Happy Monday everyone! I hope you all had an amazing Christmas week :)

It was so nice to finally slow down and have some time off. I did some writing, cooked a lot, ate lots of yummy food, and spent quality time with family. And also vegetated in between haha.

My partner completely surprised me with Veilguard for Christmas (I was going to buy it next month)! So far I am obsessed with the combat and I even got to recreate my Inquisitor and her romance with Cullen! The squeals that I squealed! Still working my way through it but I'm enjoying it. I can't wait to see when Lara comes back (and hopefully Cullen too!)

NSFW AHEAD: Read at your own discretion ;)

Thank you for all the love and support over the mini break. It was not unnoticed xx

—-

Chapter 34:

Lara found herself in the familiar room where the eluvian stood. Thankfully, Morrigan and Kieran were by her side. They had all traveled together and arrived safely.

"Are you alright, Kieran? You're not hurt?" Morrigan assessed her son thoroughly.

"I feel lonely," Kieran frowned.

Morrigan gave him a confident smile, which Kieran then returned. The sight warmed her heart but also made her feel hollow. She sincerely hoped that one day she could be to her children what Morrigan was to Kieran. That she wasn't destined to be like her own mother.

"She wanted the Old God soul all along," Morrigan spoke after Kieran left.

"Is it worth reminding myself that perhaps I do not know everything after all. My mother has the soul of an elven goddess, or whatever Mythal was, and her plans are unknown to me," Morrigan continued.

"Kieran had the soul of an old god? Who?" Lara couldn't help but ask.

"Taken from the archdemon at the final battle of the Fifth Blight, yes. He has never known anything else. I am uncertain what effect this will have on him," Morrigan shook her head.

"But why did you…?"

"I told you at the Temple. The magic of old must be preserved, no matter how feared. Kieran had a destiny, and now it is in Flemeth's hands. I suppose we shall see what she does with it," Morrigan sighed.

With a swipe of her hand, the eluvian's magic slowly dissipated. Lara couldn't help but blurt the realization she had the longer she looked at Kieran. The way Alistair had asked after Morrigan, the way he left Cullen's side to be with her. It all made sense now.

"Alistair is his father, isn't he?" Lara asked quietly.

Morrigan turned around quickly. "You must not tell him."

"Tell who?"

"Kieran. He must not know. 'Twas agreed between Alistair and I that he not go for the throne. He does not want his son living the life he did. All Kieran knows about him is that he is a good man," Morrigan answered.

"Cullen knows, I take it?" Lara sighed, wondering how she didn't put it together earlier.

"Yes, your Commander knows. Whilst I may not like the man, Alistair and him are close and he has respected that secret. I can admit that much about him," Morrigan scoffed.

It was evident both Cullen and Morrigan did not like each other for reasons unknown to Lara. There was a history between them she clearly did not know about.

"For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing today," Lara gave her a smile.

"Did I? She was testing me, and I cannot tell whether I passed. It seems my mother was right. The voices of the Well tell me I will be able to match his dragon. All that remains is for you to find him," Morrigan gave her a smile.

Before Lara could reply, the door swung open and a commotion erupted behind them.

"Inquisitor!" Cullen exclaimed with a sigh of relief.

"Oh good, you survived the Fade. Again. The elf is displeased you went without him," Dorian remarked.

"I can speak for myself, you know," Solas narrowed his eyes.

Cullen made his way to her quickly, not caring that eyes were on them. That they were not alone. He pulled her roughly in his arms, keeping her close, cupping her head with his hand as he held her to his chest. She could feel the panic in his muscles as he held her, the frantic beating of his heart, terrified of the prospect that he might have lost her.

"I thought I told you to give us a warning next time, lass," Rylen smirked watching them.

"I trust Kieran is safe. I saw him in the courtyard," Leliana spoke to Morrigan.

"Yes. We are safe, for now," Morrigan replied honestly.

Leliana didn't press on, but nodded her acknowledgement.

"The mirror is gone by tonight," Cullen ordered coldly. It was a statement, not a demand.

