Here's a new chapter, please enjoy and review!
When we arrive at Platform Nine and Three-Quarters, we come across Arthur and his girlfriend kissing near the entrance. Al' whistles, making the Hufflepuff instantly lift his head, his face turning an interesting shade of red. His girlfriend doesn't seem embarrassed, though. She greets us with a nod before starting a conversation, though I notice she's holding Arthur's hand tightly.
"Hello, I'm Cian. You're friends of Arthur, right?"
"That's right! I'm Alphonse and this is Vivian," Al' says enthusiastically.
"Nice to meet you," I say in a rather neutral tone.
"Oh, I see, Arthur has told me about you. You're the kid who won the obstacle course contest you organized, and who injured some third years?" Her voice is calm but not very warm. I'm not a fan of being called a "kid" either, but oh well. I respond courteously:
"My reputation precedes me."
I'm not sure what she would have replied because Al' starts complaining about not being as famous as me, loudly proclaiming his title as captain of the Gryffindor team, while Arthur smiles and nods at a few students. I take the opportunity to observe Cian a bit more closely. She's quite small, especially next to Arthur who is nearly six feet tall. She's rather cute. She has fairly light skin and wavy brown hair held back by a blue headband that matches her uniform. I guess her parents are wizards, since Muggles don't come to King's Cross in wizarding attire (I know something about that). I would have assumed she was shy if I hadn't seen her reaction when Alphonse interrupted her kiss, and the way she started the conversation afterward. I think she hides a certain determination. My observation is interrupted by Ewald's arrival, who politely greets Cian and each of us. He seems... a bit closed off. More than usual. Nevertheless, it really makes me happy to see him again, I realize. Arthur... I guess I missed him too, but it's not the predominant feeling in me at the moment. I just find it strange to see him interacting with Cian.
We all get on the train together and settle into an empty compartment. Two of Cian's friends join us quickly while Alphonse slips away to join his Quidditch teammates. I lean against the window, with Ewald facing me, while the others chat happily. I don't want to be here, and I half wonder what I'm even doing in this compartment. I would have preferred to be alone. But I don't really have an excuse to leave, so I disconnect as much as I can from the lively conversation among the older students. Arthur smiles a lot, holding Cian's hand tightly. I ignore the pang of loneliness inside me, pushing away the memory of Quentin. I feel empty. Cian's friends talk enthusiastically about their vacations and are delighted to learn that Cian spent time at Arthur's place. Ewald remains silent, though. I have the impression that something is bothering him, that something is worrying him, but I can hardly ask him about it in front of everyone. Arthur seems to notice too, at one point, and I see the look he exchanges with his best friend. The Slytherin just shakes his head briefly, then smiles before joining the debate on the most important subjects to master for the exams. I completely tune out the group and look out the window. I don't belong here. Well, that's not new—I don't belong anywhere... I wonder again, like on the first day of school, if it's possible to get onto the roof of the train. Intrigued, I try to look outside without attracting too much attention, but I give up quickly. Too many people around. Finally, I pretend to sleep for the rest of the journey to have some peace, and no one bothers me.
At the banquet, I sit next to Ewald, who seems back to his normal self, so I don't ask him any questions. I'm afraid he might ask me some in return if I do. Instead, I ask him if he and Arthur managed to find any Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder for the firefly hunt, and he assures me they have enough. After eating, I return to my tower with relief. Finally alone... And Arthur didn't speak to me even once. Who knows, maybe love will make him forget he wanted to have a conversation with me...
We have our first planning meeting for the Firefly Hunt the next day, with Arthur, Ewald, and Al'. Ewald's friends who know about runes and the judges of the obstacle course will join later, but for now, we need to agree on the organization and rules. Since it was my idea, I kick off the brainstorming session.
"So, my plan was to have a big battle with luminous marking spells, in the dark. If someone is too visible, they lose. But I think we need a points system to objectively judge the winners."
"For starters, where do you want to do this?" Ewald asks.
"I pictured it in the Great Hall, but the more I think about it, the more it seems like a bad idea. I mean, I'd like it to last more than thirty seconds. We need a place with not too much traffic on the weekends, since I suppose we'll do it on a weekend so everyone can participate…"
"We can do it on the seventh floor," suggests Al'. "The only class up there is astronomy anyway. There's nothing interesting up there for students who aren't into broom jumping, right, Viv'?"
"I was going to suggest the dungeons," Ewald interjects. "The seventh floor might be a bit quieter, but there are windows everywhere. It'll be hard to get it dark enough."
"That's true," Arthur adds. "In the dungeons, we just need to find a way to extinguish the torches, and the darkness powder will be more effective in a closed space."
"But isn't the Slytherin common room down there?" Al' asks.
"Yes, but we can go deeper into the dungeons. It'll be quite easy to delineate the play area this time, thanks to the darkness."
"I'm in then!" Al' says with his usual enthusiasm. "By the way, how are we going to manage that? The darkness powder doesn't last very long, if I remember correctly."
"The powder will be used at the start. I don't think we can extinguish the torches, they're enchanted. But Elric, the one who made the poles for the obstacle course, thinks he can create runes that will alter the light enough to plunge us into almost complete darkness. The challenge will mainly be not blocking the light from the spells. He'll be glad to know there won't be any windows to deal with on top of everything else."
We continue discussing for almost an hour, agreeing on the number of participants (limited to thirty, divided into teams of two or three), the rules, including a points system, and the end of the event. We also agree to scout the location during the week. Finally, we conclude with the most important detail.
"That already sounds amazing!" Arthur exclaims, his eyes filled with excitement. "So, when are we doing this?"
"Next weekend?" I suggest, motivated by the prospect of the event.
"Hmm, it might be a bit complicated to prepare everything in such a short time," Ewald objects. "We need to see how much time Elric thinks he'll need to set up proper darkness runes, and we also need to find a way to prevent people from using unauthorized spells during the tournament. Plus, there's the match against Gryffindor next Saturday."
"Oh damn, you're right!" Al' exclaims, shocked.
"And he calls himself captain…" Ewald teases, without malice. "Should I inform my captain that Gryffindor takes us so lightly they forget about us?"
"Oh, come on," Al' protests. "Who says it's not a tactic to lower your guard?"
"Your panicked expression."
"ANYWAY," Alphonse says to avoid digging himself in deeper, "Ewald is right. It's better if it's not next weekend. And I won't be able to help much this week, we need to work on tactics with the team. By the way, it would be great if you could try to be there, just in case, Viv'."
"Okay," I agree.
Arthur wipes the smile that had appeared during the exchange off his face and asks, "I suppose we've covered everything? I suggest we make a list of people to approach to participate in the event, in addition to us, so we can organize and make sure we don't have too many participants. We can think about it this week."
"Good idea. We can already write down the names of those we're sure about, and we'll see about the rest at our next meeting."
Arthur writes because he suggested the idea. He already knows he wants to team up with Cian and notes it down, leaving me with Ewald and Alphonse. Alphonse mentions he might team up with a guy from the Quidditch team, but since it's not certain yet, our team's composition is to be cleared later. In addition to our group, we add Elric's name, as he deserves some fun. This leaves space for twenty-four more participants, prioritizing close and reliable friends or those who participated in the obstacle course. Arthur assigns me the task of talking to Scorpius, and I reluctantly agree. I know he and the twins will love the idea, and I have no legitimate reason to exclude them. However, they might not be able to participate as is, since I doubt they know how to master the coloured marking spell and the shield spell (the only other spell allowed for the Hunt). We decide to finalize our list as quickly as possible so everyone can be on equal footing. Fighting in teams in the dark requires preparation, especially since we've decided to assign negative points for hitting an ally.
