"You're leaning too far forward. Stand on your heels more."

"That's a terrible stance, you can't kick from there."

"Waterbending doesn't use kicks, Katara needs core stability more."

Zuko and Suki were theoretically demonstrating unarmed techniques for Katara and Sokka, but they'd been butting heads over their different martial arts styles and philosophies for hours; or rather, butting heads over the time she'd ambushed him from civilian infrastructure and he'd burned her village, and using their martial arts as a pretext. Aang and Toph were resting, watching, to Zuko's annoyance.

"It could use kicks," Zuko argued. "Northern Water Tribe style doesn't, probably because you'd slip if you tried kicking on ice, but down here, there's no reason not to do it."

"Does it actually matter?" Katara asked. "It's a pretty small difference to the stance, and –"

"Yes, Katara, that's a fantastic idea, I'll show you the move without any useless hypercorrections –"

"I'm just saying," said Suki, "there exist martial arts styles other than firebending –"

Zuko threw up his hands and stormed away. "Then you show her yours and quit whining about my style, who cares that I took out you and two of your henchmen with one – oh what do you want!"

Joo Dee had popped up out of nowhere. "Sir Guo," she grinned, "Lady Katara, I have wonderful news! The tailors have finished your formal robes and delivered them to your home. You're now fit to attend the royal banquet and be presented to the court!"

"Tonight?" Katara asked, suddenly nervous. She glanced at the sun, already close to setting.

"Yes," Joo Dee beamed. "It is very fortunate that the tailors were able to finish both sets of clothing in time. Otherwise, you might have had to wait another two weeks or more for the next one."

"God forbid," Zuko said.

"Indeed! Please be punctual."

"We might as well head back," Sokka said, "there's not enough time for another set."

Zuko, who'd seen how long it took Ty Lee to get ready for formal events despite wearing an outfit he would have thought would take no more than thirty seconds to put on, for once didn't complain about them clocking off early.

"It'll be fine," Aang told Katara, picking up on her nerves. "They'll love you."

"If you say so … but I don't know the first thing about what you're supposed to do at fancy parties."

"You show off your courtly manners and flirt with anyone single," Toph said, "but this is you, so better just stand there and try to look pretty."

"Excuse me?" Katara said. "I don't have manners? If I had a penny for every time I've seen you pick your nose …"

"You'd have, what, two pennies?" Toph asked, pulling her finger out.

"Per day."

"I don't have manners?" Zuko said. "I'm a Prince! I'm higher-born than you are! I could sweep any girl off her feet if I wanted."

"You mean, if she wanted," Katara said. "When girls say we like the dark, brooding type, we don't mean sullen and grouchy."

"I was raised in the royal court of the Fire Nation," Zuko said, peering down his nose at her superciliously. "I can be charming."

"Really," Katara said. "Then prove it. Wow me with your great charm, Sifu Charmbender."

"Oh boy," said Aang, who could see where this was going.

"Yeah, let's see it," Sokka said.

"Yeah!" said Suki.

"This should be good," Toph said.

Zuko looked from one to the other.

"Alright then," he said. He cleared his throat, swallowed, and looked Katara intently in the eyes.

Okay, brain. What've you got for me?

Buzzzzzzzzz

Oh my god.

Hey, it's not my fault you've never tried to flirt before. Look, just be yourself. Girls are supposed to love authenticity, right?

"You have a nice," he began.

Nose?

No, that makes it sound like it's conspicuous and big. Girls are sensitive about big noses, aren't they?

Eyes?

We already said 'a', we can't switch to the plural now.

Mouth?

She'll think we want to kiss her.

Well then what? Chin? Forehead?

"… Yes?" Katara prompted.

"Face?" Zuko tried.

There was a beat, then everyone else fell about laughing.

"Stop it," Zuko said ineffectually. "I said stop laughing! It's not funny!"

Sokka finally got himself back under control.

"Oh, man, I needed that," he said. "You know, you're all right, Zuko."

My heart is a pool of crimson rage.