No one questioned it.

"Leave us," He ordered again.

Shuffling could be heard and a shiver ran down Lara's spine. He was angry, no doubt with her especially. He had requested for her to avoid it and that it would be removed. She had gone against that. Nerves hit her but she knew she was safe with him. He wouldn't hurt her. She needed a release of the pent up emotions from the last few hours. The fear of the Fade and what that place held for her, the long lost relationship between her and her own mother, the realization that Mythal lived inside Flemeth, a legend inside another legend. There was so much of the world she didn't know, so much she was discovering. Doubt was truly an uncomfortable thing and she needed to purge herself before she lost herself to the unknown. Cullen was her safe place.

"I will call for a scout to keep watch," Leliana replied as she closed the door behind her.

Lara could hear the smirk in her tone as if she already knew what would happen.

"Do you like disobeying me?" Cullen whispered huskily in her ear.

The soft hairs on her body stood on end at his words, goosebumps forming on her skin. It seemed he too needed a release of pent up emotions. She bit her lip as she took a few steps back. Her nerves were replaced by a different kind of nerve. A daring one.

"Yes," She replied, playing with her bottom lip.

"It seems you do. I remember telling you not to go near it," Cullen watched her lips.

"I had to save Morrigan and Kieran," Lara replied.

"I don't care about them. I care about you," He answered while taking off his armor.

The room suddenly felt too warm under his gaze. He kept his honey eyes on her the whole time while letting down his guard for her. Always for her. She shifted uncomfortably as her lower half pulsed with desire. She ached for him in a way she never thought possible.

"The Inquisitor disobeys her Commander. What are you going to do about it?" She cocked her head to the side, teasing him.

"Wouldn't you like to know? Pants down, hands against the wall," There was no hesitation in his voice.

"No. Make me," She challenged him.

A deep chuckle erupted from him as he strode over to her. All she could hear was his footsteps and her heart racing, her body suddenly excited that his hands would be on her. He made quick work of her button, while keeping his molten honey hues on her. He spun her around, placing her hands against the wall and skimming his hands down her torso. She squirmed underneath his touch, closing her eyes, getting lost in his warmth. Her trousers and underwear slid down her legs, his fingertips traveling down her skin.

"If it gets too much, tell me," He whispered in her ear. She nodded in response.

Silence and then a slap. Lara let out a gasp at the sting on her right cheek. It was not enough to hurt but enough to make the desire in her body heighten. It was new territory with him and she wondered how many other experiences he wanted to play out with her. She wanted it all with him.

"Stubborn girl," His voice was husky, causing her body to clench.

His hands were on her again, positioning her lower so her rear was more exposed. She took a breath and the next one came. A moan escaped her at the contact. It was so close to where she needed him most, yet it released the tension but built the desire. Her earlier emotions were now dissolved into longing. For him. Smack after smack, her legs trembled, the edge was so near. He was building her up and he wasn't even inside her or touching her where she needed him to touch.

"Cullen…" She pleaded. She was so close.

His hands wrapped around her wrists, placing her arms behind her back. He guided her to an old, abandoned table in the room and laid her front on the cold wood.

"Frustrating, right?" He moaned.

He knew she was close and he stopped it, ignoring her plea just as she ignored his request. She groaned in protest, her core clenching to ease the pulsing ache between her legs. Her release was so close and now so far. His foot forced her legs further apart, doing nothing to help the torturous ache. A smack against her core led her to cry out as she turned her head and pressed her forehead against the wood, trying to regain her composure.

"What are you doing to me, Lara? You're driving me wild," He gritted out as he grabbed her hips.

He was hard beneath her, his tip gently stroking her wet folds. She whimpered in response, her body shaking with overwhelming need. She needed more. His fingers replaced his tip as he stroked her, tracing every inch of her core.

"Always so wet for me. Tell me to stop," His voice was husky, his breathing labored. She could come just to his voice alone.

"Don't stop," She replied with a smirk.

