Vivian and Goombella had spent the past twenty minutes exploring the Palace of Shadow in silence. It wasn't like they were ignoring each other or anything. They were just being quiet. Well, actually, the truth was that Vivian was scared to talk right now. Her chin was still trembling, so she feared any attempt at communication would come out as a series of high-pitched squeaks. In the time they'd known each other, Goombella had gained a knack for telling when Vivian was upset (Maybe she was Tattling on her in secret?). Vivian could only assume Goombella was keeping quiet right now because she sensed Vivian needed some space.

Vivian slid a glove beneath her bangs. Yep, still damp. Why was Vivian so worked up over this, anyways? To be fair, it didn't take much to make Vivian cry, but this was some random girl she'd never known. A princess who'd died a millennium ago. That was sensitive even for Vivian. So why did that vision make her heart ache?

Maybe it wasn't the people in the vision itself, but what they were doing. A mother had comforted her child. Made her feel like she wasn't miserable and worthless. Vivian had never seen that before. It was such an unfamiliar sensation to her. Somehow, right now, Vivian wanted nothing more than to be back in that room… to listen to the music box one last-

" Viv, look out! "

"Wha-?"

Vivian felt something warm touch her backside, and the next instant, she and Goombella were standing onstage before a packed crowd. Before Vivian's shadow-brain had time to process this, she found herself engulfed in a wave of green fire. " Eeek! "

"Stupid Phantom Ember snuck up on you." Goombella Headbonked the green sprite to death, causing it to erupt into a pile of Star Points over the crowd's applause. "Phew, good thing I wore my Ice Power P badge." Goombella gestured to the Mr. Blizzard-shaped badge pinned to the inside of her jacket. "Gotta remember to thank Ms. Mowz later..." She turned to Vivian as the stage around them vanished, transporting them back to the palace. "Be more careful next time, 'kay?"

"Sorry, guess I was spacing out." Vivian hurriedly stamped out the green flames before they could consume her whole body. As someone with a command over it, Vivian wasn't hurt by fire, exactly, but that didn't mean she wanted to cover herself in the stuff. Vivian ate a mushroom she'd managed to scavenge, causing the burned-out hole in her middle to magically fill itself. Vivian dusted off soot, and then the duo continued their journey down the palace halls.

"Soooo," Goombella said as they walked, "anything you need to talk about?"

Vivian nodded slowly. Now that her pulse was up, she was feeling better about her prospects of forming coherent sentences. "That princess. That vision. Something about it was so..."

"Yeah, tell me about it!" Goombella started speaking a little too quickly. "That was huge! The royalty of the ancient kingdom knew about its impending doom? Do you realize the ramifications that'll have in the archaeological community?" She faltered. "That is, if I can prove to them I actually saw that vision and didn't make the whole thing up."

"There's still so much we don't understand, though." Vivian's hat drooped. "But that vision… that princess... had to have been important. I know it."

Goombella nodded – or lurched her whole body forward, rather. "You're right. It was a piece of the puzzle. If we can find more visions like that, maybe we can figure out what's going on around here. What the deal is with all the spirits haunting this place. How exactly they got-" As she spoke, Goombella's foot hit a discolored spot on the rug. Shing . A solid layer of spikes promptly erupted from the far wall. "-killed." No sooner had Vivian and Goombella come to appreciate this fact than the wall of spikes rushed towards them. " RUUUUUUUUUUN-! "

"Goombella, wait!" Before Vivian could pull her into the safety of the Shadow Veil, Goombella was already sprinting down the hallway.

"On the bright side," said a random Dry Bones stuck to the spike wall, "it's way easier to store me inside three-ring binders now!"

"Goombella!" Vivian floated after her friend as fast as her shadowy body would carry her, but it wasn't enough. The spike wall was closing in on them.

"Hey, look, a door!" At the last possible minute, Goombella dived through a doorway, and Vivian dived after her.

Slam . The sound of the spikes ramming into the hallway's far wall reverberated throughout the palace.

Vivian turned to Goombella. Between bouts of panting, she managed to say, "Y-You could've gotten in my Shadow Veil."

"Oh." Goombella's face had gone even pinker than usual. "Right. Forgot about that."

Vivian shot her a wry smile. "Be more careful next time, 'kay?"

