Safekeeping
[The scene opens with a shot of Henry pulling a goods train on the mainline before it cuts to a pan away with Diesel 10 in a siding, picking up scrap from the side of the tracks with his claw and dumping them into the waiting trucks]
[Transition to Cedar Harbor as Salty is shown shunting flatbeds while Harvey is carefully picking up a crate, all while Cranky attends to a container ship waiting for its cargo to be unloaded. Rosie passes by Cranky with a train of vans]
[Transition to a pan-down of a tall building decked in red and gold, with the large shining logo on top reading "Hazbin Hotel". As we reach the entrance, several figures can be seen walking past the hotel, namely Waul, Fat Cat, James, Jessie, Meowth, Queen Hathor, Lupe, Lobo, Lance, Manfred, Silver, and Blaze]
[We cut to the interior as the hotel's owner; Charlie Morningstar, plops onto the couch with a heavy sigh]
Charlie: Haaaaaaaaaaugh, why do TV spots have to be so brutal?
[As if on cue, Alastor pops his head up from behind the couch, his signature grin ever present]
Alastor: Weeeeeell, my dear, this is why I don't associate with all that nonsense. Why face the humiliation of everyone being able to see your face when it's easier to just listen to one's voice?
[Cut to Vaggie sitting down]
Vaggie: You're not helping.
Alastor: Au contraire. I was giving our dear founder a reality check.
[Alastor "affectionately" pats Charlie on the head which makes her slump further into her seat]
Vaggie: Listen, Charlie, it's not your fault we got another bad deal on the air.
[Cut to Angel Dust sitting at the bar while Husker is cleaning one of the glasses]
Angel Dust: Actually, it kinda is. Ya' couldn't at least pick someone who ain't gonna make you look like a fool?
Vaggie: Angel Dust!
Angel Dust: What? You want me ta' lie? Sugarcoatin' ain't gonna make this any better.
[At that moment, Nifty suddenly pops up next to Angel Dust]
Nifty: I had fun! I got to be on camera and scan the audience for potential bad boys!
Husker: [blinks] You are so weird…
Vaggie: [sighs] Maybe some TV will help you feel better.
[Alastor's eyes narrow at the mention of "TV" as Vaggie takes the remote and the screen comes on to show a red curtain]
"Coming up on Tom and Jerry Talks, see the all-new interview with the crew of Hazbin Hotel!
[An instrumental recreation of the cat and mouse's signature theme plays as it shows their show's logo in blue and brown lettering. Cut back to reality as Charlie puts a hand on her face with anxiety]
[We transition back to what was recorded on the television as the audience claps upon seeing Tom and Jerry decked out in suits and sitting on a couch]
Tom: Welcome back, everyone, it's time for another juicy episode with your favorite hosts.
Jerry: Today, we're gonna be taking a look at the newest hotspot in town, and the people behind it.
Tom: What kinds of secrets will be unraveled? Let's find out with our first two guests; Charlie Morningstar and Vaggie!
[Charlie and Vaggie step out from behind the curtain as the audience cheers, politely waving to the crowd before they take a seat on the couch next to the hosts]
Jerry: Hello, ladies, so good to have you on board.
Charlie: Oh, hehe, the pleasure's all mine, sirs. I mean, sitting next to the Tom and Jerry?! I mean, it's an honor, really-
Tom: Alright, let's talk about yourselves for a minute. So, what inspired you to create this establishment?
Charlie: Well, I wanted to create a safe haven for sinners to rehabilitate them, that way it would help reduce the population issue.
Jerry: Oh yes, and how successful has that endeavor been?
Charlie: Business is actually going really well, we've gotten more attendees as of late, so our goal just might be paying off.
Vaggie: Yup, that's a bit of the Morningstar initiative for you.
[Cut to the hotel foyer where Charlie and Vaggie look at each other with smiles before the interview continues]
Tom: Interesting, so, how about you, Vaggie? What's your story?
Vaggie: Well, when Charlie posed the idea to me, I wanted to be there to support her. Went to all the business pitches, meetings, and TV spots cuz I knew how much this meant to her.
Jerry: That reminds me, you two have been quite the hot topic in the couple's department.
Charlie: Ah, haha…have we now…?
