Thank you Hollie as ever for your lovely reviews!
"Jess?" Callum murmured gently. Jess moaned and rolled onto her back, pulling the covers up over her head. She could hear the rumble of Callum's laugh as he snuck under the covers with her. "Come on, we've gotta get up and sort Jamie out."
"Now? It's too early." Jess groaned. She felt a feather light kiss on her cheek and smiled dreamily, feeling for Callum's face and pulling him down to her, kissing him.
"Don't you dare distract me Mrs Stone! I'll go and make you a coffee and start on breakfast while you sort our son out." Callum said, kissing her again before getting out of bed and letting all the cold air in.
Jess shivered and sighed before pushing the covers off and tugging on one of Callum's old hoodies. She stumbled into Jamie's nursery, getting a clean nappy out ready to change him, and the clothes he'd be wearing. She walked back into her bedroom, hugging herself as she bent over Jamie's crib, a smile crossing her face at the sight of him. He was on his back, both his arms above his head, his legs spread eagle. It was the exact same way Luke would lay when he was a baby.
Jess let her son sleep a few minutes more, deciding she'd fill up his baby bath. When she brought the baby bath back in, full of warm water and soapy bubbles, she scooped Jamie up out of his crib, watching as he opened his eyes, and what looked like a frown crossed his face.
"I know baby, it's too early to be up. I did try and tell daddy, but he wasn't listening." Jess said to him, rocking him as she walked over to the baby bath. "Let's give you a lovely bath eh, so that you smell delish for granny."
Jess stripped him out of his sleep suit, his arms and legs flailing as he woke up properly. She quickly bathed him, towelled him off and put him in a long sleeved vest and some pale green jersey dungarees, topped off with a cream knitted cardi from his granny. Once he was all sorted, she carried him over to the rocking chair in his nursery, giving him his morning feed, letting her eyes drift shut as he drank.
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
"Jess, your mum said she'll be round in about five minutes." Callum said to Jess as she entered the kitchen with the baby.
"Bloody hell, but I'm not dressed!" Jess exclaimed.
"It's alright, she's only getting Jamie then going. She said she's taking him out with Andy and Mia." Callum said.
"Oh blimey, Jamie's going to be blessed with uncle Andy's presence! Lucky him. Did you put all of Jamie's bits in the hall?" Jess asked.
"Yep, it's all there. Although your mum's got most of the stuff he needs anyway at her house. All she needed was his rocker and the bottles and steriliser. I put in his snowsuit as well, just in case." Callum answered, handing Jess her steaming cup of coffee. She took a long sip, wincing as she burned her tongue, but relishing the bitter taste of it. She already felt more awake.
As the couple were halfway through their breakfast, the doorbell rang.
"I'll get it." Jess offered, getting to her feet, picking up Jamie from his playmat. "Come on sweetie, let's pass you over to Granny."
"Hang on, let me give him a kiss and cuddle first. Go and let your mum in while I say goodbye." Callum said, taking the baby off his wife.
Jess trudged down the hall, pulling the hoody tighter round her as she opened the door and let the cold February air in.
"Morning mum. Come in, Callum's just saying goodbye to him." Jess said, kissing her mum as she entered the house.
"Jess, you're not even dressed yet! You're supposed to be leaving in half an hour!" Michelle chided as she made her way to the kitchen. Jess rolled her eyes, following her mum. "Morning Callum. I see that at least you're dressed."
"Mum, it'll take me ten minutes. Don't worry!" Jess moaned, feeling like a teenager again, not the married mother she actually was.
"Where's my gorgeous grandson?" Michelle cooed as she picked Jamie up. "Are you all ready to spend the weekend with me sweetheart?"
"Are you sure you don't mind Michelle? It's not too late to say no." Callum asked.
"Come now, he's my grandson, of course I don't mind. And you two need to get away. We're going to have lots of fun. And Andy and Mia will be there as well." Michelle answered, kissing Jamie.
"Thanks, it means a lot." Callum said with a nod, "Do you want me to load his bits into the car?"