Oh, by the way, we could've saved it with 'Nice pair of eyes'.

Let's be realistic. Azula could've saved it. Uncle could have saved it. Even Sokka could have saved it. We would've slipped, complimented something else she has a nice pair of, and got slapped. Be thankful for small mercies.

"Anyway, that's not the point," Toph said. "I'm talking about manners. Like … which leg do you put forward when you bow in greeting to a major or lower rank, and which when it's a colonel or higher?"

There was dumbfounded silence.

"Exactly. It's not about being polite. It's about playing a game invented by people with literally nothing better to do with their lives than make up more and more rules about what you can and can't do. There are thousands of rules. It'd take weeks to learn enough to last ten minutes without a major faux pas."

"If you're just talking formal etiquette, I'll be fine," Zuko said. "I learned all that back home."

"You're a Fire Nation Prince," Toph corrected. "It's a completely different set of rules. But … let's make it interesting." She cracked her knuckles. "How about you prove, that you can blend in with us, at the Earthern Court?"

He blinked. There was something off about how she'd spoken her last sentence. "This is a word game, isn't it?"

Sokka grinned but didn't tell, so Zuko kept talking.

"And I'm supposed to figure out the rules …"

"You've already lost," Toph said. "I guess I'll give you a hint. Count my syllables."

Count your syllables? 'How about you prove,' that's five …

"She's talking haikus," Sokka said excitedly. "Five, then seven, then five more. These are so much fun!"

Zuko's eyes widened. He'd once seen a haiku improv group and tried to go along: Azula had laughed at him for days afterward. He was terrible at them and couldn't for the life of him see the point. They didn't rhyme or sound particularly good, so they weren't impressive, they were just a really awkward way of speaking.

"Are you a poet?" Toph asked Sokka with surprise. "I didn't know it was done, down at the South Pole."

"I learn real quick," Sokka said smugly. "One session was all it took. Princing is easy."

"His Highness Snoozles," Toph said, "of the Southern Water Tribe, but not Ba Sing Se. It's not just haiku, there are ten thousand by-laws. You can't learn them all. Not within three months, and you said we're leaving soon, we've got stuff to do."

"I can do this too," Zuko interrupted, speaking slowly and haltingly, double-checking his syllable count as he went. "I'll be at home at the Court."

Final line?

Should be a boast. 'I was born to it.'

No, 'It's a piece of cake.'

"I was born of cake," he declared.

They considered this.

"Uh, that's slang for someone who's very fancy," he added. "It might be a Fire Nation phrase."

"Are you sure you're a prince?" Toph asked suspiciously. "You haven't been brainwashed into believing it, or something? I know they do things differently in the Fire Nation, but you sound more like a trained assassin than a blueblood."

"Of course I'm a trained assassin," Zuko said, puzzled.

There was a pause.

"This explains so much," Katara said.

"What?" said Zuko. "You knew I was. That was how I broke Aang out of Pohuai, remember? Or you into the Spiritual Oasis, or here."

"I didn't know you were an assassin," Katara said, "I assumed you were just a creep. Silly me," she added sweetly.

"Someone should probably fill me in about that at some point," Toph said, "but let's stay focused. Sparky? In the Earth Kingdom, bluebloods aren't trained assassins."

"What?" Zuko said, flummoxed. "But – how does that work? What if you want to assassinate someone?" Katara looked at him askance. "Uh, I mean, what if someone wants to assassinate you?"

Wow, you're in top form today. clap clap clap

"You hire retainers as bodyguards," Toph said.

"But what if they are the assassins?" Zuko asked. "Or what if they're paid off, or if they're just terrible at fighting? If you want something done right, you do it yourself."

"If your bodyguards betray you, then you take your licks and don't make a fuss," Toph said patiently, "you don't skulk around in the dark with a couple of swords like a dork. Getting one's hands dirty is for the lower classes. This is part of why I choose not to behave properly."

"If we're done laughing at Zuko –" Aang began.

"Not in a million years," said Sokka.

