The legalities: I do not own any of the Expendables franchise (characters, places, and objects especially) and this is mostly au. Rated M just to be on the safe side.

Hope you enjoy!

Prompt: "Don't leave me here with her."

"Why? She's a delight."

Gunnar just couldn't believe his luck. He had fallen in a lake on the last mission, after which he had gotten sick. So, not only did the normally extremely healthy Swede get sick, but the team had gotten a job and he was being sidelined! No matter how much he had pleaded with Barney, Gunnar was now stuck at Tool's Tattoo Parlor while the Expendables were out on a job in Africa. Oh well, he thought as he sneezed, at least if can't get any worse. Of course, that's when she walked in.

Jacoba Dixie Kooper was an anomaly to Gunnar. The other guys all insisted that they both had feelings for each other, which he knew that they both denied. Especially since she was still in the habit of stealing his wallet and spending his money left and right. Yet, ever since she had made her way back to the team about two months ago, he had found that he didn't mind all that much anymore. He even went so far as to leave his wallet in the same pocket every time and instigated about ninety percent of their fights. Gunnar shook those thoughts from his head as Jacoba raised her eyebrow before leading Lee's girlfriend Lacey over to where he was, their arms laden down with their recent purchases.

"Lost in space, Dumbo?"

Gunnar rolled his eyes before opening his mouth to speak. Instead of words, however, all that came out was a massive coughing and sneezing fit. Next thing that he knew, his back was pushed back against his chair back and Jacoba was hovering over him. She, at some point in her journey over to him, had dropped her bags in order to put one of her hands on his shoulder to keep him back while the back of her other hand was pressed against his forehead.

"Damn it, space case, you've got a pretty bad flu, don't you?"

As Gunnar glared at the woman above him, Lacey chimed in. "Well, he did fall into a lake recently." Upon seeing Jacoba putting both of her hands on her hips, Lacey added, "And on that note, I'm going to take my new purchases home. Bye."

Jacoba rolled her eyes at her friend's receding figure. "Wimp."

"Her or me?"

"Both of you, Gunnar. I'll go get you some soup before I yell."

"How considerate of you, Amazon." Jacoba and Gunnar turned to the door, where Tool was leaning against the jam. "Just checking in to let you know I'm headed out to get some things. Be back soon."

Gunnar's eyes got wider. "No, Tool, don't leave me here with her." He pointed towards the six-foot four woman for emphasis. Jacoba just rolled her eyes as she got the soup ready in the kitchen.

"Why? She's a delight."

"Thanks, Tool. See you later." Jacoba said as she handed half a mug of soup to Gunnar, who was pouting. After Tool left, she turned back to the sick Swede. "I'll yell some other time. Let's get you moved to the couch. You'll be more comfortable."

After maneuvering him to the couch, Jacoba proceeded to care for Gunnar as he began to get better. It was then that she realized that he may just be falling in love with Jacoba. And truth be told? He wasn't as opposed to the feeling as he thought.