Hi! Been a little while, huh? Both me and my betas were busy with other stuff, including the TWEWY Bang event, so that's the main reason why this is a little later than usual.
This is more of a chill chapter, where we see what Rindo's new life in Shinjuku is like.
Thanks as always to my betas oddvector and Darkblaw for reading this over and helping me polish up the details. Oddvector in particular helped with the names of the minor Reapers and making sure that everyone's talking styles sounded distinct. He worked very hard on fleshing out these Reapers, so give him a big round of applause everyone!
Scale 16: Aspect of Truth
Shinjuku was this weirdly dreamlike place, a hollow city filled with the empty echoes of people long dissolved. Most of the buildings looked normal, but then some seemed to have…something like Noise growing through the walls and breaking them down? Not Noise animals, not even Noise plants, just raw jagged lines jutting in and out of the surface, curling in on themselves. The sky was this bizarre steely silver, constantly shifting, but with no sense of whether it was supposed to be day or night. Like someone had crumpled up aluminum foil, melted it, and stuck the goo above the city.
There was a strange translucent film on everything too, apparently the remains of the Plague Noise. They had starved once they had eaten all the sentient Soul in Shinjuku. Even the regular Noise population had been wiped out, after the Plague Noise had chewed through all the humans.
And yet some kind of Noise life was forming anew, now that the Plague Noise were gone.
This silent city, housing only the whispers of past times…Rindo found something oddly comforting about it, despite the melancholy. Maybe because it was so…peaceful? Compared to the manic hustle and bustle of Shibuya at least. Rindo had never liked crowds much, and had mostly only endured them for Fret's sake.
But many of the Shinjuku Reapers broke down crying at the sight, like Susukichi. Others stayed somberly silent for hours, like Shoka. To see their home as nothing but a desolate ruin, so distant from whatever their memories of it were…
Yeah, Rindo couldn't blame them at all. If anything he was the weird one for finding this tomb of an area strangely soothing. So he kept that to himself.
After his new family had taken a few days to mourn for everything they'd lost, it was time to start rebuilding. But where to start? Especially since their previous leader Shiba had been so ruthlessly erased from the inside-out?
Ayano took charge, even though she was probably the one the most devastated by Shiba's death. "We must honor Shiba's legacy and make this city beautiful again!" she declared, as she assigned everyone tasks to restore Shinjuku. Scrub off the post-Plague film, pick up all the litter, extract and collect the formless Noise into pins to weave them into proper Noise later—that kind of thing.
Tireless work, day in and day out. Yet Rindo almost welcomed it, after so much chaos. Just simple, repetitive chores that didn't require much thought. A state where he could finally process everything that happened at his own pace.
And Rindo had no choice but to go at his own pace, because of Fret.
Fret—it had to be Fret, right?—was mostly a dead weight on Rindo's Soul when Rindo was awake. Sometimes his heart felt extra tight and painful, maybe from Fret squeezing it in his slumber like a precious toy. He had always been a snuggly sleeper.
Then Rindo would miss him too and get so drowsy, losing what little interest he had for real-life matters. Because why stay awake when Fret waited for him in his dreams?
Even if those dreams entailed…
Well, they weren't always nightmares. Sometimes Rindo's dreams even blossomed into adventures with Fret. Conquering the department stores of the high seas, or going up against a giant mecha version of Nagi the Edgelord that was way less scary than the real thing. Or just the two of them floating through the stars together, hand in hand. Determined to keep each other safe and toasty even in this dark cold void. Bound together by red strings to make sure they never drifted apart ever again.
Occasionally Fret pulled him down for a cuddle session instead, a sleep full of hugs and kisses and 'I love you's that was far more refreshing than any other kind of rest. Those dreams made Rindo feel so warm and weak that he almost wondered if he was singing all over again.
…He wasn't, right? Yeah, he had checked with Kaie on that, who had assured him that needing to sleep more than usual wasn't uncommon for fresh singers, and neither were dreams about their sung partners.
They were the kinds of dreams where Rindo knew they were dreams, and felt every minute of the time he remained asleep, yet he had no say in what happened in the dreams themselves. Which was horrible if Fret needed to devour him, but so wonderful when Fret could just be himself.
But man, Rindo was so tired, all the time…
IIIIII
When Rindo wasn't working on restoring Shinjuku as a whole, he was helping Ayano and Shoka restore the Reaper's old home. Originally everyone had lived in a high rise apartment complex, with penthouses and a garden for all the officers. Though Rindo could tell that even the lower apartments had been really nice, furnished and home-y, before the Plague Noise had ruined everything.
Straightening this place out was just another restoration task that needed to be done. They'd make it gorgeous again in no time.
Though where would Rindo hang his coat…Oh? Ayano had invited him to live with her and Shoka? That was…really nice of them, actually. Rindo would have been happy to accept a regular Reaper apartment, but…Well, it was nice to not be alone in a place he barely knew anything about. So he gladly accepted the offer.
Ayano liked to mother Rindo, maybe even more than she mothered Shoka. Probably because Rindo didn't resist it as much. So Ayano would fuss over his strange clothes, his tangled hair, and his lack of appetite.
...It reminded Rindo of his own mom, a little.
Though, all this doting attention…didn't really make Rindo feel better. He still missed Fret's physical presence, after all. Even though his spiritual presence remained slumped over Rindo's heart at all times, slumbering until Rindo himself fell asleep. If…If Rindo let Fret feed enough during his dreams, would Fret start having enough energy to stay awake during the day? Or would that only result in Rindo being too exhausted to wake up, and…then what?
But having someone else to mother seemed to make Ayano feel better, so Rindo passively accepted it. Though he was not changing his outfit style for her. He worked hard trying to coordinate outfits that represented both him and Fret. The business casual stuff that Ayano liked…Honestly, Rindo didn't mind those kinds of clothes, unlike Shoka. But they were not Fret's kind of threads at all, nor did they mix well with anything Fret did like.
If Fret had been there, like really there, he probably would've talked Rindo's ear off about how trendy Ayano's picks were, or how they matched the latest business styles.
But the sleepy Fret curled around his heart remained silent, and Rindo stayed unsure whether Ayano was a trendsetter or way behind the times.
Regardless of whether Ayano disagreed with Rindo's fashion choices or not, she would always be there to reassure him. Telling him that he was strong for going through so much in such a short period of time, and that Shiba would have been proud of him. Such a shame that Shiba would have never been able to see him grow. Shiba had loved seeing the new Reapers blossom as they forged their identities. Why, Shiba had even brought Shoka to Ayano in the first place, when he'd recognized that the then-newly promoted Reaper had needed extra support and guidance from a mentor figure.
Though privately Shoka had told Rindo that Ayano hadn't been too jazzed about having to babysit a new Reaper all those years ago. But Ayano and Shoka had bonded together before long, and Shoka guessed that Shiba's death had made Ayano want to recreate that feeling. The feeling of providing extra support and guidance to someone who needed it.
Extra support and guidance, huh? Rindo wondered how his own mom was doing. Oh wait, she wouldn't even be a mom now, because he was—had been—an only child.
So was she living a completely different, childless life? Would he even recognize her if he went back to see how she was doing? Or had the reality warp somehow given her a different kid? Some totally new person getting all his mom's worried texts and air-hugs—
…Rindo was thinking too much about what he couldn't change again.
It was really nice to hear Ayano's stories about Shiba. How Shiba would often stroll about Shinjuku just to talk to every Reaper, even support Reapers. By the time Shiba had become Shibuya's Conductor, he'd no longer had time to do that. But he'd still reached out everyday through the announcements.
Huh, so that's why those broadcasts happened, huh? Rindo had always thought the guy just felt like being a game show host or something. But then again, he had never really known Shiba. Rindo had gotten, what, one conversation with the guy? And then everything had gone to hell in Shibuya, and Shiba had gotten his Soul torn apart by Nagi the Edgelord. Not a fate Rindo wished on anyone, much less someone who was so important to so many people.
Not everyone had the rosiest view of Shiba though. Hishima in particular was cold whenever the topic of Shiba came up. A few other coworkers thought that Shiba'd undergone a total personality shift the moment he'd become Conductor. But that didn't match the Shiba that Shoka, Susukichi, and Ayano told him about.
