Chapter Three: Mojo's F'n Bailout Princess
Small Warning: F-Bomb overload towards the middle of the chapter. Brace yourself.
Townsville Jail. It was almost a misleading name for a place that was more of a prison or a penitentiary. It housed some of the country's most violent criminals, and it was also a frequent stop for Townsville's most infamous villains. The jail, if one were to call it that, had everything a maximum security prison would have: 20 foot electrical fences, razor sharp barbed wire on top, HD cameras watching every inmates' every move, heavily armed correctional officers, the works.
And while that in itself would prevent or at least discourage any escape attempts, Townsville's supervillains knew every last trick to get out of the place. Which was why Townsville Jail had its own unique housing unit. It worked like a normal prison's segregation unit where prisoners were in their cells 23 hours a day, but it was also built to withstand any force that any supervillain could ever use, whether it be physical, mechanical, or magical.
It was here that Mojo Jojo was headed to after once again being defeated by The Powerpuff Girls. The Special Task Forces SUV carrying him was on its way inside the facility with other normal police cars carrying other criminals deemed less dangerous than Mojo.
"Townsville Special Task Cruiser 111898 requesting entrance at Gate 5." An officer inside the SUV communicated on his walkie talkie to the main facility.
"Cruiser 111898, your entrance is recognized and granted, please proceed." The voice on the other end said.
"10-4." The officer then said on the walkie talkie as the gate opened with the SUV driving through.
Mojo Jojo, handcuffed and still very busted up and bruised after his latest beatdown from the girls, sat quietly with an angry stare on his face as the SUV pulled up to the back end of the jail, a sight Mojo is all too familiar with. He stared down at the floor of the SUV below for no apparent reason, the monkey just disgusted with his failed plans once again, especially since he thought he had the perfect one. The double doors on the SUV opened up with five correctional officers looking at Mojo, two of them with heavy shackles in their hands.
"All right, Mojo, get out of the van." One officer ordered.
Mojo, however, didn't budge a single inch or even say a single word. He continued to sport the disgusted, angry stare on his face.
"Mojo, get the fuck out of the fucking van!" Another officer demanded.
"Eat a dick." Mojo said, loud enough for the officers to hear, not even making eye contact with any of the officers.
"Mojo, do we have to call the girls here to kick your ass again?!" The second officer replied. "Now I am not asking you, I am telling you to get your mother fucking ass out of the fucking van RIGHT NOW!"
After hesitating a few more seconds, Mojo finally complied with the orders, stepping out of the van with that scowl never leaving his face, though the wounds from the beatdown from the girls made him wince a bit as he used his body to get up with the handcuffs on him.
"Mother fuckers." Mojo said to all of the cops as they took off his handcuffs and placed the shackles on his wrists and ankles.
"Look who's fucking talking." Another officer said, the five men leading Mojo into the facility where another officer was waiting, and he began patting Mojo down to ensure he wasn't bringing any contraband into the facility.
Unlike many times where Mojo came in with small high tech machinery, he was surprisingly clean that time around. Even the officer who patted him down was very shocked, but as a precaution, he did the entire pat down process from start to finish once again and got the same result.
"Shit, that's a first. Mojo's actually fucking clean." One officer said to the pat down officer.
"Never thought I'd see the day." The pat down officer said.
"All of you can go fuck yourselves." Mojo said angrily.
"Shut the fuck up, Mojo, and get your ass in there!" An officer then said as he briefly shoved Mojo with one hand from behind.
Mojo was led into a holding chamber with two other soon-to-be inmates who also both were in heavy shackles. One inmate was African-American, very athletic looking, bald and clean shaven, and was very silent but had a mean streak on his face. The other inmate was Caucasian, had long blonde hair and was toned, but he was a lot more talkative and very angry, screaming obscenities at both Mojo and the African-American.
"Fuck those Powderpuff Girls! Fuck them! Fuck them! FUCK! THEM!" The Caucasian inmate shouted.
"Tell me about it." Mojo said under his breath, not making any eye contact with either inmate with that angry scowl still on his face.
