2414 kilometers or 1500 miles if he was going off the U.S. measurement system. That was the distance from Prescott, Arizona to Heartland. Whatever the case, it was far, too far, and he could not wait to get home. Home. He was almost there. As long as the drive was, he preferred it to sitting in the all-too-annoying rental house he'd left a few days ago to head north. After his heart attack, Jack was just glad to be back to some semblance of normalcy and hoped that things at home could return to normal too. He'd hated being pampered at home, sadly knowing that the 'highly encouraged' respite in Arizona would be better than being pestered 24 hours a day at home. Now, after a month of that respite, he wasn't so sure. Well, yes, he had no interest in being under the watchful eye of Lou, Amy, Georgie, and Tim at home, but the silence and solitude of this trip had been its own agony.

Unfortunately, Jack had only himself to blame for that.

Life without HER was miserable, but he had done what he needed to do on that front. Still, it didn't make it any easier. Now that he was returning home, Jack hope to pick up the pieces and put his attention and effort into the ranch, particularly the cattle. He and Tim were getting along pretty well, shock of all shocks, and last November had talked about increasing their cattle numbers. Now, it seemed like a good time to do that. Even if something happened to Jack again, Tim could and would handle all the cattle. Tim was always looking for ways to expand, a new scheme to be had, not that taking on more cattle was a scheme. Anything that Jack could throw his thoughts into was better than having all this time on his hands to think.

Regarding his personal relationship with a much younger blonde over the last six years, regardless of what vibe he'd given off to most around Hudson, he had loved, no he did love Lisa much more than he had ever expected and knew that breaking things off with her was for the best-for her best, at least. He had always hidden his feelings, sometimes even from Lisa herself, but deep down, he really did love her. Man, he loved her. That had really surprised him after decades of loving Lyndy, but deep in his soul, he did love Lisa and knew she loved him. Life was funny, sometimes, how it threw curves, and Lisa had been the biggest surprise of his life. While they now needed to go their separate ways, he was glad he'd had six years with her, six years of loving her and being loved by her because she was special. Women like Lisa didn't just come around, and he only regretted that too many things were in play that made anything further between them too complicated. Sometimes, loving someone meant living life without them, crazy as it sounded.

Jack was old, and now, after this heart attack, there was no telling what the future looked like or might hold. Most don't think about their own mortality too much; it's too morbid, but once faced with something like a heart attack, well, you kinda have to at least think about it. Ending things with Lisa was the right thing to do. She was young-49-and had so much life ahead of her. He did not. He was 73 now, and his parents had not lived to be this old. How much longer would he live? He was on the downward slope of a steep roller coaster, and there was no telling when the ride would end. He didn't need to have Lisa dropping everything and sacrificing her career to take care of him, so he'd made sure to have a clean break there. Okay, it wasn't exactly clean. It had been messy, and when she'd walked out of the house after their argument over the stupid hospital bed, he'd never expected that to be the last he'd see of her. He really had expected for her to come around again a couple days later because that's what she did. That's what they did. He'd thought they could talk things through and just go their separate ways, but finally, after several days of radio silence from her, Amy and Ty had come in from town and said they'd heard Lisa had left-gone to France. Jack had finally picked up the phone and called the stable at Fairfield only to find out the same thing. He'd been to much of a coward to call her and end things properly and sadly, he knew why.

Jack was afraid if he talked to her again, even knowing that this was in Lisa's best interest, he wouldn't be able to let her go. Now, after a month and a half of no Lisa, Jack was feeling that agonizing pain and was so frustrated with just about every aspect of his life. Why did this have to hurt so much? She'd made him happy at a time in his life when he'd not expected to find any of that. He knew she was madly in love with him, and even though he kept to himself and others didn't see it, he was madly in love with her. Still, life with an old, broken cowboy, even possibly an invalid, was no life for her. He'd put her best interests first and knew that much of the last six years, he had not put her first, expecting her to just drop everything for him and for Heartland. Now, though, he'd made a decision and had put Lisa's best interest ahead of everything else. Without specifically telling her that, he just hoped she might figure it out and understand.

Sometimes, loving someone meant letting them go.

Now, on this long, dreary drive home, a drive where it had rained in the desert of Arizona-go figure, sleeted through Utah, and snowed through much of Montana and now into Canada, Jack had too much time on his hands, too much time to think specifically about Lisa, about how much he missed her, about how lonely he'd been not talking to her, and about how sad he was to think about her not being in his life anymore. He deserved it, though, this pain. She was too good for him and way too young. She had a long life ahead of her; he did not. He only hoped that she was enjoying life in France and starting over herself.

