Hello here!
Here's a new chapter, hopefully there won't be as much delay before the next one, but who knows... Thanks for the people following the story.
Enjoy!
Monday, the first of October. Ewald already went to his runes class, and I'm planning a new climbing session with Arthur for the upcoming week-end. That's when Al' comes to sit with us. We're eating our dessert, and I assume he's done. He familiarly messes up with Arthur's hair (he understood rather quickly that he had to avoid doing that kind of thing with me if he didn't want to suffer). He then proceeds to greet us with a:
"Yo knuckleheads, what are you up to?"
"Eating our dessert?" I answer, in an ironical and interrogative tone
"Very funny. I heard the word climbing, tell me all about it, I'm your man!"
I trade a look with Arthur. It's not exactly a secret, but I'm not sure it'd be a good idea to tell anything about it to Al'. Because if we do, he'll be willing to come, and I'm not sure that it'll be to Ewald's taste. Nevertheless Arthur shrugs and explains.
"Your Gryffindor's ears didn't fool you. We're going to climb this week-end."
"In Hogwarts? Let me guess, it's again one of Vivian's ideas?"
"Hey!" I protest
"Not even, we used to do it with Ewald long before she came to Hogwarts. But she is decent at it."
"Where do you do it? On the walls or on the trees?"
"Towers, in general, we'd have to go to the Forbidden Forest to have trees and they're not as tall as the towers. Additionally, we prefer having to be discreet in order not to get caught rather than to avoid dying." Arthur answers
Meanwhile, the idea makes its way through my mind. It's true that I haven't been to the Forbidden Forest yet.
"And you never got caught?" Al' asks, admirative.
"No, but if you keep talking about it so loudly it might change" Arthur retorts, in an ironic tone
"Sorry…"
"So no, we've never been caught, although once or twice it was close. We usually do it during lunchtime, or when the weather isn't good, even if it makes the climb more risky. But well, we do have a good belaying system."
"How cool! How do you do it?"
I trade a new look with Arthur and answer, to close the topic:
"Professional secrecy, Ewald created something. Anyway, speaking of Muggle sports, did you know we found a spell to make feet slide as if we were wearing ice skates with Scorpius and his mates? Just imagine how it went when we showed it in class! And this morning we talked about means of transportation, it ended in a debate to know which was the most ridiculous between the scooter and the Floo. We asked ourselves if the double o had something to do with their respective ridiculousness."
Arthur lets out a slight laughter, and Al' raises his eyes to the sky, jaded.
"We must acknowledge that the teachers are brave. Every generation of students brings more trouble." Arthur says.
xxx
On Wednesday morning I meet with Alphonse on the Quidditch field. Since there's not many people, we do a little aerobatics contest. When we land, he asks:
"Do you think I could join you for climbing? I've never been able to try before, I was living in the city. The only sport my dad would have been fine to sign me up for would have been soccer."
"Well, I'd be fine with you coming, but I don't know how the others would feel about it."
"I'll ask them then."
I suspect that Arthur will agree, but Ewald will probably be less enthusiastic. It'd mean to let Al' see his inventions. But it's not my problem anyway, I'll leave them to it. In addition, I'm not feeling very well today, I'm not motivated for anything and I want to cut. I'm already consuming all my energy pretending I'm fine, so it's not a day for initiatives… And I'm still afraid of Ewald noticing something if I spend too much time around him. He's observant. As soon as the meal is over I say goodbye to my friends, and decline Scorpius and Albus' offer to join them for an Exploding Snap game. I haven't tried the game yet, but they're with a guy from our Year who doesn't like me, plus I don't really feel like being with people. I spend the rest of the day reading, finishing my homework, and practicing some of the spells Ewald taught me. In the evening, I find the perfect time to shower without running into the dorm's girls. As often, I can't fall asleep, and I cut without it really helping. I can't stop thinking about the past, always.
When I finally fall asleep, I dream that I'm back in highschool. I see Arthur, Al', Ewald and Scorpius there, but also Quentin, Maeva, Élias and Florian, my highschool friends. There's other people that I more or less know, but when I go to see them they pretend not to notice me. Everyone acts as if I didn't exist, but I know in my dream that I'm neither invisible nor silent. No, people are just purposefully ignoring me. With a bit of bitterness, when I'm awake, I think that the one person who would have fit perfectly into that dream would have been Mélanie, but she wasn't there. The dream ends when I commit suicide. And upon waking up I remember my friends from before with a painful intensity. This dream shook me. I feel fragile, and I feel the tears rising inside me when I think about how I felt, seeing them again while they were ignoring me. I skip breakfast and I go directly to class when it's time. I'm distracted all day, my mind caught inside my parallel world, where I used to live.
