Hi again! Hopefully this wasn't too long of a wait. My brain went on a Pokemon vacation for about a month. If you traded with a Pandora or a WonderFret during that time, hello.
Thank you as always to my wonderful betas Z and Darkblaw!
This chapter is a long one, even after trimming out some unnecessary fat. There was just a lot to cover in this time. Anyway, enjoy!
Scale 11: All or Nothing
Fret wasn't sure when he fell asleep, but he woke up sometime in the afternoon, his arms curled around his Rindo. And Fret was still sleepy, but it was a pleasant and warm kind of sleepy. A good sleep after a good meal kind of sleepy.
…Right. Because Fret had…
…Wait.
Wait, Fret had gone to sleep under the bed. When he had gone back up to Rindo's side?
He…He couldn't remember…
Oh no, what else might have happened that Fret didn't remember? Man, it sure was hard to practice temperance when his body and Soul did whatever the hell they wanted regardless.
Wait, if Fret had hid under the bed to avoid draining Rindo, only to climb back up and cuddle Rindo in his sleep anyway, had he…Had Fret gone into a tranced state again and drained Rindo even more?
"Rindude?" Fret gently shook his shoulder. "Hey Rindude?"
Rindo kept snoring.
And that left Fret worried. Rindo had said it had been okay when Fret drained him, that he could handle it. But here he was, Rindo the morning person, still drowsy well into the afternoon...
Fret whined softly as he pulled Rindo closer. Because of his moment of weakness last night, Fret had hurt Rindo again. It had already been bad enough that he had flung away Rindo's pin in a moment of panic. This singing could have all been done quickly and painlessly if Fret hadn't been so cowardly.
Rindo nuzzled Fret's chest, murmuring something, but didn't wake. The torrid feeling in Fret's chest spiked to almost unbearable levels.
Awww. Rindo loved Fret, loved him so much, despite all of Fret's dumb jokes. and nonexistent attention span, and texting Rindo at ungodly hours in the morning because insomnia and nightmares sucked. Not that Rindo knew that, because Fret never told him. As far as Rindo knew, Fret texted him memes at 3 am because he was bored. But Rindo still loved him.
Fret buried his face in Rindo's hair. He...He needed to take better care of Rindo. He needed to take better care of his friends in general. That was the problem last time too, wasn't it? He thought he was taking care of his old friend enough, only for him to...
And now all that remained of that friend was the hat and the nightmares.
...What would be left of Fret when he was gone?
No, no Rindo said that he would help put him back together, help him remember...He...He shouldn't be scared. It was selfish for him to be scared.
Fret held Rindo tight as Fret plunged into the sync, trying to give Rindo as much energy as he could. He wasn't dizzy yet, so he could still give more.
Rindo drowsed awake. "Hmm? Fret, what's wrong?"
Fret only grinned. "Aww, I just missed you so much, my Rindude." He paused, smile carefully kept in place. "And I'm getting pretty hungry. Maybe we'll have more energy if we, y'know, eat something?"
"Mmm...Yeah, guess you have a point. You wanna have something here? The food court? The Noise café?"
"Food court sounds good," said Fret. "Maybe there'll be some other Reapers hanging around too. So we can catch up on the latest gossip."
"Sure," said Rindo. "Just lemme fix my hair, and then I'll be ready to go." Rindo yawned as he shuffled off to the bathroom to get ready for the day.
Rindo still seemed a little tired, and Fret definitely felt more tired, but Rindo seemed more energized than before and that made Fret feel better.
As soon as the door closed and Fret couldn't see Rindo anymore, his heart ached sharply.
At first Fret distracted himself by gnawing on his bone for a while, but soon he got bored of that. Then he took his old cap off the nightstand and played with it. Then he started nibbling on his hat instead, and the old fabric tasted—
Wait, what was he doing? This was his friend's hat! This was the only memento Fret had left of him, and here he was making it a chew toy? What was wrong with him?
Instead Fret spotted Rindo's coat hanging nearby. Dragging it to the bed, Fret bundled it up his arms because it smelled like Rindo. And he planted his face in it because it smelled like Rindo. And he also chewed on it, for good measure, because it smelled like Rindo. Just little nips to the collar though, so Rindo wouldn't notice. Maybe.
Fret instantly perked up when he heard footsteps approaching closer, before the door finally opened to reveal his Rindo. His confused-yet-amused Rindo.
"My Rindude!" Fret exclaimed, coat dropped and forgotten as he scampered over to the real thing. "I missed you!"
Rindo staggered back a few steps when Fret glomped him. "Missed you too." Chuckling, Rindo pet Frett's hair. He closed his eyes and rested his head on Fret's shoulder for a moment, before suddenly lifting it up again. "Okay buddy, your turn to get ready."
"But you just got here," Fret whined.
"And I'll be here when you get back," said Rindo.
"Okay..."
Fret normally took forever grooming himself, making sure his appearance was nothing less than immaculate. But today he didn't like that door being between him and Rindo, so he did only the bare minimum to look presentable. Quickly washing his face, brushing but not flossing his teeth, adding a little bit of concealer to hide the dark bags under his eyes, and popping in the blue-colored contacts. Man, where did he put his earrings though?
The most time Fret took was staring at his hair in the mirror, trying to decide if he really felt like taking all that time to style it. He wanted to look nice for Rindo though. But if he didn't style his hair, he could spend a little more time with Rindo. And be more pettable, according to his Rindude. Well, that settled it then. He finished combing it so it looked decent at least. Then it was off to the food court.
There were a couple pairs of Reapers at the food court, all familiar faces at this point.
And one unfamiliar…No wait, kinda familiar? Oh! It was the girl from the lovey-dovey Reaper pair he'd met right here at the food court on the first day! But her hair was darker and her eyes were lighter, with a sharper nose and more rounded face, making her look more like herr…Oh!
"Hey, you guys finally sang huh?" asked Fret. "So, uh…how'd it go?"
She...Or was it different now? He? They?...glared back. "...How do you think it went?"
How was Fret supposed to answer that? He hadn't sung before! "Uh…"
The freshly-evolved Reaper stormed off before Fret could answer.
Fret and Rindo shared an awkward glance.
"So, uh…Food?" asked Fret.
"Food," Rindo agreed.
They ran into another pair of Reapers, a couple of girls who reminded him of a stereotypical henchman pair: one of them willowy and dressed in an all-black BLACK HONEY CHILI COOKIE ensemble, the other short, squat, and in a two-toned MONOCROW get-up, with matching tacky fedoras. Despite their villain-y vibes, they seemed pretty friendly and happy to gossip with Fret and Rindo. Friendly enough for Fret to forgive them for wearing such crime-against-humanity fedoras. Must have been new singers, since he hadn't seen either of them before.
The tall BHCC-wearing girl talked about how the Game was still out of control thanks to a rogue outsider, a Player that had defected from their team, and now a long-missing Shibuya Reaper had also joined them. Something about them cornering Players, even the leaders of the Purehearts and Deep Rivers Society, and putting Noise directly in their Souls?
Her MONOCROW-toting partner corrected her: apparently the rogue group erased the Noise themselves before they had a chance to erase the Players they infected?
Wait, did that include Kanon? No, but she might be next on the list? Oh man, Fret sure hoped not.
Huh? Rindo bristled. Why did Fret care about a Player? Wasn't she their enemy? Or had been, anyway, while they had been Players during the Game?
Well, sure, but…Well, Fret didn't know anything about Kanon, actually, but he didn't need to know anything about her to like her.
…Hehe, his Rindude was so cute when he was jealous, making unhappy warbles as he tugged Fret closer to his side. He didn't have to worry, Fret didn't like her like that. She just seemed like a cool person. And c'mon, she was pretty. Even his Rindude had to admit it, right?
Rindo answered by wrapping his wings around Fret instead. One hand traced spiral patterns on Fret's chest, while the other traced similar patterns over one of the happy spots in his back. Fret giggled as the treated wing melted under the massage, with the other quivering in envious excitement. The flames stoked in Fret's heart kept burning higher and higher.
His Rindude…was so wonderful…
The Reapers also talked about themselves and each other, how much Shiba was screwing everything over, how boring the Game had been until the rebels had arrived, and...
…How neither of them wanted to lose their partner, but they both wanted to get stronger. The BHCC Reaper because she wanted to quit the Shinjuku crew and transfer herself out somewhere else, maybe to the Akihabara UG or something. Meanwhile the MONOCROW Reaper thought that if she evolved enough…Yeah, maybe all she needed was this one evolution to get strong enough to just beat up Shiba and take over Shibuya herself!
...And yeah, the fedora-bearing partners were going around trying to take pics of each other everywhere. After all, they'd never see or talk to each other again once the warsong was done, right? Except the MONOCROW Reaper would rather have gotten erased at her girlfriend's hands than turned into a mindless Boss Noise, and the BHCC Reaper…Well, she had done this before, and…
…And yeah yeah, some softhearted Reapers thought that their partners still existed afterwards, but that was just cope, and the BHCC Reaper had a whole closet full of photographs and mementos of her previous partners so she wouldn't forget them, and the MONOCROW Reaper was new to this, but she'd been inspired by her partner, so she would do the same if she was the one who erased her partner instead, and...