"Yes please, I'm parked a few cars down." Michelle said gratefully, handing her keys over.
As Callum left the room, Jess finished her breakfast, washing it up before taking her son from her mum. She held him tight against her, inhaling the simple smell of Jamie. She placed him over her shoulder, rubbing her hand up and down his back, kissing his tufty hair.
"Now listen to me James Oliver Stone, you be a good boy for granny ok?" she murmured into the whorls of his ear. "I love you baby boy, and I'll see you in three days ok? Miss you already." She felt a bit choked up as she handed her son over, kissing her mum and following them out the house. She watched her mum load Jamie into her car, waving as the car pulled out of their road. Callum placed an arm around her shoulders.
"It's only three days Jess. He'll be fine." Callum whispered.
"It's not him I'm worried about. We haven't been away from him before." Jess said quietly, not wanting to cry.
"I know, but it'll be good for us. Come on, go and get dressed, I'll start loading the car up." Callum said, kissing Jess as he walked past her. She reluctantly closed the door to the house, following him up the stairs.
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
"How far away are we?" Jess moaned.
"Jeez, it's worse than having a child in the car." Callum grinned.
"Answer my question Mr Stone!" Jess threatened.
"According to the sat nav, it's another hour. But look at all this beautiful scenery." Callum said, signalling the fields and lakes as they drove past.
"It's a whole lot of trees and fields!" Jess mumbled.
"Go to sleep then, I'll wake you when we're there." Callum suggested with a small laugh. He heard her sigh, but she wriggled around in her seat getting comfy, and after a few minutes, the sounds of her deep breathing filled the car.
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
"Jess? Jess darlin', we're here." Callum said gently, shaking her shoulder. She opened her eyes, completely confused as to where she was. She opened her eyes slowly, looking around and seeing trees. And then her eyes hit on the cabin.
It was a gorgeous rustic style cabin, up on stilts about a foot above the ground. There was a porch on the front, with a swinging chair suspended from the beams, and Jess could see flickering lights inside. Callum helped her out of the car, and watched as she moved round to the back seats.
"What're you doing?" he asked her.
"Getting Jamie." she mumbled, still not properly awake. Her hands fumbled on the car seat, before she realised it was empty. Panic shot through her system as she spun round to face Callum. "We forgot Jamie!"
"Jess calm down! He's with your mum, remember?" Callum said, placing his arms around her, feeling her shake, "He's with your mum, she picked him up this morning, remember? He's safe and he's fine."
Jess' breathing started to return to normal as she did indeed remember that Jamie was with her mum for the weekend. "Sorry, I completely forgot." She laughed weakly.
"Come on, all the bags are in the house. It's gorgeous, I think you'll like it." Callum smiled, taking Jess' hand in his and walking into the house. He dropped his car keys on the bags by the door, pulling Jess left into the open plan living room/dining room.
Big old comfy forest green sofas were squashed next to each other in front of the biggest fireplace Jess had ever seen. There was a bookshelf with a few old novels on it next to the fireplace, and a beautiful woven rug on the floor. The dining room held a simple oak table with four chairs, and a side table containing all the utensils and plates. At the end of the room was a set of double doors, leading onto some decking. Jess peered through the window and squealed as she saw a hot tub inlaid into the decking.
"Callum! Have you seen this? There's a hot tub!" she laughed, pointing.
"I know, lucky I packed your swim stuff huh." he said, wrapping his arms lightly round her waist.
"Come on, let's go see the rest of the house, and crack the heating on, it's bloody cold in here." Jess said, shivering slightly.
The kitchen was adjoined to the dining room, looking out over to the forest at the back of the cabin. Across from the living room was a small bathroom, next to that was a study with some well used board games in, as well as more books, and at the end of the hall was the bedroom. It held a king sized four poster bed, with drapes hung over the bed. There was a simple dressing table in between the wardrobe and the door that led to the en suite. Just past that was another door leading onto the decking Jess could see out of the dining room door.
