Hachiman saw no reason to reject. Or rather, he saw more reason why he should afford the risk. At worst, he gets knocked out for a few minutes (true story, according to Father). Anyway, if he rejects her, Hachiman not only has trouble concentrating in the class but is damn near impossible to work.
Miracle cure, probably not. Every bit can help, though.
So Hachiman follows her to the infirmary. For some reason, there was something sweet about her today. Something smell? Perhaps she's wearing a new perfume.
And it fits so well that Hachiman felt slightly aroused by her presence. He slapped himself and gained control of his mind again.
"So tell me your problems again."
"I have 8 hours of sleep yet feel exhausted. My body feels tense and tired. But it doesn't feel hurt, except for a few parts. And those are not injuries either..." Hachiman replied. "Why, you're a certified professional?"
"No, but that sounds awfully like mental stress, not physical fatigue."
Shiki wasn't really wrong. Hachiman might have bitten something he can barely chew and almost certainly well above his pay grade. Hachiman didn't do this out of obligation or money, but it's still hard to digest.
Plus, there was the fact that recently, Hachiman didn't have alone time.
"You might be right, but who knows? I'll visit a doctor when I have free time. But I can't afford to miss a workday, not this week." Hachiman honestly told her.
"You are correct. I'm no professional, but I know the right stuff to mitigate your problem until you have that free time."
Shiki picked something from the infirmary fridge... which she somehow had an access key to. It looked like a glass jar of piss, to be honest. But when she opened it, a strong fragrance came out.
"It's made of herbs, roots, and fruits. I can guarantee there's no poison. Taste it."
It tasted like... ginger? Probably more than just it. It tastes weird but not awful. In fact, even though the drink was cold, Hachiman felt a sense of warmth within his body. Spreading the way to the tip of his fingers.
Hachiman feels hurt a little less. It's not drastic, but Hachiman feels a little better.
"Tastes like some grandpa's drink." Hachiman comments. "Very comfortable, though."
"Because it is. It's a pain relief drink, but clinical studies show the recipe has natural anti-stress and anti-depressant components."
"Anti... depressant?"
"How much time do you spend under the sunlight, Hikigaya-kun?" Shiki winked. "You wake up, go to the library to read and do homework, go to school on a motorcycle in full gear, go back from school, and go to the office cooped up for hours."
Of course, the local stalker would know, though Hachiman's routine was alarmingly predictable. Sadly, she was way too convincing. Perhaps Hachiman had been depressed for years at this point. But he was never pushed to the brink like these days.
Hachiman enjoyed life too much, even in the depth of his despair. Not a single second that Hachiman had suicidal thoughts. If it was a depression, it must be a pretty mild case.
Or Shiki was wrong. And he was not depressed, but rather, it was something else.
"Usually, your body stays strong enough to fight it, and you're too busy to pay attention to your worries. Now that your body got pushed to the point of collapsing, your brain can no longer hide the monster inside..." She grimly pointed at her own head. "Mental illness hits you the hardest when you're physically weak like this."
"...You're just guessing wildly?"
"I only guess the most likely cause, but I DO know a few professionals that can give you a more reliable analysis." Shiki laughed and gave Hachiman a pair of business cards. "No scamming."
Hachiman read the card, and it seemed legit. Shiki recommended Hachiman see a pair of professional Psychiatrists and Psychologists. Hachiman isn't educated enough, but he knows the difference between them.
A psychologist focuses on verbal and behavioral therapy, while a psychiatrist may prescribe medication and physical therapy. Generally, Psychiatrists usually deal with more severe mental cases, but Hachiman really couldn't afford to play lightly.
No one in the office knows the depth and severity of his mental issues. That was why Shiki gave him this card. Shiki knows Hachiman doesn't like to take bets. Not when Komachi's debut is on the table. Hachiman could not afford to fuck up.
"I thought your father was a doctor, and aren't you some kind of Chemistry Genius among our age group?" Hachiman didn't read the details. However, Shiki once went to an American college on a related scholarship. "Why herbal tonic?"
"Don't you know? Aspirin was originally developed from people's biting on Willow bark, and Penicillin was born from an accident?"