...And Fret stopped listening.
He was having trouble focusing on any of it anyway, because it was not about Rindo. After a while he even growled at the other Reapers, especially the BHCC one, who kept gesturing into Rindo's personal bubble. Too noisy. Too tacky. Too close to his Rindude.
…Huh. Guess Fret wasn't feeling as sociable as he thought.
In fact anything not involving Rindo had this kinda foggy feeling to it. Fret's food hardly tasted like anything, so he barely ate any of…whatever he was having. He settled on chewing on his bone some more, taken with him just for the occasion. Though even that didn't do much for him…
So many scents...they were almost overwhelming. Food, people, antibacterial cleaners, plastic...and of course his Rindude, the best smell. Just burying his nose in Rindo's coat was a nice palate cleanser...or nose cleanser? No, that made Rindo sound like a tissue…
…He loved his Rindo, he loved…
…So tired…Thinking was hard…
"Hey Fret?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you need Soul?" asked Rindo, kneading both lovey-dovey spots now. "It's okay if you do."
Oh, Fret loved the feeling, almost as much as he loved his Rindo. But the way the teeth tightened around his heart at the invitation…"But what if I…" Fret hid his face in Rindo's shoulder, his voice lowering to a mumble. "...What if I lose it, like I did last night?"
"I…think that happened because you were so Soul-starved," said Rindo. "So if you get some Soul from me every now and then, then maybe you won't go into a frenzy like before? At least not…not until the warsong starts. And if I hold you secure like this—" Both his arms and his wings squeezed Fret tight. "—Then you shouldn't be able to hurt me, and I can make the drain stop at any time."
"Mmm…" His heart, his body, his mind, so toasty. The teeth, so sharp. He nuzzled Rindo. "That does…sound nice…" Fret gave him a couple of kisses before leaning into the sync.
Love. He felt nothing but love, from both himself and Rindo. He loved…
Fret only let himself take a little. Well, maybe a little more. Well, maybe just a little bit more. Rindo's Soul was so…
Fret forced himself to stop, because he could feel himself sinking too deep into that mire of desire. If he indulged that fire any more, it would only blaze higher, and then he might not have been able to stop at all. The jaws returned, biting his heart more insistently than ever, but Fret refused to crumple under their gluttonous pressure. "I'm…I'm good."
Rindo stopped massaging the lovey-dovey spots. "You sure?" He still kept Fret so close, stroking his hair.
"Yeah," said Fret, resting his head on Rindo's shoulder. "...Thanks." Funny how Fret felt both more awake and more entranced at the same time.
Maybe they cuddled more. Maybe they dozed. Maybe they just got up right away. Fret wasn't really sure. He mindlessly followed his Rindo to…wherever he had decided to go. Fret couldn't remember. Didn't matter. As long as his Rindo was there, Fret would go anywhere with him.
Man, why did it seem like elevator rides always took forever? And why did Fret miss Rindo so much even when they were literally cuddled up to each other? Could they…Wait, if they did a Soul twister, one or both of them would probably have ended up passing out from the blending. Bad idea while they were still standing. "Hey, can you, like, massage the happy part of my wing a little? But just a little?" Actually just a little this time.
"Yeah," said Rindo, and already Fret felt the warmth coil around his Soul as Rindo rubbed the right spots in his back. Much better.
And suddenly the elevator ride was much too short.
Mostly because the elevator stopped three floors shorter than expected.
When the doors opened, Hishima stepped onto the elevator. After plugging in the number for the highest floor, he studied the huddled teens. "I see that the two of you are well mired in the tar pit of singing."
"Yeah, what's it to you?" growled Fret, leaning against Rindo more. "You jealous or something?"
"Hardly," said Hishima. "Singing is a fiendish occurrence that I've had the displeasure of experiencing twice. It is indeed terribly euphoric, being possessed by your own eager, famished Noise, So euphoric that you will be delighted to tear each other asunder when the Noise tattoos finally seep from your skin."
"That's not true!" snapped Fret. "I won't hurt Rindo!"
Except, of course, Fret already had hurt Rindo, when he had lost control last night.
Would the warsong be like that too? Only worse? Fret and Rindo trapped under their Inner Noise, helplessly watching as they ripped each other to shreds?
Fret barely suppressed a shudder. "...We'll…We'll find a nice way to do this!"
"Fret…" Rindo stroked Fret's spine.
"There is no 'nice' way to perform a warsong," said Hishima. Yikes, did he always sound so frosty? "Your Inner Noise is not a force that can be overcome by love or logic. Inner Noise are beings of pure emotion and appetite. They do not care about morality or memories."
"But they're made of our emotions, right?" asked Fret. "So if we really love each other, then our Inner Noise will eat up all that love and make them at least a little nicer, right?"
"Inner Noise have a different definition of love than humans do," said Hishima, like he was a tired old schoolteacher. "An Inner Noise only desires to possess, consume, and grow, shaping itself to best feed upon its host. And when it starts to outgrow its host, the Inner Noise drives that host to madness simply to obtain its next meal. Anything it can feed on to become stronger, it loves."
"I…don't think that's entirely right though?" said Rindo. "Like, when me and Fret drain each other, it's out of love, but not like in a 'Ah yes, this will make me stronger' kinda way, or even in a 'This'll make me feel a little better' kinda way. Or at least, that's not all there is to it? It's more like, uh, I want him closer to make sure he's safe, which also makes me feel safe? W-What about you, Fret?"
Awww, his Rindude was so adorable! Fret wanted to hug him. So he did. "Yeah, I feel extra safe with you too! Though for me it's also like…I mean, I don't like to drain you unless I absolutely have to, but…But it's almost like my Soul can't stand Rindo's Soul being so far away? Even though we're connected by the sync and everything?"
"Indeed, the two of you are bound by the sync, which means that you are sharing the same pool of Soul in the end," said Hishima. "So I fail to see how taking Soul from each other will make any difference. It is much akin to flipping an hourglass with diminishing sand within. Eventually there will not be enough Soul to go around, and the warsong will begin."
Fret squinted at Hishima. "Has anyone told you that you're a major buzzkill?"
"Many times," said Hiahima. "My point is, that when that final fight finally begins, it will not matter how much you care about each other. When your Inner Noise fully possesses your weakened Soul, those core emotions and desires unfettered, all they will care about is their survival. It will not be sweet, or fun, or merciful. So enjoy your peaceful time together while you still have it, while you're still in your right minds."
Both Fret and Rindo were quiet.
"I am certain that this is not what you want to hear, but I will not sugarcoat it like so many others insist on doing," said Hishima. "Pretending that this will be a jubilant experience all the way through will only make those final moments even more excruciating. I consider it more important to set realistic expectations, especially for first-time singers."
Fret hid his face in Rindo's shoulder. "But I love you, Rindo…"
Rindo answered with careful pets. "Love you so much, Fret…"
Hishima sighed. "I thought maybe this singing would be different somehow, due to the strange circumstances. But no, it seems that it is a singing like any other. I don't know why I came to observe it. Perhaps I am just that bored of this Game."
The doors finally opened for their floor, and Fret and Rindo scurried out of the elevator. Hishima studied them coldly even as the doors closed.
They huddled together closer. They were in…Ah, they had been going to the park, that's right. And up above in the fake sky…Two Reapers, circling each other. Tigre-Cony and their partner again, probably. Had they just been living here in the park the whole time? Maybe Fret should ask them about how to make the warsong slightly less horrifying, whenever they flew down. They had both sung before, right?
"Fret…" Rindo began. "No matter what happens…later…"
"Yeah?"
"You matter…so much to me, Fret." He put his hands on Fret's shoulders and pecked both of Fret's cheeks. "More than anything, I just want to…I want to protect you, but of course I'm singing, and I chose to sing with you, but I really…I really don't wanna fight you, or hurt you, or…" Rindo's voice cracked a little. "Because what if I really do lose you? I mean, some Reapers say that the sung stay with them, but Kaie didn't have any physical proof of that and—"
"Buddy…"
Rindo embraced him with both his arms and his wings, his hug almost painful. "...I love you," murmured Rindo. "I love you, I love you, I love you…"
Aww, his poor Rindude, his adorable bundle of anxiety. Overthinking things as always. Which was making Fret overthink things too. "I-It's okay, buddy. I love you too…"
"Is everything alright, dears?"
Rindo got so startled that his wings flared out, which in turn spooked Fret.
Oh, it was just Ayano again. "I certainly hope that Hishima was being agreeable with you two on the elevator ride."
"Yeeeaaaah not really," grumbled Fret. "He was telling us about how singing sucks and we're stupid for liking it and uh…Though, um…like the warsong stuff…Is there a way to make things…not suck as much?"
