Draco
.
.
It's you, Draco.
It's you, Draco.
It's you, Draco.
The sentence Pansy had just spoken took some time to reach his mind. No, it couldn't be. She must have made a mistake. Or she must have been taking the piss.
He looked at her. There was no expression on her face to suggest it was a joke. She was waiting for his reaction, her forehead furrowed by the crease formed by her two eyebrows. She was waiting, as if she hadn't just uttered the most shocking sentence he'd ever heard in his life.
Draco ran a hand through his hair, a rare gesture he reserved for situations of extreme shock. The revelation that Pansy had just made to him was only beginning to collide with his thoughts, and he realised all that it implied.
"Since when?" he asked softly.
She shrugged, her gaze still riveted on him:
"Does it matter?"
He wanted to say "yes", but he didn't. He was too upset to think straight, and he didn't know what to say. He was afraid of breaking her with the slightest wrong word.
"I..." he began, hesitating.
There she was, seething, begging for an answer, while he felt as if his throat was suddenly so tight he couldn't breathe. The shock still hadn't worn off. He couldn't understand how Pansy could be in love with him when they'd known each other all their lives, when he'd thought of her as his best friend since the dawn of time. He'd never thought she could feel that way about him.
He swallowed slowly and said in a barely audible whisper:
"Pans', I'm sorry... I don't feel the same way..."
Saying it was almost as hard as seeing Pansy hear it. She closed her eyes for a second, and when she opened them again, they were glistening with tears. Her sentence was shaken by a strangled sob:
"No. I know. I knew you'd say that to me."
"I'm sorry..."
"No." she repeated, wiping her cheeks. "I know. I suspected, it's just... harder than I imagined."
"I don't want it to change, between us," he hastened to say. "I care too much about our friendship to let it fall apart. I want to stay who we are."
"I'm going to need a little time." she murmured softly, still trying to chase away her tears.
He sighed in spite of himself, and Pansy looked at him almost nastily:
"You think it's easy? To love you, after all these years? How do you think I live it?"
"No, no. Sorry. Come here."
He opened his arms and she immediately crawled into them. They rarely hugged, but under the circumstances, this one was more than necessary. She looked strangely small and frail when he held her like that. They remained in this position for several long minutes, Draco half-sitting up in bed and Pansy cuddled in his arms. She wasn't crying any more, but he could hear her ragged breathing against his neck.
"I'm sorry." he repeated. "I wish I could have loved you too."
She nodded against him. He could smell the comforting scent of cold tobacco emanating from her.
"I need some time to grieve." she said.
"I understand." said Draco, even though the thought was unbearable for him. "But... Do you remember, the promise we made to each other, by the fountain, at my house, before the first year?"
"Yes, I remember."
"To stay friends, forever. Despite fights and obstacles."
Pansy didn't answer right away, and Draco even thought she'd fallen asleep, until she replied in a hoarse voice:
"I haven't forgotten. I just need time."
He then placed a kiss on the top of her head, on her inky black hair, and slowly detached himself from her:
"Please don't break our promise, Pans'."
He wanted to tell her that he couldn't live without her, but he couldn't find the words. He'd never been very good at talking about his feelings, so he did what he did best: ran away.
.
Draco
.
.
It's you, Draco.
Draco hadn't slept all night. Pansy's confession was constantly in the back of his mind, and no matter how many times he turned over in bed that night, he couldn't sleep. Now that he had digested the news, he was even more confused than before.
How could Pansy have fallen for him?
He was convinced that she had always felt the same way about their friendship. He couldn't see when things had changed between them, when Pansy had thought there might be something there. He thought back to what his mother and Blaise's mother had said, and all those people who had suggested more than once that they were going to get married.
He thought it was clear that he would never marry Pansy. She was his best friend, the person he was closest to. He loved her, in fact she was the person he loved the most, but he wasn't in love with her. Or maybe he was, but he still hadn't understood?
When Theo's bed creaked in the morning, Draco didn't get up. He hadn't had a minute's rest, and he was unable to get up now. For the first time in his life, he was afraid of running into Pansy. Of seeing her imploring gaze across the table. Of seeing her as anything other than a friend, a confidante. He couldn't bear to lose his bond with her.
His stomach rumbled and he had to get up. He wasn't going to stay there forever anyway. Blaise and Theo had already left for breakfast, so Draco got dressed and headed for the Great Hall. He passed Crabbe and Goyle on the way, but didn't speak to either of them, his mind being too busy.