"– Katara, if you get stressed, try saying Om. It's short for om mani padme hum. The Air Nomads used to say it before meditating sometimes, so you can say it any time and because you associate it with meditation, you relax." He reconsidered. "It'd probably work better if you'd said it before meditating, but …"

"I'll associate it with you saying it," Katara said with a smile, "and that'll be reassuring."

Zuko had ordered a changshan similar to that of the Dai Li, but dyed solid black other than a blue shoulder patch: his warrior instincts had clamoured for a drab brown-grey that wouldn't look darker than a shadow, but the tailor had talked him into getting something a little more stylish. He washed up, put it on, and swung his arms round. It was very comfortable and didn't restrict his movement.

Meanwhile, Sokka had an elaborate set of robes in blue silk, complete with a cane and broad-brimmed purple top hat with a peacock feather that everyone else had strictly forbidden him from wearing under any circumstances. Taking the opposite approach, Aang stuck with his orange robes, having said truthfully that Air Nomads rejected earthly luxury and untruthfully that these were formal robes anyway.

Forty minutes later, the girls were finally done. Flanked by Toph and Suki, Katara sashayed out of her room, wearing an elaborate changyi dress with Water Tribe blue, rouge on her cheeks, and flowers and Toph's ornament in her hair. Sokka wolf-whistled; she rolled her eyes, but couldn't help grinning.

Aang beamed, wide-eyed and puppy-stupid. "Oh wow, Katara," he said. "You look amazing!"

"How do I look?" Toph asked.

"Okay I guess." thwack "Ow!"

Katara's eyes flicked to Zuko, the only one who hadn't spoken or really reacted at all. "What do you think?"

"Um," he said, and the syllable carried a planetful of inadequately-veiled disappointment. "You look nice."

"…" said everyone else, backing off.

Katara glared daggers at him. "Augh! Kutabare!" He winced. "Come on, everyone, let's go." She stormed off; Aang, Sokka, and Suki went with her, giving Zuko You messed up looks as they went. The door banged shut behind them.

"What the heck was that?" Toph asked.

"I," Zuko said. "I was trying to be nice –"

"I said it more convincingly, she at least believed me for three seconds before she remembered I'm blind! And nobody else had to lie; why couldn't you have just said –"

"She looks terrible, okay?" Zuko said, frustrated. "She looks like – like an Earth Kingdom noble!"

"…"

"No offence." thwack "Ow!"

"None taken."

He rubbed his arm. Toph put her hips into her punches, and her tiny fist concentrated the impact into a small area. "I mean – she looked like some painted doll. That's not what she is. She's supposed to be this – living, breathing, person. Full of light and happiness and completely ridiculous hope. There was one time, after the battle at Agna Qel'a, when I was watching her healing injured warriors. She was wearing one of those Water Tribe coats that cover the body like a tent, half covered in blood and half in puke, and she was beautiful. Not because of some stupid dress, because of who she is."

"She'd fall in love with you if you just told her that."

"No, she'd throw it back in my face because she's mad I didn't gush about how she's a perfect beautiful flower no matter what, like Aang does."

And also, we couldn't tell her that. We could try, but what would actually come out would be 'You looked better covered in puke.'

Toph put a hand to her forehead. "You're way too good at coming up with tissue-thin excuses for not doing the obviously right thing, even after it's explained to you in very small words."

"That was me trying to pay her a compliment," Zuko said. "Do you really think that I could confess any better than that?"

"," Toph conceded.

"Come on, we'd better go after them. I'm still supposed to be presented tonight."

The others were waiting outside in a rickshaw. Aang and Sokka were riffing off each other as usual, and even Suki joined in. Katara was chattering and laughing away a little too loud, conspicuously not looking at Zuko.

She's just putting it on to annoy us.

It's working. Of all the nights for her not to talk to us, why'd she have to choose the one where we have to stick together?

The palace was, to Zuko's further annoyance, much larger than the Fire Lord's, and decorated with a truly tasteless amount of gold and other precious metals and minerals. Guards recognised Aang and waved the entire party through the gates.