Ayano very lightly placed her fingers on her chest. "While I do not agree with Hishima's overly dour look on singing, I do agree with his views on Inner Noise. They are terrible creatures that cannot be reasoned with, amplifying one's emotions and desires until one is nothing but a slave to those impulses. It is why our family of Reapers usually don't show our wings: it suggests a lack of control—a lack of civilization."
Rindo tried to properly tuck his wings away. "Um…"
"It's alright, dear, we do not expect a new Reaper, especially a singing one, to be able to properly control their wings right away," said Ayano, kindly. "In fact many singers do not even bother trying to put away their wings, even those who have sung before."
"N-No, I can do it! Or at least try!" After several awkward twitches and wing flaps, Rindo's wings finally vanished into his back. "S-See?"
Ayano smiled. Fret had this feeling like they'd just seen something really rare. "Oh, quite impressive, my dear."
Fret's back, meanwhile, spasmed uncontrollably.
"Though, as I said, do not feel the need to suppress your wings all the time while you are here at Akinosuke Hotel," Ayano added. "The purpose of this place is to make you as safe and comfortable as possible during the singing."
"So, uh, is there a way to make the warsong more, um, comfy too?" asked Fret. "Like, is there any facility stuff that can help with that?"
"Oh yeah! Like maybe painkillers?" asked Rindo. "Just…something to make things physically hurt less?"
"Some Reapers do choose to take numbing or intoxicating items to try to prevent as much pain as possible," said Ayano. "You can take it from my...personal experience that the effects are minimal at best." She looked distant for a second, and Fret busied himself with stroking Rindo's shoulders where he'd folded his wings up. "You will be inflicting fatal wounds on the Soul, after all."
Yeah, that made sense. Painkillers wouldn't do much if Fret's Soul got rended open by Rindo's talons. Or if his physical body got rended open.
…Fret really shouldn't think about that too much…
"S-Still, every bit helps, right Rindude?" Fret pasted on a grin. "So maybe we should get some at some point? Oh, since we're dead. we can't, like, accidentally overdose or something, right?"
"Correct," said Ayano. "Though rendering yourself unconscious near the peak of the singing will only make the warsong happen faster. Since your mind will be less able to resist your growing Noise."
"...Gotcha." Yeah, Fret definitely didn't want to speed things up. He wanted to spend as much time with Rindo as he could, and he wanted to be awake for that too. "So don't overdo it, makes sense. I just want something to take a little sting off anyway, that's all." His laughter was more anxious than he liked. Rindo wouldn't mind if Fret squeezed his hand a little harder than usual, right?
Ayano sighed, petting her iguana. "I know that singing is terribly frightening. As Reapers, we are granted access to our Inner Noise. But in turn, the Inner Noise grows exponentially, until it threatens to overtake our very Soul. And if it does, our Soul becomes nothing but a husk, from which a mindless Boss Noise emerges. That is the life cycle of a Reaper."
That…didn't exactly make Fret feel better.
"But with singing, you have the ability to save not only yourself from that horrid Inner Noise, but someone very dear to you as well. The one who wins will have their Inner Noise sated for years to come, while the one who is absorbed will finally be free of their Inner Noise once and for all, and be part of your heart until you perish. A far better fate than being torn apart from the inside by their own Inner Noise."
Torn apart from within…The description alone reminded Fret of the constant sharp aching in his chest. No, Fret…Fret didn't want that. He didn't want to just become a meal for his own Inner Noise. Dying slowly, bite by bite, like one of those gourmet Noise-flavored meals...
"So it's a way to keep your partner…safe?" asked Rindo.
"Yes," said Ayano. "After extracting your partner from their parasitic Inner Noise, you transplant your partner into the soil of your Soul to save them. Then, their roots will spread throughout your entire being, so they can grow in a way that they could never do before. Give them the extra Soul to flourish, and they will bear fruit for you in turn. A symbiotic existence."
"Huh." Truthfully, Fret had a little trouble following the metaphor, but he kinda got the gist of it. "Giving and taking Soul from each other…Not so different from what we do now, is it my Rindude?"
"Didn't that Hishima guy say that the Soul give-and-take thing was mostly pointless, though?" asked Rindo. "Y'know, since we're synced?"
"Oh yeah…" said Fret.
"While that may be true, I believe that both of you trying to share as much Soul as possible is a sweet gesture," said Ayano. "Much like sharing a drink."
"Yeah, except the drink is one of us instead." Fret chuckled a little nervously.
Ayano smiled. "Well, that shows how much the other person needs you, doesn't it? And how much you're willing to provide for them."
Huh, Fret hadn't thought of it like that before.
"So never forget how much you love each other, dears," said Ayano. "When the warsong comes, and you see those terrible tattoos sprout from each other's bodies, remember that your partner is trapped within that Noise. So use all your strength and love to free them."
They needed to free each other? Is that what Susukichi had meant when he'd said to "Show him how much you love him by showin' him how strong your chain is?"
"Now, I must be on my way. You will soon learn this, as a member of our family: Shiba requires punctuality." Ayano left, boarding the elevator herself. "Take care, my dears."
"Thanks, you too," said Rindo.
Both Fret and Rindo were quiet for a little while afterward.
"So, uh, I'm gonna be honest," said Fret. "The more I hear about singing, the more confused I get. 'Cause it seems like everybody sees it differently?"
"Yeah…" said Rindo.
"What's singing like to you, Rindude?" asked Fret.
"To me? Uh…" Rindo held his chin as he thought about it. "I mean, I'm new to all this, so I can't say what it feels like to be a new person, but…Hmm, well maybe I kinda do? Because I already feel like a different person, ever since I started singing? It's…It's sorta hard to remember what I was like before the singing. Before my whole world started revolving around you."
"Aww buddy! I love you too!" Fret gave him a quick hug and kiss. "But yeah, I sorta know that feeling too. I just kinda existed and then suddenly wham I'm singing, and now everything is super vivid, especially my feelings. Funny how I feel the most alive when I'm dead."
Rindo smirked a little. "I know right?"
Fret nuzzled Rindo's shoulder to take in more of Rindo's scent. "So to me, singing is…the most wonderful thing that's happened to me. Because I can finally be myself. I have no choice but to be myself, really, because I can't even begin to hide my feelings for you like I did before. And we can just…be together. Forever. And it doesn't matter what other people think, because no one can stop it. Not even us."
Rindo chuckled. "You're right. And that kind of certainty…is what I've always needed. Knowing for certain that you love me. Knowing for certain that you'll always be with me, one way or another. Knowing for certain that…t-that you're what I've been waiting for my whole life, without me even realizing it…S-So I'll make sure that you'll be alright, n-no matter what…"
Aww, his Rindude was trembling a little. Maybe from trying not to cry, or maybe just from holding Fret so tight. "Of course! You got this Rindude! I know you do!" Fret leaned into the sync some: Ah, so Rindo was worried after all. His Rindude needed more confidence as always. "Meanwhile, lemme be your emotional support by literally giving you good emotions, hmm?"
Rindo giggled and wobbled a little when Fret started spinning his Soul. "H-Hold on, we should sit down somewhere before we do any Soul twister stuff!"
"Oh yeah, good point."
It took them longer to find a comfy spot under a tree than it did to fall into the spiral together. Their Souls blended so easily now…Just like well-stirred ingredients were easier to mix than stuff freshly thrown together…He and his Rindo were…
With their Souls swirled together like this, Fret could hardly sense anything around him, even Rindo's body warmth. Not when everything within felt so serene yet intense at the same. Like the world outside him and Rindo didn't even matter. Maybe it never had.
Fret loved loved loved his Rindo. So much. He would do everything to protect his Rindo. In fact he wanted a disaster to happen, just to prove to Rindo that he could defend him, to prove how much he loved him.
…Did Fret do enough for his Rindo? His Rindo, his Rindo…He would fight wars for his Rindo. He would lead wars for his Rindo. Conquer cities, countries, planets, entire galaxies, no, entire universes, all for Rindo, everything for Rindo, because his Rindo deserved it all.
Compared to that, Fret merely giving up his physical form, so they could always be together, was the least he could…
…But what if it wasn't enough?
What if, somehow, being united with Rindo down to the spiritual and molecular level still wasn't enough, and Fret kept craving for even more Rindo that didn't even exist?
True, Fret would take this all-consuming love over just feeling adequate, but…
He always thought that the saying 'I can't express how much I love you.' was just a lazy placeholder for 'Sorry I can't think of any elaborate lovey-dovey stuff right now, still love you though'. But the truth was far more complex and, honestly, kinda terrifying? That he could do everything to express his love and it still wouldn't be enough, and that Fret's own love would angrily crush him from within like a black hole for failing that simple, impossible task, despite all his best efforts.
Fret felt Rindo sleepily shift in his arms, murmuring something in a sweet, comforting tone.