"Thank you so much Callum, this place is beautiful."
"You're welcome, I thought it would be perfect for us just to get away from everything for a bit. I think I saw the thermostat in the kitchen, let's go and crack it on, and if you want to bring all the food in before it freezes in the car." Callum said, bending to kiss Jess as she walked past. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, holding him so close it was hard to tell where she ended and he began.
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again
"Crap." Callum muttered ten minutes later.
"What's up?" Jess asked, looking over from where she was putting the food away.
"It's broken." Callum sighed, hitting it.
"So we've got no heat?" Jess queried.
"Fraid not. I'll ring the bloke up, see if there's another cabin nearby where the heating actually works." Callum said, pulling his phone out his jean pocket.
"No, leave it. I saw some heavy blankets in the chest at the end of the bed, and we've got the fireplace, we'll be fine." Jess said with a grin.
"Jess, you do know that it's the beginning of February right? It's going to reach minus degrees out there at night!" Callum said.
"Well it's lucky we're not camping then isn't it!" Jess laughed. "I'll make us a cup of tea. Can you ring mum, just tell her we're here, check on Jamie?"
"Sure, but I'm telling you now, we're not going to be checking on him every hour, ok? He's going to be perfectly fine." Callum said gently, stroking her cheek.
"I know I know, I just want to check that he's settled. Go and get the fire going, I'll bring your tea through." Jess said with a smile.
However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you
Darkness settled over the small cabin, bringing with it freezing temperatures. The Stone's were sat in the living room, huddled in front of the fire. They'd shut all the curtains in the cabin, trying to keep some warmth in, and they were wrapped in most of the blankets Jess had found in the trunk. Jess was sat with her back pressed against Callum's front, while he leaned against the sofa cushions, mugs of hot chocolate in their hands. Callum thought Jess had fallen asleep, but she suddenly asked him a question.
"Do you ever wonder what our lives would be like if we hadn't got together?"
"Huh?" Callum questioned, wondering if he'd heard right.
"You know, like would you be married to someone else, or would I still be with Dan, that kind of thing." Jess elaborated.
"I've never really thought about it to be honest. I don't think I'd be married or have kids though." he admitted.
"Really? How come?" Jess wondered, twisting to face him, wrapping the blankets tighter around themselves.
"I don't know. Before you, I never had a really serious relationship, one that I could see lasting. I didn't want the hassle of having a wife, and I didn't want kids. I was so focused on the job. So no, I think if we weren't together, I'd still be on my own." he confessed. Jess was silent for a minute, mulling that little fact over.
"So, when we first got together, did you know that you wanted to marry me?" she asked.
"I knew before that. I knew that I wanted to marry you months after you started at the station, but obviously you were with Dan and you had Luke. It wasn't the right timing, and I didn't know if it ever would be the right timing. I may be a lot of things, but I wasn't going to start anything with a married woman, and a colleague at that." he said softly.
"And what about when you found out I was pregnant with Jamie? Did you want him?" she wondered.
"At first I was in shock. Like I said, I never really wanted kids. Well, I didn't think I did. But it was different with you, everything is different with you. I knew from the moment we had the first scan, and when I felt him kick for the first time, and then when we nearly lost him, I knew that there was nothing I wanted more than a child with you. And now that we have him, I want to fill a big old manor house with all our beautiful children." he said with a smile, kissing her temple.
"Callum, there's something you should know." Jess began quietly. She looked at Callum, and he nodded at her to continue, "I don't know if I want any more children." She watched as Callum's face dropped, and then shifted into neutral. "Tell a lie, it's not that I don't want any more, I would love to have a football team of little Stones. But it's just, what happened with Luke and the miscarriage, and then all the drama surrounding the pregnancy and birth with Jamie, and now with my postnatal depression, it's been really hard. I don't think I could cope with that again. I don't want to put that on any future babies, or onto you. I was not a nice person."
"But the depression's getting better right?" Callum checked, stroking her hand.