xxx
At lunch I eat with Scorpius and his mates cause we left class together and they don't pay much attention to me. It's just easy. As soon as classes are over I go back to my tower. There, I throw spell after spell to let off some steam inside the empty room below my attic. Afterwards, I climb in my "room" to prepare my things for the shower. I use the opportunity to cut. It doesn't bring me back to reality, but the suspect noise I hear while tidying my blade does. It sounds like someone is coming! Yet, no one knows that I'm there. I bow silently above the closed trapdoor and listen intensely. I hear someone entering the room before coming to a stop. I open the trapdoor as quietly as possible, and find Ewald, directly under me, his wand aiming at the opening. I relax a bit, but remain alert. How did he find this place? I hang at the edge of the trapdoor and jump, recovering softly in front of the Slytherin before it comes to his mind to come up. I mentally thank my reflex to reactivate my Glamour before opening the trapdoor.
"Ewald? What are you doing here? How did you find me?"
"Alphonse told me what you did to win the Guts challenge."
"Uh, so what?" I spoke in a relaxed tone, but I'm nervous. I don't know how he'll react, the situation is unusual.
"It was completely irresponsible. The spell could have broken, that sort of thing isn't reliable. And did you even know there was this spell?" His voice is calm and steady, but something tells me he's angry.
"Well, why would I have jumped, if I didn't?" I ask, to cloud the issue.
"You're the one who should answer that." His voice is deadly serious, and I don't understand why he cares that much. I'm alive, right?
"I'm not sure I understand what you're saying. We were just having fun doing challenges. What's the matter?"
"It was extremely dangerous! You could have died!" Ewald doesn't really scream, but annoyment (or is it panic?) is rising in his voice. "What would I have told Arthur? And Bludfire, do you think he'd have been able to live with it? I would have been to blame."
"Hey, just relax, I'm not dead, right? And Al' and I had fun. It's useless to worry about something that didn't happen. And neither you nor Al' are responsible for what I do, thank goodness!"
I wanted to keep a relaxed tone, but the feelings swirling inside me made my voice squeak around the end. Not specific feelings, just a mix of worry, and a reaction to his own feelings that are for once barely hidden. He remains silent for an instant, looking like he's about to give up, then looks straight at me.
"Alright. Tell me the truth. Did you know there was this spell?"
His question makes me freeze for a second, inside, but I answer, in a fully neutral tone, without looking away:
"Of course I knew."
Ewald looks briefly like he's hesitating, then sighs in relief.
"Alright then."
He has a slight smile, which appears a bit sad to me, then finally takes the measure of his surroundings.
"So, anyway, what is this place?"
"Uuuh, we could say it's my secret lair, so if you could avoid mentioning it…"
I answer, taken aback by the sudden change of topic.
"A secret lair? Don't you know it's a Slytherin thing?"
"I feel like it's something we have in common between Gryffindor and Slytherin, dude. Can't you see all the fun potential of secret bases?"
"Sure, I guess." Ewald answers with a smile before casting a Tempus. The evening meal has already started. "Let's get some lunch."
"Let me just get my bag and we'll be on our way!" I answer, and climb back to my attic without waiting for his response. I get my bag while pushing all my thoughts away. I can't let myself think. Not yet. On our way to the Great Hall we talk again about Occlumency, and he promises to bring me the books the day after. We eat with the Ravenclaws with Al', for once. He usually doesn't eat with me when I'm with the Seven Years, although it happened before.
xxx
In the evening, when I finally lie in my hammock, alone, I play the conversation I had with Ewald again in my head. I don't like having to lie to him this way. In general I always find a way to deflect, to hide the truth, but he didn't leave me the choice. I feel a bit guilty, and sad about it, but well. I will have to be more careful. I'm happy, anyway, that he didn't see through me. And I realize that I still don't know how he found me. The idea worries me, but I suppose he could have followed me. Unless he used a spell… Anyway, I won't take the risk of talking about it again, I'm too afraid he could ask more questions about the Guts Challenge.
xxx
Two days later, I'm on my way to the shower after a fight session with Ewald. I come across three girls in the dorm. There's Faith and two friends of hers whose names I didn't bother memorizing. They're not in my group. I tense up, but they seem content sneering and whispering when they see me. Since I'm in a bad mood I give them the finger, but restrain myself from insulting them. I hurry to the shower, and as usual, put my clothes next to the door of the cabin, making sure my wand is in arms' range. When I turn off the water, I can hear laughter in the approximative direction of the mirror, and I try to make as little noise as possible while putting my clothes back on. That's when my wand falls to the ground and rolls under the door. I let out a loud "Crap:" and scream "Can someone give me my wand back please?". In response, I hear someone picking it up before running away. I'm still halfway naked, so I jump into my trousers before rushing outside.
The bathroom is empty, and I run for the door before realizing that if I leave my things there they'll likely be stolen. I know that if I waste more time, whoever stole my wand will have time to hide it. But at a pinch, I have a second one, and I could use it to cast an Accio. I take my things and run to the dorm. Half of the girls from my Year are there, but I can't see Faith nor her friends.
