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Chapter 27
Christine woke up in the middle of the night. Mike was still holding her as tightly as possible. She must have cried herself to sleep. She could smell Mike's aftershave and it made her smile. She was cuddling into his arms again when Levi started crying. It took her a moment to get out of Mike's arms without waking him. She got to Levi's bedroom and picked him up.
"What's wrong, baby? You don't wake up in the middle of the night." Christine asked. Levi just stuck out his bottom lip. "Okay, okay. Diaper change?" Christine asked.
Levi wasn't soothed with a fresh diaper or a bottle. The only thing that he seemed to want was for Christine to hold him. As tired as she was; it was kind of refreshing. She settled into the rocking chair and brushed her hand over Levi's reddish-brown hair.
"Do you want me to read you a story? You love that." Christine asked. Levi cooed in response. Christine selected a book from a nearby table and smiled at it. It had been Lucas' favorite book when he was little. She began reading the book and smiled at how Levi's tiny hand was tangled in her hair.
"Christine? Are you okay?" Mike asked as he came to the bedroom door.
"Yeah. Levi woke up and didn't want a bottle. I changed his diaper but that didn't make him happy. I think he wanted this." Christine said.
"Do you want me to take him so you can get some rest?" Mike asked.
"Thank you but no. I think I needed this too." Christine said. Mike nodded. He bent down next to her and kissed her forehead.
"Come back to bed once he goes to sleep, please? I'm worried about you." Mike said.
"I will." Christine promised. She thought about remarking about how he wasn't concerned about her when she thought her older daughters were dead, but she really didn't want a fight at two am. He kissed her forehead again and stood back up. He left the room and Christine smiled back down at Levi. "He means well. I think you just wanted some time with your mommy. Between your daddy and sisters; they keep you pretty well occupied." Christine said.
Levi eventually fell asleep and Christine held him for a long while; stroking his pudgy cheeks and his soft hair. She finally carefully laid him in his crib and shut the light off. The girls were both sound asleep and Mike was snoring when she got back to their bedroom. As soon as she laid down; he pulled her close.
"Levi asleep?" Mike asked her.
"Yeah." Christine said.
"Christine; talk to me. Its never going to get better if you don't." Mike said. He was rubbing her arms and kissed her forehead.
"I…was terrified. Emma died. Lucas died. I thought Katie and Hannah had died. Levi was it. He was all I had. For him; I had to continue functioning. I am…glad you are back and I am glad Katie and Hannah are back and recovering. I guess I just don't know what to do next." Christine said.
"And you are feeling a little jealous because Levi seems to only want me or the girls right now?" Mike asked.
"I suppose a little." Christine admitted.
"Well, tonight proved that the novelty where we're concerned will wear off. You are his momma. You were his world for a year. I suspect if I had gone in there; he would have kept fussing until you came in. But I suspect…there's more to this?" Mike pressed.
"I…just…really needed you. I understood that you were looking for the girls…or at least Hannah, but I wished you had come home at least once." Christine said.
"In hindsight; I wish I had as well. I don't mean to make this about me, but I was terrified that you would blame me. I couldn't face you hating me, so it was easier to just not come home." Mike admitted.
"Why would I blame you?" Christine asked.
"Because if the girls had had a normal father…a doctor or a lawyer; this would have never happened. Because of who I am and what I've done; they were targeted. Hannah will probably recover. Katie, I'm not sure about. We are just waiting to see if she has a seizure. There will be years of counseling due to the fact that she was sexually assaulted." Mike said.
"What bothered me more than what you said about me was what you said about Katie." Christine remarked.
"You made a remark that I was trying to distance myself from Katie so it wouldn't hurt so badly. You were right. You sent me a photo of me holding Katie when she was about two. It…stopped me in my tracks. I just wasn't sure what I would do about it…until the girls were found. Then I just wasn't sure how to right my wrongs with you." Mike explained.
"By doing this. And what you did earlier when you held me. Mike–I love you and I didn't ever want a divorce. No, I was not okay with how you treated me. But I was also lonely." Christine said.
"I love you." MIke said simply.
"I love you too. We have a lot more to talk about but I am tired. Can you please hold me like before?" Christine asked.
"You never need to ask me to hold you." Mike responded. He raised his arms so Christine could make herself comfortable and then wrapped them around her.
"Mike–I never blamed you. I just simply wanted you home. I do wish you wouldn't blame yourself." Christine said.
"That is going to take some time." Mike admitted.
"Yeah." Christine agreed. She leaned up and gave Mike another kiss before settling in to go to sleep.