Tom: Indeed, now, while there are those gushing about how adorable you two are, there's also the opposite side of the spectrum.
[Cut to present Vaggie putting her hand between her eyes…or eye]
Vaggie: Oh god, no…
Jerry: Word has it that your relationship is considered as tasteful as, and I quote, "unseasoned chicken".
Vaggie: In that case, I'm sorry I don't make out enough with my girlfriend or have some stupid love triangle crap.
Charlie: I know our relationship is a bit…contentious to some people, but I do genuinely love Vaggie. I mean, we've been dating for years now, it has to count for something.
Tom: Through thick and thin it seems, even when it comes to secrets?
Charlie: What about them…?
Jerry: Isn't it true that Vaggie kept her identity away from you?
[Cut to present Charlie and Vaggie groaning while Alastor merely watches on with an unconcerned expression before we cut back to the interview]
Tom: One could say you seemed a little too eager to forgive her after concealing such vital information.
[Cut to the left as Charlie looks uncomfortable while Vaggie is glaring daggers at the hosts]
Charlie: To tell you the truth, it did hurt knowing that Vaggie kept this a secret from me. We did tell each other everything, even the bad stuff…
[Vaggie's expression changes to one of guilt as she looks down at the floor]
Charlie: But…I can understand why she did it. If I had known Vaggie was an Exorcist Angel, it's possible that I would have been reluctant to help her.
[Vaggie only looks away with shame. Then she blinks upon feeling Charlie's hand on her own]
Charlie: However, I'm of the belief that people are deserving of second chances. And no one deserved it more than Vaggie, after everything that happened to her…
Vaggie: [blushes] I know people might think I'm protective of her to…a ridiculous extent, but I kinda owe my life to Charlie. If she hadn't taken me in, I probably would have been left to waste on the streets…so I couldn't be more grateful for her…
Charlie: Awwww, Vaggie…
[Cut to Tom and Jerry looking unamused]
Tom: [to Jerry] Is any of this even usable?
Jerry: [to Tom] Maybe we'll have more luck with the next group.
[Cut to the present Charlie and Vaggie as they smile at one another…before cutting to Angel Dust groaning dramatically]
Angel Dust: They're right, this is so boring!
Vaggie: Piss off, Angel!
[Angel Dust grabs the remote and presses the fast-forward button as Chaggie's interview continues]
Angel Dust: "Yadda, yadda, yadda, I wuv you so much, diabetes galore," AH, this is where it gets good.
[The spider stops the recording on his and Husker's section of the interview]
Tom: So, Angel Dust, we hear that you're among the top stars in the underground industry.
Angel Dust: Yeah, ya' could say that I'm a class act. Lookit me, who could resist all this?
[Angel stretches his limbs out for effect. Cut to present Angel watching with satisfaction]
Angel Dust: Man, I do look good on camera.
Alastor: Hmmmm, that's rather subjective if you ask me.
[Angel scowls at Alastor before we cut back to the interview]
Jerry: It's a mystery to me…and Husker? You're the hotel's bartender, I presume?
Tom: Word on the street has it that he's got a bit of a thing for gambling.
Husker: Little bit ironic comin' from the two people sittin' next to me.
[Tom and Jerry flash a brief look of annoyance before composing themselves]
Tom: Now, Angel, we've been dying to know; what's the status on your relationship with Husker?
Husker: Hey! I didn't come here to bait the shippers!
Angel Dust: Dawwwww, don't be so gwumpy, Husky. That's what makes for good entertainment.
Husker: More like a whole bunch of nonsense.
Jerry: Which reminds me, Husker, do you think Angel oversteps your boundaries?
Husker: Is that a rhetorical question?
Angel Dust: Hey!
[Cut to the present as Charlie and Vaggie try to contact their giggling]
Angel Dust: [snorts] Yeah, well, screw you too.
[Cut back to the interview]
Tom: Which reminds me, Angel, do you think it's a bit hypocritical to invade personal space given your…working relationships?
Angel Dust: [angrily points] Is that meant to be a professional question?! That is nothing compared to what I do!
Jerry: Are you sure about that, you say that here, and yet you never seemed to respect Husker's boundaries.
