Chapter 6 - I need you
Rey had just returned to her room after taking a brief shower. Wrapped in a towel and carrying her dirty clothing, she tossed them in the corner and headed over to her cupboard to collect fresh underwear and a loose tunic to sleep in. Her attention kept returning to the events of the day, particularly the vision she had experienced. She found herself playing it on repeat in her mind, recalling every single detail she could remember.
Her instincts told her to trust in the Force and let it guide her. This allowed her to accept that this new vision would eventually come to pass, just as her previous ones had done before. The images she had received when she touched hands with him across the fire on Ahch-To revealed a glimpse of their battle against the guards. At the time, she thought it meant that he had rejected the darkness and turned back to the light. Now she knew she was wrong and refused to make that same mistake again. She needed to interpret this vision correctly.
She could see the way his face lit up as he looked at her - his relief, happiness, and compassion were evident. She was seeing the vision through the Empress's eyes. Perhaps it wasn't her? She couldn't see her face. Rey immediately shook that idea away. No, it had to be her; she wanted it to be her. The way Ben gazed at the Empress as if she were the only person who mattered to him in the entire galaxy. She didn't want him to look at anyone else like that. She slipped on her underwear and pulled her tunic over her head. As she stood there, she dried her hair with the towel she had picked up from the floor.
She began thinking about the shattered glass in the mess hall, her anger, and her loss of control. He was right; she did need a teacher. Her thoughts, as always, circled back to Ben. The way he appeared, like a dark knight in shining armor, rescuing her from herself. He had done it when she broke down and wept in front of him, the way he tenderly held her without question. He was always gentle and patient with her, trying not to push her, always waiting. His unselfish loyalty to her was always on display. He openly shared his dreams with her, never shying away from revealing more of his secrets, more of himself.
She could trace his unconditional support back to Ahch-To when he told her that she's not alone. She followed it through to the Supremacy when he killed Snoke, and they faced the Praetorian guards together. He offered it at every opportunity, even when she threw it back in his face. He offered to train her, but in response, she gave him his scar and abandoned him to die. He presented her with the chance to rule the galaxy, and she left him alone and unconscious on the floor. Her realisation that she was the one that always left was difficult to process. She could try to blame her upbringing, the way she had learned to survive on her own.
But that wasn't true. If it was about survival, she would have taken his hand back in the throne room. She would have left the Resistance to die, and she would have allowed herself to look after her own selfish desires. Truthfully, she was running from her darkness - from the part of herself that she had previously refused to acknowledge, the part that Luke had taught her to fear. This vision must be telling her to embrace it.
Could she do it, though? Could she embrace the dark side without losing herself?
When she saw Kylo's blood on her hands, she had accepted it. Why was she so afraid now? She exhaled an exaggerated breath. She knew she was over-analysing the ramifications of this choice, but she didn't need to choose right now.
The main challenge she faced was her lack of knowledge about the force and her unstable powers. She knew only one person who could help her. He had previously shown interest in teaching her about the force, but she worried about the possibility of rejection. She couldn't entertain that thought. She was convinced that he wanted her, needed her, and she could feel it. This was the reason he occupied her thoughts. He was the only one she could be completely open and honest with, the only person she had learned to rely on and trust.
Was that what love felt like? She had no reference point to compare it to. She sensed it was more than just physical attraction; it was an emotional connection that she could no longer ignore.
She dropped the towel from her hand and composed herself. She needed to ask him to train her before she lost her nerve. She focused on their connection and let her surroundings shift to his. She found herself standing in front of a large glass window that occupied most of the wall. Beyond the window, the twinkling stars broke up the vast darkness of space, stretching out farther than her eyes could see. She took a couple of minutes to allow her eyes to take in the breathtaking view before her.
Kylo sensed her presence the moment she appeared in his room. He observed her silhouette, which cast a shadow in his normally unobstructed view. Carefully, he sat up and leaned against his bedhead, moving as silently as possible to avoid disturbing her.
It was clear that she was captivated by her new surroundings. She sighed and spun around. "Ben?" she whispered. "Are you asleep?"