All three soon-to-be inmates sat and waited in the holding cell for roughly 20 minutes before other officers came in and grabbed them. Mojo and the other two inmates were led to the photo booth where their mugshots were taken. Nothing new for Mojo, though he couldn't stand the blinding light the shots had. Afterwards, the chimp and the two human men were led to the fingerprinting station where all ten of their fingers were printed, both electronically and the old fashioned black ink as a backup. The Caucasian male continued to scream obscenities at pretty much everyone he made eye contact with, and eventually he had to have a spitguard put on him because he started to spit on other officers and other soon-to-be inmates.
After Mojo and the other two soon-to-be inmates had their mugshots and fingerprints taken, it was time for them to be led to their cells. Since Mojo was on Townsville's supervillain list, he was led to the super special cells where he and villains like Fuzzy Lumpkins, HIM, the Gangreen Gang, among many other male villainous names were taken. Mojo was being led downstairs in his shackles with heavily armed correctional officers by his side until they finally reached his cell. They did have to undo his shackles, but to prevent any possible runaway or even escape attempt, all possible exits were locked, and the officers placed ankle bracelets on both of his ankles that would temporarily paralyze him with a push of a button.
The officers undid the shackles on Mojo and led him right to his cell, which was no larger than a walk-in closet complete with only a bed with a thin mattress on it, a toilet, and a phone, which in itself was an extremely small luxury that Townsville Jail gave its inmates. After Mojo got into the cell, the officers removed the ankle bracelets and walked away without further incident.
"All right, prisoner 040416, your bail amount is set at $10 million. You may use the provided phone…." An officer said to Mojo, addressing him by his new prisoner number.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know the fucking deal. Now please go the fuck away!" Mojo shouted out as he interrupted the officer.
"Look here, mother fucker, I am the one giving the fucking orders around here, not you!" The officer shouted right back. "I don't go the fuck away until I fucking want to, you piece of monkey shit! Now you WILL listen to me whether you want to or not! Now as I was saying, your bail amount is set at $10 million. You may use the provided phone to call whomever it is you wish, but all calls ARE recorded. You have unlimited call time, but all calls are $20 a minute. So I highly suggest you keep them short and sweet because they ARE added to your bail amount. All monies must be paid upfront, no payment plans, no down payments, no Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card, no nothing. Unless and until we receive bail money from either a bondsman or anyone else bailing you out, you will be held here until your arraignment. Do you understand everything I just explained to you?"
"Yes, asshole, I do." Mojo answered in an annoyed tone.
"Hey, watch your fucking tongue, monkeyboy." The officer warned. "Now, have you had anything to eat?" The officer then asked.
"Yes, I ate already." Mojo replied.
"Great. Then your next meal will be breakfast, 7:00 am. We will bring you trays of food three times a day, once at 7:00 am, once at noon, and once at 5:00 pm. You will have no say so on the meals we bring you. What you see is what you get. Understand?" The officer further explained.
After letting out a long annoyed sigh, Mojo let out a small "Yes."
"Great. Now because you are on our supervillain list, you have been taken here. You have no chance of joining the general population, even with good behavior. You will be in this cell 23 hours a day. We will allow you out of your cell for one hour to shower or to use the rec area. Do you understand, Mojo….um, I mean 040416?" The officer explained.
"Yes." Mojo said, still annoyed.
"Now do you have any questions?" The officer asked.
"No, I do not." Mojo answered.
"Good. Then see you in the morning. Sooner if need be. Bye." The officer said before he left.
The angry scowl never left Mojo's face. Mojo moved to sit on the edge of the bed in sheer disgust with himself after his foiled plans.
"I had the perfect fucking plan. Perfect fucking machine. The world was in my grasp, I could taste it!" And those Powerpuff Girls STILL defeated me! FUCK!" Mojo angrily said. "But I, Mojo Jojo, will not rest until those Powerpuff Girls are destroyed once and for all! And once The Powerpuff Girls are destroyed, I will be the undisputed ruler of this world! Mojo added with an evil laugh. "But first, I gotta get the fuck out of this shithole. Time to make a phone call to my bondsman. Or should I say bondsgirl."
Mojo walked over to the provided phone in his cell, which functioned every bit like a normal touch tone house phone. Every call was collect, but instead of it being attached to the recipient's phone bill, it was added to the bail amount for the inmate. And the exorbitant price of $20 a minute usually, but not always, kept repeat offenders such as Mojo at bay. But Mojo knew someone who could foot the massive bill.
