Bella

She knew that she was a horrible person. In all the advice she'd given to hundreds of clients, Bella had never advised breaking up over a note. The idea of it sickened her, and bleariness hung over her body and soul like a cape. The plane had just landed in Cleveland, and she'd shut off her phone. She couldn't face anybody right now.

Bella wasn't sure if it really was Rose's spirit who had visited and warned her of making a possible mistake. What she did know were the things that had brought them this far had been based on lies they told to other people as well as ones they had told themselves.

Yes, Edward had come so far. He had grieved his wife, been able to commit to a relationship, even convinced himself he was ready to be engaged to another woman. But, this wasn't Edward's problem. Bella had believed that Edward had so much work to do on himself that she'd forgotten how she wasn't good for anybody at this moment. That she wasn't ready to hang up her life and end her videos and career to become someone's other half. At one time in her life, she wanted that. Now, she wasn't sure. She cringed every time she thought of how this was affecting Renesmee, how they'd genuinely gotten along and enjoyed each other's company. Bella wracked her brain for a way to make things better. They would hate her surely. How could they not? Bella hated herself right now and how selfish she was being. There was a very good possibility that Rose was just a manufactured vision of what she knew subconsciously all along.

Dammit, Bella!

On the taxi ride to her hotel, her heart clenched when the ding of numerous alerts of voicemails and texts flooded her screen. Even now, she wanted to call Edward, apologize for continuing something that in her heart she knew would not work.

She'd always preached that others needed to put themselves first… no matter how hard it was. Lose herself and who she was…or break free. Better to leave now than to dig them all into a deeper pit of hurt.

Her phone lit up, and Edward's smile appeared on the screen. She pressed the button that said to leave a message.

A second later, another call came through but this time from Angela. Bella debated whether to answer it. She'd been so muddled with these torturous thoughts. She accepted the call. Angela had sent her several texts as well.

"Bella? What's going on? Haven't you been getting any of my calls?"

"Yeah. Sorry."

"Uh oh…where are you? Aren't you still in Portland?"

"No. I…" Bella didn't know how to confess what she'd done, or if she could even rationalize it. "I took an early flight to Cleveland."

"But you didn't have to be there until tomorrow. Did you and Edward have a fight?"

Well, not exactly. "I left him, Angela. I broke it off."

"What?! Why? I thought things were going so great with him."

"I couldn't do it. He's not ready. His wedding ring was still on the dresser."

"But not on his finger, right?"

Bella hoped to make her friend understand. "It's too soon, Ange. He's still grieving."

"Okay, wait a sec. This isn't about Edward and his late wife at all, is it?"

She didn't know how to answer. "No."

"So, you're telling me that if the ring had been put away, you'd still be there?"

"Yes…no…I don't know. I just think that right now's not the right time for us."

"Awww…Bella. I'll tell you what. I'm going to get an early flight and we can have dinner…"

"No. You don't have to do that."

"Of course I do. You're my best friend."

"Ange…I'm so confused. On one hand, I feel like I've made the biggest mistake, that he'll never trust me again, and on the other, I'm thinking that Edward and I aren't right for each other. Or maybe…I'm not meant to be with anybody."

"Oh, now that is bullshit if I've ever heard it."

"No, it's true. How do you make a relationship like this work? Seeing each other once a month or quarterly—how is that sustainable? What I'm doing is important."

"Of course it is, Bella. But how long do you really see yourself doing this?"

"I don't know. For as long as I'm called to do it. The inspiration is still strong. I can't ignore it. Yet…I can't just leave Edward hanging…"

"Ohhhh…I get it now."

"What?"

"You're worried he's going to get tired of waiting and either a. Dump you or b. Cheat on you? Now that you've invested effort in helping him let go of his wife, you are worried that some woman will just snatch him up."

There was truth to it, but she hated feeling that way. No it couldn't be true. She'd long forgiven Jacob. And Edward was a monogamous individual. He wouldn't dump or cheat on her.

