A/N: Alright... I'm getting out the soapbox for just a minute. Feel free to skip this one to the x's if so desired, but I'm putting this here anyway. A couple of people were perturbed at the presence of Bobby, Lyle, and Lemy. Even though I agree with Discretion Assured (You were one of the one's who got me on this trend with family matters) that drama, as a whole, is dumb and cancer, uncle Burn has something he needs to say because he feels like it might help some people. So let me start with saying I'm keeping them in because in the storyboard, which is slated to be 40 to 50 chapters, they're somewhat important, as are all the kids, to Lincoln's development and the relationships as a whole, but I will admit, the assertion that I don't know anything about the people in the fandom is correct. I have interest more so in the characters and the stories written about them and behind them rather than the story of their creators. As far as I'm concerned I'm an outsider to the fandom at large and have no interest in getting involved in any drama with any of them or hearing about it. This is a sock account after all. If that's a turn off to you there's plenty of other stories on the site, I'm not forcing you to stick around.

That being said, I'm not on the soapbox to talk about them. Because I'm not a fence sitter like one person accused DA of being, though a lot of people who don't give a shit about behind the scenes garbage like me get called such, but a few nameless guest reviewers were absolutely correct, from what I could find, in their characterization of that group of shit stirrers and the events surrounding them. I'm not going to defend a purist clique regardless of what their role in creating something was, as I am not even close to being a purest or self absorbed not considering myself a member of the community. No, I'm up here to talk about John K. See, I've admitted that I have enough of a fascination with the Loud house, and the Loudcest creative works at large, to have this story stuck in my head, but the regular show, while I can admit is the least obnoxious show that's come out in a long time, isn't really my thing. I just watch it when I babysit my sister or brother's kids. My actual job made me obsessed with the other half of the fandom because there's a lot of criminal charges of incest that I have to deal with in my day to day and that shit never leaves my mind. How does this happen? What are the repercussions? What must the day to day be like? These are my driving thoughts in making these stories.

Now, all that being said I am a huge fan of Ren & Stimpy. I'm old enough for that show to have a lot of influence on my younger life so I can unequivocally say it's probably one of, if not, my favorite cartoons. Michael John Kricfalusi, the creator, on the other hand is one of my least favorite people. Now, to get this out of the way, and I know this is a real brave thing for me to say, I dislike pedophiles on a cellular level. Some would say that this is rich considering the story I'm writing, but separating fiction from reality is pretty easy to do, especially when you have to deal with the after effects of the real stuff like what's being written in this story anyways. Those who can't separate those two things always have the biggest problem with them, and since you're here I'm assuming all of you can do the same. But what's not fiction (allegedly) is that John K, once again the creator of one of my favorite cartoons, is not just a pedophile, but an abusive groomer as well. If I couldn't separate art from the creator, like fiction from reality, I would never be able to watch one of my favorite cartoons again. Plus, John K might have been the creator, but he wasn't the only one who worked on the show, so it's not fair to shit on everyone else who Ren & Stimpy because of John K. In the same vein, many people have utilized Bobby, Lyle, and Lemy way better than those two shit stirrers have, so as far as I'm concerned those characters belong to me for the story and to the community at large and are way better there than the hands that created them. Fuck Patanu and his little party pals, they have nothing to do with me or how I utilize the story, may they burn in obscurity.

If them being in it turns you off to the story, I'm not going to try to change your mind past what I said, but many other people still use these characters because they're distinct enough from their creators that they don't own them anymore. Plus, like I said, I'm writing this to get it out of my head, not in to anyone else's. Besides, if we hated characters because the creators of them were problems, none of us would be here doing this, thanks a lot Chris Savino. Alright, rant over, sorry for starting with that.

Tl;DR: Just because the creator of the characters are dickheads who should be ostracized, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't swipe them for yourself and make them better than those three morons did. Plus stop taking internet shit so seriously in general, you'll live longer.

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Lori Loud, age 11, ran into the house, sobbing wildly. She ran past her younger brother and sister, Lynn, playing with the newest member of their family, Lucy, and their pregnant mother.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"Leave me alone!" she shouted back as she slammed the door behind her, causing her mother to frown.