He was relieved to see that Theo and Blaise were still sitting at the table, and that Pansy wasn't there. When he sat down next to Theo, the latter raised his eyebrows:
"Bad night?" he asked.
Draco gave a low laugh in reply. Despite all the food in front of him, he took nothing but a glass of water. Blaise was reading the Daily Prophet, and Theo was eating silently, staring absently at the tables in front of him.
Draco looked around to make sure no one could hear them, and announced in a breath:
"Pansy told me she was in love with me last night."
Unexpectedly, neither of his two friends seemed surprised by the news.
"Oh yeah?" asked Blaise distractedly, without looking up from his newspaper.
"Is that all? Doesn't that shock you?" protested Draco with round eyes.
Theo turned to him:
"And does it shock you?"
"I had no idea!"
Draco was a little annoyed by their reactions. He had the impression of being blind, or excluded from a secret that had been shared for a very long time.
"You knew, didn't you?" he finally asked.
Theo made an apologetic face at him:
"Yeah... Sorry. She told me."
"When?"
"At the beginning of the year."
Draco dropped his head into his hands:
"The beginning of the year?! And neither of you thought to let me know?" he asked, irritated.
"We thought you knew, and chose to ignore it." Blaise told him.
"It was pretty obvious." added Theo.
"What? How was it obvious?!"
"I don't know, she never really hid it."
"You'll have to explain that one to me, because I have the feeling we're not talking about the same Pansy Parkinson." snapped Draco.
Theo thought for a moment and said:
" Well, do you remember Nathan Conley?"
"Who?!"
"A Ravenclaw bloke, she said she thought he was handsome once, on the Hogwarts Express."
Draco had a vague recollection of what he wanted to talk about, but he had no idea how it was related.
"Er, yeah, I guess?"
"Look at him!" blurted Blaise, pointing to the Ravenclaw table.
Draco looked in the direction indicated. Nathan Conley was a boy with dark blond hair and a square jaw, and he was eating calmy.
"So what?" asked Draco.
Theo and Blaise waited for him to catch on, but Draco still didn't understand anything, and he was frankly pissed off now:
"What the fuck are you talking about!"
"Draco, he's looking like you." Theo snorted, holding back a smile.
Draco looked at the Ravenclaw again. Apart from the haircut, he was nothing like this guy. He arched an eyebrow:
"Seriously? I was supposed to understand that my best friend of 13 years was in love with me because she once mentioned that she thought a guy who didn't even look like me was handsome?"
"It's not just that!" continued Theo.
"You slept in the same bed practically every night." said Blaise.
"It's nothing, it was just a habit..."
"Was it? Not for her, apparently."
Draco almost objected, but realised that Blaise was right. They'd slept together every night of second year, and he'd always thought it was innocent, but Pansy must have developed feelings for him then.
All the ambiguous little moments they'd had together were superimposed in his mind. Was he being paranoid, or had it been obvious all along? Why was he the only one who hadn't noticed that Pansy had fallen in love with him?
"Please tell me it hasn't been going on since forever." Draco implored.
"No! It was last summer or something. You really had no idea?" insisted Theo, taking a glass of pumpkin juice.
"No..." Draco muttered. Then he admitted: "I thought she was in love with you, actually."
Theo coughed up his juice and looked at Draco as if he'd just told him that he suddenly wanted to sign up for Professor Flitwick's choir classes. Blaise burst out laughing.
"Me? Are you mad?" exclaimed Theo.
"I don't know! You two have been getting really close, and I thought maybe... she was attracted to you..." explained Draco flatly.
"No! Pansy and I are just friends, that's all." Theo was quick to say, as if outraged that Draco would think that. "I feel nothing for her, and she feels nothing for me."
"I thought that was my case too." Draco said bitterly. "And you've grown closer, since last summer..."
"Oh, you mean since she saved my life after I almost got killed by my dad?" said Theo in a low, clearly ironic tone.
"I don't know. Obviously, I saw absolutely nothing."
"You're usually extremely observant." commented Blaise, who was still quietly reading his newspaper. "Have your thoughts been on someone else recently, so that you didn't see the obvious?"
Draco turned his head mechanically towards the Gryffindors' table. Granger wasn't there, surprisingly. Yet on Fridays, she always ate breakfast around this time. He shook his head and returned to Blaise and Theo, who both had mischievous smiles on their faces. Draco wondered if they didn't already suspect something. He had the impression of being read like an open book, and that made him uncomfortable.