Rindo hadn't known Shiba, but he was sad that they couldn't have talked together just a little more.
IIIIII
It was universally agreed upon that literally everyone needed therapy after losing Shiba and being thrown out of Shibuya. Which was why Rindo had to wait a while before he could finally get an appointment. Especially since he had specifically requested on the form for a therapist who believed in the persistence of the sung after singing. He didn't need someone telling him to let go of his delusions or whatever. But eventually, he was assigned to one Yasue Kamemoto.
Ms. Kamemoto was a slight, almost spritely figure who barely sank down into her puffy chair. She had the strange appearance of someone trying to look older rather than younger: hair dyed silver, wearing antique glasses, and bent over like she had a bad back. But Rindo had seen her sit straight in her more relaxed moments. He wondered if her previous partner had been an older adult.
Her office was mostly colored in soft pastels, with a variety of chairs and sofas to choose from. Books and tiny turtle figurines lined her shelves. Fresh tea awaited in the goofy dinosaur cups on the table, though Rindo had yet to take a sip.
There was a massage table in the corner of the room, for the people who wanted their wings treated as they confessed their woes and trauma. Apparently it made it easier for some people to open up and process their emotions during the therapy session. But Rindo's wings had always stayed firmly lodged in his back whenever he had gone onto the table. Fair enough, poor Fret probably didn't want any more wing massages ever.
She listened to his sad ramblings with a kind smile that she likely wore for every single person who entered her office. But that was fine. That was literally part of her job. No point in being angry about it.
And it did help, just to talk. The fact that she was essentially a stranger to him, one who was paid to keep secrets, made it easier. Which meant that he could finally talk to someone about Fret. Or, more accurately, what Fret was like in his dreams.
"And he…he turns into a half-Noise and uh, eats me," said Rindo, as he stroked Lala the little white ClassiCat curled up on his lap. Her melodic purrs and soft fur helped to calm him. "And I don't know why it keeps happening? He's not mad at me, because he keeps apologizing and telling me he loves me, it's just that he's really hungry. It's…It's almost like he's still singing? Even though the singing's done?"
"Thank you for sharing," said Ms. Kamemoto. "You aren't alone in this experience. May I share what others have told me?"
Rindo shrugged. "Sure." She asked it a lot, like he'd ever say no.
"Thank you. Many remember their partners how they were the last time they were physically together. The form you're seeing Fret in is the last form you saw him in, wasn't it? So that's the form that's freshest in both your minds. What do you think about that?" She paused, like a teacher waiting for their student to say something.
"Uh, I guess that makes sense."
"May I share something else that may contribute to how you see Fret?"
"Sure. What?"
"Look down at Lala, will you?" Ms. Kamemoto suddenly took on an almost parental tone.
"Huh?" Rindo gazed down at the little kitty Noise in his lap, her paws contently kneading the air. "Yeah?"
"She's a precious little Noise, isn't she? What parts of her are made of tattoos?"
Rindo wasn't sure where this was going, but he played along. "Um, her tail, her ears, her stripes, and…oh yeah, her legs."
"That's right," Ms. Kamemoto said, even more like a schoolteacher with how she was looking at him over the tops of her tortoiseshell spectacles. "Now, what would happen if you took all those tattoos away? What would be left of her?"
"She'd…She wouldn't have a tail. Or legs! She'd…she'd just be a head and torso, and that's it!" What a horrible existence that would be…
Ms. Kamemoto gave another, more somber nod of the head. "By nature, Noise are incomplete. Without their tattoos, Wolf Noise don't have tails or front legs. Raven Noise don't have heads, do they?"
Oh. Rindo had never really thought about it before, but she was right. "But, what does that have to do with Fret showing up as a half-Noise? And yeah, yeah, you may tell me and all that."
She smiled gently. "What I'm about to say isn't the only answet, simply one possibility. Some say that Noise are complete as they are. Others say that, because Noise are trying to complete themselves with others' Souls, they suffer from endless hunger," she explained. "The Noise can't complete themselves. The Noise don't understand this. Once they've taken in enough Soul, they make a copy of their incomplete self. The copies try to complete themselves too, so they eat Soul and make more incomplete copies. Without something to stop the cycle, like what you're doing right now with thinking through your feelings, the copies repeat the same mistakes." Her professional tone slipped a little. "I feel sorry for them, in a way. But what do you think?"
"Wow, that's…that is really sad, actually," said Rindo. "Wait, so if Fret's turning into a half-Noise, then he's trying to…complete himself using my Soul?"
"Do you think that that may be what's going on?" asked Mr. Kamemoto.
He took a deep breath. Always turning it back on him and never giving him straight answers. "I don't wanna think of Fret as...incomplete."
Ms. Kamemoto didn't immediately say anything. He knew that in a few minutes she'd say something like, "Then we don't have to," and move on to something else, but she had so much more practice just sitting silently while he squirmed under her words.
"Okay, but maybe that's part of it," Rindo said at last. "Maybe he is incomplete. But you said I wasn't alone, right?"
"You're not alone," Ms. Kamemoto repeated. "Others like you have told me similar stories about their partners being part-Noise or becoming part-Noise in their shared dreams."
He swallowed and nodded. "Okay. But. Inner Noise and, uh, regular Noise aren't the same thing, are they?"
"You're asking all the right questions. Yes, Inner Noise and outer Noise aren't the same. Instead of cloning itself, Inner Noise becomes a stronger version of itself. But, may I share something from my own personal experience singing?"
"Yeah. That's why I'm here." Oops, Rindo hoped he didn't sound too sarcastic,
"You're here for yourself," she corrected. Rindo squeezed his eyes shut to avoid rolling them. "But thank you for the invitation. To me, the endless hunger we suffer from is similar. It's an endless incompleteness, and an endless need to become whole."
"That sucks and all, but how could he feel incomplete if we're sharing the same Soul now?" asked Rindo. "If I'm letting Fret take all the Soul he wants?" Because realistically giving Fret extra Soul shouldn't have been making a difference at all, since they were one person now.
So why did it feel like it was making a difference? Why was Fret still so needy for Soul, when he should have all the Rindo Soul he ever needed, always? Why did he still seem scared of Rindo leaving? Why was he still so…lonely?
Ms. Kamemoto hunched forward, in the way she did when she was about to drop some especially brain-twisting thought. "When we don't understand what's happening, we get scared. When we're scared, we try to find safety."
"Okay..."
"Both you and Fret went through great upheavals in your lives. You kept your memories. Fret kept very few of his. It may only be clear to him that things are different, and he is different. He may feel like he's incomplete and needs you, his partner, to be whole. Through you, so that he can feel safe, he tries to be whole."
"So it's almost like he's eating me because he's…panicking? He's stress eating?" asked Rindo. Maybe Fret was scared because he couldn't remember anything beyond his instincts or emotions or something? So he clung to Rindo because he was the one thing Fret had maybe kinda-sorta memories of?
It would've been funny in any other context. Fret would've slapped himself on the forehead for letting himself stress-eat. No way would perpetually-skinny Fret ever stoop to such lows.
Well, if Rindo had been the one sung, and he only knew about Fret being a good thing that made him safe and happy and nothing else, Rindo would probably be an even more anxious wreck than he already was. Because then Fret would be…the whole world to him, even more than he already was.
Rindo had become the whole world to Fret…Even more than Rindo could possibly understand…
"So what am I supposed to do?" asked Rindo.
"What do you think would have helped him before you two sang?" Ms. Kamemoto prompted.
"Uh...He always liked to be hugged and cuddled, but um…That's kinda hard to do now for obvious reasons. Maybe telling him I loved him and stuff? Well, I guess, uh, talking to him in general helped calm him down? Like, making him feel...safe?"
Her smile warmed. "I think that trying to make him feel safe is a wonderful idea. May I make a suggestion?"
He gritted his teeth to avoid snapping that, duh, he'd freaking made these sessions for her suggestions. "Yeah. Uh, please."
"Others have shared with me that meditation on their partner helps. For example, meditation that focuses on Fret."
