Bella
The text woke her up, and she had the feeling it was from Edward.
Good morning, my sweet Bella.
He already owned her heart and didn't realize how such a text left her melting. This was the first time he'd ever called her that.
Good morning, handsome.
I'm sorry if I woke you. I just wanted to thank you for coming over last night. And I hope I wasn't rushing you.
It was all good.
When can I see you again?
She got shivers just thinking about it. Soon. After work?
Yes. Dinner. I'll pick you up.
I look forward to it. Have a good day, Edward.
Same to you.
He sent her a heart emoji.
Bella wanted to tell him to leave the ring. She wanted to help him move all Rose's things out of his house, but Bella knew this was a process that could not be rushed. But, she also knew that jumping into a relationship with another person was not something to be rushed either. No, they had time.
She wore her favorite little black dress with red embroidery that formed flowers along the neckline. When they met at the restaurant, his smile showed his approval. Edward pressed his lips to her cheek before they sat but lingered for just a moment longer, and she wanted to turn her face to meet his lips just then. It was still funny to think this wasn't their first meal together, but they were now in such a different place. She tried not to make a show of looking down at his finger, but her heart skipped a beat when she saw the tan line, the telltale white band. It didn't escape his notice.
"I tried," he said, the sheepish expression showing that he meant it. He pulled the ring from the chest pocket of his shirt. "Baby steps, right?"
She agreed. At least it wasn't on his finger, sure, but it was next to his heart.
Patience, Bella. Edward was trying.
"You look yummy," she said. She was finally allowing herself to be in this place. Flirty and open and free. They didn't have to rush into anything.
He fixed her with this look just then, as the hazel of his eyes bore into hers. "Not as yummy as you."
"Ha…debatable," she said, focusing on the selections of her menu.
"Will you be ordering anything with alcohol this evening?"
"Hadn't planned on it. Was that the Bella you were looking to see?"
"A man can hope," he said with a laugh.
"Edward," she said with a sigh. She hoped he truly didn't have the desire of being with her lower vibrational self. It just wasn't who she was anymore.
"I will take any Bella that I can get. I have to confess, though…"
She waited as he trailed off, and the server took their orders and menus then left.
"You were saying…"
"I was saying that…I sometimes think that you will just come to your senses and stop wanting to talk to me."
"What? Why would you think that I needed to do that? I am here, fully present and conscious of my choices."
"Because…" His eyes shot down and then darted around. "I've watched your videos, Bella. I…you're just too good. I don't know that I can ever be like you."
She took his hand. "Please don't be like me. I want you to be you…the best version hopefully, whatever that looks like. And if I didn't like who you were right now, I wouldn't be here."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course."
"Well, you put a lot of stock in this law of attraction thing."
"Because I believe in it. And I also believe we have free will. It is my choice to be here as much as it's yours. For me, it doesn't matter whether you believe in it or not."
"I was just thinking how funny it is how life works. I'd never have met you if Rose hadn't died."
"True…maybe. You never know. We may have a soul contract that states we were bound to meet regardless."
"Yeah, I'm not sure about all that."
She tucked her bangs behind her ears. "Well, that's the good thing. You don't have to believe in any of it. The main message of my videos and books is to be your authentic self and live the best life you can. The biggest thing that gets in the way of our happiness is our minds and what we think is the best."
"Well, how do you know?"
"How do you feel? If something makes you feel good and happy, that's the best indication."
"I'm feeling pretty good right now."
"Me too."
Edward followed her the half hour drive from the restaurant to her home. Her sanctuary, she called it, was a short walk to the beach. She showed him the stone wall that led to a bank that overlooked the ocean. It was her favorite meditation spot as she listened to the lapping of the waves. He paid particular interest to the photos in her hallway—the one where she stood beside Mosiah, an olive-skinned man who'd been her mentor in India. She'd worn a red dot on her forehead and was dressed in a bold green Sari. Bella had been at the beginning of her spiritual journey there.
"How long were you in India?"
"3 months."
"And what inspired you to go?"
"We met through a classmate from college, and the classmate just drifted off to something different, and Mosiah and I developed a connection."
"Did you always want to make videos?"
She laughed, shaking her head. "Oh God, no. The last thing I wanted was to stand out. You could ask anyone who knew me growing up. I was the proverbial wallflower. The less attention I could draw to myself, the better."
"What inspired you?"
"My guidance—the little voice that kept telling me that there was value in my knowledge. It started off as a video I made for Angela as a joke. Who knew? Of course, things happen for a reason."
"See. I don't know how you can say that. Not everything works out."
"Everything has some value to it, Edward. Whether we perceive that it's something we want or not. It still gives us something to learn from…sometimes for others but also about ourselves."
He looked doubtful, but he remained quiet as he browsed the other photos.
"Can I offer you an insight?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"You always have a choice." She wondered if she should continue…now that they were in this space together…she didn't know if he was ready to hear this yet. "Listen, when your wife died, of course, it was extraordinarily painful for you, and I'm not trying to take away from that. But, at the same time, it's taught you more about who you are, who you are without her, and what you can handle. Now, you have probably discovered that you are stronger than you ever were."
He pressed his lips together. "I am pretending to be strong, if you want to know the truth. I have no idea what I'm doing, Bella. With Nessie. With my job. With my life. I don't know what I want. I'm just doing what I need to do."