"I've heard of the history of antibiotics, not on aspirin, though." Hachiman shrugged.
Shiki brought a small chalkboard from the corner and began drawing.
"The so-called herbal medicines are simply drugs that aren't isolated and refined to pure form. Even today, billions of dollars are spent yearly researching whether these herbs were considered placebo or have actual merits. Modern biochemistry made multiple breakthroughs in cracking their secrets."
"Do you know that humans have greater efficacy in taking organic compounds, unlike purified chemical substitutes?"
"Ah, it's like these overcharged vitamin B supplements with hundreds or even thousands of percent actual body needs? Most of it wasted as urine." Hachiman remembered some health articles in his mother's magazine. "Also, a high dose of vitamin C is less effective than a couple of fruits."
"Exactly. Even so, people in the Pharmaceutical Industry had to consider two factors. Consistency and risk. Purified drugs and supplements might have low efficacy, but they have measurably consistent results and potential side effects."
Ah. That was a pretty enlightening conversation... but still far away from the original topic.
"So basically, you're treating my depression with this." Hachiman looked at the glass jar of herb tonic. "But you're unsure whether it's effective?"
"Buzz, it's because it would be troublesome if I give you prescription drugs, no?" Shiki pouted and made a sign of the cross with her index fingers. "This recipe passed clinical trials, though, so it's not completely worthless."
Now, that's the answer from this person! She had her legal ass covered because herbal supplements aren't as strongly regulated.
"Of course, I also think that biochemistry is a fascinating subject. It's far, far more complicated than fundamental chemistry." Shiki pushes him down the bed. "Don't you know? I'm wearing pheromone perfume, so why aren't you affected?"
That explains why Hachiman felt she looked way sexier than usual despite being dressed the same way. Really, she's a beautiful girl, to begin with, but perhaps the word 'irresistible' would be apt to describe her now.
But Hachiman felt nothing, not at the moment.
"I was, at first. Your herbal medicine killed my libido, that's why." Hachiman pushed her face away. Hard enough that she almost falls off the bedside.
"Guh, now I feel so much regret." She frowned angrily, clearly dissatisfied. "I was thinking of testing my pheromone neutralizer just in case you're making a move on me."
Does she have a pheromone neutralizer?
"The line between a genius and an insane person is thin, huh?" Hachiman surrendered in response to her argument. "Thanks for the tonic, either way."
Perhaps there's more to her than she shows. And frankly, Hachiman never gave her a chance to prove herself. Ichinose Shiki might not be some weirdo with a smelling fetish. At least, that's just one part of her identity.
Unfortunately, for some reason, Hachiman started to feel sleepy and yawned. It would be impossible to continue this conversation with a clear head.
"Ah, the relaxant is taking effect." Shiki stuck her tongue out. "I'll inform your class you're resting in the infirmary."
"...Can you guarantee that my chastity is safe?" Hachiman suddenly felt frightened.
"It's fine! It's fine! go to sleep, darling!" She mimicked Kanade and threw an exaggerated air kiss at him. Which he swatted aside. "Don't forget to make an appointment later!"
"Yeah. Yeah." Hachiman decides to cover himself with the blanket.
As Hachiman found out, Shiki and her group are making a small tour of neighboring prefectures and won't be here for the rest of the week. It was oddly peaceful yet unsettling for him not to meet these five girls who were always around, or at least some of them would.
Things also got quiet with the boys. Everyone is working hard as usual, though.
青春 の輝かしいステージ ひどく明るい感じ
The Shining Stage of Youth feels awfully bright
(Oregairu/Idolmaster - Cinderella Girls)
Original Story by: Watari Wataru/Bandai-Namco
Written by: ZeroXSEED
Chapter 12 - Unbalanced
Hachiman decided to make an appointment at 04.00 PM on Saturday. Of course, he did this with full knowledge of his bosses. Starting with Chihiro, that is.
"Psychiatrist? Are you alright?"
What's with normies and asking a question they know the answer to already? Sometimes, the so-called politeness is really just an empty talk. And sometimes, it's an obfuscation of problems.