Goombella returned the smile. "Guess I space out sometimes, too."

Once the girls' hearts quit attempting to explode out of their chests, they took in their new surroundings. This room was largely the same as the last one they'd been in… complete with a massive portrait hanging on the wall.

"Sweet! We found the next picture!" Goombella waddled towards it, causing the image to ripple as she neared.

"What is that?" Vivian stared at the landscape on the canvas – a bustling city street, in the middle of which was a building covered in neon lights that single-handedly illuminated the night sky. "It seems so modern. How did the Shadow Queen hide the Crystal Keys in places like here or at your college? They didn't exist a thousand years ago."

"Hmm..." Goombella pondered this for a moment. "I think these are magic pictures that show the general location of the Crystal Keys, wherever they happen to be. Remember, the Diamond Key was only at my college because Goomblair brought it there."

"Oh, good point."

"And to answer your other question, that's The Mushy Mushroom ." Goombella gave Vivian a look. "It's only, like, the most famous nightclub in the Mushroom Kingdom."

Vivian failed to meet her eyes. "I, err, don't get out much."

"Really?" Goombella smiled again and nudged Vivian's shoulder with her limbless torso. "Well, looks like this is your first time going clubbing, then."

Vivian's face flushed. "Gee whiz..."

Before Vivian had time to process this, Goombella was already diving into the magic portrait, and Vivian was diving in after her. As much as she hated the idea of being in a packed nightclub, Vivian hated the idea of being left alone in the Palace of Shadow even more.

"HERE WE GOOOOOOOO!"

As it turned out, commerce via magic portrait wasn't that different from commerce via Warp Pipe. Everything became a blur around Vivian as she sailed through the air, and when the world finally slowed to a halt, it had totally transformed. The cold air hit her skin almost as soon as it hit her nostrils. This was nice, actually. For the first time in hours, she was outside in the fresh air – Well, maybe not fresh air, per se. This was a bustling city, after all. The amount of smog was matched only by the amount of horns honking on the road. Still, anywhere beat the Palace of Shadow.

Vivian shot Goombella a bemused smirk. "Did you just yell, 'Here we go?'"

Goombella flushed. "It's less weird when Mario says it..."

The "M-word" generated a small, solemn silence. Vivian struggled to admit it aloud, but she missed her muscley-armed plumber. With him there, everything had seemed right with the world. Mario had always known what to do. He never would've spaced out and made dumb mistakes like Vivian and Goombella had.

"Whoa, check this out!" Goombella tried to walk away from the building before them, only to smack her face into an invisible wall. "The Black Ghost wasn't kidding. Guess we're stuck here until we find the Crystal Key." There were other Toads, humans, and various other city folk passing through the invisible wall without incident, so it seemed it only applied to Vivian and Goombella.

"But what if the Crystal Key leaves the nightclub before we can find it?"

"Dunno. Maybe the invisible wall exists in, like, a wide radius around the key, and it'll drag us along the edge as it moves." Goombella's brow furrowed. "Gee, if that's true, I hope nobody takes the key on an airplane or something."

"We'll just have to get the Crystal Key before it leaves the building, then." Vivian took a deep breath. "So… to the nightclub?"

Goombella nodded. "To the nightclub."

Vivian tried to muster her courage, but the dread bubbling in the pit of her shadowy stomach only grew as the girls approached the building. It didn't help that the nightclub's entrance was guarded by a blue, scaly bouncer who easily quadrupled Vivian in size.

"H-Hey there." Even Goombella seemed to lose her usual confidence as they approached him. "We're here for… uh..."

The Kremling's eyes were hidden behind a pair of shades, making it impossible to get a read of him. After a heart-racing moment of silence, he said, "For ladies' night? Come on in!" He stepped aside without another word.

Goombella shot Vivian a triumphant look as they waltzed inside. It was the closest a Goomba could come to a thumbs up.