As last time, Alphonse is responsible for most of the recruitment, along with Arthur. Ewald oversees the technical aspect, and I'm tasked with inspecting the dungeons with him the next day to find a suitable location for the firefly hunt. When the meeting ends, it's time to eat, and we head to the Great Hall together. Arthur takes the opportunity to pull me by the sleeve, and we lag a few meters behind while Ewald engages (deliberately?) Alphonse in a discussion about the upcoming Quidditch match. I do my best to hide my lack of enthusiasm at the thought of talking to Arthur. At least, by the time we reach the Great Hall, we shouldn't have enough time to get into an annoying conversation... Arthur is aware of this too, as he merely says:
"I feel like these holidays did you good! Did you get to talk with your parents?"
"Yes," I reply, without elaborating.
"Do you have time after classes to talk?" He hasn't forgotten. Of course, he hasn't forgotten. But at least he seems much more relaxed than the last time we talked. As long as I give him the impression I'm going along with him, it should be fine.
"Oh, you know, there's not much to say. I didn't learn anything new, except that apparently Longbottom, McGonagall, Pomfrey, and Aster know about the paedophile. My parents didn't know how, but if the information didn't come from you, I suppose the Aurors talked to the headmistress… it seems a bit strange, but maybe it's normal. I guess it's pretty unusual to have a Muggle-born student being involved in something like that…"
"Indeed," Arthur agrees thoughtfully, forgetting that I've sidestepped his question. To completely divert the topic, I ask as we approach the Great Hall:
"So, how were your holidays? Things seem to be going well with Cian!"
Arthur blushes noticeably.
"They're going well, yes… Actually… We spent three days together with my family. I haven't told my parents yet, but I'm pretty sure my grandmother has guessed. She's a former Slytherin, after all, it's hard to hide things from her."
"No offence, but you're not the person with the best poker face I know," I say to tease him, which makes him laugh.
"In any case, I'm happy for you. I hope it lasts."
"Me too. I really love her..."
Our conversation stops as we reach the Great Hall. We sit among our fellow conspirators, and Cian soon joins us, sitting next to Arthur. I withdraw into myself a bit, using the opportunity to practice my Occlumency while my "elders" chat about classes. Arthur and Cian are busy exchanging such cliché, lovey-dovey looks that it almost makes me nauseous. Simultaneously, I'm painfully aware of never having experienced that myself. For once, it's Al' who notices something is off. He discreetly asks:
"Are you okay? You're looking at Arthur strangely."
I shake my head before whispering in French:
"Just old memories. Arthur looks a bit like Quentin. It will pass."
I regain control of my body and expressions, give him a reassuring smile, and tease him about the upcoming Quidditch match. He quickly forgets about the incident. In fact, thinking back on it once I'm in my room (Arthur having forgotten to corner me, being so engrossed with Cian, and probably reassured by our pre-dinner chat), I suspect that Alphonse might have felt a similar mood to mine. He must miss Azmi. Anyway, I should conceal my emotions better. I let myself go a bit too much during the holidays.
In the following days, the routine re-establishes itself. The people in my year still hate me, and I have the pleasure of resuming my ninja tactics to shower without encountering problems in the Gryffindor tower. I can use the cleaning spell, somewhat, but showers are still so much nicer… and "somewhat" doesn't mean "well." I take advantage of finding myself in the library at the same time as Scorpius's quartet on Tuesday to get rid of my chore. I approach their table reluctantly, although outwardly I show only confidence. Damn Arthur... Eva notices me and nudges Scorpius, who looks up to observe me. He doesn't seem hostile, but not particularly warm either. I point at a chair, as if perfectly at ease.
"Can I sit here?" I ask, my voice steady.
Scorpius exchanges glances with his friends before nodding.
"Go ahead," my former friend sighs. "What's up?"
"I'm here on behalf of Arthur to make you a proposal. Well, technically to you, Scorpius, but I think you'll all be interested."
Eva looks at me with a vaguely hostile expression, which isn't surprising considering that from her perspective, I beat up some of her friends without real justification, and she probably never understood why Scorpius was friends with me (on that, we agree), but the others seem mostly curious.
"With some friends, we're planning to organize a new event, let's say, the sporty kind, although quite different from the previous one. But before I tell you more about it, I need you to promise not to talk about it to anyone, whether you decide to participate or not."
"You mean, something like the obstacle course?" Scorpius asks enthusiastically. Seeing my silence, he adds, "Okay, it's a promise." One by one, the others follow suit, so I continue speaking, whispering to avoid getting kicked out of the library as much as to keep the secret.
"The event we're organizing will be called the Firefly Hunt. It'll be a game in teams of two to three people maximum, and it'll take place in the dark. The goal is to use light-marking spells to tag other teams and earn points, and the winning team is the one with the most points at the end. If someone gets tagged so much that we can't see the new spells any more, they're eliminated. Of course, the teachers won't be aware, and getting caught by one of them is also disqualifying, but you earn points if you tag them. Any questions?"
"What does the winning team get?"
A stroke of genius hits me.
"So, we haven't discussed this yet, but I think all the losing players will have to dye their hair or clothes in the colour of the winning team for a whole day!"
The twins exchange a devilish smile, which I must reflect because I'm already wondering which colour to choose between disgusting khaki green and princess pink. I guess I'll have to ask my teammates for their opinion... assuming the others accept this plan. Eva interrupts my thoughts.
"That's all well and good, but not everyone's a nerd, what do we do if we don't know the spell?"
"Eva!" Scorpius interjects, giving her, judging by the sound, a kick under the table.
"Let it go," I say. "Eva, I couldn't care less whether you like me or not, but, well, it doesn't seem like I've attacked you, I'm here to propose you all participate in something cool, so I'm struggling to see in what universe you think it's an acceptable way to treat me... But to answer your question, we're well aware that not everyone will know this spell, even in the higher years, since it's not very useful in everyday life. That's why, among other reasons, we're giving everyone a heads-up in advance, so people are on equal footing. I could teach it to you if you decide to participate, or Arthur Clifford, my seventh-year friend, Scorpius knows who he is. Also, you'll need to learn the Protego, it'll be the only other spell allowed."
The twins look almost disappointed. Eva looks a bit remorseful, at least. I'm not even angry. She doesn't matter to me.
"I... Sorry."
I nod curtly, but other than that, I ignore her, and I ask, "Any other questions? So, you're interested, I suppose?"
"How much time do we have to learn the spells?"
"We haven't set a precise date yet, but about two weeks. You'll see, the marking spell is very easy. It's the Protego that will be more challenging, it's a bit tiring for first years, especially when used repeatedly."
"Dad already taught me that," Scorpius says.
"Good, that'll be useful for you. So, shall I sign you up?" I ask, eager to get rid of the thing.
"Yeah! Put me on a team with Albus!" Severus exclaims enthusiastically, forgetting to whisper, which earns us a sharp remark from Williamson, the librarian. Reminded to keep it down, we make sure to lower our voices, and Scorpius responds in turn.
"I'm in too, are you teaming up with me, Eva?"