That won her another smack. She bit her lip to hide her smile but a moan still escaped. Even in his control, he let her be herself. He let her be sassy. He never stopped her and she loved that about him.

"Be careful what you wish for," He said through deep breaths.

His now slick tip rubbed against her folds again before positioning himself where she needed him most. Suddenly, he thrust forward deep inside her, jolting her forward causing her to cry out. She had forgotten the world around them and that they were still in earshot but she didn't care. Her insides clenched in response, gripping him tighter, earning her a groan from him. The sound delighted her, edged her on. He held her down on the table but she moved her body against his as best as she could with limited mobility. He withdrew only to thrust back into her fiercely. With need, with longing, with fear, with love.

Need washed over her with each forceful thrust, the edge coming closer and closer again as he buried himself to the hilt deep inside her, hitting that spot that caused her to see stars. She was slowly losing control of her body as she surrendered to her release. He stroked her back, reading her body like a book as he knew her release was right there.

"Are you going to come for me or are you going to defy me on that too?" He growled, with a hint of a smirk on his lips.

Damn him…

He knew she wouldn't disobey him now. In response, she arched her lower back further and clenched on him hard. Her plan backfired. Her name was a prayer on his lips as he gripped her hips tighter which sent her over the edge.

"Cullen!" She called out his name as her orgasm washed over her. Her body shattered into a million pieces underneath him, but he kept on thrusting, not slowing his pace as he chased his own orgasm.

"That's my girl," He praised her as his movements intensified.

Pride bloomed in her chest at his words on top of the various emotions that overtook her. Her heart would not stop fluttering each time he praised her. It still felt so foreign to her, so unreal. She squirmed as his hard length thrusted in and out of her, his grip tight on her. The feel of every inch of him inside her while she rode out her orgasm was overstimulating. His movements became jagged, his length pulsing, and Lara knew he was close. She clenched at the idea of him releasing inside of her, of him filling her. It brought her more pleasure than she thought it would have. He jolted forward as his release spilled inside of her.

"Maker, Lara…" He breathed heavily, still gripping her which was sure to leave a bruise.

After he regained his composure, a sharp inhale escaped him as he pulled out of her and slowly lifted her up to standing. She turned around to face him and his fingers brushed a few tendrils of hair away from her face. The same expression of adoration was sketched on his face causing her stomach to fill with butterflies. He lowered down and lifted her trousers up, buttoning them for her. The motion warmed her, and it was so evident what she missed out on in life. Cullen was healing her in a way she didn't know she needed.

"Don't ever do that to me again," He pleaded.

"Mirror or not, my life is still always at risk," Lara replied.

Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose. "Please don't remind me."

"I can take care of myself, you know. I've survived this far," Lara chuckled dryly.

"Surviving is not living, Lara. You're so strong but you don't always have to be. Let me care for you," He said as he stroked her face lovingly.

Lara's eyes widened at his words, unsure of how to process them. The truth behind them tore at her insides. She wouldn't have called her life worth living. Her parents didn't want her, she was constantly hidden away only to be sent away to a Circle, and now pretending to be a Herald when she wasn't. Most days her life lacked purpose, just going through the motions, making it to another day. The Inquisition was the first time she had something meaningful but it was temporary. Soon she would be on her own wandering aimlessly, making it to another day. If the Anchor allowed her to do so. It could just end her life, not that she would complain much.

"You knew that Kieran was Alistair's?" She changed the subject abruptly.

Now Cullen's eyes widened. His expression quickly changed as he studied her, wondering how she knew this information. He stayed quiet, mulling over how to answer her question.

"Morrigan told you?" He replied.

"She didn't have to. I saw the resemblance. It made sense why Alistair always asked after her and why he went to see her when he was here," Lara shrugged.

"You don't miss much," Cullen chuckled. "Yes, Kieran is his son but the boy mustn't know. Alistair and Morrigan prefer it this way."

"I hope to be as good a mother as Morrigan one day," Lara admitted, looking away.

