A/N:HELLOOOOO my dear readers!
Sorry for my delay uploading the chapters here! Honestly I've had a bit of a hard time formating things on this website but oh well, all shall be well
Colin Bridgerton had a small circle of people he genuinely cared for in his life.
It was, in fact, quite a brief list that featured his mother, his siblings (even the ones who got on his nerves), Will (when he wasn't being difficult), and Penelope Featherington.
And although it might seem pretentious or even cruel to live life that way, caring about so little, Colin had enough experience to understand how relationships functioned and how people operated. He understood well what he meant to those around him and recognised his role in the world, as determined by them.
And the truth was, that world didn't have much room for him. There wasn't space for sentimentality, passiveness,weakness.
He didn't take long to realize this either.
It could have been when his first couple of girlfriends cheated, saying he was a pleasant diversion but not quite as remarkable or masculine as other guys. Or perhaps it was during his early years as an actor that he came across innumerable memes criticising his stupid facial expressions. Or maybe it was during those two years when he was continually labelled fat or taunted about his alleged beer belly after gaining weight.
It might have been in the few months following the end of acting school. When he encountered a rather well-known director and nearly landed a role in a moderately budgeted TV show, if only his closest friend hadn't spread whispers about his supposed involvement with substances, all to secure the part for himself instead of Colin.
Rumours that he still had to address every few years, by the way, not that the press bothered to be honest.
There was that time when a magazine editor casually ran her hand along his thigh, hinting at her intention to say nice things about him to others. But it wasn't as bad as the weeks when he finally got a part in the theatre, only for the director to keep saying that his butt just wasn't plump enough.
In any case, all of these thoughts became a bit of a muddle in his mind, much like a collection of puzzle pieces that, when put together, revealed the clear picture of how life was. Everyone was looking out for their own interests, a proper survival of the fittest, and Colin was certainly not the strongest, nor the brightest, nor the most dashing, and certainly not first in anything of real significance.
He certainly wasn't the first to anyone had ever dated. In fact, there came a time in his life when he found himself just waiting for the other shoe to drop. After all, expecting a different outcome from a situation that had played out a thousand times before is just plain foolishness.
Not the first among all his supposed friends, who didn't stick around after high school, after university, after any work together, after anything at all.
He liked to believe he could be the best in his job, but to be honest, while he had a nice face and a few awards, he just wasn't quite cut out for Academy Awards material. The New Yorker words, not his.
And it was fine, even if he wasn't the first for anyone in his family. It was okay if everyone was too busy to make it to his high school graduation. And even though no one could attend the ceremony when he received his first award, he at least received some lovely text messages a few hours later. He was just another artist in the family, and to be honest, not even the most talented.
It was alright, even if he wasn't the first for Penelope either. If all he could do after Eloise's departure try to hold the broken pieces together, destined to watch as Penelope grew more and more distant, for Colin wasn't his sister, and he couldn't offer what she could.
Colin Bridgerton knew his place in the world and was at peace with it.
There were many clear signs of a brewing crisis, some repeated over the past 18 months, all punctuated by persistent, noisy alerts and phone calls.
But it was the sudden, unnerving silence that first alerted Colin to something being truly wrong.
No one was responding to his messages; not a single person did so. None of his coworkers, no sibling, neither Penelope nor John. He contemplated reaching out to Will for the ultimate test, but he only contacted his manager when he was prepared to participate in an interview, photoshoot, or unexpected appearance at a fashion show in exchange, which he certainly was not.
He also noticed a trend of brief interactions with the crew during the morning's Pepsi ad shoot, as though everyone was hurrying through their conversations with him.
And last but not least, his social media didn't appear to be bombarding him with notifications, which had an unsettling effect on Colin rather than a calming one.
But then, after a day of complete radio silence, his phone buzzed with a call from the last person he expected.
His brow furrowed as he saw the name on the screen, momentarily gripped by an absurd fear that someone must have died. That was the only reason that could explain the sudden contact after years of hardly speaking. In any case, he eventually got over the shock and picked up the phone.
"Eloise?" He said hesitantly, as if his phone had misidentified the caller.
"What do you think you're doing?" were her first words, delivered as if nothing had happened at all. As if she hadn't moved away from the UK years ago, barely keeping in touch, as if they were resolving a petty argument they'd just had at home.
Twisting his face in confusion, he replied, like an idiot, "At the moment I'm about to have lunch, why?"
A scoff rang out from the other side. "Have you been on social media? At all?" she spat, her voice laced with such disdain that he felt like the most foolish person alive.
"No," he said, his annoyance mounting. His sister, who had practically vanished from his life for the past five years, had suddenly reappeared to pry into the subject he detested most. "I make it a habit not to check social media unless the world is coming to an end."
"I suggest you take a look at it," she said, her tone sharp.
He pinched the bridge of his nose, exasperated by the cryptic phone call. "Since when do you care about social media at all?"
There was a pause on the other line before she answered, "Since you and Penelope have been all over it. Which is precisely why I thought you'd think for about five seconds before speaking, Colin."
Colin felt his heart skip a beat, the unsettling feeling of déjà vu settling upon him as he processed her last line.
"Eloise," he said, his words measured and deliberate, "What on earth are you talking about."
"Your last interview for British Vogue," she said, and he felt a chill run through him, "Does that ring any bells?"
To be honest, it didn't ring any bells, but what did was that all-too-familiar feeling of the world falling apart after an interview.
"I don't… I can't quite recall saying anything…" He drifted off, attempting to recall all that had been said back then and what might have been so dreadful.
"Let me remind you," she said, "I wouldn't ever consider dating Penelope, not in a million years," and then, flatly, she added, "ha. ha. ha."
Colin wrinkled his forehead, "So? We've been friends our whole lives and people just won't stop pestering us, so—"
"You're the most stupid, clueless man to ever walk this earth," Eloise said, her voice weary before she snapped. "What do you think people would make of that line, Colin?"
He put his hand to his forehead, feeling short of breath.
"Have you even read what people are saying about Penelope online? What they had been saying even before you stupidly opened your mouth."