"Meditation, huh?"
"That's right. Make time in your day to simply close your eyes, ground yourself in the moment, and relax, while thinking about Fret. Assure him everything is alright. Remind him you're now one Soul, and you will always be there for him. Reassure him Fret is as complete as he could ever be, and nothing will change that."
"But what if Fret freaks out and starts attacking me anyway? What do I do then?"
"Even if he becomes part-Noise, keep assuring him. The dreams are terrifying, and that isn't easy to deal with. But you can remind yourself that he can't injure you. And, as I heard you say earlier, he's not mad at you, is he? He simply needs time to adjust and heal, like you do."
"Time to heal, huh?" said Rindo. "Yeah, I guess we're both scared and confused right now, aren't we?"
Ms. Kamemoto nodded. "And fear and confusion are natural. You're not alone. Neither is Fret. Like any period of transition, singing can be scary, and it came for you much sooner than most. The inevitable isn't something to feel guilty for."
The inevitable, huh? Had it really been inevitable though?
…Well, maybe some of it had been. There had been no way of knowing that investigating a long line for an EleStra pin would have caused Nagi the Edgelord herself to ambush his mind and slash his Soul. And once she had wounded him so deeply, he had had to sing.
Whether that singing would end with Rindo absorbing Fret, or the Raven absorbing Rindo, or the Taboo twisting the Raven in a cage of chronic pain, or the seal trapping the Raven and his true feelings in a cage of chronic ice, that Rindo had had a choice in. But none of those had really been great choices, were they? There had been no option where Rindo could simply be Rindo, had there?
Well, maybe if he had let Nagi the Edgelord go into his mind again, on that very first loop…But had even that been a guarantee? What if she had just made it all worse, like she'd done the first time? Minamimoto had been sure it would fix things, of course, but Minamimoto hadn't known that Nagi the Edgelord had been the cause in the first place. How could he? Even she wouldn't have known that, because that had happened in another loop.
"What I've heard you say about your own time singing, and correct me if I say something that sounds off to you," said Ms. Kamemoto, taking a sip of tea. "is that, after a certain point, your thoughts were filled with love for Fret, wanting to be with Fret, and wanting to consume Fret. The thoughts pouring into you became impossible to fight after a while, didn't they?"
"Yeah…Because I…I felt like having him in my Soul was the best way to protect him from everything? To make sure I would never lose him, that nothing would ever hurt him, to…to make sure that he would be my Fret forever. Because whenever Fret wasn't with me, or even if he was just a little ways away, I would feel so…small? Weak?"
"And how do you think Fret may have felt during the singing, if he's shared it with you?"
Rindo smiled just a little at the memory. "He…was really happy. He even said it was the best thing that ever happened to him. Because he could just…love me, with no strings attached." He chuckled. "He was even more clingy than I was. He'd get all anxious and whiny whenever we weren't physically touching. Or weren't, uh, doing Soul twisters and mixing our Souls together." Rindo's smile faded. "But then we both kept getting hungrier and hungrier for each others' Souls, until…"
Fret, wings out, yellow tattoos bleeding out of his skin, on top of Rindo. Staring down with glowing blue eyes alight with absolute adoration. Arms hugging. Wings hugging. Tail wagging. Maybe this wouldn't be so…The smiling dog maw taking over Fret's face. The loving embrace slowly crushing the breath out of Rindo. That idolizing gaze never changing.
"So, when it comes to things that are outside of your control," Ms. Kamemoto said in a soft, kind tone that snapped Rindo from his trip down a macabre memory lane, "you've done nothing wrong. Fret's done nothing wrong. It sounds like you two had a wonderful time together before the final battle. An ideal time, even. That's something worth remembering, isn't it?"
"Y-Yeah…" Rindo was sure he would always remember it whether he wanted to or not.
"Thank you for sharing all of that with me. What else would you like to talk about, as our session draws to a close?"
"Oh! Uh…" No, Rindo wasn't ready to talk about that yet. He wasn't sure if he ever would be, either. That final battle with Fret was… "I think I should be good for now!" Rindo shouldn't hog too much more time when so many people were waiting outside for their own appointment. "Just, uh, tell me more about how to do the mediation thing…"
IIIIII
Funnily enough, even though Noise forms were most famous for battle prowess, their most common and practical uses were for mundane tasks. Rebuilding infrastructure, carrying heavy loads, that kind of thing. Rindo himself, having a large winged Noise form, was mainly assigned to ferrying people and cargo from place to place. Sure, he'd wanted to take to the skies more, but this hadn't quite been what he'd had in mind.
Long flights inevitably led to boredom for both Rindo and his passengers. Which in turn led to aimless conversations. His most common passengers were Reapers of similar rank, including some of the other freshly-sung Reapers.
The name of that Red Spider Lily Reaper was actually Haruka Higanbana. Apparently that was a new name they had chosen for themself the first time they'd sung. It was something many Reapers did, they said—picking a new name after singing, including kanji or radicals that honored their Noise form.
Some Reapers, whether proud or just uninterested in wordplay, stuck the Noise form's name right in their name, like Ms. Kame-moto or Aya-no. Others broke up the kanji into radicals and hid them around their names, or added a poetic reference instead of a direct one, like Hishima Sakazuki. The Inner Noise was an integral part of any Reaper, after all, whether they wished it to be or not.
Haruka by far the most serene of the newly evolved Reapers, except for a few sudden temper flares that were becoming less common as time went on. But Rindo supposed that made sense, because they had sung before. This wasn't their first time dealing with this kind of awkward new state. For whatever reason, whenever Rindo felt his optimism flagging, Haruka would start talking about their old partner. They rarely answered Rindo's questions about their own personal life. Their peaceful emphasis that their partner no longer existed just made Rindo politely stay silent whenever the topic popped up and eventually stop asking personal questions entirely.
Yet their calm insistence that Rindo would feel better, eventually, were surprisingly reassuring. Kinda like how Shiba had said that all Rindo would have to do was wait out the tough transitional period before he would blaze forth as a new person or whatever.
A new person…
That girl who was part of the first Reaper singing pair Rindo and Fret had talked to was actually called Himawari Otokita, at least for now. The first time Rindo had seen her name written, he'd squinted trying to figure out the Noise hidden somewhere. She'd laughed: Himawari was the name her parents had given her. Like Rindo. And, like Rindo, she hadn't chosen a new name, yet.
Himawari was honestly more cheerful than Rindo expected, now that she had gotten a little more time to process what happened. Then again, her partner Kikuo Anabuki was very active, straight up taking over and joining the conversation sometimes. If only Fret would do the same, like he must have wanted to, so they could have had a chaotic four-way chat going on. As of right now, all Rindo had was envy. Though he did appreciate both Himawari and Kikuo addressing Fret directly, trying to include him in the conversation even if he couldn't answer.
Much like Fret himself had done when he first invited Rindo to his table of friends…All those eons and eons ago…Before the singing, before the UG even, back when they were nothing but oblivious humans.
Fedora girl was actually named Zuiho Jashiki, and she had no intention of changing her name whatsoever. Rindo didn't get the reference in her admittedly weird name. Apparently her parents had been military otaku, and that was where her name had come from: from some old battleship. She found her full name a bit embarrassing because of that. She didn't care about military history in the slightest and even cringed at her parents' nationalism, but she didn't feel right renaming herself. It would be like endorsing the fact that she'd become someone else, she'd explained, and she still felt like the same person as before. Besides, her nickname, Jazz, wouldn't have made sense anymore if she had changed her whole name anyway. And she preferred to be called Jazz, so that was what Rindo called her too.
It made him smile, reminding him of Fret, who found his actual name "Tosai" to be too geezer-like for his tastes. But Fret still mentioned his actual name first when introducing himself to someone new, even if he always followed it with, "But you can call me Fret," and never mentioned his actual name again.
So Rindo supposed that Fret still considered that name a part of him, even if he preferred his self-imposed nickname. Fret and Jazz were similar in that sense.
Even if Jazz didn't feel like a new person, whenever the topic of singing was brought up and she had a chance to talk about her partner and former girlfriend Asagao Kawasumi, Jazz often sounded like she was on the verge of tears. Sometimes she even did start crying, saying how she missed her partner, and how she herself had only won because of a fluke.
