Chapter Twenty-Four: Welcome To The ImpossiPit
Warning: A very slight suicide reference/implication in this chapter, may trigger. Brace yourself.
The scene shifted from the flashy, bustling streets of Townsville to a seemingly infinitely dark abyss. It was so pitch black that nothing could be seen at all. That was until a small spotlight appeared on a motionless body. It was the body of the nefarious archenemy of The Powerpuff Girls, Mojo Jojo himself.
Mojo Jojo was seen laying down on the ground in an unknown place, and after a minute or two, Mojo's eyes began to open very slowly. He groaned, grunted, and winced heavily in pain as he struggled quite a bit to get to his own two feet, even unable to lift his head up properly without feeling rushes of pain. The chimpanzee was in a lot of pain after the epic battle inside of the Temple of Reckoning with Simon Bar Sinister and Cad Lackey. He had to really fight through the excruciating pain, but after several minutes, he managed to get on his feet properly.
"Oh, my neck. My back. My neck and my back." Mojo said in a very weakened voice.
Other than the small spotlight on him, Mojo saw nothing but total darkness around him, rubbing his eyes and shaking off a few leftover cobwebs to ensure he wasn't seeing things or that his eyes weren't still closed.
"Just where the hell am I?" Mojo asked himself.
"Hell!" A voice nearby said, which startled Mojo heavily. "That is the perfect way to describe where you are at this current juncture."
Suddenly, the pitch black abyss lit up brightly, momentarily blinding Mojo. It revealed a very large hexagon-shaped room complete with writings and pictures on the six-sided walls. There was also a ladder that went through a very high tunnel. Mojo looked around with fear on his face, his breathing matching said fear as he tried to process the sheer gravity of the situation.
"Wow, it has been centuries since I've had company here. Thought I'd never see the day again. It's so awesome to meet a new soul after so long." The voice said, the source revealing itself.
It was an extremely malnourished and pale man with a ghostly-like appearance. He was lighting up a cigarette as he looked over at Mojo just shaking and quivering in fear.
"You mean….I have departed from the ranks of the living and have descended to the location of the eternally damned, that is to say, the lake of fire, as spoken of in many variations of the Holy Bible?" Mojo asked the man, who could only let out a laugh at that.
"No, you haven't. Yet. You are still amongst the living for just a little longer." The man answered with Mojo sighing in relief.
"Shit, you scared me half to death a minute ago." Mojo said as the man laughed again.
"Death. It is what will eventually happen to you because you made it here, sir." The man said with a laugh before clearing his throat. "Wow, where are my manners? You may call me….Emery." The man then introduced.
"Mojo Jojo is my name, but Emery, just what the hell is this place?" Mojo introduced then asked.
"I'm glad you asked, Mojo." Emery replied. "You are in The Pit Where There Is No Such Thing As Hope, Faith Is A Delusion, Nothing Is Possible, Survival Chances Are Nil, And Where A Person's Final Place On Earth Shall Reside. But it is more commonly known as….The ImpossiPit. Welcome to die, Mojo!" Emery finished.
"Holy shit…." Mojo said in disbelief. "How in the fuck did I end up here?"
"I don't know, you tell me, Mojo." Emery responded. "What do you remember doing before this moment?"
"Hmmm, let's see." Mojo said as he tapped and rubbed his chin in thought. "I was in the Temple of Reckoning on my way to procuring the Forbidden Necklace and the Bracelets of Despair when I ran into these two assholes whose names I cannot recollect now. I kicked their asses, but then The Powerpuff Girls showed up out of nowhere and tried to stop me." Mojo added, trying to think more. "But fuck, I am drawing a blank after that."
Emery simply let out another laugh and took a puff from his cigarette.
"Cigarette?" Emery offered.
"No thank you." Mojo declined.
"Well, it sounds like to me, Mojo, that you were the one who got his ass kicked, and those two "assholes" threw you down here after they procured the jewelry." Emery speculated. "This place was sealed up centuries ago after a battle from far away concluded and descendants and ancestors of the now deceased guardians of the jewelry built the Temple of Reckoning to stop anyone on the planet from getting the jewelry. Shit, I don't even know what century we're in now, but apparently they didn't do a good enough job seeing as you and those two "assholes" were able to get inside of the Temple of Reckoning to begin with." Emery then explained.