Cullen studied her cautiously, unsure of how to respond to that. Morrigan was not his favorite person nor did he think anyone should look up to her. She could tell he was uncomfortable with the idea of idolizing her.

"I have no doubt you will be an amazing mother to our children," The words were out before he could stop it.

He swallowed hard, bracing himself for her answer. It was too much too soon and the last thing he wanted to do was scare her off when they were making progress. When she was finally taking steps forward. Towards him. Her eyes widened but she stayed still. She didn't flee but he could tell she was going inwards.

"Our?" Lara toyed with the word.

He's already thinking about children…

"Yes, Lara. Our. I meant it when I said I want a future with you. I will not move on from you when this is over," He cupped her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

Panic rose internally while her body remained still. She couldn't process his words without fear being attached to them. The prospect of her future with the Anchor attached on her arm was slim. Not even Solas could see the outcome of it. It meant losing Cullen, and she couldn't bear it. To plan a future with him would be to hurt him, knowing she wouldn't live. Knowing he might have a future with someone else after her. A bitter taste formed in her mouth. Her coping mechanism of pushing him away was tumbling in full force and she couldn't stop it.

"I should go check if Morrigan and Kieran are okay," She replied.

Surprise flashed on his face at her response. Her body suddenly came back to her as she turned on her heel and walked as fast as she could for the door before he could stop her. Before he said something that might make her crumble.

—-

Cullen mentally kicked himself as he entered his office. It was indeed too much too fast, and she had taken a step back. Maker, how he wanted a future with her. He had never been so sure of anything, of anyone before her. There was too much hurt in her past, mainly from her family. It angered him how she was treated and what her upbringing entailed. He could never imagine having a family and being so cut off from them. He was close with his siblings and parents and loved them all dearly.

With a sigh, he sat on his chair and held his head in his hands. She needed slow steps and he took one giant one and pushed her too far. They had never discussed children before and here he was telling her about their future children. Did she even want children? He had no idea.

"Idiot," He muttered to himself.

Possible reasons for her resistance surfaced in his mind. Maybe she didn't want children or maybe she had never thought about it before. He was her first after all. Perhaps it was the Anchor that troubled her. Solas had warned them that it inflict damage to her over time and could possibly kill her if it increased in strength.

Maybe it's me…

He shook his head at the thought. No. She told him she loved him and she wouldn't have said it if she didn't mean it. She would have run away before admitting that to him. There was no reason for him to doubt her feelings but he needed to talk with her soon about their future. Memories of his conversation with Mia flooded to the surface when he had visited home. He had planted some seeds for their future and doubt creeped in whether he had made the right choice or if it was too soon.

"Maker, I'm terrible at this," He spoke aloud tilting his head back against the back of the chair, staring at the ceiling.

His experience with women wasn't exactly a good streak. Relationships were even worse. It didn't help that the woman he fell for was quite complicated with an even complicated background. There were only snippets he knew about her upbringing and her family, but something told him there was a lot more to it than she was telling him. A lot more hurt and a lot more mistreatment than she let on. He clenched his fists in anger at the thought.

Instead, he decided to get lost in the memories of his family back home to calm him down.

—-

Cullen chuckled to himself as his nieces and nephews ran around the house, screaming and giggling as they played whatever new game they came up with. He had missed his home, his family. The past events had shaken him enough to need some safety of his own.

"Would be nice if you made yourself some of them," Mia didn't beat around the bush.

"Practicing," Cullen smirked.

Mia was the only one he could have this kind of banter with. Branson was too easily riled up and Rosalie would just be embarrassed. Out of all his siblings, he was the closest with Mia. She didn't know everything about his trauma but she knew enough to put the pieces together. Nothing ever escaped Mia's attention.

"How much practice do you need?" Mia arched an eyebrow as she maneuvered around the kitchen.

"Nothing wrong with enjoying the process," He chuckled.

"Spare the details please! There are little demons about. Maker knows they'll repeat it," She glared at him playfully.

