A/N This chapter specifically is an allegory to what it's like to begin or rekindle a relationship with a higher being. The strife Videl endures at the beginning is strikingly different compared to what she does at the end.

In pain, confusion, and guilt, there is humbleness, forgiveness, and grace.

Happy reading.

"When you are in distress and all these things have happened to you, then in later days you will return to the LORD your God, and obey him."

-Deuteronomy 4:30

Monday.

The reality of classes resumed, which meant returning to normality. But nothing seemed normal about today.

Everything seemed so big, and distant. Videl hadn't realized how big this university campus was. She was late to every class today. No matter how fast she walked, people continued to surpass her. She'd grab a door handle, only to be short a few feet from actually grabbing it. She could hear people talking about her, but she couldn't see anybody speaking. She could feel eyes on her, but she couldn't find anyone looking at her. Her friends spoke in muffled voices, so it made talking to them less enjoyable.

Videl spent the night tossing and turning in her bed, unable to get any sleep. Her sleep was disrupted by night terrors whenever her body settled into rest. The first terror woke her up in a bed of sweat. The second terror woke her up with a hard punch to the wall she slept towards. The third terror kept her up the rest of the night, back against the wall, nursing her throbbing hand.

Tuesday.

The only day she didn't have classes. It was the best time to catch up on sleep and watch some comfort shows. But nothing was comforting about today.

Her body was tired, but her mind raced anxiously, keeping her from catching up on sleep. Videl watched her television blankly, hoping that she would eventually fall asleep.

Crime shows were her favorite to watch. She had been watching them with her father for as long as she could remember. They impacted her so much that she wanted a career in criminal justice. But today she couldn't help but notice the one thing they all had in common.

The guilty verdict.

Court shows, detective shows, forensic shows. No matter what show she was watching, they all painted the same picture.

Guilty.

She couldn't stop hearing the word. It made her skin crawl. It made the little hairs on the back of her neck stand up. It turned her stomach inside out. It filled her with absolute dread, and she didn't want to accept why.

The hollow day turned into the heartless evening, and later into a hellish slumber.

Wednesday.

Videl woke up with low expectations for today. She doubted the pattern she was experiencing this week would suddenly be good to her today, yet she still felt like she deserved a break. But nothing good would come from today.

Her low expectations were met with sore muscles upon getting out of bed. It was strange. Despite doing the opposite, she felt like she had been training all day. She left her room, hoping moving would help relax her muscles. Videl looked at her appearance in the vanity mirror. Unkempt hair and a paler-than-usual complexion made the dark circles under her eyes more prominent. Was she sick?

The mere thought made her stomach lurch, and she ran to the toilet. Videl fell to her knees and clung to the porcelain bowl, vomiting profusely. She couldn't imagine what she was throwing up if she didn't eat yesterday. How would she make it through today like this?

Videl pulled herself up, wiping her mouth and flushing the toilet. Then, she proceeded to get ready for the day.

Videl went through the motions of the day, wearing the same hoodie from Monday, with her head covered and down. She dragged herself from class to class, fighting her sore body and pushing down nausea. When biology class came, all she had been looking forward to was climbing back into bed. Like Monday, her friends spoke to her in the same distant, mumbled voices. They looked concerned, but she couldn't make out exactly why they were concerned. Videl looked at the empty seat next to the staircase before laying her head down until class ended.

Once class was over, Videl returned to her dorm. She managed to pull off her backpack and shoes before climbing into bed. She was starving, but too tired to get out of bed. She felt like vomiting again, but was too weak to grab the waste bin. She felt like if she screamed, no one would hear her. Tears formed in her eyes. Videl pulled the covers over her head and cried until she fell asleep.

Thursday.

Dende left his last class of the day. He had a good week, though both Gohan and Videl had been on his mind. He felt bad for losing his temper and leaving Gohan so suddenly at the Worship Center, he'd apologize the next time he saw him. He hoped with the days passing, Gohan would feel a little better about whatever he was dealing with. He also hoped Videl felt better too, he didn't think she could be so upset. Maybe she wasn't willing to talk to him about her situation, but he hoped she found someone to talk to.

He pushed the door to exit the building and stepped out into the warm air. It was a nice day to enjoy the sun before it set. Maybe Chiaotzu would like to accompany him in laying out on the grass.

"I'm sorry."

The small voice cut through the low crowd murmur and caught Dende's attention. He turned around, trying to locate the voice. His eyes widened when he found the source.

What was once a complete being, now stood as flesh with no spirit.