Rindo understood that feeling all too well. Fret had had so many chances to just win, but he had wasted them on making the connection between them last just a little bit longer…Maybe he had never intended on winning at all. But somehow, that only made Rindo's heart hurt worse.
Even if Jazz and Rindo didn't entirely see eye-to-eye on what had happened with their partner, they could spend their flights reminiscing about their physical time together with said partners, and on how much their lives lacked without that material presence by their side.
Except, if Rindo was mourning Fret, when Fret was still right there, would that...
Those three, and Shoka, were the most common ones that he talked to on these flights. But sometimes he talked with some of the higher-ranked Shinjuku Reapers too, or at least listened to their conversations with each other. How Susukichi was still reeling from Shiba's execution and Tsugumi's betrayal. How Ayano's voice wavered only slightly as she talked about Shiba's accomplishments. How Hishima harbored a deep conflict, having desired redemption for his old ex-friend rather than erasure. How Kaie had appreciated Shiba's theatrical approach to Game missions and let Kaie leverage the RNS to its fullest extent—and how Kaie hoped the new Shinjuku hierarchy would let him keep that creativity.
Kaie, of course, could not text Rindo while he was in Noise form, but Rindo often heard sighs and sad hums of contemplation. Rindo posed questions, and Kaie left Rindo walls of text to read through after the flights.
Since Susukichi and Ayano treated Shiba as the best boss they'd ever had, Rindo figured Hishima would've thought the same. But, when Rindo asked, Hishima mused that Shiba's actions had likely contributed to Shinjuku's downfall, and Shiba had led witch hunts against the Shibuya Reapers, too. Separating the dear friend from the self-serving leader wasn't easy, but perhaps Shiba's removal from leadership—though at a terrible personal cost—would ultimately benefit both Shinjuku and Shibuya.
Shiba…Even though so many people had complained about his rule before, now there was growing admiration for him. His shocking erasure, and how he'd exclaimed that the interlopers wouldn't snuff them out, had made him something of a martyr among many of the remaining Shinjuku Reapers. They praised how he had led them away from this ruined city just long enough for the Plague Noise to die out and the area to become somewhat livable again. Maybe that was even why he had held such a ridiculously long Game, to keep everyone safe until they could rightfully return home.
Some of the other Reapers confided that their response was one of 'good riddance'. But they didn't speak up as much.
Erasure made people focus more on the good and not on the bad, Rindo supposed. Just like regular death did. Even if they hadn't celebrated the same person while they were still alive. Or, uh, unalive. That didn't apply to everyone, though.
Funny how so many people mourned Shiba, and yet how so few people mentioned Kubo at all, even though he had died at the same time, and in the same way. Only a couple of Noise-focused Reapers seemed to care, rallying around the former Noise Master. Overshadowed even in death, huh?
There was a lot for everyone to think about and process, and these long, quiet flights seemed like a good time for a lot of people to do it. So Rindo would gladly carry them through it, as they headed to their next destination.
IIIIII
Funnily enough, Shibuya didn't completely burn down to the ground like everyone had expected. Things were definitely…unorthodox under Minamimoto's rule, from what little Rindo had heard. Though the info they had was pretty limited. Mostly it was from former Shibuya Reapers who had fled, or had been kicked out for trying to fight against the 'zetta aesthetics' of the new Composer, which made at least some of it suspicious.
Or sus, as Fret would helpfully add.
Minamimoto had apparently managed to exile Shibuya's Composer with a special sigil or seal or something, which was a big deal because Composers were basically the gods of their districts. Composers were such a big deal, in fact, that Rindo hadn't even met Shinjuku's Composer yet, and probably never would. But evidently the Shinjuku Composer was probably still around somewhere, according to Hishima anyway.
With the Shinjuku Reapers ousted, the two-year Game they'd been running had finally come to an end. Already a string of new Shibuya-style Games had begun. Rindo had no idea what a Shibuya-style Game was like, but with Minamimoto at the top, it probably involved a hundred times more math now.
Also the new Conductor was someone named Uzuki? Huh, not the Coco girl or Nagi the Edgelord?
Oh, apparently Coco had some kind of new role called the Orchestrator? Meanwhile Nagi the Edgelord was occasionally Nagi the Game Master. Rindo was shook, trying to imagine what brutalities someone who called herself an edgelord would inflict on the poor Players. How terrifying. The fleeing Reapers said she'd proclaimed that she had found her true calling as a warrior of justice for Lord Tomonami, whatever that meant. Was Lord Tomonami Minamimoto's real name or something? Maybe, like many Reapers, he was older than he looked.
But it seemed the Game Masters had a certain rotation in Shibuya, and right now the cycle was Nagi the Edgelord, some guy named Neku, and none other than Kanon. Huh. So she had chosen to be a Reaper instead of returning to the RG? That seemed about right. She'd been the one to snag that points-pin right from under his nose, in part because Fret had literally given it to her. He loved Fret, but man Fret could be stupid sometimes, especially around Kanon. Anyway, it figured that she would've picked being a Reaper.
…Huh? Kanon wasn't a Reaper now? Wait, there weren't any Reapers now, besides maybe that Coco girl? Everyone else had been stripped of their wings? Because Minamimoto wanted to put a stop to all 4-2-1 in his Shibuya?
…Wow, so when Coco said that she'd rip the wings out of any Shinjuku stragglers, she had meant it literally, huh? Yeah, she'd never said that she'd stop at just the Shinjuku Reapers, had she? Galaxy brain activated. Fret would be proud of him.
Rindo's wings shuddered in his back. As much as Rindo loathed his own Inner Noise, would taking away the wings actually stop the 4-2-1? Someone couldn't remove an Inner Noise entirely, or the Soul would just fall apart. And from his own personal experience, trying to trap his Inner Noise within himself only made him feel worse.
But did Minamimoto understand that? Or did Minamimoto really hate singing that much? Then again, maybe was this just a way to further cement his new rule and prevent rebellion? How tyrannical.
Then again, the Shibuya Reapers sounded like they were fine after getting their wings yanked out. That Uzuki woman had even gotten a promotion. So maybe...?
Either way, Rindo had heard that quite a few members of the previous teams had chosen to stay in the UG instead of being reborn, Maybe because they had changed too much during the Game to ever feel comfortable in the RG?
Rindo…could understand that. Even if he had a chance to go back to the RG, Rindo doubted he ever would. What was that metaphor about the cave and realizing the whole world being shadows called? He couldn't remember right now.
And besides, Rindo would inevitably end up in the UG again whenever he died again, right? So what was even the point in leaving?
Maybe Kanon had realized that too. She seemed like the type to think about stuff like that. Especially if she had been stuck in the Game for up to two years.
Anyway, points-pin theft aside, Rindo hoped Kanon was happy. He almost wanted to see her at least one more time, so Fret could see her one more time. Fret had always been fond of her.
Would seeing Kanon again make Fret perk up? But then again, that thought revved up the magma-plume of jealousy in Rindo's chest. His Fret, even now. Especially now.
Though if Rindo had met with Kanon, she would only see Fret-and-Rindo's new body. What would she think, if he told her about what happened? She didn't really know what singing was, right? And if Minamimoto's no-Reaper rule lasted, maybe she never would.
Maybe that was for the best. So perhaps it was better if Rindo never saw her at all.
Meanwhile, Kaie still couldn't look for Fret or Rindo's missing data, because his own Shibuya RNS had been hacked and taken over, locking him out. Nagi the Edgelord's doing, perhaps? She looked nerdy enough to be a hacker type, maybe. Not that Kaie had much time to mess around with it anyway, when he was busy making a brand-new RNS network for Shinjuku.
Either way, it didn't look like they were going to find Fret's missing data anytime soon, if ever. Which still left most of Fret's past an enigma to Rindo.
…Was Fret happy, being like this now? Rindo wished that Fret would talk when Rindo was awake.
IIIIII
Though Rindo mostly saw his fellow newly-evolved Reapers during his flights, he started spending time with them more outside of work too. After all, weren't adults kinda obligated to hang out with their coworkers after hours or something?