Granted, Hachiman knows that Chihiro's concern is genuine. And the fact that Hachiman felt irritated by the issue is a sign that something is wrong with his brain.
"I'm not alright, but that's why I decided to go..." Hachiman said. "It was important to find the root before it can fester."
"...You're quite a brave one, aren't you?" Chihiro's face softened. "Not many people are willing to seek professional help at all, let alone do it on their first opportunity."
"My parents aren't exactly stellar examples, to begin with..." Hachiman smirked. "But at least they won't feel embarrassed about their son getting admitted to Hospital for a stupid reason."
They're not really the type that saw problems in their children and told them to suck it up and tough themselves. The silver lining in parental neglect is the lack of toxic micromanagement.
Of course, they got somewhat better recently. As Hachiman and Komachi found out, they're detached so much from life that they can only play the good parents with the scope of their jobs.
They suck, but people don't get to decide where they're born and raised. And Hachiman knew he could've been sucked into a worse family situation.
For example, like Yuutarou's...
Chihiro sighed in relief. "I guess Chief Producer is a very tolerant person."
"Except to other men." Hachiman pointed, half-joking.
"You know? Speaking of the higher-ups, the Director sure is fond of you." Chihiro laughed. "The interns keep whispering about it."
The Interns are college students who are doing internships in 346. Since their age isn't too far apart, there's a lot less professional dynamic at play.
Naturally, their relationship isn't always great.
Especially in the light of Hachiman's blatant family connection, which he used to get into the company at such a young age...
"Hearing that from two-faced ass-kissers must have been hilarious..." Hachiman muttered. "I don't think they understand what they're talking about. In Director's eyes, I'm just an opinionated yet ultimately obedient child."
"Hmm? I think those reasons are why the Director is fond of you. The other kids don't look up to her like you do." Chihiro poked him teasingly. "Are you being a Tsundere or what?"
Well, that's true. The young and impressionable interns really don't like how Mishiro treats them and the Idols. There was a time when Mishiro wanted to fire Abe Nana -an Idol from Chiba- due to her reliance on gimmicks and overall poor stage performance.
Hachiman could easily say that Mishiro was being coldly rational, and she stated the facts. But it was also because Hachiman didn't know about Nana until recently.
Hachiman knew he could never stay composed if Mishiro tried to pull that on Komachi. He'll probably go apeshit.
Even so, Mishiro is one of his biggest sponsors in the office. Hachiman would have been in a more precarious position. Had it not for Mishiro's impersonal yet welcoming attitude.
Hachiman owed her.
And as she said, Mishiro hates a crappy investment.
"It is amazing that someone in the office can balance my father's bottomless idiocy. That's why I respected her a lot as my superior." Hachiman shakes his head. "But that's all there is."
Ultimately, the distance was too far for Hachiman to change his perception. That Mishiro Joumu is out of touch most of the time and a downright loathsome person sometimes.
In an industry where trust and feelings between idols and their Producer are critically important, someone like Mishiro looks downright like a villain. The closer Hachiman is to the Idols, the stronger these impressions become.
Hachiman felt that was quite unfair on his part. Yet, Hachiman was too young and too powerless to see her eye to eye.
Hachiman knew that. Despite their frequent and sometimes disastrous disagreements, his father saw Mishiro in an opposite light than others.
Because his father is a veteran Idol producer with experience in climbing back from the depths of hell, he can understand where Mishiro came from. Mishiro also returned the respect in kind.
No use pondering it now since Hachiman is just a lowly Production Assistant.
"What about you, Senkawa-san?"
"I felt that the Director has softened a lot since her arrival. I believe that the Hikigaya family is a positive influence on her." Chihiro confidently smiled at him. "And for that reason alone, I will support your plight."
Ah, Chihiro could look childish, unreliable, and powerless at times. But she's really an adult woman and a competent secretary. No wonder she became Father's personal secretary at such a young age.
Or rather, Chihiro was already there since his father started to pick up the pieces and became an ace producer again. Chihiro also helped Hachiman fit into the office regardless of their early mishaps.
"Thanks, Senkawa-san."