She nods, and Scorpius asks me:
"But won't the teams of three have an advantage then?"
"Not really. We'll be in almost complete darkness, and it'll already be complicated enough to synchronize with one person without stepping on each other's toes. Don't forget that friendly fire deducts points. Honestly, I wish them luck, those teams of three. And besides, even if they have more firepower, there are also more targets."
"That's true, when you put it that way," Scorpius smiles. "So, who are you going to team up with?"
"Probably Ewald, my seventh-year Slytherin friend, possibly with Alphonse as well, the sixth-year Gryffindor guy, but he'll probably go with someone from the team. And like I said, I prefer being in a team of two. Anyway, if you have more questions, I'll leave you in peace. I can show you the marking spell after dinner if you want, it's quick."
They agree, and I return to my table to finish my homework before quietly working on Occlumency in my tower. I increasingly keep my barriers raised these days, and I feel like I'm making quite a bit of progress in terms of my perception. I immerse myself in an almost meditative state to continue refining my barriers until dinner time, and I make my way to the Great Hall trying to maintain them without breaking my perception of the outside. As I begin to encounter students, I feel a strange sensation, as if my magic is perceiving them, even though I'm pretty sure none of them are trying to Legilimens me. This phenomenon intensifies with the number of people and overwhelms my perception, violently breaking my concentration. A headache replaces it, slight but nagging. I suppose I'll have to ask Ewald for an explanation... Arriving in the Great Hall, I see Arthur already seated, with Cian and a loud group of Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. I prefer to sit at the end of the Slytherin table, near the exit. Al' arrives soon, surrounded by members of the team, and sits with them at our house table, to my relief. I'm not very eager to associate with them more than necessary, aside from Al'. I'm not very hungry, and I quickly serve myself a portion of rice and fish, my mind running empty. Someone sits across from me, and I'm not very surprised to see Ewald, although I would have expected him to prefer eating with Arthur. I nod to him, and he smiles slightly.
"I'm not too fond of big groups either. Even though I have to deal with it, Arthur is too popular for my own good.."
He helps himself to food without further comment, and I wonder why he's here. He could eat with people from his year, he could be with his best friend, yet he keeps me company. He shouldn't force himself. I believe him when he says he doesn't like crowds, it's just that he probably has better options anyway. Regardless, I seize the opportunity to tell him:
"Something strange happened earlier when I was practicing Occlumency.."
The Slytherin looks up from his plate, all ears.
"I was trying to improve my perception, and I had a strange sensation when I encountered the other students, as if I could sense them even though no one was supposedly trying to Legilimize me."
"Hm... I think you pushed your perceptions too far, but I'd like to take a closer look at that. Are you free after dinner?"
"I have to show the first years the spells for the Firefly Hunt..."
"Then come find me at the Potions Club when you're done. And until then, please refrain from Legilimency."
I emit a grunt that will pass for agreement, and I finish my dessert while trying to spot Scorpius and his friends. I eventually see them at the Hufflepuff table, and after quickly bidding farewell to Ewald, I head towards them to let Scorpius know that I'll be waiting for them at the library before leaving the Great Hall. I feel like being alone.
Once the first years joined me, we find an abandoned classroom on the seventh floor to train. We start with the marking spell, since worst-case scenario, Scorpius could show the shield spell to the others himself. The kids pick it up pretty quickly; after all, it's not much more complex than a Lumos. Scorpius gets it first (not surprising, considering he probably started learning magic before Hogwarts), followed by Eva and the twins (who aren't very focused, busy goofing around). Given the time it took nonetheless, I recommend they practice casting spells of a particular colour (you need to concentrate to tint the spell), and suggest we postpone working on the Protego spell until the next day. I leave them to continue practising and go to meet up with Ewald. Arthur looks at me with an intrigued expression as he finishes his preparations to join me, but Ewald sees to reassure him before following me. We go to our usual HQ for some peace and quiet.
"Alright, so when that thing happened earlier, what exactly were you trying to do?" my friend asks after casting a few privacy spells to ensure no one would interrupt us unexpectedly.
"I was practising maintaining my barriers while extending my awareness outward," I reply.
"Okay. Show me, but if I say so, stop immediately, alright?"
"No problem."
I take a moment to concentrate, raising my barriers with a gentle force. That part is easy. Then, I project my consciousness beyond my walls, which comes much more easily than before, before attempting to extend it to envelop my barriers, covering as much surface area as possible. Suddenly, I encounter a presence "in front of me." At that moment, Ewald signals for me to stop, saying: "That's enough."
I immediately halt my efforts and wait for the Slytherin to speak again, which he did promptly.
"This is what I feared... You're accidentally practising Legilimency, leaving the boundaries of your mind to sprawl around you. It's really dangerous; if you lose your way, your consciousness could be unable to return to your body, or only partially. If that happens, no one will be able to gather you back, and your body will remain there, unable to do anything."
"Damn," I mutter. "I'd prefer to avoid that, for some reason... But I don't know how to do it. How can I tell when I'm going too far?"
"You could imagine it as a second transparent layer around your mind," Ewald suggests. "Try to feel its boundaries, visualize them, and make your consciousness fill the space between your walls and those boundaries, like air."
The suggestion is good, and I manage to roughly visualize what he's suggesting. The sensation is very different from what I was feeling before; I'm aware of what's me and what isn't any more. We take the opportunity to practice a bit, with him trying to penetrate my mind, and I'm glad to be able to defend myself reasonably well while keeping my consciousness outside. We take a break, and I use the chance to ask him, curious:
"So, what I was doing was Legilimency, right? I always thought it was about reading someone's thoughts, but can it be used to sense people's presence?"
"Indeed, that's one of the applications of Legilimency," Ewald begins, sitting down on a chair, preparing for a longer discussion now that the exercises are done. "The most well-known use of this skill is to uncover people's secrets by entering their minds, but that's actually just a tiny fraction of what Legilimency can do. Firstly, there are two categories of skills: targeted and untargeted skills. Reading thoughts is a targeted skill. When using it, you focus on one person, one target, receiving all of your concentration. Other examples of targeted skills include mental communication—top-tier wizards can achieve this over tens of kilometres—and memory modification. A side note: there are spells to erase memories, but when it comes to modifying or unlocking them, some level of Legilimency skills is needed. The Obliviators have famous Legilimens among them. Untargeted skills are anything that requires more diffuse attention; instead of focusing on one person, one target, you extend your concentration, as you did, actually. The effects are weaker than targeted Legilimency, but just as interesting. Untargeted Legilimency allows you to sense people's energy to spot them, as you suggested, but also, for a skilled Legilimens, to influence the emotions of a group of people, for example. It will be ineffective against an Occlumens, provided they have their defences ready, but it remains a very useful tool to use on most people. It is said that Albus Dumbledore was even able to mix a bit of both and read the surface thoughts of several people at once, but that requires a level of mastery and concentration that's simply mind-blowing, not to mention being able to process all that information."
Ewald pauses. I haven't said anything, engrossed in what he was saying, but I take advantage of his silence to ask.
"Do you know how to do all that?"
"I'm a specialist in Legilimency, but mainly in targeted skills, although I haven't had much opportunity to work on mental communication, for example. I can diffuse my attention to sense people's energies, but it's much easier for me to focus on one person and maintain a constant connection with them. Actually, it could be useful for the Firefly Hunt, now that I think about it."