Except newly sung Reapers usually got paired together due to similar power-levels, at least until they settled out into stable identities. Turned out that there were way more first-time singers than Rindo had anticipated, which made sense since many would've sung and left Akinosuke Hotel long before Fret and Rindo had gotten there. Those big parties made Rindo edge away. Sorry, Fret, but crowds and Rindo had never mixed much. Maybe later, but not now.
It wasn't that Rindo never tried. When his daily assignments paired him with fresh singers he hadn't met before, he treated them politely. He'd just never been too chatty, and not even Fret rattling his ribcage from inside could force him to socialize.
But talking to the other Reapers he'd met during his stay at the hotel was different. They'd been through something together. They had seen each other's joy and pain firsthand.
Just, how was he supposed to ask to hang out with them after work? Wouldn't that have felt awkward, like a date or something? He wasn't looking for a new singing partner. Not now or ever.
At least he had Shoka. His friendship with Swallow was simple and clean.
So when he mentioned to Shoka that social butterfly Fret wanted and needed more friends, Shoka rolled her eyes. "Just invite a few people you know in a group and tell them it's a group, dummy. Don't overthink it."
"I guess..."
"Ooor I can do it for you, and you can tag along." She crossed her arms over her chest, almost puffing up in pride. Swallow had always liked helping him. "Who do you want in?"
Well, if Shoka were doing it, Rindo might as well have tagged along and listened to them blabber about whatever.
To his surprise, everyone Shoka invited actually agreed to hang out with her and Rindo. Even Haruka, who was in a league above the other freshly sung Reapers, showed up.
Shoka and Fret would've loved each other, fashionable chatters that they were. Or maybe they'd torn each other apart instead.
Today they were strolling through Gyo-en National Garden. Rindo had spent time in Miyashita with Fret a few times, but he'd never seen so much green in such a huge expanse, and right in the middle of the city. It felt like someone had taken a chunk of countryside from a watercolor painting and slapped it down, putting the 'jungle' in 'concrete jungle.' Well, not jungle. It rolled on in peaceful hills, beautifully arranged flowers, and carefully tended trees. Plus, since the RG was still quiet, they had the whole park to themselves. It was a wonder all this had survived the Inversion. Maybe the disconnect with the rest of the RG had preserved it somehow?
They paused at a gazebo, which Himawari was geeking out over. Apparently, some film she loved had taken place here. Huh, Rindo hadn't thought of her as liking anime, but he recognized the name of her favorite director, at least.
"Ya haven't seen any of Shinkai's movies, girls?" asked Himawari in disbelief. "Really?"
"Nah, I ain't into that mushy star-crossed lovers crap," said Shoka. "If they had more blood and explosions then maybe I'd reconsider."
Jazz laughed at that. "Yeah then they got together; they blew up the world and each other. The end!"
Himawari pouted. "Well lemme tell ya, ya two are the forever alone type. What about you, Riririn?"
"Oh, um, no, haven't seen them," Rindo quickly mumbled. "Sorry."
Granted, there still weren't that many fully-functional places for them to go to yet. No sky-scraping TMGs with their fancy observation decks, or nightlit market alleys like Golden Gai, or even restaurants other than the couple run by his coworkers. So they spent a lot of their time just wandering the ruins of Shinjuku, talking about whatever came to mind. Though Rindo didn't contribute much chatter, especially when the topic turned to a sad nostalgia about the Shinjuku that no longer was. He couldn't mourn for a city he never knew, at least not to the same extent.
Himawari wheeled around. "Well what about you, fella?"
"I saw such cinema in my previous lives," said Haruka, seeming almost proud of themself.
"Legendary! What's your favorite, Harururu?" asked Himawari.
"Ah…There are so many. It becomes harder to choose the more my pasts have seen…Sadly my id cannot possibly pick a favorite…"
Though the more Rindo heard about Shinjuku, the more he wished he could have seen it in its prime. Well, that was an overly negative way to look at it. They would rebuild Shinjuku to be even better than before, in Shiba's honor. But it wasn't gonna be the same city, even if it shared the same architecture. Not in spirit anyway. Rindo would never experience the original vibe of the city himself. He could only hope that he would fit into the new version of the city instead.
Jazz twirled her fedora around with her finger. "Yeah yeah. C'mon now. You haven't seen a single Shinkai movie; you're just feigning it so you seem cool. I know what you really are, i.e. Mr. Chuuni."
Haruka actually frowned a little. "Perhaps because the more memories I have to sift through, the longer it takes. I have a lengthier journey through the spirit's eye than you do."
"So you're a boomer," said Shoka.
But Rindo was at least tolerated here. That was a start, right? These coworkers he hung out with didn't seem to mind his quiet presence too much. Shoka and Ayano appreciated him too. Just as Rindo appreciated Shoka always walking a little slower to make sure Rindo wasn't by himself at the tail end of the group. Rindo still easily got lost in this unfamiliar city, for one. At least when he was on foot instead of in flight.
"Oh? Interesting. By your definition, yes, I am a 'boomer'. I have been around far longer than the rest of you. Now, respect your elders."
"Yeah right," said Jazz. "How can I respect an elder with middle-school syndrome?"
"You tell 'em, sis," said Shoka.
And it was…nice, in a way. That Rindo could just be here without doing much. Even just listening to others talk could be comforting sometimes.
"If you ask me, we need a Shinkai movie night." The sudden calmer shift in tone in Himawari's voice…Yeah that must be Kikuo instead. "Seriously, watch them first. Make fun after. Pro-tip: people usually fall in love."
"You know what, fair," said Shoka, before smirking. "But we will make fun of them and make you question your life choices."
"I mean, if ya help us think about those movies from a whole new kaleidoscope, that'll just make them even better!" That sounded like Himawari again, maybe. "Turns out there's even more reasons to rewatch the best movies ever! By the way, Riririn, how's that mediation thingy going for ya?"
Oh, Himawari was talking to Rindo. "Oh! Uh, okay I guess? I can sorta sense Fret sometimes, I think? I still have trouble getting super into it though. Like, I try to relax, but my thoughts keep going a million miles an hour and sometimes I end up more stressed than I started? Because I end up thinking about things that I don't want to?"
What was that look Jazz was giving him? Disapproval? For what, having bad thoughts? He didn't want them either!
"Why don't you try listening to music during your mediations?" asked Haruka. "After all, such melodies close the window to reality and open the door to the heart."
Jazz smirked. "Yeah okay. Back on the chuuni bullshit train again, woo-woo."
"Ah, it is called being poetic."
"Uh, I haven't tried music yet, actually," Rindo admitted. "Though I mostly have, like, emo rock and stuff, so I don't know how much that would help? What kind of music works best?"
"Don't worry, I'm sure anything that helps you take your mind off the present and reveal your inner self will suffice," said Haruka. "If emo rock does that for you, then that should serve you well. Though if you wish to try something different…Perhaps we could detour to the marketplace. To browse the musical selection there."
"I'm down for a music romp," said Jazz. "Yo, we won't even have to pay for anything; no one's restituted the store yet."
"Same, Jazuzuzu! Yahoo, sounds like a bargain to us!" said Himawari. "Boys 'n'girls 'n' Harururu, let's go!"
"O-Okay!" Yeah, Rindo could use some fresh music.
Well, maybe 'fresh' wasn't quite the right word. All the CDs there were at least a few years old. Which made perfect sense, since Shinjuku had suffered its apocalypse three years ago. There hadn't been anyone around to make or import new music. But that didn't stop the group from finding all kinds of songs to listen to.
Jazz, true to her name, tracked down all kinds of jazzy and bluesy CDs. Haruka made a show of claiming some classical music CDs, but Rindo also spied some neoclassical and even some trap remix CDs stuffed into their coat pockets. Himawari snatched up some surfer rock and eurodance songs, then some discs labeled stuff like 'G.Q.O.M.' and 'kwaito' that she said Kikuo had wanted. Shoka laughed at some rap songs before taking the CDs anyway.
