Forgive me. I am still working on Having His Baby, but this story has been fighting for my attention.
Carly feels like her life is coming apart at the seams. She doesn't know how it got to the point where she has to desperately work the angles just to keep the status quo, but that about sums up where she's at. Tony is constantly on the verge of leaving, always keeping one foot back with his precious Bobbie, the mother who threw her away. Then, there's dear old Uncle Luke, who threatens to kill her at least once a day if she doesn't leave town. It's exhausting, and not even a little satisfying.
She and Tony had just gotten into another fight about Bobbie, about how Carly always comes in a distant third in his list of priorities, and she had to get out of the apartment. After Tony stormed out, she felt like she was suffocating sitting alone, wondering what he was doing and who he was doing it with. Tearing herself apart that once again she wasn't enough to deserve to be loved. So, she puts on her black leather skirt and a low cut silky red top, and heads to Jake's.
She's hoping to run into Jason, her only real friend in this town, the only person who would possibly care if she disappeared from the face of the earth. And if he is also the hottest man she's ever met, the one she secretly longs for, well that's beside the point. It has no influence on the fact that she spends an extra twenty minutes making sure her hair and makeup are perfect, then spends another five analyzing and adjusting her clothes. She smirks at herself in the mirror. Yeah, right.
She's in the mood to wreck everything tonight, a mistake to make her feel more in control, to get her out of the mess she's made. Because she feels like she's coming out of her skin, and like everything is spinning out. What she needs is some alcohol and hot sweaty sex to burn this feeling off.
Walking into Jake's, she sees several men give her the once over, but not the man she was hoping for. She wonders if he's up in his room, and considers going up to check, when she sees a familiar face sitting at one of the tables. While Jason is who she'd prefer, with a tick of her shoulder, she thinks 'what the hell, AJ will do.'
He looks her up and down as she walks up to his table, clearly enjoying the view. "Carly, what brings you here this fine evening?" He asks with a slight slur to his words.
"I could ask you the same thing. Jake's isn't your usual hangout spot. What brings you slumming?" She cocks her hip, making sure her curves are popping just right. AJ may not be her first choice, but she needs something after her fight with Tony to make her feel desired, like someone wants her. And from the look in his eyes, he's more than interested.
"Please join me," he tells her. Then, with a wry grin, "I wanted to go somewhere my family wouldn't find me. I'm hiding from their expectations for me, and Jake's seemed like the perfect place to do it. And I'm liking my choice more and more every second." His eyes run up and down her body.
Carly pulls out a chair, sitting down in a way that has his eyes watching her cross her legs. He leans towards her, giving her a smarmy smile that she thinks is supposed to be seductive. She controls the impulse to roll her eyes, and instead shakes her hair back.
"You want a drink?" AJ asks, gesturing toward the bottle of vodka sitting on the table.
"Why not?" Carly agrees.
AJ calls over a glass for Carly, making a show of pouring it into the glass. The next hour that passes may be the most sad and pathetic moment of her life as she listens to AJ go on and on about how his family doesn't understand him, about how the world is out to get him, and basically how he is the victim of life. She should get an award for the effort it takes not to show her annoyance and contempt. Not once does he ask about what is going on with her, focusing entirely on his sob story.
When she can't stand listening anymore, she asks him, "Do you want to dance?"
AJ drunkenly stumbles his way to an area they have room to dance, making Carly doubt the plan. He pulls her to him, and suddenly he's pawing at her everywhere. But she's drunk enough, and hurt enough, that she doesn't push him away. All she wants is to feel wanted and desirable, something Tony hasn't made her feel in a long time.
So when he pulls back, asking, "Do you want to go somewhere?" She nods her head, and lets him lead her upstairs. When they walk into Jason's room, she's thrown. How does he have a key to Jason's room? Looking around the empty room, she is enveloped by the smell of her friend and one time lover, and is hit with memories of her times with Jason here.
AJ runs his fingers up her arm, attempting seduction, but his drunkenness makes it clumsy and less than erotic. He slurs, "You are so beautiful. I want you more than you know."
She lets him lean in and kiss her. His kiss is wet and sloppy, leaving her feeling anything but turned on. She pulls back, and A.J. uses it as a cue to begin kissing down her neck. As hard as she tries, she can't get caught up in the moment. Her eyes fall on the bed, and she is bombarded by memories of her time with Jason, remembering the weight and feel of him on top of her, inside her. Flinching back, she tells A.J., "Stop. I can't."
He doesn't react at first, whether because he's choosing not to listen or he's too drunk to process is anyone's guess. She pushes against him, "Dammit, A.J., stop."