"No, Eloise," he felt his voice growing higher as fear gnawed at him. "I already said I don't care about social media, and I told Pen—"
"Oh, splendid for you," Eloise replied, "I'm quite certain you'll manage to carry on with your philosophy just nicely now while Pen deals with the repercussions."
Colin couldn't tell if Eloise's harsh and uncompromising tone was what was unsettling him, or if it was the worried pounding of his heart, causing his hands to tremble and his mind to desperately hope she was wrong. But, all of a sudden, he was furious.
"Oh, I see, so now you've taken an interest in Penelope," Colin replied. "I'm just a bit curious, but where was all this concern over the pastfiveyears?"
"I had to—"
"Where were you, Eloise, when you left your best friend behind with only me to pick up the pieces?" He asked with frustration, feeling a sense of satisfaction when she didn't respond. "So forgive me if you're about the last person I would ever listen to where Penelope is concerned," he added.
A heavy silence settled over the call, until Eloise finally spoke, her voice now weak and defeated, "Just have a look at social media," before ending the conversation.
Colin's eyes fixated on his phone, held in a hand that shook uncontrollably, his lungs constricting in a way he hadn't experienced in what felt like forever.
He shut his eyes and took a deep breath, opting to grab his car keys and head out rather than follow Eloise's instructions.
"She hasn't arrived home yet," Marina said, leaning against the doorjamb with her arms crossed.
Colin nodded, his mouth forming a tight line as he slipped his hands into his pockets. Of course, she wasn't home. With the imminent premiere and a whirlwind of events to attend, he too found himself rarely at home those days.
"Any idea when she'll be back?" He asked.
"In about an hour, I think," she said.
He could work with that. In fact, he wouldmakeit work if necessary.
Marina seemed to catch on to what he was thinking just by looking at his face. Without saying a word, she grabbed her brown wool coat from behind the door and stepped out of the flat.
"What are you doing?" Colin asked as she shut the door with a soft click.
"If you're going to wait for her, we might as well pop out for a bite to eat," she replied, locking the door. "Or were you thinking of just standing about here for the next hour or so?"
To be honest, he had thought about doing just that. However, he wasn't about to do so with Marina standing there watching him. Or even worse, with her staying inside the house while he stood outside like a rejected dog (which he already suspected would be the case, given that she hadn't invited him in).
Following Marina, he found himself at a dingy, local cafe, surrounded by worn furniture and the smell of cigarettes. Though the weather was brisk, they sat outside. Colin was adamant about not entering the cafe and taking off his sunglasses, fearing that being seen with Marina would only escalate the situation.
As he skimmed the menu, an unexpected wave of nausea washed over him. Prior to Eloise's call, he had been hungry, but now he couldn't find a single option that didn't make his stomach churn. Nevertheless, he had a long day ahead, so he forced himself to eat the omelette he had ordered, even though it made him feel queasy.
"You shouldn't to be too hard on yourself, you know," she said casually, glancing at him while adding grated parmesan to her broccoli and cheese soup.
Colin's gaze remained on his untouched food, his lips pursed together in contemplation. He was torn between the worry that Marina knew the exact reason for his desire to speak to Penelope and a flicker of relief that Penelope might not be upset.
"She's not replying to my texts," he said, slicing into his omelette, hardly able to believe he found himself in this situation with Penelope again so soon after the last time. "Or my phone calls."
"It will pass," Marina replied, taking a sip of her orange juice.
Colin shook his head, finding her casual tone utterly strange given Penelope's unprecedented behavior after all their years of friendship. Or at least, prior to that year.
"I don't think it will," he replied, the fork stabbing into his food with a sharp, metallic sound.
"I've said it before. The two of you need to learn to be normal friends," she said, wiping her mouth with her napkin and then neatly folding it. "You didn't say anything wrong. You just wanted to clarify that she's your friend, and that's all there is to it between you two."
It was strange how precisely that was what he wanted to convey, yet hearing Marina echo his words made bile rise in his throat. He munched on his food, feeling as though there was plastic in his mouth instead, and with considerable effort, he swallowed.
He still hadn't quite found the nerve to read through his interview and see for himself how it came across in writing (or on a phone screen), but he wasn't feeling optimistic about it. He had been in this situation too many times to pretend there was nothing to worry about.
"Sometimes, protecting a friend's feelings is more important than being right," he finally said, his voice quiet and thoughtful.
Marina paused, her spoon hovering over her bowl, her gaze fixed on him. A moment passed before she let out a small, sardonic smile and slurped the soup.
"You'll have to make a choice, eventually. You know that, right?" She asked.
Colin frowned at her, taking a sip of water before mustering the courage to take another bite of his food.
Realising he didn't understand, she said, "You can't have it both ways. You can't constantly prioritise Penelope without facing consequences."
With every line she spoke, his confusion grew. In his mind, he was doing what he always had for Penelope. No one had ever questioned his intentions in the past twenty years, so why were they doing so now?
"Honestly," Marina added, taking a sip of her juice."I've never quite grasped how someone like you hasn't settled down. I wondered if that was what you were after, and that would have been perfectly alright. But, based on what I know about you, that couldn't be further from the truth." She crossed her arms, contemplating how the guy struggled to just kiss her without getting tangled up in thoughts of a relationship. "The issue is that no relationship of yours is likely to succeed while you're still so emotionally attached to Penelope, and the public will always be watching the two of you. You can't have it all. You will need to make a choice," she reiterated.
Colin felt suffocated again, realising he hadn't thought about these things before. He wasn't sure if they were true either, considering Penelope's distant presence in his life for the past five years. It seemed unfair to blame her for any relationship failures.
That made Colin realise he was also angry. Angry that everyone, including Marina, assumed things about him and his relationship with Penelope. He was furious, because if Marina was right, he couldn't even be himself around one of the people he loved most. Everyone would always judge him, no matter what he said or did.
Fine then, he thought with determination as he abruptly stood up, giving up on eating. If he had to choose between the chaotic mess of his personal-public life and Penelope, it was an easy decision. He threw more money than necessary for his omelette and the service on the table, drank all of his water, and set his glass down with a loud clang.