Fret smiled and nuzzled Rindo's hair. Don't think about it. Thinking was overrated anyway, especially when it was something he couldn't do anything about. Just think about Rindo, and how much he loved him. He loved Rindo, he loved Rindo so much…
At some point, Fret must have dozed off. Or had inadvertently dissolved his sense of self while trying to maintain the twister for as long as possible. Not that there was much difference between the two. No wait, there was, because one kept him away from Rindo, and one blended him with Rindo to the point of unconsciousness.
Loving without a sense of self, without memory…Was this what the Tigre-Cony Reaper had been talking about before?
But Rindo had gotten up without Fret, though Rindo had left behind his coat as a blanket for him. Fret craned his head up and spotted him a few paces away: Rindo looked to the painted sky above, his wings already lifting him off the ground.
No…Wait…Already Fret's heart felt so tight and—
"Rindo! Don't go!" Fret used the sync to teleport just above Rindo, and they crashed down to the grass together. Ha, all that teleportation during frisbee the other day had been good practice! "Rindo I love you…"
"L-Love you too." Rindo's wings flapped awkwardly under Fret. "It's okay dude, I'm just—"
But it was not okay. He couldn't have his Rindo leaving ever. The teeth in Fret's heart wouldn't allow it. Fret's body trembled as he started another Soul twister.
"Fret…" Already Rindo's voice was thick with sleepiness, his body and wings sagging.
It was so easy to whisk their Souls back together. Like their Souls were always supposed to be so closely entwined, blurring at the edges. But Fret had to be careful about not completely losing himself in it this time, or he wouldn't be able to focus enough to keep it going. For his Rindo, his Rindo…If he could maintain this forever…Then maybe…
…The teeth, the teeth still clamped down on his heart…
Fret whined. Even…Even this twister wasn't enough to bring his heart some relief…?
…But maybe it was enough to numb Rindo to…
Fret embraced Rindo tighter as he drained Soul from him. Small sips at first, then greedier gulps. Until the teeth finally released his heart, at least a little. Even that slight breathing room was euphoric, along with the doses of Rindo's Soul.
His Rindo…His Rindo. He loved loved loved loved…
Something approached from the corner of Fret's eye. He turned and snarled at it.
Oh, it was…Shoka? What was she doing here? Well she was a Reaper so maybe that wasn't—
Fret's growls turned into a yelp as the teeth snapped back down on his heart, enraged that Fret had stopped the feast. Right, he needed…he needed…Fret buried his face in Rindo's hair. As if maybe he could subsist off of Rindo's scent alone, instead of…
…But Fret didn't just need to take more of Rindo's Soul. He wanted to.
Shoka frowned, folding her arms, as she studied the two of them sprawled out in the grass. "Gee, I wonder which of you is gonna be lunch later. Nice knowing you, Rindykins."
"...Huh?" So Rindo had finally floated back up to awareness, though he still sounded drowsy.
She rolled her eyes. "I rest my case."
"Whaddaya want?" grumbled Fret, his face still nestled in Rindo's hair. If Rindo was awake again already, then Fret should spin Rindo back into oblivion before he did any more draining. Fret didn't want him feeling the stinging. Fret didn't want him feeling anything other than how much Fret loved him. If only Fret could spin and drain Rindo at the same time...Maybe if he could find a way to be nestled perfectly within Rindo Soul, he could…
"Just thought I'd come see how terminally twitterpated you losers have become."
But Fret couldn't concentrate on twisters or draining while Shoka was still here, snarking about their snuggles. But he could massage the calming spots on Rindo's wings to keep him relaxed. "Is that all?"
Rindo hummed sleepily.
"Honestly kinda surprised to see you two still kicking," said Shoka. "Like, I know you have a Pale Noise, and Rindo's Inner Noise is all screwed up, but I would've expected a Player like you to just melt under the singing in no time."
"What do you know?" muttered Fret. "You ever sung before?"
"...No." Suddenly Shoka looked down, arms falling to her sides. "And I'm in no hurry to sing either."
Good. Maybe then she'd be uncomfortable enough to leave. "Then you don't get it. So go away and leave me with my Rindude."
What was with that sadly sour look? Why was she still here?
Then the two Reapers above, which had been circling each other in the air forever, abruptly locked wings and tumbled through the sky. They regained flight only just enough to avoid crashing into Fret, Rindo and Shoka, crashing down several feet away.
It was the Tigre-Cony Reaper and their partner, as Fret had suspected, with the Tigre-Cony Reaper pinned to the ground by their partner's sharp wings. There were no words, only screeching snarls from the partner as lime-green tattoos bled out of their skin, forming a sharp muzzle and claws, their eyes black except for brown irises and a tiny point of yellow light at the center of the pupil. Those kinds of demonic yowls…were they a Tasmanian Devil then?
Fret, Rindo, and Shoka all stared in stunned horror as the Tasmanian Devil viciously tore into the Tigre-Cony Reaper with their new fangs and claws, like the Tigre-Cony Reaper was a present to be ripped apart to get to the good stuff. The Tigre-Cony Reaper only emitted pained burbling sounds, their body and wings streaked with static. Why…Why weren't they fighting back? Were they still stunned from the crash?
A flock of red-hooded Reapers—where had they even come from?—rushed onto the scene, flashing key pins that raised thorny, impassable walls on all sides, isolating the warsong partners. Just like the barriers that littered the Game. All the elevators and doors suddenly sealed shut with barriers too.
"There we go." One of the red-hooded Reapers gave the onlookers a toothy grin. "They're contained, so you kiddos can watch safely now."
Shoka raised an eyebrow. "Through the thorns?"
"You can fly up if you want a better view. Just don't get too close to the wall or you'll get zapped."
Fret and Rindo could already see everything just fine though, since the bottom of the wall wasn't tangled with thorns either. But did they really want to witness one partner slashing the other to ribbons?
And yet, Fret couldn't look away.
"So proud…of your ego…" the Tigre-Cony Reaper grunted. "Yet you…lost yourself so quickly anyway..." Another strange burbling sound emitted from them, as the white of their eyes started to darken too. "Let me…show you…true control…"
Then the Tigre-Cony Reaper's eyes shone with Noise light, and a mass of crimson tattoo tendrils erupted from them, tangling around the partner Reaper's muzzle and torso.
What the hell? Was Tigre-Cony…a Jellyfish? No wait, they were…a plant? One of those red spider lily things? Inner Noise could be plants too?
The partner's angry, greedy cries soon turned panicked as they tore away the tentacles clamping their muzzle shut, trying to pull away from the Jellyfish. But the tendrils generated faster than they could destroy them, and soon the tentacles wound around not only their muzzle and torso, but also their arms and legs, preventing them from getting up. There were so many tattoo tendrils that Fret could barely see the partner Reaper caught up in them.
And then it seemed like the Tasmanian Devil…surrendered? Just sunk to the ground, curling up? One of the free tendrils even petted them a little?
But with an enraged snarl the Tasmanian Devil suddenly thrashed and tore free, lunging for the Red Spider Lily's throat.
Only for the Red Spider Lily to split in two right in front of them, causing the Tasmanian Devil to miss their mark. And by the time that they turned around, the two Red Spider Lilies had become four.
That was a thing the Red Spider Lily could do? That didn't seem fair at all!
And it wasn't.
Even though the Tasmanian Devil managed to shred a couple of the copies to shredded static, the Red Spider Lily could duplicate whenever they wanted. And when there were about a dozen of them surrounding the Tasmanian Devil, each coiling their tendrils around the Tasmanian Devil's torso, limbs, muzzle, and throat…
The wall Reapers watched the fight in grim silence.
Shoka was slackjawed like Fret and Rindo.
Their snarls turning to desperate wheezes, and then sputtering gurgles, as the knot of tendrils kept tightening around their chest and neck. The Tasmanian Devil's wings flapped rapidly and uselessly, until the remaining tendrils had woven into those too. Then the Tasmanian Devil's eyes glazed over, and they limply sank to their knees.
This…This was what a warsong fight was like?
Eventually the Tasmanian Devil's entire body flickered with static.
This…This was…
The partner started to break apart into orbs of light. Their tattoos, including the wings, turned pale and curled inward like peeling paint, before crumbling into static.
All those tendrils now hovered in the air aimlessly, as if uncertain what else to do with themselves.
Those globs of light and bits of static then got absorbed into only one of the Red Spider Lilies, while the rest abruptly faded into static. Then the Red Spider Lily shone with bright light as they took on a new Noise form: a much larger, more angular Red Spider Lily, almost resembling a squid, with red-to-green tattoo tendrils, and matching tattoo innards that were in a vaguely human shape.
The evolved Red Spider Lily simply floated there silently for a few moments, before the tattoos unwound and revealed…Not Tigre-Cony Reaper. Not exactly: their face and build was more broad, their eyes brown instead of blue, their blonde hair now so flaxen that it was almost white.
The wall Reapers took down the wall as the Not Tigre-Cony Reaper approached, quietly standing aside. Not-Tigre-Cony simply walked past them like they didn't exist.