"Mom?" She heard from behind, she turned to see her 5 year old son staring up at her, "What's wrong with Lori?"

His mother sucked air through her teeth as she picked up Lucy reached for Lincoln and Lynn silently, "Lori's... going through a rough time Lincoln. She'll be fine soon."

His mother walked away holding Lucy, leaving Lincoln completely unsatisfied with her answer. He was told several times by his father and mother that as the brother he had to protect his sisters and make sure they're happy. He couldn't accept fine soon, so he marched up the stairs. He arrived at his older sisters room, audible sobbing coming from inside. She sat at a mirror, judging herself through her glasses. She stared at every singular acne bump and her self loathing grew with every one. Her lower lip quivered revealing her braces which she covered with her hand. She looked at her hand made bead jewelry that she had made herself to accessorize and how lame all of them said they were. She remembered every name that she was called by the girls at school, how they picked apart her every single insecurity, and laid her face on the desk. She heard a light knocking at her door.

"Go away!" she yelled at whoever was offending her space.

The door opened anyway, "Lori?"

"Get out of here, twerp!" she demanded as she threw a cushion at him.

He didn't budge as the pillow bounced off his head, "Lori, what's wrong?"

"What do you think?! Just look at me! I'm butt ugly and everyone thinks so!"

"Ugly?" Lincoln tilted his head, "I don't think you're ugly."

"What do you know?! You're literally just my dorky little brother!" she spat at him.

He sat behind her on her bed, "I know that I don't think you're ugly. I think your glasses are cool! I also like all the bracelets and stuff you make. Plus I think you're the coolest person ever!"

"Cool?" she calmed down just a little after him calling her that, "How am I cool?"

"Well, you taught me how to get to the secret level in Trash Takedown. Plus you're the only person I've ever seen beat the last fighter in Mega Brawlers."

"Those are just video games," She looked down at her feet, "Video games for nerdy, brace faced, and pimply dorks..."

Lincoln stood up and hugged her, "Not to me they aren't... They were the best times I've ever had with my awesome, beautiful, and bestest older sister! If no one else sees that, I do. I wouldn't trade you for any of those other dorks."

She smiled as he said that and lean into the hug before adding somewhat affectionately, "You're the dork, Lincoln."

He smiled back and said, "As long as I'm a dork with you it's fine with me."

She snuggled him close and grinned, showing her braces. After she assured him that she was fine and that he made her feel better he returned downstairs with Lynn. She made him a bead bracelet that said, 'Best Bro,' that he kept in a box in his night stand all throughout his childhood. It was special to him, something that the person who introduced him to one of his greatest passions and assisted him in perfecting it. Shortly after this she met Roberto Santiago, only knowing she liked him but not knowing why for an extremely long time. When she finally realized why though, she had felt she made the biggest mistake of her life.

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Loan Santiago was the spitting image of her mother when she was her age, which irritated her to no end. She didn't hate her mother per say, but she wasn't her biggest fan. Her mother had always treated her younger siblings, Renaldo and Rosalita, way better than she treated her. She always felt unseen... unless she was at his house. Her, 'uncle,' Lincoln. She still remembers the first time she met him. It was a few years after her younger brother had been born when she was around 6. Bobby was a good father to her, but he had a bad case of tunnel vision when it came to her siblings. She realized it was because she was older, but it still made her feel invisible to him. Then there was her mom. Her mother seemed to resent her for most of her early life and she never knew why up to when she was 10. It got so much worse on their way to the Loud House. It's almost like she was going their under extreme protest. But then they got there, and everything was so much better from the minute they walked in.

They came down for the birth of Lyra, her Aunt Luna's first child, and when they entered the house Lincoln was busy tending to her younger cousin Liena. She was already mentally preparing herself to be ignored as usual, so she smiled her usual fake smile to feign that everything was alright, then he turned to her and his face lit up.

"Loan?" The white haired man said causing her to jump before he stood and gave her a hug, "It's good to finally meet you! I'm your..." he turned and glanced at her mother who was glaring at him, "uncle..."