"Then I choose Penelope," he said nonchalantly, turning around and leaving without looking back to see if Marina would follow.
Startled, the girl's eyes widened, and she grabbed her purse, hurrying after him.
Colin knew it hadn't been an hour yet, but he was becoming anxious as he listened to people talking about Penelope, rather than just speaking to his friend directly. He felt increasingly indifferent to anyone's thoughts about their friendship, especially since lately, it felt like everyone had an opinion to share. Their relationship was theirs alone, and ultimately Penelope's thoughts on the subject were the only ones that mattered.
So he hurried back to her flat, hoping that somehow all his problems would just disappear, that Penelope would magically be back, and when he looked into her eyes, everything would feel okay again.
As fate would have it, Marina opened the door just as her cousin was hanging her coat, and they nearly collided.
But unlike his hopes, as soon as Penelope noticed them, her eyes going from Marina to him, he realised how everything was very far from okay.
"Pen…"He trailed off, unsure what to even say.
At first, she didn't say a word, her lips curling into a grimace as she shifted to let Marina enter.
"I didn't mean to—"
"Look, Colin, I really don't wanna hear it," she said, her tone leaving no room for discussion as she leaned against the doorway, gripping the door with one hand like it was her emotional anchor.
There it was again. The same expression of betrayal on her face that had haunted him months prior. The difference was that it was worse this time, much worse.
"People kept making assumptions about us," he remarked, "and all I wanted was to clear things up."
At that, her lips pursed even more, and she averted her gaze to her own shoes instead of meeting his eyes. In that moment, Colin felt like he was bargaining with reality itself, unable to believe that he could have messed things up so completely.
"But the media, they always twist our words against us," he continued. "They manipulate and distort everything and—"
"And didn't you know this better than anyone else?" she interrupted, her voice cracking with anger as she whipped her head up to stare him down. Now he could see it, the redness in her eyes and how they glistened as they filled with tears. "Haven't you been saying all this time that we need to be careful?" she continued. "So how could you?"
He opened his mouth, desperately searching for words, his heart hammering against his ribs as he faced Penelope's crushing sorrow.
"I'm well aware that our relationship is completely platonic, and I never expected anything more," she said, swallowing hard as she told a lie that only she, in her own heart, would ever truly know. "But in your absurd haste to ensure that every single person in the universe is aware of that fact, you're going to tell me that you didn't know? That you had no idea how a comment like that would affect someone like me?" She asked, her voice cracking with pain as she gestured towards herself, as if she were a broken thing.
Colin furrowed his brow, confused by her last remark. He couldn't comprehend what about her specifically made his comment so impactful.
"Why someone like—"
"You know, in the past, whenever I was hurt, I would think," she went on, disregarding whatever he was about to say as tears streamed down her cheeks. "It's all right, really, as Colin is such a good friend." Her voice started breaking again, a dry chuckle escaping her lips, and when she looked at him, he wished with all his might that she hadn't. Because the pain and revulsion he saw in her typically warm and joyful eyes was a sight that would be forever etched in his memory.
And, absurdly, as he witnessed that look on Penelope's face, he contemplated how he never even knew he possessed the ability to hurt anyone so profoundly, let alone Penelope.
She added, "But you know what?" and he realised he truly, desperately, did not want to know. "A good friend would never do something like this. They would never hurt me this way just because they were that terrified of people assuming we were dating."
"That's not what—" He attempted to get just one word in. Because that wasn't what it was. He wasn't afraid of people thinking he was romantically involved with Penelope. He was just… He was…
Maybe he was just scared in general.
"Well, let me take that weight off your shoulders," she interrupted, her voice hardening, each word a brick in the wall she was building between them. "From now on, you don't have to worry about rumours regarding our friendship, because there isn't one anymore."
The blood drained from his face as he croaked out "Pen—"
"We are not best friends, in fact, we are not friends at all," she declared, her voice ringing with finality. He stared at her, his vision swimming as tears blurred his sight. "We are merely co-workers, cast mates in an upcoming movie, and nothing more. Do you understand?"
Despite asking a question, she didn't really need an answer. She didn't wait for one either, nor did she hesitate for a second, even when she saw Colin's watery eyes, before she slammed the door in his face.
Penelope turned and leaned against the door, her carefully constructed composure shattering as the weight of her emotions crashed down on her now that Colin's watchful eyes were gone. Her fingers dug into her chest, as if she could hold her feelings in with sheer willpower, but the tears kept threatening to spill over.
When she looked up, Marina met her gaze with a knowing look on her face, clearly having witnessed everything.
"Don't you think you're overreacting?" She asked.
In that moment, Penelope found herself teetering on the edge of laughter, or maybe it was a fit of rage that threatened to spill over—she couldn't quite tell. Of course that after everything that had happened, Marina had the audacity to go out with Colin, knowing exactly how upset Penelope was with him.
The redhead ran a hand through her hair, fed up with it all.
"You know, I feel like my flat is just way too small for the two of us. Perhaps you should stay with Philippa, or Prudence," Penelope said, and for once in her life, Marina fell silent.
Penelope then straightened her back and strolled towards her room, completely unfazed by her cousin's astonished expression. "I have to get ready for another photoshoot now," she announced, holding the door to her room before turning to Marina. "But I'd prefer to have my flat to myself until the end of the week." And with that, she closed yet another door, finally able to weep in peace.
Colin must have faked tears countless times over the years for various roles.
But as himself? He couldn't remember the last time he had cried.
There was a time when he was the most sensitive among all his siblings, and he wondered where that sensitivity even had come from. Perhaps it came from his father, he wouldn't know. Regardless, his siblings weren't particularly emotional, not a single one of them. Temperamental and passionate? Definitely. But it was as if all the vulnerability, softness, and tears had been concentrated solely on him, like a bolt of cursed lightning.
Growing up, he was constantly mocked for it, even in his early twenties. That was until he realised there was really no benefit to living life so weakly, and that he genuinely needed to grow up and stop letting things affect him so much. And then life became easier, when he pretended he was someone as resilient and unbreakable as Anthony, or Eloise. Even Hyacinth.