"We're in the 21st Century, Emery. The year is 2025 A.D." Mojo revealed.
"Wow, does time fly or what? I kept thinking we only made it to the 18th Century by now." Emery said with a laugh. "But alas, I must say that I'm glad you came, Mojo. It does get lonely down here sometimes." Emery then got out.
"Well, how did you get here?" Mojo asked.
"Aaaaah, my favorite question!" Emery answered. "Glad to tell you. Well, there is a place up there, way up there that was ruled by one male and three females." Emery said as he pointed up to the sky. "They ruled that place with an iron fist. I was part of a rebel group that tried to stop them, but I sadly failed. I perished, as you can plainly see. I was the first soul to be sent here. Somebody had to be given immortality to keep company to other souls that have had this unfortunate thing happen to them, and they were nice enough to use the jewelry to grant that to me."
"Wow." Mojo said, still in disbelief.
"It's comical that you say "hell," because Mojo, you are number six. Six. Six." Emery said preceding a long laugh.
"You mean the number of the beast that is widely associated with the ruler of the eternally damned location?" Mojo inquired.
"Yep, that one." Emery answered. "Or if you don't want to associate yourself with that, you can just say, um, how does it go? Oh yeah, illuminati confirmed!" Emery added with a long laugh. "Either way, congratulations, Mojo! Your grand prize is your death!"
"All right, Emery, enough of your sickening morbid humor!" Mojo said with determination in his voice. "I fully intend to leave this place at once to resume my pursuit of my goals of ruling the world. So tell me how to get out so I can leave you be for eternity."
Emery couldn't help but laugh hard at Mojo's words with Mojo looking at him as if he had some screws loose.
"Emery, are those fucking cigarettes you're smoking or is it cigaweed?" Mojo asked. "Because you, sir, are officially fucking crazy!"
"No, no, I promise you these are just regular, plain ol' menthol cigarettes. I'm a chain smoker, Mojo. I smoke like a fucking chimney. So if you hate secondhand smoke, too bad. Don't ask me where I get my cigarettes. It's….complicated." Emery replied before clearing his throat. "But Mojo, listen. Did you hear anything I just said? You are in the final place you will ever see on Earth. This is merely a pit stop on your way to the afterlife because hope, faith, and survival don't exist here. You can forget about the simple pleasures such as food, water, and sleep. I haven't ate or drank anything in centuries, as you can see. And sleep? You try falling asleep and you WILL wake back up, trust me. So take these last few moments to reminisce on the life of Mojo Jojo." Emery added before a long laugh.
"No, no, no, I am NOT hearing this!" Mojo said to dismiss Emery's words.
"So tell me what you wanna do, get to know one another? I have sooooo many stories I can tell you. What about play cards? I am a fucking beast at UNO. Listen to music? I don't give a shit, I'll do whatever." Emery suggested.
"Impossibility is the only fucking illusion here. I am sure I'll wake up from this fucking nightmare sooner or later." Mojo said. "There has got to be a way out of this fucking place."
"Sure, there is Mojo." Emery countered. "But you'll never live to tell about it because the way out is sweet, sweet….DEATH! Everybody dies here. Speaking of everybody…."
Emery snapped his fingers and in an instant, the instrumental to The Backstreet Boys' "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" played with Emery doing very basic dances like the Robot, the Egyptian Dance, the Squat Dance, among other dances to show himself off. Mojo simply rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, shaking his head in disgust as he watched Emery just dance without a care in the world. When Emery was finished, he snapped his fingers and the music shut off, Emery laughing again with Mojo still just shaking his head.
"Jesus Christ, you have lost your fucking mind!" Mojo said.
"Well, I'm here until the end of time and beyond, Mojo, so let me have some fun, okay?" Emery said. "But Mojo, including me, there have been 665 souls that have come here. All 665 of us have met our demise here in the ImpossiPit. Most of us just reminisce. Some of us just get it over with quickly. If you'll follow me back here, I have a noose and some fentanyl if you want to unalive…." Emery got out.