Entering the club felt like getting punched in the chest. The sounds in here were enough to make the walls shake. There were Koopas out on the dance floor, Toads overindulging at the cola bar, and from the ceiling, a booming voice constantly chattering: " Hope you're having a good time out there, ladies. This is DJ 'Henry' Yoshi reminding you that women drink free every Friday night here at The Mushy Mushroom. Up next, we'll be playing an oldie but goodie, the Ground Theme from World 1-1... "

And here's the worst part: There weren't that many women here, which meant the instant a beautiful girl like Goombella and even a homely one like Vivian entered the premises, every eye was upon them. This sent Vivian into full-on panic mode, a process which involved becoming extremely quiet, standing up straight with her shoulders back, wearing a pleasant smile, and trying her hardest to look like she wasn't in full-on panic mode. Stupid Crystal Keys. Stupid Black Ghost. Why did Vivian have to come back to the Thousand-Year Door? She could've been locked in her room playing video games with the blinds drawn right now!

And then something caught Vivian's gaze that really made her squirm. Ohhhhh, goodness, this wasn't just any nightclub. There were miniature stages littered all across the dance floor, and atop these stages were performers.

Vivian's face had gone from purple to red in a matter of seconds. She covered her mouth with both hands but couldn't stop herself from blurting out, "That- That's LEWD!"

"Yeah, look at that." Goombella followed Vivian's gaze to the stages, then let out a whistle. "I don't think those Shy Guys are very shy at all."

In fact, none of the performers on stage were doing things considered acceptable by polite society. There were green-shelled Koopa Troopas who stopped at the edge of their platform and turned back around, red-shelled Troopas who walked off the edges, Thwomps who moved horizontally, Hammer Bros. who threw comfy pillows, and even Boos who brazenly stared passerby directly in the eye.

When one of the Boos made eye contact with a girl in the crowd, the girl squealed in delight and tossed fistfuls of gold coins onto his stage (Had Vivian been more learned in politics, she might have recognized this girl as Princess Daisy). " Eeeee! I love you, Boorad! "

And the kicker was, Vivian was the only person visibly bothered by this. All the other clubgoers seemed to whoop and cheer and actively enjoy the blatant lechery on display. In fact… now that Vivian thought about it, even Goombella seemed to be having the time of her life.

"Isn't this great?" She bounced up and down with excitement, her ponytail flapping wildly. "I've always wanted to go here, but I've been way too busy with my studies." But then she looked down at herself. "Hmm, wish I'd worn a cuter outfit, though." With a pop, she removed her helmet and jacket and undid her ponytail. The items vanished into hammerspace, leaving behind a hot young Goomba co-ed with silky blonde locks falling over her body. She wore shorts, an undershirt, and little else.

Vivian blushed and made an effort not to ogle her best friend. Of course, technically Vivian herself was wearing nothing but a hat and gloves, but the rules of nakedness were different for shadow-people.

"C'mon!" said Goombella. "We get free drinks!" Vivian felt a sudden lurch as her friend telekinetically grabbed her arm.

Vivian couldn't help but smile at Goombella's enthusiasm. Look at her. Goombella wasn't freaking out at all. She was right at home here. Really, wasn't this a good thing? Sure, being cursed wasn't fun, but it'd given Vivian the chance to get out more. A little socialization wouldn't hurt her. And besides, Goombella would be right beside her the whole time. This was fine. Vivian could do this.

The girls marched right up to the bar and sat down. The bartender was a tall, lanky human. He had a big, pink nose and a thin, wavy mustache.

The bartender gave the girls a toothy smile as they approached. " Wah -t would you like to drink?"

Goombella cleared her throat. "Two Chuckola Colas for my friend and me." The bartender handed the girls a pair of glasses full of crimson liquid. Weird, it didn't seem as fizzy as Chuckola Cola usually was. Maybe it'd gone flat? Nevertheless, Goombella took a sip of hers, though Vivian herself was more preoccupied with inspecting the reflection in her drink's surface.

Vivian looked pretty, didn't she? Goombella sure seemed confident of that, at least. But Vivian probably didn't smell too good after all that time in the musty old palace. Hmm, hold up, she might've had some Peachy Peach perfume in her purse. Vivian retrieved said purse from its storage within her Shadow Veil, then started rummaging around. The purse was a cute shade of pink with white stripes to match her hat, but Vivian wasn't confident about her odds of finding the perfume in it. Things that went into her purse rarely came back out.

" Whoa ." Goombella's eyes went wide as she took another sip. "This- This doesn't taste like soda at all!"