Life had indeed become easier, he thought to himself as he sniffled for the tenth time. He fished out a tissue from his glove compartment, dabbing at his eyes and then his nose, before his trembling hands finally found their place on the steering wheel.
To drive himself home, he knew he had to pull himself together. After all, he couldn't even rely on his own assistant to call a driver for him anymore, not with the way he was avoiding his calls.
Letting out a humourless chuckle, he swallowed hard and took a deep breath before starting the car. And as he drove home, he begged his body to just give him a break. And the absurd thing was, John was waiting for Colin right at his door the moment the actor got off the elevator, acting like he hadn't been ignoring his calls at all.
Colin scoffed, a pathetic wet sound after all his previous crying.
"You remembered I existed, did you?" He asked, his voice hoarse and one octave lower as he walked to his door.
John was taken aback by Colin's beet-red face, defeated tone, and generally dishevelled look.
"I'm... I'm sorry, Mr—Colin," he nearly slipped into formality, almost calling him Mr Bridgerton, a habit he hadn't used in almost a year. "My phone was acting up, so I had to come in person."
"Right," Colin replied, tossing his keys over the kitchen island, utterly unconvinced by John's words.
But he had more important things to think about than whether his assistant hated him. He simply leaned back against the island, pulling his phone out of his pocket, while John shut the door, staring at him as if fearing a sudden explosion.
However, the actor showed no sign of leaving his position. Instead, he went through all the social media apps on his phone, logged into his fake accounts, and just like Eloise told him to, he looked.
Colin Bridgerton vows to never consider dating Penelope Featherington: 'not in a million years'
by Lilah Bailey
The star of An Englishman in Italy has made his boundaries clear.
"I wouldn't ever consider dating Penelope, not in a million years," the actor stated to British Vogue last Thursday, just a week before the premiere of 'The Sword and The Heart.'
Bridgerton, 34, recently opened up in an interview about his current career phase, collaborating with his older brother, and the swirling romance rumours. While it appeared to be a standard conversation, fans couldn't help but pick up on the actor's noticeable discomfort when it came to the notion of a romantic connection with co-star and supposed long-time friend, Penelope Featherington.
The interview has sparked numerous conversations about the actress's dynamics with the cast, the casting process, and has drawn some less-than-flattering comments about her unconventional appearance.
Kath bridgertonsthird
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Dee warofthorns
bridgertonsthird #they always lose
ɪʀɪꜱ swor4onh3rt
warofthorns bridgertonsthird he said as soon as this movie is over I wouldn't touch that ugly ass with a ten-foot pole
Kath bridgertonsthird
swor4onh3rt warofthorns dear lora shippers your king just reminded you your queen has a distorted face and a wobbly ass
Maria Gomes ️ englishmansw1fe
he really said NOT IN A MILLION YEARS LMAO
sab bbtooncol
englishmansw1fe can we blame him?
・・Patty patric1agom3sz
bbtooncol englishmansw1fe I too would be mad if my talentless friend forced herself in my work
sab bbtooncol
patric1agom3sz englishmansw1fe oh he's pissed
・・Patty patric1agom3sz
bbtooncol englishmansw1fe fr he laughed at her face and who am i to disagree
fi is tired fifigrande
good can we finally talk about how this pity casting is only taking away the focus from the movie
Lu luanam_i_m4
fifigrande YES
｡‧ʚɞ‧｡ Taylor j1minology
luanam_i_m4 fifigrande wait wdym?
Lu luanam_i_m4
fifigrande j1minology ppl were EVERYWHERE on the movie accs talking about her
fi is tired fifigrande
luanam_i_m4 j1minology flooding the internet with comments abt an irrelevant character and even more irrelevant actress
Lu luanam_i_m4
fifigrande j1minology EXACTLY
｡‧ʚɞ‧｡ Taylor j1minology
luanam_i_m4 fifigrande oh okay, i actually kinda like nora
fi is tired fifigrande
luanam_i_m4 j1minology i actually don't mind nora that much but i can't stand penelope
Lu luanam_i_m4
fifigrande j1minology She's so fake
fi is tired fifigrande
luanam_i_m4 j1minology she's so arrogant and she's barely a 2
ℚ𝕦𝕖𝕝 racheltyl
saw someone calling penelope featherington a 2 today and i got angry bc they were so generous
Dee warofthorns
racheltyl lmao
tara collinsb4_by
never in my life have I been this disappointed with colin
Wren arrianassgrandis
collinsb4_by honestly same
tara collinsb4_by
arrianassgrandis like i get he was bothered ppl were shipping them but there are ~ways of saying it
Wren arrianassgrandis
collinsb4_by exactly he knows how the internet works
M. btcolIn
arrianassgrandis collinsb4_by lmao you people are just cryin he wont shag that whore
𝔠𝔞𝔯𝔩𝔬𝔰 carlosbton
i'm depressed
Milena mrsleonidassoares
carlosbton I was so excited for the movie next week now i kinda can't look at colin's face
𝔠𝔞𝔯𝔩𝔬𝔰 carlosbton
carlosbton same
genna guinevereloraeer
no offense but i hope colinbridgertond*es
Re XcolinxXbr1
guinevereloraeer colinbridgerton this is exactly why i didn't want you people anywhere near him
lariiiii SnH era southnationsqueen
i told you people to stop shipping them I TOLD YOU
Tess bridgerrc0llin
southnationsqueen now colin's getting hate just for clarifying the obvious congratulations to all involved
Daniella pensfeathers
bridgerrc0llin southnationsqueen um no people are mad at him bc that was an incredibly insensitive thing to say and if there's anyone getting hate here it's penelope
Tess bridgerrc0llin
southnationsqueen pensfeathers i literally saw someone sending death threats to him
Daniella pensfeathers
bridgerrc0llin southnationsqueen lol okay like two wackos hate him while the entire internet is after pen
lariiiii SnH era southnationsqueen
pensfeathers bridgerrc0llin I have to agree i'm sorry but he knew what would happen tho it's p0lin shippers fault in the first place
Top 10 Ugliest Female Actresses
by James Fowler
Having completed a top 10 ugly actors, I thought after this week I ought to follow on with a top 10 ugly women. From Penelope Featherington to Dolores Stowell, here they are...
