"'Cause they got the cages, they got the boxes and guns

They are the hunters, we are the foxes– and we run

Baby, I know places we won't be found"

– I Know Places, T.S.

Mila

Holy shit. Holy shit. We almost just got incinerated, I almost did so voluntarily, and even more shocking than all of that, Daryl kissed me. Definitely as a "we almost died so let me do something reckless with this adrenaline" move, but I'll take what I can get. I'll be riding off the high of the memory for months, maybe even years, if I play my cards right. For someone who pretends to be so emotionally stunted, he sure managed to convey a hell of a lot of tenderness and passion in ten seconds. I can still feel the ghost of his hips laying in between my thighs, his scruff brushing my cheek. Of course, we haven't addressed it at all since we took off but, selfishly, I hadn't been able to think of anything else. As if reading my mind, he turned to look at me for the first time since. Shit. Here it comes. "That meant nothin', sorry. Just an impulsive decision because I thought I was dyin'. I would've done the same thing to Rick if he'd been here instead." Totally plausible.

"Hey, why'd you tell me to open my mouth during the blast? And cover my ears?"

Oh. Guess we were still hitting snooze on addressing the elephant in the room. Well, that was more than fine with me– it lets me live in my delusional fantasy a little bit longer.

"It helps equalize the incoming pressure from the explosion, hopefully keeping your eardrums from bursting." He frowned at my explanation.

"Why the hell would they need to teach a nurse that?" His question gave me pause, racking my brain for the context I learned this in. Maybe as part of my trauma certification? I shrugged.

"I don't know, but aren't you glad they did?"

He grunted an affirmation in response and we went back to quietly watching the buildings and broken stoplights fly by, occasionally swerving around the undead stumbling into the road. We followed the RV as it pulled over, just outside of the city, and reconvened with everyone, trying to come up with a plan forward before finally coming to a consensus that we should just drive until we couldn't anymore.

"I think we should lose the truck," Daryl spoke up to Rick, making my heart sink. Great, he doesn't even want to be around me now– can't even handle sitting alone with me. I forced a neutral expression to stay on my face, despite the sting of rejection. "Uses too much gas. Be better off on the bike." He gestured behind him to Merle's motorcycle, sitting untouched and tethered in the truck bed.

I walked off, not wanting to hear the rest of the conversation or see the pitying look in Daryl's eyes as he told me to go with someone else. Carol was standing around next to Rick's car, Sophia laying in the backseat, napping.

"Hey, how are we doing over here?"

What a dumb question. But when tied up, my brain defaulted to small talk mode. Definitely a habit from working crazy ass shifts in the hospital and needing to have my mouth go on autopilot to buy me time to think. To my patients and families, I'd be all smiles and pleasantries but inside, I'd be doing titration calculations or mentally prioritizing which worst case scenario was most likely to happen next. Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.

"Oh, you know. We're still here," Carol said with a small smile. Her eyes glanced over to make sure Sophia was still peacefully resting. "Somehow."

"Yeah, somehow indeed. Did I hear Rick yell 'grenade'? Where the hell did we find that?" Did epidemiologists keep spare explosives as contingency plans now?

"I found it in Rick's pocket while doing laundry and thought it might come in handy one day. Carried it around in my bag until I thought we needed it." She threw an eyeroll and a wry smile in my direction. "You should've heard it though– I told Rick I thought I had something we could use and Shane goes, 'I don't think a nail file's gonna do it.'" She put on an overly macho, Southern accent as an exaggerated impression of Shane that had me dying laughing. I put my hands over my mouth, trying to keep the sound minimal as we were still out in the open.

"No he didn't!"

"Oh yes, he did. Even with two minutes on the clock left to live, he still managed to find a way to be a misogynistic asshole." My laughter was dying down and I glanced over at him to see him standing in his typical, self important manner. Daryl caught my gaze and started walking over to us, my heartbeat viscerally picking up speed in my chest. I tore my eyes away and looked back at Carol to reply.

"Shocking, but not surprising."

"Hey, you comin'?" Daryl's question appeared to be directed at me, confusing me greatly.

"What? I thought you were taking the bike." Was he fucking with me or something? He looked at me weirdly before continuing.

"Yeah, I am. I figured you'd ride on the back." He chewed on his cheek and looked off into the distance, looking… nervous? "You don't have to, though, if you'd rather ride in the RV." He shrugged in a way that gave nonchalance on paper, but didn't quite translate in reality.