"It's-a the original version of Chuckola Cola from the Japanese release of TTYD ," the bartender explained, his chest puffing out proudly. "It was censored in the wah -stern version."

"Awesome!" This revelation prompted Goombella to take another sip of her glass. "That stuff's super hard to come by, and we can get as much as we want for free!" She shot Vivian a look of utmost delight before taking a considerably less modest sip.

"Um, Goombella..." Vivian gave her a strained smile. "This club seems fun and all, but we're really supposed to be finding that Crystal Key."

"Yeah, yeah, don't sweat it, Viv." As she spoke, Goombella accidentally took a swig of Vivian's cola instead of her own. "There's no time limit on finding the keys, and it's not like I'm anxious to get teleported back to the palace anyways. Relax, live a little! We got this."

"If- If you're sure, Bella." Vivian stared at her glass for a moment, then slid it towards Goombella, surrendering it. "You're drinking an awful lot, though. Are you sure you can hold that much cola?"

"Nah, don't worry, I'm fine." Goombella took an additional three sips over the course of that sentence. "You've gotta learn to relax Vivian. Viv. Vivvie." She broke out into a fit of giggles. "That's your problem, y'know. You let yourself get all wound up like- like the gears in that big clock back at Riverside Station." Goombella began swaying back and forth as she spoke. "All those endlessly moving gears working hard day and night to keep a lonely clock running, counting out the endless progression of hours, heard by no one..." Somewhere during the course of her speech, Goombella had ended up leaning against Vivian's shoulder. "You can't let yourself be a clock gear, Viv."

Vivian blinked. Wow. She hadn't expected such a profound statement from Goombella. "You're right!" Vivian made a dramatic exit from her seat. "I'm not a clock gear! I'm young! I'm pretty! Now's the time to have fun with my life!"

"Now you're talking!" Goombella exited her seat as well, albeit with considerably less grace. "Whoo hoo! Party time!" Goombella once again grabbed Vivian's arm, this time dragging her to the dance floor. "HERE WE GOOO~!"

The next several minutes (hours?) were a blur. Even though Vivian hadn't drunk a single sip of the uncensored cola, she felt downright giddy. She was dancing – dancing well , no less! And- And people were starting to watch her and Goombella. They were hot! Vivian was hot! Even though Vivian didn't have any legs and Goombella didn't have any arms, they still had a full set of arms and legs between the two of them and thus were still able to bust out some incredible moves. Vivian had never even danced before, but the song the band of primates were performing on the stage was so catchy, so easy to dance to… (" So they're finally here, performing for you~! ")

Eventually, the girls were forced to collapse onto a table to catch their breath. "This- This is great!" Sweat was dripping down Goombella's forehead. Naturally, she cooled off by taking another sip of uncensored cola.

Vivian smiled at her, and, for once, she actually showed off her pearly white yet-no-less-shadowy teeth. "I'm having the time of my life."

"Yeah..." Goombella giggled. "Just two gal pals hanging out at the club together… dancing..."

"That's right." Vivian chuckled, wiping sweat from her brow. "Just a couple of besties. BFFs."

There was a brief silence.

" Okay I'm just gonna throw this out there I think there's romantic tension between us. " All of a sudden, Goombella was going a million words a minute.

"W-What?" Vivian was, suffice to say, caught off guard. "Romantic?"

" Dang it I shouldn't have said that forget I said anything I've had too much cola and I don't even know if I'm into chicks anyways but everyone tells me college is the time to experiment and you seem so cool and nice and you say 'gee whiz' unironically which is adorable and I don't even know if you're into chicks either, but… but… " Goombella trailed off, out of steam.

Vivian bowed her head, hiding her face beneath the rim of her witch's hat. Vivian needed to tell her. Goombella deserved to know the truth – Vivian couldn't possibly fall in love with her. Vivian's heart already belonged to a certain plumber. "I'm flattered, Bella, but the thing is-"

"Y'know what? It doesn't matter!" Goombella cut in. "I shouldn't have brought this up in the first place." Her eyes clamped shut. "I was just looking for a rebound, and you deserve better than that. The truth is… I couldn't fall for you. My heart already belongs to someone."

"Really?" Vivian drew back in her seat. She hadn't expected such a dramatic statement from Goombella.