"What is going on here?"
John's gaze darted between Will, who had just walked into Colin's flat, and the actor himself, who was now gasping for breath, his face drained of colour, and his hands gripping his chest. The assistant's mouth opened and closed, his hand trembling, a finger pointed shakily towards Colin.
"He… he mentioned he was merely having a look at Instagram and—"
Will muttered "Not this again" under his breath, his face hardening as he marched towards his client and old-time friend.
"I'm fine," Colin said, the words barely audible through his laboured breathing.
"How long has he been checking social media?" Will asked, his tone sharp and businesslike, completely ignoring Colin's empty reassurances as if he had already pieced together the situation.
"Twenty minutes, I think," John rasped, his eyes glued to the scene before him. He felt helpless, utterly useless, watching Colin in such a state. In the year and a half he had been working with the man, he had never seen him like that.
"I'm fine," Colin barked again, even though his hand stayed clasped to his heart, making his assurance less than believable.
"Then breathe," Will instructed, his eyes searching Colin's, his hand on his own chest as he demonstrated, each breath deep and deliberate. "In and out."
"I'm not having a panic attack, Will," he said, though he found himself taking breaths in sync with his manager.
"Right, then let's put your phone aside," Will said with raised eyebrows, his hand slowly reaching for the device in Colin's grasp like he was taming a skittish animal.
Colin's eyes rolled in exasperation, a faint blush returning to his pale cheeks. He tossed his phone onto the kitchen island, the sound bouncing around the room, and then paced in agitated circles on the intricately patterned navy rug in the living room, his hand constantly running through his hair. Will and John exchanged a worried look before they simply watched the dishevelled man.
"I didn't laugh at her?" was the first thing Colin remarked, gesturing vaguely towards his phone. "Why on earth would they say I chuckled?" He continued pacing and the other two were unsure if he was actually holding a conversation with them or with himself at that point. "Ididn'tchuckle. Did I?" He paused, placing one hand on his hip and the other on his sweaty forehead.
"I can't remember," Will decided to reply, wanting to stop Colin's incessant, nonsensical ramblings. "Does it really matter?"
"Of course it matters," Colin exclaimed, his voice rising, and Will winced, wishing he hadn't said anything. The man was pacing again, his wild gestures turning his already messy hair into a whirlwind of chaos. And to make matters worse, he had another interview in just half an hour. "I wasn't laughing at her," the actor insisted, his voice escalating as if he were addressing the universe itself. "I simply meant that we're friends, damn it."
"I understand, but you know what they're like. Both the media and the fans," Will replied, his hand tapping rhythmically on his hip as he sighed, trying to project an air of calm. Despite the years since his friend's last panic attack, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he triggered another. "Even when you choose your words carefully, they can still be misunderstood. And let's be honest, you weren't exactly at your finest during this interview and—"
"I know," interrupted Colin, tugging at his hair in frustration. If one more person reminded him that he should have known better, he would explode. He knew it was his fault. He understood that. By now, he realised he had overreacted and destroyed one of the best things in his life, a typical scenario for him, but what was he supposed to do with that? Live in regret forever?
"The problem is that people keep assuming we're secretly dating when she's one of my closest friends, and I'm just treating her as I always have," Colin retorted, his voice sharp with indignation.
"I understand," Will replied, his voice betraying his exhaustion. Colin looked at him, noticing the weariness and hesitation etched on his face.
And, suddenly, Colin saw it.
When Penelope mentioned that there was something inside him that was absolutely terrified at the mere suggestion of people assuming they were dating, he could see in Will's expression that he had also picked up on this being a sensitive topic for Colin. It was peculiar, considering his lack of any connection to Colin and Penelope's relationship.
And perhaps that was precisely why the truth hit him so suddenly, forcing him to accept that he was indeed genuinely scared of that suggestion. But the worst part was that he didn't even know why.
They had always been friends throughout their lives, and he had never... he had never really thought of Penelope in that way. She was Penelope, not someone he only did things for with the intention ofsnoggingher, as some were suggesting. Definitely not someone he planned on getting involved with only for the relationship to end with both of them hating each other, or worse, feeling nothing at all.
Not that all relationships had to end that way; he knew that. It was just that most of his had. Not that they necessarily would if Penelope was involved, he just—
He closed his eyes tightly, realising he was now arguing with himself in his own mind. He didn't even make sense to himself—perfect. How on earth could he even begin to explain himself to anyone else?
"I didn't… I didn't mean she's undateable," he said, finally speaking slower, as if he were trying to sort out his own thoughts. "Or to suggest that the idea of her dating in general is absurd. I meant the idea of her datingmeis absurd," he clarified, placing both hands on his chest to emphasize himself. Just when the others thought he was calming down, he began pacing again and gesturing wildly. "There's no reason why anyone else wouldn't want to date her," he said, sounding absolutely sure of himself, as if all the critics online were right there on his couch, hanging on to every word. "She's got a great sense of humour, she's really intelligent, extremely talented, and… and… she's… she's very pretty." He paused, his final words a mix of conviction and hesitation, as he uttered the truths he'd kept buried inside but never expressed in such a context, while the men around him observed with raised eyebrows. "She's..." he faltered, his gaze shifting back to the phone on the countertop. "Perfect."
Instead of ending with a decisive statement, his speech concluded with a contemplative tone, and he abruptly turned towards the kitchen island.
"What do you think you're doing?" Will exclaimed, his voice sharp with worry as he saw the wild, determined look in Colin's eyes.
"John, what is my Instagram password?" Colin asked.
Will and John froze in their tracks. Colin had quite a few fake accounts that he hardly ever used to scroll through social media, but his official account was managed by a professional social media manager, given Colin's disdain for and inability to navigate the world of social media.
"No," Will declared, stepping closer to the actor, his voice laced with urgency, hoping to stop whatever idiotic action he was about to take. "Don't even think about it—"
"John, what is my Instagram password,"Colin demanded again, his voice sharp with impatience as he snatched his phone, ignoring his manager's protests.