He pulls back to look at her with bleary eyes. He runs his finger down her chest, pulling down the center of her shirt exposing more of her chest. She pushes away his finger only for him to move his hand to her butt. He clearly isn't taking no for an answer, as he cajoles, "Don't be like that. Let's use each other to feel good."
Carly smacks away his hand. "A.J., I said no. I'm not…"
"I can convince you," he pressures her, pressing her back against the wall, and letting his hands roam again.
Carly is starting to get scared, fighting back. Her hands push against him, but she can't make him budge, "I will scream!"
"Yeah, don't worry, I'll make you scream," he counters, grabbing her hands and holding them trapped behind her back.
"Please, A.J., stop," her words come out shaky and frightened, with tears leaking out of the corner of her eyes.
Suddenly, the door bangs open, revealing Jason standing there with a look of violence in his eyes. He barks out with rage in his voice, "A.J., let her go!"
A.J. stays put, telling his brother, "Stay out of it, Jason. You can have your room back after I'm finished."
Jason takes big strides to A.J., ripping him off Carly. Drunk and unsteady, he asks, "What the hell's your problem? I'm just trying to have a little fun."
Jason pushes him back, making him stumble into the wall. "What's my problem?! My problem is that my little sister got high and nearly killed herself today, and when I get home my brother is forcing himself on my friend! That's my problem!"
AJ takes a step back, looking shocked, "Emily almost died? What happened?"
Jason runs his hand over his face, his sorrow and exhaustion clear, "She got high and almost took a nosedive off the roof. If I hadn't been there to find her and give her CPR, I don't know…" His voice breaks off, not willing to put the worst case scenario into words.
Carly gives him a sympathetic look. "Jase, I'm so sorry! How is Emily doing?"
He gives her a slight smile, his eyes scanning over her to make sure she's okay. With a catch in his voice, he tells her, "She's up at the hospital, and is alive. But after what she went through tonight, how could she be okay?"
A.J., suddenly looking more sober, begins patting his pockets. When he hears a jingle, he triumphantly pulls out his keys, "Thank you for letting me know. I will go up there and check on her."
Jason snatches the keys away from him, telling him, "Take a cab, and maybe sleep it off first. The last thing our sister needs is you showing up drunk to her hospital room or dying in a car accident on the way to see her."
Giving Jason a disgruntled look, he reluctantly nods his head. "Fair enough." He pauses, looking down for a moment, then looking directly at Jason, says, "Jase, really, thank you for saving our sister, and for telling me."
Jason gives him a tight nod, and then A.J. turns and walks out of the room. Turning his attention to Carly, he asks, "Are you okay?"
She walks up to stand directly in front of him, her hand going to his arm, offering him what comfort she can, "I'm okay. As usual, you showed up in time to save the day. But more importantly, how are you?"
The weight of the day catches up to him, the fear, the anger, the feeling of helplessness. Tears begin dripping down his face. Then, Carly is in his arms, holding him through the emotional storm. He crushes her to him, clinging to her like a life preserver. She holds him just as tightly, tears leaking out of her eyes as she tries to take away some of his pain.
They stand holding each other until well after the storm has passed. Carly finally asks him, speaking into his shoulder, "A.J. is your brother?"
He lets out a breath, then takes a step back, wiping the tears from his face, "It's a long story."
At his exhausted look, she tells him, "You don't have to…"
He cuts in, giving her a gentle smile, "It's fine." He gets a look of concentration, pulling in his brow, "I used to be Jason Quartermaine until A.J. drove us drunk into a tree. When I woke up, all of Jason Quartermaine's memories were gone. He was gone, and I woke up in his place. The only family that I still have a relationship with are Lila and Emily. They are the only ones who accept me as Jason Morgan, the rest of them expect me to be like him. And I can't be him."
She slips her hand in his. "They are crazy for wanting you to be anything other than what you are. You are the best person I know."
He smiles, the corners of his mouth rising briefly, then with a shake of his head, he confesses, "They only see a brain damaged son who can't make choices for himself."
Carly gets angry, "They're idiots. Look, I don't know about your diagnosis or the brain damage or anything, but you are the most capable person around. Anyone who looks at you and thinks anything less of you is a fool."
He studies her face, looking for any change in the way she looks at him, scared that just like everyone else, she'll hear brain damage and begin treating him differently. But she is looking at him the same way she always has, as though he's smart and capable. He feels his chest loosen, unclenching at her reaction. His hand squeezes hers in gratitude.
Looking at her, with concern lighting up his face, he asks, "What are you doing here? And why were you here with A.J.? Are you really okay, he didn't hurt you?"
She gives him an earnest look, "I really am okay. I was getting scared when you came in, but he didn't hurt me."
His hand clenches when she admits she was scared. He should have pounded him before he left. Feeling the rage burning in him, he thinks he'll seek him out later for a talk and beat down. Gently, so none of his anger is leaking through, he asks, "What were you doing up here with him?"