He immediately dialed the number, but before he heard any ringtone, the collect call voice prompt sounded.
"At the tone, say your name, followed by the pound key." The prerecorded voice said just before the beep went off.
"Moooooojo Jojo." Mojo answered, pressing the pound key to finish his recording.
The ringtone then went off on Mojo's end as he patiently waited for an answer. Mojo's call destination was to a mansion in the heart of Downtown Townsville. It was usually private property, but occasionally, the owner of the home, an extremely wealthy man who was widely known as Daddy Morbucks, would open it up to tourists and the media.
Inside, a Samsung Galaxy S23 smartphone rang with a ringtone of "Roman's Revenge" by Nicki Minaj and Eminem playing. The person who answered it was not Daddy Morbucks, but a kindergarten-aged girl who was ridiculously spoiled and threw temper tantrums when she didn't get what she wanted. She was another enemy of the girls and the only child of Daddy Morbucks, Princess Morbucks. Huge emphasis on WAS. And for her age, Princess had one of the foulest mouths of all the children in Townsville, and when she was angry, she lacked a filter.
Princess looked at her smartphone's caller ID and saw that the name on it was shown as Private, and there was no number listed. But she pretty much knew who it was, giving an annoyed sigh and eye roll.
"Oh, fuck, not a-fucking-gain. Fuck." Princess said before she answered the phone. "Fucking speak."
"Will you accept a collect call from…." The prerecorded message spoke.
"Moooooojo Jojo." Mojo's prerecorded voice said.
Just before the prerecorded voice could go on, Princess pressed 1 on her dialpad to accept the call.
"What the fucking fuck do you fucking want, monkeyfuck?" Princess angrily asked, knowing Mojo was connected to her.
"Oh, Princess, good evening. Mojo here. I must have bail as soon as possible. My bail is set at…." Mojo replied.
"And for fucking what? So The Powerpuff Girls can fucking kick your fucking ass a-fucking-gain?!" Princess said as she interrupted Mojo. "You fucking must fucking love fucking getting your fucking monkey-fucking-ass fucking handed to you every fucking time you fucking try to fucking take over the mother fucking world!"
"Oh my God, that fucking mouth!" Mojo said in disbelief. "But enough about that. I don't have much time. Bail me out, Princess. I need this."
"Fuck no, you fucking don't, Mojo." Princess countered. "What you fucking need is some fucking time behind those fucking bars to fucking realize that you fucking can't fucking fuck with the Powerfuck…." Princess got out before she briefly covered her mouth and shook her head. "….I mean Powerpuff Girls!"
"Well, Princess, I don't fucking see you trying to succeed where I have failed!" Mojo mentioned. "One day, I WILL succeed and I WILL rule the world! But just where have YOU been, hmmmm?"
"Just in fucking case you fucking haven't fucking realized, chimpanfuck, I've fucking given the fuck up on fucking destroying The Powerpuff Girls!" Princess revealed. "I fucking just fucking can't be-fucking-lieve that I fucking wasted all these fucking years on fucking battling a fucking battle that I can't mother fucking win! All I fucking ever fucking wanted in my fucking life was to fucking be fucking accepted, and fucking trying to fucking be a fucking Powerpuff Girl only fucking got my mother fucking ass fucking kicked! And all of the…." Princess then added.
"Princess, please spare me the…." Mojo interrupted.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, MONKEYFUCK!" Princess screamed as she interrupted right back. "Don't you fucking dare inter-fucking-rupt me, you fucking hear me? I'm fucking not fucking done! All of the fucking bitching and fucking moaning and fucking crying to Daddy didn't fucking do me any fucking good! Look, I'm a fucking rich fucking bitch! I've fucking got fucking money fucking coming out of my mother fucking ass! Being a mother fucking Powerpuff Girl is so fucking over-fucking-rated! Trying to fucking stop them and fucking ruling the fucking planet is so fucking over-fucking-rated! I can fucking do any fucking thing I fucking want because I'm fucking rich! So fuck trying to fucking be a fucking villain, for as fucking long as you fucking live in this fucking city, Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup WILL fucking waltz in, fucking kick your mother fucking ass, and go the fuck home like it's a fucking ballet! You will NEVER. EVER. FUCKING. WIN. Fucking get that in that fucking big fucking ass fucking brain of yours, Mojo!"