Cullen blushed a bit at her response. The details of their sex life were a bit too intimate for young ears. Maker, even for his sister's ears. He did not want his sister knowing how he was behind closed doors. Lara was really the first to ever experience him this way. Sex before was just a release to him. He had never trusted or wanted anyone to be intimate with. Until her.

He swallowed hard as he toyed with his glass, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. There was something he needed to get off his chest, and he didn't know who else to confide in besides Mia. She was always his biggest supporter.

"Spill, unless it's about your practicing," Mia eyed him.

Maker, she still can see right through me…

"What's Uncle Cullen practicing?" His niece called out, stopping from their game.

Heat rose to his cheeks as the little demons indeed were eavesdropping despite their game. He really needed to be more careful with what he said around them. Luckily, Mia saved him.

"For the Inquisition, of course. Certain things are top secret though, so he can't tell us everything," Mia answered calmly.

"Maybe he should so the Inquisitor can get mad enough to come here and we can meet her!" His niece continued.

Cullen laughed. He couldn't help it. Images of Lara threatening him in anger came to mind, telling him off with that sassy mouth of hers. It's exactly what she would do. He suddenly shifted uncomfortably again as said images were also causing his cock to stir which is what he absolutely did not want in front of his family. Then it hit him.

"Meet her?" Cullen looked at Mia.

Now it was Mia's turn to blush. He had requested for her to keep their relationship a secret. Someone had blurted it out to his nieces and nephews it seemed.

"Don't look at me. Blame your brother. He's the one with the big mouth," Mia dismissed him.

"She's pretty Uncle Cullen," His niece continued.

"I know," He replied, smiling at her.

"Emily, dear, leave your uncle and I to talk please. No more eavesdropping or your ears will fall off," Mia glared at her playfully.

"No they won't! And I wouldn't have to eavesdrop if you all didn't talk so loud," Emily huffed as she stormed off after her cousins.

Mia rolled her eyes and Cullen bit back his laugh. His nieces and nephews were more of a handful than he last remembered but it had also been some time since he had been with his family like this. He really should visit more often. Hopefully his next visit would include Lara by his side.

"I'm not getting any younger, you know. Spill," Mia continued as she went back to her task.

"Shame. At least I'm still younger than you," Cullen teased.

A tea towel flew his way, hitting him on his jaw. Mia may not be getting younger, but her aim and strength were certainly still there. Cullen rubbed his jaw, unable to hide his smile. He didn't realize how much he missed this.

"You know the abandoned house down the road?" He continued.

"Everyone does. A bit overpriced for a house that needs some fixing up. Hence why no one's bought it. Why do you ask?" Mia answered.

"Until now," Cullen fiddled with his glass.

Suddenly the kitchen went quiet. Mia turned to him, leaving the pot on the counter. She studied him, trying to process his answer and what that meant. He saved up enough money throughout the years to buy himself a place in Ferelden. It was home to him and he knew he would end up here at some point. Having Lara by his side was another reason he bought it. Mia's eyes widened as the pieces finally clicked.

"Cullen Stanton Rutherford, are you telling me we're going to have you back home again?" Mia asked as she tried to steady herself.

"Not yet but the Inquisition won't last forever. I've left the Order permanently. I don't want anything to do with that life anymore. After the Inquisition, I think it's time to come back home," Cullen gave her a smile.

"That's a family house," Mia arched an eyebrow.

Cullen chuckled, shaking his head. Mia knew him inside and out.

"Nice to know your eyes still work in your old age," Cullen teased.

"Shame your writing abilities have deteriorated in your old age. Or do they only work for Lara?" Mia shot back.

Cullen winced slightly. Her tone was playful, but her remark still smarted. Guilt crept up on him that he sometimes didn't write to Mia for months and left her to worry about him. She was always his biggest supporter and he couldn't even give the courtesy of a letter at times.

"Alright, you can put your claws away. Point taken," Cullen replied, running a hand through his hair.

"No, I'll keep them out, thank you very much."

"I want to marry her, Mia," The words were out before he could stop it.