"FUCK THAT!" Mojo screamed out, interrupting Emery. "I do not intend to be number 666! I'll find a way out of this godforsaken place or die trying! I will NEVER resort to drastic measures such as those!"
Emery laughed again, having to catch his breath a bit.
"Die trying is the likely outcome. Excellent choice of words there, Mojo!" Emery said. "You're gonna like the way you die. I guarantee it." Emery then added as he did an impersonation of George Zimmer, laughing again.
Emery simply caught his breath from laughing so hard, reaching over to grab himself another cigarette as Mojo just continued to look on in disgust and disbelief.
"All right, Mojo. I've had my fun for the time being. I'm done bullshitting with you." Emery then said preceding a few lingering laughs as Mojo's ears perked up.
"Thank God!" Mojo said.
"If you REALLY believe in your heart of hearts that you can do the impossible, then sure. There's actually not one, but two ways you can escape the clutches of the ImpossiPit. Would you like to know?" Emery asked.
"Yes, and no more of your crazy ass, twisted ass humor, just fucking tell me!" Mojo replied.
"Shit, why so serious?" Emery asked. "Very well. Escape path number one, and I don't mean urination…." Emery then got out.
"Emery!" Mojo shouted, Emery chuckling a bit before clearing his throat.
"Sorry, Mojo, couldn't resist. Anyway, take a look at the walls surrounding you, Mojo. There are approximately 7,117 languages that are known to man. These walls contain every single one of them. I hope you're multilingual, Mojo!" Emery revealed. "But it does not stop there. There's a good mix of Morse code, binary code, ASCII code, Braille code, and a large mix of Digraph, Vigenere, Rosicrucian, Dice, Columnar, and Francis Bacons Substitution ciphers in there. And to further mindfuck you, all that shit is sprinkled in with pictures that you have to make out. If you can somehow do all that, you have to unscramble the secret phrase you will have to shout out to get a teleporter to appear that will take you back to the Temple of Reckoning. Don't ask me what the phrase is, Mojo. I have no fucking clue what it is. So there you are, Mojo. Now that…." Emery finished.
"Tell me the other way, Emery." Mojo demanded as he just looked at the extremely complex walls of letters, numbers, and pictures.
"Wow, quite the testy one, aren't you?" Emery said. "Escape path number two, and I don't mean defecation…." Emery then got out before Mojo gave him a mean look. "Um, yeah. The second way out, you see that ladder and that tunnel there? You can make the 40 story climb out of here and get back to the Temple of Reckoning. But be warned…."
"Say no more, Emery. I shall be taking the climb." Mojo said, interrupting Emery as he made a beeline towards the ladder. "I wish I could say it was nice to meet you, but I certainly cannot and will not because it was not. Fuck you and have a nice fucking day." Mojo added.
"Not so fast, my friend!" Emery said with a spot on impersonation of Lee Corso. "But wait, there's more!" Emery added, this time with a spot on impersonation of Billy Mays. "How's about a little trivia, Mojo? What is the second planet from the Sun?" Emery then asked.
"I DO NOT have time for this shit, Emery! I have a world to takeover!" Mojo said as he started to climb.
"Mojo, Mojo, Mojo! Answer my question! What is the second planet from the Sun?" Emery asked again, Mojo letting out an annoyed growl.
"Venus, you fucking moron, now bye!" Mojo finally answered.
"Slow your role, Mojo!" Emery said. "That climb up is a spot on replica of the Venusian atmosphere! Can you imagine going through 900 degree Fahrenheit heat, pressure that is 92 times that of Earth, raining sulfuric acid, and CO2 air that you cannot breathe?" Emery warned.
Mojo opened his eyes wide, his jaw dropping, the grim reality starting to sink right in. He let go of the ladder and just stood still in total silence.
"Yeah, didn't think so!" Emery got out before he let out yet another long laugh.
"Fuck, if I only still had my equipment I used to penetrate the layers. That Venusian atmosphere was one of the layers!" Mojo pondered.