Angel Dust: Listen, I may get a little handsy sometimes, but that's only cuz I want a good time. Valentino doesn't care what he does, I'm practically a ragdoll for him to throw about! You wouldn't be sayin' the same thing if you saw the shit I did, huh, would you?!
[Angel stands up from his seat as he points at the wide-eyed cat and mouse. Husker puts a paw on Angel's shoulder]
Husker: You alright there?
Angel Dust: [breathes heavily] Yeah, I just…sorry…
[Angel sits back down and looks at the floor solemnly, Husker glares at the hosts]
Husker: You two are complete assholes, you know that?
Tom: It's called interrogation, sweetheart. It's not our fault if people can't answer the questions we give them.
Jerry: Besides, we both know you can't stand it when he keeps touching you.
Husker: Whateva' happens between me and Angel is none a' your goddamn business! You know what, we're done here, come on, Angel.
[Husker stands up from his seat while Angel follows on, flipping the bird at the hosts, causing laughter from the audience before it cuts back to Tom and Jerry looking irritated before looking ahead to the camera]
[Cut back to the present as Angel sulks in his seat]
Angel: Piece a' shit hosts, who are they to compare me to Valentino?!
Husker: If this is the price of stardom, it's gone to their heads in fine style. No wonda' they can't get any good movie deals…
Charlie: Angel, are you alright?
Angel: I'm fine, perfectly fine…
[Angel rubs his shoulder uncomfortably]
Nifty: Oh, oh, oh! My part's on!
Alastor: And mine…if Vox knew about this, I would split his screen apart.
[Cut to Tom and Jerry having composed themselves to interview Alastor and Nifty]
Tom: The Radio Demon, eh? What kinds of dastardly things did you do to gain that high status?
Alastor: Oh, trust me, the details would be far too gruesome to describe for general audiences, hahaha, but then again, when do I ever care for people's safety? Hahahahaha!
Tom: Um…right…
Jerry: Anyways, and Nifty, you…clean?
Nifty: Oh, I do aaaaaaaaaall the labor around the hotel, I clean the rooms, closets, cabinets, drawers, safes, even the secret cupboards. No vermin can get past me, hehehe, no one.
[Nifty's pupil shrinks as her sadistic grin widens. Tom and Jerry appear genuinely disturbed before they continue]
Tom: AHEM, so Alastor, you're helping Miss Morningstar with the hotel…why?
Alastor: Oh, that's easy, dear chap. I simply want to see all the damned souls try to achieve salvation only to fall back to the fiery pits of despair…
[The background around Alastor darkens as his eyes and teeth glow]
Tom: Uhhhhhh, I think that's all the time we have for today, we-
Alastor: Oh? But we were having so much fun together. Don't you think it's a bit rude to cut off guests when they're speaking?
Jerry: But…you-
[As Alastor talks his eyes turn to dials and the screen begins to static]
Alastor: Do I need to teach you two some manners…?
[By the time the screen has returned to normal, Tom and Jerry have hidden behind their couch before the camera cuts back to Alastor]
Alastor: Well, would you look at the time, I must be going. Lovely to have been on this program, sirs, hahaha!
[The audience cheers as Alastor walks off the stage before it cuts to Nifty peering over the couch]
Nifty: Call me maybe, hehehehehehe!
[Nifty skirts off after Alastor as the cat and mouse peer over the couch]
Tom: …We are never letting them back on ever again.
Jerry: Agreed…AHEM, that's the show, everyone!
Tom: Tune in next week where we'll uncover the spicy drama between the Goetia Family! Provided they don't tear the stage apart…
[Icons of Stolas, Stella G., Octavia G., Andrealphus, and Paimon are shown over the curtain in post-editing as the audience cheers before we see the show's logo once more with the instrumental returning]
[Cut to the present as the TV is turned off. Charlie puts her hands to her face]
Charlie: Gooood, that was embarrassing. Maybe even more so than the Killjoy interview.
Alastor: Well, let this be a reminder that television is the root of all evil, and that I was right all along.
[Suddenly, a phone rings. Charlie picks it out of her pocket to reveal Loopy's icon. She presses it and puts the phone to her ear]
Charlie: Hello?
[A split-screen opens to reveal Loopy in the kitchen with Hokey mixing something in the background]
Loopy: Why, hello, mademoiselle, I saw your little interview on ze telly.