"If you're done nuking my ears with your F-Bombs, Princess, then will you PLEASE hurry up and get me out of this shithole?!" Mojo angrily asked. "This shit is costing me $20 a fucking minute!"
"Mojo, I fucking don't fucking give a fucking flying fucking fuck, okay?" Princess said. "I fucking quit trying to fucking beat the girls, so you fucking need to as fucking well."
"What you need to realize, Princess, is that I, Mojo Jojo, am not a damn quitter!" Mojo retorted. "Your fucking pity party is one I wish not to be invited to! Now as soon as you hurry up and get me out of here, I will return to my observatory and come up with a plan so diabolical, so evil, so unstoppable, that I will reduce The Powerpuff Girls to shit! And once The Powerpuff Girls are reduced to shit and become a shitty memory, I will be the shit! And once I become the shit, all shitty mortals will bow to me, and I will rule this shitty world!" Mojo then got out preceding an evil laugh.
"Mojo, you're fucking nothing but fucking monkey-fucking-shit." Princess said. "I'm fucking going to fucking come up with a fucking plan so fucking diabolical, so fucking evil…." Princess then got out as she mocked Mojo, then switching back to her normal voice. "Don't you fucking realize that that is the 37th fucking time you've fucking said that fucking bullshit, chimfuckzee? I fucking actually fucking counted. I've fucking come up with fucking plans to fucking stop them my-fucking-self in the fucking past! Let's see, bought a fucking gold suit and fucking fought them at fucking school. Nope, that didn't fucking work. Actually fucking became fucking mayor of this fucking city and fucking made crime fucking legal. Nope, that didn't fucking work either. I fucking was fucking fortunate that I fucking didn't fucking start a fucking real-life fucking Purge! I fucking hired your fucking ass and fucking paid you a fucking fortune to fucking destroy them. Nope, that still didn't fucking work. And that fucking fortune has been fucking wiped the fuck out be-fucking-cause your dumb fucking ass won't fucking stop fucking trying! Oh, and need I fucking mention that I fucking tried to fucking bomb the girls on their fucking birthday! That didn't fucking work either! So Mojo, my fucking answer to you is….FUCK NO! I am NOT fucking bailing you the fuck out this time! You can fucking kiss the fucking whitest fucking part of my mother fucking ass!"
"WAIT! PRINCESS! Don't hang up, please!" Mojo pleaded. "Let's make a deal, shall we?"
"And just who the fucking fuck are you now, monkeyfuck? Monty Fucking Hall? Wayne Fucking Brady?" Princess asked. "Fuck your fucking deal and fuck you!"
"Princess, just hear…." Mojo then got out.
"Look, I fucking actually fucking like being on the fucking right fucking side of the fucking law, be-fucking-lieve it or fucking not." Princess said as she interrupted Mojo. "The girls are fucking slowly but fucking surely trusting me. I'm their fucking frenemy now and I fucking couldn't be more fucking proud! Daddy and I are fucking donating to fucking charities. I'm a fucking straight fucking A fucking student! Even Robin, who I fucking tattled on and fucking tried to fucking turn against the girls, has fucking forgiven me! Even the fucking Professor, Ms. Fucking Keane, Ms. Fucking Bellum, and the fucking mayor himself can't be-fucking-lieve the turnaround I've fucking done! The fucking mayor is even fucking considering expunging my fucking criminal record! So yeah, I'm now a fucking law-fucking-abiding fucking citizen!
"Whoop-de-fucking-do." Mojo said, sounding unimpressed. "Now enough of your foolish F-Bomb laden rants! Just get me out of here already!"
Princess paused for a moment, then let out a long sigh.
"Aaaargh, all fucking right, Mofuck Jofuck. I fucking guess I can fucking get you the fuck out this fucking time so I can fucking go get some fucking popcorn and fucking watch the girls fucking kick your fucking ass again. Then of fucking course, you fucking will fucking be right fucking back in fucking jail fucking crying your fucking eyes out be-fucking-cause the girls fucking fucked you the fuck up!