Servants indicated a path across fluffy carpets to a massive ball room. Hundreds of well-dressed guests were already mingling. A band played classical music, just loud enough to be audible over the hubbub of conversation: some younger nobles had paired off to dance. A majordomo stopped them and had them enter in pairs so he could announce them.

"Avatar Aang and Lady Suki of Kyoshi Island!"

Applause rang out, and a lot of guests hurried over to talk to Aang. A few girls went over to Suki, who apparently had made friends too.

"Prince Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe and Lady Beifong of Gaoling!"

Sokka got some applause and a few friendly waves. Toph walked along daintily, hanging off his arm, the perfect demure Earth princess, but she got only dirty looks. Zuko inferred she'd humiliated more than a few other guests.

"Princess Katara of the Southern Water Tribe and Sir Guo of Hua Ti!"

She got polite applause and a few men checking her out. Zuko stayed a pace behind her and tried not to be noticeable. Normally, this would have been impossible because he was taller than her, but he could half-hide behind her elaborate ridiculous hair piece. Between that, her unusual dark skin, his servant rank, and his stealth training, he felt like he wasn't attracting too much attention.

Of course, nothing says keeping a low profile like standing next to the Avatar.

Just don't do anything to draw attention to us, and it'll all go to him. We're the least interesting person here.

"What do you think?" asked Aang.

"It's very fancy," Katara said, looking around nervously. This was about a hundred times more expensive than anywhere she'd ever seen before, including the great hall at Agna Qel'a: she had a mental image of her knocking over a vase that cost more than her home village, and she tucked her elbows in.

"You get used to it," said Sokka, who looked at home. Behind him, to Zuko's jealousy and annoyance, a knot of nobles ladies were clearly checking him out, whispering to each other and giggling. "We pick up a lot of Wall-related intel around here. And there are people we have to keep happy … speaking of which …"

A young man was approaching. He had spectacles, a fancy hat, and two bodyguards and a Joo Dee flanking him. Zuko stepped around to stay in Katara's shadow.

"Earth King Kuei!" Aang said. He bowed.

"Avatar Aang," Kuei replied, reciprocating, before turning to Katara. "Princess Katara! I'm Earth King Kuei. Avatar Aang's told me so much about you."

"Uh, really?" she asked.

He gave a disarming smile. "It's all wonderful," he said. "To hear him tell it, your team would have fallen to bits without you. You must be a talented natural leader. As well as a master bender and a rare beauty."

"Oh," she said, her cheeks turning pink. "Aang, you shouldn't have …"

"Told the truth?" Aang asked.

"Don't be so humble," Kuei said. "You sound like a fascinating person. In fact, I was hoping I could take a dance with you?"

"A … dance?" she asked, the blush spreading down toward her neck.

"It's an Earth Kingdom custom," he said. "It's how people introduce themselves with a little privacy, so that no-one can hear if we make fools of ourselves."

Sokka, who'd positioned himself so he was out of Kuei's peripheral vision, gave a smile, thumb-up, and nod.

"Oh," she said. "If that's all, then yes, I'd love to."

"As long as it's okay with your valet," Kuei joked. "He looks … upset …"

"Don't worry, he always looks like that," said Katara, before realising Kuei had trailed off. She followed his gaze.

"My days," he said. "That's never … Fire Prince Zuko? What on earth are you doing here?"

A musician hit a sour note and the music crashed to a halt. At the same time, the other guests turned to stare, and a circle of silence rippled out. Guests formed a circle, pointing and whispering. Their expressions were not friendly.

Okay, don't panic. Just stay calm.

"Om," said Zuko.

"Uh," said Katara. "No, this is just my valet, Guo."

Kuei blinked, then burst out laughing. "Have you been telling this poor girl that the entire time? Whoever said Fire Nationals don't know how to play a good prank! Why are you … no, don't tell me. You must be here to teach the Avatar firebending once he masters earthbending!"

"What makes you think this is … whoever that is?" she asked.

