Kawaii-Cherri: I do love writing Hayley in a positive way, she wasn't exactly pleasant in the last one. I've just finished a rather heavy chapter and ugh, I've rewritten it about four times and I just can't get it right. Honestly, I don't particularly like this chapter but sometimes chapters like these are needed.

Chapter ten: It is never the same river.

It was fairly early in the afternoon when Sebastian walked down the back path towards Elspeth's farm. It had been a couple of months since they had started talking properly and understandably so, they had become quite close. It was easy to bond to someone that you knew in reality wouldn't be around forever. Sebastian knew deep down that this relationship he currently had with her wasn't sustainable and that the distance he should have put between them in the beginning would have to be slammed into place sooner rather than later. Personally, he could only hope that she got frustrated with their dynamic and ended the friendship on her own terms, it would suck but at least she would have proper closure. His boots kicked up the dust as he walked down the slightly steep hill and around the corner onto her land. It was a nice day and the animals were out in pasture, enjoying their time in the fresh grass. Sebastian heard a deep 'bompf' and spotted Elspeth's dog loping over to investigate.

'Hey, Buddy,' Sebastian said as he patted the dog's head fondly, once he was close. He was always a little wary of the creature as dogs were notorious for licking things and he really didn't want an incident. 'Where is Elsie, hmm?' He asks as Buddy sniffs his boots and bounces around, enthusiastically. Buddy barks at him and then bounds up, balancing on his back legs. Sebastian tilts his head back and holds out his gloved hands to keep the dog away from his face. 'Come on, man,' Sebastian laughed, lightly. He gave Buddy a playful shove and followed him to the house. The last thing I need to do is accidently kill her dog, he thought bitterly as he kept an eye on the large canine. Buddy nipped through the doggy door and he knocked on the glass pane lightly.

'Who is it?' Elspeth said in a baby voice to Buddy, from inside. 'Who is knocking on my door, hmm?' She asks, causing Buddy to bark and bounce around as she moved to the front door. Buddy shot out the dog flap, almost sending Sebastian flying but thankfully he had the foresight to take a step back and to the side, used to this behaviour. She opens the door and a smile lit up her features, making Sebastian go weak in the knees. In his eyes, Elspeth was so utterly beautiful, everything seemed so effortless to her and he wanted nothing more than to simply hold her tightly, feeling the warmth of her skin and have her perfume cling to him. 'Bazzie!' She said in excitement, completely unaware of his inner turmoil.

'Hey, Elsie,' he said, with a slight blush at her nickname. 'We didn't really set a time and I thought you would have been done with your sorta early animal chores by now,' he mumbled.

Elspeth simply raised a brow and gave him an amused look as she leaned against the doorframe. 'Having fun digging your imaginary hole there?' She teases lightly. He begins to stumble over a reply and she rolls her eyes with a giggle and grabs him by the forearm, pausing before she actually closes her hand to give him the option of moving. When he doesn't react, she pulls him into the house and closes the door behind him. 'Bazzie, I don't mind what time you arrive. You could arrive at six in the morning and I'm still gonna do my chores. You'd just be bored out your mind,' she points out as she walks into her kitchen to make some drinks. 'Coffee?'

He chuckles lightly and adjusts the backpack he was wearing. 'Yes, please,' he said as he followed her. Looking her over he realised that she was wearing a long sleeve top and loose cotton tracksuit bottoms; something she wouldn't usually wear. In this weather it was normally a tank-top and some shorts, unless she was out in the fields and she would wear jeans. As she was boiling the kettle, he realised it was because of him. Because he told her that he couldn't 'bear' skin on skin. So, she had minimised the chance of that happening. His heart swelled with both sadness and attachment, suddenly what he had brought with him seemed silly. Thankfully as he sat, he spotted her laptop that was open and seemed to be paused on a video of a woman that he hadn't seen before but looked oddly familiar. 'Who's that?' He asks curiously.

Her body tenses for a moment before she turns to face him with a sad smile. 'That's my sister. Kiora,' she explained as she picked up the coffee mugs. Elspeth sat at the table and slid the mug over to Sebastian while turning the laptop with her other hand. 'She…' she began, her voice weak. 'Kiora didn't tell me about her illness… until it was too late,' she revealed. 'Though she made videos throughout, explaining things.'

'What?' Sebastian said in shock and the cleared his throat as he saw the expression on Elspeth's face. 'You don't have to talk about this if you don't want to,' he says softly, not wanting her to feel pressured into saying something she wasn't comfortable with. She smiles weakly and shrugs a shoulder.

'Doesn't changed what happened,' she mumbles. Elspeth looks at the still scene of her sister and sighs heavily, stirring her coffee with the spoon she had left in it. Buddy had returned through the dog flap and settled into his bed. 'All of this? This place? This… farm? This was her dream,' Elspeth said softly. 'I promised myself that I would try and help her have it come true.'

He sips his coffee and simply listens as she rambles on a little bit. He discovered that Kiora had found out about her illness and it was already too late by that point to start treatment. So, Kiora had decided that she wouldn't tell Elspeth until she needed to, as she didn't want to distract Elspeth from her exams and studies. 'What happened in the end?' Sebastian asked as Elspeth had gone quiet after saying that her sister had gone into hospice. Her lip trembled and she held her coffee cup tightly.

A tear dropped onto her cheek, 'the hospice called the day that she had passed. That's when I found out about it all. All of it. I had no idea until that fucking phone call!' She hissed; her anger clear. 'I don't know who I'm angrier at! Myself, for not noticing! Or her! Kiora! For hiding it from me!' She said as she got up, abruptly. Her coffee tipped over and Sebastian grabbed her laptop lifting it up and placing it on the side as Elspeth ranted. 'No matter how much fucking therapy I attend, the answer is still the same!' She said as she began to pace, looking at the floor, lost in her emotions. 'I fucking hate her! I hate her so much for doing this to me! I was her sister! We had already lost our mother to the same fucking illness and yet she didn't think it would be important to tell me that she was suffering from the same thing!' She hisses.