The assistant began to speak, but Will cut him off, pointing at him and raising his voice even louder than Colin's, yelling, "Don't tell him his password!"
John's eyes darted nervously from one man to another, feeling overwhelmed by the chaos and uncertain about his next move. Meanwhile, Colin was quickly switching from his fake Instagram account to his official one.
With his eyes still on his phone, Colin said, "Just remember, I'm the one who pays you, not him."
He did have a valid point. And it was also likely John wasn't in his boss's good graces, particularly after he most surely noticed John empathising with Penelope's issues, which, although unprofessional, was something he couldn't control.
"Do not tell—"
"C-b, one, two, three, exclamation point!" John exclaimed, squeezing his eyes shut as if waiting for something to blow up.
The other two men came to a halt, one looking at John with a puzzled frown while the other directed a glare of indignation at Colin.
"That's it?" Colin asked.
"One, two, three. Are you serious?" Will practically shouted. "Do you want to get hacked?"
"I didn't even know what the damn password was!" Colin screamed back, his shoulders hunched.
"They basically just reused the old password," John said, utterly uselessly, prompting Colin to give him a withering look and Will to cross his arms and stare at Colin. Then the assistant continued, "But they added the exclamation point," he said, throwing his hands up in surrender.
"If he gets hacked, I'm going to murder both of you," Will declared, his eyes bulging as he pointed at them with two fingers.
Colin waved him off, his eyes glued to his phone as his fingers typed out the password and he logged in. Then the reason for Will's anxiety flooded back to him.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
Irritatingly, the only response he received was a vague, "You'll find out soon enough."
If Penelope's dislike for photoshoots had lessened somewhat due to Colin's constant presence in them during their promotional tour for 'The Sword and the Heart', now that loathing had come back with a vengeance. To make matters worse, after that day, she was absolutely convinced that their photoshoots would go down in history as the most awkward ever. And their interviews. And shooting, in general.
At least that day's shooting was for a magazine and only included the female stars. However, having Cressida around would only add to the discomfort, as Penelope would have to bear not only her judgemental stares but also her victorious grin, all while being judged by everyone else.
As her taxi neared the studio for the photoshoot, she made a conscious effort not to linger on that long list of problems. She tried to clear her mind, focusing solely on applying redness relief eye drops to each eye. After carefully dabbing them with a tissue and wiping her nose, she desperately hoped that her face wouldn't reveal the fact that she had been crying. She commanded her brain to erase all memories of Colin, to disregard the pain he had caused, and to refuse to even picture his face after she had rightfully ended their friendship. The last thing she wanted was to dwell on those thoughts and start crying again.
Lightly patting her face, she tried to lessen the puffiness, though it was a pointless effort given the torrent of tears she had shed just moments prior.
"Wait, aren't you that actress?"
Penelope hesitated, her eyes fixed on the cabbie, unable to believe what she'd just heard. Sure, she had received some recognition now and then, especially recently, but it usually came about when a really enthusiastic fan of whatever she was in was , this didn't seem to be the case, which surprised her.
"Um," she hesitated, her eyes locking onto his in the rearview mirror, her thoughts whirling as she pondered whether he had confused her for someone else.
He caught a glimpse of her in the rearview mirror, his gaze lingering for just a moment before he said, "You are," and then turned his attention back to the road ahead. "That sword film, right?"
For a moment, Penelope just stared at the back of his greying head before she gave a slow nod. She cleared her throat, noticing he wasn't looking at her and said, "Yes."
"That's absolutely brilliant!" he exclaimed, his voice brimming with such contagious enthusiasm that even Penelope's rather heavy heart lifted a bit.
"My daughter's got a massive poster of you," he carried on. "She says your character is her favourite," he emphasised with a wave of his hand before placing it back on the steering wheel. "Lora, is it?"
Penelope pressed her lips together, conflicted between finding the man's enthusiasm over his daughter's interest adorable and feeling a pang of sadness at the thought of her character's and Colin's ship name.
"Nora," she gently corrected him.
"Yes!" he said, remembering the correct name. "That's it."
The woman sent him a small, warm smile, and he pulled over as they finally reached their destination. Reaching into her purse for her wallet, she observed as he opened the glove compartment.
He hesitated, saying, "If it's not too much trouble..." as he offered a pen and paper. "Would you mind giving me your autograph? She'd absolutely have my head if I told her I met you and didn't bring her anything."
"Oh," she said, her eyes widening as she delicately accepted the two objects from his hands. "Of course. What's her name?"
"Alice," he replied with a fond smile.
Penelope's gaze landed on the yellowed, torn paper and the worn, retractable pen, its faded dentist's number etched onto the side, the clip broken and dangling precariously. It was peculiar how seemingly insignificant things would unexpectedly pull at her didn't care about impressing her with creative items to sign. His only goal was to make his daughter happy, and oddly, that almost brought Penelope to tears once again.
Loving families, they truly were a threat to her heart.
Swiftly, she signed the paper, concluding her message with a heart, and then handed it back to the older man.
"Thank you, thank you so much," he said with a radiant smile, and she felt her spirits lift once more, a lightness returning to her step as she paid and continued on her way.
As it turned out, it was indeed yet another devoted fan, and Penelope was simply grateful to bring a little joy to both the girl and her father with something as simple as her signature, a gesture that now seemed a bit surreal to her.
She tried to focus on that, battling the overwhelming anxiety that tightened in her chest as soon as she entered the brightly lit studio. The air buzzed with the quiet murmurs of dozens of people, all moving with purpose. Some carried clothes, others equipment, and a few, rare souls, clutched warm coffees and pastries. The frantic buzz of activity around her made her feel like an outsider, the unfamiliar faces all darting about their tasks. Every person seemed to be in a rush, their eyes darting back and forth, and they all seemed to glance at her with a strange, unsettling curiosity. It made her feel incredibly self-conscious, and she couldn't help but think of all the cruel things she'd read about herself online.
"You're here!" A blonde woman Penelope had never seen before exclaimed, her voice brimming with such excitement that Penelope momentarily believed she was a long-lost friend she had forgotten about.