And Rindo…found himself drawn to very different music than he was used to. Tracks that were much lighter, much calmer, much more soothing. Was it because of the trauma of hearing so much emo rock in the stores of Shibuya while playing the Game? Was it because of Fret, who seemed to like the more cheerful tracks? Was it just because Rindo just needed new music after listening to mostly the same things for years?
Either way, Rindo walked with a whole duffle bag full of new CDs, after spending way more time listening to stuff than anyone else. But the others didn't seem to mind Rindo's painfully slow pace, which was good. They just chatted about whatever while Rindo scoured the store.
And for the first time in a while, Rindo felt…relaxed. Like maybe this was home after all. Like maybe this had always been his home. Like maybe this was a home where he could finally be…himself?
…What was Rindo talking about? It wasn't like he was unhappy in Shibuya. He had caring parents who never forced anything on him. He had a good school life with good grades. He had Fret. Sure Rindo was easily anxious and irritable, but that wasn't because of anyone treating him badly. He had just always been like that. So why would he think…
Earth to Rindo. Stop being a space cadet for once.
Maybe Fret was right, and Rindo thought too much.
Well, enough thinking for now. He had plenty of time for that later. Right now, he just wanted to enjoy his time with his friends.
IIIIII
For as long as Rindo had known him, Fret had shone under the spotlight. All those friend hang-outs would give Fret something to bask in, right? But it didn't feel the same with Fret locked away inside Rindo, watching through bars of Rindo's ribcage as Rindo spent time with other people. The jealousy and guilt surging up from inside—Rindo really had to do something for Fret, specifically. Just trying to do things that Fret would've liked wasn't enough.
Okay, so, Ms. Kamemoto had recommended meditation, huh? With a note from the therapist, Rindo got permission to take some quiet breaks during his shifts, putting on some of his new calming music to shut out the rest of the world for a bit. He probably needed the extra breaks anyway, since he was still so tired all the time. If he fell asleep during those, and Fret…
…No, Rindo shouldn't be frightened of Fret. Fret was more frightened than him. Probably. If only Fret could just tell him what he really needed.
Only now, it seemed like Fret was barely able to communicate at all, even in dreams. Only a few snatches of words here and there, mostly consisting of 'I love you' and 'I miss you' and 'I'm hungry', those phrases running together more and more until Fret fully transformed and feasted upon Rindo once again. Because he had to, he just had to—
But sometimes, Fret tried to hold back. Putting on a pained smile, all for his poor scared Rindo. But Rindo could see the tattoos writhing under his skin, the tiny dogheads slitting through, coiling around Fret's limbs and ceaselessly gnawing on Fret himself, until Fret finally couldn't take it anymore and—
And Rindo…Rindo had put Fret into this state, thanks to singing him. The very least Rindo could do was accommodate him. To keep him as safe and happy as he could. To check on him regularly and offer him Soul. To make sure that he wasn't starving himself for Rindo's sake. Fret had always been so thin…Was he even thinner now, in his dreams?
That's why he needed those quiet times to focus on just Fret. No other thoughts or worries allowed. They could wait, just like the rest of his real life.
Fret seemed to have trouble manifesting outside of dreams, so Rindo tried to imagine Fret's body in his mind's eye. All that time he spent staring at the old photos of Fret on his phone helped immensely with that. At the same time, Rindo tried not to influence that body or its actions with his own thoughts. Just an empty vessel, so Fret could interact with Rindo easier, if he even wanted to.
How are you doing, Fret?
Rindo then imagined his own old body in the same blank space, a form that Fret might recognize better than his current combined self. A form that Rindo could hug Fret close with. A form that Rindo could stroke Fret's hair in. Just like Fret had always enjoyed.
Do you need Soul? Don't worry, I won't be mad. I can handle it, and this is a good time.
Oftentimes Fret never answered, or was unable to answer, lying limp as a doll in Rindo's arms. Rindo would keep murmuring sweet nothings to him anyway, in case he was listening. And most of the time it seemed like he was, because the stinging in Rindo's heart would gradually fade to a warm coziness the longer Fret was held and talked to.
Never forget that I love you, Fret, more than anything.
And sometimes Fret would move. His eyes closing as he leaned against Rindo a little, or his head pressing against Rindo's petting hand a bit, or his lips murmuring so softly that Rindo could barely make it out.
Or his mouth twisting into a sudden grimace as Fret bared his teeth and bit into Rindo's shoulder, because he really was hungry.
And Rindo would rub Fret's back even as he emitted ravenous growls and whines.
It's okay, take all you need. I'm right here. I'll always be right here.
If Fret was really hungry, he would pull Rindo into a full slumber for a full feeding. That was fine. It was never pleasant, but Rindo always made sure to take these breaks when he wasn't immediately needed. Waking Rindo up while Fret was feasting on him didn't work that well: Rindo would only kinda-sorta wake up, then wander around a zoned-out state until he inevitably crashed back into sleep a little while later. Not even Shoka's attempts to wake him up with loud noises, cold splashes of water, or pinching his nose succeeded in shaking off his grogginess.
But usually, if Rindo did these scheduled prompts for affection and feeding, he would stay awake. So it seemed to be helping? At least a little? Maybe all Fret needed was more attention. He had always loved and needed attention after all. If only Rindo could do more for him, interact with him more directly…
Oh! Maybe if he…He'd have it look more into…What was it called? Lucid dreaming? Yeah, that! That was all about being able to control yourself in dreams, so if he could figure out how to do that…
And Rindo would figure it out, one way or another. Because he needed to talk to Fret.
IIIIII
Okay, maybe doing city cleaning day in and day out was getting a little boring, even for Rindo. It was probably the important thing to do, of course, which was why almost all Reapers were still assigned to the task. But it wasn't what Rindo wanted to do for the rest of his afterlife either. He'd been stuck repainting the shopping district for almost two weeks now. The expert clean-up crews, mostly headed by Reapers who had sung many times or were otherwise mighty, had come through first to scrape the translucent Plague Noise film off the buildings. Haruka had told the newly-sung gang about the unsettling shudders that radiated off the Plague Noise echoes—between dropping 'wisdom bombs' about the need to rejuvenate like a phoenix or something.
Now the freshly sung and less powerful Reapers were spreading this fancy, luminous paint-like gloop over everything. Like gasoline, it shimmered in rainbows. The paint made his skin and wings prickle with flashes of anger, happiness, fear, grief. Rindo wasn't really ready to deal with any of those emotions yet, but…
Well, this wasn't about him. It was about the city.
The goop had been one of the old projects that Shiba and the former Conductor of Shinjuku had worked on together, according to Kaie: mixed-together Soul, gathered from RG people from nearby wards and squeezed into this sticky stuff. It was like fertilizer for Noise, kickstarting a healthy Noise ecosystem even before the RG came back fully online.
And that had been cool and all when Rindo had gotten orientation on his first day, but after thirteen days of rolling shiny paint over buildings, he was itching to move on to literally anything else.
Though what would Rindo do, once Shinjuku had finally been tidied up? Hmm…
Today Rindo shared a shift with Jazz. Both she and Rindo wore the plain white outfits normally used for the artistic floor of Akinosuke Hotel, plus thick gloves and goggles to keep from getting splashed with ecstasy or rage. Well, this was close enough to an art project, Rindo supposed. Funnily enough Jazz still wore her fedora, only it was tightly wrapped in plastic to protect it from any Soul-paint. Much like how Fret had insisted on wearing that old black cap at all times, with all outfits, even during the Game itself.
"Yo. Whatcha reading?" asked Jazz, peering over Rindo's shoulder while they were on break.
Ugh, books were so awkward to have out in public. Rindo much preferred the privacy of reading or watching stuff on his phone.
But Shinjuku's internet was…Well, technically it still existed, but it'd been cut off from the rest of the internet during the inversion or whatever it was called. Which meant that only people from inside Shinjuku could post. But with all the people dissolved, only soulless AI bots had remained. After absorbing and regurgitating each other's information with no human intervention for three years straight, all online information had become unreliable garbled nonsense.
So books it was, until Kaie was finished repairing and refining the Shinjuku internet.
