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Chapter 19

The wedding was beautiful, small and very simple. It was exactly what Christine wanted. Her favorite part was watching Mike dance with both girls at the small reception they had. It made missing the honeymoon worth it to Christine.

They got home and ate a late dinner before going to bed. As feared, Katie had overdone it and had a few coughing fits. It caused her head to hurt. By the time Christine got her settled down, Mike was sound asleep. He only roused slightly when she laid down next to him.

"Is she okay?" Mike asked.

"Yeah. Finally." Christine said.

"Sorry this isn't quite what you planned." Mike remarked as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Its alright. Its probably a good thing we came home instead of going to the hotel. Katie will be okay but its going to take her a bit of time." Christine said.

"Mmm-hmm." Mike answered, already falling back to sleep. Not exactly the wedding night Christine had wanted, but at least she had gotten one good wedding night out of Mike when they got married the first time. And she also knew, he'd make it up to her at some point. She kissed Mike's cheek and cuddled close.

By the next day, Katie felt much better, but Mike got a call that he would be deploying sooner rather than later. It disappointed Christine deeply. She had wanted more time with Mike before he started distancing himself pre-deployment. The second day after their wedding; he didn't get home until nine pm. As they got ready for bed, Christine decided to bring up at least going out for dinner before he left.

"So…I know you are going to be busy. I was hoping this weekend we might go out for dinner since we haven't been able to go and do the honeymoon." Christine remarked as she lotioned her hands.

"Maybe. Christine; you had to know this time would be different. We have kids and I have a job. We were young and had few responsibilities the first time." Mike replied.

"Mike…did you actually want to get married this time or was it just because of the insurance issues?" Christine asked.

"You know I did and you know I love you. I am not going to argue with you this close to a deployment. Don't pick a fight." Mike said.

"I'm not. I am just asking for a dinner out." Christine said.

"I'll see. Just please stop thinking this is some romantic thing. That is the one thing neither of us are good at." Mike replied. It occurred to Christine that Mike was gaslighting her.

"Are we still going to try for a baby?" Christine asked.

"Not tonight. Christine; I'm exhausted. What little bit I do sleep, I dream about Emma. I just can't." Mike said. He had already shut his light off and Christine settled next to him. She hoped he would stop having the dreams but they just kept getting worse, making Mike's mood even worse. The only ones he never took it out on was the girls.

"Alright. Good night, Mike. I love you." Christine replied.

"I love you too." Mike said. She wrapped her arms around him, hoping that would stop him from dreaming. It probably wouldn't. He held onto her, almost like he was afraid to let her go.

The next day was another long one for Mike and he didn't get home until after Christine and the girls went to bed. Christine felt him climb into bed and wrap his arms around her. It was the weekend, so hopefully, he'd be able to stay home. He kissed her and Christine opened her eyes, noticing that Mike's kisses were becoming much more urgent and needy.

He was gentle but Christine could feel the urgency and need as her pajamas hit the bedroom floor. Given how he was acting she began wondering if the deployment was being moved up. It was not overly romantic and Mike was a little more concerned about his own needs. After they finished, he settled back next to her.

"Thank you." Mike said simply.

"Mike…what is going on? You were…different. It was great but it was different." Christine asked as she brushed Mike's hair was her fingers.

"I leave Sunday. Reiss is demanding we leave sooner rather than later. The fleet isn't ready. The crews aren't ready…hell, I'm not ready." Mike answered.

"I'm worried about the dreams." Christine remarked.

"Yeah. Me too. Being near Katie helps…I love Hannah but Katie reminds me of Emma and being on the other side of the world scares me." Mike replied.

"It's always scared you but now, its for a different reason. Do you have tomorrow off…or today rather?" Christine asked.

"Yeah. I insisted. I wanted to spend time with you and the girls." Mike answered.

"Reiss is an ass. So, how long?" Christine asked.

"Could be as long as a year. The list of ports and countries keeps growing. I'm hoping I can home home mid-year." Mike said.

"Katie's graduation?" Christine asked.

"I really, really hope I don't miss it." Mike admitted.

"I really am worried about you. I have a bad feeling." Christine said.

"Ssh…I'll be alright." Mike said as he wrapped his arms around her. He had exhausted himself after their exertions and fell asleep quickly. It took Christine a lot longer.

While Christine would have liked for Mike to spend the day with her, he wanted to be near the girls and so she went along with them. He had explained to them that he had to leave earlier than planned and he wasn't sure when he'd be home. He stopped short of promising Katie that he would be home for her graduation.

They played board games while Christine did Mike's laundry, baked and packed his rucksack. She went to bed early, giving Mike time with their daughters. She specifically wore the nightgown she had bought for their wedding night and was reading when Mike finally came into their bedroom.

"Girls asleep?" Christine asked.

"Yeah. Is that new?" Mike asked, gesturing towards her nightgown.

"Yeah. I bought it for our wedding night. Figured I would like to wear it at least once." Christine remarked. Mike nodded before bending down and kissing her.

"Hold that thought while I take a shower, please?" Mike asked.

"Sure." Christine answered. Five minutes later, he had climbed back into bed with her and just like the night before; the kisses were needy and urgent. The difference was that this time it was Christine leading. It was amazing and Christine's biggest hope was that she would conceive.