"Who took my wand?!" I ask
The only answer I get is silence. I bet they find that funny. I suppress my anger long enough to open my trunk and throw my stuff in it, then hurry downstairs towards the Common Room. It's just another one of Faith's "jokes". And well, if my wand is in the dorm, I can still find it later. But it could be somewhere else.
When I reach the Common Room, there's little people because it's soon lunch time. I immediately spot Faith and her friends. They sit by the chimney and pretend to play cards. I rush toward them, and they lift their heads to face me. When I've come close enough I notice they're out of breath. I stand before the red-haired girl, and ask, in the calmest tone I can summon:
"Give me my wand back."
"I don't have your wand" she protests, with a slight smile that makes me feel like hitting her. I restrain myself, though, and insist.
"That's your last chance, give it back."
"I tell you I don't have it! It's not my fault if you don't take care of your things!"
"You will tell me where it is…"
"Or what? If you attack me I'll tell the teachers, I didn't do anything! Right Alex?"
She turns towards one of her friends I never paid attention to. She's a blond-haired, slightly plumpy girl who hardly contains a laugh. Despite it, she still manages to answer, in a high-pitched tone that adds to my annoyment:
"Right, Faith didn't do anything. Now piss off, we want to eat, you can look for your wand yourself!"
Our loud voices attracted the attention of some pupils who came closer, but no one looks motivated to intervene. The oldest student must be in Fourth Year. I ignore them, and after a last look at Faith that still displays her annoying smile, but took her wand out, I crash my fist into her stomach. The pain makes her fold in two while her friends reach for their wands. I don't give them enough time to get them. I launch my foot at the tibia from the dark-haired girl who hasn't said a word yet. In the same motion I hit the blonde in the belly before launching myself on Faith who hasn't had the time to recover. She crashes on the ground with me on top of her. I sit on her chest and take a blow on the ribs. I answer by blocking one of his arms with a hand and the other with a knee. Lying down a bit on her I place my free arm on her throat. The whole action happened really fast.
"Where is my wand?!" I scream
Faith doesn't answer. At this moment, the blonde jumps on my back, making me crush the red-haired girl even more. People are telling us to stop, but I ignore them. I fight the blonde now. I hit her in the face to make her let go of me. At this moment, more people join the fight, trying to stop me, but I defend myself. I don't want them to immobilize me. I bite, I throw my elbows at people, but it isn't enough. I don't even have my dagger on me, but even if I had I wouldn't have used it on kids. Although I would probably enjoy it. In the end, I'm unable to move. Two boys are holding my arms, they must be in Third or Fourth year, and an older girl threatens me with her 's when the portrait sways open and Longbottom rushes in screaming:
"Stop it now! What is going on here?"
A group of curious students follows him. I even spot some Slytherin and Hufflepuff uniforms. Someone must have fetched him in the middle of his meal. I stop resisting, knowing it would only make the situation worse. Longbottom reaches us, and one of the students restraining me answers:
"We were about to go to the meal when we saw that girl attacking those" he says, pointing his chin towards the assholes trio.
The blonde and Faith's faces both bleed, and the dark-haired girl is kneeling beside them, looking worried. The blonde is crying. Longbottom dryly orders the students still holding me to let me go and tells the girl threatening me to sheathe her wand. He noticed that I'm not resisting. I try to speak, but the teacher cuts me before I finish my first sentence. He tells the non-concerned students to go back to the Great Hall. His voice conveys authority, and no one talks back. Soon, only Faith, her friends and the students who stopped the fight remain. The teacher tells the latest to leave and they obey.
He orders me to remain in the Common Room while he brings the girls to the nursery, after making sure I calmed down. I'm actually still angry, but I conceal it the best I can. I wait for about fifteen minutes, then comes back to take me to his office. Finally, I get an opportunity to explain myself.
"So, miss Mackson, can I know why you did that?"
"They stole my wand, and didn't want to give it back", I answer, trying to hide the shake of frustration in my voice
"One doesn't attack their comrades for a joke, miss. Do you realize what you did?"
"I understand that from your point of view I was wrong, as well as I believe that there's other ways to stand for oneself. But you see, professor, I asked kindly at first. Unfortunately, I didn't have my wand to retrieve what was mine."
"I spoke with them, and they said they just wanted to prank you, but that you didn't even give them the time to explain."
"I asked them!"
"Lower your voice. You attacked them like a wild instead of going to see a teacher. Like me, for instance. I'm your Head of House. Given how well you perform in class, I was expecting more from you. You'll have three hours of detention with me. I also expect you to write each of those girls an apology letter. No need to write more than one sheet of parchment per person, but I want to read them before you'll give it to them. Additionally it'll be thirty points from Gryffindor. Now I'll give you some balm to heal your hand. No need to waste Mrs Pomfrey's time. Then we'll retrieve your wand.