Part of him was curious about what she would do if he didn't answer. He only briefly paused before responding, "Attempting to. I've seen you three times in one day now," he smirked. "How did I ever get so lucky?"
She snorted. "Keeping score, are we?"
"Always," he replied. He rolled over swiftly and switched on the light beside the bed, momentarily blinding them with the glare.
She focused her gaze on him as her eyes adjusted to the light. "Can I ask you something?"
She noticed he was sitting up in a large bed with a dark, curved, padded frame. The black silk sheets were pulled up to his hips, revealing his bare torso.
He observed her as the light illuminated her figure. Her hair was wet and swept over the side of one shoulder. She was wearing a light grey tunic and a pair of grey underwear. The rest of her skin was uncovered. He eagerly took in her appearance as he spoke. "Ask me something? Or ask for something?"
She pondered his questions and wrinkled her nose. "A little of both, I guess."
He snickered. "You don't need to be in such a state of undress to ask me for anything."
She creased her brows. "What?" she replied.
He pointed to the lower half of her body. "You're not wearing any pants," he clarified.
She quickly glanced down at her feet, noticing her naked legs. She looked at his smug expression and glared. Any hint of embarrassment she felt was quickly swept away. She wouldn't allow him to have any power over her.
"They're just legs, Ben," she said. She stepped closer to him and crossed her arms over her chest. "Does seeing me in my underwear make you feel uncomfortable?" she asked.
He reluctantly twitched. How did she manage to turn this back on him, so rapidly? He made a point of deliberately scanning from her feet, up her legs and back to her face. "Should it?" he retorted.
The corner of her mouth curved up at his reaction. "Maybe, or we could consider it a trade. I've seen you without a shirt and now you've seen me without pants," she declared. "Consider us even."
He pondered her statement. "I think that's reasonable," he responded, choosing to change the topic. "What brings you back? When you left me previously... you seemed... preoccupied?"
"Yeah well, you would be too if you saw what I did," she mumbled.
He tilted his head, curiosity shining in his eyes. "And what did you see?"
"I can't tell you," she replied.
His appearance fell, disappointment evident on his face.
"Not yet anyway," she continued. "I need your help first and I wouldn't want my vision to distract you."
He smirked. "I guess that's reasonable. So, you need my help. With what exactly?" Could she mean the Resistance and their lack of supplies? Or her powers and their lack of control? He really hoped it was the latter of the two options.
She took a deep breath. "I need your help with the force."
He cocked an eyebrow. "The force?" he copied. "How would you like me to help you with that?" He knew where she was leading, but he didn't want to show his excitement.
"I want you to…" she trailed off. Why was this so difficult to ask for his help? Probably because she didn't want to admit, how much she was struggling with it. "You saw what happened in the mess hall. I'm starting to lose control and I'm worried…"
"You're worried that you might hurt someone," he finished for her.
"Exactly, and you did say that I need a teacher," she stated.
He ran a hand through his hair. "What are you asking me, Rey?"
She was starting to get flustered. "You know."
"Do I?" he replied naively, as if he couldn't possibly know what she was implying.
She narrowed her eyes at him. "Do I really have to spell it out for you?"
"Come on, say it," he insisted. "I won't agree unless you do."
"Fine," she replied with a hint of frustration in her voice. "I need you to teach me," she grumbled.
He clapped his hands together with a hint of satisfaction. "Was that so hard?"
"Yes," she said sharply, her eyes narrowing as she pointed at him. "Let me make something very clear. I'm not your apprentice. You're just going to help me gain some control," she stated firmly.
He was beaming now, his face lighting up with enthusiasm. "Whatever you desire," he replied, eager to assist her.
"We will go only as far as I want," she said. "I'm not joining the dark side." At least not yet she thought to herself.
"I wouldn't dream of forcing you into anything," he said. "But I'm curious, why don't you want to be my apprentice?"
She swallowed and said, "An apprentice implies a professional relationship, and I don't want that." She glanced away.
He slightly parted his lips and asked, "Then what kind of relationship do you want?"
"We're not discussing this right now," she firmly stated. "Do you agree?"
"Agreed," he said as he looked her over again. "We start tomorrow afternoon."
"Good," she replied, stepping forward and lifting the sheet, ready to slide in next to him.