It didn't take a long time for Hachiman to reach the Clinic that Ichinose suggested. It was not a large facility, so to speak. But from Hachiman's research, it was a very reputable Clinic with semi-famous Mental Health doctors in Tokyo.
Other than the Psychiatrist, there was also a Psychologist, a Neurologist, and a Physiotherapist opening practice here.
"Excuse me, I have an appointment..." Hachiman said as he arrived at the registration counter. "Hikigaya Hachiman."
"Hikigaya-san, yes, you have an appointment scheduled."
It didn't take much time for Hachiman to finish the registration process. He only waited ten minutes and then got called in. Usually, getting an appointment on the weekends could be troublesome. No doubt that Shiki played some part in that.
A young, beautiful doctor greets him with a wide smile. Her name is Amagi Ryou, a Psychologist.
"Welcome, Hikigaya-kun. It's unusual for someone so young to come alone... excuse me for my frankness." She welcomed him. "But I can confidently say it's the right decision."
The doctor was very earnest and even passionate, perhaps knowing that most people who came were either afraid or withdrawn. Making the patient open up is the first step to proper medical diagnosis.
"Yes."
"Well then, shall we hear your stories? You're a co-worker of Ichinose Shiki-san, are you not? There must be a lot of juicy stuff."
"That's right, then I suppose it's safe to say I'm working in 346 PRO."
Hachiman, of course, didn't tell her the details. However, Hachiman explains his arrival to the company three weeks ago, his schedule of jobs, what his jobs entail, and so on.
Occasionally, the doctor asked him a seemingly unrelated or at least mundane question. Hachiman was aware enough to realize the doctor was indirectly asking about his mood and feelings, and he answered them without hiding anything.
This conversation keeps going on for almost twenty minutes flat. And the doctor made a lot of notes on her report.
"I really like it that you're so open, Hikigaya-kun." Dr. Amagi nodded at him. "I think there are a few kinks to sort out... it's certainly no depression. In fact, you're pretty chipper and eager to return to your daily routines, right?"
"Uh, well."
For some reason, this part is what actually makes Hachiman super embarrassed. His red face says it all!
"I could say in full confidence that what you experience is a combination of physical stress and mental shock. Coming to a new environment, meeting new people, and many things pushed your tolerance to your limit. However, while your mind can keep up, your body cannot."
"It is no mere fatigue, so I'll let Dr. Tsukahara explain the rest next room." She smiled at him. "I shall wish for your swift recovery."
"Thank you very much."
Hachiman got out of the room. And it doesn't even take a minute until he is called to the next room adjacent to it, where Dr. Tsukahara, the Psychiatrist, resides.
She gives him an explanation that's broadly similar to Dr. Amagi's.
"I'll give you some medication and supplements for stress and fatigue. However, there's no true replacement for taking a day off. From what you say to Dr. Amagi, you never once took a day off, correct?"
"Well, yes."
"I suggest you rework your schedule and leave Sunday untouched. Even the busiest Salaryman still had weekends for them to look up to. And I'll be frank... you're supposed to keep this pace for three months... you will fall apart."
Dr. Tsukahara, to put it simply, isn't fucking around. In contrast to the very optimistic Dr. Amagi, Dr. Tsukahara showed a grave expression.
"You work 34 hours a week on top of 32 hours studying at school. People have died for less, whether it's a stroke, heart attack, or suicide."
Hachiman can't say anything in response to that. It is indeed brutal, putting it in context. And when Hachiman thinks again, this already taken account into an unofficial holiday that he had in say, Chiba.
"For your own good, I suggest you revisit your contract. 20 hours on weekdays and 7 hours on Saturdays is already pushing it. Students aren't supposed to work for more than 28 hours a week. In fact, it's illegal for Foreign students on Visa to work more than 28 hours a week."
Since Hachiman is a native Japanese citizen, he's exempt from such limitations, with work hours limited to 40 hours a week being allowed legally.
Regardless, he couldn't ignore the doctor's advice, especially when she delivered it with such strong emotion.
As if she takes it personally.
"Since what I'm saying just now is a breach of etiquette, I hope you understand that I'm not telling you lightly."
"I understand." Hachiman nods with a resigned face. "Aside from that..."