"You mean, to spot opponents?"
"I was mainly thinking about coordinating ourselves as a team. If we maintain a connection between us, it would allow us to know where we are in relation to each other and communicate without making any noise, perhaps."
"That's a very good idea," I say. "Do you think it's doable?"
"Maybe," my friend responds with some reluctance. "But there are several problems with that."
"Such as?"
"Apart from the fact that it's completely irresponsible to teach this to a kid your age," Ewald begins, and I sense his amusement. He's just teasing me with that statement. "It's not something trivial, and it requires a certain level of trust; you make your mind more vulnerable."
He sees that he's hit the mark; I don't even try to hide my little startle when I realize what he implies. But what comes next truly surprises me. "I have nothing against Alphonse, but if we team up with him, even if he had skills in mind magic, which I doubt, I wouldn't trust him enough to share a link with him."
I look at him, aware of what that implies, but I need to vocalize it. "So, you mean you trust me enough for that?"
"Yes," Ewald admits. "I know you're as private as I am, and I don't think you would abuse the situation because it would be a terrible betrayal for you. It's to protect your secrets that you decided to learn Occlumency, after all."
I'm not even surprised that he knows that. He continues, "Furthermore, I trust in my skills. I believe I could defend myself against you. The real question is whether you trust me enough."
I'm about to respond immediately, even though I don't know what to say yet, but I interrupt myself before giving in to my impulse. It's not a moment for my evasions and pretences. We both know it. What's at stake is serious, and I'm aware of the value of the trust he's offering me, even though we haven't known each other for long, even though his true friends are probably few, and he thinks I'm only eleven. Even if he could prevent me from breaching his defences, he trusts me enough to make himself vulnerable. Can I give him that back? In truth, I've already given my answer a long time ago, even though at the time I didn't have a choice, driven by the necessity to learn Occlumency. I trust him enough to let him Legilimens me, even though I know he could tear my walls apart easily. He has never abused his power. It's not much more, in the end, and in this deal, he's the one who takes the most risks. That's why I reply calmly, after a minute of silence:
"Yes."
Ewald nods solemnly before speaking again.
"In that case, only the other problems remain. I think you should be capable of creating a connection with me, given your performance so far, although I get the feeling that you're more predisposed to Occlumency than Legilimency. However, there's no guarantee that two weeks will be enough for you to master this skill, and even if it were the case, it might drain your magic during the fight."
"I guess the best way to find out is to try?" I say with a slightly forced smile, trying to keep up appearances.
"I suppose. But not until we know whether we're two or three in the team. If Alphonse is with us, then we'll have to think of another strategy. Until then, consider whether you're sure you ready to go this far for a game."
"You're not questioning it for yourself, are you?" I ask with a steely smile. Ewald shrugs.
"I always play to win... And in itself, if the trust is there, it's not a very risky technique, but it can give us a huge advantage. And after all, I wasn't much older than you when I started learning Mind Magic."
"How did you learn it, by the way?" I ask, seizing the opportunity. Ewald rarely talks about himself.
"My grandmother initiated me into it; it's a family tradition. Alright. Do you want to do some more practice? We still have some time before dinner."
Realizing he doesn't intend to elaborate further, I nod, and we resume training, but I've got the hang of it. The problem is mainly that I struggle to stay focused for long in this new setup. I finish the session with a solid headache, and Ewald tells me not to do any more Occlumency until at least the next day, aware that I've pushed myself a bit today. As we make our way to the Great Hall, a question occurs to me.
"Why is mind magic so unknown, by the way? I feel like almost no one knows it exists, and there's hardly anything about it in the library... Back in Harry Potter's time, I would understand, but now?"
"Mind Magic is very powerful and can accomplish many things. However, not only is it extremely complex, but it's also dangerous. Those who seek to become Occlumens risk losing themselves or accidentally damaging their minds, losing memories, or disconnecting from their emotions. Those who practice Legilimency risk getting lost in another's mind, being destroyed by their defences, or losing the connection with their body. Also, while the Legilimens spell and its use are the most well-known aspects of mind magic, it's not by chance. Most of this kind of magic can be performed without a wand, and it's challenging for the majority of wizards to break their habits, take the time to learn, and feel their magic differently. Lastly, it's commonly accepted that simply working hard isn't enough to become truly proficient in these disciplines. Without natural talent, one will always be severely limited. It's difficult to determine if this is entirely true since it's a marginal magic for many reasons. Firstly, it's traditionally taught in pure-blood circles, and they are protective of their knowledge. Secondly, it's a very powerful magic, and some refuse to share their knowledge for fear it will fall into the wrong hands. Finally, it's not really in the culture of most wizards to have to put in a lot of effort to master a spell, and it's confusing and counter-intuitive for them not to have their wand as a focus point, to access their magic directly, and not to have everything immediately available."
"That makes sense," I respond, thoughtful.
"I also find it regrettable that this education is primarily limited to pure-blood circles," Ewald adds. "As time goes on, more and more of this knowledge is lost, and you are proof, like many masters, that talent for mind magic or its absence has nothing to do with one's origins."
The next day, I teach the basics of Protego to the first years, with less success than with the marking spell. It's more advanced, after all. Even Scorpius, who knows how to do it, struggles to maintain it for very long or to move while sustaining it. I oversee their training until they all manage to cast the spell at least once each and recommend they practice duelling with Protego and the marking spell. I suspect it might have gone faster with someone better at teaching than me. I kinda suck. After getting rid of that chore in the early afternoon, I go with Ewald to scout the area for the Firefly Hunt. We designate an area in the dungeons, opposite the potions classrooms and not too close to the Slytherin common room, which will suit our plans. The corridors there are wide enough and cluttered with old stuff, mostly old armours and a few cabinets. We include three classrooms connected by communicating doors, plus two more on the other side of the corridor. The old desks and chairs can serve as barricades.
On Halloween night, the decoration in the Great Hall is magnificent. I eat with the whole group, Al', Arthur, and Ewald. For once, Cian isn't glued to the Hufflepuff table, and we spend the meal joking joyfully and enjoying the fantastic atmosphere of the Great Hall. Someone sets off a few fireworks straight from the Weasley's, causing slight chaos. It's apparently a sort of tradition, according to Al'. After dinner, we have a quick check-in on the participants. I confirm the presence of the first years, Al' confirms he'll be partnering with one of Gryffindor's team members. There will also be the president of the flying club, Lily Potter and her friends, and a mix of fifth, sixth, and seventh years whom I don't know. Alphonse proposes the idea of a "taboo" bracelet that would prevent us from casting spells other than those allowed. He's done his research on the secrecy rules apparently, and it inspired him. Ewald promises to discuss it with Elric but thinks it'll be challenging to implement. The others seem pleased when we tell them about the location we found, and our Slytherin companion is tasked with bringing the runes expert there to confirm that the area to prepare isn't too large. We decide on a big preparatory meeting on Sunday to finalize the last details, with Elric also present, as well as those who would agree to judge if necessary. I realize in the middle of the meeting that what we're organizing is nothing more than the Wizarding version of laser tag. Al' shares the amusement that arises in me at this thought, which doubles in the face of the seventh years' perplexity.