Hopefully, her version of starting over was better than Jack's. Truthfully, it honestly couldn't be worse.

After ending things with her and out of spite, he'd cancelled the lovely rental home Lisa had booked for them, a small farm ranch where they could have ridden most days, just the two of them, but going alone and staying in a place Lisa picked out what not his idea of getting over Lisa. The place he'd booked had turned out to be a very old townhouse in an equestrian community. Somehow, he'd missed all of that in the booking, but to be fair, his mind had been a mess, and he'd booked the first place he could find with riding access. He'd booked it because it had been a small place with access to stables to ride. He'd stopped reading after that, but he really should have continued. It was all of that, but most of the units for rent in the place were rented by snowbirds, who Jack apparently was this year, and it had been just a mess. He'd had neighbors on both sides of him when all he had wanted was solitude; he had wanted peace and quiet with maybe a trail ride each day. Well, the horses stabled there could barely do that. Most were older than the snowbirds staying on the property. At least he'd insisted on taking his truck, and with that, he'd done a lot of driving around the vast desert of Arizona. Funny, most people hated being out in the middle of nowhere, but he'd sought it out almost every single day of the past month.

Yes, it was good to be home or almost home. He was now back in Canada, and his old bones were feeling the cold. Jack had to admit the warmer weather had been pleasant, but he wouldn't want to be anywhere near that Arizona desert in the summer. No thank you. It was plenty hot enough in Prescott, and he'd been north of Phoenix. He shuddered thinking about just how hot it would be to the south of Phoenix and knew that was nowhere he wanted to travel.

With his white waffle undershirt, with his button up flannel over it and now his tan outdoor work coat added at the last gas station stop, Jack had no question he was back to the middle of winter. The truck was having trouble keeping warm, but he had continually patted the dashboard several times like he was coaxing it along.

Ahh, his truck. He loved it and had gone rounds with Lou and Amy about taking it to Arizona. They'd insisted he fly, but no, that wasn't about to happen. He hated flying and absolutely had to have his truck. He'd told the girls he was a grown man and could recover in whatever way he saw fit. It was either take the truck or he would have refused to go. Since his doctor had insisted on the trip, the girls had finally backed down and made Jack promise to call each day as he drove down and back. He had. He'd stayed at cheap motels on the trip, eyeing fancier places that he was sure he would have stayed at with Lisa. The plain, roadside motels had been fine with him. He didn't need much, just a clean room and place to shower and sleep. His meals had been basic, and it had felt good to not have to prepare most of them. With all the snowbirds around him, the local grocery store had a lot of pre-made meals. He'd taken advantage of that, again, not really caring too much about his diet. He was a simple man. Breakfast was always several cups of coffee, maybe some toast and a couple eggs. Lunch was some sort of deli item from the store-tuna salad, chicken salad, turkey sandwich, fried chicken, or something similar. Dinner was much the same, if he'd even mustered the strength to eat it. Sometimes, he had soup, and that really had become the staple for him because he could buy enough to last a couple of days. He'd rarely eaten out, mostly just on the days he was out driving around aimlessly or on these travel days, but even today, he'd picked up a turkey sandwich in Montana this morning before crossing the border and had worked on that most of the day. Frankly, he'd lost his appetite, not because of his heart attack, but because of his broken heart, and it would take time to get back to whatever normal would now look like.

His cell phone rang, and Jack almost jumped in his seat. That blasted phone. Why couldn't a man just have some solitude. Funny, that was all he wanted, but at the same time, he was hating it. Jack had figured it out, though. He didn't want to talk to people on the phone. He really didn't want to talk to people in person either. He didn't want to make friends with his new neighbors. He just wanted to be left alone, and really, the only person he wanted to tolerate was the one person he'd pushed away and wasn't talking to him at all.

With his eyes fixed on the snowy road, Jack fumbled around the seat for his phone. He picked it up and glanced at it, frowning with the 'Unknown' name. He chucked it back on the seat. He was barely willing to talk to people he did know who had been calling him. He certainly wasn't about to answer an 'Unknown' call. He was tired of getting them. He'd already gotten one this morning as he was leaving the motel in Kalispell, Montana. He'd gotten one yesterday too. Modern technology. No thank you. He hated it.

He almost jumped again as his phone rang again, and Jack had to pat around the seat to find the stupid phone he'd just thrown. He had a few empty fast food bags on the seat but finally found the phone and sighed, at least seeing Lou's name on the screen instead of that stupid, 'Unknown' as he'd seen earlier.