Everyone acting like this was normal.
But Fret couldn't pretend. Not about this. "How…How could you…"
Pausing in their walk, Not-Tigre-Cony looked at, or maybe past, Fret with distant eyes.
Fret withered under the gaze, even though it wasn't hostile exactly. "Doing that to your partner…Do you not regret that?"
"Hey." Shoka shot Fret a sharp look.
"Oh, I regret it immensely." And suddenly Not-Tigre-Cony Reaper looked more tired than ever, that strange ethereal vibe they'd given off this whole time abruptly fading away. "But I imagine you already know why it had to happen that way. What drives a Reaper to that point."
Fret glanced away. Because in a way he did understand. As much as it terrified him that he understood. The need to be so close that there was no space, no Soul, no body between them and ultimate unification…
Fret could feel Rindo trembling underneath him.
"Yes, you will fully understand very soon." Not Tigre-Cony kept walking, ignoring all other distractions until they reached the elevator.
As the elevator doors closed, and the wall Reapers dispersed to wherever they had hidden before, Fret finally rose. helped Rindo up, and then hugged him.
"I love you…So much…" Fret whimpered into Rindo's shoulder. "I…I-I won't hurt you like that, I-I swear…" Even if he had been willingly, even eagerly, feasting on Rindo's Soul only a few minutes ago…
Rindo rubbed Fret's back, which only made Fret's back hurt worse as his wings pushed against his skin. "...I know you won't. You're…You're not like that. I mean, of course you're not, you've got a Pale Noise, they're supposed to be…nice? So I'm…I-I'm sure that it won't go like…like that…" He hid his face in the crook of Fret's neck, while his fingers focused on the happy spots in Fret's wings.
That made Fret feel a lot better. "Y-Yeah, you're right." He giggled as he nestled up to Rindo more, giving him some quick soft kisses on the cheek. "Yeah, we'll figure out a way to make it not that bad, I'm sure of it."
"Um…"
Kweh? Shoka was still here?
"What do you want?" Rindo growled. Fret felt Rindo push him closer to his chest, the extra pressure on those happy spots making Fret extra giddy. "Why are you even here?"
Instead of a snappy comeback, or even a dry eyeroll, Shoka almost wilted, her arms limp, her eyes set to the ground, before she tugged on the cat ears on her hoodie. "...I don't even know." Then she walked off.
…Weird. Had she just been curious maybe? Curiosity killed the cat and all. She did have a kitty hoodie…Though, for some reason, she didn't seem like a Cat? Even though she was kinda fickle like one?
"...I miss you, Fret."
Kweh? But Fret was…Ah, that's what he meant. The tension in Fret's body oozed out of him as the Soul twister slowly squeezed out his sense of reality, all sensations of the outside world gradually overcome by raw emotions, both his and Rindo's…
This feeling…This feeling was…
"...Rindo?"
"Yeah?"
"All this...Is this love?"
"...I dunno," admitted Rindo, before hugging Fret so tight that he could barely breathe, spinning Fret so fast that he could barely think. "But whatever it is, it's never enough."
"...Yeah..."
…His Rindo, his Rindo…No, he was…Rindo's Fret…No, there shouldn't be…any distinction between them…at all…
…So many meaningless colors and shapes…His body moving on its own…Because that was what Rindo…
…What were they doing? Where were they going? Didn't matter. All that mattered was Rindo. Rindo, and the endless Soul Twisters. Taking turns turning each other's Souls into gleeful spirals.
Because if they didn't…it hurt. It hurt so much to be apart, to be alone...
But this…this still wasn't…
…Huh?
…They were at…the Noise Cafe?
Fret couldn't remember coming here at all…Oh well.
…Snuggled into Rindo's side…at the table…this was…
"My Rindo…" Fret murmured.
Rindo scratched behind Fret's ear. "Still sleepy?"
Fret loved that wonderful, grounding attention. "...Yeah…"
Those Pale dog Noise…Staring through the window at them…
Fret growled at the intruders. His Rindo.
Rindo chuckled, now scritching Fret's scalp. "Wanna get some Noise food? The extra Soul might help you wake up a little more."
That…didn't sound too bad, actually. More energy meant more time awake, more time with Rindo. But to hunt, he'd have to leave his Rindo's side, and he didn't want to…
"So what do you want to eat?" Rindo poked Fret's chest with the menu.
…Oh…Right…Fret could just…
Fret glanced through the menu. He honestly wasn't that hungry…Even though he didn't remember what or when his last meal was. Still. Noise were packets of Soul. Even if it wouldn't be as good as Rindo's Soul, because nothing would be, having a Noise-flavored meal could help them both last longer. Even more time together…before…
Fret decided to start with the açai smoothie. Maybe its strong flavor would help drown out the fizzy feeling he hated so much? Maybe he would order a proper meal if he could stand the Noise carbonation...
…What Noise flavor did he want? Raven was the closest to Rindo, he supposed...
Fret grimaced as the frozen drink fizzled and popped like static in his mouth. Nope, still nasty, even to his Soul-starved self. He stubbornly forced himself to gulp it all down anyway. The faster he could drink it, the faster it would be over—
Ow! Brain freeze! Definitely not a galaxy brain move on his part.
At least Rindo gave him some pets. Okay, maybe not a galaxy-brained move, but a planet-brained move at least?
And Fret did eventually finish that Noise drink. His tongue and throat still crackled with electric pops even after chasing it down with a glass of 100% Noiseless water. Yuck. How did Rindo down three of those Noise drinks? No, wait, this was good. More Soul for Rindo.
…Fret should order more Noise drinks too. This was good for him, even if the static coating his stomach made his insides crawl. Anything for more time with his Rindo. Anything for his Rindo…
Anything that could…stop the teeth…
The waiter arrived again. Fret stopped growling once Rindo gave Fret a few pets.
They ordered more drinks, which arrived a couple minutes later. Fret was suddenly famished, slurping down his smoothie despite the crackling cold, even when the icy beverages made his head hurt.
But these drinks…
Fret didn't want these stupid Noise-flavored drinks. He wanted Noise-flavored Rindo.
Rindo pipped in minor surprise as Fret started to drain him. Then he tugged Fret closer. "Fret…This Noise-flavored stuff really isn't enough for you, is it?"
Fret shook his head, which turned into another nuzzle since his face was already pressed against Rindo.
"Yeah, I don't think that they're doing much for me either," admitted Rindo. "Since…They're not you."
"...Yeah."
They both stayed quiet for a few moments. Though Fret mostly stayed quiet because he was in the middle of eating.
"...I think we should go back to our room."
"...Yeah…" mumbled Fret. But if they started moving, then Fret wouldn't be able to focus on draining. "Lemme just…A couple more minutes…A little more…"
"Of course. Take all you need."
Once Fret ate his fill, or more accurately his guilty conscience finally outgrew his appetite for Soul, they headed back to their room.
Once there, Fret changed into his nightwear and didn't bother with a shower.
Rindo, however, did decide to take a shower. Maybe because he had a bird Noise, and birds liked to be clean.
So naturally, Fret missed Rindo immediately and pilfered his coat off the rack. He nuzzled it to take in all that wonderful Rindo scent, and when that wasn't enough he gnawed on the sleeves and collar, and when that wasn't enough he rolled all over it to make it smell more like himself.
Fret was snuggled on top of the jacket, and was considering maybe even wearing it, when Rindo finally exited the bathroom. "You really like that coat, huh?"
"Uh huh! Cause it smells like you!" said Fret, sticking his nose down in the folds again. "It's nice for when you're not right there."
"Gotcha." Rindo walked over to the bed, but studied Fret a while longer. He smiled. "Tell you what. Do you wanna keep that coat?"
Fret stared up at him. "Wait, really? But you love this coat, right? And I don't know where we'd find another one, since you got it from a secondhand store or whatever."
Rindo sat down next to Fret, rustling his hair. "Well yeah, but I also love you, and I can't find another you at a branded clothes store either."
Fret grinned as he rested his head in Rindo's lap, still holding onto the crumpled coat. Aw, Rindo was so kind, and sweet, and nice, just giving this to him out of the blue and wait this felt familiar.
And suddenly Fret remembered lying on his back, staring up a clear sunny sky from the middle school roof on his lunch break, when something dark plopped onto his face and obscured his vision.
"Here. I know you've always liked this hat, so you can have it. Take good care of it, okay?"
And Fret had been so delighted that he'd worn the hat for the rest of the day, regardless of how it had messed up his hair. Not just because it had been a cool hat, but because it had been his friend's hat, and his friend had seemed so happy that Fret had been happy, but then the next day...
"Fret?" asked Rindo, as Fret curled up, whining. "Fret, what's wrong?"
Fret's whining continued. No, not his coat, not his coat. Fret didn't want just Rindo's coat. He suddenly scrambled up, wrapped the coat around Rindo, and held him tight, whimpering.
