Bella

Following the display, Edward and Bella walked hand in hand after saying goodbye to everyone, promising to invite them all to their wedding.

Bella couldn't remember the last time she'd been so deceitful.

Edward, who'd had less to drink, drove her car back to his house. She didn't know what to say as they sat in the driveway, both hesitant to leave the space of her vehicle. He'd done so much to help her, and she didn't want it to be over between them.

"Thank you, Edward," she said.

"You can stop thanking me."

"But, you did so much. My dad's going to get treated. I will never be able to repay you."

"Isn't that what friends do?" He glanced over at her.

She smiled, wishing that they could be much more than that. The connection she'd felt with him only intensified. "Good friends."

"Look, I've been thinking," they both said at once.

"What?"

"No, you go first," Bella said.

"I was thinking maybe we can be more than friends. We're pretty good at pretending."

"Is that all we'd been doing, Edward? Pretending?"

"Look, Bella, I really like you…a lot. I haven't felt this way with anyone since…"

Her heart thumped in her chest. Since his wife. "Uh huh."

"Maybe we can be more than friends?"

She took his hand in hers, appreciating the warmth and weight of it against her palm. "I'd like that, Edward. Is there room for me?"

He sighed. "What do you mean? Of course."

"I told you already. I don't want to share you with your dead wife. Don't get me wrong: I want you to keep all the memories you have with her, cherish them for what they were, but you have to let her go."

"It's been over five years."

"You're still wearing your ring, Edward." She flipped his hand over to emphasize the offending symbol of his devotion. A small thing that meant so much.

"Bella, maybe…I just need time."

"Of course you do. And I like you so much, I will give it to you."

She wanted him to kiss her, to pull the ring off his finger and tuck it away somewhere never to be seen again. But Edward wasn't ready for that. Her heart sped up as his fingers grasped the wedding band. When he met her gaze, his eyes were glassy. It was as though she wanted to date a married man.

"I feel like you're asking me to forget her," he said. "There's too many layers."

"Not at all. I'm asking you to let her go." Bella would help him if he wanted that. "Losing your spouse is…unimaginable. I wouldn't disrespect her by rushing you. But, I'm not going to disrespect myself by being in a relationship you are not ready for."

"I want to be with you, Bella."

"Okay. But, when you're ready for it. Do you understand?"

His gaze seemed fixed on their clasped hands, and she ran her thumb across his band.

"She must've been very special to you and to Renesmee. Let yourself grieve for her."

Edward hugged her and kissed her on the top of her head, his brows pulled together as he looked back at her. This was one very tormented man.

When Bella arrived home almost an hour and a half later, she received a text from him.

I had a good time with you today.

Me too.

I don't want to lose you, Bella.

I'm still here, Edward. I'm your friend, after all.

Can we still be friends, really?

It is as it shall be.

Ahhh, so I see your spirituality has come back.

She laughed. Well it only went away for a bit, but yeah, this is who I am. And all of her wanted him—mind, body, and soul.

I like who you are.

I like who you are too. Friend. So, stop being flirty, she wanted to say. As much as she enjoyed these interactions, it reminded her of what she couldn't have.

She formulated another text:

But, I think I'm going to write a letter to my ego self tomorrow and tell her that she behaved inappropriately.

Are you kidding? I liked unconscious Bella. I liked her a lot. In fact, I'm going to write my own letter to her.

Bella covered her mouth to stifle the laugh. Okay, well, you can keep that one to yourself. Unconscious Bella is sitting on the bench now. She will not have access to it.

Fine. I'm going to write it anyway ;)

Edward, stop flirting with me.

The response didn't come back right away. No.

This hurts.

I see. Okay.

She brushed her teeth, sighing when she'd not received a reply. Just as she started to doze off, his text jolted her awake.

Good night, friend.

Good night, Edward.

Edward

Edward tossed and turned in the bed.

The vision of Rose in her wedding gown pulling on a rope filled his dream, and Bella was on the opposite side, tugging hard, each gaining footing on the other alternately. But, there was no mud between them. An abyss occupied that space, and each was pulling with all their might to see who fell down the gaping hole. Edward stood from a distance, watching helplessly. He didn't want either of them to fall, yet he wanted to go to Rose so she wouldn't disappear, so he wouldn't lose her again…

Was it possible to love two women at the same time? Wasn't it better that one of them was not physically present? He imagined that with Bella's presence that Rose would naturally fade away. Yet, he knew Bella was right. Edward couldn't imagine bringing her to his bedroom and seeing all Rose's clothes in the closet…the pictures still on the wall. All the constant reminders…

The ring that owned his finger…the reminder that she would never be here with him again the way she used to be.

He slid the ring off, placed it on the dresser, and observed the nakedness of his finger. Edward was a married man. This ring was a symbol of their love and commitment. He couldn't just make that feeling go away. It would be like cheating on Rose—that was unfathomable. A sob broke from his lips, and he grabbed the ring and placed it back on his finger, where it was supposed to be.

I'm sorry, Rose.

It was as though she was looking down at him, accusing him of his infidelity. He'd tried support groups; he even allowed himself to be counseled by his aunt Esme. It had become too difficult, and Renesmee didn't need a weak, emotional being for a father. His young daughter needed him to be strong, to help them both cope. The times when he held her as she cried for her mom, he had held back his own tears. It was a distant memory, but it still stung.