"I promise you, Princess, that once I am back, you will BEG to be a part of my evil empire!" Mojo told Princess. "And you'll fucking have to fucking give me a fucking good fucking reason why I fucking should fucking let you into my fucking evil mother fucking empire." Mojo then added before he facepalmed and shook his head. "Damnit, now you got me doing that shit."
"What-fucking-ever, fuckpanzee." Princess said with an annoyed look. "I'll fucking get Daddy to fucking write the fucking million fucking dollar fucking check to fucking bail your fucking ass the fuck out. Plus all this fucking time you've fucking spent fucking flapping your fucking gums at me."
"Um, actually, Princess, about that bail, well, um…." Mojo then said with a deep breath, scared at the type of reaction he may get.
"What is it, monkeyfuck?! Fucking spit it the fuck out al-fucking-ready!" Princess demanded. "It's just the fucking one fucking million fucking dollars, right?!"
"Um, no, it's actually…." Mojo got out before taking another deep breath before continuing. "….TEN million dollars."
Princess threw her head back and opened up her eyes wide, her jaw dropping.
"TEN FUCKING MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS?!" Princess screamed. "ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME NOW?! ARE YOU FUCKING OUT OF YOUR MOTHER FUCKING MIND?! DO YOU FUCKING ACTUALLY FUCKING THINK THAT I'M FUCKING GOING TO FUCKING TELL DADDY TO FUCKING WRITE A FUCKING CHECK FOR TEN FUCKING MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS TO FUCKING BAIL YOUR FUCKING ASS THE FUCK OUT, ONLY FOR YOU TO FUCKING GET YOUR MOTHER! FUCKING! ASS! KICKED! A-FUCKING-GAIN?!" Princess further screamed, having to clear her throat to make sure she still kept her voice.
"But wait, Princess, this is where that deal I was talking about comes in, so just hear me out, please!" Mojo begged.
"For fucking ten fucking million fucking dollars, fuck to the fuck no." Princess replied. "Fucking great to fucking talk to you, monkeyfuck. Fuck you and fucking have a nice fucking day."
"Wait, no! Please! Hear me out on this, I beg of you!" Mojo further pleaded. "If you bail me out this time and I fail to destroy The Powerpuff Girls, I swear you will never see or hear from me again! But WHEN I succeed, I swear that you will either BEG me to spare you or be in my evil empire! Because we both know that deep down inside, you STILL want to destroy The Powerpuff Girls after everything they've done to you! Don't fucking lie!"
"No I fucking don't, Mojo!" Princess screamed. "You fucking listen to me, you fucking piece of monkey-fucking-shit, and you fucking listen fucking good! This is FUCKING IT! THE. VERY. LAST. FUCKING. STRAW! The fucking point of no fucking return, you fucking hear me?! Daddy will fucking write the fucking ten fucking million plus fucking talk time to fucking bail your fucking ass the fuck out. But fucking mark my mother fucking words, monkeyfuck! When you fucking fail a-fucking-gain, you are FUCKING on your FUCKING own! Do you fucking under-fucking-stand me?!"
"Yes, I understand completely, Princess." Mojo said without hesitation. "Now will you get me the fuck out of here?!"
"Hang fucking tight, Mojo. I'm on my fucking way." Princess said before she hung up her phone.
As Mojo pondered on the do-or-die deal that he made with Princess, Princess looked at the time spent talking to Mojo, which turned out to be 35 minutes. She quickly calculated the talk time she would need to add, which came out to be $700. Princess nodded and made the short walk to the living room where Daddy Morbucks was on his computer with several massive screens with different trading platforms and watching all sorts of patterns with Barrett Strong's "Money (That's What I Want)" faintly playing in the background on repeat. He also had a TV show up on investing and stocks so he could further hone his money making craft. Princess tapped her father on his knee to get his attention, Daddy Morbucks looking down at his daughter.
"Daddy, Mojo needs bail. Need $10 million plus $700. Write the check, please." Princess requested.
Without saying a word, Daddy Morbucks pressed a few keys on his own Samsung Galaxy S23 smartphone and a nearby wireless printer activated with the check perfectly printed, which Princess took.
"Thank you, Daddy. Love you." Princess said before she then made a quick phone call to her chauffeur, Carmichael.
"Carmichael, Princess needing a ride to Townsville Jail." Princess said over the phone.
