door.

"I didn't even hear you enter. You startled me," he said.

"Sorry, I should have knocked. That's been happening everywhere across the nations."

"Strange that it's happening now when everyone is stronger than ever. Environmental catastrophe perhaps?"

"That's not what Shikamaru thinks."

Gaara smiled. "And what does the great genius think about the situation?"

"Where the Shinobi are found, the area around them is totally destroyed. They have a pattern but seem of organic origin."

"Do you know what that means or are you just reciting his words?" Gaara asked, snickering.

"Don't patronize me. It means a living thing is doing it. But not anything that's aware of the Shinobi world. They'd cover their tracks better."

"Maybe they wanna be found."

"Or they don't know any better."

"Shikamaru seems like he has his own thesis on this matter already. Perhaps he'd like to present his case to the council at tomorrow's meeting."

Temari couldn't help but grin when Gaara said this, making him frown.

"He's coming to the meeting, isn't he?"

"It was a super last minute invite. Don't be mad. It was my idea and Ebizo loved it. Shika gets in tomorrow at noon. Try to be nice."

"I am nice. Kankuro's the stubborn one."

"You are nice. You just have this way of being rather…"

Gaara glared at his sister. "Go on…" he urged.

"Poor with social queues," she finished, a flustered smile upon her face after the fact.

Gaara rolled his eyes. "What are you saying?"

"Sometimes, Gaara, I just think you have more in common with animals than with people."

"What on earth does that mean? I'm the Kazekage. That has to mean I'm somewhat good with people."

"And it does. But not in all circumstances."

"I'll just ask your boyfriend what he thinks about me. He'll give it to me straight."

"See, that's what I'm talking about. You don't just go up to people and ask them what they think about you. You have to establish a certain relationship first."

"So I'll ask Naruto."

"If you can even do that. Naruto loves you. That's for certain. But you're not like bar bros, ya know?"

"No," Gaara replied blankly.

"Just I don't know if you even have anyone like that in your life is what I mean. That's why you're so confused about it."

Gaara gave his sister an awkward look until they heard the door burst open.

"I'm hoooome, lovely people," a clearly intoxicated Kankuro said loudly, making the two of them roll their eyes.

"I'll go make sure he gets to bed. And get some rest, okay? The meeting is important tomorrow and we may eat with Shika after."

"I'll keep that in mind," Gaara replied, rededicating himself to a final review of the documents in front of him.