Had he been so wrapped up in Granger that he hadn't seen the obvious?
He shook his head and rose from the bench. Theo and Blaise said nothing when they saw him leave, and when he turned round he saw that they had both gone back to what they were doing. However, Draco's world had just changed and everything was going in all directions. He came out of the Great Hall, and just as he turned without knowing where to go, he bumped into Pansy.
She looked as bad as he did. Her eyes were empty and she was much paler than usual. When she saw him, she hiccupped in surprise.
"Hi." he said awkwardly.
"Hey."
"Do you want to come with me, out in the grounds? It's nice out."
Pansy shook her head:
"No, thanks. I'm going to go and eat."
And she walked around him into the Great Hall. He knew she wanted more time to push her feelings away, but it was so hard to be rejected like that.
He wandered the corridors for no reason. His brain was muddled and he wanted to sleep too much. He came to the hospital wing. He glanced around out of curiosity, and stopped abruptly. Through the window, he could see Granger. She couldn't see him, but she was right in front of him, and he was appalled to see that she had a bandage around her head, and that her lip was crooked.
Draco also saw Potter, and Weasley. Potter was talking to Granger from his bed on the other side of the room, but he couldn't hear anything they were saying because of the thick glass. Granger was sitting in a chair next to Weasley's bed, who was fast asleep. His whole right leg was in a cast. Draco noticed Granger's hand gently caressing the back of Weasley's hand, and the sight made his stomach turn.
He decided to go into the Common Room and try to clear his head there.
Only, sitting on the sofa in front of the fireplace, Draco realised that he still couldn't shut his thoughts out. He decided to pick up a Quidditch magazine and immersed himself in it, even though the broom models didn't really interest him.
Eventually, Theo and Blaise returned to the Common Room, followed by Pansy, who looked as sad as ever. The two boys sat on the sofa, while Pansy sat in an armchair much further away, with Tracey Davis. Crabbe and Goyle were playing a game of Exploding Snaps at the foot of Draco and Blaise's sofa.
Suddenly, the door opened and Professor Snape entered, looking angrier than ever. Draco immediately sat up on the back of the sofa, as did Theo. All the Slytherins present seemed surprised by the appearance of Snape, who very rarely came into the Common Room.
"Exam results?" whispered Theo as Snape stood in front of everyone.
"Impossible, it hasn't even been a day." murmured Blaise.
Snape began to speak, and the room fell into a heavy silence. Draco, meanwhile, was watching Pansy from the sofa, who wasn't paying attention to what Snape was about to say.
"Your Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher resigned this morning."
Professor Snape contracted his jaw, hesitated visibly about what he wanted to say, then blurted out in his deep voice:
"He can no longer teach at this school, because he is a werewolf."
The whole Common Room exploded in jerky murmurs. Draco took his eyes off Pansy's shocked face to stare at Theo. The latter was already looking at him, as if to say "I told you so."
"It goes without saying that since this information was revealed, it is no longer possible to welcome him as a teacher at this school. The Defence Against the Dark Arts classes are therefore suspended for the time being."
And Snape left as quickly as when he had entered. Draco exchanged stunned glances with Theo and Blaise. Was it something to do with what he'd seen in the hospital wing? Why were Potter, Granger and Weasley always involved in this sort of thing?
Crabbe and Goyle looked shocked too:
"Does that mean we can become one too? That he gave us his disease?" asked Crabbe.
No one wanted to reply.
.
Hermione
.
.
The revelations at the end of the year had been so shocking that Hermione felt as if time had stood still. But no, it had only been two weeks since Harry, Ron and Hermione had learned that Sirius Black was in fact innocent. The man who had betrayed Harry's parents was in fact Peter Pettigrew, and he had managed to escape. They hadn't heard from Sirius since, probably because he was on the run.
Ron still had his leg in a cast, so they spent a lot of time in the Castle grounds. Hermione, on the other hand, was still studying as hard as ever, despite Ron's teasing. Even though the exams were over, the lessons were still going on. So she would have to use the Time Turner for a few more weeks.
"But Hermione, you've already taken the exams!" exclaimed Ron, a week before the end of term. "Why are you still going to classes?"
"Just because I've passed the exams doesn't mean I've got nothing left to do, Ron." she said as she continued to read her chapter on Muggle Studies.