He grabbed the soulless being by its hand and led them away to speak privately.

…

Videl allowed herself to be led by Dende through crowds of students and to the Worship Center. While the building was silent and peaceful, it still made her tense. It's been so long since she's been in a place like this.

Dende led her through the sanctuary, and she admired its quiet beauty, and calm scent. There were a few students sitting in the pews. She thought they would just sit and talk, but instead of pulling her over to a pew to sit, he pulled her over to the confession booth. Was he going to make her confess? Videl wished she could slip away from his gentle grip, but she was too tired to change her mind now.

After nearly pushing her in and closing the door behind her; Videl sat on the wooden bench, adjusting to the anechoic booth. It was the quietest moment she's had all week. She felt like cotton balls had been stuck in her ears. No muffled voices talking to her, no one whispering around her. Just her, and her thoughts.

The door to the lattice opening slid open, revealing the inside of the other booth. Surely Dende had to be on the other side. She sat in silence for a moment longer, unsure if Dende prompted her to speak or not.

She wasn't sure where to start, so she just started with what was on her mind.

"I've been pretty good at ignoring my conscience for a while now. I could get away with things, and not feel bad. I could sneak around without my dad knowing. I wanted girls to envy me, and boys to chase me... I wanted to live up to the reputation people had created for me. But after meeting you, it's gotten harder and harder to ignore it.

"This week has been nothing but chaos. Everything makes me feel small. I can't hear my friends talking to me. I only hear people talking about me, even if no one around me is talking. The night terrors are keeping my body in fight mode, and the guilt-ridden anxiety is keeping me from sleeping. My body is constantly sore. I'm nauseous. I can't remember the last time I ate. I keep having panic attacks, and I cry myself to sleep. Today I thought about climbing out of my window…I live on the third floor of my dorm." Her voice cracked slightly as she shared the thought.

Videl cleared her throat and sniffled slightly before continuing. "So before I end up dead by Friday, I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I was mean to you when I shouldn't have been. I didn't like you, and had no reason to." Her eyes squeezed shut as tears flowed down her cheeks. Videl clasped her hands together tightly. "I am begging you, please forgive me."

Dende was so humble and graceful through all things. Through all of her things. Through her malevolence and bitterness, he remained humble and graceful. She didn't deserve his forgiveness, but she yearned for it. She even showed no shame in begging for his forgiveness; as long as it meant learning how to be this humble and graceful again.

"I forgive you Videl."

The quiet voice speaking to her was the clearest thing she heard all week.

"I wish to only live in truth, but I'm not perfect. And I wish to balance my emotions, but I struggle with it more than I'd like. It takes a lot to admit your own wrongdoings, even more to beg for forgiveness. Anyone that's able to do that should be forgiven."

Videl felt as if a weight had been lifted off her chest. Forgiveness from Dende was a better feeling than she thought. Her mind felt clear, and her heart finally felt calm. The tension from her muscles washed away, and her body felt at ease. What was this feeling? "Thank you. You don't know how much I needed this." She whispered back.

"I could see how much you did. I'm glad you sought me out to talk. I was getting worried that you hadn't found anyone."

Videl gripped the wooden bench she was sitting on. "I know you just forgave me, and I don't want to rush anything…But I was hoping that maybe…we could start over? As friends?"

"Of course Videl. I would be happy to start over as friends, if that's what you want."

Videl released a breath she didn't know she was holding. "Thank you again. You've made this all so easy."

"Is there anything else that concerns you?"

Videl paused for a moment. She did have other concerns. Concerns about Gohan, but how much could Dende help her with that? "Gohan's been avoiding me since Saturday, and he won't tell me what I did. He just said he had some things to work out, but I don't know what he meant by that. Should I talk to him? Wait until he talks to me?"

"If Gohan has a concern to work out on his own account, let him come to you once he's found his solution. In the meantime it's best to ask for patience and guidance on the situation."

Videl could have snorted at the advice. "Like pray?" She shook her head. She could feel the cynicism towards religion return. "I've tried praying before, but unfortunately, it doesn't work for me. If it actually worked, some higher being would have listened to me instead of taking my mom from me. Prayer doesn't work."

"Sounds like you were praying for the wrong reason."

"Excuse me?"

"Most people believe that prayer is just a tool to garner results of a situation you're in, but sometimes, prayer is just venting to an empty room. Talking like no one is listening. It centers your mind, body, and soul to what's important to you. So maybe your prayers aren't always answered, but someone listened to them. You were heard by someone, even if it's just the echo of your own voice."