Penelope must have looked shocked because the woman placed a hand on her forehead, as if realising she had overstepped.
"I'm sorry, I'm Hannah," she introduced herself, pointing to herself. "Shall we get you ready then?" she asked, motioning for Penelope to follow her to the dressing room. "Your chair is the third one in the middle, and there's a dressing robe for you to wear since they'll be trying different outfits for the photoshoot." She paused, hesitatingly studying Penelope's face. "We're a bit behind schedule, but our producer has treated us to some champagne," she mentioned, indicating a tall bottle with an elegant blue label and champagne glasses perched on a small table in the room's corner.
The actress's eyebrows shot up in surprise at the gesture, and Hannah visibly relaxed, relieved that their lateness hadn't triggered a tantrum, a common occurrence with stars, as they had just witnessed with Cressida Cowper a few minutes prior.
"Do have some of it while you get your hair and makeup done," she winked at Penelope. Then, her gaze lingering on Penelope's face for just a second too long, she added, "Wow, your skin is fantastic," and with a slight, knowing nod, she continued on her way.
Penelope furrowed her brow, staring after the woman in complete confusion, and instinctively touched her own cheeks as if searching for an explanation. She then shook her head and finally entered the dressing room, which should have been an uneventful experience, except for the fact that it was filled with hair stylists, makeup artists, assistants, and, of course, Cressida Cowper.
The blonde, her golden hair shimmering in the light, was chatting animatedly with a hairdresser across the room, her fingers delicately twirling the stem of her glass. As Penelope entered, the blonde leaned in and whispered something to her companion, their eyes following Penelope as a ripple of laughter rippled between them.
"Penelope, you're here," Kate's sudden exclamation startled Penelope.
She turned and saw Kate sitting on the first chair, staring at her through the mirror. The hair stylist's skilled hands moved through Kate's long, beautiful brown hair, creating waves as she smiled at Penelope.
Feeling flushed and silly, she couldn't shake the bitterness that welled up inside her. The woman's slightly loud call drew unwanted attention, which was the last thing Penelope wanted on a day when she just wanted to blend into the background. Deep down, she felt ridiculous for letting something so insignificant bother her. But when she retreated into her shell, she couldn't help it. Having been singled out and ridiculed numerous times before, she knew that the less attention she attracted, the less people would remember to make fun of her.
Because pretending they didn't know what was going on was futile, especially considering that the fallout from Colin's words had been splashed across every news outlet. She could tell by their eyes that they had seen it too, even Kate's kind eyes, which suddenly seemed so excited to see her.
"Hi, Kate," Penelope replied, her voice barely a whisper, a shy smile playing on her lips. Kate's hairdresser was also beaming at her and Penelope's lips twitched into a shy smile, accompanied by a soft "Hi," before she continued on her way.
Arriving at her chair, Penelope picked up her plush, rose-coloured robe, the soft texture a comfort against her skin, and looked around the room, considering her options.
She was well aware of how dressing rooms for women could be, with people casually undressing and chatting without a care. However, Penelope was different. She had always felt self-conscious changing in front of her sisters, and even in front of Eloise. And after the events of the past 24 hours, her discomfort was amplified. As an actress, she had learnt that expressing her unease often fell on deaf ears, with people dismissing it as exaggerated, as if they had seen it all before. So Penelope typically preferred to assess the situation before deciding how to change, but on that particular day, her anxiety made the choice for her.
Kate and Cressida were immaculate in every way: perfect height, weight, hair, and skin. Penelope, however, was anything but.
With that in mind, she excused herself momentarily, clutching her robe tightly to her chest as she sought out the nearest bathroom. It wasn't as spacious or luxurious as the previous room, but it was preferable to being scrutinised and judged to no end. So, she fumbled to shed her clothes, cursing the moment she chose her bulky, beige, mismatched underwear set. Stardom wasn't for her, she mused, her hand smoothing her robe while the other carefully held her clothes above the damp ground.
After finally finishing getting dressed, she returned to the dressing room, where her hairdresser, a tall brunette with large, curly hair and sparkling hoop earrings, was already waiting.
"Oh, love, why didn't you use that bathroom? It was so much closer," she said, gesturing to a door across from them. While talking, she took the clothes from Penelope and put them on the chair near them.
"Let me see then," she adjusted her posture and looked Penelope up and down. "They supposedly want it long and wavy. I reckon it won't be an issue at all; you've got quite the head of hair," she stated, gesturing at Penelope's locks with a manicured finger. "Hold on a tick, I don't reckon I've grabbed the right colour for you," she said, her eyes flitting between the hair extensions and Penelope's red locks. She then knitted her brows and asked, "Do you dye your hair?"
Penelope blinked, her hand instinctively reaching up to touch her hair, as if the strands had somehow transformed into a different color. "No, it's.. it's my natural hair."
"Really?" the hairdresser exclaimed, clearly impressed. "It's a gorgeous colour. I'd never change it either. "And just before Penelope could reply, she said, "Just hold on a moment, I'll fetch some different ones." She lifted the extents once more before pointing to the same table Hannah had shown her earlier. "Do have a drink while you're waiting. Or juice, whatever colours you fancy." She gave a little shrug before heading out of the room.
Penelope stared blankly as another person walked away, utterly baffled. What was going on with people today? Her eyes fell upon her hair, and she ran her fingers through it softly. She questioned if everyone's sudden kindness was a reaction to the online negativity, but then decided to dismiss that idea. She did like her hair colour.
Letting out a weary sigh, she finally decided to follow everyone's suggestion and pour herself a drink. It would have to be an alcoholic one, she thought, because after everything, she definitely deserved a glass of champagne.
"You might want to take it easy on that," Cressida remarked, grabbing a water bottle from the nearby table and smirking slightly.
Penelope's glare was barely suppressed, a tight smile stretching across her lips as she feigned amusement at the blonde's veiled attacks. She gracefully walked back to her chair, leaning against its back, and leisurely sipped her drink while waiting for her stylist. Each deep breath she took was a conscious effort to endure the upcoming photoshoot and promotional tour.