He saw Bobby and the two immediately began a back and fourth that she couldn't follow, the first thing she remembered connecting with her mother on was their confused glance as the two men spoke. He had introduced him to Rennie, so she was sure that was it for her. They talked for a good five minutes before Lincoln caught her out of the corner of his eye, smiling and rubbing her arm. He frowned causing Bobby to look at her too.

"Loan? Is something wrong?" Her uncle asked.

Three simple words that were almost a foreign language to Loan almost brought tears to her eyes, but her smile persevered, her, 'father,' spoke for her, "She looks fine to me."

Lincoln turned to him and smiled warmly, "Why don't you and Lori get settled in. I'll show Loan around the house," Bobby agreed and he and Lori left for her and Leni's old room, the former hugged him but the ladder refused to even look at him, and they were alone, making Loan feel nervous, "Bobby is one of the best guys I know... but he's a little dense at times. So Loan, what's wrong?"

She grinned and tears started welling in her eyes, "N-nothing is wrong!"

She could tell he wasn't buying it, but he didn't press the issue, "Well... If I'm sad I usually like to distract myself with some good old controlled video therapy," he stated as he usured her to the couch as he pulled out two controllers, "What kind of videogames do you like?"

She looked at the controller, "I-I've never played one..."

His jaw dropped, "Lori Loud's kid never played videogames? I can't believe it!" she tilted her head at the exclamation, "Your mom practically taught me how to play videoga-" he froze mid sentence, "...oh... I guess we'll chalk that up to my fault then."

Loan tilted her head at her uncles inference, "Why's that?"

He went stared at his feet for a moment before answering with a defeated, "It's not important," he put his hand on her shoulder, "What's important is that we make sure you enjoy your first time down here, so let's see if you inherited any of your mother's skills!"

He turned on the console and they immediately jumped into a racing game. Turbo-Racer's 3 by her recollection. It was as if a whole new world was opened to her. Her shy faux smile rapidly changed into a genuine one as the world around them seemed to melt away. She picked up all the controls almost instantly and within an hour was nearly as good as her uncle. He looked like he was filled with pride as his explanations petered out and a smile as genuine as hers formed on her lips. Minutes turned into hours as the pair played more and more, they swapped out games occasionally. For the first time in her life she felt genuinely happy. At one point she could've swore she saw her mother watching them, smiling and gripping her shirt, but after she realized what she was doing she quickly retreated. Loan didn't care about that, for the first time in her life she was being seen.

"Lincoln," a monotone voice said behind them, causing both of them to jump.

Loan turned rapidly to be met with an icy stare that chilled her to her soul, her uncle spoke up after a second of hyperventilating, "Lucy... good God."

She had heard of her aunt from her mother, but meeting her for the first time was jarring. She watched as her aunt whispered something to her uncle causing him to blush.

"Uh... right now?" her aunt nodded and he turned to glance at her.

She was certain he was about to leave her alone, so her smile rapidly faded. She wrapped her arms around her legs and balled herself up in the fetal position as she looked at the floor. Lincoln's smiled and turned back to his younger sister.

"Not right now, Luce... tell Lynn she can punch me later."

Lucy looked at Loan. Loan couldn't tell if she was glaring at her, sympathizing with her, or just staring, but either way she left. Loan looked back at him, her eyes beginning to water slightly. She heard someone shout an angry, "What?!" from upstairs and she looked at her uncle.

He chuckled and rubbed the back of his head, "Guess I'm in trouble later."

"Y-You could've gone up there... I would've been fine"

"Everything else can wait," he shrugged and put an arm around her, "Spending time with you is the most important thing to me right now."

She felt tears streaming down her face as she jumped into her uncles arms. This was the first time anyone put anything off for her. She finally felt seen. For this, even long before she understand their true relationship, after that point she always felt connected to Lincoln. Now here she was in the car, her mother not even daring to look at her after being confronted with the truth. Loan had grown up knowing she was living in a lie, but she put up with it for her mother. She didn't want any friction between her and Bobby, he was a great father after all, even if he wasn't hers. But her mother had just recently been trying to reconnect with her, which bothered her to her core. During one of their many arguments about her, 'growing up,' going out and getting ready for the future, and Lori refusing to let her ask Lincoln to let her move in, Loan finally let the truth out. She had shouted at her mother, eyes full of tears, the secret she had been holding in for 11 years.