The three of them were lying under their favourite tree, in front of the Black Lake. Ron had put his cast leg in the flowers and was enjoying the sun on his skin. Harry was eating a muffin he'd nicked from breakfast and gazing dreamily at the surface of the lake.
"You're exhausted, Hermione." said Ron, "I don't even understand how you've managed not to faint all this time. Don't you want to take a nap?"
He pointed to the stretch of grass he was resting on to prove to her how comfortable it was. Hermione sighed:
"I'm going to the Library, I can't concentrate."
She stood up and dusted off her trousers, which were covered in twigs and grass, and put her things away in her bag. Just as she was putting it on her shoulders and heading towards the Castle, she heard Ron shouting behind her back:
"I'll come and get you when you fall asleep there!"
She smiled in spite of herself. In reality, she was really exhausted, and she was probably going to fall asleep on one of her books at the Library table, but she preferred to do so with the feeling that she had worked rather than loitering in the sun.
Hermione went through one of the Castle gates to go to the Library. Ron was right, there was hardly anyone in the corridors, everyone was resting after exam period. But even on a Sunday, Hermione had to work, otherwise she would be behind in her work schedule.
Her bag was so heavy that she wobbled a little under its weight. She tried to put the handle back on her shoulder correctly, and then she felt the seam tear with a loud "CRAC". Her bag opened and all the contents spilled onto the floor, and at the same time she bumped into someone. She massaged her head under the impact of the knock, and when she saw who she had just hit, she gritted her teeth:
"Malfoy."
He didn't seem at all affected by the fact that she had run into him at full speed. He simply stepped back in surprise and looked at the contents of the bag with a raised eyebrow:
"It's about time this bag cracked, you've been lugging it around for weeks with three tons of books in it."
Hermione made no comment and bent down to pick up her things. Malfoy, of course, was no help at all, preferring to stand in front of her and watch her gather up all her books.
"Muggle Studies?" read Malfoy on one of the covers. "Merlin, Granger, don't tell me you're still using that Time Turner!"
"Leave me alone, Malfoy."
Her inkwell had broken in its fall and all the ink was spilling onto the floor. Hermione checked that none of the books in the Library were soaked in black ink, and thankfully they weren't. While Malfoy remained resolutely fixed in front of her doing nothing, she drew her wand from her pocket and called out:
"Purgato."
The ink disappeared from the stone floor, then Hermione threw a "Reparo" at her bag, which patched itself up as best she could. She stood up and found herself face to face with Malfoy again. She noticed that he didn't look the same as usual. He was exhausted too, with dark circles around his face. Hermione wondered what sort of problem Draco Malfoy could have to suffer from insomnia.
"You should get some sleep, Malfoy." she commented as she picked up her bag and book. "You look awful."
"Likewise, Granger."
She headed for the Library, and to her surprise, Malfoy followed.
"You've finished your exams, Granger. You're the only person in this entire Castle still studying."
"I don't see how that concerns you, Malfoy. If I feel like studying, I do so."
They arrived in front of the two doors to the Library, and Hermione immediately went to find her favourite table. She sat down, but gave a heavy sigh when Malfoy stopped right next to her, still standing.
"What? What do you want?" she exclaimed.
"Hey, calm down. See, you're having fits of rage like this. It's because you're tired, Granger. I'm the one who should be furious, you're the one who punched me in the face, remember?"
She smiled a little as she remembered that.
"Why, do you want a second one?" she offered.
"Obviously you don't need me to give you one." Malfoy observed.
He pointed to her lip with a wave of his hand. She had almost forgotten that her lip was open, and not yet healed, despite Madam Pomfrey's lotion that she applied every day. She ran her hand over it mechanically and winced in pain as she felt the wound. She hoped it wouldn't show in a week, otherwise her parents might worry.
"I fell." she said flatly.
Malfoy rolled his eyes.
"Of course you did. And you really expect me to believe that? That you fell? Unless you fainted from going back in time, that I would believe."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Granger, I can see the gold chain around your neck."
Indeed, the Time Turner's chain had become tangled with her hair, but she preferred to ignore it rather than prove him right. Just because Harry and Ron knew about it didn't mean she had to admit it to her sworn enemy. She took out her books, which she put in a pile in order of work priority, as usual, and began her Astronomy studies.
"Seriously, you don't want to drop one or two classes?" insisted Malfoy. "At least drop Muggle Studies, it's a shitty course and besides, you already know everything about it."
"For the thousandth time Malfoy, why do you care? Mind your own business! You obviously have a lot of it."
