I'm afraid…I'm very afraid. Because the library has become an impuritas civitatis. Which means we're targets for the most powerful forces in the city such as the hana association. And if that fails…the head…i don't want that day to repeat…that horrible day when i failed everyone...
I went to check in on malkuth. Apparently angela lend her the book of lobotomy corp. When i arrived…there were two malkuths. One wearing a lab coat and looking miserable.
"What the hell is this?" i asked. As angela appeared next to me.
"What is this malkuth?" angela asked.
"I don't know. Elijah just came out of the book of lobotomy corp!" malkuth yelled shocked and confused.
"Manager…manager!" elijah yelled. The whole library began to shake as elijah destabilized due to her remembering everything that happened to her. The library resonating with her unstable emotions.
"Malkuth! If this goes on…there's no telling what will happen if this allowed to continue, you have to face yourself! Ill aid you." i said as i extended my light blade.
"Thanks jon! Here i come elijah!" malkuth yelled, drawing her black baton. This was like the suppression fights. But instead of facing someone fused with abnormalities. Instead i was facing elijah/malkuth in various stages of her life. After pummeling old lab elijah. She then took on her form of her L corp robot self. Complete with clones of malkuth's assistant librarians. And that includes dakota…boy i didn't like being on the receiving end of her fists. Despite being a short girl she can hit harder than that stray dog ape gyeong-mi! After that. Elijah took her lobotomy corp human form. And after that she took on the last step in her life. Librarian form.
It looked like we were about to win until we were all hit with a powerful attack dubbed "the failure to move on." as it hit me. I was brought back to that awful day…the day i saw elijah die. My head began to fill with dark thoughts. "Why didn't you save her?" "you could have done something." "after what happened to enoch and carmen. You should have known ayin couldn't be trusted." "you failed her…you failed everyone." as the dark thoughts continued to chew away at me. I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Jon…take a deep breath." malkuth said with a smile. I did what she told me too…breathe in…breathe out. The dark thoughts still lingered. But i've calm down. "I know what happened to us that day haunts you still. And I'm sorry. I was impatient and was determined to help that i did something incredibly stupid. And i know seeing me again hurt. But i'm glad i remembered you. And that you wanted to help us…I know that you think that it's selfish to think of lobotomy corp as a second chance…but it's okay to be selfish. Especially when you've been selfless for a long while. You've been our knight for so long." malkuth said as a glowing light surrounded her. "Now it's my turn to fight for you." malkuth said. Her outfit changed. She had a cape with flames at the end followed by paper akin to her reports. Her suit looked more regal and she had a sword in the form of a broadsword with her book being in the middle of it.
"We've come too far to regress now jon…we have to press on. You taught me that after all." malkuth said. She faced down elijah by herself and came out victorious.
"I did it!" malkuth yelled in excitement.
"You sure did. Not only did defeat your past self…you manifested an E.G.O…i'm proud of you little sis." i said as i petted her head. Causing her to giggle.
"Thanks big bro." malkuth said tackling me into a hug. Lost the air in my lungs that one. A malkuth tackle hits even harder when she has an E.G.O manifested. And she isn't the only one who would this day. Yesod hod and netzach would all face their past selves. And gain EGOs because of it. Through each battle I was forced to be reminded of my greatest failure and each of them had to pull me out of my dark thoughts in their own way. Hod comforting me. Netzach reminding me how strong i was. And yesod yelling at me to get my shit together.
Yesod's E.G.O was akin to something you'd see in an outer space comic. His armor took the form of power armor complete with glowing violet gears sticking out of the armor. His EGO weapon was a violet laser sword.
Hod's E.G.O was akin to the armor that the white fixer used. Angelic armor complete with an angelic rapier. Hod herself feels like she shouldn't have something so holy. But she's one of the nicest girls i've ever met. So it fits.
Netzach's E.G.O was armor with green lines going down it. Looked rather junkish too. His weapon was a single edged sword with a glowing green acidic substance on the blade.
Not sure how the book of lobotomy corp ended up in each of their hands. My guess? Angela. She probably noticed my fear with the library becoming one of the few ever impuritas civitatis and decided to do the one thing she could to help. Making the sephirah ready by having them manifest E. it did elevate my fear a bit now that we're armed with powerful weapons and armor. But i was exhausted from the battles and reminders of my greatest failure. So i called it for the night…however it would seem that even in my dreams the battle doesn't end. As i found myself in a dark void with few sparks of light flying around.