"When I first came to Rogueport, I was so lonely, and then he saved me from the X-Nauts." Goombella's eyes remained shut, as if she was talking more to herself than to Vivian. "He came into my life out of nowhere, and then suddenly we were going on an epic adventure together, and it was the most amazing thing that ever happened to me, but for him it must've been totally average. I mean, have you seen how many times he's rescued Princess Peach? And falling in love with him is such a stupid thing to do anyways because everyone knows Peach is his true love. Really, how could he-?" Slowly, her eyes reopened. They were wet. "How could he resist her? She's a gorgeous human. His own species. I'm a Goomba." Her last words sounded dead and hollow, as if all the pep Goombella had felt a moment ago had been sucked dry: "I must look hideous to him."

Vivian had to keep her jaw from hanging open. "Bella..." Her words were barely audible over the club's music (" Walnuts, peanuts, pineapple smells! Grapes, melons, oranges, and coconut shells! AHH YEAH! "). "That's not true. You're beautiful. I- I had no idea you felt like-"

But before she could finish, Goombella sprang out of her seat. "I'm gonna go drink that free cola until I can't remember this conversation anymore."

"Bella, wait-!" But Goombella was already sprinting across the dance floor. Vivian tried to float after her, but she was blocked by a dancer.

"Hey, babe." It was a Boo – one of the ones who stared brazenly at people, and he'd apparently chosen to fix his gaze upon Vivian. Her heart had already been pounding, and this really didn't help matters. "What's a pretty thing like you doing out here all alone?"

"I- I was following my friend-" Vivian made a vain attempt to push past the Boo, but then she froze. Gosh, had he really just called her pretty? He must have only been saying that to be polite. Or maybe he'd noticed she was upset and wanted to make Vivian feel better. Yeah, that was it. In reality, Vivian must have looked… hideous… to him. Wait.

"How about it, babe?" The Boo extended a stubby little arm towards her. "Fancy a dance? The name's Boorad. What's yours? It must be Gorgeous McGorgeousface because that's what you are."

Vivian's face could fry an egg. She couldn't deny it, this Boo was far from ugly. Bits of his white ectoplasm stuck out of his head to form perfectly-styled "ghost hair." In fact, Boorad looked like he belonged on a Sexiest Man Undead cover.

"A dance?" Vivian had to admit, now was the perfect time for one. The DJ had started playing an incredibly hot dance song (" Swing your arms from side to side~! ").

Wait, hadn't Vivian been doing something important a second ago? It was… so hard to remember… when she was busy getting lost in Boorad's gorgeous black eyes.

"Yeah. Sure. I'll dance with you if- if you want to."

"Awesome." A lecherous grin spread over Boorad's face as those gorgeous black eyes of his examined every inch of Vivian's body. Had Vivian's throat been this dry a second ago? She swallowed a little harder than she meant to.

And then something bad happened. You see, complements from cute boys had a way of turning Vivian's insides into melted butter. And when Vivian's insides turned into melted butter, she tended to let her guard down. And, well, gee, how can I explain this? There was a certain… thing… that happened as a result of Vivian's actions. A certain, err, bit of flesh that was unexpectedly rendered visible. One that, in a, err, purely biological sense, acted as a sort of shorthand that allowed those who observed it to quickly surmise that its owner was likely assigned male at birth.

Her Adam's apple. It was her Adam's apple.

He'd seen it. Vivian had allowed Boorad into her personal space, and then she'd swallowed way too hard, and he'd seen it. The one remaining part of her face that could still get her clocked after her Jelectro-lysis. Vivian hadn't bothered dealing with it because it was usually hard to spot and because surgery was expensive, especially for a unique race like a shadow-person.

And there was no doubt he'd seen it. It was written all over Boorad's face. The way he'd gone from bedroom eyes to recoiling in disgust in a fraction of a second. And if that'd been all, it would've been super awkward, but Vivian would've lived. Except that wasn't all. Apparently, Boorad couldn't help himself. He was so shocked, he had to scream.

And, of course, exactly one second prior to said scream, the background music decided to come to an abrupt end, leaving the entire club in dead silence. The perfect environment for Boorad's scream to carry to the ears of every last clubgoer in The Mushy Mushroom whether they wanted to hear it or not:

" YOU'RE A DUUUUUUUUUUUUDE?! "