He smiled mysteriously and tapped his nose. "A King should have some tricks up his sleeve. But there's no mistaking it. I'm right, aren't I?"

We have two options. One, we agree to everything, and hope no-one takes a shot at us as long as he's in the crossfire. Two, we tell him no, and run the risk of offending him and having him revoke the diplomatic immunity of an Avatar's companion. I'm pretty sure half this room would happily lynch us right here and now if he did.

"Yes," said Zuko. "He's still working on earthbending, but we're planning to start lessons soon. After all, the Avatar has to master all four elements."

"Do you know, I've never met a firebender?" said Kuei. "I'd've thought more of you would come to visit. People come from all over the world to see Ba Sing Se."

"Uh," said Zuko. "Because of the war?"

"What war?" Kuei asked, puzzled.

Long Feng pushed through the crowd. He gave a benign smile to everyone and pulled a vicious serrated dagger from a pocket and pointed it at Zuko, angling his body so Kuei couldn't see it. "There were some limited border clashes around the western shores recently," he said smoothly. "It's well in hand."

"Ah, yes, now I remember," said Kuei. "I always thought the border should be hard to dispute: the continent is ours, the archipelago is yours."

"Well," said Zuko, not wanting to get into it in front of Long Feng and the angry mob, but even less willing to ignore an implied question from a King. "I was taught it was about ports. Fire Nation scientists figured out how to work metal better, but the petty kings wanted to keep all the sales for themselves, so they refused to let our merchants sell goods in the Earth Kingdom. We just wanted to reopen the ports."

Katara gave him a look of Seriously? That's the line you're going with?

There may have been some mission creep, he admitted.

"You and I should discuss that," said Kuei, "later. This is a party, after all. Still, there's no war in Ba Sing Se, so no hard feelings, eh? Really, it's for the best. The military wouldn't get to feel important without anything to do. Speaking of which, let's see, is he here … General Fong!"

To Zuko's horror, the burly Earth Kingdom general limped out of the crowd, leaning heavily on a cane. Katara's hackles rose; Sokka and Aang moved closer around her. Sokka mouthed something like What the heck to Long Feng, who looked panicked too.

"There has to be hope for the world if we can be friends here, don't you agree?" said Kuei.

Alright, brain. We can still make it out of here in one piece. Fong must guess we're the Blue Spirit, but he doesn't know for sure. If we flatter him enough, we can buy time to find an opening and run for it.

Uh, I'm not great with compliments …

It doesn't have to be good. Just say something positive. Anything.

"Nice cane," he said.

Even Long Feng facepalmed at this.

Oh my god.

Fong's jaw worked. "Your Majesty," he said, "if you've never seen firebending before, perhaps we might offer you a little demonstration? I'm sure Prince Zuko, as a representative of the Fire Nation, would be happy to oblige."

Kuei perked up. Zuko didn't react, which to Katara was as expressive as him screaming at the top of his lungs.

There was a scuffle while the earthbenders argued over who'd get first dibs on the Fire Prince. The winner was a man who looked like he straightened horseshoes in his free time.

"Colonel Jietang," Fong announced. "Make us proud."

"With pleasure," he said, with an unpleasant smile at Zuko.

They found a suitable courtyard where servants bent a circular arena. Zuko laid his swords and Katara's waterskin by the side of the area.

"Don't you dare get another concussion," Katara undertoned. "If you do, I'll …"

"Nobody maims me but you, got it."

He entered the arena and he and Jietang squared off.

"Begin!" Fong called.

Zuko threw two fire punches at Jietang, but with his weakened bending, they were pathetic little fizzes. Jietang blocked easily, then bent a boulder out of the arena and lobbed it at him. Zuko leapt back and away, which meant he got hit by the follow-through attack instead. The crowd cheered.

Toph pushed over to Katara. "What the heck?" she undertoned. "He gave me a run for my money. This is a joke."

"He did the same up north once," Katara whispered back. "Someone wanted to beat up a Fire National and Zuko said he'd make trouble until he got it, so they fought and Zuko pretended to get hurt and begged off."