She'd come out with it a little haphazardly, but from the way his eyes darkened, she saw that she was right. She'd noticed that he and Pansy Parkinson hadn't been talking recently, and although she had no idea why, she realised that must be what was troubling him. He didn't react, however, and continued as if she hadn't interrupted him:
"You know what? Let's make a deal." he said, very seriously.
"Why would I make a deal with you?"
"Because I'm offering, and you can't resist a bit of competition." he said matter-of-factly.
She had to admit she was intrigued. She put her book down on the table and sighed loudly to let him know she wasn't that interested.
"What is it?" she asked in as blasé a tone as possible.
"If I managed to beat you at the Potions exam, you're giving up Muggle Studies."
She almost burst out laughing.
"I beg your pardon? There's no way you could have beaten me in Potions. Or in any subject, for that matter."
"Then you should have no problem accepting this challenge." he said with his unbearable smirk.
"What's in it for me?" she asked after thinking about his proposal. "You'll have beaten me, and on top of that I'll have to give up a subject I like?"
"No. Think of it more like this, you'll get beaten, so you're obliged to sacrifice something. Besides, I'm sure you'll thank me later, when you're no longer passing out on Blaise in the corridors, for example."
She opened her eyes wide as Malfoy let out a mocking laugh.
"He told you?!"
"Of course he told me, he's my best friend."
She weighed the pros and cons once more, then proposed:
"Ok, I accept your proposition. But on the other hand, if I've managed to beat you, you can never insult Ron or Harry again."
"Never again?! Impossible." Draco said indignantly.
He thought for a few seconds, then opted for another alternative:
"For a year. I could never insult them again for a year. Deal?"
Hermione smiled before he added in a much more serious tone:
"Careful, Granger. Promises, in the Malfoy household, are sacred. I want your word."
So she held out a hand to him. He didn't hide his surprise to see her hand stretched out in front of him, ready to be shaken to mark their agreement. For a second he watched her, and Hermione wondered if he was going to make a comment about her being 'dirty' or 'tainted'. But he didn't. Malfoy reached out and squeezed Hermione's hand. His palm was cold against hers.
He didn't say another word and walked away. Hermione thought he was going to leave the Library, but in fact he went into the Potions department. He came out a few minutes later with a thick black volume, "The Greatest Alchemists of the Wizarding World", and sat down at a table to read it.
Hermione couldn't help glancing in his direction from time to time, and she could have sworn he did the same when she wasn't looking.
.
Hermione
.
.
"Come on, hurry up Ron, the results are in!"
Ron gave a disgruntled grunt and didn't speed up at all. It had to be said that he was struggling to walk with his leg in a cast, but Hermione was too eager to see the results of the exams not to show her impatience. So she went over to Ron and helped him to lean on her to walk, which he did with difficulty. When they reached the corridor where the grades were posted, it was packed with students.
"Merlin, we're never going to get through here!" she exclaimed as she saw the dozens of students huddled together in front of the posted sheets.
"MAKE WAY! MAKE WAY!"
Hermione saw Fred separating the students into two separate rows to let Ron through, supported by Harry and Hermione. She gave him a small smile, and they finally arrived in front of the grades. Ron leaned on the wall next to them and Hermione threw herself onto the list.
She found her name, and looked at Potions first. "Exceeds Expectations: 88%." She scrolled her eyes down the list to find Malfoy. G, H, I, J, K, L, M...
"Malfoy: Potions: Outstanding: 100%."
She barely heard the exclamations of Harry and Ron beside her as they compared their results. She froze in place, her eyes fixed on the line. "Malfoy: Outstanding: 100%."
He had won.
She searched the crowd for Malfoy and found him leaning against the wall opposite them. He was with Zabini, but his gaze was already on her. He'd already seen the results, that was obvious. The only sign of it was the small smile that creased his cheeks. He had won, and she had to keep her word.
She looked at her other results, which were all Outstanding, even in Defence Against the Dark Arts, when she hadn't managed to defeat McGonagall's Boggart, who told her she'd failed and had to go home. The memory of that moment sent shivers of anxiety down her spine.
She had got 320% in her Muggle Studies exam, but she wasn't particularly surprised by this result given that the subject had been "Name three habits that Muggles have in their everyday lives." She had even taken inspiration from Danny to answer it using as many examples as possible.
Ron and Harry had passed all their tests too, much to their surprise.