"Ah, yes, your lack of physical exercise... you need to remedy it and do some light to moderate exercise for 30 minutes daily. You should avoid doing heavy exercise. As for your motorbike-related problem, it's not such a bad thing."
"Huh?"
"Motorcycling isn't an energy-free activity. For your physical fitness, your new bike is better than your old one since it puts more work on your muscles. Just make sure to always warm up and stretch to avoid sprains."
Hachiman nodded in understanding.
"Please come back in two weeks. Hopefully, we can see major improvement by then. I'll write up a letter of recommendation so that your boss will not take it lightly, either."
After paying for the prescription medicine, Hachiman has only one thing left.
Going back to the office and reporting this to someone...
...
Hachiman decided that going straightforward and meeting the real boss might be the best thing to do. That is, his father.
"Senkawa-san, can I appoint some time to meet my father?"
"What's with the formality?" She laughs. "Oh right, how was the result?"
"It's not fatal, but it could be if I keep pushing myself too hard." Hachiman smiled. "That's why I have to talk with him in a formal capacity as his subordinate."
"Right, then I'll inform him." Reading the weight of Hachiman's smile, Chihiro understood Hachiman was talking about something related to his job. "...Don't tell me you're going to quit?"
"Don't even joke about that."
Chihiro looked relieved when she heard that. "I'm glad. I feel your presence has motivated the Chief Producer to be more focused and productive."
"Meh, I'm sure Komachi is more than enough motivation for him to do that."
"Well, it's not just him. The Idols also work harder when you're around. We can't afford to lose you." Chihiro rubbed her hands jokingly. "That would be unprofitable."
"Gee, what am I, a walking eye-candy?" Hachiman hissed in response. Seriously, anyone who went to Otomejoshi didn't have a shortage of fancy boys to look at!
Hachiman managed to reserve a meeting at 5 PM that day. When he comes to his father's office. The atmosphere was a bit tense.
"When you asked Chihiro-san for a formal appointment, I almost lost my cool. However, if you decided to take this seriously, I would do the same." Chief Producer grinned at Hachiman. "What do you need, Hachiman?"
"I got a recommendation letter from my Doctor... though perhaps a warning is a much more honest term..." Hachiman told his father and politely handed out the envelope. "Please take a look."
His father tries hard to hide it, but it's clear that he's super anxious about it. In contrast, Hachiman looked downright stone cold.
"...Stress from overwork and school." His eyes sharpen as the Chief Producer focuses on the letter content. If he still had a conscience, he would not brush it off as something Hachiman had to deal with on his own...
But Hachiman also doesn't want his father to play favorites. He WANTED to be treated as a regular employee.
"I see. To begin with, the office doesn't have regular operations on Sundays. Yet, Sunday is when you usually work the hardest. I don't think adults can stand that for an extended time." His father rubbed his chin, thinking. "So, what do you think I should do with this?"
"Maybe I'll be reassigned to the seat near the windows... Sir." Hachiman said without humor in his voice.
"Hey, our company isn't a black company. But the Director isn't very kind about unproductive and unreasonable employees. She chased them out, regardless of how bad her image ends up by doing that."
How very like her. Hachiman is glad that he didn't send this letter straight up.
"Here's the thing. I have advice as a boss and as a father. Which one you want to hear first?"
"The former, please?"
"Hold on until at least next Friday. Then we can change the details of your contracts after your payday. It can be easily done since both parties agree with the details. I'll have Chihiro-san deal with the Human Resources."
"Besides, you're paid by the hour. Even if you cease working on Sunday, that's not a lot of financial loss for the company. However, if you stop immediately, it will mess with the workflow and also your team's pace and schedule."
Huh, that was a surprisingly reasonable compromise. Hachiman only has to hold out for one more Sunday and stop doing it starting in May.
"I'd like to ask what you thought about it, personally."
"I'm really thankful for the lenience granted to me." Hachiman bowed. "It's a perfect solution."
"No, I should rephrase that." His father clasped his hands. "How do you feel about it, Hachiman?"
"Personally, I'm actually a little sad. I began to understand why people can be workaholics to the point of hurting themselves. Especially for someone precious to them." Hachiman rolled his eyes aside.