"Yeah it is. The therapy has really helped me, and talking over my old issues about Dan and everything has made me feel like a weight off my shoulders. The new mum and baby groups have been good as well, I've made two good friends there. And last week I looked at Jamie properly, like I really looked at him, something I hadn't done before, and he smiled at me, Callum, like he knew. I can feel myself bonding with him like I should have when he was first born, and that's made me so happy. I can't imagine my life without him now. But I'm still scared every time I'm alone with him that I'm going to do something wrong, or that something is going to happen to him." Jess said, getting her fears out into the open.
"I'm so proud of you for following through with therapy and everything. But please Jess, don't put the idea of having more children out of your head. When you're fully better, when Jamie's a bit older, you'll change your mind, I promise you that you will. I want more children Jess, I want Jamie to have what I didn't have. So let's not worry about it until the future, ok? I do love you, you know." Callum murmured, kissing her gently, the flames from the fire flickering over their bodies. "Listen, why don't I get the bedding from the bedroom and we can sleep in front of the fire tonight, stay warm?"
"Just like camping but inside." Jess said with a laugh, the knot in her stomach slowly unclenching after her frank chat with her husband. "I'll get us some more hot chocolate. Thank you for listening to me Callum."
"Of course darlin', I'm your husband, you should be able to talk to me about anything." he said with a smile, kissing her again.
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
The following morning dawned bright but cold. The couple were sitting in the dining room eating the fry up Jess had made them.
"Inspector Gold rang the other day while you were at therapy." Callum said casually.
"What did she want?" Jess asked.
"Just asking how you were, and how Jamie was." Callum paused, chewing his bacon before continuing, "She also asked when I could come back to work, full time."
Jess stopped eating, looking over at Callum, "What did you tell her?"
"I told her that I had to talk to you first." he answered. "My holiday is nearly up, I've only got a week left of working part time."
"Why didn't you say anything earlier?" Jess questioned.
"I forgot." he replied with a shrug.
"Callum." Jess pushed.
"Ok, I didn't want to worry you or stress you out. If you're not ready for me to go back to work fully, then that's ok." Callum said quickly.
Jess smiled, resting her hand on top of his.
"I think you should go back to work, you've had longer than you were supposed to anyway. It's obvious the Inspector needs you back, and you're starting to get that look in your eyes cause it's been so long since you've nicked a criminal. And we could do with the benefits of getting your full salary again." Jess reasoned.
"Are you ok with it though? Because you'll be on your own with Jamie most of the time, and if you don't feel comfortable with that, I'm sure I can work something out with the Inspector, maybe continue part time hours." Callum said, thinking out loud.
"Callum, stop. I love that I'm married to such a caring and generous husband, but I think it's time for you to go back to work and for me to get used to looking after Jamie on my own. Mum's only five minutes away if I need anything." Jess countered.
Callum nodded, "If you're sure, I'll ring her when we get home. She also wondered when you would be bringing Jamie in to see her." Callum added.
"Erm, I don't know. Perhaps on your first official day back I'll bring him in to see everyone. I don't know, maybe. It's been so long since I've been there and seen everyone. Maybe it'll be good for me." she mused, hating the conflicting emotions in her body.
"No pressure darlin', whenever you're ready." Callum said gently, cleaning the plates up.
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again
The next two days passed quickly for the couple. It was strange being without Jamie, but it gave them a chance just to be them again, Jess and Callum, not mum and dad. It was a welcome change for the both of them who had long ago forgotten what a lie in was.
They went out walking in the forest round the house, just talking and enjoying each other's company. They also tried out the hot tub, which thankfully was actually hot, while drinking glass of wine after glass of wine. They read books in front of the fire, made cakes in the kitchen, which ended messily in a food fight, and just spent time snuggled up on the sofa. It was pure bliss. They were both slightly sad to be leaving, but were excited to get back to their son.
However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you
Five hours after leaving their little slice of heaven in the woods, they were back in smoky, smoggy London.
"It's good to be back." Jess said with a grin.
"We were only away for three days." Callum teased, squeezing her thigh gently.