"Oh, um, I'm learning how to lucid dream so I can talk to Fret better," Rindo explained. "Since he only talks to me in my dreams for some reason." He chuckled. "Well, he did tell me how he would be my dreams if I would be his truth, before he…A-Anyway, I didn't realize that he meant it so literally, but I guess I should've, knowing him. He's never exactly been the subtle type." He laughed, and that tiny squeeze of warmth in his chest might have been Fret agreeing with him. Hopefully. Or maybe Fret was just getting hungry again. His sleep got more restless when he was hungry.
"Yeah huh." Jazz made what Fret would've called a thinky sound. "That's the thing where I'd control my own dreams and stuff like that, huh?"
What was with her doubtful tone? "Yeah? So?"
"Yeah so imagine if I tried lucid dreaming; I'd be making that dreamed-up Gao-Gao do and say whatever I wanted." she mused. "That's not really talking to her."
Rindo narrowed his eyes. "I'm not going to turn Fret into a puppet! I just want to make it easier to control myself in my dreams. Which means that I can actually talk to him instead of…a-and this might let me talk with future partners too! If I, uh, ever sing again." Which was a when, not if, unless he met an untimely demise. A when that hopefully wouldn't be happening anytime soon, but it didn't hurt to be extra prepared, right?
Jazz still looked skeptical. "Except you got the wrong idea. In my mind, you're not turning Fret into a puppet; you're making a puppet from scratch. C'mon now. How would you know it's Mr. For-Real Fret and not Mr. Fabricated Figment-of-Rindo's-Imagination, i.e. wish fulfillment?"
"I'd know," he growled. "Because I know Fret. Just like I know that it's Fret himself showing up in my dreams and not just my wish for Fret, because he's not perfect." After all, the perfect Fret would not need to tear Rindo apart in nearly every dream. "But he's my Fret, so I'll carry him with me until the end. No matter how tired he makes me, or how much he makes my heart hurt. Because I love him and he loves me."
She was silent at first. The way she gripped her fedora when she was nervous made Rindo think of Fret's old black cap, and that was unfair, because she wasn't allowed to have anything to do with Fret. Then she took a deep breath. "Rindo. That pain in your heart…It's not Fret. It's grief. He's not 'making you tired'; you feel more tired because you're depressed. I would know; that's one-hundred percent how I feel. Except without any delusions that Gao-Gao's still around."
Rindo glared at Jazz. "Maybe you would actually hear from her if you actually gave her a chance, instead of just assuming there's nothing left. Maybe she's mad that she's being ignored. Fret gets like that sometimes."
Jazz huffed. "Yeah so me and Gao-Gao talked about stuff like that before the singing thing went down. She's Ms. Sang-a-Bajillion-Times-Before, if you didn't know. She told me that 'I can still sense my partner thing' isn't an everyday cope; it's an unhealthy cope. She saw people fall apart thanks to that cope. Their personalities warped; they told themselves there had to be someone inside their heads, instead of letting themselves heal and move on with their lives."
He scowled at her. "I dunno, plenty of other people believe in their sung partners, and they seem just fine to me. Or are you gonna walk up to Ayano and tell her she's crazy?"
"Yeah yeah, some people keep living with these unhealthy copes, like Ms. Ayano." She snorted. "She is crazy; she's the type of crazy who can still get on with their life. Except Gao-Gao saw others who couldn't take it. They got screwed up; they got obsessed with something the old partners used to like, some sport or hobby or stuff like that etc. Then they got more and more isolated thanks to not wanting to do anything but sit in their own minds."
Rindo quietly seethed. Look at this girl, acting like self-reflection was a bad thing. It wasn't always fun, in fact a lot of the time it wasn't, but it was important to think about the past and his partner. So he wouldn't forget about either of those things.
Jazz turned away from Rindo and slathered some more paint on the wall. Their break wasn't even done yet."Except singing's supposed to be about moving forward, i.e. the Soul growing and becoming stronger. That's what me and Gao-Gao promised each other. Imagine if I clung to Gao-Gao and my old self. How would I be supposed to grow? How would anyone?"
"You're one to talk. You haven't even changed your name," grumbled Rindo.
"Yeah okay. Neither have you."
"Well, yeah, but that's only because I still don't know what to call myself yet." Admittedly, he kept putting it off too, but he would have to change it eventually, right? Rindo Kanade sounded more wrong every day. And yet…
"Maybe I'll change my name one day; who knows," said Jazz. "But I'm not gonna change it thanks to 'someone else' being with me, or to honor my Noise form or stuff like that. In my mind, I'm gonna change it if and when I feel like I myself have changed enough. Or whenever I get sick of my old name, etc. Eternity's a long time after all."
Eternity…Immortality being an actual, almost casual thing was still such a surreal thing to consider. Funny how all anyone had to do to be immortal was die, survive the Game, and then become a Reaper. To think that, if Rindo was good enough, he could basically last until the end of time. How likely that he would last that long was more questionable, but that possibility was there.
Now, if Rindo could just keep them both himself and Fret safe enough, then they could watch the literal end of the universe together. Wouldn't that be a sight?
"Yo Mr. Blank Stare," said Jazz. "Not a single word's getting through huh?"
"Sure," said Rindo, even though he had no idea if he had missed anything she said or not. "I just disagree with you on, well, pretty much absolutely everything. But that isn't anything new, is it?"
She snorted again in either amusement or disgust, maybe both. "I don't know why I bother talking to you; you never listen."
"Yeah, well, I don't remember asking you," Rindo growled. "So honestly, I don't know why I bother talking to you either when you keep pissing me off for literally no reason."
"Yeah well I'm not perfect either." Jazz rubbed the hem of her fedora again. Her thumb smudged paint on the brim. "Like I keep saying Gao-Gao was supposed to win. Except her wings got stuck in the mattress. But c'mon now: she would've eaten me otherwise."
"Yeah, maybe you should've gotten eaten," Rindo snapped. "Then I wouldn't have to listen to your cope. Just because you don't hear your partner doesn't mean you get to ruin it for the rest of us."
A slight pause. "Except she didn't. Thanks to that I want to carry on her legacy because she's gone and because I want to. She wanted to help people not turn into moping and coping zombies trying to chase after people who are already gone." All the edge melted off her voice, leaving behind a serious, quiet tone. "You're only gonna make yourself more miserable if you keep obsessing over Fret. I don't have to think Asagao's alive to care about her, Rindo; I can remember her and celebrate her life while knowing she passed on."
A cold silence settled between them.
Eventually Jazz broke the hush. "Yeah yeah. You keep getting lost chasing the dead and gone; I'm gonna keep moving forward, to honor both myself and the memory of my partner. Ciao."
Rindo watched her go without a word. Did he…No, this was for the best. If they couldn't agree on this very basic idea of the sung, then most of their conversations would only turn sour like this. There were other Reapers to spend eternity with.
And Fret. Always Fret.
IIIIII
A long day. Productive, but long. There was still so much to do, all the time…Would this city cleanup ever get finished?
But that was a problem for tomorrow. Right now, he just wanted to rest, and see how Fret was doing.
Maybe Rindo could get the lucid dreaming stuff to work this time? He'd been keeping rigorous notes of every single dream he'd had as soon as he'd woken up. Turned out his phone was still useful for something after all. Everything was snugly sealed behind Rindo's phone password, and his phone was next to the pillow ready for Rindo to type into once he woke up. Had to dream first, though.
Rindo fell asleep almost as soon as he hit the bed.
They wandered the streets, hand in hand, everything so covered in Noise and graffiti that they couldn't even tell what the buildings underneath originally were. Was this Shibuya? Shinjuku? Did it even matter?
But Fret was free from the Noise, at least for now, staring at Rindo with beautifully loving blue eyes.
A hiss of pain, a nervous chuckle, and a very tight squeeze to Rindo's hand. No, Fret wasn't free from the Noise after all. Already the tattoos were coating his skin, with the small snakelike dogheads constricting and biting the remaining flesh on his arms. Fret tried to smile through it, like always, a faint pale light shining in his pupils. But soon…
Sorrow, then rage. No, Rindo wouldn't let that happen! Not this time!
Fret yelped and stared down at Rindo's hand clutching his transformed wrist, before his uncertain eyes rose back to Rindo's determined face.