Videl had never heard of that perspective before. All those years ago, when she believed her prayers had fallen on deaf ears, perhaps she was just praying for the wrong things. It was her unanswered prayers that made her turn her back on religion. The thought that no one was listening to her made her faith falter. If she prayed now, would someone listen? Is it too late to try again? Surely she couldn't save her relationship with Gohan with the power of prayer, could she?

"Is there anything else on your mind?"

The quiet voice pulled her out of her thoughts. She shook her head. "No, you've helped me more than I thought. Thank you for your time." With that, she stood from the wooden bench and exited the confession booth.

Dende pushed the door open from his confession booth, rejoining Videl in the sanctuary. The color had returned to her pale skin, leaving her cheeks rosier than usual. Her posture was corrected, and the hoodie that hung over her head now rested on her shoulders. Her spirit seemed revived, and she seemed better than whole again.

Videl sighed quietly and looked over at Dende, a small smile forming on her face. "So can I repay you with lunch or coffee or something?"

Dende shook his head. "No need to repay me, but I'll be happy to keep you company."

Videl grinned. "Great, I'm starving."

Just like Sunday, Gohan sat in his room reading from the Book of Kami. He didn't know what to do but read while his subconscious worked on a solution. All week he had been at war with himself, unsure of what to do. He felt as if he had lost so much respect for himself for being so weak to temptation. And after failing attempts to rekindle his spirit all week, he felt as if the only thing to do was to break up with Videl. Rushing into a relationship like this wasn't a good idea if he wasn't ready for it.

He was too embarrassed to talk to anyone about it, and going to the altar last Sunday wasn't enough. Gohan still had so much on his mind. He still had Videl on his mind. He still had that night on his mind. He had more flashbacks than he liked to admit. All week they had been leaving him distant, and enticed. Gohan shook his head. He had to get the temptation off of his mind, despite wanting to see Videl again.

Just then, Sahir entered the room. Tossing his backpack aside and glaring at his roommate, he spoke, "You know, I can excuse not riding on the back of your Nimbus bike this week, but I cannot excuse not having a lab partner today in biology."

Gohan closed his book and looked up at his roommate from his desk chair. "Surely you had to be done first if you didn't have a partner."

"That's not the point. You didn't even come to class—"

"I emailed the professor to let him know I'd be absent."

"Well I'm not letting you borrow my notes."

"It's fine."

Sahir growled in frustration. "What is wrong with you?" He yelled, "You've been ignoring everyone with your head in your book all week! It's not fair to keep people that care about you in the dark!"

"I told you I don't want to talk about it! Stop asking me what's wrong, there's nothing wrong!" Gohan yelled back.

Sahir suddenly grabbed him by his shirt, hemming him up slightly in his chair. "Gohan! I know everything! Just tell me already!" He screamed.

Gohan stared at his roommate in shock. "Tell me what you know." He demanded.

The village boy released his shirt, and fell back in his own desk chair with a sigh. "I know you asked Videl to be your girlfriend. I know she left here Saturday morning, and I know you've been avoiding her."

"How do you know all that?"

Sahir shrugged in response. "I've been talking to Erasa all week. Both of our roommates had been acting strange, and we confided in each other about it." He looked over at his roommate. "But I'd rather hear everything from you. I was just waiting for you to tell me."

Gohan smirked slightly. "You'd rather hear what's going on from me than Erasa?"

Sahir pushed up his glasses, revealing the slight blush on his face. "Well I must admit your misfortune has given us a reason to be closer, but you're like a brother to me Gohan. I'd rather take an embarrassing secret to the grave than have you think you couldn't tell me something."

Gohan's smirked turned into a soft smile. He knew that Sahir was an only child, while he and Dende both had brothers. However, Dende and his brother Cargo were only a year apart while he and his brother Goten were over ten years apart. There were no other children to play with near his home in Mount Paozu. He was homeschooled until university. His only friends were his father's friends. He never had a friend his age, let alone one he roomed with, until he met Sahir. "Thanks. You're like a brother to me too. I'm sorry I thought I couldn't talk to you."

"It's okay. I just missed having someone to talk to in lab today." Sahir said with a laugh. "But, is everything okay with you and Videl? I thought you wanted to ask her out, why are you avoiding each other?"

Gohan paused for a moment. "I still don't know if I want to talk about it or not."

Sahir gave him a disapproving look.

"But, maybe I can write it down?"

Sahir looked back on his desk and grabbed a sticky note pad and gave it to Gohan.

"I'm going to need more than a sticky note."

"...How detailed were you going to be?"