"W-What's wrong?" Oh no, the way Rindo's voice trembled..."W-What'd I do wrong?"
Fret struggled to form words and to not break down into another yelping fit like at the spa. "You didn't...You didn't do anything wrong. I just..." More whines forced their way through his throat. "...Don't want the coat. Because what if...what if you gave me the coat, but then I...I never saw you..." His words broke down to whimpers again.
"Fret, it's alright. You're my partner. We're singing. I won't leave you," Rindo assured him, kissing his forehead. "I-I just thought that maybe you'd like having the coat. But if not, that's fine, I'll keep it."
Fret's whimpers eventually stopped, though he still held onto Rindo. He chuckled weakly. "Why am I like this?"
"Because you're a Dog?"
…Heh, maybe Rindo had a point. But Fret still felt bad about it. Rindo loved him, clearly. He had always loved him. So why couldn't Fret get his panicking heart to believe that right now?
"From what I can tell, everyone is a mess during singing," said Rindo.
"You seem okay though?"
"That's only because I've had a little extra time to get used to it," admitted Rindo. "But at first? I was terrified of it. To the point where I was trying to do anything I could to stop it. You can't, of course, not really anyway, but I didn't know that. It got so bad that I was doing things like getting a seal put on my Soul, or trying to tear off my tattoos as my Noise emerged. I even tried to turn Boss Noise just to..."
Fret's blood froze. Rindo being willing to hurt himself like that…
He could have lost Rindo that way too.
Fret started whimpering again.
"Fret, it's okay!" Rindo said. "I know better now. I won't be trying anything like that again!"
But it was absolutely not okay. Fret's whimpers escalated to upset yowls, which he tried to muffle in Rindo's shoulder.
"Fret..." Rindo sounded so sad.
Maybe...Maybe Fret just needed to tell him. About his old friend, and how Fret failed so horribly at being a friend in turn. About how much Fret faked his smiles after that, and sometimes even now. Would Rindo still love him though, if Fret told him all that?
…Of course Rindo would. Fret swallowed his pained yowls, forcing himself to breathe regularly.
But would Rindo be able to trust Fret, if he admitted what a liar he could be? That he wasn't always the bouncing ball of sunshine that Rindo thought he was? That Rindo needed him to be?
Losing that kind of trust…
Some needy whines slipped out despite Fret's best efforts.
"Fret, do you need Soul?"
"N-No, I..." Fret couldn't handle even more guilt right now. Even though Rindo almost seemed happy whenever Fret drained him. Something about feeling needed? "I...Actually, could you drain me instead?"
"Huh? Are you sure?"
"S-Sounds weird, I know. But it might help calm me down?"
"Um...okay? Just tell me if I take too much. Or yelp or growl or something."
"Okay."
Fret felt the sting in his Soul more than usual, maybe because his emotions were so inflamed right now. But that was fine. That was good, even. That pain brought the world back into focus a little bit. Brought his Rindo back into focus a little more. His Rindo. No, Fret belonged to Rindo.
And Rindo needed his Fret. So Rindo wouldn't leave him. Because Rindo needed every bit of Fret's Soul and energy, eventually. It was so nice to be needed.
And he would make Rindo feel needed too, because he loved and needed his Rindo as much as his Rindo loved and needed him. Fret's Soul nestled up to Rindo's and siphoned his in turn.
Mutual drain. Oboro, or whatever that self-eating snake was called. If Rindo drained him and Fret drained Rindo. then maybe they really could make their small pool of Soul last forever. A perfect balance, swirling together forever until there was no difference between them at all. No past, no future, just a blissful warm existence. No loneliness, no memories, just emotion, just love…
Was...Was this what it was gonna be like when…
Fret wasn't sure what broke the spell, as he slowly recovered his sense of reality. Oh, maybe because Rindo had fallen asleep? A nice, warm, sleeping Rindo, cocooned in his coat and in Fret's arms. Fret felt...not refreshed exactly, but very toasty and peaceful.
Man, why had Fret even bothered waking up? No point in being awake if Rindo wasn't.
...Warm, sleepy…
What time was it anyway? Maybe Fret should…
Fret couldn't move. His body was too painfully relaxed, his Soul…
…Huh? A Soul Twister? Rindo could do that in his sleep now?
This was…This was fine. That was good even. Much better than Rindo trying to drain Fret while asleep. Did Rindo miss Fret while locked away in slumber? Just like Fret missed him?
As if in response, the twister in Fret's Soul intensified, and Fret felt himself sinking under reality.
Awww...Fret missed Rindo too…So much…
And he ran and ran through the fields and it was so fun to run and jump and howl at the bird in the sky, pretty bird with pretty feathers and pretty voice. And he ran and ran and ran until he ran so fast that he was running on air. Who needed wings? He did. He wanted wings. And there they were, black and glistening. Was he a bird now? No, maybe not?
…Feeding. He was feeding on Rindo's Soul. But Rindo was feeding on his Soul too, so it was…
The stinging in Fret's Soul ebbed, only for his Soul to start swirling rapidly. This pressure as he was pulled back into the depths…Crushing…Suffocating…
Bird calling to him, crooning. Chase the lovely, sweet bird. Chase and chase and chase and croon back to it. Keep warm and safe and happy. Love him. Love him so much. Love love love love love. His bird, his bird, singing. Fire. Love love love love love love love love love love. But fire, fire! But love, so much love! But the more he took the more he burned but the more he burned the more he needed to take and something was eating him alive the bird no the ants—
…Stinging. Rindo was here. Everywhere. Rindo was latched onto him, or grafted onto him, drinking in as much as he could. But if this…this kept going…
…But wasn't this…what he wanted? For their Souls to be…
Stinging stopped. Soul whirling again.
No…No, Fret couldn't keep going under like this! He needed to…But even if he could surface, he still might not be able to breathe. His chest was so tight, his heart so…
…Soft warbles and croons in his ear. Nervous yet eager yips and whines escaped from Fret in turn. Their Inner Noise talking to each other, comforting each other from their cages…
…Aww, their Inner Noise loved each other too, needed each other…Needed each other so much that they would gladly rend away all this needless human flesh just so they could finally meet and feast.
Needless…human…
…Greedily gulping, but it was only filling his lungs instead of his heart. So submerged within Rindo's Soul, so entangled, so blended, he didn't even know…
…Flooded with bliss…dissolving into dreams…with his Rindo…Wasn't this…what he…
…What he…What he…Who he really…
Who was he?
Who was he?
Panic. WhoWasHeWhoWasHeWhereWasHe? Where did his existence even begin? Or was he just all Rindo, just some favorite figment of his Imagination that was thinking too much?
No, he was real, he had to be real, because his Rindo loved him so much, loved him so much that he wanted them to melt together forever. But if that was what Rindo wanted above all else, then that meant that they had to have started apart first, right?
And he loved his Rindo he loved him so much he loved his Rindo he loved his Rindo he loved loved loved loved loved loved loved loved loved loved loved loved loved loved loved loved loved loved his Rindo his Rindo his Rindo he loved—
…Stop…
But he loved his Rindo he loved he loved he loved—
…Stop, he wanted…He needed to think about something other than Rindo…Even though he really did love him so much…And his heart burned and burned and burned and…
But he…he needed to…he needed to move and…and…and…and if he didn't…if he didn't, then he'd just spin apart yet again and this time he might not be able to—
His mind finally reconnected with his body, and he rolled out of bed even before he fully returned to reality. Right, he was…he was…
Fret.
Probably. He honestly wasn't sure how much of his Soul was his own, and how much was Rindo's. Or, conversely, how much of Fret's Soul had actually escaped, and how much was still happily swirling within Rindo. Even now Fret could still feel a sluggish spinning within his chest, though it felt less like an active stirring and more like the leftover currents of previous twisters, still moving on its own.
How long…Fret stumbled over to his phone partly out of curiosity, and partly to give his mind something to focus on other than Rindo. Right now he was afraid to even look in Rindo's direction, in case that alone would put him under the spell of the Soul twister again. He had only been able to put distance between them because he had been the one holding Rindo, rather than the other way around. If Fret got drawn back in, and the sleeping Rindo wrapped his arms and wings around him, while also spinning their Souls together yet again…
Phone. Focus on his phone. Half-blinding himself with its light was strangely helpful. And after waiting for his eyes to adjust, and then waiting for his brain to remember how numbers worked again…Holy shit, had they really been like that for…hours? No wonder Fret felt so disoriented…The previous times had lasted maybe a half-hour tops?
...And he craved the twister's stifling, dissolving embrace again...And he could hear that bird's sweet song beckoning him. His…His Rindo was waiting for him, with just the Soul twister Fret yearned for…
…Was Soul twister even the right word for all this though? This felt like something stronger, deeper, richer. Like Rindo didn't just want to weave into Fret's Soul, but into his very thoughts and muscles. Fret could already feel himself turning toward Rindo and…
No. No, don't go back to Rindo right now. Fret forced himself to stagger to the bathroom instead. He had planned to splash his face with water to wake himself up a little more, only to flinch at the sight of himself in the mirror. What was this pale thing with tangled hair and dark circles under its eyes? He...He shouldn't look like that. He should be blond with brown eyes, like…
He...He needed to leave. Fret needed to leave.