"Why won't you let me see my father?!"

Lori turned as pale as her aunt Lucy and asked what Lori meant. She spilled everything. How she had overheard Liby and Lyra talk about how they thought that she might be just like them when he returned after Lupa and Lacy turned 2. How she confronted them, demanding to know what they meant. How she was let in on the little, "family secret." How she knew she was different then Rennie and Rosie. She was certain Lori was going to faint at the realization, or even scream back at her, but she just exited the room. The next morning they were in the car, driving to her real father's apartment complex. She could only imagine the thoughts that were going through her mother's head.

"Serves her right," She said under her breath as the silent drive continued, but she still wondered something.

How did she come to be?

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It was about a month since Lincoln and Lucy began their salacious affair. Lincoln was still doing his damndest to get Lucy to end it, but every plan he had backfired spectacularly. For instance, when he had spoken to Ronnie Anne and purposefully tried to be more seductive, because he knew she was watching, all that ended up happening was she became more possessive and sexually aggressive, like an animal marking it's territory. She had a thing for biting, which really didn't surprise him, so when he was being really egregious with his conversations he would be damn near more bite mark than man. He also was certain that she was trying to suck his soul out of... there. It was a miracle that he had managed to explain it away as rough housing, but it didn't end there. She had become far more clingy. Any private time he had soon became his and Lucy's.

If he was playing video games she would sit on the floor in front of him with his legs over her arms. If he was watching TV she would soon be laying in his lap. If he was in his underwear reading comics... well... he wouldn't be much longer. He had also began to understand the peculiar proclivities of female attraction. For instance, Lucy was quite fond of his neck, shoulders, and upper back. She had a habit of laying on the broadest part of his back when he laid flat on his stomach, planting kisses all over it. Thankfully she was incredibly intelligent about their sin. To anyone who saw them in the house it just seemed she was being excessively clingy, making up for lost time when she was avoiding him. Cuddling on the couch while smiling, pestering him with heavily veiled romantic poetry, and sneaking up behind him, wrapping her arms around him to scare him half to death, it was as if things were back to normal for the Loud son and his first younger sister... except to two people. First was the younger of the middle children herself. She was becoming more and more paranoid.

Even though the fault lay with her for the situation she and her dear brother found themselves in, she was more realistic than a lot of people gave her credit for. She understood that if they were ever caught it would be her brother that would bare the slings of their enemies. Even if she had attempted to get him to run away with her, he'd just take all the blame to protect her. That tragic and self sacrificial flaw was one of the reasons she fell for him so hard. If they were to survive this she needed a plan. She needed accomplices. She wasn't paranoid for nothing thought, because the second person who had noticed that something was amiss was their oldest sister, Lori.

She had caught Lori watching them cuddling on the couch out of the corner of her eye once or twice. She had noticed that whenever she tried to... isolate Lincoln, Lori was always close by. Her mind was swimming with fear, but she couldn't stop herself. She was only human, regardless of how bad she wished she wasn't. Being so close to something that she felt like she deserved and having the ability to have it whenever she wanted was making her sloppy, she knew that, but she was becoming addicted. She was addicted to his scent, his voice, his touch, his... energy, and, like any addict, she couldn't stop herself when she was feening for her next hit. She would always kick herself when she was lying with him in bed naked in the darkness. He wouldn't refuse her, she knew that, but her sloppiness would eventually cost them, even if she could've never guessed how. Lori had become far more invasive the longer it continued, like something was driving her. Even she didn't understand why she was so worried.

Lori was currently staying with them for the end of the year for a golf tournament to earn some extra money to help Bobby with the bodega. As such she was currently on break from college and spent most of her time at the house helping with her siblings. Since she was at the house most of the time she had noticed slight changes in her siblings as they aged, most of all Lucy and Lincoln, or at least she thought they had. The cold war that she thought was going on between them had ended in a spectacular fashion, now they were even more inseparable than they had been when she lived there. It was always Lincoln that Lucy would ask for poetry help first, always Lincoln she would smile around, and always Lincoln that she would come to with her issues. It had annoyed her to no end, but she understood why. He was her only brother after all, and he was older, so it's a unique perspective for her, but when she returned home she wouldn't even look at him. What had changed? She had to know.