"Buuuuut you don't, and after a short climb up, presto, you're dead!" Emery got out preceding another long laugh. "So you have three options at this point, Mojo. You can either try to crack this code, which you won't, and just die oh so painfully slow from starvation and thirst. Or you can let literally Hell on Earth, or, well, Hell on Venus fry you extra crispy. Or, of course, the noose and/or the fentanyl will be waiting back here should you need it. All three options will result in your death. Take as much time as you need to think about it because that's all you got now, my simian friend, before you succumb to this place. And I'll be alone again sadly. I will cherish my time with you!" Emery finished.
Mojo just stood in utter silence as he realized just what predicament he was in. It still hadn't fully sunk in. He had fallen into a place where there was no escape. Or at least, no escape alive. A place that was far more merciless and cruel than any prison that he had been in. A place that had a boa constrictor-like grip on anyone that had entered. Losing the battle to Simon Bar Sinister cost him literally everything, and his death was certain. He walked around the ImpossiPit and just ran his hand on the walls, looking over at the ladder and letting out a long gulp and a few deflated sighs.
"Mojo, it's okay to cry. The other 664 souls and I all did when we came here. This IS a death sentence after all." Emery said with a laugh to break the eerie silence.
"Crying is for pussies, Emery." Mojo got out. "I bet if I study this fucking wall long enough, I can decipher it. Time to put this big brain of mine to work!" Mojo then said with determination.
"Sure thing, Mojo! Please don't let me stop you! I believe in you!" Emery said out loud as he applauded. "To fucking die in this place." Emery added under his breath.
"Thanks for the vote of confidence I guess, Emery." Mojo said as he looked over at the wall to see where to start.
"Of course, my man! Here, I've got the perfect motivational song for your adventure, check this out!" Emery mentioned.
Emery snapped his fingers again, and "I Don't Give A Fuck" by Lil' Jon and the East Side Boyz played. Emery danced and sung along to the very catchy hook of the song. When the song came on, it startled Mojo, the chimpanzee looking over at Emery with an angry look.
"Shit, Emery, turn that shit off!" Mojo shouted.
The song drowned out Mojo's voice and Emery couldn't hear him. As Emery began to sing along to the second verse, Mojo angrily walked over to Emery to get his attention, grabbing his shoulders.
"EMERY!" Mojo shouted in Emery's face as Emery snapped his fingers again, the song coming off.
"What, don't like rap, Mojo? I've got a huge fucking soundtrack of every genre known to man, billions of songs!" Emery said with a smile. "Just tell me what you want, I've got it!"
"No fucking music necessary, Emery! I must have total, complete, undivided attention to this fucking wall! My life depends on it!" Mojo replied.
"Awww, you're gonna be one of those souls who's boring and uninteresting and will thoroughly bring me about to a state of unconsciousness." Emery said with a slight smirk. "But no matter. We will go our separate ways in due time. Whether I give a fuck or not remains to be seen. Oh, and again, don't ask me how I get my music. It's….complicated."
"Emery, I couldn't give a shit less. I will free myself using the code and I won't remember your name or face again!" Mojo responded.
"Good! Then have right at it, my chimp pal!" Emery encouraged. "I'll just be right here smoking my cigs. If you want me, holler at me! Good luck! You WILL need every last bit of it."
Mojo walked right back over to the large and cryptic wall, putting his very large brain to work to try and decipher the maze full of letters, numbers, and pictures, aiming to be only the first to escape the clutches of the unforgiving domain known as the ImpossiPit and live to tell about it.
END OF CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Music Credits
Song Artist/Source: Doom
Song Title/Source: Suspense
Year Song Released: 1993
When Played: During the entire time inside of the ImpossiPit, right when the lights come on.
Song Artist/Source: Backstreet Boys
Song Title/Source: Everybody (Backstreet's Back) (Instrumental)
Year Song Released: 1997
When Played: Played by Emery inside of the ImpossiPit.
Song Artist/Source: Lil' Jon And The East Side Boyz featuring Mystikal and Krayzie Bone
Song Title/Source: I Don't Give A Fuck
Year Song Released: 2002
When Played: Played by Emery inside of the ImpossiPit.