"Do you think I got better grades than Nott?" she asked Ron as she searched the list for his name.
"Who?"
Hermione rolled her eyes. Ron didn't even know Nott, even though he was second in the overall rankings, right behind her. Ron and Harry preferred to go to lunch, leaving Hermione alone with her notes to inspect them again.
Nott had more or less the same grades as her, except in Defence Against the Dark Arts, where he had got an Acceptable (70%). Malfoy had no other Outstanding apart from Potions, which was even more annoying. It was as if he knew he was only going to beat her in that one.
Neville then approached her and snapped her out of her contemplation of her results. He had a big smile on his face:
"Thank you, Hermione!"
"For what?" she asked, a little surprised.
"For your help! Thanks to our study sessions, I got an 'Acceptable' in Transfiguration! Thank you, my grandmother will be delighted!"
And without her really expecting it, he took her in his arms to thank her. Hermione patted him gently on the back:
"Don't thank me Neville, you did this all on your own."
"No, without you I would never have managed to turn that teapot into a tortoise. You've really helped me this year."
She hugged him back, and over Neville's shoulder, she could feel Malfoy's burning gaze on her. When she looked up at him, he was staring at her, every trace of a smile gone, full of defiance. She nodded as quietly as she could, to which he replied, before walking away with Zabini.
.
Draco
.
.
It's you, Draco.
There had been a party every night since the end of the exams, but Draco wasn't in the mood to celebrate. He and Pansy hadn't spoken a word to each other since she'd confessed her feelings for him, and spent most of their time away from him. Draco was torn between the idea of giving her space and coming to see her all the time. He had never known life without Pansy and was completely lost. And the only person he could confide in was the person who was currently ignoring him, which didn't help either.
On the night before the summer holidays, there was a huge party in the Common Room. As Draco entered, he saw Pansy smoking. She wasn't dancing and was chatting quietly with Daphne. When he entered the room, they both glanced at him furtively, before resuming their conversation in hushed tones. Draco had never wanted to join them so much, just to hear Pansy's voice, which he missed terribly. Blaise was there too, but Draco couldn't bring himself to join the party, so he headed for the dormitories. He wanted to sleep to forget.
He opened the door to find Theo reading in his armchair. Draco threw himself into bed head first and buried his face in the pillow with a groan.
"What's going on?" Theo asked gently.
Draco didn't move, and replied in a voice muffled by the pillow:
"Pansy's still ignoring me."
Draco heard Theo sigh and his book close. Then he asked, more quietly than usual:
"Don't you think you should give her some time, to digest all this?"
Draco made an incomprehensible sound in reply.
"Huh?" asked Theo.
"I don't know!" Draco exclaimed, suddenly lifting his head from the pillow. "I don't know what to do, I'm lost! So, as I have no idea how to deal with my emotions, I prefer to bury my head in my pillow hoping to smell the scent of her perfume. How's that for an answer?"
"Okay, now, that's weird." said Theo as he stood up. "Get your head out of that pillow right now."
Draco obeyed and sighed in despair as Theo sat down next to him in bed.
"Explain to me how you feel." said Theo.
Draco raised his eyebrows:
"... Er?"
"Explain it to me, I might be able to help you with some solutions."
Draco looked at him quizzically, and Theo rolled his eyes, trying not to lose his patience too quickly:
"Merlin, you really are a hopeless case. Don't you ever talk about your emotions?"
Draco shook his head.
"See, that's your problem." Theo explained very seriously. "You hold in everything you feel without ever talking about it, and if you keep it all inside, it ends up exploding."
He had never heard anything so exact. It was exactly what he was feeling, this sort of overflow of anger that paralysed him.
"I'm right, aren't I?" tried Theo.
"Are you trying to give me some Muggle technique to get me to open up to you or something?"
"No, you idiot. I just want to help you, and it's easy enough to guess how you feel."
Draco took a deep breath as he rocked onto his back. Staring at the ceiling and not looking at Theo, it was a little easier to confide in him. He thought for a long time, then said:
"I feel like I've lost the only person who really understood me."
Theo said nothing, so he continued:
"I never thought she'd have feelings for me, because the friendship we have... it's the best thing in my life, for a long time. It's where I take refuge when I need it."
"And you're worried that everything will change after learning that?"
"It already has! She's already gone, and I'm afraid that... If she's gone, then I'm nothing."
"That's not true. You are Draco, with or without Pansy."