"What about them?"
"Professor."
"What about them, professor?" I repeat, trying as much as I can to conceal my anger.
"Well, they'll recover. By luck, you didn't break any of their bones. They'll just have had some fear. I'm certain they'll avoid pulling pranks on you in the future."
"Professor, with all due respect, that wasn't a prank."
"What do you mean?" Longbottom's tone of voice is patient, but I can feel his underlying annoyment.
"Those girls hate me, what they did was nothing but friendly. It shouldn't come as too much of a surprise to you, I assume? I'm too smart for their taste, and Faith can't get over the fact that I don't belong to her little fanclub."
"After seeing the result of your fight, I find it difficult to see you as a victim. But be assured that I'll keep an eye on them. And on you. And if something happens again, come see me instead of trying to take justice into your own hands. Teachers are here to help you."
I don't answer that, it would be useless. Help me? Right, that's why I have three hours of detention while those poor, poor kids that I oh how unfairly aggressed get away without a blame. Longbottom searches through his drawers then hands me a greenish balm with a nice plant smell. He must have done it himself. He lets me apply some of it, massaging my injured fist, before tying it up and telling me to follow him. We go back to the Common Room, where there's now a lot more students. Longbottom walks to the couch where the girls were sitting and pulls my wand from behind a cushion.
"See? It wasn't far. Control yourself next time. I'll give you the time of your first detention during our next class."
xxx
I don't retort anything to this and the teacher moves away from me. He uses the opportunity to speak with some students who stop paying attention to me to speak with him, smiling. He seems to be popular. I tighten my grip around my wand, holding back my anger, feeling its freezing fire inside every part of me. I quickly climb to the dorm to retrieve my clothes and finish dressing up in the toilets. I don't speak to anyone, even if a lot of people whisper as I pass. Until I go back to the Common Room. There, Al' catches me and follows me through the portrait hole.
"Wait Vivian! What happened?"
"My wand was stolen, and Longbottom didn't like my way of negotiating."
"Did you get it back? Who did this?"
"Faith and her friends. You probably don't know them, they're in first Year. And yes, the teacher gave it back to me after he was done punishing me."
"What did he give you?"
"Three hours of detention, 30 points and I have to write apologies."
"What? But what did you do?"
"I put my fist to their faces, since they didn't want to give me my wand back. I thought you knew."
"I knew that people fought, but I wasn't imagining this… You did well. And what about them? How many detention hours?"
"None, why would they? They're the victims of the story after all."
"What do you mean none? They stole your wand, for fuck sake!" says Al', outraged.
"They did, but apparently Longbottom believes it was a joke, and finds my reaction to be way too violent and disproportionate. Yes, I did hurt them good. And no, I don't regret anything. They've been bugging me since day one, that'll teach them to annoy me. And I won't write those fucking letters."
"Bugging you? What do they do?"
"I don't really feel like talking about it for now, can't we just go flying instead?"
"Curfew in half an hour."
"Indeed."
"Okay, I'm convinced." Al' answers, smiling.
xxx
We both carry our brooms with us, and go out through a window on the fifth floor without getting spotted. We fly for about forty minutes and go back to Gryffindor's tower by his dorm's window, kindly opened by one of his friends. Handy. I wish him good night, then leave the tower through the portrait hole before meeting any girl from my dorm. Since we're in Gryffindor and there's no prefect around, no one says anything. I don't meet anyone on my way to my tower where I curl up in a ball inside my hammock. I'm slightly calmer after my flight with Al', but still unstable, and still infuriated that those girls touched my belongings, outraged by how unfair my punishment is. I'm glad I hit them, and satisfied by the fear I read on their faces. I rarely had to fight, but I feel like this could change here, in Hogwarts. And why not after all? I just want to have peace, but if it's denied to me then I'll take it by force. On the plus side, it helps me blow steam off. Through violence. I'm a monster after all.
xxx
" I'm a warrior. I've always had to fight to show that I was worth as much as a dude, that I was as brave, that I didn't know fear. I believed myself to be strong. Before, I had ideals. I was naive, and still innocent in my delusions. Now, I learnt, and I'm broken. Yet, I keep on raising my head, smiling, joking, because I'm a fucking warrior. I won't let anyone see who I am. I have no one else than me. I hate myself, but I'm also the only one taking care of me. The only one to see below all those masks. Oh, there's nothing else than a ruin field. But this, no one will ever know. "
-Extract from Aurore Berger's notebook, written about two month before she first met Quentin Lemage-
That's it with the chapter. What do you think of Longbottom's reaction? Do you think Vivian will apologize? Leave a review to let me know, and stay tuned for next chapter!
See ya!