She would follow them more brazenly as time went on. She knew they were up to something, she just didn't know what. Her oldest child and protector instincts were sending her in a spiral of similar paranoia. She just had the roles reversed. She was certain that, in spite of Lucy, Lincoln was the one up to no good and dragging their little sister along for the ride. She knew that Lucy was isolating herself, but why all at once had she stopped and began clinging to Lincoln like that? What had he done? She was still impossible to read to her oldest sister, but she seemed positively tortured when she was around him. These emotions would all come to a head on a Friday evening when she heard them whispering to one another around a corner, one of the few times she had snuck up on them.

"But Lincoln," Lucy whispered, "You promised that you... w-wouldn't..."

"I'm not Lucy, but I know that what we're doing... it's dangerous to you."

Lucy and Lincoln were standing in the hallway a little later in the evening, Lucy in a robe and Lincoln in his usual attire. This was a conversation that became normal to the two. Lincoln would promise to assist Lucy with her, 'addiction,' before trying to talk her out of it. He had enjoyed the time spent with her doing almost normal things, but when it came time for consummation he was still extremely realistic with how wrong the relationship was. He would attempt to convince her to end the sexual activities to no avail in almost the same manner every time. She still felt bad for forcing herself on him every time she had done it, but when she had the sinful urges she was even unstoppable to herself.

"I warned you, Lincoln. You opened Pandora's box... I can't close it now... I need it."

"I-I..." he would always try to argue with her, but he would always give in, "O-okay Lucy... but please... we need to think about the long term effects."

"I'm very careful, Lincoln," She cooed into his ear, "Now come... my love."

He felt sick every time she called him that. It would be normal to feel sick if your sister seductively whispered that in your ear, it should disgust him. But he didn't feel sick because it did, he felt sick because it didn't. The part that was happy that his little sister didn't hate him far outweighed the part that was arguing against their sinful acts. He also, at his core, was still a teenaged boy. Besides, while this was happening he could at least be certain that no one was hurting his little sister.

"O-okay..." he relented as she led him into his own room.

Lori still hadn't gained the courage to see what they were up to, but from Lucy's words, in her mind, it was Lincoln's fault. She kept feeling something well up in the bottom of her stomach every time she watched them disappear into that room, but she couldn't place what it was. She wanted to know if others in the house felt the same way. It was useless to approach her parents, they had enough to worry about with Leni's fashion ventures and Luna possibly dropping out to pursue music, so there was no way they would have noticed. But their was one person who might would have.

"Lynn," She called as she opened the door.

Lynn threw a barbell up in surprise, wincing back as it barely missed her foot, "Lori! Good God! Scaring people is Lucy's thing!"

"That's what I wanted to talk about. What's up with her lately?"

"What, you mean Lincoln's shadow?" She shrugged as she picked up her weight and began curling it again, "No clue. One minute she's avoiding him like the plague, the next she's like a conjoined twin. But I've got my own issues with Stinkin right now."

That caught Lori's ear immediately, "You do? What's that?"

"It's none of your business, Lori," she growled dismissively.

She crossed her arms and glared at her younger sister, "Lynn..."

Lynn turned to glare back for a brief moment before relenting under her gaze, before whispering, "... he beat me in wrestling..."

"Louder," Lori demanded, not hearing what her sister had said.

"He beat me in wrestling!" She screamed at her, red in the face, "Twice! Like I was nothing!" she growled as she began curling the weights faster, "I don't know how he did it!"

Lori froze before she smiled smugly, "Well, he is a boy after all."

"What does that have to do with anything?!" she growled as she threw the bar down, "I can take on any guy in my grade!"

She crossed her arms, "Yeah, but who's the person you train with more than any one else."

"Lincoln," she quickly answered, before realizing the point, "Dang it!"

"That's right," she smiled, "You've created your own monster."

She balled up with her hands in her head, "It can't be..."

Lori walked away, leaving her younger sister to her existential dread. Lori felt somewhat satisfied with what she had done, but was less satisfied with the answer she received. She'd have to search for answers elsewhere. Luna and Luan were the next obvious choice. She opened the door and Luan was polishing Mr. Coconuts while Luna was strumming a couple of new chords in random orders on her guitar, trying to vibe out a new song on the bottom of the bunk beds. They both looked up when they noticed the new presence in their shared room.