The last days of the week are quiet. I attend my team's training sessions, for once, even though I normally won't be playing, I familiarize myself with the strategies... The tension rises, there are more divisions than usual between Slytherin and Gryffindor, especially in the higher years, although I mostly see emulation, and a few slightly more aggressive supporters, but nothing extraordinary. Ewald also arranges to meet me after the Sunday meeting to work on Legilimency and practice for the Firefly Hunt, now that we know our team will be just the two of us.
I watch my first Quidditch match from the Gryffindor stands, since our Seeker is fit. Because yes, it's nice to be a substitute, but it means I'll only get to play if he falls ill or gets injured shortly before a match, as a player who has to leave the game in progress cannot be replaced. That's one of the two things I find stupid about this game, along with the astonishing number of points given by the Snitch... Apparently, it's a matter of tradition, but my logical mind vomits up these principles and believes that making the game interesting and rational would be more important. Anyway. I have the opportunity for the first time to see Ewald truly in action, since I've already seen a bit of what Alphonse is capable of in training. Ewald uses his advantageous position to pass on information or coordinate his team while searching for the Golden Snitch, acting as a relay for his captain, a surprisingly slender Beater with an icy gaze. Al, on the other hand, is the goalkeeper, and since Ewald exploits his slightly withdrawn position from the melee to coordinate his team. It's the first time I've seen him play seriously, though, as in training he spends more time advising and directing than playing. I have no idea what professional Quidditch looks like, but from my point of view, Alphonse really stands out. Despite the skill of the Slytherin players, who often manage to launch attacks, Al is a wall. The Quaffle doesn't get past him. Gryffindor's Chasers manage to score one, then two goals, and our points gradually increase, under pressure. Slytherin eventually scores their first points, but my house already leads by fifty points. Both teams, I think, are equal in terms of skills, except for the goalkeepers, and that makes all the difference. Al' takes a nasty Bludger, sent by the opposing captain who is well aware of it, despite the efforts of Williams, one of our Beaters, who focuses on protecting Alphonse. Emma, our second Beater, wastes no time in avenging my friend by sending a Bludger back at the opposing captain, avoiding a head injury that would likely have taken her out of the game. Instead, it's her shoulder that takes the hit, and managing her bat afterwards seems harder than at the beginning of the match. All this little projectile fight allows the green and silver team to score another goal, but then my team scores five times in a row, and I notice that Ewald seems to be entirely focused on finding the Snitch now. Jenkins too, and I rage inwardly. That idiot is too close to the melee, and gets too distracted by the game, wasting time taunting the opposing Keeper after yet another goal from our Chasers. That's why I'm not surprised when Ewald suddenly rises up to pursue the Snitch, after forty minutes of play, and our Seeker doesn't react in time to catch it. My friend lands triumphantly holding the Golden Snitch towards the stands, ending the match. Final score: One hundred and seventy to one hundred and fifty in favour of the green and silver. The noise of applause and jeers almost bursts my eardrums, but I still applaud. It was a beautiful match, even though I really feel angry at Jenkins. I'm not the only one, because I see Alphonse scolding him, as he starts to insult Ewald. I'm too far away to hear, but the gestures are quite telling.
After breakfast, on Sunday, we gather in a large group in an abandoned classroom on the sixth floor. In addition to our usual group, there's Cian, Elric, and two other seventh years, as well as the judges from the obstacle course, who apparently agreed to judge again. I don't talk much during this meeting. It's mostly about clarifying the rules for everyone, with all the technical aspects being handled by Elric. He congratulates Alphonse on his bracelet idea; apparently, he appreciates the challenge, but it's not feasible in such a short time, so we'll have to rely on the judges. We decide that the hunt will take place the following Saturday, the tenth. Unauthorized spell casting will result in instant elimination from the team, with no chance of winning. I mention my idea for a reward for the winners, which is unanimously adopted by everyone. We all have lunch together after the meeting, and then Arthur suggests a little climbing session, which Ewald declines for both of us, saying we need to train for the Firefly Hunt. Alphonse seems to think it's a good idea, as he sets off to find his partner, while Arthur "reluctantly" agrees to spend time with Cian.
For once, we decide not to go to our usual room because there are quite a few people in the corridors, since it's the weekend, and we need a really quiet place for what we intend to do. In the end, I take Ewald to my tower.
"Your secret hideout? That's a good idea, indeed," the Slytherin says, recognizing the place. I remember the circumstances under which he came last time, and inwardly grimace. I never found out how he found me, actually, but I don't have time to dwell on that thought because I realize he expects us to climb through the hatch. I have a brief moment of hesitation, then steel my determination. I'm about to establish a mental link with him. He might as well know where I sleep. So, we levitate up to the trapdoor. I see the moment he realizes that this place is my room, but he doesn't ask me any questions after I explain that I hate sleeping with people and that I wanted to have peace. He must sense that I don't want to talk about it, and he just comments, "Sometimes I'd give anything to escape the snoring of the guys in my dorm. I can understand."
I sit cross-legged on the floor in front of my hammock, while Ewald remains standing. Feeling a bit awkward, I break the silence fairly quickly.
"How do we do this then?"
My friend is silent for a moment before sitting on the floor opposite me, making sure not to crease his uniform.
"You'll have to Legilimens me."
"Are you sure?" I ask him, looking him in the eyes. I think he knows as much as I do that what I'm asking is not whether he's certain of the procedure but rather if he wants to let me into his mind.
"I think you know me well enough to know that the decisions I make are deliberate, so yes, I'm sure," he calmly replies. "As long as it's okay with you, it's okay with me."
"Very well."
"Alright then. When you'll cast the spell, your consciousness will be drawn into my mental landscape. You'll see, it's very instinctive. My Occlumency defences are quite different from yours, and it's not something I can really turn off. Don't let it throw you off. Anyway, I'll guide you and communicate with you."
"Okay..."
"All you have to do is say 'Legilimens' while pointing your wand at me, without resisting when your consciousness is drawn into my mind."
"Understood."
"Whenever you're ready," Ewald concludes, his posture almost relaxed. I point my wand at him, ignoring the strange feeling I have in performing this gesture, somehow threatening, towards a friend in a setting that is no longer just a game. I utter the incantation, also ignoring my concern about the possibility of the link allowing Ewald to learn anything compromising about me. It's too late, and besides, I don't think the link allows for that.
The next moment, my consciousness is drawn, and I find myself in the middle of a vast expanse of water. All around me, there is nothing but water as far as the eye can see. It's dark, deep water, but its surface is perfectly smooth. The sky is reflected in it, and I gaze up to admire it (okay, I don't have eyes as a consciousness, but I'm focusing on it). There's no sun in sight, but visibility is excellent. Large white and gray clouds spread across multiple levels, adding depth to the sky. I bring my attention back to the sea, curious, realizing that I'm in Ewald's mind. So, everything I see is his defences... How do they work?
I don't have time to really ponder the question because I feel a slight touch on my consciousness, a sort of gentle but insistent pressure inviting me to follow. I somehow recognize Ewald's essence. He leads me upward, which surprises me briefly, until we reach a peculiar cloud. As soon as we begin to enter it, the scenery disappears, and I no longer "see" anything, but the vision of air and water is replaced by sensations, thoughts, and swirls of images almost within reach. Ewald's mind, open. I resist my curiosity urging me to delve into memories, to draw to me the thoughts swirling nearby. I hear Ewald saying, "Very well, now try to feel the connection between our minds," except he doesn't say it with his voice but in my head. His consciousness directs my attention, and I feel the path I've taken to join his mind, a sort of tenuous thread connecting me to my own mind, behind his wall.