Charlie: Aaaaaah, haha, yeah…that.
Loopy: Do not disparage yourselves, I've been around long enough to know how those two work.
Hokey: Still waitin' on that reboot, Warner Bros!
Loopy: Haha, besides, I thought your section with Vaggie was magnifique.
Charlie: Ohohohohoho, you're too much!
Vaggie: Who's on the other line?
Charlie: Loopy De Loop.
Vaggie: Huh, put 'em on speaker, I wanna talk to them.
[Charlie presses the volume button so that Vaggie can hear]
Vaggie: Hey, Mr. Good Wolf, still living with the criminal?
Hokey: Cuz this one gives him nothing but the best.
Loopy: And I take it you are still teaching ze path of rehabilitation?
Charlie: On it as ever!
[At that moment, Ding-a-Ling hops over the counter to make himself noticed]
Ding: I'm here too!
Vaggie: Hmmhmmhmm, hey there, Ding.
Loopy: We really should meet up sometime, at one of ze' coffee shops, no?
Charlie: Ooooh, that would be great!
Vaggie: So long as Angel Dust can keep it in his pants.
Angel Dust: Hey, is it really my fault if a French Canadian is so attractive?
Husker: I'll give 'im this, he's a composed gentleman, which is sayin' a lot for all the shit he's gone through…wish I had some a' that…
Ding: I think da' roast is ready, Hokey.
Hokey: Hehe, well, we'd better get dinner ready, sweetcheeks.
Loopy: [blushes] Oh, Hokey, hehe, do not mind him.
Charlie: Hmmhmm, I don't mind him at all. Better let you get back to dinner all the same.
Loopy: Au revoir~
[Loopy hangs up the call as Charlie sighs contentedly]
Charlie: You know, I feel a little bit better after that.
Vaggie: Nice to see that precious smile return, you know I can't get enough of it.
[Vaggie affectionately pinches Charlie's cheek]
Charlie: Heheheh, stop~
Vaggie: When you stop being so adorable, I will~
[Pan over to Angel Dust as he looks away, trying not to appear jealous. He glances at Husker]
Angel Dust: May I~
Husker: No.
Angel Dust: Awwwwww, c'mon…you guys don't think…certain people saw that interview, do ya'?
Alastor: Oh, I've no doubt anytime I appear on television, Vox is frothing at the mouth.
[As if to prove his foresight, we cut to the Vees in their complex as Vox himself is swigging a bottle of wine]
Vox: Hahahaaaaaaa, you think you're tough shit, Alastor? With your little promotions, hehe, you and that irrelevant ass of yours…radio fucking sucks!
[Valentino bitterly grips his pipe]
Valentino: That little bitchcake has the gall to insult me on national television. If I could get to him outside the studio, I would rip him a new asshole!
[Velvette merely rolls her eyes scrolling through her phone]
Velvette: You two are taller than me, and yet you act like petulant children. And you wonder why I'm the backbone of this group.
[Cut back to the hotel as Charlie is shown organizing a stack of papers at the front desk]
Charlie: You know, there's another benefit to expanding our business. We don't just take in sinners, we can take in anyone with a checkered past.
[Charlie pushes a button to turn on the com]
Charlie: Everyone, front row, please!
Vaggie: I'm still a bit curious as to how you managed to pull this one off.
Charlie: Intuition, my dear; we let them stay in better conditions till they raise enough money to buy a new place.
[Cut to the stairs as a group of silhouettes are seen coming down before they file in a line in front of Charlie. Pan up to reveal the Suppression Squad from left to right; Scourge, Miles, Patch, Alicia, Buns, Boomer, and Rosy]
[Scourge looks over to the right as he notices Angel Dust giving him a sly wink, to which the green hedgehog merely scowls before turning back to the founder]
Scourge: What'd ya' call us down for anyways?
Charlie: I have great news! Each of you received a bonus in the mail, and I'm adding an extra bond for such good behavior recently!
[Patch looks over at Boomer]
Patch: Is she always this chipper? It's so unnatural.
Boomer: I'll take it over living in a dump.
Patch: Touche…
Scourge: Question, miss…why are you doin' all this for us?