The fact that nobody had mentioned Colin directly to her yet felt like a small victory. However, the constant gaze from those around her still unsettled her. Inhaling deeply, she fought the urge to gulp down her entire drink. She could feel the whispers and curious stares, but she held her head high, refusing to let them bother her.
However, she couldn't help but notice that everyone suddenly seemedreallyfixated on her, shamelessly staring back and forth between her and their phones.
"Pen," Kate approached her, her hair now all long, full, and shiny, cascading down her shoulders. Her face, shiny with highlighter, seemed to glow, and her perfectly lined eyes, intense and sharp, made her expression even more daunting. "You might want to have a look at your Instagram."
Penelope felt a chill go down her spine immediately. Her gaze swept the room, confirming the fact that everyone was staring at her.
Not again,she thought, her heart pounding, so consumed by anxiety that she missed Cressida's smile disappearing.
"I..." she began, her voice catching in her throat with fear. "I don't want to," she whispered, sounding almost like a frightened child. But with Kate, she felt safe enough to let down her guard and show her vulnerability.
The other woman, however, didn't seem at all surprised. But she did raise her perfectly designed eyebrows, as if to make an unsaid point. "No, youreallydo."
There was a certain something in Kate's warm brown eyes that instantly convinced her. However, there was only one problem.
"I can't," Penelope replied. "I haven't got my phone on me."
"What?" Kate questioned, her forehead crinkling with disbelief.
Penelope closed her eyes, feeling utterly embarrassed as she confessed, "I didn't want to see my messages, social media, or the news."
Kate scanned her face, a look of utter understanding dawning in her eyes. Without needing an explanation, she thrust her phone into Penelope's hands.
"Take mine then," she said.
Penelope stared at her in wonder for a moment before turning her attention back to the screen. The screen displayed Colin's Instagram page, a sight that already filled Penelope with fear.
"Check his stories," Kate explained, sliding one of her earbuds into Penelope's ear, feeling a little grateful that the device decided to cooperate for a change.
Penelope was so nervous, she barely even noticed the kindness offered to her. Her heart pounded in her chest as she fixed her eyes on Colin's tiny Instagram picture. With a deep breath, she ripped off the metaphorical band-aid and tapped on it, her fingers trembling.
A video, seemingly in selfie mode, flashed Colin's face at her. She hardly registered his slightly red eyes and messy appearance before it started playing.
"Hi, Colin Bridgerton here," he said, waving at the camera, as if his dedicated followers needed a reminder of who he was. He shot a look at the camera, his jaw clenched tight and his eyes blazing, and Penelope saw he was absolutely furious. "I've made the decision to share this as a few things have come to my notice, and I really can't just let them slide."
He stopped, his gaze darting to the side, his forehead creasing before speaking. "I can't help but feel that everyone ought to stop taking pleasure in other people's misfortunes. That's how I feel," he said, turning towards the camera once more. "A lot of people really need to stop hunting for phrases and words that twist meanings to suit their own agenda, just so they can belittle someone else and feel a bit better about themselves. Because…" he started, but the words seemed to catch in his throat. He furrowed his eyebrows and swallowed hard. "When I say I'm friends with Penelope Featherington and won't be dating her, how on earth can you take it the way you did?" He asked, looking back at the camera as if it had wronged him personally. "But alright, I'll lay it out for you."
The story abruptly ended, leaving Penelope speechless, and before she could even catch her breath, a new one began.
"To begin with, I struggle to see the connection between my friendship with her and her talent—there simply isn't one. But I get that some of you might not have come across all of her works and are perhaps speaking out of ignorance in your eagerness to have a go at someone you hardly know," he said, his voice calm and steady, as if he were simply stating a fact and Penelope gasped. "So for everyone in that group, I want you to start recording this video right now." He gestured to the ground with his index finger. "Are you good? Okay then. Next week there's this film premiering, and you'll be watching it, right? I mean, you really have to after all this. And when you watch it, if her performance doesn't completely knock your socks off, you can take this video you're recording and use it against me all you like." Penelope's eyes widened again, a flicker of alarm crossing her face as she looked at the screen, as if the man had lost his mind. With a careless shrug and a wave of his hand, he continued, "In any way you see fit, I don't care. If she doesn't blow you away, and I'm sure she will, then you can come back here and let me have it. Give me a good shouting for as long as you need."
The story abruptly ended once again, leaving Penelope with a brief moment to ponder,Colin, what in the world are you doing?before the next one began.
"And the second thing is, I didn't quite realise that I had to add a disclaimer to every single interview, because surely some things are just obvious?" He tilted his head before carrying on with his speech, "But here it goes, for every future interview:" He raised one hand as if reading a headline in the air, "Roses are red, the sky is blue, Penelope Featherington is a beautiful woman." He gazed at the camera once more, as if addressing a bunch of daft teenagers. "I don't get it, don't you lot have eyes? No offence intended if you need glasses, but for those who don't, why on earth do I have to be telling you this? What's the connection between two friends deciding not to date and someone's looks? And what's it got to do with me?" he carried on, "Because if you think we're not dating because I don't find her beautiful, you couldn't be more mistaken. Unlike certain people online, I assure you I do have eyes." He shot his hand up in indignation. "And the thing is, what we choose to do and our reasons behind it in our personal lives are nobody's business."
And just when Penelope thought she couldn't be more breathless, the last story began playing, delivering the final blow.
"After all, for all you guys know, the reason I won't date Penelope is because I already asked her and she turned me down. So," he casually shrugged, attempting to seem nonchalant while pretending that was exactly what had happened.
As the video ended, the last sound Penelope heard was the sickening crash of her champagne glass hitting the ground.
A/N:
phew and that's IT
If you notice, I split what would have been two "sister" chapters into three because (you guessed it), this chapter turned out to be too long and too much. It really needed to end here for everyone to breathe together because the last part of these three chapters is the culmination of this period in their lives, so I decided to split this second chapter.
Don't forget to check the LIKE OLD HOLLYWOOD playlist I'm always changing it a bit, and don't forget your likes and reviews! (please don't kill me again LMAO)
God bless you and have a great afternoon!