"Return to your mind now, but without breaking the link, and try opening your eyes," my friend urges me, still inaudibly.
His mind gently nudges me toward mine, but without pushing me away, and I return to the familiar contours of my consciousness. I open my eyes. Ewald raises his head, meets my gaze. He asks me, this time aloud, "Are you okay?"
"I think..." I start, honest for once. I feel... strange.
"You did it. Can you feel the link?"
I barely focus on the boundaries of my mind, and there it is, like a thread, an open channel between our minds. I nod slowly, then realize that our link pierces through my wall. Instinctively, I want to rebuild my protections, and the link breaks suddenly as my Occlumency barriers rise to full power. "Are you okay?" Ewald asks again. I realize I panicked.
"Sorry, I... I didn't think."
"It's okay, it's normal for it to be counter-intuitive for you after you've worked so hard to keep your mind closed. But if we want to train, we'll need to rebuild the link. Are you okay with that, or would you prefer to continue training another day?"
"Let's continue," I say.
And so we spend over an hour locked in my tower practising. Once the link is re-established, we try to communicate without speaking, attempting to locate each other with our eyes closed, drawing each other's attention to things without moving, and so on. Once I get somewhat accustomed to the link that bypasses my walls, I no longer see it as a threat, and Ewald explains to me that as long as no Legilimens detects it, it doesn't pose a vulnerability in our defences. Apparently, it's very hard to detect, and it's mainly by observing the behaviour of two linked individuals that one can understand they're connected. Ewald also talks to me a bit about his defences. Apparently, it's elemental Occlumency; one needs to exploit their elemental affinities to construct them, and it seems quite advanced. What also strikes me is realizing that a Legilimency duel is primarily a battle of imagination. If someone was to try breaching Ewald's defences, thinking his mind is underwater, for example, the Slytherin could imagine the other person running out of air or being attacked by a sea creature. Since water is known as the element of Slytherin, it's likely that an attacker would focus on that first. I find it really clever, even if it's completely beyond my skill level. My walls do the job anyway. We head down together for dinner, maintaining the link between us as long as possible. This connection only allows us to convey impressions and words we want to share, not to spy on each other or use each other's senses.
Arthur is already seated when we arrive, and he waves us over with a big smile. Cian is next to him, chatting with one of her friends. He asks us how the training went, and Ewald tells him he'd better watch out during the Hunt. In response, the Hufflepuff steals a kiss from his sweetheart, and I look away as Ewald shakes his head, feigning exasperation.
The following week passes fairly quickly. The first years no longer ask me to train them, but I do spend a lot of time with Ewald working on Legilimency and the spells we'll use for the Firefly Hunt. He's capable of using them non-verbally, but that's a hundred percent beyond my reach. As a fallback, I practice whispering my spells instead of shouting them, just to avoid being too much of a liability the following Saturday. Midweek, Elric proudly announces that his darkness rune is completely ready, adding that with all our antics, he'll have plenty to include in his school record. Despite all this excitement, I don't lose sight of my goal. A part of me enjoys the time spent with my friends and looks forward to participating in the Hunt, but this enthusiasm doesn't quite suffice. I hide it well, as always, but my mind grows increasingly numb, and I start cutting myself off more often. The pressure builds within me, getting closer to Ewald, being around Arthur and his girlfriend. The fac that the Hufflepuff reminds me of Quentin makes it hard for me. I also have to avoid being alone with him to prevent him from asking awkward questions...
On Thursday, I attend the Quidditch team training and end up walking back to the castle with Alphonse. Our conversation drifts towards what he has learned about the laws governing the magical secrecy.
"In the end, it's easier than I thought to reveal the Secret to a Muggle, but it's very restrictive and needs justification. You need an appointment with Obliviators who will place a runic seal on the person to prevent them from revealing the existence of magic to anyone, and the person will be registered. If they prove to pose any danger to the Wizarding world, the Obliviators can wipe their memory... Or worse..."
"Do they have the right to kill?"
"It's not stated like that, but I'm not naive enough to believe that it's not a possibility..." Alphonse sighs.
"And what happens if a Muggle learns about the existence of magic by accident?"
"It depends a lot on the consequences it has, but generally, their memory is wiped. The wizard can be punished, depending on the circumstances. There's also the case where the wizard deliberately violated the magical secrecy... In that case, once again, the circumstances and the impact of the revelation will really influence the sentence. In the best-case scenario, the Muggle involved gets a session with the Obliviators as if it had been done in a legal framework, and the wizard gets away with a reprimand... Apparently, it's quite common for people to reveal the existence of magic to their spouse before informing the authorities, it's not very legal but it's quite well tolerated..."
"I guess that's a good point in your case, you never know. Sometimes we speak without premeditation," I remark, speaking from experience. Curious, I inquire, "And what happens in the worst-case scenario?"
"The memory of the Muggle or Muggles involved is always erased, or worse if the situation is deemed too dangerous, I suppose. For the wizard, the maximum penalty is to have their wand broken before having a Secret Seal applied and being sent into the Muggle world. There are some cases of imprisonment in Azkaban, but it's rare. Apparently, living as a Muggle is the punishment for friends of Muggles..."
"I see," I say, a bit bitter. I sense that Alphonse thinks somewhat like me. As if being a Muggle were a punishment. Magic is cool, it's true, I love it, and now I can hardly see how I could do without it... But the Muggle world is far from being as limited as wizards want to believe, and I think that magic doesn't bring happiness, far from it, especially with such a backward society.
xxx
Friday, noon. I dig my nails into my skin under the table, rubbing my recent cuts that still burn, inflicting pain on myself casually.
"Did you see what happened with Urgalt?"
"Yes!" I laugh, "I thought he was really going to kill Von Saxen this time!"
It's so tiring to pretend all the time. But the show must go on. The performance is still ongoing, and my mask is firmly in place.
"You have class with him later, don't you?"
"Yeah... I'm thinking about bringing some popcorn. Is there a spell to make it appear?"
I smile as I listen to Arthur's explanations. No, there's no spell to make popcorn appear directly, but you can summon it if you have some somewhere. I list the means I have at my disposal to kill myself. My dagger. The fork in my throat. Strangling myself with my clothes. It's a usual game for me. I feel a slight tug at the edge of my mind. Ewald is trying to get my attention. I open up to communication with the newfound confidence I acquired this week, and I turn my head towards the Slytherin.
"Shall we practice after my DADA class?"
I nod in response. We manage to communicate telepathically, but not in a very elaborate way, and only when we're nearby. It's still quite draining for me, so I prefer to conserve my energy.