"No, I'll go with you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," I responded with a smile.

Fuck yeah. Was seeing him on a motorcycle going to fuck me up and add fuel to the fire of this schoolgirl crush I had going on? Absolutely, but damn what a thrill. I'd have been a fool to turn it down.

I headed over to the truck, removing my backpack from its spot on the floor, before heading to the back where the bike had already been removed from the bed. Daryl was straddling the seat, the engine roaring to life as a cigarette dangled from his lips. Fuck. What a sight. The handlebars were up high, causing his shoulders to flex as he gripped them, and he looked more confident than I'd ever seen him, like the madness in his head had finally disappeared. I'm pretty sure an audible sigh slipped out of me, but thankfully he couldn't have heard it over the deafening sound. At least, I hoped not.

I hesitated next to him, unsure of where my hands should go, and suddenly second guessed the close contact– not because I didn't want to touch Daryl, but because I wanted to touch him too much and I was worried he'd somehow be able to feel that. He, mercifully, hasn't hit me with the post-kiss let down yet and I wasn't trying to speed it up by making him uncomfortable. Don't be weird, I thought, just be normal. As if I remembered what normal is when he looks like that. He stubbed out the cigarette butt, before glancing at me and repeating his question from earlier.

"You comin'?"

Guess I'd been hesitating for longer than I thought I was. I wordlessly nodded before putting my hands on his shoulders and throwing my leg over. I shifted, getting comfortable, and wrapped my arms around Daryl's waist while still keeping a fair bit of space in between us. No need to use this as an excuse to rub up on him like a cat in heat. He turned to look over his shoulder at me, rolling his eyes before using his large hands to grab my thighs– like he had in the car– to pull me forward, flush against his back.

"You're gonna fall off if you sit like that."

And with that, he twisted the throttle, thrusting us forward and making me reflexively tighten my hold on him. My cheek pressed against the cool leather of his vest and I could feel my cheeks burning, confirming that I was grinning like an idiot.

—-

Daryl

We'd gotten farther than I thought we would with the piece of shit cars we had, until we hit a roadblock on the highway. A semi had flipped at some point, keeping everyone else from moving forward and turning the foreseeable mile into a frozen in time cemetery. Corpses sat in their cars and scattered along the side of the road, like they were still waiting for traffic to inch forward. Mila and I had been riding ahead of the line, able to pick up more speed with less weight, but Dale had slowed the RV, unable to see a path through. I looped back around and maneuvered through the debris on the road, pulling us right next to him.

"See a way through?" Dale asked me through the RV's open window. I nodded and flicked my head over my shoulder, indicating for him to follow me. It was going fine too, until the damn radiator hose blew again– causing steam and smoke to flood out of the hood.

"I said it, didn't I say it? A thousand times. Dead in the water," Dale huffed as he exited the vehicle. I had already pulled off to the side, turning off the bike and letting Mila get off before standing myself.

"Problem, Dale?" Being observant wasn't Shane's strong suit.

"Just a small matter of being stuck in the middle of nowhere with no hope-" Dale stopped himself as he saw me popping a car trunk to sift through the forgotten belongings.

"There has to be stuff here we can use, right?" Mila asked, looking to Dale then to me. "This place looks relatively untouched since… this… happened." This being the absolute carnage we were surrounded by.

"I can siphon some fuel from these cars," T-Dog added, walking around to try and find a good target.

"Maybe some water?" Carol spoke up. Spending some time scavenging here might not be the worst thing.

"This is a graveyard," Lori added, disapproving and making me scowl. What exactly were we supposed to do– call a tow truck? "I don't know how I feel about this." Her words hung heavy in the air, as I looked around and tried to estimate how much gas we could take with us if we checked every car.

"Well… if it were me and I didn't make it, I would at least want someone else to make use of my stuff to survive." Mila's words were genuine and understanding. "Wouldn't you?"

Lori thought about it before meeting Mila's eye to give her a conceding nod, and I turned back to the bag I was rifling through.

"Come on, y'all– let's look around," Shane's voice called out. I rolled my eyes with my back turned, unseen by him but obviously noticed by Mila as she giggled. The sound made me smile back and sent pride coursing through my veins. She walked around to the passenger door and as she pulled it open, my throat went dry.

"Wait, don't!" I barked out, but it was too late. She gasped and froze.

"Oh, God…"

I had just opened a bag filled to the brim of baby supplies– bottles, diapers, formula. The car seat wasn't visible from where I'd been standing, but the way she was staring in horror at the backseat indicated she'd found a gruesome scene. I grabbed her elbow and gently pulled her away, turning her around so it wasn't in her eyeline anymore.

