"Come on, Liv. It's been a year. He wants to go.".
"He wanted to go last time too," Olivia said while sliding a form into the file cabinet behind her desk.
"This is different." Dickie settled into the chair in front of her desk. He leaned back, completely relaxed in her office. Dickie had never been intimidated by her, and it was endearing most days, but today she wished he would just back off.
She folded her arms. "Tents. Trees. Spotty cell service. Bears." Just to name a few.
"It's not the same, and you know it." He grinned. "This time there will be a lake."
She rolled her eyes. "Not a selling point."
Dickie leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees, suddenly serious. "I get that this freaks you out, Liv. I get it, but this trip is something Eli, Dad, and I have done for years, and he really wants to go." His eyes held hers. "We want him there. He's our family too." He said his next words carefully. "You shouldn't hold him back because you're scared."
Her eyes narrowed, but she bit her tongue. As much as it made her angry, he was right. She dropped her head into one of her hands. She knew some of the fear was irrational. The odds of what happened last time repeating itself were infinitesimal. Unfortunately, the odds didn't matter. The thought of letting her son out into the wooded wilderness made her physically ill. She knew he would be safe. She knew it. Elliot had kept his word the last time, and she knew he would die before he let anything happen to her boy. Still, the fear persisted.
She looked up to find Dickie watching her, waiting, blue eyes full of hope. She knew she would be facing the two pairs of similarly blue eyes begging her when she got home.
She sighed. Swallowing back the anxious lump beginning to form in her throat. "He can go." The excitement in Dickie's eyes almost brought tears to her eyes. She loved how much the Stabler's loved her son like one of their own, and she knew how badly Dickie wanted to bring Noah on this camping trip. Not just Dickie, but all the men in her life desperately wanted her to let him go.
Stabler Bros Group Chat
D: We got the green light!
E: No way. You serious???
N: If you're joking, it's not funny.
D: Sheesh. Who made you so jaded, Noh?
N: Maybe the fifteen different practical jokes you've played on me this year.
E: Really? I'm not there all the time, so you got to pick on the kid?
D: Oh, come on. None of them were that bad.
N: You told me you bought me a cat...
E: Really? The stuffed animal thing. You're such a dick Dickie.
D: Ha ha. Haven't heard that before...
D: But seriously, she said yes, so we are totally good to go.
N: I can't believe you got her to say yes!
D: Did I mention I was her favorite?
E: Only a million times. Still not proven.
D: Actions speak louder than words.
E: Whatever. So next weekend is the plan?
D: I'll double check with Dad, but I think so.
N: Is it lame to say I'm excited?
D: Nah. We're excited too.
E: It's gonna be awesome.
-000-
Beyond a cabinet light in the kitchen, her apartment was cloaked in darkness when she finally made it home late that night. A quiet whir drifted from the sound machine in Noah's room. A quick glance at the clock affirmed how late it really was. She dropped her purse on the way to Noah's bedroom.
She quietly slipped through the half-open door and found her son completely zonked out on his stomach, with one arm hanging completely off the mattress. She noticed a chapter book laying open and face down on his bed, on the other side of his pillow. She toed deeper in the room, picking up the book, slipping a bookmark inside, and setting it on her son's nightstand.
Before she left the room, she brushed his mess of curls away from his forehead so she could kiss his forehead. Her heart ached a little. Her boy was growing up, and begging for a little independence. Problem was, she knew far too much about the darkness of the world, and she found it nearly impossible to let him go.
With a sigh, she moved back into the hallway and into her room. The lights were off, and she could make out the shadow of Elliot's bulky body beneath the blankets. She left the light off and made her way to her bathroom by memory.
She shut the bathroom door before flipping the light switch next to the vanity. She quickly worked through her bedtime routine, moving silently so she wouldn't wake the man sleeping in her bed. Once her face was scrubbed clean, teeth brushed, and pajamas on, she quietly padded toward her bed, but before she could slide herself beneath the covers, a low, rumbling voice broke the silence.
"How was work?" he mumbled, eyes closed, still half asleep.
"Good," she said simply. Unfortunately, Elliot was a master of reading her tone. Even when half asleep.
"What's wrong?" He asked as he rolled over, eyes blinking open, so he could see her.
"Your son…" She sighed as she dropped down on her bed.
"Which one?" he said, voice a little groggy from sleep. "I've got three."
Her heart swelled, like it always did when he included Noah among his own children.
"The oldest one."
Elliot chuckled. "Yeah, well, I have no control over that one. Never did, really."
She slipped beneath the sheets and scooted herself towards him. He followed suit, meeting her in the center of her bed.
He slid an arm beneath her, pulling her close. She shifted her weight so she was tucked tightly against his side with her cheek resting on his bare chest. He threw an arm behind his head, but his eyes remained closed.
"He really wants Noah to go on the fishing trip." She felt her whole body tense at the thought.
Elliot sighed, and his fingers began running through the ends of her hair. "I told him to leave it alone. I didn't want to pressure you. Like I said, apparently I have no control over what he does."
Olivia couldn't help the serene smile that tugged at her lips. "Sounds like someone else I know."
"Yeah, yeah. He's a stubborn ass. I know he didn't get that from his mother…" He shook his head. "You don't have to let him go if you aren't comfortable with it. I'll talk to him. He will back off if I push enough." He dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "Just tell me what you want, and I'll take care of it."