Charlie: Well, you said you found the advertisement, this hotel is a place for people seeing shelter and rehabilitation. After all, I can't imagine it was comfortable in that dirty salvage yard.
[Scourge thinks back to that location…he grimaces at what happened during the Finitevus encounter]
Scourge: I suppose you're right there…
Vaggie: You're still not used to showing gratitude, are you?
Scourge: If you came from the place we did, you'd see why, but…I am…you know…
Charlie: I'll take it as it comes, here are your envelopes.
[Charlie hands each member two envelopes in rapid succession. Rosy tears hers effortlessly]
Rosy: Hehehe, oh, beautiful green salvation, my beloved.
Alicia: Huh, and to think I would already have this in my original position…I'm not complaining.
Buns: You truly are a genuine soul, Miss Morningstar.
Miles: It's almost ironic she's not an angel herself.
[At that moment, the door to the hotel opens, and in steps O'Nux with a basket, donning a violet ribbon on the handle]
O'Nux: Good day to ya' lot, came by to drop off a package fer these poor unfortunate souls.
Scourge: Bite me.
O'Nux: Rather not cuz ya' probably get off to it anyways.
Patch: He probably would.
Scourge: You wanna try me, patches?
Vaggie: Hey, no violence within the perimeter of the building.
[Scourge tries hard to resist the temptation of flinging shade at the manager before turning back to the echidna]
Scourge: It's…appreciated.
O'Nux: There, was that so hard?
Scourge: You have no idea…
[Scourge turns to face away, but he doesn't get far going up the stairs as Alastor has his eyes set on the green hedgehog from the first deck]
Alastor: You know, there's something about you that I can't help but find…intriguing.
[Alastor tilts his head with an audible bone crack, causing Scourge to pause]
Scourge: Uh…what?
Alastor: You're practically a mirror reflection of an existing person, and a culmination of their negative traits. It's a wonder how I didn't see you in hell.
Scourge: That's cuz I'm from a parallel universe, not the underworld.
Alastor: Hmmmm, maybe so, but I do see the potential…I've heard about your previous endeavors. You certainly have a track record that checks out.
Scourge: Oh, and I suppose you're the expert on snooping around people's personal lives?
Alastor: Let's just say, I've had a few…encounters in the gossip circle.
Scourge: [blinks] …Hold on, you don't mean-
Alastor: Oh yes, I know everything…
[The hallway behind Alastor darkens as his teeth and eyes glow. Transition to Finitevus' lair in the mountains as the echidna is shown having a cup of tea alongside Doctor Starline]
Finitevus: Why yes, it's a craft only someone like myself could accomplish.
Starline: And so you did, though rather bemusing where it ended up.
Finitevus: Ah well, it's none of my concern now. Wouldn't you agree?
[The camera pans to the right to reveal Alastor stirring his own cup with a spoon]
Alastor: Of course…after all, it must be taxing to keep that many hooligans under control.
Finitevus: I take it you have experience?
Alastor: Hahaha, oh, trust me, I'm more than familiar with the concept.
Starline: Interesting, how do you keep your composure?
Alastor: Same way you chaps probably do, holding your tongue and telling people what they want to hear. Though, from what I've seen, looks like they're down on their luck anyways.
Finitevus: Well, that's the price to pay being led by a street rat.
Starline: That, and being mere reflections.
Alastor: Oh, yes, such a shame, hmmmhmmhmm…
[The scene transitions back to Scourge looking slightly on edge from this revelation]
Scourge: …How did you find out about him?
Alastor: Oh, I like to keep tabs on all the biggest threats on this island, it keeps me entertained. But, not to worry, you'll be safe here…
[Alastor walks away, his unsettling grin keeping Scourge on the edge of his toes]
Scourge: …Creepy frickin' weirdo.
[Miles comes up next to Scourge]
Miles: I'm starting to wonder if this was a good idea.
Scourge: Be real; would you rather stay in a junk pile, or here where there's at least clean bedding?
Miles: True. Perhaps you made the right call…for the first time in forever.
Scourge: Watch your mouth, kitsune.
Miles: Still, I will admit, in spite of our hostess' rather…superficial demeanor, she was graceful enough to offer this place fo us.