And within a few minutes, the huge limousine pulled up with Princess entering it. Inside of the limo, Princess turned on her radio, which played 50 Cent's "I Get Money" as Carmichael was being eerily silent as usual, not speaking until he was spoken to. He made the very short drive over to Townsville Jail and parked in a far away space where he wouldn't be in anyone's way, Princess getting out.
"Will need a ride to Mojo's observatory too, Carmichael. I'll be right back." Princess said as Carmichael simply nodded.
Princess went straight into the lobby of the jail to do the usual things to bail out Mojo, then she had to wait in the lobby for the booking process to be reversed before Mojo was released. When Mojo was dressed normally and finished his release, he came out to the lobby where Princess was waiting on him, Mojo smiling at her as they both walked out and went back into the limo.
"Thank you so much, Princess." Mojo said. "You shan't regret this."
"For fucking ten fucking million fucking dollars, I fucking already fucking do, monkeyfuck!" Princess replied as she began to use a nail buffer to do a slight manicure on her fingernails. "But I fucking know I fucking won't have to fucking do this a-fucking-gain!"
"Just curious, Princess, do The Powerpuff Girls know you're the one who's been bailing me out all this time?" Mojo asked.
"Of fucking course, chimpanfuck!" Princess confirmed. "They've fucking actually fucking encouraged it! Blossom fucking said, and I fucking quote, "The more Mojo's out of jail, the more we can kick his ass. It just never gets old."" Princess added with a laugh. "They're fucking going to fucking miss…."
Mojo reached for the radio and turned it on, the song "Go! Monkey Go!" by Devo playing, interrupting Princess, with Mojo starting to dance and sing along to it.
"Devo! This is my shit!" Mojo said as Princess looked at him angrily.
"Oh hell fucking no!" Princess then got out. "You fucking didn't fucking just fucking touch my fucking radio!"
"Devo is just some great fucking music! Go monkey go!" Mojo then said.
"Devo's fucking going to fucking get you a fucking great fucking ass whoopin'!" Princess then said to Mojo. "Don't you fucking ever fucking touch a fucking rich fucking bitch's fucking radio, fuckpanzee! You can fucking do that in what-fucking-ever fucking zoo you're fucking from, but you fucking can fucking get your fucking ass fucking killed out here, fuckboy!" Princess added. "I'm fucking going to fucking show you some fucking real fucking music!"
Princess changed the song, and Megan Thee Stallion's "Girls In The Hood" began to play with Princess dancing and singing along to it with Mojo just rolling his eyes and facepalming again. Carmichael also sighed up front, shaking his head in disgust.
"So young. So angry. Damn that rap music." Carmichael then got out to himself as he made the final turns to Mojo's observatory.
Carmichael parked in front of Mojo's observatory with Mojo waving goodbye to Princess, who gave a small wave goodbye as if she was shooing him away.
"Thank you again, Princess. I'll see you soon!" Mojo said.
"Thank you my fucking ass, Mojo! This is fucking it, okay? A fucking deal is a fucking deal." Princess warned him.
"Yes, and it shan't be wasted." Mojo replied.
"Good. Now good-fucking-bye." Princess said just as Mojo got out of the limo and made the long climb up to his observatory, Carmichael and Princess leaving.
END OF CHAPTER THREE
Music Credits
Song Artist/Source: Nicki Minaj featuring Eminem
Song Title/Source: Roman's Revenge
Year Song Released: 2010
When Played: Princess Morbucks's ringtone.
Song Artist/Source: Barrett Strong
Song Title/Source: Money (That's What I Want)
Year Song Released: 1959
When Played: In the background inside of Daddy Morbucks's living room with his computers and TV.
Song Artist/Source: 50 Cent
Song Title/Source: I Get Money
Year Song Released: 2007
When Played: Inside of Princess Morbucks's limo on the way to pick up Mojo Jojo.
Song Artist/Source: Devo
Song Title/Source: Go! Monkey Go!
Year Song Released: 2000
When Played: Inside of Princess Morbucks's limo on the way back from picking up Mojo Jojo.
Song Artist/Source: Megan Thee Stallion
Song Title/Source: Girls In The Hood
Year Song Released: 2020
When Played: Inside of Princess Morbucks's limo on the way back from picking up Mojo Jojo.