Get up and take a quick walk, until his head was clear of delirious dreams and desires. Even though he really didn't want to. But at the same time, he really really did. He wanted and needed to leave so much that he was even willing to put a door between him and Rindo, so he could pace back and forth in the hallway.
He left a sticky note on the door in case Rindo woke up and wondered where Fret was. Even put a smiley at the end so Rindo wouldn't worry too much. Maybe. No, he would definitely worry no matter what, so Fret should...
...What should Fret do? That was the whole problem, wasn't it? He loved Rindo, but he didn't want to lose Rindo, but he wouldn't lose him ever if they were one Soul, but then he couldn't cuddle him ever if they were one Soul, but if they weren't one Soul then Rindo could leave, but Rindo wouldn't leave him because Rindo loved him, and Rindo loved him so much that he wanted his Soul to be one with Fret's, needed Fret just as much as Fret needed him, so wouldn't it be rude to deny Rindo, because Fret loved Rindo, but he didn't want to lose…
And so his thoughts cycled, just as his path up and down the hallway did. Even though Fret felt so tired and achy and lightheaded. His skin was damp and dripping, like he was still melting under Rindo's influence. Drowning under his influence even, for even now Fret struggled to connect with real-world sensation under the thick film of emotions encasing his Soul. Even this weak Soul twister might be enough to pull him down eventually...
…Or the teeth would drag him down instead, the needy hot hungry pain biting into his heart and Soul over and over and…
"Aghglegle!"
The sudden shriek grounded Fret a little bit. Huh, what was…Oh, it was that one Reaper girl with the glasses and the red bandana over her mouth, who had just emerged from one of the hallway doors. Had he nearly bumped into her in his dazed state?
"Is it that chucklefrick stomping around and whining like a mutt out there?" That sounded like the shark-toothed girl's voice coming from the room.
"'Tis i-indeed he…" mumbled the glasses girl.
Though the slightly ajar door, Fret saw a…big elaborate circular design spraypainted onto the floor? What was that, some kinda art project?
"Then do your job already!" snapped the shark-toothed girl. "And close the door, dipshit!"
"Ah, y-yes!" The glasses girl hurriedly shut the door.
"Oh, hi?" said Fret. "You need some space from your partner too?" Oh, that sounded so bad. Fret didn't want to be away from Rindo...
"...Greetings." Her eyes narrowed as she studied him. "…You appear rather distressed."
Fret forced on a grin. "I'm…I'm fine. I just need…"
…The Soul twister…Was it getting stronger? Was Rindo missing him?
…Or was Fret just getting weaker? It was so hard to focus when his mind kept bobbing in and out of the world, his Rindo seeping into every pore of Fret the longer he soaked in this soup of Soul. His chest was so flooded with heat and loneliness that it was getting hard to breathe.
Sinking…He was sinking and he almost wanted to and—
Another surprised shriek forced him back up. Oh, he was…gripping onto the girl's wrist tightly? Why? Because it was…something solid to grab onto?
"P-P-P-Pardon?" Yeah, Fret couldn't blame her for being freaked out.
"S-Sorry, just…uh, gimme a sec to, um…feel real again? Then I'll be good?" Why was he shaking? "'Course it won't…it won't matter soon…But…But I…I-I just wanna be real for a little bit longer? Before…"
"You're frightened." A simple statement.
…Yes. Fret was scared. Why was he still scared, even now? Especially now?
"Is this...not what you wish for, then?" she asked. "Do you not desire to be consumed by the 4-2-1 after all?"
Fret felt his focus floating apart again, despite his physical contact with another person. Was the constant pressure of the Soul twister the only thing that had been holding Fret's Soul together? Did his heart only keep beating because his Inner Noise chewed on it so incessantly, so rhythmically? "I...This isn't about me. It's about my Rindo."
"It will result in your death, if you continue down this path." The girl looked...sad, maybe? It was a little hard to tell with the bandana and shiny glasses. "I would say it is very much about you, as well as the one that will consume you. You already appear so terribly pallid."
"Eh, I'm already dead anyway." Fret missed his Rindo. He should have been with his Rindo. How much of a difference would it be to die again anyway? He didn't even remember the first time he died. Perhaps the second time wouldn't be so…
…No, it would not be peaceful. The Inner Noise would…
"To fear for your life in the face of dissolution is perfectly understandable, perfectly human even," said the girl. She studied his still-trembling hand wrapped around her wrist. "Such humanity…Do you truly wish to lose that, along with your life?"
Humanity…What did that even mean by this point? Rindo was human too, even if he now had tattoo wings, right? And while Fret was more vanilla human, he had a not-so-vanilla Inner Noise howling for Rindo's Soul. "The singing...it's inevitable. He's singing, I'm singing...We both want this." His mind drifted to that already-nebulous but wonderful time he spent draining and being drained in turn. To even that terrifyingly long Soul twister right after, the one that was still going even now. "We both need this."
"You needn't be," said the girl. "Perchance, what if I informed you that there was another way? L-Lord Tomonami..."
"Another way?" Fret hated the hopeful note that snuck out on his voice. Especially since this 'Lord Tomonami' sounded very much like a cult leader or something. Fret shouldn't be this—
"Ninety degrees."
Fret yelped as a tall and familiar figure teleported right behind the girl. "Wha? M-Mr. Minami? What are you doing here?"
The girl turned to Minamimoto and made the strangest gargling-cooing sound Fret had ever heard. "L-L-Lord Tomonami!"
Minamimoto ignored her. "Zeptogram No. 1, your latent ability adds too much value to my formula's output to let it unwillingly be crunched by 4-2-1. If we calculate and place a sigil on your Soul now, that will give us enough time to devise—"
"Whoa whoa, wait a sec!" said Fret, putting his hands up. "Is...Is this something that can help Rindo too?"
"Hmph. Zeptogram No. 2's eigenvector has long surpassed the event horizon," said Minamimoto, folding his arms. "If we waste much more t-variable here, so will yours."
So Rindo had to sing no matter what. Fret's brief hope faded. "Then I'm…not interested."
An incomprehensible squawk from the girl. Maybe she had some kind of bird Noise.
Just like Rindo…His Rindo…His lovely, cufurreal Rindo, tugging on Fret's Soul so impatiently…Waiting in the depths, just for him…
"Zeptogram!" Minamimoto growled, clapping one hand hard on Fret's shoulder.
Fret yelped in surprise, but the scorching heat from Minamimoto's hand helped him return to reality a little. Right…He wanted to be with his Rindude…But if he let himself be swallowed up by Rindo's Soul again, then Fret may never…
"Zeptogram No. 2 can 4-2-1 any random radian he wants in order to take the next step toward an obtuse angle. It doesn't have to be you in that equation."
It didn't…have to be…"But he wants me." Fret pressed his hand into his chest on the last word. "And...And I wanna be with him, no matter what." Because what else would he want to do other than be with his Rindo?
"Y-You do not need to share the same body to be with him!" the girl piped up. "Nay, you can be with him longer if you are not consumed as his thrall!"
True, Fret could be guaranteed to spend more time with Rindo if they stayed separate. While with singing…Then again, Rindo would be a different person after singing someone else, wouldn't he? And the idea of Rindo being with anyone else was…"What about you? Don't you want to be with your partner forever?"
"None of us are in a 4-2-1 state, nor do we have any desire to be." said the girl. "Witnessing how 4-2-1 corrupts the love and humanity of those ensnared only further strengthens my resolve against it."
"Huh? Wait, if you're not singing, then why are you guys here?"
Minamimoto sneered like a.…What would Mr. Minami's Noise form be, anyway? He couldn't think of any animals that were notoriously good with numbers. Crocodile maybe? He sure had a crocodile smile sometimes. Or maybe he was a Wolf instead? Definitely not a Dog, like Fret. Or a Raven, like—
"Zeptogram!"
"Huh?"
"I said why waste your time on protecting one person when you can protect the whole 428?"
"...What?"
"Your Remind," said Minamimoto. "With your ability to mass-imprint, we can accelerate our formula to claim 428 for ourselves! There's a hyper-real power in that trash Noise the masked zeptogram put out."
Who, Rindo? Wait, was he talking about Rindo's Inner Noise?
Minamimoto folded his arms. "If we're going to inverse that matrix, we need to Remind every digit that this city is theirs! That anything that intercepts or diminishes the city is garbage! That anything that intercepts or diminishes them is garbage! Prepare their Souls and eigenvectors for any attack! You only need to keep Reminding them to love their city and fight!"
Fret had no idea what any of that meant. "But why would you need me to not sing in order to do that? Wouldn't my ability be stronger after I evolve with Rindo?" He grinned. "We're not gonna be just 1 plus 1. We're gonna be 1 times 1 baby!"