Finally, Saturday arrives along with the Firefly Hunt. After careful consideration, we decided to do it in the morning. There will probably be fewer people in the corridors, including teachers. Even they sleep in sometimes! I wake up early, having trouble sleeping because my mind is full of thoughts. Even though I'm not very hungry, I go to breakfast because my absence would be noticed. I quickly nibble on something for appearance's sake, then slip into the dungeons with our full team of conspirators. There's not much to set up, as Elric already installed the runes the night before. He goes to check that they're all in good condition while we wait for the participants. In the end, five sixth and seventh-year students will serve as judges. They spread out across the field and organize themselves a little apart from us. Alphonse, meanwhile, has taken it upon himself to go around to the teams to ask what their colour will be, since my prize proposal was accepted. Ewald and I chose a vaguely orange-green colour similar to mold, while Al and his partner chose a pink so bright that I feel it burning my eyes even with them closed. There are twenty-four participants in total, most of them in pairs, although we have two trios: Lily (with whom I exchange a predatory smile) and two of her friends, as well as a group of fifth-year Gryffindors. I know most of the participants. My duo, the quartet of first years led by Scorpius, Cian, Arthur, Alphonse and his partner... Elric has paired up with the president of the flying club. I also recognize another pair, two people from the flying club. The remaining four are two sixth-year girls in a relationship and two brothers, one in fifth year in Slytherin, the other in seventh year in Hufflepuff, apparently a friend of Arthur's, or at least an acquaintance. The judges will keep their wands lit with a low-intensity Lumos so that we can differentiate them from the other participants. It's better not to make a mistake, as touching a judge costs five points for their team.
The leader of the judges reminds us of the rules, then we have ten seconds to spread out as we like in the rooms. After that, all the judges throw the instant darkness powder while Elric activates his runes, then we wait for the signal from the judges (a trumpet sound) to start aiming. The tension suddenly rises. I am back to back with Ewald. We headed towards a room at the end of the corridor while activating our mental communication. Around us, I know there are at least two teams, the Potter twins' team and the siblings' team. We saw them before the darkness fell. I think Lily is not far away either. After all, she wants to settle things with me after the obstacle course. The silence becomes heavy. The tension mounts even further.
"The first years are to the right. The others are in front, a little to my left," Ewald communicates to me.
"I hear them," I respond to Ewald. "At the signal, we move a bit in your direction, okay?" I feel his agreement through our link.
The signal sounds.
The world suddenly lights up with colours. Ewald and I instinctively dive to the ground, leaning slightly into each other in the process, but avoiding the first spells cast in our direction thanks to that. It seems the Potters didn't hesitate. However, they soon regret their initial attack. Before I even manage to get up, Ewald casts an nonverbal spell that hits its target, one of the twins, while the other team also hits the first years. Taking my chance, I mutter the marking spell, aiming at the fifth and seventh-year brothers, narrowly missing. The counterattack doesn't take long but sails over my head.
After a frantic start, I adapt, and so does Ewald. We move as silently as possible, communicating with a touch of thought between us when we spot people. Ewald's nonverbal spells catch many off guard. We are not the only ones who understand the importance of a discreet approach, and soon the battlefield becomes quieter, the atmosphere more tense. I love it. I easily spot people; it's clear that most are not used to moving silently, let alone in the dark. There are a few curses when some unexpectedly encounter a wall or object, or even people. The problem is mostly that I have to pronounce my spells audibly, and I still have room for improvement in terms of accuracy. I only hit my target half the time. Most upper-year students often manage to cast their shields in time, when I'm not simply missing completely. Most teams are organized so that one person focuses on defence and the other on offence. Ewald and I opt for a different strategy. We have a huge advantage with our mental connection, which we exploit by separating to target people from multiple sides while remaining discreet. As long as we stay within five meters of each other, we manage to keep our link intact. Gradually, the game evolves into a positional war. Most people stay in the same room, except for a few teams like us who move from room to room. I slink along the walls, crawling in the hallway, then a moment later, I reach someone from under a desk... Ewald is extremely efficient, and he has only been hit once so far. As for me, I've already taken five or six colourful splashes, but I had the idea to keep my cape in my bag and use it to cover the luminous stains, although in truth, the furniture has now been hit enough that it will soon be more noticeable not to wear colourful stains than the other way around. At one point, I feel Ewald cast a spell that hits Arthur squarely in the head. I have a small chuckle watching him search around him for where the shot came from with a lost look on his face.
And then, as the participants become less discreet due to all the spells exchanged, a new phase of more open combat begins. One or two people are disqualified by the judges. I end up back to back with Ewald, facing Lily's team, which seems determined to eliminate me, judging by how frequently they bombard me with spells. Fortunately, my shield spell holds up well, but I'm forced onto the defensive, putting all my concentration into my spell to avoid either Ewald or myself being hit. Meanwhile, Ewald remains in good shape, especially in his ability to attack. He keeps one guy in front of him at bay while regularly sending spells towards Lily and her team. And then, as the general melee drags on and becomes increasingly chaotic, with new combatants continually joining the fray, the voices of McGonagall and the caretaker reach us from the corridor, drowning out the sounds of battle. Because McGonagall doesn't just talk. She yells. And that's not good for us.
In an instant, I switch from "combat" mode to "flight," and Ewald is on the same page. He grabs my wrist to pull me along with him, stopping his barrage of spells on the rest of the room, just forming a shield to protect us as we make it first into the corridor, disappearing just in time around the corner to avoid the professors coming from the opposite direction. We manage to get closer to the Slytherin common room, and Ewald guides us to the secret passage leading up to the staffroom towards the Room of Requirement. He lets go of my wrist to open the passage, and I follow quickly. It's only once the door to the passage closes behind us that I realize he has touched my wrist. I hope he hasn't noticed anything strange. Reflexively, I lower my gaze. Fuck! My glamours must have fallen during the chase because my scars are clearly visible. I hastily pull my sleeve down over them and grip my wand in my pocket to recast the spell. I don't dare to look up at Ewald. I don't think he had had time to see my wrist anyway. And thankfully, sounds of pursuit echo as I murmur the spell to restore my glamours. I raise my head, tense, but Ewald doesn't pay attention to me, his focus on the corridor.
When the noises fade away, we wait silently for a while before venturing out of our hiding spot. We head towards a predetermined fallback point where a judge will count how many hits we've received and from which team. When we arrive, we find two judges and two other teams besides ours: the two sixth-year girls as well as Elric and his partner. Both teams have quite a few luminescent marks, more than Ewald but roughly the same as me. To my satisfaction, several of them are the moldy green colour, and I send a touch of joy to Ewald through our link, which we haven't deactivated yet. Once the other teams are inspected, it's our turn. The judge first asks us to present our wands and performs a Priori Incantatem on them to check if we've erased the luminescent marks. Ewald's wand reveals nothing special, but the glamour spell I cast raises eyebrows.
"Why did you cast this spell?" asks the judge.
"I didn't hide any marking spells, just a scratch on my face. I was afraid of running into teachers later; I didn't think..." I respond.
"Remove the spell, just to be sure," the judge insists.
"It's not necessary," I protest. "If you know even the basics of how this works, you know it conceals everything at once. I couldn't have chosen to leave only a few visible marks on my skin, and Ewald can testify that I didn't cheat!"
I panic. I'm stuck. Why didn't I think? I had no choice.
"Come on, be reasonable... You just have to lift the spell, and we'll leave you alone. We can even move a bit farther away if you want. What are you trying to hide anyway? You have nothing to worry about; I've seen acne before. Unless you wear a Dark Mark?" the judge jokes. I feel a tug at the edge of my mind, which I ignore. I broke the link with Ewald in anger, and he must be trying to talk to me, but he can't really help.
"My privacy is my business. I didn't cheat, and this spell wouldn't have allowed me to conceal luminescent marks."
"Perhaps, but I really want to know why—"
"She's right; it's none of your business," Ewald interrupts. "I can confirm she didn't cheat, and look..." Ewald casts the glamour spell, making all traces of his body disappear, then lifts the spell and casts it again, explaining that this time he's not targeting the lights. They remain visible, undeniable proof of what I said.