"What is this place?" i heard a voice ask…a voice i recognized.
"Lisa? Is that you?" i asked.
"So you're both finally awake. I might have been happier if you both never woke up though." another voice said. It sounded like lisa but younger. Everything shattered like glass as the room brightened and me and lisa were in front of someone…it was lisa. She was the age she was now. But wearing the same clothes as she did when she was at lobotomy corp. This lisa was pale and had crimson red eyes.
"Who the hell are you?" lisa asked.
"Nobody, can't you see? Light embodies emotions in the form of E.G.O and distortions. I'm something similar." the lisa lookalike i said. It didn't take me long to piece it together.
"Your lisa's anger sadness and regret, All the emotion's shes locked away and tried to bury." i said.
"Exactly…strange i take this form huh?" red eyed lisa asked.
"Perhaps. Then what the hell are you gonna do? I'd be lying if I said i'm not worried. I don't know what will come after we gain the light. But i know jon will keep his promise to me and enoch." lisa said.
"Really? You still believe in him even after he failed you and enoch? How he gave up when he was overruled by ayin and carmen. How he didn't even try to stop the experiment after? Only after everyone started dying that he decided to actually get up and stop it? He already failed everyone…why hold such expectations for him?" red eyed lisa said. I said nothing and drew my light blade. What came next was another painful fight. As the red eyed lisa showed both me and her the pain, the sorrow and the self loathing both me and her have. The arena being a colorless version of enoch and lisa's floor. Each attack was not only damaging to the flesh. But to the mind filled with the painful memories of our past. But we preserved and defeated her. But instead of becoming a different version of herself from the past. She instead became the "empty shell" AKA. the jester of nihil. And it came with the same arsenal of imitating the magical girl abnormalities attack when angelica became this thing.
The next form was the "shell without hope." we found ourselves in front of the remains of the pianist. The piano was as disturbing as i remember it…but i noticed a certain body that was infused to it…angelica. Her limp arm dangling from the piano as the rest of her was fused to the instrument like so many others was that night. We were facing roland wearing that black mask that i saw him wearing that night. But he was also wearing angelica's gloves. The gloves of the black silence. And that came with the arsenal. Even with that. This fight was a bit of a relief from the mental torture. The fight was still brutal as expected of roland with angelica's massive armory of weapons that can be summoned at any time. But i did feel good. Seeing as what would have happened that night if not for my intervention. I wish i could have saved more people from the pianist. But I'm glad I was able to save Roland's angel at the very least.
The next phase was the "shell without expectation." taking the form of lisa during her meltdown back at x-394. The main body couldn't be attacked while the two "indigo noons" and "crimson dawns." were standing. As the name suggests. These two are the little clown guys and the sweepers that would strike at those ordeals. After they fall they would be replaced with green noons. Aka those doubt robots. And the nasty food worms and finally white midnights…the claws of the head. Their executioners. And finally after all that. The main body was finally attackable. After that we stood against the red eyed lisa one more time. However she hit us both with barrage of black and white slashes, the cards were called. "Denial of existence." and "messiah's failure." the name fits each attack brought back painful memories of the past…all my failures, all of my pain and sadness hitting me in a barrage of painful cuts. I fell to my knees. Blood and tears covering the grey floor.
"Dammit…dammit! I couldn't protect anyone…elijah gabriel giovanni michelle enoch lisa kali daniel…they all died…yet i survived…i lived on…to accomplish nothing!" i yelled as the tears came pouring out. On the floor was a thumb rifle…one that was loaded…the desire for the pain to end was too much…i picked it up and put it to my head. Only for it be kicked out of my hand and a punch to my face happened…all done by lisa.
"When jon…when are you going to forgive yourself!?" lisa yelled as she grabbed me by the shirt. "When are you going to stop beating yourself up!? All of us have forgiven you! So why can't you forgive yourself!? You promised me and enoch a home and a better life when this was over! And i'm not letting you break that promise you got that!? So do your little sister a favor…and get up! I won't give up…and i won't allow you to give up either!" lisa yelled as she stood up and faced her red eyed buried emotions with a light surrounding her…"i'm not a kid anymore…it's time i start fighting my own battles." lisa said. And so her E.G.O manifested taking the form of her uniform fused with the dress of the knight of despair. Her weapon being a broadsword with many colored stones embedded into it.
With her newfound strength she defeated and accepted her buried emotions.