"Which is ridiculous, of course," Angela added.

She didn't know what else to say.

"Bella, you always preach about communication and how important it is in relationships, yet you didn't even give him the chance to assure you?"

"How could he do that, Angela?"

She was silent for a moment. "I guess he really can't, if you're not willing to trust him."

Sobs broke from Bella's lips. "I love him, Ange. I'm so scared…to make a mistake."

"Of course you're scared. The last time you were vulnerable Jacob crushed your heart into itty bitty pieces. But now, you have to truly forgive him."

"I forgave him. I told you."

"Did you, though? Maybe forgiveness is like you've said, it's something you have to keep on giving until you don't have to anymore."

Bella didn't know what to say, and Angela continued.

"Listen to me, Bella. You have to talk to him. At least tell him how you're feeling."

"What if he talks me back into the relationship? Then nothing will be resolved. I don't know how to fix it, Angela. If I gave up my tour…"

"You can't give up your tour."

"I know. But what I'm saying is it's the only way we can be together. It isn't going to work otherwise." But her other concern, she'd been too scared to say it. What if he didn't want to give her another chance?

"Honesty. That's where you start."

Angela told her she was on the way to the airport and was going to get the soonest flight, and Bella sat in her room, looking out at the buildings in the light of the evening. The sky with its purplish hues almost had no right to look beautiful…not when her world was crashing down.

Her phone lit up from the bed, and Edward's face appeared on the screen. She'd had about 30 missed calls, and over a dozen voicemails, and every time he called and she didn't answer, it became harder to respond. The call went to voicemail, and she breathed a sigh.

Coward!

A tear rolled down her cheek, and she took a few deep breaths. She didn't know what to say but did the only thing she could do. Speak from her heart.

Edward

He felt like he'd been flattened by a steamroller. She'd left a note. What did that even mean?

When she called him back, he held back the rein on his anger, on the emotional turmoil he'd been put through. He'd barely been able to concentrate in court, and the counsel was getting the upper hand on what should've been an easy case.

As he drove home, he decided to try her again. Why was she doing this? Why now? What was worse was he didn't know how to deal with Renesmee, not when she'd become so attached to Bella.

Her…or someone better.

That thought returned to him. Why is it that Bella had always been so non committal? She'd been the one to say that he had work to do, and now that he'd gained the upper hand on his grief, that he'd been finally able to see a future with her, Bella was dumping him. There had to be a reason. He kicked himself for not staying in the room with her. At least they could've talked about it. What now?

Her call came through on the car speaker, and he accepted it a moment later. "Hey, Bella." His voice managed to sound calm. And after he'd been going through bouts of yelling and calm and understanding and back and forth his emotions had been like a yoyo.

"Hi," she said. He'd never heard her voice so sad.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I shouldn't have left you that note. That was wrong."

His heart sped up. She regretted it. That was as he hoped. "Okay, let's talk about the note…and why you felt that way."

"You don't understand. What I mean is I should've broken up with you in person. I am a coward."

"No. Bella…can we please…please help me to understand where this is all coming from? What did I do?"

"You didn't do anything, Edward. You are perfect. I'm just not sure if you're perfect for me. Or if we're even right for each other."

What more did she want? What was he willing to do to keep her? He remembered her saying that they could be together for as long as their relationship served them both. He needed answers. Was this it? Had her relationship with Edward failed to serve her?

"Bella, please this can't be it for us. I love you."

"I wish that love was all that it took, Edward." She sighed, and Edward sat, shaking his head. Words failed him. The perfect words.

"What do you want me to do? What can I do to change things?"

"You are perfect the way you are. I don't ever want you to be less than who you are."

"Come on, Bella, you aren't being honest with me. How come we were okay last night, and then you went to bed you decided it was over? What happened?"

"Edward, I saw your ring on the dresser. But that wasn't all. I want more. I wasn't lying when I said I wanted to marry you, but I just can't physically be there. And you can't be here. It would be impossible to ask for more for either of us. I think this is just the way it has to be."