"You know what I mean. Let's go get our gorgeous son and get in." she said happily, nearly dashing out the car before it had stopped as they reached Michelle's house.
She was ringing on the doorbell before Callum had even parked up properly. Andy answered the door, his nephew snug and asleep in his arms. Jess carefully kissed him hello on the cheek, mindful not to jostle her sleeping son. "Who are you and where's my little brother who has a phobia of babies?"
"Haha, very funny. He's actually pretty good for a baby. He doesn't cry a lot, he doesn't give me his shitty nappies, and he eats like a trooper. What's not to like?" Andy said with a grin, stepping aside to let his sister and brother in law into the house.
"Where's mum and Mia?" Jess asked as they sat in the living room.
"Mum's in the bath and Mia's just gone to the shops, getting a few bits for our room." Andy said, sitting down slowly with the baby, "Good weekend?"
"Perfect." Jess said simply.
"Except for the heating not working." Callum said with a laugh.
"No heating? But it's the middle of winter! How did you not freeze?" he asked them.
"A log fire, a hot tub, and lots of blankets." Jess said with a grin.
"And lot's of sex, obviously." Callum said with a wink, Jess hitting him.
"Not a visual I needed if I'm honest!" Andy said, making a disgusted face as Callum laughed, "Here, I can see you're desperate to snatch my nephew off of me. I'll go and get all his bits together and tell mum you're here." Andy said, gently passing over Jamie to his mother, who immediately smothered him in kisses.
"Hey baby boy, it's mama. We missed you so much!" Jess whispered to the baby, snuggling him close. Callum kissed the baby's forehead, putting an arm round Jess' shoulder, both of them just staring at their son.
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
The following week, Callum was due back at work full time again. Jess had washed and ironed his uniform the night before, and it was all laid out on the squashy chair in the corner of the room. When Callum woke in the morning, he had the same feeling he used to get when he was a child and it was his first day back at school after the holidays. He got out of bed quietly, careful not to wake Jess. He stumbled down the hall to the bathroom, washed and shaved, sorted his hair out and put on his aftershave. He walked back into the bedroom, deciding to give Jamie his first feed before he went to work. Jamie was just starting to wake up as Callum made his way across the room.
"Hey there buddy. Shall we go give you your milk?" Callum murmured to the baby, lifting him out of the crib. They walked down the stairs into the kitchen, Callum leaning against the counter while waiting for the milk to warm up. That's where Jess found him fifteen minutes later, entering the kitchen while stifling a yawn.
"Morning honey." she said sleepily.
"Why are you up so early?" Callum asked her, putting the empty milk bottle on the side and burping his son.
"To feed Jamie, but I see you've already done that. Here, I'll take him, you go and get ready." Jess offered, arms outstretched.
Callum handed the baby over, and the couple headed back up the stairs, Jess sat on the bed with Jamie, watching Callum get changed.
"You sure you're ready to come in today?" Callum checked as he pulled his t-shirt over his head.
"Yes I'm sure. It's about time everyone met the little one." Jess said with a smile, pressing a kiss to Jamie's forehead.
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Half an hour later, Callum and Jess arrived at the station. Jess took a moment just to look at the building that she regarded as her second home. There was a tug in her stomach as she realised how much she had missed this place, and the people who inhabited it.
She slowly got out of the car, unhooking Jamie from his seat while Callum got the pram out the back. She laid her son into the pram, wrapping blankets tightly round him, and held Callum's hand as he pushed the pram into the station. They met Mel on the front desk, who excitedly ran round the desk to see baby Stone. She congratulated the couple, saying how good it was to see them both. Their reunion was cut short by a member of the public coming in to complain about her neighbour, but Jess promised she'd stop by on her way out. Mel nodded and buzzed them through.
First stop was the Inspector's office. Callum rapped on the door, hearing Gina inviting them in. It was a struggle getting the pram through the slim door, but finally the pram was parked at the back of the room, and Jess and Callum were sat in front of the desk, Callum with the baby in his arms.