"Fret…Please trust me on this!" He would protect Fret and would free him from his Inner Noise once and for all!
"Rindo?" Fret's voice was half-muffled as the dog jaw formed over the lower half of his face.
Turning his hands to Noise talons with a mere thought, Rindo snatched all the gnawing canine worms and tattoos he could and ripped them off, flinging them on the ground to wither into static. They grew back, of course, but Rindo only tore them off again.
And again and again and again. He would keep tearing and tearing until all the Noise was finally gone from his Fret.
Fret whimpered in either fright or pain, though he didn't pull away either.
"It's okay Fret. I'll save you, I'll save you…"
Progress. Excruciatingly slow progress, but progress nonetheless. Now he could tear more into the tattoos themselves instead of just the dogheads growing out of them. All he had to do was rake away at them until he could finally get to the true Fret trapped within. He clawed and pulled and hissed reassurances to his trembling partner until…
Fret yowled, his whimpers escalating into rapid yelps.
Until Rindo had…torn a hole straight through one of the tattoos arms. The flesh had been fully consumed that quickly?
…Or maybe…
Rindo scratched at Fret's upper arms, which were still bare and human. But right beneath the skin's surface…tattoos, just waiting to emerge. A web of lines imprisoning him…no, holding his very muscles and body together.
Noise were incomplete creatures. Incomplete creatures that needed their tattoos to function. So it wasn't so different for someone with a half-Noise form, was it?
Fret carefully leaned against Rindo, still whining and shaking. Still timidly wagging his tail. Still trusting.
"Fret…" Rindo's voice cracked as he wrapped his arms around his poor partner, rapidly stroking Fret's hair. "Fret, I'm so sorry. I-I thought that it would help if I just pulled the tattoos away, but…"
The holes Rindo had unwittingly ripped into Fret's arm slowly sewed themselves back together with new dogheads. At least the damage didn't seem to be permanent.
But it still stung for Rindo to look at the wounds that he caused. "I'm sorry that I always seem to hurt you, Fret, no matter what I do…"
Fret's whimpers became less pained and more concerned, his wide sad eyes staring straight into Rindo's. Fret nuzzled Rindo's cheek with his muzzle and then started licking it.
"Fret…"
Fret's sharp tattoo tongue drew blood. Blood that seemed to drive him into a frenzy. He whined eagerly as he licked and nibbled at the spot frantically, which of course only drew more blood, and…
"Oh buddy, you must really need to feed after all that," murmured Rindo, rubbing Fret's back. "Go ahead. Take as much as you want. I love you."
Fret's arms closed into a crushing embrace around Rindo. The two larger dogheads surfaced from his shoulders and bit into Rindo's own, greedily gulping down blood and Soul.
Rindo leaned against him. "I love you, Fret. I love you, I love you, I love you…"
The smaller snakelike dogheads weaved around Rindo, also fervently draining him.
"Please…believe me…"
Rindo could already feel his senses failing, and Fret hadn't even gone for the heart or throat yet. A form of mercy, to simply drain him to oblivion instead of rending his body apart? Or was he just starving that much for his Soul?
Nuzzles. Licks. From everywhere. Then back to feeding.
Fret…still loved him, even in this famished, fragmented state.
Teeth tearing into Rindo. Fret had become too impatient with the drain. Needed every bit of his Rindo instantly. But despite that, he still…he still tried to comfort Rindo with the occasional lick or nuzzle…
His Fret…His irreplaceable Fret, beautiful even when half-Noise and half-mad with hunger, his…
…His cufurreal Fret.
It looks like Rindo is forming his own definition of "cufurreal", since he never learned the real definition from Fret. I wonder what other conclusions he'll derive from these dreams.
Two chapters to go! Well, maybe three, if I decide to have the epilogue as its own chapter. I kinda like the idea of 3 sets of 6 chapters giving us the funny evil beast number though. Feels appropriate for this fic haha. More importantly, the remaining chapters are pretty much done! They just need beta work, though my betas are still pretty busy with job things. Petition to let my betas have a life outside of work stuff.
Speaking of betas...
Hi, ζ here. I helped come up with the names for the various OCs—and in some cases helped to develop the OCs in the first place, or embellish details—using the patterns set out for existing TWEWY characters. My advice to Kanade, whose first boyfriend turned into a dog? "That's rough, buddy."
Haruka Higanbana (彼岸花 永), also known as the Red Spider Lily Reaper, chose their own name and selected a very straightforward and chuuni name. Clearly, kanji puns are not their strong suit. Higanbana (彼岸花) literally means 'red spider lily' or more accurately 'Higan flower'. Ohigan refers to a Buddhist holiday celebrated around each equinox, when the mortal world and spirit world come in closest contact. Japanese Buddhists celebrate by honouring their ancestors around graves. Haruka (永) is a unisex name for this nonbinary character meaning 'eternity' or 'permanence', which reflects their stance towards desiring immortality for themself and their belief that their partners are gone for good. The 'haru' in 'Haruka', when written 春, also refers to the spring—combined with their surname Higanbana, they have a reference to both the vernal and autumnal equinoxes in their name. Do you think that they wear equal amounts of Tigre PUNKS and Cony Cony in reference to the equinox, too?
Zuiho "Jazz" Jashiki (謝敷 瑞鳳 「ジャズ」) is one of the two fedora-wearing girls who sang her girlfriend. Her surname Jashiki (謝敷) marks her as Okinawan; the kanji mean 'apology' and a counter for tatami mats, a typical Japanese rendering of an Okinawan name intended to evoke subservience; you can look more into the history of how Japanese officials decided to Japan-ify Okinawan names as part of their imperialism. Having moved to Shinjuku by choice, her parents are military otaku and decided to name her after the Zuihō (瑞鳳), a light aircraft carrier named in 1940 and sunk in 1944. The aircraft carrier name means 'auspicious phoenix'. Jazz didn't want a nationalistic name like that—on top of the embarrassing nature of being named after an aircraft carrier as if she were an anime character in a Hideaki Anno-directed show—so she went with a nickname. She'll probably end up changing her name at some point just for this. The name Jazz (ジャズ) stems from the 'Ja' in 'Jashiki' and 'Zu' in 'Zuiho', much like Fret stems from the 'Fure' in 'Furesawa' and the 'To' in 'Tosai' (Fureto = Fret, like Jazu = Jazz).
For these two, Himawari Otokita (音喜多 葵) and Kikuo Anabuki (穴吹 菊男). I chose names to fit NEO Player name schemes, which include given names that relate to flowers (such as Rindo, Tosai, Nagi, Shoka, etc.) while their surnames relate to music (Kanade, Usui, etc.): Otokita (音喜多) means 'numerous rejoicing sound', referring to music, while Himawari (葵) means 'mallow'. Anabuki (穴吹) contains kanji meaning 'opening/gap' and 'blow (as in to blow air through a flute)', referring to someone playing a woodwind, while Kikuo (菊男) means 'chrysanthemum', plus a name ender signifying a male name.
Yasue Kamemoto (亀本 慰映) is the therapist. Light requested a Noise form associated with wisdom, so I selected the turtle. Accordingly, Kamemoto (亀本) is written with kanji meaning 'turtle' and 'book'/'genuine'; Yasue (慰映) likewise comes from 'consolation'/'comforting' and 'reflection'. She selected these names to fit her image as a therapist; she doesn't change her name after each singing, only when she chooses a different job, although she's had the same job for years and many singing cycles now. She believes in the importance of projecting the appropriate image for her clients.
For the name Asagao Kawasumi (川澄 槿), the request for the original names was for me to select a'serene' or 'calm'-evoking name, so Kawasumi (川澄) comes from 'river' and 'becoming tranquil', and Asagao (槿) refers to a kind of 'hibiscus', fitting the aforementioned flower name theme in NEO.
Full list:
Himawari Otokita 音喜多 葵
Kikuo Anabuki 穴吹 菊男
Zuiho "Jazz" Jashiki 謝敷 瑞鳳 (ジャズ)
Haruka Higanbana 彼岸花 永
Asagao Kawasumi 川澄 槿
Yasue Kamemoto 亀本 慰映