"No…we can make it work."

"We'll end up breaking up sooner or later. Long distance relationships don't work. No matter how much you want them to. Breaking up is inevitable."

"No…it doesn't have to be that way."

"I'm sorry, Edward. I'm so sorry. To you and Nessie. I love you both so much."

"You know what?" He sat at a stoplight and the red glow stared back at him. Stop this right now. Don't pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars. The light was not going to turn green just because he wanted it. "Will you please stop saying that you love us? This…what you are doing is not out of love."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah." In his mind, he would've ended with something so much better than that, but he felt like he was banging his head against a jagged rock. She wanted to break up and there was nothing he could do about it. "Can you tell me where you are? At least give me the chance to come see you, to talk in person?"

"It won't matter, and I don't want to waste your time. You have a job and a family. I have my purpose. Right now isn't the time for us."

In his heart, he'd felt what she was saying but he'd never allowed himself to admit it. He'd missed her desperately. He was about to suggest facetiming, but would that really be enough? No. Not when he wanted to hold her in his arms.

"So…You're saying not forever, just not now."

"I'm saying that I don't know. I can't predict the future."

"No, but you can manifest it? Isn't that what you teach? What do you want, Bella? I'm starting to wonder in all your wisdom if you ever wanted to be with me at all."

"Of course I did. I couldn't stay away from you when I had the choice. But, now I have my work. Please, understand? I'm not just making this choice for me. Maybe I was never meant to be married."

He couldn't listen to her anymore, not if this was how she really felt. "Okay."

When he arrived back, he trudged through the door, dreading the sadness he'd find in his daughter's eyes. He'd barely gotten a greeting out, when Renesmee asked him, "Did you talk to Bella?"

"I did."

Alice stood at the kitchen sink, her back turned, but he knew she was listening. Let her hear, he thought. He was going to need all the support he could get from the nanny.

"What did she say?"

"She said she can't be in a relationship with me this way. That as long as she needs to be on the road, we won't have enough time to be together."

"Oh…yeah. That makes sense."

Nessie's voice had that undertone of disappointment to it, yet she nodded. If it made sense to her, maybe she could explain it to Edward. "What does that mean? That she doesn't think we can make it together?"

"It means she has work to do, Daddy. And she can't be in two places at once."

"You are taking this a lot better than I expected."

"I'm going to miss her, for sure. But right now, she has to do what she has to do."

Edward hadn't been part of that plan. The pain of that twisted and curled around his insides.

He set his briefcase down on the table. "What about your manifestation?"

"I didn't put a date on it."

"So…you think we should just sit around and wait for her?"

"Well, yeah. Until you both are ready. She's not saying she wants to see anybody else, is she?"

"No. She said she wanted to marry me."

"Okay. Well, then let's just see what happens."

Edward wasn't sure what he'd just walked into. Not that he'd wanted to witness his daughter breaking down into tears, yet, he imagined that she wouldn't sound so…rational.

"Besides, did she say she didn't want to be your friend?"

Friends…they'd already been there and done that. Was that even an option? He couldn't hold back the resentment, the sting. She'd broken up with him. Where did you go from here?

"I just don't know, sweetie."

"Well, I'm not ready to give up on you two."

Well, that made one of them. Edward couldn't see a solution—the magic answer that would make them all happy. Maybe Bella hadn't come into his life to become his new wife. Maybe she'd only cleared a path for the next woman…

He shook his head. He couldn't imagine anyone taking that space in his heart. Right now, he was emotionally spent. He decided to focus on what was in front of him…on the here and now. The future would take care of itself.

A/N:So now, what has to change in their lives…how do they become better versions of themselves? Stay with me for more. A huge thanks to my beta EdwardsFirstKiss for her help with this chapter, and of course many thanks to the reviewers for your input. Hugs and love and light to you all!