"Well well well, congratulations you two." Gina said warmly, coming round her desk to see the baby.
"Do you want to hold him ma'am?" Callum asked. Jess laughed at the look on her face.
"He doesn't bite, I promise." Jess said with a grin. Gina nodded and tentatively held her arms out, Callum placing the baby in them. Gina's face lit up as Jamie turned his big eyes on to the woman his parents held such respect for.
"Wow, isn't he beautiful! And so tiny!" Gina said in awe.
"You should have seen how small he was when he was born." Callum said with a small laugh.
"You've both done good with this little one. I've already written up his application form for the police." she said with a wink.
"You can never be too prepared." Jess said with a small smile.
"Indeed. Well, it's good to have you back Callum. I was hoping you'd join me and Smithy for the morning briefing. The troops don't know you're back full time yet, so it should be a nice surprise for them." she said with a nod.
"I'm not sure if it'll be a nice surprise, but ok." he said with a chuckle.
"Briefings in ten minutes." she said, handing the baby over to his mother.
"Right, I'll go and get changed then." Callum said, getting to his feet. He turned to face Jess, kissing her tenderly on the lips before bending down and landing a kiss on his son's forehead. "You'll be ok?"
"I'll be absolutely fine. I need to go shopping, and mum's coming over in the afternoon. Go on, you need to get to work. I'll have dinner ready when you get home." she said with a smile.
"Ok, but ring me if you need me." Callum said.
"I promise I will, now go before you're late." Jess pushed, resting her hand lightly on his arm as he left the office.
"Now Jess, how've you been?" Gina asked, concerned for the young officer in front of her.
"I've been better, but I'm slowly getting there." Jess said honestly. Gina noted how much slimmer the woman was looking, and how her eyes weren't quite as bright as they used to be.
"And what about the depression?" Gina enquired gently.
"It's certainly not as bad as it used to be. I'm not so scared of being left alone with Jamie now, but the doctor said it could still be a few more months until I'm back to my old self." Jess relayed.
"Good, I'm so glad to hear that. We were all worried, what with the drama surrounding the birth. But we're all very happy for you now. Do you want to pop your head into the briefing, show off your gorgeous son to the troops? They'll all be pleased to see you." Gina coaxed.
Jess paused before nodding, "Yeah, that'd be nice. Thanks ma'am."
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
"Now then, as you can see, Sergeant Stone is back full time and ready to cause hell for all of you. So let's welcome our Sergeant back shall we." Gina said with a smile, as the troops all began clapping, some of them, namely Nate and Will, shouting things out. "And also, we have two visitors." Gina said, indicating the door leading out the hall which Jess came through with Jamie snug in her arms.
She walked over to Callum, who placed his arm around her shoulders. "Now, as you all know, PC Stone is on maternity leave, but she's come in today to see you rowdy lot and to show off that beautiful son of hers."
"Hi everyone. I want to thank you all for the gifts and cards and all the well wishes, they were much appreciated. I know it's been way overdue for me to come in with Jamie, but as you most likely know, I've been suffering postnatal depression. It's getting better thankfully, so I thought it was about time I bought the newest member of our family to come and see you all." Jess said with a smile, turning Jamie in her arms so the troops could see him.
There were multiple cooes and sighs of want from the women who all swarmed forward to see the baby. Jess handed Jamie over to Sally, hugging Beth and Millie who came forward.
"It's so good to see you! We've missed you around here. We don't get nearly as much good gossip anymore now that you're gone." Beth said with a grin.
"Yeah, but our injury rate has gone down since you left." Nate said cheekily as he hugged Jess.
"It's not my fault that injuries happen to me." Jess pouted.
"Sure lady, it's not like you put yourself in harm's way...cor, you attention seeker." Will said, joining in.
"Yeah well, what can I say." she said with a laugh. She looked around at all her friends, and suddenly the pang in her stomach increased. She missed working here, she missed her friends so much. The sooner she got back to work, the better.
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again
Song: Adele- Love Song