Scourge: I suppose that's one good thing to come out of this experience. Guess you could say I'm…grateful to an extent.
O'Nux: Huh, didn't think that was possible.
Scourge: Where the hell do you keep popping up from?!
O'Nux: Call it instinct when ya've finally been humbled.
Scourge: Creep…
[At that moment, a loud bang can be heard across the hallway as it switches over to Nifty stabbing the wall as a flock of cockroaches try to climb up]
Nifty: Hehehe, you can't escape me, little bugs! I'll end you.
[Suddenly, a mallet is smashed against the wall, revealing it to be Rosy]
Rosy: I hate cockroaches…
Nifty: Ooooooh, can you do that again?!
Rosy: What, this old thing? Trust me, I could do a lot more!
Nifty: [lifts her dagger] Let's exterminate!
[Cut back to Scourge, Miles, and O'Nux looking at the scene with blank expressions as Patch and Alicia pass by]
Patch: Whatever you do, I want them as far away from my room as possible.
Scourge: You're asking me to keep a promise.
Patch: I have spare needles otherwise.
Alicia: Because that worked so well for you last time.
Patch: My accuracy has improved.
Alicia: Suuuure…
[Transition to Buns and Boomer turning into their own rooms]
Buns: Hmmm…it serves, don't ya' think?
Boomer: I'll give it this; these rooms are tidy for sure. And comfortable at that.
Buns: Indeed…
[Buns closes the door and goes to lie down on the bed, giving a content sigh]
[Scourge is shown turning into his own room, plopping onto the bed with a dramatic sigh as he stretches his arms out]
Scourge: Aaaaaaah…
[At that moment, Charlie pops into the room, much to the hedgehog's surprise]
Charlie: Hey, Scourge! Just wanted to make sure everything was alright with you.
Scourge: Uh…sure, everything's…fine, princess.
Charlie: Good, just checking.
[Charlie closes the door to reveal Vaggie standing beside her]
Vaggie: I think they're starting to come around.
Charlie: I told you, with enough intuition, you can make progress with those that have lost their way.
Vaggie: Hmmhmm, that's my girl~
Charlie: Well, I couldn't have done it without you~
[Charlie cups the side of Vaggie's face before leaning in for a kiss, to which the latter returns]
[We then cut to inside of Scourge's room as he looks out to the window. He then looks down at the ground level to see Tom and Jerry about to pass by the hotel. They take one look at the place, share an uncomfortable glance, and quickly skirt past Ranger Smith, Officer Dibble, Incineroar, and Arcanine]
[Cut back to Scourge]
Scourge: …Well, that checks out. But, either way, who am I to complain about some relief at long last?
[As Scourge closes the curtains, the scene pans down from the hotel as a streak of black suddenly whooshes past on the sidewalk, enough to send a poster flying through the air as it advertises "Coming to Anima" with a colosseum in the background]
[Cut to black]
Character Guide:
Charlie Morningstar, Vaggie, Angel Dust, Alastor, Husker, Nifty, Vox, Valentino, Velvette, Katie Killjoy - Hazbin Hotel
Scourge The Hedgehog, Miles Prower, Alicia Acorn, Patch D'Coolette, Buns Rabbot, Boomer Walrus, Rosy the Rascal, O'Nux, Dr. Finitevus, Dr. Starline, Silver the Hedgehog, Blaze the Cat, Lupe the Wolf, Lobo, Queen Hathor - Sonic the Hedgehog
Tom Cat, Jerry Mouse - Tom and Jerry
Loopy De Loop - Loopy De Loop
Hokey Wolf, Ding-a-Ling Wolf - Hokey Wolf
Stolas Goetia, Stella Goetia, Octavia Goetia, Andrealphus, Paimon Goetia - Helluva Boss
Cat R. Waul - An American Tail: Fievel Goes West (1991)
Fat Cat - Chip n' Dale: Rescue Rangers
Jessie, James, Meowth, Incineroar, Arcanine - Pokemon
Lance, Manfred - All Dogs Go To Heaven (1989) / The Series
Officer Dibble - Top Cat
Ranger Smith - The Yogi Bear Show
Henry, Harvey, Rosie, Salty, Diesel 10, Cranky - Thomas and Friends