Luna was the first to pipe up, "Lori! what's up dudette?"

"Playing through?" Luan joked.

She ignored the golf joke and began her questioning, "Have either of you two noticed anything... weird between Lincoln and Lucy?"

Luan shrugged, "Anything involving Lucy should fall into the, 'weird,' category... but nothing any more or less unusual, why?"

Luna was rubbing her chin, "Lincoln was worried a few weeks ago about her, she was casting some weird spell and he thought she was mad at him... he seemed really happy when he found out she wasn't."

Lori rubbed her chin, "...and you didn't find that weird?"

"What? That he thought she was mad or that she wasn't?"

"No, the spells!"

"It's Lucy," Luna replied, "Ever since mom bought her that weird stone she's been burning flowers non-stop. Something about altering reality."

"... Is Lucy on drugs?" Lori asked at the two girls who looked at her like she had grown a second head, "I'm just asking!"

"It's Lucy!" Luan responded, "Creepy? Yes! Drug addict? Come on! What the, 'hex,' gotten in to you?"

There was a brief silence before Luna let shook her head, "Dude..."

"Alright, that one was bad," Luan admitted, "But seriously, drugs?"

Lori sighed, "You guys don't think anything seems... off with her and Lincoln? The way they're always whispering? The way they're always running off together?"

"Lincoln's probably helping her with something, dudette," Luna offered before offering a warm smile, "You know he can't say no to us! That's just how he is."

Lori rubbed her arm and smiled, "Well... that's true. He literally can't deny any request from us."

Luna smiled, "We trained him well," She looked away, "His future wife has no idea how lucky she is..."

"Y-yeah..." Lori agreed.

Why did agreeing to that bother her so much?

She left the room conflicted, and no closer to the answer than she started. She wasn't going to bother Lola or Lana, they were too young to understand what was going on still. She was terrified to ask Lisa, as she might have too much information. So she was left with one option, her younger sister and former roommate, Leni. Leni was a bit ditzy, but every once and a while she reached a level of emotional savant that rarely could be matched. If anything was amiss she would know. She was sewing a dress when Lori entered their once again shared room. She smiled and looked up at her.

"Lori! Like, you totally need to see my new design!"

Lori smiled at her sister, but began rubbing her arm, "Leni, have you noticed anything different between Lincoln and Lucy?"

Lori nodded, "Isn't it super cool that Lincy and Luce are getting along again?"

Lori perked up at this and quickly rushed to her sister, placing both hands on her shoulder, "So you've noticed that things are different too?!"

Leni raised an eyebrow, "Like... yeah?"

"Thank God!" Lori hollered, "Do you think something happened?!"

Leni smiled, "Absolutely! Lincoln helped her get out of her rut!"

Lori froze, "What?"

"What do you mean what?" she asked as she tilted her head, "Lucy was, like, totally standoffish and she seemed depressed up until a couple of weeks ago. Now she's all, like, smiles!" Lori stared at her for a moment, "Well as much as Lucy can be..."

Lori thought for a moment and finally looked at her feet, "B-But I thought..."

Leni's jaw dropped, "W-Wait, you didn't think Lucy did something to hurt our Lincy, did you?!"

"No!" Lori snapped, "The opposite!"

"Lincy hurt Lucy?!" Leni gasped and grabbed Lori's shoulders, "How could you even suggest something like that?!"

Lori was caught by surprise, "W-well... Lincoln is older... and-"

"And nothing!" Leni cut her off, "Lincoln is, like, the sweetest boy ever! How could you even suggest that!"

Lori didn't have a response to her. She was right. Anytime Lincoln had even thought that he had hurt them he had caved immediately. She remembered the time he had taken embarrassing candid videos of them and how guilty he had felt after they had pretended to disown him. She immediately felt terrible. She looked up at her younger sister, realizing her grave error.

"Oh my god... you're right," she relented, "I-I have to apologize!"

She sped out of their room to the end of the hall... but nothing could have prepared her for what she saw in that room.