She looks down, and tells him in a small voice, "It was a stupid mistake. Tony and I got into a fight over his precious Bobbie." Jason looks angry all over again. Seeing his reaction, Carly rolls her eyes, "I know. He told me he thinks having a relationship with me was a mistake, that he never should have left his family." She looks at him, almost pleading for understanding, "It just made me feel so worthless, you know. I came to see you, but you weren't here, so…" She ticks her shoulder up. "I don't know. I just figured AJ wanted me, that it felt nice having anyone who wanted me. Stupid, I know."
Jason shakes his head, putting his arm around her, "It's not stupid."
She lays her head on his shoulder, "When he brought me here, it threw me. And then everything was reminding me of us, our time together here, and suddenly I couldn't do it. The thought of being with him here, it just felt wrong."
For reasons he's not willing to analyze, the thought of the two of them together in his bed doesn't sit right with him. It once again makes him want to pound A.J. into the dirt. Looking down at her, he tells her with a grin, "Thank you for not sleeping with him in my bed."
With a chuckle and a wry grin, she tells him, "You're welcome." She bumps her shoulder into his, looking up at him through her lashes, "I know you don't feel the same, but our time together was special to me. I don't want his drunken paws messing up my memories of us."
He looks down, then bumps his shoulder back into her, "It's special to me too. You're special to me." Looking in her eyes, he admits, "You know wanting you was never the problem. If you're feeling insecure about that, you really shouldn't."
Carly looks down, "You don't have to say that just because…"
"Hey," he says, putting a finger under her chin to bring her eyes to his. He studies her face, clearly seeing her insecurity written there. "One of the results of my brain damage is that I can't lie. When I try, my face gets all hot and I don't know what to say. So, when I tell you that you are gorgeous and more than desirable, that you are special, you can know that I'm telling the truth, always."
Her eyes read his face, searching for his sincerity. A shy smile lights her face at his open expression. She lays her head on his shoulder, "Thanks. I know how you feel about Tony, that you have no use for him. And I don't know why I let him do this to me, why I allow him to treat me like… like I'm nothing or second best. Why am I so desperate for him to love me?" Tears drip down her cheeks, "I just feel like no one in my entire life has wanted me, not my parents, not Tony, not…" she stops herself.
Jason frowns, confused, "Not me?"
She shakes her head, "I'm not saying you did anything wrong or anything. I get it. I'm just not the kind of girl anyone wants to…"
Jason tilts her face up toward him, his hand buried in her hair. Her eyes widen in surprise as he pulls her body against his, telling her, "Stop. You are desirable and worthy. I wish you could see how amazing you are. You are strong and beautiful and passionate, and you are a good and loyal friend. Don't let Dr. Jones or anyone convince you that you're not incredible. Honestly, I don't understand why you would want him to begin with; you're better than him."
Carly looks up at him with soft eyes. He reads her affection and desire in her eyes. It settles in him, shifting him inside in ways he wasn't expecting. He remembers their time together vividly. Nothing has ever made him hotter, made him feel like he was burning alive like his time with Carly. Though he's pushed it down for Robin, it's memories of the woman in front of him that he uses when he has to take himself in hand. He's not good at imagining, so it's his first times wrapped around this woman that push him over the edge. He should be ashamed of it, and it's nothing he would ever admit to Robin, but she doesn't need to know how often his friend and first lover pops into his mind.
Seeing this beautiful woman standing in front of him doubting herself, feeling unworthy, it's more than he can handle. He buries his hand in her hair, bringing his mouth to hers, he tells her against her lips, "I want you, Carly."
Her eyes dilate and she lets out a moan, as Jason kisses her passionately. She wants this man so much, and has since the moment she first saw him. Every cell in her body is yearning for this beautiful man. And yet…
She pulls back, "Jase, what are you doing? If this is pity…"
He pulls her more firmly against him, letting her feel the full length of his arousal. "Does this feel like pity? I'm trying to show my friend that she's desired and wanted. The rest of my world is completely out of my control, but showing you that you are important and special to me is something I can do. Let me show you."
With a moan, Carly crashes her mouth back against his. It's a feeling of coming home, of returning somewhere familiar, but for Jason it's also somehow new. When he was with Carly the first time, it was only sex, there was no friendship or caring. Now, she's one of the most important people to him, one of the only people in this town who doesn't look at him like he's somehow broken, someone who has come through for him again and again. Though he knows her curves, the taste and touch of her skin, and God how he loves the taste and touch of her, the way it feels as he makes love to her is something altogether new. Not even his times with Robin, who he loves, have felt like making love to Carly. When he finds completion, it feels like he willingly gives a piece of his soul to her.