Because people who worked hard felt that they did something meaningful. Doubly so since Hachiman had a very personal and concrete goal working here. Even for a lazy sleazebag like Hachiman, the feeling of actually being productive is addictive.
"Ah, that's right. That's the best feeling there is." Chief Producer nodded in agreement. "But many people lost themselves because they end up working hard for the sake of working alone. I sincerely hope you will never become that boorish of a person."
Hachiman raised his eyebrows. Is he speaking of personal experience?
"I know how it feels." His father said without shame. "It was pretty painful when your own kids started to treat you like a stranger."
Oh, so at least he's self-aware.
"But even worse is when you lose what makes you sacrifice your family."
Huh?
"Do you know Dunbar's hypothesis?"
"A person can maintain between 100 to 250 stable relationships at any time, measured based on human brain size to other-ape groups..." Hachiman replied.
"Correct. How many Idols are in 346 Production at the moment?"
"If I didn't miscount, more than 90 when combined together."
That is, combining everyone who debuted and people who haven't.
"Do you know of the second part of Dunbar's hypothesis?" His father suddenly turned dark and weary.
Hachiman widened his eyes in realization as he recited the content. "An average person devotes 40% of their time to no more than 5 people and 20% to 10 more."
This is the so-called core social group, which includes family and cliques, where a person devotes more than two-thirds of their time to 15 people or less.
Ah, so it's like that.
"...You're getting estranged from your own Idols?" Hachiman finally said the quiet part loud.
"Everyone wants me to be their Producer, but I can't be everyone's Producer. Disregard whether it's something I want to do. I simply can't. At that breaking point, I realized I kept running away from my family problems. I used them as a distraction, thinking I could erase my guilt by supporting them."
"And that's why you decided to bring Komachi in." Hachiman finally understands his father's real motive.
"Not at all. Your mother was the first to notice Komachi's talent. Perhaps had been for a long time, but she never acted on it." Chief Producer pondered aloud. "You and I know that she despised Idol world."
Ah, that was true. Hachiman's mother was one of the last surviving 'Dark Age' Idols, who retired right as the Idol World experienced upheaval and resurgence in popularity.
"Many people in this company also see potential in Komachi and ultimately use her to accomplish their goals. Komachi is fully aware of this, but she would never be a tool for anyone."
Ah, so he used this chance as an opportunity to make amends. Hachiman had a vague idea, but now he understood the full scope.
"But Komachi wasn't the only one." His father laughed. "That one time when Chihiro-san came to our house, she saw you helping Sachie-san fix her borked documents. She asked if you're working part-time as a clerk because you sure don't type like a high school student."
So that was the actual reason Hachiman got roped into this job. Hachiman hated it the most because his talent and abilities made him a perfect Salaryman!
"Not being able to see potential in my own children, I can never forgive myself for that."
Hachiman's father has a lot of faults. But in this part, Hachiman thinks his parents are only partially to blame.
"I spent years hiding and running away, and Komachi does what Komachi wants. And frankly, I have no reason to try to impress you or Mother."
Hachiman knew that it hurt for the Chief Producer to hear it. But Hachiman had to tell him that.
Their parents neglected them for years, which resulted in Hachiman and Komachi giving up trying to get their attention and achieving anything of note. It was a vicious cycle of indifference. It caused the family to fracture, completely starved of love.
"We have a reason to do that now, so please keep watching for us from that seat." Hachiman cockily grinned. "But let me make it clear. We don't want special treatment because we are your children, Father."
"Of course." Hints of warm color and a slight smile returned to the Chief Producer's pale and tired face. "Prove to everyone that you two earned your place here."
Chief looked at his wristwatch and said to Hachiman. "You can leave now and have a good rest."
Hachiman nodded. "Please excuse me."
"Wait, I almost forgot to tell you, we'll have a family dinner tomorrow. So come with Komachi to our new apartment. You haven't been there since you came to Tokyo."
"Uh, yeah. I know the address, at the very least."
Wonder if Mother will cook herself or order something expensive instead. Either way, Hachiman had very little doubt of her sense of taste.