"You're not getting into bed with wet hair, are you?" Kylo asked.
His question confused her. "Yeah, why?" she replied.
"You could catch a cold," he explained, jumping out of bed and revealing a pair of loose black pants.
She dropped the sheet. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"Getting you to dry your hair," he said firmly as he grasped her hand and dragged her into his bathroom. "Do you know what a hair dryer is?"
"Of course I do," she said, biting her lip. "I've never used one."
He chuckled. "Well, allow me to demonstrate," he said as he pulled one out of the bottom drawer of his vanity unit.
"Why am I not surprised you own one? Your hair is always perfectly coiffed," she remarked.
He smiled at her. "You think my hair is perfect?"
She beamed back at him. "Maybe, or I might have said that just to see you smile." She turned her gaze towards their reflection. "I like seeing you smile."
"I enjoy seeing you smile too. Now stand still," he said as he prepared to dry her hair.
He turned on the hair dryer, and air blasted out of the end. He put his hand under the stream of air flow and pushed buttons to adjust the temperature. Once he was satisfied that the heat was comfortable, he turned it towards Rey's hair.
She watched him work in the mirror. He started from the roots and worked his way to the ends, guiding his fingers gently through the strands. He was holding the dryer with his injured hand and gently untangling the hair with his other fingers.
He was being vigilant to concentrate on Rey's hair and not her face in the mirror. He could feel her eyes scrutinising him. He moved swiftly and silently, the only noise coming from the hair dryer.
This went on for minutes. He switched off the dryer and fetched a hairbrush from another drawer.
"I want to see something," he pondered. "When I pass this to you, I want to know if you can hold onto it when I let go."
Holding the bristle end, he passed it to her. Her fingertips clasped the smooth hilt. When he released the brush, it stayed in her hand, and she turned it over in fascination.
His voice broke her concentration. "Now, do you need me to brush your hair? Or do you think you can handle it?"
"I can do it," she replied.
She watched his reflection as he moved to lean against the doorframe, crossing his arms. She proceeded to brush her hair. Once she was finished, she noticed it was still damp.
"It's still wet," she openly observed.
"It takes a couple of goes," he said as he moved over to the bench he had abandoned the hair dryer on and picked it up.
"You like taking care of me, don't you?" she asked.
He looked up at her reflection. "Is that a problem?" he countered. Their eyes met.
"I've never had that before," she smiled.
"Well, get used to it," he replied. He looked at the hair dryer and then at her. "How about you have a go?" he said, offering it to her.
She took it and passed back the hairbrush. She turned it back on, and he observed her finishing drying her hair, moving in sync with one another. She handed the dryer back, and in the same motion, he provided her the brush, which she used one last time.
"Better?" she asked as she left the brush on the counter.
"Much. Now come on. The sooner we get to bed," he said. "The sooner we can start your training."
She followed him back to his bed, pausing at the edge. He slipped in and opened the sheet for her to slide in next to him.
"Are these silks?" she wondered aloud, running her fingers over the smooth fabric.
"Yes, let me guess. You've never slept on silk sheets before?" he inquired with a playful smile.
"You know I haven't experienced a lot of things," she replied, a hint of wistfulness in her voice.
"True, but we will change that," he uttered with a reassuring tone.
She nestled herself into the warmth of his embrace, and he wrapped his arm around her, creating a sense of comfort and security.
"Ben?"
"Yes?" he responded.
"Do you snore?" she asked with genuine curiosity.
He chuckled, his laughter vibrating through her ear. "I'm not sure. It's been a while since someone could tell me." He drew her closer. "Do you snore?"
She yawned and mumbled, "Nobody has been in a position to tell me."
"Well, then the honour is all mine." He kissed the side of her forehead. "Go to sleep, and I'll see you tomorrow."
"Okay," she said, already relaxing in his arms and her breaths were leveling out to a steady rhythm. It wasn't long until she was asleep, her exhales turning into a light snore.
He enjoyed the sound she made and knew he could get used to sharing his bed with her permanently. He allowed himself to drift off to sleep beside her. It was a dreamless and peaceful sleep, for the first time in a long while.