"Are you done?" lisa asked.
"I never thought i'd be beaten…i've made it this far. You cannot deny me." the red eyed lisa said in bitterness.
"Of course, because you're me. It's not something i can deny and do something about. Is it? No matter how much i deny you, you will always be there in the heart of me who is always trying to be brave you have always been there. But since we can only meet like this. I will keep looking straight at you like this until the end." lisa said with a smile.
"Looks i lose then…you must persevere until the very end. If you can defeat yourself. Then there's nothing left to be afraid off right?" the red eyed lisa said with an accepting smile and disappeared.
"Lisa…thank you. I was on the verge of giving up there. I promise i'll never falter again." i said.
"You better not. Or i'll bonk you upside the head with this new sword of mine…still i feel rather proud of myself. I was able to be the hero you needed in your darkest hour…wonder if enoch would believe me if i told him this…probably not." lisa said with a giggle.
"Probably not…see you when i wake up little sis." i said in a flash of light. I found myself getting up from my bed on my floor. I was thinking it was all a dream…that was until i headed to enoch and lisa's floor and saw that lisa had her E.G.O showing that the dream really happened.
Gebura and chesed's were odd…instead of facing them from the past like the others have. What we got instead with them was an alternate timeline version of them. A timeline where carmen actually listened to me and allowed me to be the volunteer for the cogito injection. Not only did I survive but I gained a significant power boost. The project actually moved forward. But my power boost is what got the head's attention and they didn't just send garion. No they sent a small army of executioners and arbiters. And i managed to kill them all…but i was still mortally wounded in my dying breath. I gave my power to kali daniel enoch and lisa. It was that moment that kali remembered her childhood and me too late. The seed of light project succeeded. But that didn't make the others feel any better. Heh. it's funny. The other me still got his fixer title. Albeit he got it by actually becoming a messiah through sacrifice. Kali and daniel kept my promise to the two kids.
As for how these two ended up in this timeline where i'm alive…well it started as a stupid idea between roland and chesed. I was spending my down time in the library writing an autobiography. Roland got a hold of it and gave chesed the idea of slapping it into a library invitation. And which caused the whole place to shake. And we had a new guest in the form of daniel. The indigo mountain. He had shorter hair and also a white shirt…my guess to honor his fallen friend. He went up the floors chatting with every librarian there. All thinking the same thing that chesed changed his clothes. Everyone commented on it. Except for netzach and gebura. Netzach thought he was still in a drunken dream when "chesed" accepted his offer for a beer. And gebura yelled at him to piss offf or she'll chop him to pieces. You know, par for the course of these two…anyway he finally reached the floor of social sciences. He was shocked to see me. And looked like he was about to cry. Which was understandable after the chesed and daniel chatted over how things went down for both of them.
"Shit…i go down killing a small army of the head. Not a bad way to go. Especially considering my sacrifice meant that the project actually succeeded. Thanks for keeping my promise to the kids daniel." i said.
"It was the least we could do for you..even when things are better in the city…the scar your death left behind i don't think will ever heal for any of us." daniel said.
"I understand completely. Even with all of you back in the form of the sephirah. It's hard to forget the pain I felt that day…the feeling of uselessness and the survivors' guilt. It haunts me just like it haunts you and kali…what did she do afterwards." i asked.
"After the light was finished. Kali went to your parents…to give them the bad news. And also comforted them through it. She was their adopted daughter after all. She went back to being the red mist. Swapping out her coat for a white one. She always acts tough. Acting like what happened to you doesn't bother her. But I've seen her tearing up looking at an old family photo. She even started to wear a white coat and hell she even had her hair cut to your length." daniel explained.
"So the burden of pain falls on you guys…sorry about that." i said.
"It's not your fault…besides. You and her are together…our jon will never have that chance." daniel said. After that he soon returned to his world after finishing his coffee. But not before giving chesed a bit of the power that the other me gave him. Which awakened an E.G.O within chesed. He had armor very similar to my E.G.O but instead could conjure up a scythe instead of a sword like me. The blade was still the same light that my sword is.
While it was a rather peaceful visit from parallel daniel. The same can't be said for parallel kali. We got her by sending another autobiography (i made copies.) with the addition of the book of the red mist. When she arrived. Her first instinct after seeing me and gebura was to fight. If gebura won. Kali would give her some of the other me's power. But if she won. I would come with her and be with her for 6 months.
"Alright…but jon will be fighting with me." gebura said.