"Hi Lou, I'm fine, still driving, but I'm back in Canada."

"That's great, Grandpa," she told him. "I wanted to make sure the snow hadn't delayed you or anything. We'll have a big welcome home dinner for you tonight since you'll be home-"

"Lou, no, no I don't want that at all."

"But, Grandpa, you've had such a recovery, and we're all so excited to see you-"

"Lou, no, don't plan on me for dinner. It's almost dinner now, and with the snow, I'm going slow." The truth of it, at least for Jack, was that he had no interest whatsoever in a welcome home dinner. He would have preferred to arrive in the dead of night and climb back into his bed. He'd only kept up with Lou because she'd called him constantly, and he knew that she would have sent out the state police in the U.S. or the RCMP back here in Canada to track his truck down.

"Grandpa, it's already dark-"

"Well aware, Lou. I got a good start this morning. It's still a long drive, and I was at the border over an hour today. You know how it goes sometimes. I'm doing just fine. Need gas, so I'll stop for that and a cup of coffee. No big dinner, please. I just want to put all of this behind me and get back to work."

"Okay, fine, but there is a pie here for you. I didn't make it, but Val heard you were coming home. Rosalita sent over an apple pie, well, I mean, she made it. Val brought it by, assuming you were already home. She was heartbroken when I told her you weren't back yet and said she had a bone to pick with you for not calling her yourself to tell her you'd had a heart attack. You will be glad to know she said she has to leave for Florida in the morning, so I think you've escaped her for now."

"Well, at least I don't have to worry about Val showing up then for at least a little while. Eat as much pie as you want with dinner," Jack told them. "Appreciate the gesture, but don't worry about saving that for me. I insist." Jack sighed and shook his head. He'd gotten used to his favorite lady making pies, and man, they were spectacular. However, that favorite lady's name was not Rosalita, but going forward, it looked like her pies would be all he'd get. It was just one of the many, many things Lisa was good at, and after six years, Jack would have to try and put all of her wonderful qualities out of his mind.

"Are, are you sure?" Lou almost stuttered asking Jack that. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Lou, I'm fine," Jack sighed and shook his head as he drove. "Just not really excited about pie right now. Look, I need to focus on the road."

"Of course, you be safe, Grandpa. We'll see you when you get here. If the roads are too bad-"

"I know how to pull over and wait. I'm a grown man, Lou. Do not wait up. I'm going to take my time and be careful, still a ways to go especially on these roads."

"Okay, be safe. Bye."

Jack dropped the phone next to him, which was an improvement from the annoyance call when he'd thrown the phone. He put his turn signal on at the sight of the truck stop ahead and let out a long breath. He'd been driving for a couple hours and was ready to get out and stretch. The cold air and falling snow would be a shock to the system, but as he'd driven north, it had been a gradual change. He parked and bundled up, grabbing his gloves to pump gas. His phone rang again, and he groaned, almost wanting to turn around and go back to the middle of the desert, like that would stop the calls.

"Out of area," Jack said to himself with a shake of the head. "What does that mean? It means out of my thoughts. That's what it means. What did some flip switch when I crossed the border for all calls to start?" Jack didn't open his flip phone and tossed, it, tugging at his coat. Yes, even the cold weather was more appealing than getting back to reality and all the phone calls. Just before his heart attack, his phone had been ringing off the hook with his new job, and he had to admit, he would not miss all of those calls. They just needed to stop now.

Jack spent almost 40 minutes just inside at the truck stop. He'd freshened up and warmed up after pumping his gas, but as he'd been walking through the truck stop, he'd smelled the warm pot roast coming from the buffet. Now, with the thought of this or the thought of being grilled at home around the dinner table, he decided that the truck stop pot roast was his better option tonight. Plus, it was steaming hot; he'd just watched them put a new tray onto the buffet, so he got a table, got a plate, and sat down to enjoy his last meal in silence. He'd deal with the family tomorrow, no doubt about it, all the questions and prodding-wanting to know if he was feeling okay at every turn. All he wanted was for people to leave him alone and get back to normal.

His phone rang again, and he briefly thought about throwing it across the room, but he answered, seeing it was about his most recent job. He'd been working on the rodeo circuit with the planning of events before his heart attack. As enjoyable as the job had started, it had really started to consume him, and he planned to end things going forward with this call.

"Did you get my message?" Jack grumbled into the phone as his greeting.