Minamimoto glowered at Fret. "1 × 1 is less than 1 + 1, you hollow-skulled hectopascal!" He huffed. "But maybe that works as an analogy. When 2 goes down to 1, something must be subtracted. Your Remind is likely to be one of those subtractions."
"But not guaranteed, huh?" Fret winked. "How would you know that I would even lose it?"
"You're choosing to have your eigenvector crunched by his," said Minamimoto. "Then it's your personality matrix that gets compacted and added to the heap. Your latent ability is a dependent variable on your personality matrix."
"Oh," said Fret. He supposed that made sense. Couldn't remind himself how to Remind if he couldn't remember how to do it. Or remember who he was.
"We would be honored if you joined our brigade to free Shibuya from this tyrannical Game, Lord Zeptogram No. 1," said the girl. "And it pains me to see yourself and others suffer under the blood-red honeymoon brought forth by 4-2-1."
Suffering…
Singing wasn't that bad though, for the most part. Sure sometimes it was scary. Very scary actually. Like right now, as he struggled to keep any sense of reality whatsoever. And then there would be the warsong fight…
…Assuming that Fret's Soul didn't just dissolve into Rindo's first…And even that was…
But despite all that, these past three days...They had been mostly happy. Just him and Rindo, doing whatever they wanted. Cuddling whenever they wanted, without shame, without guilt. He did not feel guilt for loving Rindo, for missing Rindo, for wanting Rindo and nothing else. The only guilt he felt was from past wounds that refused to heal, which Rindo had nothing to do with.
The time before all this...Surrounded by people, yet always feeling alone. Because no one would accept his anger or his grief, only his smiles. Any less pleasant emotions that he had trusted others with had only been…and he didn't want to drag them down into his misery anyway. All that attention that fell into a bottomless pit within him, doing little to warm him, yet he kept on craving it endlessly...
Just as he had yearned for Rindo back then, so close and yet so far, had yearned for him all the time. But if Fret had confessed that, then would timid Rindo have fled from him, never to return? Of course Fret knew better now, but back then…
…Though past Fret supposed that Rindo retreating from him was better than with what happened to his old friend. Anything was better than that, even loneliness. And Fret would be fine, just as he always was in the end, no matter how much his heart cycled between joy and numbness and agony. But he knew better than to push his bad feelings onto others. Because everyone hurt in their own way.
To feel and hide constant pain was just part of being human, after all.
That cold existence, for he really couldn't call it much of a life...That's when he had really suffered.
"Well, Zeptogram No. 1?" asked Minamimoto.
Fret smiled. Suddenly he was so warm. "If all you need is my Remind, then don't worry about it. I'll Remind Rindo how to do it, after the singing."
Minamimoto made a sound like he was coughing up a hairball. Oh, was he a Cat? "Zeptogram! When you go into 4-2-1, you will no longer exist. What part of 'personality matrix gets crunched' are you not factoring in?"
Fret shook his head, still grinning. "Nah, I won't die, If I can be the light within Rindo's Soul, and keep him warm forever…That's all I need, really. I mean, I won't have a body anymore, sure, but I'll always be with my Rindo in spirit."
"Ngahgergle! H-How can you be so sure?" asked the girl.
Fret wasn't. Everyone had their own theories. But, for all the spiritual and scientific knowledge of the Reapers, no one really knew what happened to the minds of the sung, did they? Just that they became part of a new Soul.
But if there was no way to know the truth, then Fret might as well believe whatever he wanted.
"Because Rindo said that he'll pull me back together piece by piece if he had to, and I believe in Rindo more than anything else." Yes, because Rindo had seen Fret at his whimpering worst, too weak to fight off his own Noise and his own guilt, but Rindo still held him and loved him. "And my Rindo's gotta sing somebody, right? So it might as well be me. No, I want it to be me."
"But why would you want that?" asked the girl.
"Because I love Rindo," said Fret. "I always have. Even before the singing."
He missed Rindo. He missed Rindo so much. His hand gripped his sweltering chest, but he wished it was Rindo's hand there instead. What was he doing here? He should be with Rindo.
"Stop listening to your garbage eigenvector and think!" barked Minamimoto.
"Indeed! Don't disregard your own humanity so easily!" shrieked the girl.
"I'm done thinking," snapped Fret. "And I'm done with being human too. Being human is pain, and it just puts distance between me and my Rindo. Why would I stay human when I can just be with my Rindo forever, and feel super good forever? My Rindo always makes me so happy…"
"Nghererergh?" The girl scowled. "Would you truly forfeit your Soul merely for pleasure?"
'Merely' for pleasure. As if the deep-rooted happiness Rindo brought Fret every moment was comparable to the mild amusement of browsing youtube videos while bored, or gawking at pretty people in a movie, or seeing a fleeting sunrise after yet another sleepless night. The euphoria Rindo gave Fret from every word, every touch, every twister, every drain…He wouldn't expect someone pretending to sing to even remotely understand it.
And that included not just this girl, but also…
Fret turned to Minamimoto. "And I don't care about your plan either. If I have to stay human to do it, then it's not worth it."
Minamimoto looked disgusted. "You don't give a digit about the city?"
Fret shook his head. "It doesn't matter where we live. Shibuya can burn for all I care. I only need my Rindo."
"Hmph. Fine. Go get yourself factored then." When Minamimoto spoke again, he directed his voice only towards the girl. "Let's go."
Like Fret had become part of the scenery to him. That suited Fret just fine. Didn't need anyone looking at him except his cufurreal Rindo anyway.
The girl made another indistinguishable keening sound. Man, what Noise was she? Did Fret even care at this point? "V-Very well. Fare thee—" And then she vanished along with Minamimoto.
Fret breathed a sigh of relief. He should get back before Rindo woke up and panicked. He missed his Rindo so much.
He fumbled back to the door, opened it, and...oh good, Rindo was still asleep. He quietly stepped inside, crumpled the sticky note, headed for the bed, and almost fell because something got caught on the endtable.
Fret looked down. His hat. His friend's hat. The friend who had left him and everything else forever. The friend that had given him nothing but this hat and the scars on his heart. Despite everything Fret did to help him.
Fake friend. Unneeded friend.
Fret's lips curled back as a snarl rumbled in his throat. Who needed a friend like that when he had his Rindo now, who loved and loved and loved him? Who needed painful thoughts of that stupid friend or his stupid hat?
Fret thudded down on the floor and tore into the ragged black cap with his teeth, growling. Stupid! Stupid! Who needed it? Shred! Shred! Shred the stupid hat with the stupid memories that he didn't want or need to follow him into eternity! That he didn't want following the new Rindo into eternity! If only so much of Fret could make it, then he might as well let this part die right here. Think about what he wanted to lose!
Rindo shifted and murmured something in his sleep, but didn't wake up. Fret's growling simmered down, though he still angrily gnawed on one of the hat scraps to make sure it was dead. Then he gathered up all the torn pieces, dumped them in the trashcan, and covered them up with a few crumpled tissues, even using a couple to blow his nose for extra authenticity.
Threat disposed. One piece of Fret Rindo didn't need. Now Rindo could recreate an even better Fret.
And now, finally, Fret could let himself drift on the currents back to Rindo. His body moved toward Rindo on its own, barely sensing the carpet under his feet, or the covers on his skin, or even the warmth of Rindo's body against his. No, the real warmth Fret craved was…
Rindo hummed but did not wake, wrapping his arms and wings and Soul around Fret at the same time. Fret could feel the whirlpool within his chest grow. Already his body grew limp. Finally his body grew limp, after trying to resist Rindo's pull for so long…
It was over. That time away from Rindo…It was all over now. Or it would be soon…
…Perfect.
"Rindo," Fret murmured. "Have I ever told you that I love you?"
No response from the sleeping Rindo, but there didn't need to be. Because of course Fret had told him that before, had told him that over and over. And that was all Rindo needed to know. All that Fret needed to say.
Yeah…Yeah, Rindo didn't need to know everything about him. Or even that much about him at all. Just like Fret hadn't needed to know that much about Kanon to get a sense of who she was. And maybe, in a weird way, he didn't want to know too much about her. Not just because she wasn't Rindo, but because…Well, he liked the version of her in his head. Why mess up a good thing with something as petty as truth?
To be a symbol of love and happiness rather than just a flawed person…Everyone became a symbol eventually, right? Once they stopped existing in the real world…
Now, all Fret had to do was close his eyes and let himself sink and…and let himself become the Fret that Rindo wanted him to be…The Fret that Rindo needed him to be…
And he ran and ran in the sky because he was so light, he was the light itself, with the lovely sweet bird on his back serving as his wings, as they serenaded the sun together, over a sea of rose-colored fire and roasting ants, and he was so warm...
Next chapter probably won't take that long to go up. It's a shorter chapter and only needs a few final touches. Plus a little something extra that I'm cooking up.
Because it's finally time for the big event next chapter.