"The mom… and then the baby was trapped back there… she… she…"

Her eyes filled with tears, but there was no apology this time. She just leaned her forehead forward and rested it on my collarbone as I wrapped an arm around her back. I didn't really know how to be comforting, considering I've never exactly been on the other side of it, but tried to copy what I've seen other people do. After a minute, she stood back up and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I'm not gonna say sorry because you'll yell at me," she gave me a sad smile, as if trying to make me feel better for what she saw, "but I'm gonna go tackle a different car." I nodded, stepping back to put space between us.

"I've got this," I affirmed. I could handle looking through the rest of this crime scene if it meant she wouldn't have to. She walked away and I watched her go, making a mental note of which vehicle was heading toward. "Keep your knife out!" I called after her, knowing that some of these people probably weren't dead for good– yet. She didn't answer me, but I saw her pull out the knife that I'd handed to her back at camp and hold it the way I'd taught her. Another swell of pride flooded me. I relished it before moving back to the trunk, pulling out a box containing water bottles and snacks. If every car was as stocked as this one, we'd be living easy for the next month, at least.

"Daryl!" Glenn hissed and pointed over my shoulder to warn me of the herd of walkers heading our way– more than I'd ever seen in one place. Carol and Lori were scrambling under a car while Rick was running for Carl. Shit. They were about fifty feet away now. Looking around, heart racing, I find Mila, blissfully unaware and leaning across the driver's seat of a sedan to scour the glove compartment.

"Mila!" I whispered, but she didn't hear me. Probably humming a damn song like she had been when I found her. I crouched low and quickly, but quietly, ran over to her. She had straightened up to inspect whatever was in her hands, when I slipped a hand over her mouth and an arm around her waist. She jumped and made a startled sound, muffled through my fingers.

"Shh," I breathed, right next to her ear. The walkers were inching closer but hadn't spotted us. I wanted to keep it that way. "It's just me. There's a herd of walkers comin'. I need you to get under this car. Now."

Her body relaxed as she recognized my voice, but tensed back up when my words sunk in. I gently let go of her as she dropped to her knees, pulling herself under and fully obscuring her body. I went to follow her and was half under the frame when I caught a glimpse of T-Dog, crouched behind a car across from us, trying to hide and accidentally slashing his forearm in the process with a piece of scrap metal. He groaned and tried to hold pressure on the wound, but crimson ribbons flowed down to his wrist. The walkers inched closer, drawn to the smell of fresh blood.

I caught Mila's hand, squeezing it to get her attention, and used my eyes to tell her I needed to go help T. She furiously shook her head 'no', pleading with her wide eyes. Please don't go. I faltered, torn between staying and going– especially when it meant leaving her alone in danger. However, leaving T-Dog to his own defenses while injured was signing his death sentence. Sure, he left Merle on the roof, but even I know he wouldn't have done that on purpose, and he's tried to make up for it since. He'd never be able to, but I appreciated the effort anyway. I have to, I'll be back, I assured her with another squeeze of her hand before letting go. He was running out of time and so was I.

T managed to buy himself a little distance by making a run for a further row of cars, and I followed the trail of blood until I found him, half reclined on the ground. A stray walker was stumbling forward and snarling as it reached a rotting arm out for him. I snuck up behind it, thrusting my knife into the base of its skull, and signaled for T to stay quiet. I dragged the now-dead walker over to him and placed it over his body, before finding another to put over myself. Twisting my head to check on Mila, I found her completely surrounded by walkers who thankfully hadn't noticed her presence. She made herself as small as she could and had a hand pressed over her mouth, similar to how I'd held mine over her lips only moments prior, eyes shut tight. We both sighed in relief when the group fully passed her, allowing us to see each other clearly. My hammering pulse was just starting to normalize when nearby, we heard Sophia's screams.

Mila's head whipped around and she clambered clumsily to get out from under the car, obviously heading toward the sound. Fuck. 'Stop!' I wanted to shout, but that could end up putting her in more danger by attracting the walkers who had just passed. I tried to push the body off me to follow her, but I was struggling under the weight of it and she was gone by the time I succeeded. Fuck!

Adrenaline pumping, I sprinted between cars just in time to see Rick about to launch himself over a guardrail and down an embankment. He held a hand out to stop me as he ran.

"Stay here! I'll bring 'em back!"