"No, I'm not. She's who I am. Without her, I have no pillars, I'm falling apart."
He felt the tears welling up but there was absolutely no way he was going to start crying in front of Theo, so he sniffled and tried not to succumb. Then he added in a whisper:
"Maybe I'm in love with her, after all."
"How could you be in love and not know it?"
"I don't know. How do you know you're in love? Maybe the comfort I feel with Pansy isn't friendship, it's love. Maybe I can force myself to..."
"No." interrupted Theo. "If you need to force yourself, then you're not in love. Love happens without warning. And I think that when you're in love, deep down you know it. Your reaction after what Pansy said to you proves that you had no idea until now."
"I don't know, Theo. I'm at a loss. I've never felt like this, it's like I'm in mourning for someone who's still alive."
Draco felt the lump that had been living in his stomach for the last few days creep up his throat, so he swallowed and waited for his best friend's silently pondering prognosis.
"Do you consider Pansy your sister?"
Draco grinned:
"No! Yuck."
"Then I don't know. Your bond is too weird. You sleep in the same bed and you're closer than if you were a couple, you don't consider her your sister, even though you've known each other since you were babies and practically grew up together."
"So, that's it. I'm in love with her." Draco said with a sigh.
He wiped his eyes, and Theo was kind enough to pretend he hadn't noticed. Then the dormitory fell silent, Draco lost in his muddled thoughts, and Theo thinking intensely. Suddenly, he almost jumped out of bed, which startled Draco:
"I've got an idea!" exclaimed Theo. "Come with me!"
"What? No." said Draco immediately, startled by this sudden change in his behaviour.
"Yes, come." said Theo, quickly putting on his shoes. "We'll find out if you feel anything for Pansy or not."
Theo practically tugged at Draco's arm to get up, so he gave in. Theo opened the dormitory door, crossed the Common Room crowded with dancing and drinking students, and opened the front door. Draco followed reluctantly:
"Where are we going?!" he asked Theo, who was walking quickly ahead of him.
"You'll see."
"Theo, it's past curfew, if we get caught, we might..."
"Don't worry, we're not going very far." Théo reassured him.
He seemed so proud of his idea that nothing could have changed his mind. Draco simply followed him, checking that no prefect was guarding the corridor. Fortunately, Theo stopped at a door quite close to the Common Room.
Unfortunately, it was the Potions classroom.
"Theo, fucking hell! What are you doing?" exclaimed Draco, saving his voice so that no one would overhear them.
He didn't answer and took out his wand which he pointed at the lock of the classroom:
"Alohomora."
The handle clicked and Theo ajar the door to check that no one was inside.
"If Snape's here..." began Draco in a whisper.
"Relax! He's in his study. Come on."
Theo entered the darkened room. Draco carefully closed the door behind him and waved his own wand, "Lumos," at the same time as Theo, who was already approaching the shelves.
"What the hell are we doing here..." moaned Draco as he saw the jars lined up.
"Shhh! This won't take long. Watch where you put your feet. There you are. Now I've got to find..."
Theo was rummaging in the cupboards for something, but Draco was too busy watching the door to see what he was doing. After a long moment of clattering jars, Draco lost patience:
"Right, Theo, I'm going back to the Co..."
"I've got it!"
Theo stood in front of Draco again, next to a table in the classroom. He was holding a small, tiny, transparent vial, which contained a pearly potion with pink highlights.
"It's a love potion." Theo explained.
"What? Are you out of your mind? This stuff costs a fortune, and if you think for a second I'm going to drink this stuff to fall in love with Pansy..."
"I never said that! Let me explain, by Merlin!" Theo grew impatient.
He stirred the contents of the small vial and observed it carefully.
"This is Amortentia. A potion that can be extremely dangerous when swallowed, because it can create an obsession. But right now, I don't want you to drink it, I want you to smell it."
Draco frowned. He'd heard of this potion a few times before, especially in more advanced Potions books. Theo continued his explanation:
"When you smell this potion, you're supposed to smell the scents of the person you like, or find particularly attractive. If you smell this potion and recognise Pansy's scent, that means you're in love with her. If not, it's someone else."
"Or no one." added Draco.
Theo nodded several times and slowly unscrewed the cap from the vial. No sooner had it been opened than Draco smelt a strong odour coming from the little bottle, which at first he couldn't identify. He wrinkled his nose as he tried to identify what it was, closed his eyes...
Strawberries, old library books... And tea. Cinnamon tea.