"I don't think he's pretending," Toph said, as Jietang smacked Zuko about like a cat with a mouse.

"The Northern Water Tribe hadn't seriously fought the Fire Nation in generations," she replied. "Hahn was just showing off, he didn't really hate Zuko. The Earth Kingdom …"

"Has been half destroyed, yeah, I know, by Sparky's uncle. So I also know my side isn't going to settle for just hurting him a little."

"… Zuko knows that too," Katara realised. "If he forfeits the match, they'll come after him at our home instead. He's protecting us."

Protecting me.

Jietang had had enough play. He lobbed a far-too-heavy boulder and connected with Zuko's thigh, and he went down. He got back to his feet a moment later, but Katara knew him well enough to see he was favouring the leg.

"Stop the fight," she said, but the crowd was cheering too loud for anyone to hear. "Stop the fight!" She looked around for someone to ask for help. Fong on the opposite side of the arena, and as if he'd listen to her anyway; King Kuei, surrounded by a crush of nobles, no way to even get close; Long Feng nowhere to be seen. As she looked, Zuko took another bad hit and tumbled along the ground.

"Aang!" she said, grabbing him by the sleeve and shaking him. "You have to stop the fight!"

He nodded and let out an air blast. Jietang pulled his next attack.

"Stop!" Aang shouted. "You've made your point."

Zuko read the crowd. They weren't satisfied.

"I'm not finished yet," he said, and he got back up into a ready stance, although by this point he could barely stand.

Aang gave Katara a helpless shrug.

"Yes, you are!" she shouted, taking a step onto the arena. "Knock it off!"

Jietang ignored her and lobbed another massive stone at Zuko. It crunched into his chest, and he went down and stopped moving. Jietang chambered an even bigger boulder.

Katara bent wine from a nearby jug into a block of ice and WANGed it into Jietang's head: he crashed to the ground, out cold. His boulder thudded to the ground.

"I said stop," she said, and she went over to Zuko. The crowd broke into jeering.

"Hey!" shouted another burly earthbender from the crowd, bending Jietang's dropped boulder up and taking aim at her.

Aang, Sokka, and Suki made to dart forward to cover her, but Toph was fastest. She chopped at the man: earth spires shot out and tossed him over Katara with a Doppler-shifted aaaAAAaaa and into a wall, leaving spiderweb cracks.

"Anyone else wanna take a swing after the bell?" she asked.

The crowd muttered sullenly and shuffled their feet.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," she said.

Katara ignored all of this and held healing water over Zuko. "Stupid, selfish, selfless jerk," she muttered.

"Eurgh," he replied.

She kept her water there one-handed and lifted his shirt. Massive purple bruises were already spreading everywhere.

"Do you know what it means when I tell you to stop?" she asked.

"Had to –"

Katara dug two knuckles into the worst of the bruising: he sucked air and clenched his fists in pain.

"It means you stop," she said. "Isn't learning fun, Princeling."

Kuei, his bodyguards, and the rest of the Gaang came over.

"I hope he's not too badly hurt?" Kuei asked, watching with interest as she worked.

"Not yet," she said sweetly.

Help me, Zuko mouthed to Sokka.

"Thank you for the demonstration," Kuei said. "Truthfully, I was hoping for more of a sporting show match. I'd expected better of Colonel Jietang."

"Maybe he was having a bad day," Aang said politely. His next day wasn't likely to be much better: at a minimum, it would begin with a splitting headache. "Katara, you can heal him, right?"

"Not here and now," she said. "This is a lot of damage. And he has the worst case of bakayaro I've ever seen, I have no idea how to begin healing that. At least there's no concussion." For once. To Kuei, "I'm sorry, but this is urgent. We'll have to be excused."

"I understand," Kuei smiled. "I hope I can look forward to seeing you both another night?"

"I'd love to," Katara said brightly, "and I'm sure Prince Zuko would love it too."

"Urgh," said Zuko, before passing out.