Memories of Honggu

Swords clashing against each other, desperate pleas for help, the ground slowly turning red for the blood pouring from so many wounds and the dead. With a shout Pei sat up in his bed. Disoriented he looked around, quickly realizing it was a nightmare. "Yan?" he felt her hands on his arms. He looked down to see her soft hand on his forearm. He followed the hand, arm to her face and saw the worry in it. He placed his hand on his eyes, driving away the last of the images. "Young master, are you al right?" Fei Yuan called from the closed door. Before responding Su looked at Pei, he remained still. "You can come in Fei Yuan." Su said, stroking Pei's back, trying to sooth him. He had told her he occasionally had nightmares about his times in the war, but Su had not seen it happen herself, apart from the one time when he had been fighting the poison in his body. It scared her to see him now after such a nightmare. Pei still hadn't said anything. Fei Yuan stepped into the room. Su quickly pulled the covers higher. "What happened?" Fei Yuan asked, looking at Pei, worried. He recognized the signs of the terrors Pei sometimes faced at night. "Are you al right?" Fei Yuan asked again, this time Pei nodded his head. "Young master, you are as you were after the war." Fei Yuan hesitantly responded, knowing that the subject was still very sensitive to Pei. "Fei Yuan." Pei interrupted. "I'll be al right, you can go back to your room and sleep."

"Are you sure?" Fei Yuan asked, reluctant to leave when Pei was obviously not yet al right. Su closely watched the exchange and saw in Pei that he did not wat to discuss what had happened. "Fei Yuan, can you get some water?" Su asked, realizing he would not go to bed without reassurance that Pei was really okay, but Pei needed more time. Fei Yuan took his leave, Su felt Pei's hand on hers, pressing it. In silence they waited for Fei Yuan to return. When he did Pei drank the water and seemed to recover more. "Thank you, Fei Yuan. I am really al right. Please go and rest, we have a busy day tomorrow." Pei said, Fei Yuan looked at Su, who nodded, reassuring him. She could take care of her husband, there was no need for Fei Yuan to stay any longer. So he turned and left the couple. Su turned to Pei and looked into his eyes. "I'll be al right, my dear, once in a while the memories of the wars find me during my sleep. It takes some time to process them." Pei explained, Su let her eyes wander over his body, where the scares were a constant reminder of those wars. She could imagine a little the horrors that he had seen, she knew he carried them with him. Where other only saw the victories the God of War of the Liang dynasty brought, that same god knew the sacrifices that were needed and brought to get those victories. He saw the faces of those who had lost their lives. And as the faces of her tribe haunted her, the faces of the soldiers haunted him. She couldn't find the words to reassure him, so she did the one thing she knew would tell him all she wanted to tell him and kissed him. After a few moments he kissed her back, finding the love and strength he needed now. When they broke the kiss he looked at her: "Thank you." No more was needed. They laid down and Pei took Su in his arms, hugging her to him.

When Su woke up in the early morning, she immediately knew her husband was not next to her. Quickly she put her shoes on and put her cloak over her shoulders. She stepped out of their room and surveyed the surroundings. A short distance away she saw her husband looking out over the surrounding lands. "Zhi?" Su asked, when she was close to him, she also placed her hand in his. "Honggu…" Pei started. "…is a two days march away from here. The river we followed, it flows towards Honggu. Further along there was a bridge, they blew it up to prevent the back guard from reaching us. I suspect Liang Chen ordered his solders to blow it up after captain Zhang had crossed the bridge. I'm sure the Fan Yan Na army blew up the other bridge Zhang had to cross to reach our division. They had no chance and were killed, partly because of their own people. People they wanted to protect." Su knew she had to let him speak, of course she knew the story, they had been together when the betrayal of Liang Chen was discovered. Zhang had written one last letter to his wife, a blood letter, and Mrs. Zhang had given it to them when they had discovered she had killed her adoptive father. But now Pei had to tell the story, it was not often that he spoke of the wars and the battle of Honggu was a weight he would never be able to lift completely. Pei remained silent. "Did you pass by this village?" Su gently asked. "No, Liang Chen might have done, but Zhang's regiment and mine came from the other side, we split before we reached Honggu. Zhang was to come from the south, Liang Chen from the east and my flags came from the west. That way we would attack from all sides, we should have won and we would have were it not for…" He didn't have to finish, because Su knew precisely what had happened. She and Pei had found the truth of the betrayal by Prince Yun, the mastermind behind the death of the old Emperor, the slaughter of Su's Bai Liang Clan and the defeat at Honggu, a year ago. The dead had been vindicated, but it had not erased the memories. Pei then lifted Su's hand and kissed it. "I'm al right, really." He assured her. "Come let's see if Fei Yuan is up and if Brother Xie and Rushuang are back. Then we can have breakfast and leave for the county court." Su nodded and let Pei lead her to the inn, where they did find everyone already gathered. Xie and Rushuang told the others that nothing had happened at old master Li's house that night. After breakfast Su, Pei and Fei Yuan took their leave, upon their return they would investigate the tunnel under old master Li's house.