The problem was, she didn't actually know what she wanted. She wanted to keep Noah safe, but she didn't want to stifle him. She didn't want him to be scared of the world. Dickie wasn't wrong. Her fear was holding her son back, and was that fair? She trusted Elliot and the boys, and she was trying to control things that were outside of her control.
She shook her head, trying to get the thoughts out of her brain. She was tired, and she didn't want to think about it anymore. At least not for tonight.
Instead, she pushed herself up and shifted herself so she and Elliot were chest to chest. There was one way she could clear her head, and discontinue the conversation.
She dropped her head lower so her lips were centimeters from his. "What if I just want you?" She whispered.
Her eyes were closed, but she could feel a smile pull up the corners of his lips. He closed the distance, meeting her lips with a slow, affectionate kiss. When he withdrew, they were both a little breathless. "You have me," he breathed. He pulled her down, kissing her with more ferocity. "You always have."
She responded in kind, deepening the kiss. His large hands began to creep up the back of her shirt, sending shivers down her spine. He pressed his palms into her lower back and rotated them effortlessly so she was now beneath them. She lifted a hand to cup his cheek. "That's all I need, El. It's all I ever wanted." Her fingers danced over the muscles of his back. She lifted her head up, kissing him briefly.
When they broke apart, he dropped his head to her shoulder, pressing a soft kiss there. His voice was husky and breathless when he brought his lips to her neck. "It's the same for me, Liv. It's always been you. All I ever wanted.
She gasped when he sucked the delicate skin of her neck between his teeth. "You're everything I need."
She felt her breathing quicken as his mouth left a trail of kisses down her neck and chest. He glanced up while his mouth continued to worry a mark into her lower chest. "Show me," she gasped. "Show me how much you need me."
His hands gripped her ass, and a groan escaped as a deep rumble from his chest. She knew what would come next. She knew what she was doing when she challenged him. It stoked the fire that burned so deeply within him. The fire that burned for her. Only her.
-000-
Olivia kept a hand pressed to her stomach as all the boys loaded Elliot's truck. The pressure did little to quell the nervous tumbling of her stomach, but she kept it there anyway. She continually pushed away thoughts of the last time she sent her boy away with a sleeping bag under her arm.
Noah tossed Dickie his duffle bag so Dickie could secure it in the back of the truck. He was all smiles, and that helped her know she had done the right thing. He wanted to do this, and if he wasn't being eaten alive by horrible memories, then maybe it would all be okay.
Dickie tossed Noah one end of the rope while Eli leaned against the nearby wall, texting.
A familiar pair of calloused hands suddenly rubbed her shoulders, and she jumped.
"Sorry," he murmured.
"Its okay." Normally she wasn't so jumpy around him, but her nerves were feeling a little raw.
He rubbed at her shoulders for another moment before stepping into the space beside here. His eyes drifted to where Eli's eyes were glued to his phone. "I'm not sure he can go an entire weekend without texting his girlfriend."
Olivia let out a light laugh. "It's cute. What's her name again?"
"Becky, I think. It's new, so we will see how long it lasts."
She smiled. "He looks pretty smitten."
Elliot nodded and shrugged. Her eyes drifted to Dickie and Noah, who had just finished tying down everything. "He's going to be fine. I promise he will be with someone the entire time. He won't go anywhere alone."
Olivia wrapped her arms around herself and let out a slow breath. "I know. I know." She tilted her head in his direction. "I know you'll keep him safe."
He wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her tightly into his side. He dropped a kiss to the top of her head. "I got him, Liv. There is cell service a couple minutes from the lake. I'll make him call every day. A couple times a day if you want."
"Once is fine. I need..." she sighed. "I need to give him some space, and he'll be safe."
"He will," Elliot promised.
"Hey Dad!" Dickie hollered unnecessarily loud for the distance between them. "I think we are good to go." A familiar glint appeared in his eyes. "If you and Eli can go a few days without talking to your girlfriends, then we could actually get out of here!"
Olivia laughed, and Elliot rolled his eyes. From the distance, she could make out Eli's glare.
"Okay, okay." Elliot waved him away. "Get Noah in the truck. I'll be there in a sec."
Dickie turned, and Olivia heard him talking to Noah. "First person in the truck gets to pick the music." Noah hoisted himself into the backseat quickly. "What kind of music are you into?"
The door shut, and she turned back to Elliot, her arms slipping around his neck. "You'll be safe?" She whispered, sounding more insecure than she liked.
He laughed as if the idea was absurd. "My daily life is much more dangerous than this. This, God, this is just fishing." His eyes softened when he realized how serious she was. "We will be careful," he promised. He leaned down and kissed her slowly, lingering once she pulled away. "Try to do something fun while we are gone. Go spend time with Amanda." His eyes narrowed. "No work, please?"
"No promises," she said before kissing him once more. When she withdrew, she added, "You better get outta here before Dickie starts honking the horn."
"He would too." Elliot grumbled. With one more kiss, he stepped away. "We will call you tonight."
With one hand still wrapped around herself, she waved. Elliot jogged over to the truck and slid into the driver seat. As expected, Dickie yelled loudly for Eli to get his ass in the car.
Olivia chuckled and shook her head. She was certain Noah would come home with lots of interesting stories.
Eli hurried into the truck, grumbling as he slid into the backseat with Noah. With that, they backed the truck up and drove away, leaving her standing there watching until they disappeared around the corner.