"Too scared to face me yourself other me?" kali asked.
"It's only fair…after all. I'm sure the red mist with the white messiah's power is enough to make even an arbiter shit themselves. And from what chesed told me…your worlds jon was strong enough to take on a small army of arbiters and executioners…even i'm not stupid enough to fuck with that." gebura said.
"Fine then…" kali said. And so the reception began…and this was the hardest fight I've ever fought in my life. It's what you'd expect from the red mist with the white messiahs power. Mimicry in one hand. Crimson red blade of light in the other. Even with me gebura and her assistant librarians including several fixers from the shi and the liu. We still barely win by the skin of our teeth.
"You won against all odds…i guess i shouldn't expect any less from you jon..* kali said standing up and hugging me…"just seeing you again and knowing that your alive and we're together…makes it worth the trip." she said as she let go of me then headed over to kali and doing the same that daniel did with chesed. "A deal's a deal. Succeed where i failed and protect him." she said as she transferred the power to gebura before leaving.
"Farewell kali…how do you feel gebura?" i asked.
"I feel…LIKE I COULD GO 500 ROUNDS WITH BINAH! THE RED MIST IS BACK AND SHE'S MORE DANGEROUS THAN EVER BEFORE! The head? The beasts of the outskirts? Don't care! BRING IT ON! I'LL DESTROY YOU ALL EASILY!" gebura yelled at the power trip. Before calming down…"sorry about that…well i certainly believe that story of you killing a small army of arbiters and executioners now. If this is a fraction of the power you had. Then you would have the head shitting themselves." gebura said.
"Yeah…staying there for 6 months is too long…but i am curious to see how the city looks in their world. How things would have gone if we did succeed the first time around." i said.
"Can't deny. I'm curious myself…maybe we'll find a way to go there when we actually complete the light this time…third time's the charm huh?" gebura asked sarcastically.
After a few days of recovery after that parallel kali business. Hokmah was the next one facing himself. Similar process as before. Book of lobotomy out comes benjamin. Long gauntlet of facing his past incarnations.
His E.G.O certainly gave off that wise leader thing. His E.G.O armor being a grey samura armor with a quick draw katana with a clock for a guard.
Soon i had a chat with roland. Which got into a topic about color fixers.
"When i was a kid i thought being a color fixer would lead to happiness…how foolish i was." roland said.
"Heh yeah…to reach this rank you not only need tech and gadgets that no one else has like your wifes pocket dimension gloves. Another thing is proving your perseverance to the hana association…you have to go through some of the worst shit the city can do to you. And still be alive and sane. Okay considering the blue reverberation. They don't need you sane. Just alive." I said.
"Yeah…something has been bothering me for a while…i heard quite a few stories about the white messiah. And his skills of fighting. But i'm not sure how many of those stories are true and how many are bullshit." roland said.
"Well we could find out through a sparring match…i used to spar with kali all the time. So how about it?" i asked.
"Sparring with the sparring partner of the red mist? I'd have to be crazy to give up that opportunity." roland said pulling out durandal. And so our sparring match began. Angelica is only one half of the black silence. Roland is the other half. He may not have his wife's gloves that can pull an arsenal from a pocket dimension. But his skills with his trademark longsword are certainly on the level of a color fixer. It looked like i was about to win. But then angelica came into the room carrying the infant orlando. His wife and son watching him pushed him to get back up and keep fighting. And that was when something interesting happened…roland manifested his own E.G.O. a suit of black armor that looked like it had darkness emanating from it. With one glowing white eye in the helmet. The fight ended in a draw.
"Well...i didn't expect you'd manifest an E.G.O during our sparring match. Quite the surprise there." i said.
"Couldn't look like a weakling in front of the wife and kid…hey jon. I can't thank you enough for saving angelica that day…i was so afraid of losing her. I was wrong…the white messiah does exist. And if not for that…i would have lost the one thing that kept me from falling into the city's dark clutches." roland said. I stood up and smile and walked back to my room.
"No need to thank me roland. I'm the white messiah…it's what I do." i said walking away.
"And he wonders why he has a harem." i heard angelica say as i left the room…i rolled my eyes. At first i was scared…but now with everyone having E. …well except binah. But she's an arbiter she's powerful enough as it. We're more than ready for anything now…people believe that the head can't be beaten…but if they do come here and try to take everything from me again…well. I'll prove them all wrong. The head's attack dogs can be felled. They can be beaten…