"Your job is just to make sure nobody cheated, and in this case, the only way for her to do that would have been to erase everything to cast only a certain number of spells, in which case she wouldn't have let her wand show that she cast such a spell. What she has to hide is her business, period."
Reluctantly, the judge yields to Ewald's arguments and finally counts how many times we've been hit so we can erase the luminescent marks. We linger for a few more minutes with the others, giving Ewald time to talk to them and get an idea of the situation, while I remain silent. Elric summarizes for everyone:
"The teachers managed to catch about ten people, I think, and we have a fifth-year judge who intentionally cast a marking spell on them to get caught as well, just to tally the points... A Gryffindor, no surprise there. Your friend got caught too, Arthur. The rest managed to scatter or hide until the teachers left, although some stayed in the area to clean up the corridor... They'll definitely see my runes, but they don't have any evidence that they're mine."
"I see, thanks. Well played anyway," Ewald congratulates him.
When we leave the others to go eat, he asks me calmly, "Do you want to talk about it?"
When I shake my head, he simply nods and doesn't ask any more questions about the glamour. I want to thank him for getting me out of trouble and leaving me alone like that, but I prefer to keep silent.
We meet everyone at noon at the Hufflepuff table. The Great Hall is buzzing with excitement, everyone discussing the Firefly Hunt, and the teachers glare at the assembly. Mc Gonagall, in particular, seems to be in a foul mood. Apparently, our pseudo-laser tag didn't go unnoticed like our obstacle course did. To avoid prying ears, we arrange to meet after the meal for the debrief with the judges in a room on the seventh floor. Arthur got two hours of detention, like his girlfriend. Alphonse also got caught, but he's in for three hours. Apparently, his less-than-perfect school record didn't work in his favour. In the end, Elric's team won, although not by much. Ewald and I came in second. Elric and the president of the flying club had a strategy diametrically opposed to ours. They split up, shooting at anything that moved, but even though they got hit more than us, they got almost everyone. They're both good at duelling, and in seventh year. I think Ewald would have won hands down with anyone above third year as a partner. As for me, I was too slow and weak. I don't feel too guilty, considering we had a good time, and I doubt he would have let anyone else but Arthur share a psychic link with him anyway.
After the debrief, I take a walk outside the castle. I'm a bit tired of people. My gaze is drawn to the Forbidden Forest. I've been thinking about going there for a while, why not today? I make sure no one is watching me, and I slip between the trees. Soon enough, I'm out of sight of the castle, and I breathe in the air laden with scents that take me back a long time. My childhood games, camps, walks around my home... Later, lunch breaks with Quentin. Carving pieces of wood with my knives, building cabins... I haven't had much chance to return to the woods in my second life, so all my memories are from long ago. I don't venture very deep into the forest, but enough to no longer hear human noise, to no longer see Hogwarts or the lake, and for the canopy of branches to close above my head. I hear some creatures, and I stay alert, but I don't encounter any. Eventually, I find a beautiful oak tree that I climb with joy. I stay up there for a while, enjoying the peace and quiet, lost in nostalgia for those times I'll never see again. I think of Ewald too, of the joy of acting in concert with him, and the fact that I'll have to be more cautious. He already knows too much. Alphonse too. Once again, I try to imagine a reason for my existence. Once again, I fail to find a logical explanation. It's funny how my questions are getting closer to the great human questions in text, but are motivated by something more concrete. I'm not looking for a meaning to my life; I'm looking for an explanation for my obvious reincarnation. I return to the castle too late for dinner, flying up to the seventh floor to avoid the professors. I'm a bit hungry. I relish the sensation, which I enhance with two cuts on the back of my left hand, forming a cross. I don't usually cut my hands, but it's to remember, to keep my resolution not to get attached — and not let them get attached to me.
xxx
The next day, I'm at the library, trying to ignore the pointed looks at my electric blue hair (really, we could have ended up with worse...) when Arthur comes to see me, alone. He pulls up a chair to sit across from me, and I greet him absent-mindedly. Instead of taking out his books, he simply asks:
"How long?"
I raise my head, confused.
"How long for what?" I ask.
"Before you decide to tell me a bit more about your vacation and resume the discussion we had before getting on the train."
"There's not much to add about the holidays, and even less about our discussion. You know what I think, you disagree, what do you want me to do about it?"
I rub the back of my left hand, awakening the cuts that the Hufflepuff can't see. I expect him to insist, but he surprises me, preferring to ask:
"Ewald told me you used Legilimency during the tournament?"
"Indeed. Unfortunately, it didn't help us win."
"I think it's good that you were able to trust each other enough for that."
Arthur pauses, then continues after a sigh:
"Listen, if you really don't want to talk to me... I admit it hurts a little, but it's okay if you talk to Ewald. Just stop hiding everything, okay? I'll leave you alone if you talk to him. That's what's most important. Just talk, okay?"
I emit a grunt that on a misunderstanding could pass for agreement, but Arthur puts his hand on my shoulder:
"Really Vivian. I want to hear you say it."
"I'll talk to Ewald. Happy?"
"For now. And know that I'm still here if you want, okay?"
"Don't worry, I know," I say, forcing a smile. I can't believe he's so naive. It's bordering on stupidity! I have a little smirk, which Arthur notices.
"Vivian?"
He understands, I see it on his face. Talking doesn't oblige me to tell him much more than "hello"... I put my things in my bag, laughing, dodging Arthur's hand trying to hold me back and leaving the library, the Hufflepuff following me. And just then, we run into Ewald in the hallway, so I greet him with a big smile, nodding at Arthur. Ewald frowns, looking a bit lost, and the yellow and black bursts out:
"Vivian, that's enough!"
"Don't you just want to drop it?" I sigh.
"What's going on?" Ewald asks, uncertainly.
I take advantage of Arthur explaining to leave. I think he sees me going away, but he's too angry to hold me back. It's sad, but I don't think we're going to remain friends for much longer.
xxx
« Si je regarde devant moi, ce qui m'attend, mon futur, je ne vois pas comment je pourrais vivre. Je suis inadaptée. Je ne peux pas m'imaginer travailler toute ma vie, métro boulot dodo. Comment appeler ça une vie quand c'est une prison ? Juste imaginer devoir grappiller quelques heures de liberté, épuisée à cause du travail, c'est comme mendier du rêve pour moi. Ça n'en vaut pas le coup. À ça s'ajoutent mes cauchemars, ces images qui me hanteront à jamais. Ils me condamnent déjà bien assez. Mais peut-être que je pourrais voyager, m'évader, partir loin, et là bas trouver un plaisir à exister, d'esquive en esquive… Mais je ne pourrai jamais fuir mes souvenirs. »
x
"Looking ahead, at what awaits me, my future, I don't see how I could live. I'm out of place. I can't imagine working my whole life, the same routine day in and day out. How can that be called a life when it's a prison? Just the thought of having to scrape together a few hours of freedom, exhausted from work, feels like begging for a dream to me. It's not worth it. Add to that my nightmares, those images that will haunt me forever. They already condemn me more than enough. But maybe I could travel, escape, go far away, and there find pleasure in existing, dodging from one escape to another... But I could never escape my memories."
-Excerpt from a journal of Aurore Berger, preserved by Quentin Lemage upon her death-
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