Sebastian picked up his bag, pulling out what he had brought and walked over to her. Elspeth was in tears, unable to see properly or stop herself from spewing out whatever was on her mind, what am I doing? She thought in desperation. This is the last thing that he's going to want to hear! I'm acting like a crazy woman; he's going to run for the fucking hills- her mental and verbal stream was ceased when she was very literally encased in something large and soft. Sebastian simply hugged her, resting his head on top of hers, having pulled up his hood. He began to speak softly, 'I was in two minds about giving you this,' he whispers.

Elspeth can't see him as she was covered in whatever it was and after a moment, he pulls away, adjusting what he had wrapped around her. 'It's… a hoodie,' she whispers, sniffing heavily feeling her moment of hysteria and anger dissipate with his weight as he had hugged her.

He blushes lightly and nods. 'One… of my favourites. I want you to have it. It's like… yours now,' he said quietly. 'I just… whenever you want me to be close and… 'cause, I have… I like have trouble with that… I thought you could have this and… it would feel like I'm here. I wanted to show you how I care about you… despite-' his sentence is cut off as she gently hugs him, still wrapped awkwardly in his hoodie. He hugged her back, feeling her cry. 'I can't say I understand why your sister kept things secret but… I know that I wouldn't be strong enough to see you like this… knowing that I was the one that caused the pain.'

'She would have been so alone,' Elspeth wept, clinging onto his clothing. 'It wasn't fair. I should have noticed! Every time I asked if she was okay, she simply said that she was. Then I had to travel for a competition and I just… I couldn't see what happened to her.' She breathes in deeply and notices that the smell of his usual cologne was much stronger than usual. Elspeth realised that he had even sprayed some onto the hoodie that he had given her and her heart grew warm and heavy with the realisation. 'Thank you, Sebastian,' she whispers. Elspeth rubs her eyes and their hug breaks apart. 'Yoba, I'm so sorry,' she mumbled, with a sniff. Well, shit. I'm such a tart. Nothing like making a scene about my dead sibling, she thought with sigh.

With a cough, he clears his throat as Elspeth steps back from him. 'I didn't do much,' he said as he feels his cheeks go red. 'I uh, moved your laptop,' he begins to babble. 'I can help you clean up-'

'Thank you, for the hoodie,' Elspeth said as she pulled it on properly. It was far too large on her and swamped her small frame. She pulled the hem of the collar up to her nose and inhaled deeply as she smiled at him, 'it's perfect. It's like you're right here,' she says softly. 'Why were you in two minds about giving it to me?' She asks, wanting to talk about anything other than her meltdown. Buddy had gotten up and was trying to lick the spilled coffee off the floor, Elspeth grabbed his collar and attempted to drag him back from the puddle.

Sebastian rubbed the back of his head, 'well, uh… I thought it was a little… sad? Maybe? And I was thinking it could be a late birthday present but then I thought that it was a cop out,' he said trying to not sound like an idiot as he explained his reasoning. 'You're really important to me, Elsie and I… struggle to know how to show it and I know that this… this won't be forever… I can't change and you already have the patience of saint,' he said as he helped her clean up now that Buddy had been bribed to stay in his bed with a treat.

Elspeth leaned against her sink as she squeezed the sponge, her hoodie sleeve wrapped up to her elbow. 'Bazz. It's perfect. As an early birthday gift, a late one, and anything else in between. I have literally no patience,' she teases making him laugh lightly as he shakes his head. 'You're just as important to me and that won't change. I don't give up on those who are important to me,' she said softly as she dried her hand and closed the laptop. 'It's one of the reasons I'm here, after all,' she said, with a light shrug.

With a smile, he places his hand on top of hers and waits until she looks at him. 'I am so grateful for that,' he said making her lip tremble while she smiles at him.

'Yoba, I'm an emotional idiot!' She exclaims making him jump a little as she slapped her face with both hands. 'Sorry! I had a therapy session this morning and I'm always a little fragile afterwards,' she admits. 'So, I'm sorry for that whole tirade. That was probably not what you were expecting when you came over,' she sighs lightly.

He shrugged a shoulder, 'it's not like I've not cried down the phone to you,' he pointed out. One night he had gotten far too drunk at home and Elspeth had happened to call and he had gone on a little pity rant about how he was fed up of being lonely and how he wasn't going to "follow the rules" anymore. It had worried Elspeth but it became clear that Sebastian was just voicing his self-repression and after some persuasion, she had convinced him to go to bed and sleep it off. That had been a couple awkward days afterwards but Elspeth had alleviated any worries he had by simply being herself.

'Well now that we've broken those barriers, feel free to snot on me anytime,' she said as she shook some sense into herself. 'Especially as you're going to be snotting all over your own clothing,' she added with a tease. 'Want a fresh coffee?' Elspeth asked trying to normalise the tension in the room. She turned to face the kettle and Sebastian tilted his head as he could see that her shoulders were still tense.

Moving behind her, he gently places his hand on her arm as he leans his head against hers, feeling the cloth of his hood against his cheek instead of her hair. Something that killed him inside. Elspeth paused and leaned back into him a little with his touch. 'Do you want to tell me about Kiora?' He asked quietly. 'I'd like to see photos… and hear what she was like, if you want to?'

Elspeth sniffs and nods, 'I'd like that,' she whispered.

I know, another chapter so soon is annoying but I want to get to the good stuff.

At least, I hope it's the good stuff. I'm sure you'll let me know.

Be well. Stay safe.