With a sigh Gohan looked back on his own desk, grabbing a notebook and a pen to write down his summary. Sahir waited patiently until he heard the rip from the book, and was given a folded paper. He quickly unfolded the paper and began reading.

Gohan's face burned with embarrassment. He couldn't believe he was sharing something so intimate. Even the silence in the room was stifling. Maybe he was too detailed with a sheet of notebook paper.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

Gohan looked back, finding his roommate offering the same folded paper back to him.

"I know your plans were to wait until marriage, so I understand why you've been so upset."

Gohan took the paper back, placing it on his desk. "I don't get it. Any other guy my age would be bragging about something like this, but I'm…sulking." He shook his head, "I don't know if something's wrong with me or not."

"Anyone can be devastated over breaking a vow, now matter what it is. But, there are still promises to be made and vows to be given. Life shouldn't stop at the one you broke."

"You're right, I just…I feel foolish falling for such an obvious trap."

Sahir smirked. "Well you're no better than Adam falling for Eve."

Gohan laughed at his words. "I guess men are meant to be fools for women, huh?"

Sahir shrugged. "If I'm going to be a fool, it might as well be for a woman. Or at least, someone I love."

"And you say I should be a life coach."

Sahir chuckled. "Even therapists go to therapy."

Gohan smiled. "Well said. Thanks for talking with me, I feel a lot better. And thanks for not making it too embarrassing to talk about." He stood from his desk and stretched. "It's ramen night at the dining hall. You wanna go? We can take the Nimbus."

Sahir stood as well going over to the door. "Of course. I've been eating with Erasa all week, but it's nice to have my brother back for ramen night. Did you know she was a vegetarian as well?"

"That reminds me, what did you and Erasa do after the party?" Gohan asked, following his roommate out the door.

Sahir looked back at Gohan with a smirk. "I'll tell you over ramen."

Videl sang quietly as she made her way back to her dorm. Her time with Dende had been more enlightening than she thought. Even their conversation over lunch was moving. It lifted her mood higher than it's been all week. She felt better than a lifted mood. She almost felt like she was flying. She felt renewed.

Once back in her dorm room, she continued to sing an old hymn her mother used to sing. Videl opened the curtains to her window, looking out at the setting sun that warmed the courtyard below. She felt a way that she hadn't felt in a while. The feeling was so good it made her sing. She couldn't remember the last time she sang.

What was this forgotten feeling? Her confidence didn't feel false, her happiness was genuine, her mind was calm, and she was singing again.

She felt like she had just left Sunday service with her Mother. She felt like her dress was too poofy, and like her socks didn't need ruffles. She felt like she could still hear the choir songs ringing in her ears. She felt like her faith was restored, like she had found her spirit again.

She wanted to keep this feeling, and never lose it again.

"I know it's been a while," Videl spoke quietly as she gazed beyond the warm sunset. "I thought you weren't listening. When I prayed every night for my mom to get better, and you still took her from me, I didn't know what to believe. I just knew I couldn't keep believing." She gave a shaky sigh before continuing. "But now I know. I know without faith, I am graceless. Without guidance, I am blind. I need to be guided into grace again. I have lived bitter and full of misguided hate for long enough. I want to calm my mind, and clear my heart, for the sake of my own soul."

Videl paced around the room as she continued to speak. "I've met a boy who lifts my spirits, and makes me feel whole, but I fear my gracelessness has ran him away. I fear my spirit will not be enough to keep him. Son Gohan is an angel on earth. He is the most handsome man, and grace flows from his lips. I know he is blessed, and will be blessed, forever.

Please show me grace again. Replenish the kindness in my heart. Please humble me again, for the sake of Son Gohan. Strengthen our relationship in spirit. Expel all negativity, and grow what keeps us connected." She sighed as she finished her prayer. It was better than nothing, at least it made her feel good. She just hoped it worked this time.

Videl paused her pacing, and looked up at her ceiling, a slight frown on her face.

"And just so we're clear, you're on short notice. I better see results, and soon, or the Devil's got a new errand girl."

A/N The last scene of this chapter with Videl is very personal. As in, more of my personal experience growing up in church. Puffy dresses, ruffled socks, and white Mary Jane's were the uniform for a little girl in church lol

I hope everyone religious and non-religious can take away from this chapter. Everyone should do something to center their mind body and soul. Whether it's prayer, journaling, or therapy. Your spirit and soul are who you are, and your mind and body are nothing without a soul attached. Please love yourselves, listen to yourselves, and heal yourselves.

Until the next chapter.