"Well, good to talk to you too, Jack," he heard. "Look, I know you're back now after recovering from your episode."

"I had a heart attack," Jack said, waving his hand. "Look as much as I enjoyed the job and the travel, I think I am sticking with what I said-I just can't do this and run the ranch. I'm afraid you will have to find someone else."

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that, Jack, but you have to know, I had to try. You did good work, and I'm here to say that if you ever decide to jump back in, I'll be glad to have you."

"Appreciate that," Jack nodded as he wiped at his mouth. "I enjoyed the work, but I also am realizing my focus is at Heartland. Now, you have a good evening. I need to get going and finish this drive home."

"Oh, still not back?"

"Will be tonight. Lots of work to do starting tomorrow, but even this snow is telling me that I can't get to all the work yet. Good talking to you."

Jack hung up and sat back, crossing his arms. He was considering another plate of pot roast. It really hit the spot and lately, not much had. Yes," he stood and nodded to himself, he'd get another plate. Other than arriving back home tonight, he had nowhere else to be and really no one he wanted to talk to, at least no one he could or would call.

He didn't sleep well, especially after kicking Tim out of his room. Tim. Why in the world had that idiot taken over his room, and even worse, why hadn't he cleared out already? With little sleep after tossing and turning all night, he'd finally gotten up just after 4AM. Bundled more than normal, partly because he was still adjusting to the weather after a month in Arizona, Jack made his way to the barn, anxious to see Paint. Paint, his trusted companion and the reason Jack was still here, alive and kicking. Tim had told Jack now a few times that had it not been for Paint, he would not have seen Jack there on the ground. Yes, even at this early hour and with the snow crunching under his boots, Jack was eager to see his old buddy.

It was quiet in the barn, just how Jack liked it, and he made quick work of turning on the lights. Several of the animals seemed to be starting to stir, and Paint was there looking over at Jack.

"Hi there, old friend," Jack said stepping up to pet his favorite trail companion. He made quick work of feeding the horses and then decided he would give Paint a good brush. Jack paused as he turned and laid eyes on the saddle rack. Hers was there, just above Georgie's because well, Lisa was short, much shorter than Jack and still shorter than Amy and Lou. Jack sighed and ran his hand over her saddle. It had taken that spot for years now, and Jack actually felt his eyes welling up with tears at the sight of it. He shook those thoughts out of his mind and ran his hand over her saddle again before reaching for the brush kit. He wasn't sure what he would do with Lisa's saddle, but he had no intention of dealing with it yet.

His phone rang again, and Jack cursed at it as he pulled off his glove and dug it from his pocket. He might have words for Lou if she was calling him from the house at this hour. He held it at a distance; he hated wearing his glasses but was struggling all the time to read things without them.

This time, there was a number, not one he recognized, but he decided to answer it and tell the people to stop calling. It was barely 5AM. He immediately regretted answering the phone, not understanding a word. Quebec. All French. Of course, it was someone from Quebec. It was after 8AM there, and obviously, they didn't pay attention to the area codes they were calling to harass. Jack shook his head, but other than 'Hello' he didn't say more. He couldn't understand their French, had no intention of trying to understand it because whatever they were selling, he wasn't buying. He hung up, muttering under his breath.

He'd barely put his phone away when it rang again, and Jack considered throwing it across the barn. Knowing it would only scare the horses, he didn't and groaned seeing it was in fact, Lou.

"Grandpa are you at the barn?"

"Yes, Lou, started the chores. Why?"

"Oh, well, I got up, and your room was dark, but I could see the light on at the barn."

"Just me."

"I'll start breakfast. You need to eat, and I'm going to make sure you get on a good, healthy schedule. I have decaf coffee on, no arguments."

Jack didn't comment, but just nodded, and he finally promised Lou he would be in soon. This was exactly what he didn't want, early calls, people checking on him, people pampering him with food he didn't want.

Decaf coffee. Now, that was a new low, one that he wasn't even willing to stoop too. He'd deal with all of his "caretakers" today and after that, hopefully, things would return to normal.

He just wanted normal.

Right now, he was irritated-irritated with the family hovering over him, irritated with these ridiculous spam calls he had been getting the last couple days, irritated with the cold weather because it was bothering his arthritis, irritated Tim had taken over the house, irritated he didn't have Lisa in his life, irritated he had come home to this frustrating life, irritated he couldn't call up his favorite person to just talk, and now, to add to the list-irritated he had decaf coffee waiting inside. Irritated didn't even describe it accurately.

Normal-whatever that was now, he was going to figure it out and fast.