Again silence. Seems he was really giving her a shock lately. The unannounced visit, the house, now marriage. He was going to run her to her old age much quicker than expected at this rate. However, her answer shocked him even more.

"It's about fucking time. I was worried you would never find anyone especially after what happened to you," Mia shook her head.

He knew what she was referring to without even having to ask. Eventually as time passed, Cullen came clean to her. Only her. Branson and Rosalie were still unaware of what happened to him. It was only an overview of what occurred; she didn't need to know the gruesome details. She would only worry about him even more.

"I'm not sure if I did the right thing. I want to surprise her but now I'm doubting my decision," Cullen scrubbed his hand across his stubble.

"Doubting her?"

"Maker, no. I've never been so sure in my life. What if she doesn't want to live in Ferelden? What if this is too soon? I'm no good at this," Cullen replied with a sigh.

"Will she go back to her family in Orlais?" Mia asked, pulling out a chair to sit across from him.

"Not quite. She doesn't…" Cullen sighed again. "This is between you and me. I don't believe she's close with her family. She's lived her life as if she were on her own."

"She's from the Trevelyans, isn't she?" Mia cocked her head to the side.

"Yes, but it's complicated. I don't know the full details but there's bad blood between her and her family. She's been on her own for Maker knows how long," Cullen's voice cracked slightly.

"Poor girl," Mia shook her head.

"It's taken so long to get her to admit her feelings for me. For her to even come around and let someone in. I don't want to scare her or push her too far. Mia, I have no idea what I'm doing," Cullen buried his head in his hands.

"I never thought I'd see the day my little brother would be in love. It's almost sickening," Mia smirked.

Cullen let out a laugh. It was a nice release from the doubt that was choking him now. He was terrified of messing it all up and ruining their future together.

"You can start by bringing her here. Let her know that she's welcome here. The house is now yours Cullen and it will always be there. She can always move in when she's ready. Just give her her space and some time," Mia reached over, placing a hand on his arm.

Cullen looked at his sister and she gave him a reassuring smile. He had never thought about it like that. Doubt was a very uncomfortable feeling and it was clouding his thoughts. Perhaps he was moving too much too fast and just needed to give her time. He meant it when he said he would wait forever for her. Now it was time for him to practice what he preached.

"I told her to come with me here. I think I may have freaked her out," Cullen ran a hand through his hair again.

"At least your intentions are clear," Mia teased. "If she hasn't had a proper family, it's probably the idea of one that freaks her out, not your invitation. She may not be able to handle being with a family."

Cullen's eyes widened as he processed what his sister revealed to him. He couldn't even begin to understand what it was like not having a proper family. His parents weren't around anymore but they did their very best at making sure they were all loved and cared for. When they didn't survive, Mia took over in their place.

"Maker, I never thought of it that way," Cullen finally spoke.

"Men," Mia rolled her eyes and made her way back to the kitchen.

Cullen let out a chuckle but his mind stayed focused on Lara and her situation. How cruel it must have been to have your parents there and not care for you as they should have. Suddenly he wanted to learn more so he could understand her but he knew too many probing questions would only cause her to shut down. Time was what she needed. No one cared for her before, and he was going to change that.

—-

Cullen opened his eyes to his empty office as a shiver ran down his spine. He recalled their conversation clearly and how much Mia's words had helped him. How much they helped him now; time.

"Maker's Breath…" He muttered.

It finally clicked; Mia's letter. That letter was sent not long after his visit. He wasn't sure what the contents of the letter entailed but putting the pieces together now, Mia had formally reached out to her and invited her to Ferelden. On her brother's behalf. To let her know that a family was there waiting for her whenever she was ready. Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose. Mia was always his greatest supporter and he owed a great debt to her.

"I really need to write to her," He sighed.

Without any hesitation, he grabbed a parchment and a quill and began scribbling furiously. This was a rare moment of quiet where he could write. One moment of clear thinking where he could easily write his thoughts in black and white. It wasn't hard opening up to Mia, it never was. Sometimes, he was just too caught up in his head to formulate words. Today was not the case.