A text came through on his phone from his aunt. Shaking his head, Edward was grateful for the excuse to text Bella. They had established once more that they were best off as friends, and to Edward, any relationship with her was better than none. It had felt so good to have her in his arms the night before.

Over coffee, he returned to their text conversation, easily imagining Bella sitting here across from him and Renesmee. He'd never wanted it so badly. He began tapping out his message.

Good morning, Bella.

Her reply came back quickly.

Good morning, Edward.

He began to respond but hers came back quicker.

I'm so sorry about the way I behaved yesterday. It was unacceptable.

He promptly deleted his message. I thought it was great. Unless she meant something else…the excitement began to well up. Had she changed her mind about their relationship?

I owe Jacob a huge apology. I made such a fool of myself in front of everyone. Oh, Edward…it was so Jerry Springer!

He smiled at the reference. It was definitely not worthy of Jerry Springer but it did give us some entertainment. I'm amused just thinking about it.

That's not funny.

Come on. It's a little funny.

Okay. It's a little funny…but I owe him an apology.

Okay.

It's just…I dread it.

He jumped on the opportunity to see her. Do you want me to come along for support?

No. I'm going to call and apologize to him and Leah.

I see. Edward thought it was all so charming—a very different side of her, and though he adored both, he couldn't decide which he preferred.

Okay, well if you're finished indulging in self-pity, we have another problem. My aunt wants your phone number to talk to you about the wedding.

Self pity? Wow.

He chuckled, enjoying teasing her. Edward looked forward to watching more of her videos and stealing some gems to throw back at her when the moment was right.

Come on, Bella. I don't think anybody else is worried about it. Practice what you preach. Apologize. Forgive yourself. Move on.

The cursor blinked as he waited for her response. Had he overstepped?

You're right. Thank you, Edward. I needed that.

At the moment, unconscious Bella had tipped the scale as the memory of the fiery version of her shook her fist at the others. He imagined that ornery Bella must've been quite a handful, and even more fun in the bedroom. He cleared his throat to push that thought away.

You're welcome.

He resisted putting that's what friends were for, because he wanted so much more.

Now, what do we do about the wedding plans? Can't you talk to Esme?

He'd been resisting it. She'd looked so happy for him. He rather liked the idea of having Bella handle it…

But…it happened because I was doing a favor for you…and so, it would be better coming from you.

You just don't want to deal with your aunt. Look. I don't know her well enough to tell her what is going on.

Fine. Then what are we going to do about your dad?

I will deal with him myself. You've already done your part. Thank you again so much. :)

He huffed. He dialed Esme's number, hoping he could make this a quick call as he had to leave for work soon.

"Well, good morning, Edward!" Esme's shiny, happy voice said.

"Good morning, Auntie. Hey, I have to talk to you real quick."

"Oh okay, but how's Bella? You two are so sweet together. I'm so happy for you, Edward! I thought you were never going to get over Rose."

Was that her professional or personal opinion? Is this what they all thought? He hated how weak this made him sound.

"Well, you know, it takes time."

"Yes, Edward. Grief takes time. You know…some of my clients don't ever remarry. I was so worried that was how it was going to be with you."

He sighed. "No, Aunt Esme." He thought for a moment about that. Before Nessie's vision board, that had been the case. Still he didn't like the idea of people feeling sorry for him…after all this time.

"I'm so excited about this wedding. I'm getting ready to call your mom."

"Please don't. I… just want to, you know, introduce Bella in person."

"Okay, okay. But I don't know how long I can keep this to myself. You know your mom and I don't keep secrets very well."

He'd actually forgotten that. "Aunt Esme, please? I just need time. We are not rushing this."

He knew Bella would be shaking her head. Now, what had he gotten himself into? Maybe he could call his uncle and he could smooth this out?

Edward was driving to work when the call came from Bella.

"Edward, I just got a text from your aunt. About how she is so looking forward to this wedding and wants to throw us an engagement party…"

An engagement party?

"You were supposed to tell her the truth."

"I know…but I just couldn't. So how about we have this engagement party, set a date for two years from now because of your busy schedule and then we'll call it off."

"No, absolutely not. We've already deceived enough people. This is a bad idea."

"Come on, Bella. Like you said. People break up all the time."

"Ugh, Edward. I'm going back on tour and I have a regular schedule to get back to…Book signings and videos…This is a bad idea."

"Please?"

"No! Too many people stand to be hurt in the process. What about Renesmee?"

Nessie. He hadn't imagined how she would feel if they pretended to be engaged and then broke up. That would devastate her.

"I will tell her the truth. Please, Bella? Look, for such a long time everyone has felt sorry for me. I just want to give them the illusion that I'm going to be happy."

"Such a bad idea. Be authentic. Let them feel what they feel."

"Bella…I won't ask you to be a part of it, but I'm not ready to go back to that. Please, just don't text her back and I'll just tell her you're very busy."

"Edward…no…"

Edward started making staticky noises on his phone. "Oh, I'm going under a bridge. I'm going to lose you…" He ended the call. There was no bridge in sight, and the highway was open and traffic flowed easily. He may very well lose Bella as a friend and as more…unless he could take this lie of theirs and make it true.

A/N: Looks like some healing for Edward is in order, so please stay tuned! So many thanks to my beta, EdwardsFirstKiss for her help with this chapter! And so many thanks to you for reading, following and reviewing! Looking forward to hearing from you.