I slowed my speed down, hovering at the top and watching him disappear into the woods, before jogging back to my bike to grab my crossbow. I returned to the railing to look out through the trees and thought fuck this, running after his path. I'm a damn tracker and Rick's not– I could find them even if I couldn't see them. My eyes scanned the terrain as I moved, looking for footprints and disturbed vegetation. They were all running like bats outta hell, which should make their path even more prominent.

Reaching a clearing, I kneeled down and examined a ridge of recently disturbed dirt. To the left, two pairs of footsteps had taken off– to the right, only one. I followed the single set of prints, thinking at least the other two had each other. With every passing second that I failed to find my target, my anxiety stretched. I willed myself not to let it make me sloppy and forced myself to tune out all the other visual noise.

Snap. A leaf crunched and I flew around– crossbow trained and finger on the trigger, ready to shoot. Hazel eyes froze, startled, before I immediately dropped my hands and exhaled. If I'd been a little less careful, she'd have a bolt through her head right now. The thought made me nauseous. She didn't seem to notice.

"I lost her. She must've thought I was one of them and I took a wrong turn," Mila was panicking, turning every direction as if Sophia would materialize out of nowhere. I wanted to yell at her for running off into the woods and rattle off every bad outcome that could've happened– walkers, injuring herself so she couldn't come back, getting lost. She said it herself, one wrong turn in a place she knows and she's in trouble. How the hell was she planning to get back to us? But as she tensely swiped at her brow and bit her lip, gaze still searching for the little girl, my anger dissolved. All that was left was relief.

"Come on." I started walking again, taking calculated steps and returning the way we came. "I bet Rick already found her. Yours was the only pair of footsteps that were alone."

I didn't need to look to hear her following me and took the moment to shake out some of the adrenaline that was still circulating. Was she going to risk her life multiple times a day, every day? And was I going to keep risking mine to bring her back? I sighed, already knowing the answer.

—-

Mila

I knew it was bad when Daryl and I got back to the highway before Rick and Sophia. Carol had looked at me with so much hope before her face fell and descended into pure despair. Guilt swallowed me, plunging me into darkness. If I'd done a better job of following her, I could've brought her back– or at least, protected her until Daryl found us. Just as I was about to tell them I was heading back out to look, Rick came walking out of the treeline. Alone. My heart sank as I numbly listened to Carol's sobs. I failed and a little girl is suffering because of it.

"You didn't find her?! You have to find her!" Carol's knees buckled as she yelled at Rick, who looked like he'd been slapped. Lori held Carol up and tried helplessly to comfort her, giving her reassurances that I never could– even though I wanted to. She'll be fine. We'll find her. We'll bring her back. I couldn't promise what I didn't know was true.

"I'm going back out," I declared, taking off down the hill. Before I could get far, a calloused hand grabbed my wrist to pull me back.

"Hey." I didn't slow, shaking it off and pressing forward. "Hey!" I stalled, but still didn't turn around. "It's gonna do us no good if you get yourself lost out there– don't think I forgot about how much you needed GPS when you were livin' in a city. These are the woods and shit gets you all turned around out there."

I dropped my head and grit my teeth to hold back tears. This wasn't about me. I turned to face him, although I couldn't look at him, too afraid to see it in his face that he agreed that this was my fault. I almost had her.

"We have to find her and we're losing daylight."

He stepped closer to me, bending down to get in my eyeline. I was both grateful and angry that his expression didn't hold an ounce of blame or contempt. He looked at me, really looked at me, and I averted my eyes– knowing that he was seeing something in me that I wasn't ready for him to.

"We will. Rick and I will go. I can track and I'll be able to focus better if I'm not worryin' about you." Just for good measure, he added, "T-Dog also needs you, his arm is fucked." I clenched my fists, knowing he got me. He got me good.

I should've been elated to hear that I'd make him worry and used it to fuel my imagination that Daryl and I had anything more than a tentative friendship, but I was too busy spiraling in my own self hatred. I knew he was right and wouldn't allow myself to detract from helping Sophia by running off impulsively. Plus, sitting around waiting for them to come back would be torture and that's exactly what I deserved. I could stay out of the way and punish myself at the same time.

"Be careful."

It's all I could offer and he nodded as he passed me, Rick close behind. I watched his back get smaller before making my walk of shame back up the highway, where I promptly tended to T-Dog before dodging everyone else and spending every minute tearing cars apart in an effort to try to atone for what I'd done.