"You are not giving yourself enough credit."
"Esme told me that. My mom has told me that. I tell myself I'm doing the best I can."
"I believe that you are, Edward."
"Like right now, Bella. It feels good to be here with you, but I don't know if I'm ready for this."
This? "I'm not going to pressure you into anything. Aren't we just more than friends? Spending time together?"
He took her into his arms, and Bella pressed her head into his shoulder. "Yes. I find that I want to spend all my time with you. The moments I'm not kicking myself about thinking about Rose, I'm thinking about you."
"Do you believe that Rose wants you to be happy?"
"I don't know what to believe. I know that I buried her. I have proof of that and the memory from the funeral. Then there's her other belongings—the proof of our lives together, the things that remind me she is no longer here. I can use my senses to see and feel those things. The rest…?"
"The rest is my specialty," she said, tilting her head.
"Yeah, but what makes you so sure?"
"Because what's the harm in it? If you spend more time thinking about me than her, who is that hurting? What's wrong with feeling good?"
Edward closed his eyes and the words came out so softly, "I made a vow to her, Bella."
"You mean the one where you said 'till death do you part?'"
"Well, yes, but it was so much more."
"Edward, there are two ways to live your life. You can do what serves you, or not. What is the worst that can happen?"
"I'm afraid I'm letting her down. And you know what? When she was alive, we weren't always happy. We argued, but we loved each other."
"Of course you did. Relationships are hard. They don't always work out."
"That's another thing, Bella." His gaze darted around, and he hesitated before he spoke again. "What if it doesn't work out…between us?"
She'd thought of that too many times. "Maybe this doesn't have to be so heavy. We are friends…more than friends…and let's make an agreement that for as long as this serves us, we spend time together. We realize that we are both adults, both smart enough to recognize if and when it isn't working."
"That's easier said than done. What if we don't agree?"
"Then whatever it becomes is for our highest good."
He shook his head and looked away.
"I know this is hard for you, Edward. You can't conceive of things not being within your control. Maybe have a little faith."
"I don't want to make a mistake, Bella."
"What if there are no mistakes? Just lessons?"
"I don't know if I can believe that."
She gazed at him, but he said the words before she could say them.
"Whatever serves me, right?"
"You do listen to me!" Bella joked.
At that moment, he met her lips with his. "Right now, your lips…everything about you is serving me."
Tingling sensations ran up and down her body. She imagined his body serving her very well as he deepened the kiss and she pushed him against the wall, wanting to feel him hard against her. The passion flowed as he pressed his hand against her bottom, and she angled him toward a bedroom, landing on top of her on the bed, and white hot kisses seared against her neck as she circled her legs around his hips.
She reached to unbutton his dress shirt, but music from his phone played in the form of the tune from Super Mario.
Out of breath, he pulled away. "That's Nessie."
She pulled him back down to meet her mouth. "Do you have to answer it?"
Edward pulled the phone out of his pocket. "Yes. Because otherwise she'll think that this is what I'm doing."
Bella laughed as she considered it. He answered his phone as if they hadn't been in the heat of a moment.
"No, I'm fine," he told her. "I was just exercising. Yes. In Newport."
Covering her mouth, she considered how smart this girl was to spy on her dad's location.
"With Bella? Yes. She's here. We were just…uh…yeah, I think so." Edward looked at Bella, covering the phone with his hand. "She wants to talk to you."
Bella's eyes widened, and she never guessed that she'd be talking to Renesmee at this moment. "Hi, sweetie. How's camp?"
"Are you keeping my dad company?" Renesmee asked.
"You could say that."
"Are you dating now? Are you his girlfriend?"
"Whoa, whoa. We are just friends right now, you know…taking our time…"
"Are you coming this weekend?"
"Actually, your dad and I haven't talked about that yet. I'll have to see."
"I'm so excited! That you and Daddy are spending time together."
"Me too, actually."
"Well, I'll see you Sunday, then?"
"I…I don't know yet."
Giggling voices on the other end of the line were telling Renesmee to get off the phone. "Okay, I've gotta go. See you soon!"
Renesmee didn't wait for her to say goodbye. And now, Bella found herself committed to this weekend thing. Not that she minded spending more time with Edward.
Bella handed Edward back the phone.
"Let me guess," he said, smirking. "My daughter has manipulated you into watching her perform this Sunday."
"Pretty much." She was good, Bella had to give her that. "Have you ever told your daughter no?"
"Of course I have. It doesn't do me much good."
Bella had to consider that Edward would not be with her at that moment if Renesmee had taken no for an answer.
Edward buttoned up his shirt and Bella fixed her sleeve. This was probably for the best. Here they'd just declared they were more than friends and were taking their time. There was absolutely no rush to take things to the next level. Edward kissed her good night, and the memory of his lips stayed branded on her mind. The weekend was coming, and having an overnight with Edward and seeing Renesmee seemed like an appealing way to spend time together.
And she couldn't wait.
A/N: Hmmm….so who thinks they're moving too quickly? Who thinks that Edward has waited long enough to move on? Who thinks that it is better just to see what happens? Time will tell for these two! Thanks to you all for reading, for my fabulous beta EdwardsFirstKiss and her help with this chapter, and to you awesome reviewers. More to come!